Hello, Spongey here.
I’m going to rip this bandage off quickly: After June 29, 2016, I will no longer be doing weekly play by play film reviews.
Before you type anything, please read this: I will not be stopping them all together. I am also not quitting the blog at all. In general the blog will be the exact same, except that the weekly play by play reviews will stop.
I know I had a big announcement last year, where I went into my reasoning for just doing it weekly, and since then the problems have gotten a bit deeper, which lead to this decision. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m moving to monthly.
No, I’m now changing the Schedule to…whenever I feel like it. Why am I making this decision? Well, it wasn’t easy. Hell, I had no idea exactly when I would stop. I considered the end of 2016, until I eventually settled on halfway through the year.
My review output was fine this year, but you recall it being fairly bad in 2014, before I moved to doing it weekly. This is mostly due to being either busy or being caught up in doing other things.
In 2015, it got worse. Since at least 2014, I had gotten a bigger interest in Tv, and this year showed that with tons of TV Reviews and list. So much so it would be easier to do a list of best worst stuff on that front.
At the moment I’m getting back into film way more, but I still felt like stopping the weekly reviews. Why is that? Well, I notice I’m starting to just lose my mojo. I noticed I’m starting to get more analytical, compared to my humor focused earlier reviews.
I’m not sure how this happened, but it did happen rather slowly. What did not help was the insane amount of meh films I did, leaving me with little to discuss. Seriously, I didn’t do a lot of films that were horrible, or amazing.
Infact, I don’t think any films got a B+ or higher. On the flip side, nothing got a D+, or would be on top 11 worst films I did. I did some bad ones like Blended and the Legend of Hercules, but nothing too horrible.
The worst film I did was Saving Christmas, but even that one was just stupid instead of insulting or horrible. Most of the stuff I did was was just….there, even the good ones. I’m just running of interesting films I could do play by play reviews of.
I way too many weak choices for this to just be a coincidence. In general my growth as a critic isn’t matching the stuff I am mostly doing. I seem to be getting more interested in real analysis, especially when it comes to film.
And my reviews were starting to get dull. But I didn’t wan to stop for good, in case we go through another Nostalgia Critic situation where I go outwith a bang only to just come crawling back after a 40 minute video of me mulling it over.
But I will also didn’t want to just keep doing something I don’t really want to do. So instead, I will do play by play reviews…when I get inspired. For the most part I will just focus on other stuff, and general reviews, and the play by play stuff will just come as a surprise.
And for Holiday, of course.
This will really help the quality of reviews. You may notice this year I did tons of tie ins, that I did just because I felt like I had to. Fantastic Four 2 is the biggest offender of this. Meanwhile the best reviews were done out of some passion and me wanting to do it like Max Keeble.
I’m already running of good ideas, and that combined with everything else lead to my decision. It’s more complicated than that, but that’s the basic gist of it.
Yes, my interest in other things is likely a phase, but I think this is a good choice that will help in the long run. Besides, I want to get serious about my future, and in case I do want to turn this into something bigger, I want to focus on real reviews and analysis, you know?
Now as I said, the blog will mostly be the same, just expect way more general reviews, and big projects. Although the projects and unique lists (as in, lists that aren’t just the ones based on earlier like my Season 5 MLP list coming up) will come after June, when reviews have stopped.
I will actually try to do one general review on a new film each month, as I now have the money to see more films. Don’t worry, I won’t go humor-less on you. You know me, I’m always a dumbass.
So there you go. I just feel this is the best option for me, and will really help me in the long run. What will my final weekly review be? Oh, you’ll see, although you can likely guess as it is something I have said I will review.
Oh, and TV and Book Reviews are still going. No reason to stop those, really. I decided to stop in june to give me time to do films I have always wanted to do, as well some requests by you guys.
So if there are films you’ve always wanted me to do, leave the request and I promise I’ll see what I can do about it.
With all that said, it’s time my usual end of year post. For 2013 I counted my favorite posts, and for 2014 I did the best and worst films I did that year. I don’t feel quite egoistic enough to do fave posts again and I just could do the latter because I haven’t done anything films on either end to do such a list.
I already said Saving Christmas is the worst anyway. In the end, I went for my only optio: A straight forward retrospective on my reviews.
I will go through each play by play review I did this year, and look back on it. Like that Review Lookback thing I did, just with a ton of them in one post. I will be going deepr into how I feel about the film, and how I feel about the review looking back.
It will be fun to see how my feelings have changed. Consider this a combo of Review Look Back and Doug and Rob’s real Thoughts series. This will be very interesting, and yes I will do this for the other reviews.
But before I begin, I do want to give you some kind of list of best things I looked it….so let’s look at the Top 11 TV Episodes I Talked about in 2015, because I talked about so many good ones.
This in no order, and I’m allowing stuff I first talked about year, so sadly no Nerds of a Feather, so let’s go.
The Curse of Princess Ivvy [Sofia the First]: Yes, show of all shows got a lot on here. This special does everything right being incredibly enjoyable with great songs, and a status qou ending done right. That is what brings it up to being a favorite, above all else.
Cedric’s Apprentice [Sofia the First]: But even that can’t beat this one in my heart. This was the first episode to show the show’s true talents, due to how it write it’s villain. It’s incredibly sweet and rather interesting with how it explores the characters, and the song is excellent.
Magical Mystery Cure [My Little Pony Friendship is Magic] This really used the musical format well, and it seriously brought the feels in a very complex way I have never seen before. I will further defend the musical format at some other point (hint hint) but for now I’ll just say it works in this case, and it’s just beautiful from beginning to end. All hail Princess Twilight.
Sisterhooves Social [My Little Pony Friendship is Magic] Of the three that topped the season lists, this is actually my favorite. I just loved how they wrote the sibling realtionshop here, making sure no one is really right or wrong, while still making sure one person does have to learn the big lesson. It’s even a bit funny on top of being very emotional. It’s just excellent.
Phineas and Ferb Star Wars: An excellent Star Wars parody/homage, doing something very unique that allows them to tell their own story that is quite solid, even if one element oddly ended up in Force Awakens (No spoilers, don’t worry). The feel is just perfect, and it’s also hilarious. I think this franchse is in great hands at Disney.
Night of the Living Pharmacists [Phineas and Ferb]: Another great homage that manages to tell it’s own story, that’s pretty damn intense. I did say this is objectively the best Season 4 Episode, and there is a good reason I said that. It’s pretty awesome.
Last Day of Summer [Phineas and Ferb]: Yeah, I still love it. As a finale it might be mixed, but it still fits with the plot being very enjoyable, and the ending is perfect. That whole song is an amazing tear jerker, and just the perfect send off for this show. Once I again, I bid there farwell.
Grandpa’s Glasses [Haunting Hour]: This one really shows off the shows excellent mix of heart and scares, being intense and quite complex at some parts. It just combines everything so well and it’s so just great all the way through. Episodes like this make me miss the show, but hey, at least it’s final episode was also very good.
Alligators and Handbags [Littlest Pet Shop]: It’s always a nice surprise when a show takes an often mishandled plot type and makes it work, but it’s even rarer for it to do so twice in the same episode, and LPS of all shows managed to do it. The B plot does the bullying plot right by going through all the options and saying sometimes flat out standing up to the bully and showing you mean business is better than getting an adult or just using brute force.
The A plot does the critic plot right by having the persona actually learn why they got bashed and learn from it. It also spins it into a great moral on it’s own, showing some very good writing for this show. This will teach kids that sometimes when you get criticism, it is your own fault and you must figure out the problem, and sometimes a critic will have a good reason for being harsh. And that’s way better what whatever Review It Up says.
The Tape [Gumball]: As great as The Shell is, I can’t fault an episode that makes me laugh this hard. Yeah it was easy to be funny with the format, but it’s still hilarious from start to finish. This show can bring the feels but it’s biggest strength is bringing the laughs.
Joking Victim [Steven Universe]: I still stand by this choice. This episode really does a good jbo at showing the human side of this show, being decently realistic and just capturing certain moments. I think this just hit harder because of the characters being….well human and thus more releatable to me personally. Either, still a great episode from a pretty great show.
And finally…
Trucker Hall of Fame [Regular Show]: I felt pretty confident about my explanation of this one compared to others on this list, and that’s just because I love it that much. It shows that just focusing on certain characters can make a story work, and it’s damn emotional and perfectly done. It seems I very much like stories about characters who seem like jerks but are a lot more complex than that.
I’m sure that doesn’t say anything about me at all.
And those are the TV Episode I greatly enjoyed talked about. Sorry for the sudden list, but I didn’t want to do a full version, so there you go.
With all of that of the way, let’s look back at my 2015 reviews, and let’s see how my output was, and why it lead to my decision.
This, is the 2015 Review Retrospective!
Taken 2
Right away, I started with a tie in review that was done as a follow up to another tie in review. A sign of things to come. Anyway, this review was decent. I did want to do this one since it’s a sequel to a film I had fun reviewing, and it turns out fine.
It didn’t get me a ton of baffling materiel compared to other movies, but it gave me enough. Weak Action movies are both easy and hard to tackle for me. Yes, they tend to have tons of dumb things and plot holes to mock, but if they aren’t that bad, I have little to say for quite a while and it’s boring for me.
Thankfully, this had just enough dumb parts to make it fun. Through this, I am realizing how much better my reviews are when I read than when I write them. Honestly, even after I write a section, I don’t go over and seriously read them again except to quickly check spelling mistakes.
