Barbie Month: Princess Power

The Pink Knight Rises

The Pink Knight Rises

Hello, Spongey here, and welcome to the finale of Barbie Month!

We’re finally almost done here. This month has been ….kind of boring. These Barbie movies haven’t been as painful as I thought they would be but they still weren’t good. We’ve had plenty of dumb plots and clichés but nothing really baffling happened. But they still made for good reviews.

To close out this month, I figured we’d jump forward a bit. And by that I mean we will cover the latest film. Yep, this one came out just earlier this year. Just from the premise I knew I should do this one to close things out.

It has no Wikipedia page so I’m gonna have to rely on that Barbie wiki again. For this one, they decided to crash on a trend that’s pretty big right now. Yep, this one is a superhero movie.

Because …why not. Barbie’s done every other job, so why not be a Superhero? Just don’t give us the Barbie Cinematic Universe.

Saddled with a writer who has done nothing, and the brilliant director of Scary Godmother, there’s no way this could fail. …Yeah let’s just dig in and see how Barbie does as a superhero. Maybe she’ll mope, maybe she’ll get into a fight in a city and be accused of property damage, we’ll just have to see.

This, is Barbie in Princess Power

The movie opens with Barbie flying on some weird jetpack thing. She’s not a superhero yet. Her friends made it, and one of them is voiced by Kira Tozer aka Minka from LPS.

…I was kidding when i said we needed to bring it in too. Although this isn’t shocking. Of course she flies out of control and lands near her parents. As it turns out, she’s a princess and her parents think this is MOST UNORTHODOX.

A princess in a weirdly modern America looking city, no less. Barbie is working on some garden project, to show she can help out, but the parents are like “nah”. He gives her some dumb speech. Their advsor parratots it.

“See, there. Our most wise and insightful advisor agrees. And he has never been wrong before”

He’s the villain. Calling it now.

“That’s me…reliable to a fault…but no more. Now I shall finally claim what is rightfully mine!”

…I was joking! Seriously, you didn’t’ even wait to show he’s a villain. Whatever. He’s voiced by Micheal Kopsa, aka Roger Baxter. And this is now the best movie ever made.

“Everyone knows it was my family who first claimed the kingdom of Windemere centuries ago! Granted my Great Great Grandfather lost it during a rather foolish game of Rock Paper scissors…”

I’m loving this guy already. Also, this is some other countries? Doesn’t look like it. He wants to try out some potion he made, but he accidently drops it down a drain because of his evil pet frog. Because of course he has one.

After a hilarious reaction, the potion spill down the drain and lands on a caterpillar, which then turns into a butterfly. I surprisingly have no comment for that. We cut to Barbie with her friends as she bitches about her parents.

She’s a princess who wants more. Moving on.

The butterfly flies over and kisses her on the cheek. …Okay then, this is going into weird places. This causes her to get loopy and pass out. She wakes up to find that it is the next morning and she just goes on like normal. I think I know what happened but I’ll wait for the movie to confirm it.

She sees a kitten stuck in a tree so she tries to save it. She does so but when she falls, she suddenly starts floating. Yep, that magic butterfly kiss gave her superpowers.

Somehow, I didn’t expect anything less stupid than that. Meanwhile, Baron Von Ravendale continues to be amazing as he tries out the throne and then chews out his frog for being a screw up.

Barbie tells her friends about her weird powers and they saw her flying around, so they buy it. Wow, you skipped the secret identity part. Good on you. Barbie figures out that has other powers, like super strength and agility.

“You’ve got Princess Power!”

Roll credits!

“I got kissed by a magical bug and now I have superpowers?”

When you say like it that….it sounds stupid. Because it is.

With that, Barbie decides to embrace her Superhero nature and find a mission. By that I mean she will use her powers to do that garden project. Clearly the smartest use of super powers.

But to make sure her parents don’t find out, she must create a secret identity. So with a quite costume making Montage, Barbie is…Super Sparkle!

….Somehow that name just doesn’t have the same ring as Superman or Batman.

We cut to a city, which means something dangerous happens due to a construction guy. Because I think every city had this curse where bad things happen when a Superhero exist.

Also, what’s the point of this being some far off land if it’s almost exactly like a typical American City…and everyone has American/Canadian accents?

Super Sparkle shows up to save the day and this is seen by Baron von Ravendale. She flies home for some royal thingy with her parents. Back in the city, we get another Superhero movie staple: The intrepid reporter, in the form of Wes Rivers.

Actually, he’s more Ronaldo from Steven Universe than Lois Lane, with his blog and all. After a bit with him, we cut back to Baron as he wonders how Super Sparkle got these powers. …Then that’s it for him.

Barbie tells her friends about what happened and she has a newfound enthusiasm for being a hero.

“You know, truth, justice, the windemere way”

Booooo. Her friends had the same idea, as they somehow were able to turn the room into a Superhero HQ (The Barbie Cave, if you will) with tons of gadgets and stuff. One friend even says she’s been working in it for a couple hours. They can’t be that smart!

With that, they get their first mission so she flies off to stop a criminal from stealing someone’s purse. I must say, it’s weird yet awesome to see Barbie fighting crime. …yes, . I know that the actual character is named Kara but shut up.

After an actually cool scene with Baron going evil stuff, we get a bit of filler with Barbie before she goes off to save a guy from a fire. I get that we need a lot of hero stuff, but I figured we’d get a bit more in terms of character before just blasting off like this.

Then again, I can’t expect proper pacing from these movies at this point. The next day happens to be Barbie’s birthday so she has boring normal stuff to do. Also, her sister if jealous but it’s pretty much glossed over. I’m sure it won’t be important.

Wes happens to be at the party and of course he has start talking about Super Sparkle. Her parents also randomly say they like her which causes a problem as Barbie once them to know she’s Super sparkle but she can’t. Yep, gotta have the hero want to revel their secret to loved ones.

Then she happens to get a mission so she leaves to stop a bank robbery.

“The names Sparkle. Super Sparkle”

You’re not James Bond. After another quick action scene, she goes home and turns back into Barbie. …And this is seen by her sister. Dun dun dun. She gets so busy bitching about Barbie that she doesn’t even question how she got super powers.

She immediately talks to Barbie’s friends about this and claims that Barbie told her. She hears about how she got her powers, so she goes outside to find the magic butterfly.

Amazingly, it happens to be there for her to capture. She kisses it and we cut to Baron as he gets into danger, which means Super Sparkle shows up to save him. But before she can do so..

“Dark Sparkle’s got this”

…Just when I thought this movie couldn’t get stupider. Also, how did she makes a Superhero costume that quickly? Because Barbie is an idiot, she doesn’t know who Dark Sparkle is and after this bit, she wonders about it.

We then get a montage of Dark Sparkle doing hero stuff, only to get upstaged by Barbie. Eventually she finally gets a save in, which pisses off Barbie. And of course she’s jealous.

Yeah this doesn’t quite work if you don’t exactly pace it right, not to mention that Dark sparkle is going this to be a bitch. Also, Dark Sparkle sounds like a villain name so why do they trust her?

Meanwhile, Wally finds this ring that Super Sparkel dropped, and suddenly he notices that Princess Kara has the same thing, meaning he figured out her secret. …Then it cuts to her parents chewing her out as Wally revealed this on his blog. Uh, think you might want to a do a big reveal scene first before just jumping to this?

They are pissed because she dared to save people. …Yeah, I don’t get it either. They even point out that they were proud of Super Sparkle before…but that changed cuz it’s Barbie. And again, they don’t question how she got super powers.

“Stop that floating this instance”

Amazing line of dialogue. Of course Baron hears about this and works it into his plan. He finally makes another potion and drinks it to get powers. One amazing evil laugh later, he reveals his evil side to the royal family.

The sister uses her powers to try to stop him which reveals her own secret. They don’t have time to discuss that as they need to have an epic battle with Baron. This is the most action you’ll ever see in a Barbie movie.

Then the evil pet frog drinks the potion and gets his own powers. Because why not. With his help, he escapes, as does the royal family. In the meantime, our super sisters finally talk things out.

Well sort of. They argue as they bitch about how the other is a bitch and then they leave. Good enough. Barbie goes of to fight Baron, but he sets off a Volcano so It can destroy this tower the family is at. Said volcano is called Mt Dormant. Hardy har har.

“You hear that? That’s the sound of destiny calling”

“Sorry, wrong number”

Boooo. Although I must say, this whole scene is kind of cool. I mean, we have Barbie fighting an over the top bad guy with superpowers in a volcano. How is that not amazing?!

With Dark Sparkle’s help, they are able to take care of the lava. They both then apologize for what they did. Their little moment is interrupted by Baron who gets his ass kicked by two teenage-ish girls.

Thankfully, his frog sidekick shows up to help. Man, this climax is going on forever. Can someone just snap Baron’s neck so we can end this?

But then…these dogs show up because they happened to drink the potion too. …Yeah this is where I draw the line. Two dogs they have get introduced out of nowhere just for this lame bit. Really?

“I did not see that coming”

They beat him up which gives the hero time to escape so they can finally defeat him. Defeated by super powered animals. How degrading. With that, he is captured and this climax is over.

The next day, everyone celebrates as the parents admit Barbie can take of herself. Well, Barbie’s main arc is done and with the sisters working together, so is the sister’s arc. Barbie even apologizes for being a bitchy and yada yada yada.

With that, they do that garden thing they haven’t’ brought up for like an hour. And of course, the superpowers must fly off into our faces to end the movie. And the magic butterfly kisses us. So…do I have super powers now?

Surprisingly, that ending was more satisfying than most despite some weak writing. And there’s a Barbie quote at the very end. . Is that a running thing in these movies?

Also, I am disappointed there is no post credits scene where Nick Fury asks Barbie to join the Avengers.

Final Thoughts:

Well, I think that was the “best” one I covered this month. That isn’t saying much but it’s true. It was the “least” annoying and problematic, at least on an objective level. Of course it’s still not good but I don’t want to focus too much on that.

Mostly because it has the same issues as the others. However, it’s slightly more interesting due the premise. I do like the concept of the conflict and it’s almost interesting. However, the writing is flawed. The main conflicts with Barbe being a bitch and the sister don’t get really introduced into the 2nd half and they are very rushed.

They don’t flesh it out so it feels undercooked. The story itself feels weak as a result. But on the bright side, Barbie is more interesting than usual due to this. The other characters are at least somewhat memorable. The friends are okay but first but they kind of vanish near the end. The sister is alright, I suppose.

And of course, the villain is awesome. He’s just so much fun, especially near the end. He’s not the most interesting but he is the best villain we’ve seen this month. This one is sort of enjoyable in a really dumb kind of way.

The powers and action at least makes this mildly enjoyable for how mindless and stupid it can get. The climax is even kind of cool despite the whole pet thing. Yes, the story is weak and messy, but it’s somewhat enjoyable in some parts. It’s not good but this one didn’t’ bother me as much as the others.

So it’s an improvement. I guess these movies got better, although there satill doesn’t seem to be a “Good” one. Since they got close here, maybe if they make 5000 others they’ll finally make a decent one!~

…Did I just ask for 50000 Barbie movies?

Grade: C

But we’re not quite done with Barbie yet. If someone tells of a really bad one I have to review, I’ll do it. I’ll also do one of the Christmas ones come December. But there’s one to thing talk about first.

You may be wondering if there’s anything with the Barbie name that is worthwhile. Well, there is, in the form of a web cartoon known as Life in the Dreamhouse. It’s more or less the Friendship is Magic of Barbie, as it manages to actually sort of clever with its humor, and it makes fun of a lot of the Barbie tropes.

Imagine if Barbie and Ken from Toy Story 3 had their show. There you go. I never imagined something like this would be good, but it is, and it’s pretty funny. I especially like the Alpha Bitch but that’s no surprise.

So yeah, go check that out. I’m glad I watched some of it. But for now, we’re done with Barbie. These movies weren’t quite as bad as I thought but it was interesting. Hopefully we won’t deal with here until December.

Next time, we’re sticking with Superheroes, although somehow I think these guys might be less effective than Barbie.

See ya.

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Fairly Odd Parents-Crocker Shocker

Hello, Spongey here.

For this TV review, we’re doing something a bit different. Instead of a live action sitcom no one watches, it’s a Cartoon…that people no longer watch…including me, sort of. If you remember, at the end of my Modern Family Guy list, I teased a similar list for Fairly Odd Parents.

I’m still doing it, I just have to watch all the Modern Episodes first. I’m on Season 7, which is why we’re here. I’ll save my speil about the show itself and how I feel about the Modern era in the list.

But for now I’ll say that of the episodes I’ve actually seen, only one really comes close to watching Modern Spongebob levels of What-the-hell-were-they-thinking. It’s this one. It’s only Season 7, and up that point the show was just simply losing its edge, yet it’s the ultimate sign the show has gone on too long.

Most of the other bad Modern episodes are typical, with flanderization or boring plots. This one is…different. Now, this is 11 minutes so this may end up as pointless as Face Off. But we’ll have to say.

There isn’t much else to say since my spiel is being saved for another time. Let’s just dig in and see why this is easily my least favorite FOP episode at this moment.

This, is Crocker Shocker

Writer: Kevin Sullivan. Story by Amy Keating Rogers

…No one’s perfect?

The episode opens with Mr. Crocker at a psycastraist. Yeah, sounds about right. She’s had enough of his fairy ramblings, so she hypnotizes him into forgetting his fairy obsession. …That was easy.

This immediately makes his life better as he hump vanishes and his ear moves to its correct place. He bumps into Timmy (literally) and tells him the good news. Okay, so nothing seems wrong so far…but…yeah you know the drill.

Over in Fairly World, it’s losing power so Jorgen visits Timmy to figure out the problem. It’s not his fault this time but he freaks out when Timmy mentions Crocker being cured. He explains why.

“For centuries, we fairies have harnessed the energy that comes from the spazzing of certain humans who believe that fairies exist. When Mr. Crocker began to spazz about Fairies many years ago, his energy was so powerful, we harnessed it to fuel the big giant wand all by itself.”

There’s so much wrong with this. First, this is the point where the show officially ran out of ideas. See, a sign that a show has gone on too long is when it blatantly contradict it’s own world just for the sake of a plot. This is a perfect example of that.

This contradicts everything established up to this point about how they power fairy world. If they want to do that, fine, but this is in the crulest way possible. So this whole time Fairly world has run off the misery of something?

What the hell? Cosmo and Wanda didn’t know this so I can forgive them, but this somehow manages to derail an entire world. Yes, it’s likely only Jorgen and other people in charge new about this…but it’s still messed up. Escpecially this has been going on for a while.

Besides, taking your power from a single person is not a good idea. They never anticipated this happening? They should be glad it took 7 whole Seasons for this to happen!

…Wait, it did happen in a quick gag in Channel Chases. It’s changed right away but still. So yeah, everything about this concept is just wrong. Btu maybe the conflict will be to find a better energy source instead of Crocker?

“It is imperative you get Crocker to believe in fairies again!”

…Of course. The goal of the episode is to make sure someone’s life is ruined by obsessing over fairies. ….Our heroes ladies and gentlemen!

The next day, they go to school to solve this problem but they discover that Crocker’s life is way better as he is now cool and loved by all. Yep, his life is better this way but he must be miserable. How did they spend at least 6 months on this without considering how messed up it is?

So they have to get Crocker to believe again but with the magic training that will be hard. They just try to do some tricks to make him think he sees fairies. They go this his house and show him Cosmo and Wanda (and Poof) on some strings, but he doesn’t buy it.

“Fancy talking Pinatas!”

After only two fails, they just kidnap Crocker and take him to fairly world, which they can somehow get to without magic. But because of the magic problem, it doesn’t’ work.

“I’ve seen more magic at a bus stop in Toledo. But that’s a story for another time”

Okay, that was funny.

They decide that his therapist can get him back to crazy. There’s a quick gag with her a Couples Therapist…taking to the Mayor and Chompy. That’s also funny.
“I eat goat meat one lousy time and he won’t let it go’

Hey, a callback to Vicky Gets fired…my least favorite Season 6 episode. Great. They overhear her saying she has a secret phrase to undo the trance. Comso poofs them to fairly world, where the power runs out, before they can ask her. Because he’s stupid, LAUGH.

Fairly World starts to fall out of the sky and into giant bucket of acid world.

“In hindsight, I see it was not the best idea”

Lame.

They try out a bunch of phrases until they get it right. It’s ‘Mr Crocker, you’re the best teacher ever”. …Yeah. This works and Crocker spazzes out, giving them power again.

…This is a happy ending?

“I hope you learned you can’t rely on Crocker to power fairly world single handldley”

Spoilers, he didn’t.

“We are going to rely on all the nutjobs in the world!”

…That’s even WORSE. In the end, instead of their world running off the misery of one person, they run off the misery of tons of Crocker-like people all over the world.

….This is just messed up. There’s nothing happy about this! It makes no sense, it derails the world, and of course, it’s not funny. Timmy says they have to make sure Crocker never stops believing in fairies.

…Why?! You run off tons of weirdos now, why must you keep the one? Now this makes even less sense! Especially since all of our heroes support this!

With that, Crocker goes back to his therapist but this time she sees Cosmo and Wanda, making her go crazy about fairies. …Nothing is funny about this. It’s just…wow. It ends on that lame note, so we’re done here.

Final Thoughts:

What the hell were they thinking with this? If it’s meant to be funny, it doesn’t work because of things established in previous episodes. I can let some things slide but given the events of The Secret Origins of Denzell Crocker, this cannot be forgiven.

Now, as a viewing experience, this isn’t the worst as the Comedy isn’t too painful. But there’s nothing worth seeing here to the messed up story. Everything about this concept is wrong.

It contradicts previous episodes, and it derails…pretty much everyone. All of our heroes are okay with a whole world running off someone’s misery. I’ve seen some bad derailments but mass derailment of our whole cast (minus Timmy’s parents who are long gone anyway) is another story.