…So yeah, I don’t read it again.
The movie itself is still just mediocre. It has all the flaws of the first film, but without the charm. Liam Neeson just wasn’t quite as badass this time around, since the other flaws weigh him down more so than last time.
As I said, anything it does right is negated by the fact that the first movie did it much better. Not to mention it doesn’t excel in any area. Liam is fine but he’s been better. Some of the action is decent, but I’ve seen better. It’s just so standard, which I can forgive since it shows how pointless this sequel is.
It’s bearable but not worth sitting through. I think I did a good job reviewing this one, it’s a nice balance of pointing out plot holes and actual reviewing. Don’t have too many regrets with this one, I think it’s good
Oh, and yes, Taken 3 is coming.
Zapped
Ah yes, our first Disney Channel offering of the year. I feel like my reviews of recent DCOM’s were needed, because I did have enough to say, and I had to do Bad Hair Day due to it being 100. In this case, I wanted to speak about the subject matter of the film most of all.
I’m still a bit mixed on that. Yeah, it’s stereotypical and a bit sexist, but not the worst case I’ve seen. Maybe I’ve spent too much time on Tumblr but it didn’t bug me as much as it should. Mostly since it’s done for dumb comedy more than anything else, and the main character does at least learn a lesson.
But seriously, the Zendya/Bella Thorne thing is insane. But to be fair, Bella can be argued for being better. She’s been in quite a few theatrical films such as Alexander and the horribly long title, and even smaller things like The Duff. Zendya, not so much.
I didn’t wait for Netflix to do this one for 2 reasons. I didn’t think of waiting til then at the time…and How to Build a Better Boy was already on, so I figured I may as well do it onw. I think the reason they took their time, is that the OTHER Zapped was on there, so they had to sort things out first. If that’s it, I get it.
…But there’s no excuse for putting Invisible sister on there, before Descendents. There’s no other film currently on Netlix with that title, so I don’t even get. I wouldn’t be able to get to it until January, but come on.
(And now it won’t go up there in January. Ugh!)
The weirdest thing is that Invisible Sister is a sort of Halloween movie, and it’s coming out on Neflix in December. Very odd.
Anyway, this review turned out okay. I have so much fun doing DCOM’s because I can mock them and I have passion for them, so this one is no exception. This wasn’t my favorite DCOM review though, since the film has a few dull stretches and if you take away the gimmick, it isn’t all THAT special.
But as usual, I had fun mocking the cliches and dumb moments. See, in hindsight I shouldn’t have forced myself to do every new DCOM just cuz it was new. I should only do movies I want to do and have something to talk about it.
With that, I barely had an excuse since I did want to discuss it’s sexism, but it’s clear I didn’t care about the rest of the movie. But still it has enough good bits to justify me doing it.
The film itself is just typical if you take away the sexism thing. People took that part way too seriously, although at least they had a reason. It’s still a guilty pleasure, but it mostly just has patches of notable “Fun” moments.
I don’t have any suggestions to fix it, it just happens to not my favorite guilty pleasure DCOM. If they dropped the “sweet” bit and turned up the comedy, it would have been likely more “offensive” but it would have been more memorable.
Although I do think this has one of the best Non-Sharpay Alpha Bitches. She’s the sole reason to watch this, if you ask me.
Overall, this review reflects the film decently well. It does show how good I am doing this kind of movies, because I feel like I get DCOM’s and can critique them fairly while still having passion for them. I’m no master when it comes to reviewing, but I do think I handle myself when it comes to stuff I care about.
So yeah, just another DCOM review, really.
Secret of the Wings
Oh boy, Tinker Bell. As an extension to the Tie ins, we have one of those franchise I like to think I am “known” for doing. Although this one didn’t do quite as well since I went through it quickly….and the movies were not too bad.
I still can’t believe they put some kind of effort into these movies. I’ll go more in the first 3 when I cover those reviews, so let’s talk about this one. This was the first one I actually kind of liked, leading to our first truly positive review of the year.
However, while the film is good, it’s nothing all that amazing, which leads to just a typical review. You will notice that sometimes a slightly review will happen because I didn’t quite feel strong about a film either way.
In this case, I like the movie but don’t love it. I just happen to find it kind of interesting. So there’s not quite as many flaws to mock, and while I can mock good movies, they need a bit more interesting to get good reviews.
However, I still did fine with them because there were some dumb things early on to mock. Of course it’s interesting to see me explain why it works, and it was fun to discover it’s good qualities as it went along.
Plus, I still had plenty of things to bitch about it, like forced plot points, cliché moments, and the abrupt ending. Seriously, I’m sick of bitching about abrupt endings at this point. As for the movie itself, I think the reason it works is the heart, and stakes.
While the other films up to this point had their moments, this is the first one where I really felt like something was at stake her, with that whole freezing thing going, as well as the main relationship.
I also felt the heart a lot more, as it feels like they tried more to make this a good story, despite how cliché it is. This is a movie where all the effort put into makes it good despite the obvious flaws.
The story gives us nothing new, but it’s still kind of charming. The animation and tone helps with this a lot, as well as the other minor things. I can see why the cliché stuff could bug someone but I couldn’t help but enjoy it.
Again, it’s still no master piece, because it does nothing new, but it’s still enjoyable. I think the review was about as it good as it gonna be given the film itself. …I’m starting to think I’m too hard on myself.
Anyway, this was an okay review for an above average film.
Blended
Yay, the first really negative review of the year….one of the few, actually. The reviews I end up enjoying tend to be ones where I more…passionate, and this is a good example. I knew this movie might be bad, and while it technically was just typical bad, I disliked even more than I thought I would.
Say what you will about Pixels, or even Grown Ups 2, but they at least had a unique identity. Yes, having no plot counts as an identity. This is nothing but every Sandler trope we’ve seen before. At least Pixels had a decent premise, and Grown Ups 2 had a notable cast.
This film is pretty much nothing. I shouldn’t even be mad, but I somehow am. It doesn’t even bother to fail in a unique way. The closest is just how weak the actual story is. Even Jack and Jail had a better structured plot.
It takes at least an hour for anything of substance to happen, and most of the time is spent on gags that are not funny. …Okay, back on topic, the review itself is good. But to be fair, it doesn’t take much to review this movie.
Every bad part is obliviously bad and what I say is what everyone else would say. But I was still pretty passionate, and I had fun mocking the usual crap. Even if getting through was not fun at all.
Seriously, I spared most of the boring unfunny filler. Usual when I find myself with nothing to say, it’s my fault. But here, it’s because there’s nothing to talk about it! There’s only so many times I can something is not funny.
Thankfully, I had enough to talk about. Really, I’m more interested in talking about the movie more, because the review really speaks for itself. I see why people just brushed it off as another bad movie, but it just bugged me so much.
This film might be Sandler’s laziest film, as there is barely an attempt to tell a unique story. Anything unique is in a bad way, like all the jokes with the daughters. Seriously, what did Bella Thorne did do to deserve this?
Trust me, I hated Jack and Jill, Grown Ups, Going Overboard and Just Go With It more but this one is even less excusable. People say the Pixels hate was due to them being sick of his crap, but that should apply to this stuff.
Again, that one TRIED. This did not. Okay, like any piece of art, they tried….but clearly not enough. It won’t go on my worst list or anything, but it’s still a bad movie. Overall, I had fun with this one and I think it did a good job of pointing out all the flaws and just why this movie is so bad.
It might be a typical review, but it was still passionate and fun to do.
And now it is time for DCOM Month 2! Starting with..
Zenon
I suppose I can talk about DCOM Month 2 as a whole. Honestly, it as a bit weak, mostly due to my selections. I should have gone with ones I was more likely to be passionate. I had only 4 options and I did choose too well.
Plus, none of the movies not me too passionate either way, unlike the first DCOM Month. But hey, I work with what I got. This first entry was easily the best, as the film gave me quite a bit to work with, even if parts of it were too dull.
As for the film itself, yeah it’s remembered more for the legacy rather than it’s actual quailty. All my enjoyment comes from how late 90’s it is more than anything. I’m sure it was silly at the time, but it likely was just kind of dull at the time.
The script is fairly average and doesn’t do anything too crazy. It’s some of the cliches and the slang that make it memorable, as well as the presentation. Early DCOM’s are weird for me. Typically they were way better than the current ones, for various reasons….but they tend to more boring.
Even stuff like Zapped, Camp Rock, Let It Shine, Invisible Sister, etc give me something to go into on some level. Something dumb, fun, or just kind of odd or interesting. True, most of the older ones I’ve seen are like this, but just give me less to mock.
The next one is a big example of this, but Zenon adds to it as well. I just know it would be hated me if it came out now because it’s just a dull story with bad slang. Kind of shows the double standard.
Infact, let’s play a game. Man, DCOM’s are so much worse now. This film has a main character who isn’t fully likable, yet not fully hatable because they don’t goall the way with the developed. They don’t have that now!
They just pander to what they think kids are like and have popular stars like Raven. They never had that in the past!
See what I mean? Although to be fair, the way they are made has changed a lot, but the
But this movie is still not bad or anything. Nothing is too wrong here, just not that interesting. It’s mostly just enjoyable for the dumb stuff than anything in the actual script. There are some actually decent things here, but it still doesn’t anything special.