I don’t have to say it’s cruel and messed up. Yes, cruel can be funny but not in this context. I have no idea what made them think this was a good idea. This show has had its share of bad plots but even with Fairly Odd Pet I can see what they were thinking. At least more so than that.

The story is the issue more than the actual writing, since he just wrote what the story said. So I have no choice but to blame Amy, which really sucks. Just…yikes. Season 7 had a few MLP writers, and some of those episodes were good. Some might even end up on the lsit, who knows.

But this is just a messed up. It makes no sense, and it goes against everything established. It’s also cruel and bad. Even if I find an episode more painful to watch, this will be the worst episode due to its concept.

…That’s all I got.

Grade: D-

I wanted to do this, just to get my FOP bashing out of the way before we covering it’s gems. More on that when I get to that list, of course.

Next time, we’ll see if we’re crusin’ for a brusin’ or digging for gold.

See ya.

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Barbie Month: A Pony Tale

Barbie is Magic

Barbie is Magic

Hello, Spongey here. Welcome back to Barbie Month!

…I don’t have much for this one. Before our finale, I figured I’d jump ahead a bit to the amazing world of 2013. We saw the modern era started, so I wanted to see how it stands after a few years.

…And because I was amazed that they made a pony movie after all the pony connections. Since this came out “recently”, most of these are now intentional. They have to be.

Outside of that, I have nothing to say before we jump in. The director has done nothing, and our writers have a couple more Barbie movies…and an episode of Time Warp Trio.

Okay.

The only thing to note is that Kelly Sheridan is back as Barbie, as Aria got booted out starting with Mermaid Tale 2. Yes, Barbie movies have their own freaking sequels.

Also, this one has no Wikipedia page, so you know it’s good! I’m forced to rely on the Barbie Wiki because of course that’s a thing.

With that out of the way, let’s see if these movies get any better or just get worse. Let’s also see if I can avoid any obvious jokes.

This, is Barbie & Her Sisters in A Pony Tale

The movie opens with Barbie and her sisters, Skipper (Insert Masked Mutant joke here), Stacie, and Chelsea, arriving at Aunt Marlene’s Alpine Academy in the Alps for a month long horseback riding vacation.

Barbie has like 50 cool aunts at this point. Anyway, Chelsea is no one, Stacie is Sweetie Belle, and Skipper is Adagio. Sorry, too late to complete the Dazzlings. They are greeted by two of their cousins, voiced by Tabitha St Germain and Shanon Chen Kent. Tabitha’s character is a boy. Yeah.

They go to their rooms and they mention Barbie’s house and some tournament.

“You’re only the best rider on the West Coast”

*exposition*

Also, Skipped is distracted by technology, because of course she is. The rest go to pick their horses.

“The horses pick you”

Deep. The horse that picks Chelsea is named…Dash. Okay, I knew this might have creepy parts but come on! Dash is even a pony instead of a horse.

“But she’s so little”

But she’s your small equine! …Wait.. I should mention that the cousins have British accents and we just met their riding master, who has a French accents. They aren’t all that pleasant due to their Canadian voice actors.

They are then approached by two guys from a rival academy, who are of course snooty assholes. They say stuff and they leave. Okay then. Barbie has a hard time picking a horse and eventually settles on one.

What a riveting story so far.

The next morning, they are woken up by a goat. Naturally. A bit later, they head out on their horses and Barbie thinks she sees a magic white horse. That night, she notices that the Academy’s logo has that horse on it. According the French guy, the horse is from an ancient fable about a herd called the Majestique. No one thinks they are real.

Okay cool, it only took you like 18 minutes to get to something interesting. There hasn’t been a whole lot of plot up to this point. Also, he says some paintings of them proves nothing because there exist painting of faires and mermaids.

It’s funny cuz Barbie met both of those things. Wait, is this “canon” with the post Fashion Fairy Tale movies? I know that French critic actually appears in another one but that’s about it.

Then his brother pops up to basically tell us what we already know: The horse ain’t real. He leaves and then we cut to the next morning, I think. He had a point. Barbie bumps into some wolves but is saved by the white horse. Oh he exists, what a shock. He leaves and later on Barbie looks for him.

She finds him stuck inside some rocks, because even majestic magic horses aren’t perfect.

“You’re bleeding!”

Whoa, keep it G, Barbie. She helps him and leaves. I just realized how boring this plot it is. The magic horse is cool but they aren’t exactly doing anything cool with it so far. We also have subplots with the sisters, which aren’t adding much so far.

We then get a montage of Barbie bonding with the white horse, set to our obligatory forgettable pop tune. Meanwhile, the Aunt person tells Skipper that she may have to sell the academy. If they win the big race, they’ll have enough money to keep things float.

…So the main location of the film, owned by an Aunt, will be sold unless they make enough money and get new visitors by a certain day. …We just did this in Fashion Fairytale. It’s the same conflict. Did they seriously think we wouldn’t notice?

So the only thing that counts as interesting here is some of the stuff with the sisters, which isn’t that exciting either. Yay. Skipper tells Barbie about this, and she says that Barbie should enter the race with Majesty (the horse got a name, yay) so they can win. I’m pretty sure using a magic horse is cheating.

Barbie says no because she’s afraid that once people know who she is, Majesty’s kind will be hunted down. They’ll just have to win the boring way. After that, Barbie gives Stacie a speech on how to control her horse cuz yeah, the sisters are still important. She bonds with the horse incredibly quickly after that. It’s almost like that plot was pointless or something.

With that, the Tournament starts but it’s a multi-day and multi even thing so it’s not a big deal that we’re only 44 minutes in. At the end of Day 1, Alpine Academy and École Montagne are tied for first place.

There’s a ball that night because we gotta pad out this movie somehow. Also, Skipper hooks up with that Snooty guy. Barbie is surprised the others didn’t see that coming. It was poorly foreshadowed so for once the movie pointing out its own predictably doesn’t work.

While all of that nothing is going on, the riding master guy’s brother let’s all the horses out because he’s evil now I guess. Chelsea snuck out to ride a big horse, which ends with the French riding master guy getting his arm hurt so he can’t compete. So it was Chelsea who helped sabotage the thing instead of the guy letting the horses out. He’s lame.

Okay, the horses leaving is a problem to but that other thing would be a problem even if he failed. One guy happens to know how to track them so he heads out to find them. They search all night and fail to find the horses, but Barbie gets reason to believe Majesty found them and took them to her place, and yep, that is the case.

Another problem easily solved by the writers.

They take the horses back and bump into Phillippe, that brother guy. It turns out he always knew that the magic horses were real and now he has a general idea of where they were. So this was a bug plan to find out where the horses were since he just suspected Barbie knew? A bit convoluted but okay.

The land belongs to other people, but since he thinks they will lose the land after the tournament, he isn’t sweating about it. Dude, you’re evil, who owns the land should irrevealnt since you’re gonna do illegal stuff anyway.

They arrive at the tournament and Barbie rides for them with the French guy out of commission. Because of course she does cuz she’s perfect at everything. Naturally, Phillippe does some dirty tricks and of course no one can see it but Barbie.

“Barbie Roberts is down!”

…Barbie has a last name? My mind is blown.

Barbie easily gets back on her horse, because he didn’t count on her…being able to get up. Barbie wins and he is foiled. Yeah, didn’t think it would take any effort in the slightest.

Riding Master Guy chews out Phillippe but it’s treated like a brotherly spat instead of a real villain defeat. Man, these villains are so lame. Hell, his freaking mother shows up to give him a time out….okay that’s funny.

With that, the Academy is saved and they find out the horse legend is true which has no real effect on anything. It’s amazing how little I care about anything. The sisters’ subplots are hastily wrapped up (Skippers likes the snooty guy, Chelsea likes her little pony, and Stacie uh…did stuff) they say their goodbyes.

Barbie lets majesty go cuz she has to be with her kind and all that. They only just introduced the concept of keeping her so the “love something=set it free” thing doesn’t really work.

With that rushed goodbye, everyone finally leaves. Also, the goat took their boarding passes. Hilarious. The End. Yep, abrupt ending. Figured but even by the standards of these movies that was a lame ending. It’s like no one really cared about this thing except the voice actors. This review was lame to match.

Final Thoughts:

Well, we’re back to boring movies that give me little to talk about. It had a bit more to discuss than Nutcracker but it’s still pretty empty. I know most of the Barbie films are filler, but they could bother to make a proper movie sometimes.

The problem with this one is the plot. The main focus is pretty weak and everything else is even weaker. The main story deals with some magic horse, but they barely develop Barbie’s relationship with it, so when they do that cliché it doesn’t work.

Everything is underdeveloped here, and the big conflict feels weak. With the last two, I could almost care about what was going on. Not so much here. The voice actors do a way better job at making me interested than the actual writing.

They attempt some heart but in the end the weak writing gets the best of them. They are some cool things but that’s about it. On the bright side, the animation has improved again even if it’s still not the best.

The characters are a bit better than in some others, but they are still boring. Barbie is…well Barbie so she’s boring. The sisters are sort of amusing but doesn’t get a lot to do. Their subplots really don’t amount to anything. Skipper hooks up with a guy. That’s all you get.

The villain is especially lame even if his bad French accent makes him kind of amusing. It’s worth noting the movie is only 67 minutes long, which could be part of why it’s weak. It’s actually the closest to being “Bad” so far even though I consider it to be a bit better than Nutcracker at least.

The writing is just so weak and it feels like it was rushed out. …It was but that’s not the point. It’s still not painful but after I finished it, I thought less of it. –It also had less pony actors to mock which sucks given the subject matter. At least we had Dash.

Overall, this is another weak Barbie movie that has some especially weak writing. However, it’s still not terrible and it’s not too annoying. I only did it for the obvious reason. It’s….a Barbie movie so I shouldn’t have expected more.

Grade: C-

Well, we’re in the home stretch. Only one more to go. Now, what shall we do for our grand finale? It’s a very very recent one. And…well, Barbie has always been capitalizing on popular trends, so it’s only logical she’d do a pretty big one. The answer is in this question: What’s the genre of the most notable film to come out this past weekend?

See ya.

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Lab Rats-Face Off

Hello, Spongey here.

After …last time, I figured we would go back to the well of duds. A bad episode of a show I like. This one is odd as it is tame, since the plot isn’t the worse but the parts that bug me…piss me off.

With that said, Lab Rats! A while ago, I did a look at Disney XD Sitcoms, and in that I more or less praised this show. If you don’t feel like reading that again, here’s the short version:

It’s about a kid who moves into his Step father’s house and finds out he has mdoe bionic kids and hilarity ensues. The show is certaintly dumb like a lot of other Disney shows, but it works due to having a pretty good story.

It has some interesting arcs and it gets really intense at times. When it’s at it’s best, it’s intense, fun, and very dramatic and well done. I praised Back From the Future, but since then we’ve had episodes that are almost as good.

Wanna know how dark it gets? Two villains have died. Flat out DIED. The latter even had an impact as one of that villains “kids” got mad and tries to start a rebellion over it.

Yeah. A lot has happened since my look at it, and I plan to revisit it at some point. But for now, let’s go into its dud. Sometime during Season 2, especially in the 2nd half, it’s flaws started to show.

The mean humor showed up more and then there’s Adam. He’s always been a mixed bag. Sometimes he’s funny, other time he’s worse the live action version of Modern Patrick. As time went on that showed up more, especially when it comes to his treatment of Chase.

That reached it’s apex in My Little Brother, where Chase finally gets his revenge and it seems like they resolved it. …Until there’s a dumb joke that ruins the sweet moment that shows that he learned nothing.

Ugh. I would have reviewed that if it weren’t for this episode coming along. Since that episode, he’s not quite as bad. I’d say the show is average to weak when it comes to Comedy (although not offensively bad) and great when it comes to the plot. This continues into Season 4.

But with the Lab Rats/Mighty Med Crossover (the first official XD crossover!), I wanted to look at this turd from Season 3. It’s not even an Adam episode, yet it has his worst performance to date.

Like I said, this one is sort of tame as the plot isn’t really the worse, but man is it …flawed. There’s only thing to mention before we jump in: At this point in the show, the world knows they are Bionic.
…Again, long story.

So let’s see how you can me want to kill a usually just mixed character.

This, is Face Off

Writer: Julia Miranda

The episode starts at school as Bree proclaims that some boy asked her to the Winter Dance. Well, he’s no government robot but I bet he’s cool. He shows up but then Adam takes over the intercom and pretends to be Principal Perry, saying embarrassing things about Bree.

And it begin. He only gets worse from here. Keep in mind she did pretty much nothing to him yet. At least Chase is his obligatory punching bag but Bree? Not so much. She calls him out but he has no real excuse. He then pants’ Chase because why not.

After the intro, Chase tells Bree of an idea to get revenge on him. I’m usually against petty revenge, but given how Adam is here, I’ll make an exception. Mr. Davenport made Cyber masks, which lets you take on the form of other people.
They try it out and it works. Now, I will say right now that the actual plot is fine. But as you might guess, a certain character helps ruin it. Speaking of plots, it’s time for the Sub one. It’s alright, but I don’t remember it much so let’s see how it goes.

Davenport leaves for an important meeting, and Douglas (his brother, don’t ask) looks into his briefcase and finds a “Shortlist for #2”, making them think Davenport is looking for a vice president for his company. They decide to compete for the spot. Yeah, it’s that plot but…eh I’ve seen it done worse.

At school, something hits me. Perry is sick at home, but who is in charge while she’s gone? Adam just kind of goes into her office with no one stopping her. Shouldn’t someone be there or something? Anyway, Bree turns into Perry and chews him out and forces him to dress up as Chase. Ouch.

So they have their revenge, episode over! …Nope, and this is where most of the good stuff ends, for the most part. Back in the subplot, Leo and Douglas compete to impress Davenport . And he gets suspicious and they spill the beans.

…Well that was fast. Episode over!

It turns out that list wasn’t for a vice president, but Donald doesn’t tell them that and makes them compete for the spot. Yeah, he’s punishing them for snooping. More on that later.

“May the man who hasn’t tried to kill you and steal your children win!”

…If you know the context, you’ll think that’s a low blow too.

That night, Bree gets ready for the dance and tells Adam about their prank. What does he think?

“Best prank ever!”

…It didn’t sink in. Which makes punishing him kind of pointless. If the person you prank doesn’t’ care, than it’s not a good prank. Jake shows up at the door, but Bree’s cyber mask is stuck, because she turned into Perry to prove that it was her. And that’s our plot.

It’s not a bad idea on paper, even it came out of an odd place. However…well you’ll see.

She has Chase turn into her so he can tell Jake she’s sick. Against his will, he does so. Bree with Chase’s voice is…actually pretty funny. Actually, there’s some okay Comedy overall here when it’s not dealing with Adam. The actress actually does a good job acting like Chase which makes it even funnier.

Speaking of Adam, he’s just watching this with glee and making dumb comments. He’s bad now but not the worst. Just wait.

“She’s not sick, she’s just nervous. She’s super into you”

And there we go. Adam just made the situation worse on purpose. His shit eating grin just makes everything even worse. So now Chase as Bree must take Chase to the dance until they can fix this. This would work if Adam was not involved at all.

“Jake, it’s okay if you wanna hold Bree’s hand!”

Ugh. Yes, he tags along just to be a dick. See, if he was made at their prank, he would be doing this to get revenge. But because he showed no issue with it, he’s just doing to be a dick. It would still be dumb, but at least it would make sense!

At the dance, Adam takes over as the DJ and plays a slow love ballad. Look, I know you love picking on Chase but seriously? Back in the subplot, Danveport makes them do dumb things to get the position, and while it goes a bit too far, I can’t say they don’t deserve it. …Okay the weird shock therapy bit goes too far.

Back at the dance, awkward stuff happens and Adam is just loving it. My god, his attitude is just insufferable. I can’t blame the actor because it’s the director’s job to tell him to not be a smug asshole.

“This is the worst day of my life”

“And the best day of mine”

Because the worse hates Bree and Chase, Perry shows up. Why? I have no idea, but I hope they explain it. Bree as Perry bumps into Perry which is kind of amusing. It turns out Perry has a twin and she thinks Bree Perry is her. Yeah.

She doesn’t like her so it’s awkward. This is kind of funny but it just piles on the main issue with the episode, besides Adam.

Let’s finish the subplot. They finally crack and Davenport reveals that this is all just to mess with them. The shortlist was about #2 on the Davenport Industries Softball team. Yeah. He did all to teach them a lesson about looking through his stuff.

Yeah, Douglas did it, Leo actually said it’s immoral but he couldn’t stop him from doing it. He only went further since once they knew the info, there was no going back. Also, I will say that his methods went a bit too far, but at least it was to teach a lesson.

So that’s the end of that plot. It’s flawed but tolerable compared to the main plot. It does affect that plot, as Davenport notices that the Cybermasks are active and turns them off.

The results aren’t pretty.

“Awesome!”

Shut up Adam. Then…it just sorts of cuts to commercial, where the final scene is away from the dance. Chase just walks away with a funny line and Bree makes a dumb comment. Adam rejoices cuz he’s an asshole. …Okay.

Later, Bree has explained everything to Jake and he’s cool with it. Good, everything turned out well in the end despite everything. I suppose I can forgive the flaws now.

“I’’ll be waiting”

Bree walks away…and Jake turns back into Perry.
“You’ll be waiting all night”

Of course. We can’t end on a happy note. We gotta make it so things end badly for Bree, making this whole episode pointless. Adam gets no true comeuppance and we have no idea what happened with the real Jake. Lovely.

There’s more to say but I’ll say it down below.

Final Thoughts:

In hindsight, this review was a bit pointless. There wasn’t much to say about the actual plot in the end and everything I have to say goes here. …But I just wanted to discuss Adam and this episode so the next time I discuss this show, I can focus on the positive.

Honestly, this one was pretty tame. The actual plot was okay and some of it is pretty amusing, and the subplot is tolerable. However, the ending alone just ruins it..along with Adam. Notice that he adds nothing positive to the actual plot?