I think most people are aware of that, since I don’t see anyone calling it a real classic. Most people there are better early DCOM’s, even from the same director. I think the success of this one lead to more slighty pandering ones like this and that’s why we got to where we are now.
This was before Cheetah Girls, but all the signs are there. Hmm..
As for the review, yeah it’s about what you would expect. It’s another one where I do a good job mocking the film, since it has plenty to make fun of with the cliches, plot holes, and of course, the slang.
This movie is just easy to mock, which all the dumb stuff going on in it, along with the sort of weak story. A typical good DCOM review from me, but the whole future thing gives it a nice angle.
I got to do some jokes I’ve always wanted to do, the biggest example being the Squidward soul “clip”. You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to get a chance to use that.
Also, I don’t think any film will win the worst abrupt ending award because too damn many would be in that competition, and they would just all kill each other.
Overall, this review is what it is. A typical one, but a decent one. The movie is also what it is. Dumb fun, but still rather dumb. It did give us that amazing prediction about Clinton at least. I really hope we set a day in 2049 for Zenon day or something.
Johnny Tsunami (200th review!)
Ugh. Oh no, I’m not saying that due the film. It’s due to my choice to cover it. I bitched about how they picked Bad Hair Day as their 100th DCOM despite how typical it is. …Then I pulled the same crap.
My explanation is in the review. I could find the 50th DCOM, Pixel Perfect. I tried, but failed. Of course I managed to find it much later because I have horrible luck. So in desperation, I went for the 10th DCOM….when I should have went for the first one.
…Whoops. The result is the most underwhelming milestone ever. The review is fine for a milestone, it’s nothing compared to that Spongebob movie review. Hell, my review of Sponge out of Water fit more.
I feel really stupid for picking this one. My 100th review was huge and special in some way. I know I could never top that but I could have done better than this!
Whatever, I don’t have much to add about the film. Honestly, I barely remember much about it outside of basic stuff. I remember more about Zenon, for better or worse. There’s nothing wrong with this movie, it just doesn’t stick out as much as some others.
I was kind of sick of the story where someone moves to some place weird and new, and they just use it as a cliché instead of going deeper into it. I made a lot of jokes about how this does a lot of stuff Zenon does, but it is amazing how similar they are early on.
And I still swear I had no idea Zenon herself was in this.
On a critical level, it’s another mixed bag. It has too many cliches and dumb moments, but it has some nice moments with the characters, and other minor things. It’s flaws stem from just the way it was made more than any actual lack of effort.
It tries way harder than Zenon with it’s story, I just happen to not care about the set up. I may not remember it as well as others, but it tries way harder than some other films out there. Although I do wonder why it got a sequel, and why it’s title is so confusing.
The movie is just typical but a bit more interesting now that I read the review again. Nothing special, but there is something there.
The review reflects this. Sometimes it’s dull due to the film giving me nothing, but sometimes I have plenty of fun with it. As usual I mock the cliches but I also talk seriously when a sort of interesting bit pops up.
It’s an interesting balance, leading to an okay review. I think DCOM’s just always give me something to say, so the reviews usually have something to them. This one isn’t the best, but it is interesting for different reasons.
Overall, just another decent DCOM review. …But seriously, this was my big 200th review?! I almost wish I would keep doing these often just to get to 300 to make up for it!
I would do a famous film with a number in it…yep, The Number 23! …Wait..
Tiger Cruise
You know, people would joke about a 9/11 DCOM. But it’s a thing that exists.
Yeah, let’s rip that off right now. Once I found that out, I knew I HAD to do this one. See, this one of those ones I didn’t know about it until I looked up DCOM’s after my first DCOM month. Specifically, I heard of It over on TV Tropes, which called it the most dramatic DCOM and…well the scale supports that.
I just wanted to see how it played out, and I wanted to share this weird thing with you. In the end, it was about what I expected: A pretty dang dramatic and good film, that just isn’t my thing.
That’s all there is to it. It’s pretty solid with some nice drama that uses the 9/11 backdrop well, despite it sounding like a bad idea.
It’s just not the kind of thing I’m into. I can enjoy realistic DCOM’s (Quints being a good example) but I just perfer the ones that are a bit more out there, instead of playing off real life events.
Here it’s just a backdrop but they clearly try to be very dramatic with it, and that’s just my kind of thing. We all have our personal perfences, you know? Plus, it has a few cliches and story elements that I’m not a huge fan of.
It’s very well done but not my favorite. My thoughts in a nutshell. There isn’t much to say about the review. I did a good job talking about the 9/11 thing but the movie didn’t have ton of dumb stuff so I don’t have as many jokes here.
I did have good jokes in the 2nd half, about me wondering if i’m saying something insensitive or whatnot. This movie didn’t have a ton to comment on but I still my best, so it’s an okay review. Given the nature of the movie, I did pretty well with it.
I think this movie is well worth watching just for the fact that they did pull this off fairlly well. It’s not perfect, but it’s actually respectful. That’s pretty shocking and while I may not love it, it gets lot of respect for that.
Oddly enough, this isn’t really my heaviest review…
The Cheetah Girls
“I feel so racist when I don’t know anyone’s name.”-Spongey444 2015
I waited long enough to watch this one, let alone review it. It was the perfect way to end DCOM Month 2. And yeah, it was what I expected, in hindsight. Honestly, I don’t remember much about this one compared to other big DCOM’s.
I just remember what happened and stuff like that, rather than of my complex feelings. Meaning, when I think about it I’m just like “whatever” instead of thinking about all of the problems or whatever. That doesn’t mean it’s bad or average as far as DCOM’s go, it’s that…well…like Camp Rock, where it’s not quite as fun with it’s problems as others. Although this is better than that one.
….And oddly enough, Paul Hoen did do a sequel for both. Weird.
It’s about the same level as fun to mock as most, but this has a few more real writing problems when it comes to the story beats and structure. As I said in the review, the biggest moments written wrong.
When they are striing a deal with the sleezy guy, there is one person saying no and that person is called out on it, but up to that point everyone else was nice and that one person was a bitch. This was done JUST to put the others in the right for wanting the deal.
That is just bad writing I am not a fan of. But I should expect as much from this kind of movie to begin with. I feel HSM is the only one to be over the top enough to make me forgive any real issues, Troy’s stuff in HSM 2 aside.
Like I said in the review, I had fun mocking it but not on a huge level. On a rather average level. It’s more memorable then some others, so I see why it spawned this big franchise. It lead to the DCOM as we know it today, I gotta respect it to an extent.
I said “I think it’s because this movie is sort of trapped between the classic era and the modern era. It’s the small and personal feeling of a Pre 2003 DCOM while also having the tween-y feeling of a modern DCOM. Thus, it doesn’t quite go all the well and isn’t as fun.”. I got it spot on…minus the typo with well instead of way.
Some things never change.
There’s nothing horribly wrong here that can piss me off, so I can let it off more easily than something like Johnny Tsunami, even if it’s better. The review pretty much reflects this. Plenty of stuff to mock, even with the dull patches.
It’s another solid review since I had more than enough materiel to work with, at least with the story problems. It’s a nice mix of story mocking and nitpick mocking. Not my greatest DCOM work but I didn’t have the best thing work with anyway.
This was a nice way to end DCOM month 2, for the subject alone. And yeah, it looks like DCOM Month 3 may not happen, at least not during my remaining weekly reviews. I do wanna do the sequels to this, although who knows if can fit them in, as well as Zenon 3.
Only time will tell. Anyway, like I said, not as good as DCOM Month 1, but still a fun mix of reviews.
The Pirate Fairy
Not a whole to say about this one that I didn’t say about the other Tink reviews, and will say about the next one. This entry was middling. Less notable stuff than some others, but more enjoyable in some spots.
The story is once again typical and kind of a bit too much like the other movies, it’s naturally quite predictable and The talent switching subplot is only slighty more useful than the body swap plot in Shrek 3.
But it has a bit more entertainment value to some a few plot elements, some humor, the animation, Hook, and that song.
I am not ashamed to say that I have listened to that song a few times on my own.
Some of the pirate action is cool, and Hook is pretty enjoyable in this, mostly due to Tom Hiddelston. The presentation and world make this one, even morso than the other average films. It’s cool to find out about pixie dust, and the animation is once again really nice.
The increased entertainment makes this one tolerable, while the writing is nothing all that special. It doesn’t try as had as some of the others, but it makes up for it more. Once again, a mixed bag but still surprisingly tolerable and harmless.
I certainly don’t think it’s as solid as Secret of the wings. Not sure why I said it’s almost as good.
The review is fine. I had more jokes than in Secret of the Wings, mostly because of more dumb stuff to mock. How did at least 2 of these films remind me of MLP episodes?
Once again, a few dull patches but also some decent jabs and insight. Not much more to it than that. I think the entrainment value made this one more fun to do, hence why it ended up working.
Not much else to say, really. I’ll say more about Tink once we get to Neverbeast.
Friday the 13th (1980)
Ah yes, our first Friday the 13th review of the year. I like looking at famous films, cuz it’s fun to see if they hold up under a critical lens. First up, I say “This will be the only time I review something the Cinema Snob reviewed”.
I forgot he was doing all of them and I would naturally do some of those. ….And that he would break his dang rules to do Saving Christmas.
I still think the movie is good, but not my favorite. Like I said, not a lot happens in this movie in between kills and the characters are nothing special. A lot of the great horror classics tend to have more memorable main characters and stuff like that.