He only starts the plot with the prank but that’s it. He just makes thing worse and acts like a smug asshole. This is him at his worst because everything he says and does just pisses me off. He’s not the focus so at least we’re not suppose to really “like him” but how is any of this funny? He is a one of the “Heroes” but I’ve seen the actual villains act nicer!

Adam just sucks here and he only makes things worse. And of course, the whole thing exists to torture Bree and Chase for no reason. It it was payback for stopping to revenge, than it was done very poorly.

It’s just lame, cruel and stupid, with the worst performance of a character are supposed to like. …That’s really about it. Again, maybe I pointless review but I had to say this. There are other episodes that are weak but this one shows it’s issues the most, so I say it’s the worst.

It’s not terrible, but it’s pretty weak and obviously not worth watching. Ah well, at least it wasn’t important.

Grade: C-

Next time, we’ll likely look at one that actually tries and is worth examining. Or maybe we’ll dig for gold, I don’t know. Hell, maybe we’ll even get animated.

See ya.

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Barbie Month: A Fashion Fairytale

Aria Blaze runs off to Paris and must stop Silverspoon, and  helps Rarity achieve her dreams, along with Pinkie Pie

Aria Blaze runs off to Paris and must stop Silverspoon, and helps Rarity achieve her dreams, along with Pinkie Pie

Hello, Spongey here. And welcome back to Barbie Month!

I think we’ve covered enough of the classic era, so today we’ll jump forward a tad. See, for 16 films spanning 2001 to 2009, they mostly stuck to fantasy stories, either basing them on classic stories, or just being typical fantasy fair. Mostly with Barbie telling some story.

However, they started running into copyright issues with their planned adaption of Sleeping Beauty, so they switched gears. Instead, they would make Barbie more Modern. And by that I mean HIP 4 DA KIDZ YO.

While that concept makes me shudder, I like that they decided to make these movies more like Barbie instead of just better stories with Barbie slapped on. So in 2010, they started the Modern Era which is still going to this day.

And we’ll be doing those films for the rest of the month because…they look like they have more to mock. Of course, we’ll start with the first entra in the Modern Era. It’s so Modern that changed Barbie’s voice actress, which Tv Tropes says did not please the fans.


There are fans of this stuff?

Instead of Kelly Sheridan/Starlight Glimmer, it’s Diana Kaarina/Aria Blaze. …They only switched one MLP villain with another. They just wanted to drive me crazy with the pony connections. And to think this was the last Barbie movie released before MLP become a thing.

With the writer of Barbie Thumblinea and the director of some Monster High films on board, this is sure to be a hoot. So let’s take a look and see how they bring Barbie into the Modern Era.

This, is Barbie: A Fashion Fairytale

The thing starts with the big epic universal logo. …Seeing that in front of a Barbie movie makes me feel dirty. The movie actually starts with some woman showing Princess Barbie her huge bed. What an exciting way to start a movie.

“Bring out…the peas”!

…And then some giant peas come out, saying they’ll eat her brains. …Then they sing about it.

I’ve found it. The greatest motion picture of all time.

Okay, it turns out this is actually a movie Barbie is starring in. Her career took a weird turn. Barbie doesn’t’ seem to agree with me as she objects to them. They weren’t in the script.

“Just a little pizazz I added this morning…or should I say peazazz”

Booo.

“That was a good one, tweet that and put it on my blog”

Ugh.

“It just doesn’t make sense”

“Who cares? Zombies are hip”

…Whoa, Barbie is getting into commentary here. I mean, we have a dude adding useless crap into his movie simply because it’s popular. Although I must say a Barbie is the last movie to be commenting on this stuff.

Barbie says the cool story from the original will be lost with these additions. Okay, stop being smart, movie.

“You know that flapping thing you’re doing with your mouth?”

“You mean expressing my opinion?”

“Yeah, no more of that”

What a douche.

Eventually, Todd the Director gets pissed and fires her. Ouch. I’m gonna analyze the animation now: It has improved, at least with the character animation. Far less bad than usual, but the movements are pretty awkward, and the backgrounds are pretty bland. …That’s all I got so let’s move on.

Barbie goes home with her friends, and I notice that in the background, oyu see a poster for the previous Barbie movie, Mermaid Tail. …Are they implying most of the films up to this point are just fake films made by the real Barbie, an actress? Cuz…that’s weird.

She goes online and sees that not only has the word about her firing spread, but she has…received negative comments about her.

…Okay, this is officially the most meta Barbie movie EVER. By the way, her two friends are Grace and Tersa. One is normal and black, and the other is the dumb one. The dumb one is voiced by Sonta Duck.

…She’s playing the same character, right down to being friends with Aria here. That’s other type casting, or a hilarious in hindsight situation. Let’s bring in Kazumi Evans to complete the Dazzlings, while we’re at it!

…She is in a Barbie movie, but not this one.

Those comments get to Barbie and she thinks she should quit acting. She almost changes her mind, but Ken calls and dumps her. Yikes, this movie is almost making me feel bad for Barbie.

Almost.

“Unless…Ken got kidnapped by aliens and they took over his body!””

Go back to sleep, Sonata. …Hey, I had to say it at least once. Anyway, I predict this will be some kind of weird misunderstanding, based on how Ken worded it. He said “if you’re smart, you’ll forget that I exist”. No normal person says that unless he’s being forced to say these things.

With that, they decided to take a little vacation to clear their heads. They shall visit Barbie’s Aunt Millicent, who is a designer in Paris. Of course she is. Also, her dogs talk…sort of. We hear them talk but they just hear barking.

Because this franchise needed a talking a dog. They are thankfully not voiced by anyone I know. So with a quick travel montage, Barbie arrives in Paris. We cut to Ken hanging out with local Alpha Bitch Raquelle, voiced by Lightning Dust. Christ, is everypony gonna show up?

Ken is confused by the fact that Barbie won’t answer his calls. Hm…. Barbie’s friends walk in (guess they stayed behind) and get angry upon seeing them together.

“I would never dump Barbie!”

Someone pick up the phone. Because I called it. As it turns out, Raqulle tricked Ken into saying that so she can play the recording the Barbie and make her think he dumped her. Wow, that’s pretty crafty, even by Alpha Bitch standards. I have my favorite character!

Anyway, they just ignore Raquell and say Ken must get his ass to Paris to have a big reuniting scene. Back in Paris, Barbie bumps into a designer named Jacqueline, and her assistant Delphine. The latter is voiced by Shanon Chen Kent, aka Silver Spoon/Singing voice of Pinkie Pie. Seriously, where’s Tara Strong? Might as well drag her in too!

“You must know Millicent”

Because all designers know each other?

Jacqueline just laughs and then leaves. Okay. Barbie goes to meet Millicent and she is indeed the “cool” aunt. Wikipedia she has a pony role but it’s so small I don’t even remember it. You get a pass this time.

She has a snooty cat voiced by Anna from Time Wrap Trio. …At least it’s not MLP. Millicent has an assistant named Marie Alecia, voiced by Tabitha St Germain. Of course. I say that because she’s voicing someone working in fashion. What’s more important is that Millicent is closing up shop and moving to the country.

She’s doing this because her “audience” hasn’t been fond of her latest works.

“If your audience doesn’t like what you do, does it make sense to keep on doing it?’

“No, no it doesn’t”

…Eh, I’m not sure. You just find out why they don’t like it and change it instead of just giving up. Barbie is cool with this which I did not expect, but I’m sure that will change in a bit.

Also, we find out Millicent also has a dog that gets a crush on Barbie’s dog. Why do these characters exist? Barbie and Marie hang out, as she explains that there’s some legend about fairies that hung out at the place this thing was built on top of. Oh yeah, this thing is called a Fashion FAIRYtale so it’s still gotta have magic.

She believes in this stuff because reasons, so they try to summon the fairies. Also, there’s this line:

“When I did The Three Musketeers, we shot in this old French castle”

Okay, so I guess all the movies before this did only exist as actual movies this Barbie made. …that’s actually kind of clever. It even explains the flaws of them!

They put a dress in this wardrobe, chant some French words, and boom, fairies appear. I should have known it be insultingly easy. These things are named Shine, Shimmer, and Glimmer. They couldn’t have picked dumber names.

And of course, one of them has to be voiced by Andrea Libman. The others are Spitfire, and Daring Do. Also, they are not fairies…they are flaries.

“We have flair!”

Andrea said that and she’s doing the Pinkie Pie voice here, and i would have picked up the voice even without looking it up.

“We came to life in this fashion house. It’s the source of our powers”

That raises some questions that will never be answered. This is only the case so we have a reason to have Millicent stay and keep the place. Because just having her stay to keep following her dreams isn’t good enough.

Angry, they decide to give Millicent a piece of their minds. They confront her right away, since this movie decides not to pad things out further. Except there was a scene with Ken in-between this that I skipped because it was stupid.

It doesn’t long to convince Millicent that these things are real and that the place must not be sold. But it’s too late and she’d have to make a bunch of money to get it back. She can’t do that by Friday so they are boned until …eh, I’d give it 3 minutes, tops.

Someone walking by sees a dress the fairies (I am not calling them flaries) sparkled up and wants to buy it. Dang, that wasn’t even one minute! With that, Marie will make a fashion line so they make enough money to buy the place back.