With that said, it has a great villain and some good suspense. It does try as a horror movie and Pamela really stands out as a memorable villain. Not to mention that ending. …The ending with Jason not the dream. I heard a lot about this movie, but no one brings up gthe lame ending that makes this franchise weirdly pointless.
Although, maybe Part 2 explains it, I don’t know.
I feel weird for not seeing it as great due to how much of a classic it is, but that’s how I feel. Maybe it was better when it was new, I don’t know. I do think it’d a solid horror film for what it is, it’s just not objectively all that hot.
The review is good because I just always have fun with these movies. They always have so many dumb moments to mock, and I just can’t bring myself to crtically bash these because they always give some fun to be had.
It being a classic gave me a cool angle, and there are plenty of nice moments despite the dull patches. Here, the dull patches are part of the problem so I was able to mock them. I think in terms of fun, these kind of reviews tend to be the most fun.
So as a result, this review was one of the better ones of the year so far. Friday the 13th tends to be lucky for my reviews.
Anyway, I respect this movie a lot for what it set up and did for the horror genre, even if it kind of lead to a lot of the bad ones from the 80’s as well as the good ones. Sure, I can nitpick all I want, but it’s legacy cannot be ignored.
I’m glad I was able to share my first look at it on here, and I have plenty of fun reviewing it. That’s just all there is to it.
Divergent
In hindsight, I am mixed on if I should have done this one or not. I did want to pitch in my opinion and I ended up having a lot to say about it’s most infamous elements. But at the same time, it was a bitch to work on due to how I work, and it was another one with dull patches.
So overall, I’m not quite sure, but I’m glad I got to talk about. Although this is exactly why I won’t review the sequel.
This is another one of those average movies, in an interesting way. Each elements has some pros and cons, working to make this as “Meh” as possible. Some of the acting is strong, but some of it is weak or bad. Some of the writing is kind of interesting with some okay themes, but a lot of it bland, nonsensical, and underdeveloped many aspects.
It seems like they tried as hard as they could, but they just lost along the way. I could forgive the Hunger games rip off element if they went a bit deeper but they mostly don’t. Not to mention yet another stupid cliffhanger in place of a real ending.
It feels a bit undercooked in important areas and tries a bit too hard to be like Hunger Games. Besides the set up being the same, it also has those useless dark scenes. I don’t mind it being dark, but it needs a larger purpose in the story. Instead, the deaths and suicides just kind of happen. Although in hindsight, it kind of makes sense she might brush off the Mom death given the situation she was on.
This movie is meh all around, but fairly bearable at least. It’s not bad, just weak in too many areas. As for the review, it’s fine. Despite the dull patches, I had some decent things to mock with the story choices, and of course the useless deaths.
I think the middle of my reviews tend to be the weakest, since the dull patches typical hit there. Here I have a strong opening but only get better near the end with the death, and ending.
With this movie, it’s the kind of review I expected. I got more out of it than some others, so there is that. I had enough to say, but maybe a general review would have done better, cuz I dd not like doing this one, even if the movie wasn’t bad.
For this post, I decided to watch the sequel…and well it’s kind of better. I mean, it was only better by default. Since you got the faulty set up of this world and certain events out of the way, they pretty much had to get better by focusing on the interesting fall out.
It’s better by default, rather than them actually trying to fix the problems. With that said, the strengths of the first film still remain, with some good acting, and intense scenes. The direction is still strong, which is nice coming from the guy behind RIPD.
The sequel is still pretty dull though, and it’s clear that this is just the middle chapter, as the really important stuff only happens at the end. At least the deaths weren’t overly dark this time, and somewhat helped the story.
This series isn’t the worst, but it just doesn’t offer anything new compared to other stories like it. And it’s still getting a third chapter….split into two fucking movies, of course. Because that worked for Harry Potter, right?
Guys, that only worked cuz Harry Potter 7 was like 1000000 years long and just needed two movies to sort things out, especially when it comes to the pacing. Every other time they did it, it was pointless.
Then again I’ve never read the book, so maybe it’s the same case. Sorry, had to rant. I don’t plan to review the sequel fully cuz…i just said everything I have to say. I will watch the next half movie just out of….obligation, I guess.
When it comes to YA movies, I only have Mortal Instruments on my plate, since it’s the only one that hasn’t been touched too much and I want to talk about it.
But yeah, that’s all I got. Meh movie, fine review.
The Legend of Hercules
Oh boy, here we go. This was a fun one. This movie is pretty bad, but far from the most painful. One of the worst I did this year? Easily, but I did so many average movies it’s not hard to be the worst.
The production is shoody, the acting is mostly stale, and like I said, there are no trasnations. Things just happen for no reason as they cut out the interesting parts. A simple cut to the next scene should not lead to gaping plot holes.
Really, I can’t more than what I siad in the review. Since then I just keep thinking back to how bad the main character is. I’m not asking for anything, just give me something to look up to. A reason to see him as this big epic hero he is built up to be.
Instead, we don’t see him grow up or develop before being thrust into this. He faces no real challenges, and is just an invincible hero with no personality. He’s so boring he becomes really. Unlikable.
He goes through the whole movie getting crazy powers and taking down bad guys easily with a bland expression on his face. He makes no emotional connections with any character, and his actor makes him a charasmia vacuum.
Then again with direction and editing this poor, any character would fail to bring this terribly written character to life.
The film isn’t the most painful, as it is has some cool parts, or just dull patches, but it’s stll bad, even by Direct to Video standards. I get the feeling many scenes were cut, such as parts actually showing the bits they seem to skip.
Which could explain why they though this script was good enough to put on the big screen. They thought they wouldn’t cut out the important scenes!
The review is pretty good. A few dull patches where I say nothing but the good parts make up for it. Bad movies like this always make for good reviews, and this is a solid one. I mostly make points about the editing, action, and characters but those are so bad, I had to comment on them a lot.
Not my best bad movie review, but a good one. Not too much else to say except…I still haven’t seen the one with The Rock. I gotta get on that.
Walking with Dinosaurs
Oh boy, my big April Fools post for this year. I will explain how I got this idea and my real thoughts on the film…but since he was my special guest, I will let him have the floor!
He left a comment explaining to my viewers what the joke was, and in hindsight, I should put something like that there. He is Tyrannotitan, a friend of mine from a couple sites. Speak, my friend!
So basically, since everywhere I go that isn’t in a palaeontology based community I am the “dinosaur guy,” Spongey decided to get me to review Walking with Dinosaurs 3D. I had actually seen the film before despite my cynical attitude to dinosaur themed media, mainly to see how bad it was, so watching the movie again wasn’t too much of an issue besides its general badness.
Of course, the reason I was to review it and not him was because he wanted to do an April Fools special similar to what he did with Ryan W. Mead and the Oogieloves review.
Of course I said yes and thus decided to go ahead and write it… even if I took a while to get going since I’m a big procrastinator. Nonetheless, I did manage to produce something, and of course it’s up on the blog.
I guess the thing I’m most interested about is if anyone who actually did read this got a different take on the movie besides “it sucked, kill the annoying voices” because I got a chance to explore some ideas that many people may not have thought about, such as stereotypes in dinosaur media, anatomical accuracy (not that it really affects the film itself even if putting effort into it is welcome) and how the film industry seems to view dinosaurs as something that mainly appeals to kids unless it’s all out violence and scares like they seem to try and do in the Jurassic Park franchise.
Seriously, the fact that this sort of situation where someone tries to make a silent movie of just dinosaurs being dinosaurs getting ruined by executive meddling that assumes kids can’t follow a movie without any dialogue isn’t even new says a lot.
I guess the last thing I will say was that amazingly the review is mostly unedited from what I originally wrote, the only times things really got edited were when I got a bit too into the palaeontology themed inside jokes, likely because few if any people reading would even understand them.
I even wrote this extended introduction about how I “accidentally” was going to review another movie called March of the Dinosaurs, which WWD3D has a suspiciously similar plot to (this came out in 2011 unlike WWD3D so… yeah), even having the same setting of the North American Arctic 70 million years ago.
But yeah, wrote a lengthy review and even if it might be a noticeable departure from the usual style I still hope people got something out of it.
Thanks. Figured I’d have his perspective on this whole thing. But yeah, this actually started as a crossover with him, which seems odd but I thought I could fun. I even put the effort into watching the film more than once to get it very right.
Yeah, for once I wanted to put slightly more effort and think about what I was going to put into a review, like most reviewers. But eventually that fell through, and I decided to just make him do it as an april fools thing.
So I sat through the film twice for nothing, lovely. But yeah, it was fun to do what I did with Ooogivloves. Both this and that one offered a unique perspective on that subject, beyond what I usually would say.
I think he did a fine job with this review, although it is a bit wordy, and I imagine some could be turned off by that. Although I could have actually explained the somewhere in the review, instead of leaving him to put a comment explaining it. Whoops.
Now for my real thoughts on the film itself….yeah, it’s bad. It’s pretty much on par with Escape From Planet Earth, and I can’t decide which is worse. The fact that the film’s problem comes from just an executive decision rather than just writers being bad to begin with, makes it a bit complicated.
But either way, it is still bad. This film is a perfect example of why exectuvie meddling tends to be really bad. They made a perfectly fine silent dinosaur film, but some guy thought kids didn’t like silence and we got…this.
If they only added narration, then maybe it could have been fine. Look at Spirit Stallion of Cimiron, where there is narration, even some songs, but still lets harsh moments sink in most of the time. And that was Dreamworks, so there is no excuse.
It seems like we’ll never get a really strong Dinosaur film. Sure there is Land Before Time but it still has plenty of dialogue. Even Pixar’s Dinosaur film was, as the title says, simply good. But every time people say something negative about that one, I want to force them to sit through this one.
Yeah, there are other issues besides the dialogue, but if it wasn’t there I could forgive all that. The pure artistry could make some cliché moments work, but not so much in it’s current state. The dialogue makes characters that would normally just be dull, very annoying such as the love interest and the main character.
No one shuts the hell up and the dialogue being full of bad jokes makes it even worse. Then there’s the Alex. I’ve seen some bad characters in animated films, but none that would go up there with Tucker and the like…until now.
I suppose he is annoying in a more generic way, but he’s still annoying, always being a jackass and making terrible jokes. That part where he rewinds the films actually happens.
I can’t believe such amazing animation has to be wasted on a movie like this. The fact that it exists in this form is just frustrating to me, and usually I’m not one to really care. Now, there actually is a version without the dialogue…on the 3D Blu-Ray, because they want no one to see it in it’s good form.
I know some people who have seen that, and apparently all they did in that version is remove the dialogue. All the dumb editing stuff they did like rewinding the film is still there, even though it makes no sense without context.
Good going.
So yeah, this film shows why executives should just like film makers make the films they want, or reach a fair compromise instead of just butchering the film like this. I didn’t even mention how bad the stuff with the kid is, due to the Non-Acting and bad exposition.
This was another fun little April Fools thing, and quite frankly a film like this needed more than my typical bitching, so there you go. A bit unusual, but still fun. We never get that amazing visual driven Dinosaur film, but at least we have….this.
Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return
This movie is interesting, because it’s bad-ness is more of a slow burn. It stats out just like a weak movie like Divergent, the kind that I don’t have a ton to comment on. But as it goes on, it’s problems because more obvious and more baffling things.
By the end, I was very much not happy with this one. It’s bad, although not hugely painful compared to some other duds out there. Movies don’t usually bug me for being generic for the most part, so it’s weird how this was the one that broke me.
I get that it’s easy to make a generic fantasy world out of something ike Oz, but a big budget theatrical movie with a big cast should not do that! It does not incredibly stale with a rehashed story and characters I can’t stand.
They have to be the worst. They are not memorable because they don’t have interesting goals, and do not really learn anything or do a whole lot. Some are more annoying than they should be, and one person kind of shatters several people and doesn’t give a shit.
Seriously, she is pretty bad. She spends the whole thing bitching and she does not learn to be better in a natural way. The romance she gets does not help either.
Look, the 1939 film is a bit cheesy and doesn’t really make a lot of sense, but it makes up for it with tons of creativity and magic. The songs are memorable, the visuals are amazing for the time and hold up today, and it has so much heart that you can forgive the weirder moments.
This has none of that. The heart feels forced, and the story is unsurprised with no creativity beyond minor moments here and there. It has moments of being tolerable, but it lack s everything the classic film had, much less the books.
It’d not the most painful thing ever, but it’s so boring and it did not need to be. The review is pretty good. Again, some dull patches but plenty of good comments, especially near the end.
The film doesn’t have a ton of incredibly out there moments, so most of my comments are about character and story, which works. I didn’t have quite as much fun doing this one because the movie is just no fun in general.
Norty think it’s So Bad It’s good, but I sadly don’t agree. It’s too annoying and generic to be fun except for a few dumb moments here and there. The whole thing is just a pointless mess. The review isn’t my favorite, but it’s a good one for a fairly bad movie.
…But seriously, where the hell was the wizard?
Zookeeper
If I somehow couldn’t re-read these reviews in question, I wouldn’t have much to say due to lack of memory. That alone says a lot, really.
All I remember is it switches between harmless bad, and painful bad, with some really forced cliché stuff in the 2nd half.
Now to read it again. …Okay, I don’t have much else to add. It’s bad but in a more forgettable and harlmess way than other Happy Madison movies. It tries too hard to make us like Kevin James and the 2nd half is incredibly rushed with it’s cliché arc.
It also sports one of Adam Sandler’s worst performances, and crappy humor. It’s bad in a way I’m not even mad at. I just can’t bring myself to care about it, especially after al the crap I’ve been through.
As I said, I may have hated it more early on but after growing some more, I just see it as a simple bad movie. It has plenty of problems, I’ve just seen worse. I can see why critics hated it more though, unlike a certain HM movie that came out this year.
The review is actually pretty good, even though movies like that get weak reviews mot of the time. It did have a lot to make fun of, it isn’t didn’t do so in a hugely awful fashion. I have some good moments here, and it’s clear that I just don’t care about, in a funny way.
Not too bad, I must say. I’m just glad I finally did this one after all this time. It’s one of those movies I’ve been itching to do for so long, that I can’t believe I still finally did it. It resulted in a fine review for a rather normal bad movie.
Oh, and yes, I do hope to do Paul Blart 2 at some point, if it’s bad enough anyway. I plan to watch it on it’s own after watching the first one to see which one I hate more. Sometimes if I dislike a film more than any reviewer who has covered it, I’ll go ahead and do It.
It’s why I’ve debated doing Just go With it. My main problem is different from Film Brain’s…but it’s only that problem, everything else was covered very well. I don’t think I’ll do it but you never know…
TV Review Marathon
Hey, TV Reviews count. I was going to cover them separately, but I may as well go through them together since it would be a waste to go through them one by one. This marathon came up because I got a backlog of bad TV episodes I wanted to cover, so I figured I’d tackle them all in one go.
Doing these was fun, even if some of the reviews were a bit pointless. I went at my own pace with these, which made them easy to cover. I’ll go over them each here, in a bite sized format.
Theater Thug: Honestly, seeing Norty’s Sheep Thrills review sparked this one. I wanted to talk about why I hated this episode way more and wanted to go into it, and since I had this marathon planed, I figured I’d start it with this. In hindsight, the episode takes longer to get the bad stuff than Sheep Thrills, resulting in more good stuff. However, the bad stuff is still bad. It’s still too contrived and repetitive to be funny. But it is on the tolerable side of bad. My least favorite episodes of this show are still far from the worst. The review is fine once I get to the bad parts, as I do good job explaining it’s flaws
I do like my bit on character abuse at the end. I came up with all that and I’m rather proud of it. It is true tat abuse can be funny as long as it is deserved, or is not contrived. A fine start.
Review It Up: Ugh, this one gets worse whenever I think about it. It may have a good subplot, and a few amusing moments and Ben Savage being enjoyable, but the implications make it so bad. Let’s think about it. People seem to rant on bad morality more than bad morals, since what is hinted at can be more dangerous than what is stated.
But a bunch of kids just cracking jokes about getting in trouble isn’t quite the worst. That’s just making light of avoiding responsibility. It’s not telling kids anything bad when you think about it. But sometimes a story comes along with implications that make it awful.
In this episode, the critic is portrayed as a normal angry pathetic man who is always tortured in contrived ways, and accidentally ends up married to a controlling bitch and he moves next to the girls hwo cause him pain, and he did all this because he was petty and jealous. Given the nature of this episode, this seems to be saying their critics are just jealous and pathetic. That’s….actually way worse than flat out having him be a dick.
Even beyond that, it’s just more depressing than it is funny. The torture goes way too deep for my tastes. The review goes into this pretty well, and I make some good points about just how deep this episode goes with it’s problems.
It might me by favorite of these TV Reviews just for that reason. Oh, and there’s another reason Big Time Blogger. Review It Up might have Ben Savage, but Big Time Blogger has the guy who voices Lars on Steven Universe.
Yes, really.
Love Ty-angle: This one is far from painful, but the writing issues make it pretty bad. Both plots only get bad with the ending making it at least a bearable experience, but man are those endings bag. I don’t think I need to go into more detail than I did before. The main plot is just fan faction, with getting rid of logic to put a couple together, and the subplot lets the main character be racist.
…Seriously, how did they read what they wrote and call this okay? I get the main plot, not so much this one. It’s just a poorly thought ot episode without much to redeem it. If you are wondering,i think the follow up episode is fine on it’s own despite the big problem. They seriously force these two together by acting like they had a connection, when they did not.
The review is good with me explaining all of this. I think my TV Reviews fare fine because the format means even the bits where I don’t have much to say work fine. Another fine review.
Coffee Talk: I have a bit more to add regarding the plot, but that goes after I remind you of my extended thoughts. About the director thing….yeah, I still find it insaner he directorl debuet is bad. She actually did a few more episodes after this, and they are actually good. Way better than her rocky start. She only direted it, so I do not blame her.
There may be episodes with weaker writing, or more torture, but this one is just the most annoying. The nature of the plot requires the characters to just be awful to each other. Even the characters who are typically likable are horrible here. It’s just not fun to watch at all, and the ending is just the worst.
The writing isn’t the worst ever, but that big problem really adds up in the end. Now, this plot is hard to do in general but there is a way to do. One example is the Kirby Bucket episode Kirby’s Choice.
I had no idea this would be the show to do it right. See, Kirby’s friends actually….don’t fight over it! They respect his decision either way, and the conflict comes from Kirby making this choice while his friends both are fine with either one.