Yeah, didn’t mention that she dabbles in fashion but was too shy to mention it. Every little cliché bit is piling up right now. This plot is looking pretty weak right now. I prefer it when it was about Barbie being bumped out by internet comments.

Then we get a montage of them going around Paris to get inspiration for their fashion line. The montage song is weak so replace it with Art of the Dress because it’s fitting.

After another dumb scene with Ken, they tell Millicent about their plan and she approves. After another Ken scene, we get more crap with the animals. Sigh. Then we move back to the actual plot as our heroes have made some pet fashions. Sure you don’t wanna call Blythe for that?
…Hey, there’s so much MLP here, we might as well fit LPS while we’re at it. Then it’s more of Ken’s adventures. His antics are actually kind of amusing, as a sort of road trip comedy. But t’s still just padding.

Meanwhile, the French designer bad guy person finally exists again as she plots to steal Millicent’s ideas. She finds out about the fairies and sneaks in that night to catch them. They do so pretty easily. …Well, yeah that was too easy.

She forces them to use their powers on her outfits to make them look better. But they kind of need to be inspired by a dress before they work their magic, though the bad chick doesn’t care and makes them do it anyway. They do it and it looks fine right now. Got nothing to comment on here, pretty typical stuff right now.

Barbie and the other discover that the fairies are missing. Despite this, they truck on because Marie’s designs are just that good, and Millicent has becomes inspired, despite what her critics say. As it sad that this message is done better than Review it Up? At least this one isn’t attacking anyone specific.

Anyway, this is cool and all but they should still try to find the fairies due to the fact that missing people is a bad thing. But we just we get a montage of them getting ready for the fashion show. Uh, guys? Fairies? Missing? Gonna get on that?

In the meantime, there’s a bit with Ken on a plane sitting next to …the zombie pea actors from earlier, on their way to Veggie con

Okay, that’s funny. …Then we cut back. That only last liked 10 seconds. That night, the Fairies set off a signal so the humans can see it and track them down. …But the animals see it instead. Ugh. They free the fairies and they return home.

…That was way too easy. No one got woken up by their noise or anything? In the end, the fairies being kidnapped was pointless!

That night, Jaqueline has her own fashion show which is way more popular. Wait, it’s been hours and they haven’t notice that the fairies have left? Speaking of which, the negative effects of them doing magic to bad design sets in and they all turn to crap.

“I’ve heard of trashy clothes but this is ridiculous!”

They run off to Millicent’s in hopes of something better, and they get it. Barbie then gives us an inspiriting speech and we finally start the fashion show thingy.

“We call it, A Fashion Fairytale!”

Roll credits!

Also, when the dogs come out, they play “Who let the dogs out”. Seriously. The show is a big hit, and Ken finally arrives to apologize to Barbie. This grand gesture is all Barbie needs, so they love each other again. Glad that epic-ness was resolved.

To make it better, one person alone writes them a chick for a butt load of money so they can buy their place back. By the way, they are approached by a high profile critic who came by, and she is voiced by Celestia. You just had to squeeze one more in, didn’t ya? (Although you can’t tell, cuz, like Shanon and Tabitha’s characters, she had a bad French accent).

Jaqueline comes by…and apologies. She’s a good guy now cuz Millicent’s line inspired her.

…Sigh. Now they will all work together. Also, a very minor subplot where Pinkie Pie trying to channel her magic is resolve as she finds out it works when she makes new things.

…Yay?

‘I’m a designer!”

Imagine pinkie pie saying that. Are you laughing like I am?

Then the director guy comes by and offers Barbie a new job. She says she’ll consider because rejecting him would be too mean for her, I guess.

“Barbie, you’re magic!”

So yeah, everyone is happy and they ride off into the night. Roll credits. Oddly enough, I’m okay with how this ended compared to the last two. It felt a bit happier despite the weak plot.

Oh, and apparently this character who wanted to buy the place that I didn’t mention, was voiced by Flash Sentry. No comment. AND the woman at the very very start was Spike, The Zombie Peas were Bulk biceps, and the director was Big Mac. TOO MUCH PONY.

….And there’s a quote from Barbie at the very end. Guess Lavagirl didn’t have any good wisdom that week.

Final Thoughts:

Well…this is the “Best’ one I’ve seen so far. I’ll give it that. …But that’s not saying much. However, I will say this: I got enjoyment out of this one. Yes, some of it was because it was so dumb but it did have some good humor. Hell, this one actually had humor.

The villains, Soanta, and Ken especially give us some fun moments and this one had more of a sense of fun than the others, which were kind of dreary. I even liked a few of the characters, as some were amusing and I did like the lengths Ken went for Barbie. It also had a couple nice nice moments.

Also, the animation is better. Not the best, but…passable.

I also liked the Meta stuff, which made this one kind of fun in a guilty pleasure way. However, it’s pretty flawed.

As usual, the characters are mostly weak. However, some have likable traits and only the animals were annoying. Seriously, they had no reason to be here. But really, the biggest issue was the story.

It was weak and not well paced. It starts out interesting with Barbie’s little story but then it just goes away with some half-baked stuff with Millicent. The fairies feel kind of forced and the villain doesn’t really do anything until halfway through the movie!

Everything is resolved so quickly that it makes all the conflicts pointless. I like some of the morals and the “development” but the story itself is weak and padded. But at least it makes sense and it has a few nice moments.

As a whole this one was still meh. It was still cliché, not well written and had a weak story. However, it actually had energy and a few nice moments. It was kind of enjoyable for its stud pity, which is more than I can say for our last two films. Yes, Thumbelina had a tighter story but it wasn’t that fun while this one had some amusing moments.

I heard some of these movies were So Bad It’s Good, and while this one is no Freddie as Fr07, it was sort of enjoyable in some parts for how dumb it is. And seriously, that meta stuff.

So yeah, not very good but I didn’t hate myself for watching it. Huh, maybe this modern take isn’t too bad after all.

Grade: C

But seriously, this pony thing is crazy. I only mention it a lot cuz it keeps happening! There’s no way they could take this pony thing further.

Barbie_and_Her_Sisters_in_A_Pony_Tale_Poster

….Crap.

See ya.

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Sam and Cat-#MadAboutShoe

Hello, Spongey here.

We started this TV Marathon with a Dan Schneider show, so I suppose it only makes sense to revisit him. That show was probably his best, so let’s switch to his worst!

I think I mentioned in that review, or elsewhere that I like his stuff in the same way I like the Disney Sitcoms. They are dumb guilty pleasures, but they do tend to be better thanks to some good episodes and typically better actors.

However, they are all fairly flawed. They all feature a few unlikable characters, mean humor, dumb jokes, and characters getting away with being horrible. Even Drake and Josh had this and it was all downhill from there.

For their flaws, I could tolerate most of iCarly, Victorious and Zoey 101. Hell, even Henry Danger is in the same vein so far. But even I can’t 100 percent defend Sam and Cat. Yeah, this one seen as his worst show yet and….yeah it is.

Now, it does have some amusing things in it and it has that guilty pleasure element in there. But overall…it’s problamtic. The main issue comes with the very premise. This show pairs up Sam from iCarly and Cat from Victorious. Already, we have a problem.

Cat was basically a comedy relive and we know how making those the stars turns out. Her shtick worked there because sometimes she talked like a human being and she was just suportign. In this show, she’s the star so her comedy gets old quickly and she’s flanderized to hell. She’s way dumber than before and she rarely talks normal.

Then there’s Sam. She was …mixed. Sometimes she was funny with her bitchy-ness and charming. Other times, she was horrible. She was enough of an issue being a purporting character, so as you can imagine, giving her a show was not a good idea.

You think they would make her likable since she has to be in the spot light. Nope. While she switched between good and bad, she was all bad here. That’s right, she rarely had a nice moment and she was horrible most of the time.

So far, it looks bad but if they just had their own place and did wacky stuff…maybe we could have something. But the premise is that they have a Babysitting service. This horrible version of Sam is entrusted with kids.

…Yikes. And there’s our problem. We pair two side characters and make them annoying and have them take care of kids. The show was meaner and dumber than previous shows and had very few nice moments. We had a couple early on but not so much later.

It took iCarly a few seasons to become as infamous as it is. This only lasted one season and it went from meh to…pretty bad. Yikes, imagine is this went on for many seasons. And no, I won’t comment on the…contions it ended on. Shit happens, and I’m not go around talking about who was in the right or wrong.

But I will say it is ironic. See, Victorious got canceled early and it never got a proper finale. In the 2nd Sam and Cat episode, their favorite show gets canceled and they say stuff like this:

“They didn’t even have a big final episode!”

“What kind of Network cancels a hit?”

Subtle.

But I’m getting off track. The show has it’s moments and I don’t hate it. But overall, it is mediocre due to lacking all the good stuff Dan’s previous shows had and mostly being bad. So of course I needed to review an episode.

I watched every episode to find the big turd and originally I was going to cover #Twinfection. Oh, and the titles have hash tags. Great. But then I saw this episode and…it made me angry.