That’s way more interesting than the characters just being jerks! It would have been easy to go that route since Fish and Eli can be a bit annoying, but they actually went the high road. The episode also has a unique format with Kirby imagining what each choice will bring him ,as the episode switches between. It’s a cool alternate timeline kind of thing and it makes the episode even better.
More examples of this plot should take from that one, it’s worth checking out. The review is pretty good. Plenty of dumb things to riff on and my rant is solid. Not too much else to say about that.
Big Hair & Baseball: I stick by my choice to do this one to show the original show can be mean and bad too. It’s tolerably mediocre, but its’ flaws are just too big. Even for this show, it,gets too mean spirited and awkward. The setup is what makes it so weak, by just wasting possibly good character development, and the ending is just insulting. It’s far from painful, but it’s pretty stupid. Not a whole lot too add, really. The review reflects this fine. Not my best, but it’s fine.
#MadAboutShoe: Ugh, this episode. My rage has died down but it’s still crazy. With these other episodes, I was kind of mad when I first saw them. But I was…fairly pissed when I first saw it for the first time. Not to the extent of certain films I’ve covered, but still mad. It seems rather silly in hindsight, but it’s crazy that this was the one that got to me.
I think it might be the big moment on top of all the other problems the show has. I had watched a ton of episodes by this point, and I was sick of seeing the same problems. So when this came along, having all he same problems and one awful moment, just kind of…get to me.
While I suppose other episodes like #Twenfection are structurally worse, this still has the most problems. The story is a joke, Sam is a bitch yet again, most of the jokes suck, the innuendo is forced, and there’s that…big moment regarding Cat’s actions and the audiences reaction.
I should have emphasized more that Sam flat out says it’s badto do this since she is in the hospital. They wrote a line pointing out how bad this is, yet went alone and treated it like a happy ending and they fucking dared to try to put in a “sweet” bit at the end.
I’m not sure how much I can harp on the whole applause thing. It’s the editors job to put that stuff that in, they lkely didn’t intend it when they wrote/shot it. But they still carleslly put it in after having the characters do something bad.
I don’t know how the whole process goes, but after that they really need to think about where they put that crap. Oh boy look at me, ranting on this again. It’s not even the worst, it just gets me going whenever I get started.
The review is good because I seriously ripped into all these problems, and made fun of all the little things too. While I made better points in the Lindy Nose Best one, this is my favorite of the TV Reviews.
By the way, to do this review I had to legally purchase the episode. I hope you appreciate what I have to do for you people.
Also, this review made my hate how the E and W keys are close to each other, because I kept calling the shoe a show and vice versa.
Face Off: Yeah, I’m not sure if I should have done this one. I wanted to talk about Adam, but the episode itself didn’t give me a lot to say. Yes, I had some rants but not enough for a full review. So the review ended up being kind of full and pointless. The episode is odd is that it’s just minor element that makes it bad. There are worse episodes, but few are like this where it’s going fine but has this annoying thing that just makes it bad. Adam is just so damn annoying with his attitude, and the ending is just…bad. Not the worst, but not very good. The review is…well I just said how it is, but it’s more or less fine despite all that.
Crocker Shocker: Another kind of pointless one, but the rant made It worth it. This episode is just….bad. I had to get it out of my system so I’m glad I did this one. It’s too messed up to overlook. Not the most packed review, but it turned out fine. I don’t have much to add to the review. It’s not painful as a viewing experience, but on a writing level, it’s really bad. …Not much more to say.
Gold Diggers: The writing on this one gets worse when I think about it. I brushed off the pacing issues, but it is a big problem. Even in a sitcom, you need a concrete structure, with passable pacing. Some of these shows get poorly paced, but this one tries to have some kind of moral and paces it very weakly.
It takes a while to get going, then barely spends time with them being jerks with the gold, only for them to go back to fighting. They don’t find the balance of drama and Comedy with this plot, making it very weak. You can play this for Comedy but they don’t go all the way.
The villains are also pointless, really. And of course, all of the characters are unlikable BEFORE they get gold, making it even worse. This episode, while bearable, is very poorly thought out.
The review is odd, as it’s the kind of thing I kind of have to explain after the fact. The problems cover the whole thing instead of minor moments, so the review could have been better. But I still make good points, even if I was a bit too nice.
Be Mine: Now this one I’m so glad I did. I had been meaning to do it, and I figure now was rthe best time with the TTG hate heating up. It goes up and down and even when they did The Fourth Wall, people didn’t care. Even though PieGuy brought up good points in that video, I still think people should shut up about it.
My goal of this one was to yell at the annoying haters, and show how tragic it is that the show is bad, because it can do so much good, yet it refuses to do this most of the time. While this one isn’t perfect, it’s still a solid story that manages to also be light and amusing for kids. Its exactly what this show can be, but it’s typically …not.
Ah well, this one is still good and I did a decent job explaining why. I plan to do more postive TV Reviews going forward, so that should be fun. I mostly just like my kind of rant in this one. I think we can all agree that TTG should just be ignored. The more attention you give to it, the longer it lives.
And no one wants that, now do we?
Tori Gets Stuck: Another one I maybe should not have done. I just wanted to talk about Victorious, I guess. I had some decent things to say about the nature of it, but I didn’t feel passionate enough, you know?
The episode is bad, but in a way I can’t hate due to the ending. I suppose that makes Brain Squeezers worse, but in that I would just say that it has torture that is not funny. Yawn. Still, the review is fine despite all of that.
Now, if you want a review of this episode that actually goes into detail, I found a guy hwo can help you with that. Just go here, trust me it’s way better than my review.
https://mikethetvblogger.wordpress.com/2015/04/04/the-d-minus-club-1-tori-gets-stuck-victorious/
Crusin’ for a Brusin’: I’m glad I did this one because it is important due to how close it is, yet so far. They really try to make the characters likable and in some funny and interesting elements. But it just turns into another pointless torture episode. I think the ending is what makes it bad. The characters who were trying to help got punished, and London goes on being annoying.
I feel like they really tried, but just stumbled …quite a bit. I can’t even mad at this one, it’s just poorly thought out. I’m not sure if there is a good example of this plot, but it has to exist out there. Sadly, this episode isn’t it. The review is a bit weak in some areas, but I make good points like with some of the other ones, and it was an important one to cover as I said.
Lindy Nose Best: And finally, the big finale. I wasn’t sure how I woild end this, but eventually I settled for this, as this episode has the most big flaws out of all of them. And it’s just that bad. I went into the whole morailty thing, so I don’t have to explain why I feel this one is worse than all the others.
I went into enough detail into the actually review, so I actually don’t have a ton to add. I will add that for all the episodes problems…it’s actually well paced. They do a good job juggline all of these plots and given the spot light at the right moment, and crossing them over. They all also have weight, for better or worse.
A lot of shows that do the A B C plot thing just don’t tie them together well, but this one does. …The plot sucks but ah well. It’s just another really badly written one, where it sides with a character for being a bitch.
It’s just….bah. I ranted on it enough so I don’t have to do it again. The review is pretty good, simply for all of my rants, and how well I covered it. I made sure to save my best rants for last on this one.
And that’s my TV Marathon. It went well for the most part, and I got to do some fun reviews on terrible episodes. …But this section took me awhile, so let’s finally move a long.
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Oh boy, our big two part review. Unlike The Lone Ranger, this very much needed to be two parts, because the movie did have a quite a bit to comment on. It’s a Bayformers movie, of coure it has a lot of shit to bitch about.
Time has been kind of this one, actually. Some movies I go easier on after I’ve had some distance, and this is an example. It’s still pretty bad, but compared to 2 and 3, it’s a god send. I just look back at it as a bad movie that barely tries.
Compare that to Dark of the Moon,which I’m still pissed at years later. While it is the same crap we’ve seen before, most of the characters are unlikable, and it has the usual bad humor and plot holes, the humor isn’t as cringe worthy as before, and there the plot isn’t nearly as broken as before.
Really, the biggest problem is the length. There is no need for it to be 2 and a half hours, because that causes it to drag on forerver and make the problems bigger. It gets so damn tedious near the end, too.
Not to mention this really doesn’t try enough new. It has new actors and a few cool things, but aside from fixing minor issues, it’s more of the same. These movies refuse to evolve, and it keeps getting more tiring with each passing film.
It’s still bad, but I don’t hate as much as some of the other ones. The review is pretty good. Not as much to mock as before, but still plenty to discuss. Not my best 2 part review, but it fared pretty well and there was no way I could do this in one post.
For my big epic two parter, it turned out fine, although it’s clear the film not being as bad lead to a less fun review. I really hope the next film does something new and is…actually good.
Clockstoppers
Now here’s a fun one. I can sum up my extended thoughts on the film fairly quickly. This is an enjoyable flick for how early 2000’s it is…but I have seen better, because it doesn’t have that batshit crazy element some of the other haves. It has a few dull moments and stuff like that. It’s an average film with the time period making it quite a bit of fun. That’s what it comes down to it.
So of course the review has it’s dull patches, but I overall did fine with this one, since it’s easy and fun to mock this kind of movie. It’s not my favorite review of this kind (we’ll get to that) but it was fun one.
How To Build a Better Boy
Speaking of fun, oh boy this one. This is kind of hilariously stupid crap I’ve been missng all year. This movie isn’t all that weird when you look at it on paper but in execution it’s just so crazy. It’s too stupid for anyone to hate, because it’s so wrapped up in it’s own stuff, being so silly and unrealistic, while also having some nice….attempts at nice stuff.
It’s mostly an average one with ups and downs, but the it’s the concept that makes it so much fun to make fun of it. It has some actually good moments too, as it make sure it has it’s hearts in the right place.
It’s exactly what it needed to be, and I dig it even if it’s stupid. The review was a lot of fun to do because it’s just so stupid with so many things to comment on. As such, the review is really good with a lot good points, and you can tell I had fun with it.
Easily my favorite DCOM Review I did this year.
The Swan Princess Sequels
I’m putting these together since I can say similar things for all of them, and putting them apart would just be pointless. The first sequel was a nice example of a film I just could not get up the emotion to rip apart better.
It was just very pointless and forgettable. I hardly remember it and I reviewed it this year! It’s not painful, and it has that awesome song, but aside from that it’s got little going for it. It’s biggest sin is that it exists.
The story really doesn’t add anything to the first one besides a lame conflict and a new villain who is just Rothbart 2.0. This movie is just nothing. Nothing awful, but nothing worth remembering. But still, that villain song is amazing.
The review is fine. Plenty to make fun of it, but most of the movie is just dull so the review is too. This is another case where I would have more to if I hated it more, but I was just meh to most of it.
It’s still fine bu t another kind of dull one. The 3rd one is just bad. Not horrible, but just normal bad. I wouldn’t even call it Bad Sequel Bad like Men in Black 2, because it digs even deeper with it’s non-conflict.
It’s amazing just how lazy the writing is. It’s like they didn’t try. The 2nd one at least tried in some parts! This was just a cheap cash grab in every way, at least writing was. Again, not really painful, but just mother bad cheap film.
The review is good, for pointing this all out, although there isn’t a ton of horribly baffling moments to mock. It’s mostly just poorly written. I carried myself pretty well, considering that.
The Swan Princess Christmas is interesting, because I was ready to hate it even more, when it just ended up being on par. It does technically worse, but I was no more mad at it. And it being the same is why I’m so mad.
All they did was make it mediocre CGI instead of mediocre 2D animation. They also removed the sometimes decent songs and replace them with crappy remixes. The fact that this is the same as the 3rd one wouldn’t bother me….if this wasn’t 14 years later!
They had all that time and still make the same damn mistakes! Like the 3rd one, this one has no conflict, and is a complete rehash, with a dumb ending to make it even worse. “God fucking dammit, stop rehashing shit!” was petty much what I said for real once the swan thing happened.
Like the 3rd one, it’s not the most painful thing ever, but it’s so tiring at this point. I wouldn’t call it more baffling than the 3rd one, but it’s even more dull and pointless. It’s just bad, like the previous one.
The review is good in how it points all this out, and I especially like the ending where it’s clear I’m getting frustrated. It’s mostly on par with the previous review, but is a bit better due the baffling ending.
There, we’re done with that damn swan princess….until I have do Part 5. At least it sounds slightly original….
Tinker Bell and The Legend of The Neverbeast
And now comes the end of Tinkerbell. Not just for now, it has recently come to light that DisneyToon Studios is going down a bit and won’t produce any more of these, making this the last one.
While I am weirdly sad to see the franchise go, this is a nice way to end it. Although it’s crazy to think this series has a downer ending.
Anyway, this movie has it’s pros and cons compared to Secret of the Wings, the other best entry. The cliches presented here bug me slightly more, and there’s less meat to the writing. But the charming parts are a bit more charming, and there are a few other minor good things.
This one manages to work despite being cliché, because you can just feel the connection. Tink and Perri had a nice thing going on, but this goes further despite being typical. Like Secret of the Wings, it also has a nice scale to it near the end.
I’d call them equal…if it weren’t for the ending. I know I went on about it in the review, but man, was that balls-y. Going that route is one thing, but flat out ending by remding us that she will never see Gruff again because she will die before he wakes up?
Yikes. The drama is done very well in this one, and the ending is the biggest example of that. For this franchise, it takes balls to not only put this one but end on that note. It would usually end on a happy note saying that while he’s gone, he is still just sleeping and the memories live on or yada yada.
But nope, you’re never seeing him again. The end. Perhaps one of the only good abrupt endings in history. The rest of the movie is above average, but the full ending makes it good. It’s no masterpiece, but it is good, and hot damn the animation is still sooo good.
This, like all the other ones, has it’s flaws and isn’t too amazing, but the good things make up for it. As a whole, this franchise is alright. Sure, Tink is a bore and the plots tend to be typical, but the animation is great, the world is pretty interesting, and it can be amusing.
This along with Equestria Girls proves a franchise can overcome a rocky start. As for the review, it’s a bit more dull then the other Tink reviews, but it has some good moments, and of course I explain the ending well.
Not my favorite review, but the film is still a nice surprise. If it ends here, than I’m glad it went out on a good note.
Russel Madness
But now for the stupid dog movie. I have no idea where the Buddies franchise went, but I’d rather have stuff like this, that is bad but mostly harmless. It doesn’t do anything too shocking with it’s bad elements, although it’s not as dull as something like Swan Princess 2.
Maybe because it does try a bit harder with the jokes. Most of the problems are typical, such as the cliché plot and bad jokes. I can’t even get mad because I’ve seen this before. And like I said, in a certain mood….it can be kind of fun to make fun of.
It has a few funny moments, and some parts are so stupid it’s funny. It could be a fun to pop in for a bad movie night with your friends….if you have something to drink. It’s not a huge recommendation in that regard, but it has that element.
So yeah, it is bad but I don’t mind it that much. The review has dull patches but is mostly good since I had plenty work with. It’s a nice balance. But seriously, please no more movies like this because I hate watching them, and no one likes them.
Dear Dumb Diary
I still don’t get get the songs.
….Okay, there’s more to say. …But not much more. Taking the songs aside, it’s just a very typical kids movie. Competent but unremarkable. It basically fixes my problems with Judy Moody, but doesn’t do too much on it’s own.
It doesn’t make mad on that level, though. It’s an okay movie, nothing all that special but nothing awful. It does it’s job, but I’ll never think about it again after doing this. I just did this on a whim and well….i got some stuff out of it.
Really, the songs are the only thing that stick out for me. One or two of these random songs would be fine but we get at least 4 of them in the main movie! They are all imagine spots, and this is in no way a real musical.
I really don’t get it. The Meatloaf one is the worst in this regard. The songs are catchy I guess but….very pointless. The review is decent in spirte of the movie being average, because it has a few things to make fun of, mostly the songs.
Not my best, but fine given how memorable the film is. This will be one of my most forgotten reviews, but at least we had a song about meatloaf. ….Yeah, let’s move on.
Planes: Fire & Rescue
Yet another “Meh” movie for years roster. It’s biggest feat is being better than it’s mediocre predecessor. It has a noble goal and some rather intense scenes, but it also very generic and rehashes other entries in the franchise.
They tried a lot harder, but they didn’t try hard enough. It’s less painful than the first one, but it still had no reason to exist. It came close, but no cigar. It’s meh. Not a whole lot to add, really, I think I got it right the first tine. The review is another okay one. A mix of good points and dull patches. I like the first Planes review more, but this one has it’s moments too.
…Seriously, Howard the Truck? BOAT RENOLDS?!
Zenon: The Zeequel
Speaking of Sequels, here’s a ….disappointing one. I was expected something far better than the first one, but honestly it’s about the same. A bit better in some areas, but it’s mostly about equal. Meaning, it’s enjoyable but nothing special on a script level.
I suppose I shouldn’t have expected a sequel to Zenon but to be amazing, but if Halloweentown can get an even better sequel, this one can too.
It still should have been a bit better on it’s own. The writing is a bit weak in spots when it comes to certain plot elements, and it uses a few too many elements from the first movie. It’s far from the worst re-hash but it still has those elements.
I’d say I enjoyed this as much as the first one, although the charm of the slang had gone down at this point. I was just expecting something more.
The review is fine. More dead spots than the last one, but still a few decent moments. I’m still glad I did it so I could at least find out what the sequel is like. I am interested to see how Z3 is. I actually saw it as a kid before I even knew about the movies.
I barely remember anything about it, which may be a sign. And yes, I still think this is has the worst sequel subtitle ever.
Barbie Month
Oh boy, our big theme month of the year. Sometime in early 2015, I saw an ad for a Barbie movie and I got curious about the series. I always knew about it, and I had wanted to tackle it for a while.
And after Tink ended, I wanted another Direct to Video franchise to cover. After doing research…i knew I couldn’t do all of them, but I knew I wanted to do a few. So hey, why not a month of them?
I put more effort into the research than I should. For some, I wanted to do it as soon as I heard of them, like with Fashion Fairy Tales and Princess Power. I did Nutcracker since it was the first one, and I did Pony Tale…cuz of the pony thing, honestly.
This whole thing did give me more insight into Barbie lore, and it gave me an excuse to watch Life in the Dream house, so at least that came out of this. The funny thing is that I planned this out in early 2015, before MLP Season 5 Premiered, and thus before I know Kelly Sheridan would end up doing a voice on the show.