More so than any other thing I’m reviewing in this TV Marathon. Yeah. From that alone you know this is going to be fun, so let’s get this over with.

This, is #MadAboutShoe

Writers: Dan Schneider and Christopher J Nowak

The episode starts with Sam babysitting a kid. Oh yeah, we’re off to a good start already He wants her to help him take out his loose tooth. Yeah, ask Sam to pull out a tooth, that’s a great idea.

She pulls it out the old fashioned way and surprisingly it ends “well” with no blood.

“You yanked out the wrong tooth!”

“…Yeah, let’s not tell your parents about this”

Like I said, good start.

Cat arrives with part stuff for…well.

“The Throbbing moon!”

Don’t worry, it’s just a lunar occurrence where the moon pulses with light. Cat has even made meatballs for their viewing party…which Sam has already eaten. Of course.

Now Cat must make some new meatballs and they head off to get some meatball stuff. This sadly isn’t the actual plot. The tooth kids Mom shows up to rightfully complain …and Sam pretends they’ve never met.

“What have I told you about lying?”

….We’re just now up to the theme song ( a mere 4 minutes in) and this is not looking good.

After said theme month (which is waaay better than this show deserves), Cat says that her Nona taught her how to make the meatballs. It’s not important but whatever. What is important is that they find a random show on the sidewalk.

“The best shoe ever!”

She likes it…a bit too much.

“It’s love at first shoe!”

…Yeah. Cat is now obsessed with finding the other shoe. Okay, she just wants to get the shoe back to its owner, that’s fine. …Right?

They fail to find it a dumpster and Sam is having none of this.

“I have to find the other pink shoe!”

“But I love your meatballs”

Later, Cat is talking to Dice about the shoe and we see her big convulted plan to find the show. She got obsessed way too fast. She from finding it right to wanting to hump it. This is not good pacing.

Also, Cat is really annoying her. Her voice is bad enough without screaming about a shoe. I get that it’s the point but they take it too far. Not to mention she fails to mention finding the owner, she just cares about the shoe, from the looks of it.

Dice asks if she checked online and….she did. She yells for like a minute about it. Are pink shoes really that hard to find?

“Let’s bring this shoe home Dice…let’s bring her home”

…You’re creeping me out.

Anyway, Sam plans to use Nona to get her the meatballs she craves. Of course she invites her over as a ruse to get the meatballs. Because the writers realized the shoe plot was too flimsy. That and some of Sam’s stuff is…sometimes funny.

After her plan fails, Cat shows up, revealing that they’ve find the location of the shoe. Oh boy, this is where it gets worse. First, they pretty much annoy Dice while getting him to show them some video. Dice is this show’s Freddie, pretty much.

Basically, they saw a news story saying some girl have a bike accident, and she happens to be the owner of the shoe. She got into this accident while a show about pipers (people that install pie) was being filmed.

“That’s a large pipe”

We see the video and we see the girl running into the pipe that the guys on the show were holding. A few things wrong here. The main thing is…that it’s pretty painful to watch because they linger on her pain. And the laugh track drones on and on.

2nd, they care more about the stinking pipe than the injured girl. And 3rd, wouldn’t there be cameras and a crew around there so this kind of shit doesn’t happen1? I have a feeling these guys are going to get sued!

And 4th , this girl is Stacey Dillsen from Zoey 101. …Yeah, this show had a few cameos from other Dan Schneider characters. Since this is a crossover spin off, it fits but they used it so much it’s like the writers were out of original ideas or something.

From what I remember, she was the butt monkey there and somehow her treatment is worse her. It’s fan service doing …badly.

“That was hilarious”

No…it wasn’t.

Anyway, the other show still belongs to Stacey so I guess they gotta give up and just give their shoe back to her.

“We gotta go visit her”

“To give her back the shoe you found?”

“No, to get the other shoe!”

“Come on Cat, the girl is in it the hospital, we’re not gonna go there and take the shoe off her-

“Meatballs”

“Let’s get that shoe”

You are horrible people. First off, what it does say when SAM is calling you out? 2nd…what the hell? Isn’t Cat the nice one? She wants to take a poor injured girls property, for god’s sake. I can forgive Sam since she has a reason for going after the shoe, as dumb as it is. She at least brought up the problem here

But guess what? This isn’t even the worst part.

They head to the hospital and visit Stacey. Sam is disguised as a nurse so we get lame cover up jokes when a Doctor comes in. It’s such a short bit that it’s just pointless.

Then comes the bad part. See, The Audience noises in shows typical don’t bother me, be it the laugh track or applause. For some reason, it’s not an issue. If a laugh track follows a bad joke like in this show then it’s just a minor issue. Random applause are kind of dumb. You know about the dumb one in #MyPoober but this one is worse.

They find the shoes and…the applause plays. The applause plays…after they steal the preopty of a poor injured girl in the hospital.

When I first saw this, I was….pretty angry. Like…one mental breakdown later angry. That’s part of why I didn’t review it right away because I needed to calm down first. Now I’m calm and I’m just….ugh.

It’s one thing to make us think this crap is funny. It’s one thing to put applause at a plot point, like them getting their money back. Here, they honestly expect us to CHEER at these characters stealing something from an injured girl.

What the actual fuck.

And yes, it was just added later but the way it’s written wants us to see this is a good moment. Just…why? Yes, Sam has done worse but Cat is usually just annoying, not….like this!

But whatever, let’s just get this over with .Stacey wakes up and they try to lie their way through this.

“She’s…your friend, here to visit you”

“I have friends?”

By the way, Stacey and Sam interacted in previous cameos she had in iCarly so I wonder why neither recognize each other. Eventually Stacey gets a clearer head and threatens to call the head nurse.

Sam and Cat just dive out the window. It’s a good thing they’re on the first floor…

With their shoes in toe, we cut to later with our…main characters watching the throbbing moon.

“So beautiful”

“And throbbing”

Please stop talking about meatballs, large pipes, and throbbing things. I know these shows are known for thing kind of thing and it’s usually funny when not overused and forced.

Cat shows off her shoes and Dice says “Nice” which means okay with her thievery. Come on, Dice of all people should have an issue with this.

“How great are these meatballs”

“Well I learned from the best”

AUDIENCE: Aww.


No. You are not allowed to attempt any kind of “Sweet” moments after that shit! This is insulting.

And with a lame joke about Nona rambling, the episode ends. Well that sucked.


Final Thoughts:

“This episode goes beneath the bottom of the bakery. It’s the corpses from where the cemetery was that the bakery was built upon”-Kyle Northrup/Norty (http://www.zippcast.com/video/05943ec97ee9d5b4dc3 )

It’s weird how I was less angry here than why I first saw it. I think it’s because I ranted on Deviant Art and Twitter first so I’m just kind of tired. But trust me, I did get angrier at this one than most of the stuff I’ve reviewed lately, movies included.

All the shows usually problems made even worse with that one small moment. The only thing it’s missing is Goomer to make it even dumber. We have bad jokes, cruel parts, and characters being annoying and unlikable.

While Sam is an issue here, she isn’t the main problem for once. She’s bad but mostly in small parts. Cat is the real problem. She’s usually kind of annoying but she’s only a bitch in some parts in other episodes.

Her, she’s worse than Sam. Yeah, Sam has done a lot of worse things but she was like from Day 1. Here, we have a normally innocent character stealing the property of someone who is in the hospital. If it was just a normal person, it would be bad enough but going the extra mile to put her in the hospital is just…wow.

This is pretty bad character derailment. Yes, Cat isn’t always the nicest but even in this show I don’t see her doing this. The worst she did before and after was maybe insult someone or just be oblivious to pain. This is just…wow.

The applause is what bring it over the edge. All of these problems are bad enough but that little moment makes this episode genuinely disgusting. It’s one thing for the writers to want us to find this funny, but the editors or whoever is in charge of this stuff seriously wanting us to cheer about they do this horrible thing.

Did they cheer when Sam played that cruel prank in #Twinfection? When all the crap happened to that guy in #WeStealARockstar? When they left that girl in a cemtantry in #MyPoober? Nope, they just laughed.

That’s what makes this one the worst, above all its other problem. But even taking that bit away makes this terrible just for Cat’s derailment and a lack of any decent plot. They find a shoe, and get it back. Riveting.

The stuff with Sam wanting the meatballs is just kind of thereto pad the plot, which makes me think the episode would be better if it was just all about Sam’s quest for meatballs, while Cat keeps getting distracted by other things. It might have been dumb but it would have been better than this!

It’s just an unfunny, cruel, and sometimes disturbing, mess. I have no ill will towards Nick, Dan or anyone involved despite how angry I was with this episode. But god good, what were they thinking?!

And to make it worse, the episodes that came before this were #Twinfection and #MyPoober. That’s three terrible episodes in a row. Then they went on a mid season break.

I’m kind of glad this show got canceled now.

Grade: D

Well that was fun. Next time on the Tv reviews it’s something…well tamers but somehow still angry inducing.

See ya.

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The Suite Life of Zack and Cody-Big Hair & Baseball

Hello, Spongey here.

So last time (way too long ago) on our TV Reviews, we saw my Female Obsession of the Moment give us the worst episode of her show. It wasn’t’ very pretty.

Thus, I decided we needed to calm down. So for this review, we’re going after a tame dud from a show I happen to tolerate. And it’s one I’ve talked about before.

Remember how I started on that Look at Disney Sitcoms project, before I got lazy? Yeah, in that I discussed The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. The post may suck but there, I did go in depth on the show and how I feel about it.

Thus, I don’t have a lot to set up here. But in case you forgot, Suite Life was a popular Disney Sitcom about Twins living in a hotel, as hilarity ensues. I said that of all the “Guilty Pleasure” Sitcoms, this is one is my favorite.

While it is stupid, it is close to being actually good, with all of the good episodes it has. It did have some of the issues the weaker Disney Sitcoms had, but overall it was alright. For every mean joke, you had a good one. Plus, Ashley Tisdale and all that.

But of course, since it was still about troublesome twins, it was going to have some episodes that go too far. And that’s where this episode comes in
Now why didn’t I talk about it in that post? …I forgot about it until later. But I remember it now, so let’s dig into this Season 1 episode to see where it went wrong.

This, is Big Hair & Baseball

Writer: Pamela Eells O’Connell

This person not only a notable writer on this show, but also helped developed Suite Life on Deck. After that she created her own show, known as Jessie.

…That’s interesting. This is her first episode, and it shows.

The episode starts in the Hotel Lobby, as a lot of people are stating here due to a big baseball game. The twins are harassing the Yankee fans that are there until one guy randomly gives them tickets to tomorrow’s game because…reasons.

“I love ya, you sticking Yankees!”

Eh, that’s dumb but kind of funny, I suppose. Yeah, this is another episode where the bad part comes in later.

After the theme song, the girls are gawking at some of the Baseball guys. Well, except Maddie.

“I am sick of cute guys. Who cares about looks?”

Says the most attractive female member of the core cast. Sorry, Brenda.

“If you care about that kind of junk, I know a guy named Gavin who would perfect for you’

I bet this will go well! And yes, this is our subplot. Yes, it is actually decent.

Carrie offers to give Maddie a makeover to get her ready for the date. Again, this will go well. Zack and Cody show up with Baseball tickets and with a Gilligan cut, she asks Mosby to take the boys.

“It would be an opportunity for you to bond with the boys”

“I shudder just thinking about it”

Okay, I will say this has some funny moments, more so than most of what I’ve done so far for this TV thing. But the problem…yeah we’ll get there, I promise.

Some guys overhear Mobsey and scold him for it, because they think the twins are his kids.

“But I hate baseball!”

“Now that’s just Un-American!!”

I’m not a big Baseball person, so I guess I’m not American guy either. Great logic.

All this scolding gets Mobsey to say yes. So Mobsey does this, not because he wants to, but because he was pretty scared into doing it. I’d complain but it is the least of this episodes problems, and at least you can argue he kind of deserved it with his attitude. Though this does become a bigger issue later.

After another Gilligan cut, the boys show how happy they are about Mosbey taking them to the game. …Not very. The boys don’t need as much coaxing though, so they agree to it.

We cut to the game as we get plenty of jokes about Mobsey being a fuddy duddy who knows nothing about baseball. This section isn’t too bad despite the jokes being a bit obvious.

There’s this guy in the seat above them who snarks on Mobsey’s comment, and he’s pretty funny. I mention him because he is important.
Back in the subplot, Maddie and London show up at Carrie’s place from some makeovers, and Maddie’s hair is messed up because much like izzy, she’s got the frizzie’s.

…Yeah I had to do it. There’s a quick and it’s back to the main plot. Mosbey tries to get into the swing of things, and that snarky guy starts to like him slightly more, knowing this is his first time. Of course they have to make a few jokes about Mosbey knowing nothing before we move on.

Then it’s back to the subplot where they try to fix Maddie’s hair and just end up in comedic hixinks. …And man plot again. The pacing is weird here. Anyway, Mosbey has officially gotten into it and is starting to bond with everyone.

“For a stick in the mud, you’re okay”

I must say, this is very nice to see. …Which makes what happens next even worse. Cody bemoans that he hasn’t lived his dream of catching a ball here, so Mosbey decides to help him out.

…But it turns out to be the kind of ball that makes them loose the game. ..Whoops.

“You are going to be the most hated man in Boston”

SNARKY GUY: To think I share popcorn with the likes of you.

Yeah, this is where the problem comes in. Mosbey gets tortured and mock for the horrible crime of…making a baseball team lose. Now, this normally wouldn’t be too bad but in this context…it’s a problem.

Keep in mind, this didn’t happen out of spite, or on accident. He did this as a gift for Cody. He was starting to bond over something he didn’t care about out and he went out of his for one of the kids.

So in other words, Mosbey is punished for trying to do the right thing. …Wow. That’s bad even for this show. And remember, he was pressed into doing this because of a misunderstanding, and having a different opinion. At the time it seemed fine but now it’s an issue.

They didn’t even need to make a big fix. Make it so he’s forced to do this for more legitimate reasons, and have this be more of an accident. But whatever, let’s see they handle the rest of this…after the subplot!

Maddie meets up with her date, and it turns out Gavin is a normal person. Which means we will never see him again. And of course they are at a restaurant where they must eat outside. Quick joke and we’re back.

Mosbey arrives back at the hotel and sees how much everyone hates him. His Mom even left him a nasty text. …Ouch.

“If anyone asks, we don’t know you”

Wow, screw you, kids. This is what he gets for trying to help you?! Back in the subplot, Maddie has Carrie come over to help her calm down her hair. Naturally this leads to some wacky stuff that’s mildly amusing.

We see more of how much everyone hates Mosbey as some people refuse to stay at the hotel because he works at it. Now that’s just dumb.

“Blame me if you must, but please don’t punish this magnificent hotel. I’d rather die”

“…Works for us”

….No comment.

Cody starts to feel guilty for making a big deal about the ball, since that’s what got them in this mess. Yeah this is kind of your fault but not really.

Back in the B plot, we find out Gavin has his own issues as he sweats a lot. London shows up to help and there’s a gag where she is offered a table inside which begs the question: She doesn’t she just use her “Daddy owns the hotel” powers to get them a table inside?

Anyway, she reluctantly helps Gavin with his problem. After only one session with him, she takes him to Maddie so they can reveal each other’s problem. They do and then they realize it’s no big deal and start to hit off better.

They thank London for setting up the date and that’s the end of the subplot. Not the best but it was amusing and had a nice ending. But now we gotta put with the crappy ending to the main plot.

Mosbey tries to hide but fails and only gets mocked some more. Cody is as sick of this as I am and finally stands up for him. He explains why he did what he did

“It might not have been the smartest move, but he did it for me”

Oh hey we’re gonna get a nice ending. They all realize this was a misunderstanding and it’s really no big deal.

“He might be the most hated man in Boston, but to me he’s a hero”

D’aww. Looks we have a happy ending after a-

“Not if you lost your paycheck betting on the sox!”

“You got that right, and it knocked us out of first place”

“Get him!”

…Then they chase him again. The end minus a quick gag with Maddie and Gavin that’s actually funny. …Goddamnit. We’ve seen this kind of thing before where they ruin a nice moment but this takes it to a new level.

They go out of their way to point why Mosbey’s punishment is unfair…but still end it with torture. Of course everything is back to normal in the next episode but still. Plus, the person who started that is Muriel, who I might remind you, works at the hotel. She’s lucky she kept her job for the rest of the time she was in the show.

It’s really dumb to ruin a genuine moment for a cheap gag. It makes the whole episode pointless. I get that torture can be funny but when you sacrifice something of substance for it, it doesn’t work.

Whatever, we’re done here.

Final Thoughts:

To be honest, this one is pretty tame compared the other stuff we’re covering. But it’s still not good. For what it’s worth, they don’t focus on the bad part too much, the subplot is okay and there are some amusing moments in the first half.

But in the end it doesn’t work due to some big problems. It builds some neat development, but then ruins it by punishing someone for trying to do something good. Then it ruins a nice ending with a cheap gag.

It goes without saying that the torture is not funny, and the whole thing as just poorly done. It’s mediocre, which means it’s better than Review It Up, at least. It simply a poorly planned out story with some very insulting moments.

But if the worst episode, than this show wasn’t too terrible. Unless there’s a worse one I haven’t seen in a while. It’s weak but I’ve seen worse. I just needed a break from horrible-ness.

You know, there’s an episode of Kenan and Ken called “Foul Bull”, that shock of all shockers, did this kind of thing better. In that episode, they get hated for accidentally injuring a major basketball star.

The difference? It was DIRECTLY their fault and they inured him. Thus the torture makes more sense and they almost deserved it. But to be fair, that show deals in mean spirited humor like that so it fits a lot better. But it’s still way funnier, even if it’s flawed.

Hell, they even did the ending better. It is a “Here we go again” thing but they don’t linger on it, so it manages to be amusing. So yeah, watch that episode and avoid this one.

Grade: C

Next time on the TV reviews, we cover the worst thing I’ll review in this TV Marathon. #hurray .

See ya

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