So when it aired, and I found that out…yeah. I found out about the MLP connections through the research and needless to say, I knew I had to mock it. Infact, I picked Thumbelina due to Ashleigh Ball being in it, and it was the only Era 1 film she was in, I think. She was in a later one that was a Prince and the Pauper knock off, and she voiced a rock star and apparently someone else does her singing voice.
…Because clearly the makers are moron.
All in all, these films were disappointing. They were nowhere near as horrible as they should have been. Yes, they are lazy and pandering, but no more so than some other franchises. The animation is typically bad, but even Mainframe has done worse.
At worse, they were just boring like Pony Tale. I think I’m just too used to this kind of thing, and honestly, they are mostly harmless. I think I just picked the “Average” ones. I have no idea which ones are seen as the worst, but I’m sure the commentators will tell me.
Let’s quickly go over each one again. Nutcracker is just boring, predictable and forgettable. Aside from the long ending and Tim Curry, not much stands out about it. Not much more to say.
Thumbelina is more of the same, it just tries harder. I’m sure some may hate it more due to the cliché elements, but I thought it at least tried at some points. It has a few funny things like Myron, but otherwise it’s another dull one.
Fashion Fairytale is techinally a bit less memorable when it comes to original stories, but it falls into so stupid it’s funny. The set up alone is worth seeing the film for. This is the one I wanted to do the most, and it was everything I wanted. The writing has plenty of problems, but I found it fun to riff on. Not hugely recommendation on the funny bad scale, but whatever.
A Pony Tale was easily the worst. It wasn’t painful for bad, but it so forgettable and boring. The writing is very weak with pointless conflicts and a very weak plot, and it basically amounts to a very dull experience. It has it’s moments, but as a whole it’s fairly lame. Meh.
Princess Power was the best. I know that’s not saying much but there you go. It has the least amount of huge problems, even if the main conflict is weak. It’s stupidity is so much fun to mock, with certain lines, the villain, and the action. It’s enjoyably stupid and I had a lot of fun mocking it.
The reviews were hit or miss. Some like Nutcracker were dull because the film was dull, while some like Princess Power were good because they had a lot mock. This month kind of made me think that me not hating a lot of these films made the reviews weaker.
If someone had a….harsher opinion on these films, they would have a lot more to say. But since i’m easy on them, didn’t have a whole lot to say. Stuff like this is what got me thinking and lead to my big decision.
But whatever, I still had fun doing these and they had their moments. Not my best theme month, but it was fun.
Fantastic Four-Rise of the Silver Surfer
A perfect example of a review I should not have done. I may have been interested in the film, but if I saw it first before doing the review, I would have backed out. It just gave me so little to work with, since I didn’t hate it.
The movie itself tries a bit harder than the first one but it doesn’t really go all the way. It has less dicking around but it still uses plot lines I don’t care about. I could care about their marriage problems if I cared about the characters, but I just don’t.
It’s incredibly average, and sometimes those knd of movies can be reviewable, but sometimes they are the worst. If something is uneven, then you have something to talk about it. But if it’s clearly just doing the bare minumum, then there’s not a lot to discuss.
If you can’t tell, I’m not fond of the review, but it’s the best I could do. I have some good bits, but most of it is dull. Reviewing action-y films is hard enough for me due to their nature, but this one was ….meh.
Also, there’s this part:
“Needless to say, I’m excited for the new one to see if we a really good Fantastic Four movie at last. Hopefully that one will be good.”
…Ouch. In my defense, I have no idea it would be the Internets next punching bag after they were done with Pixels. I thought it looked totatlly fine, which is why it confused me that people were weirdly expecting it to suck.
I may or may not do it. Chances are everyone else will get to it before I can, and I don’t really care enough. When it comes to unfair punching bag movies that I went to do first, I’ll stick to Jem, thank you very much.
Bad Hair Day
This was a nice breather from the other DCOM reviews. The movie itself is a nice breather and while it’s not my best review, I had way more fun with it than a few others. The film is flawed with the way it does development, but it’s perfectly harmless and enjoyable.
I said I like it the most of all the 2015 DCOM’s, simply because it was less crazy and flawed. It doesn’t aim too high, and it hits that mark fine. We have amusing chemistry with the leads, and a few decent themes here and there.
It’s totally acceptable, and sometimes that’s exactly what you need. The review isn’t the best DCOM review, since it’s not as baffling, but it’s fine. Plenty of good points and amusing bits. Nothing special, but fine.
Just like the movie.
Strange Magic
This one is just like Legends of Oz, where it’s a slow burn bad-ness. It starts out just kind of weak, then the 3rd comes and drag it down to being fairly bad. But to be honest, this one isn’t THAT bad.
It has just two big problems. The songs, and the romance. However, those are the main selling points, so there’s no excuse. A commentor said he thinks the reason they suck so much is that they always get cut off before they make an impact, and it’s true.
That, and there’s like 50 of them.
The romance is the worst part, because it’s about as good as the throw away romance in a bad Comedy….and it’s the main point of the movie. Everything else is just kind of average, mostly stuff I can forgive.
Those big things, not much. But even still, it’s a mediocre kind of bad. I thought Legends of Oz was a bit worse. Although both were still better than Escape From Planet Earth and Walking With Dinosaurs.
2015 was a more average year for animated features, while it was very good on TV. Plenty of decent ones, but nothing too great. There was Inside Out and Peanuts, and that’s about it. Again, the rest were pretty good, but not too amazing.
Then again 2014 was about the same with some pretty good, but not amazing ones, although that had two films of about equal awesome quality. At least Strange Magic was only the really bad one.
Home was just “meh”
Anyway, the review is yet another fun. This is one with some dull stretches but when it got to the bad parts, I had some good moments. A bit typical for a film like this, but eh it’s the best I could do.
Genie in a Bikini
Oh god, this movie. I still don’t get it this one, nor do I know if I even had the right copy. It’s like a drive by movie. It started, then it ended just as fast! I’ve never had the displeasure of catching this on TV, but from what I could tell, the version I found is the right one.
I know some of their pilot movies tend to be short, but there’s no evidence this iso ne of those. Even if it has, it has to have a proper structure or be an actual movie. 100 Things to Before High School managed be an actual movie, or at least a competent TV Show episode!
It’s not as painful as I feared, but it’s so rushed. At least stuff like Lair Lair Vampire look like an attempt a movie. This is like a BAD Sitcom episode. Even though have better pacing than this.
It’s….odd. It’s not horribly, but it’s very weak and forgettable. I think even Nick wants to forget it existed, because it almost never airs anymore. I’m not fully convinced I dreamed this movie and I just sounded like a raving lunatic here.
The review is pretty good. Plenty of stuff to mock and comment on, so I had no problem here. A case where a simply mediocre movie gets a fine review, because of how…odd it is. At least it’s not the worst nick TV Movie ever made.
I just have one more comment to make. Nick was originally known for doing the silly kid star kidcoms back in the 90’s, then Disney came and basically knocked them off. That’s where a lot of the Disney Sitcom hate comes from.
Now Disney is the one mostly doing them and Nick is ripping them off. Kids Entertainment has gone full circle. Wow.
Max Keeble’s Big Move
Now here’s one of my favorite reviews of the year, just because of how much fun it was to do. With this movie, I can tell they really were just trying to make a fun movie that was every kid’s fantasy but also teaches kids the dangers of revenge.
And on that level, it’s actually not bad. It’s meant to be very silly and strickly for kids, and it kind of works on that level. The only thing freezing me off is the crap with the love interest or whatever.
I get that they want to show that he’s so busy with revenge that he’s neglecting his friends, but they should have just stuck to that instead of involving that romance stuff. They don’t spent a lot of time on it….but it shouldn’t have been there to begin with.
So while it doesn’t quite have as much objective value as Clockstoppers, it’s clearly trying to just be dumb fun, it works a bit better. It’s so silly I can forgive it’s other problems, like how it has more villains than a bloated superhero film.
Larry Miller represents the kind of bully who has power, Troy is a normal bully, and…Eddie is the business bully? Jamie Kennedy is …the ice cream bully? The role of bully who can be near you was taken by Troy, thank you very much.
Nonetheless, they are all fun, and my god, Larry Miller is so amazing here. He’s loving every minute of this role. Oddly enough, he did play a Principal in one episode of Liv and Maddie. He was nowhere near as amazing.
Admittedly, the review isn’t the best as it has a few dull patches despite the materiel, and I say “Because of course __ does” way too much. But I still plenty of good moments, and you can just tell I had fun with this one, and I sure did.
This is what happens when I do a movie I actually want to do, I actually have fun. This is a good one, at least to me.
Anger Management
Ah yes, Sandler strikes again. This is one I wanted to cover since I saw it, because it’s very interesting. It’s one of the better weak ones, but it’s still very flawed. It has a lot of poteintl, to be honest.
I do like the concept of a normal guy dealing with his inner anger, and all that. There are good performances, and good ideas for jokes here. But the execution is sloppy. A lot of the jokes are lazy and the torture gets to be a bit too much.
It’s not painful, but it’s just poorly thought out, and too long at points. Even with the ending, I can’t get made because I do like the idea, and I think they just didn’t think it through. As far as Adam Sandler films go, this one actually tries but it just didn’t pan out too well.
This one left me conflicted at some points, so I did this to explain that. As a result, the review came out fine. Not a ton of things to mock, but the story had plenty to comment on, and there are few good moments. One of my better reviews from this year.
Not much else to say so….moving on.
Snow Day
Ah yes, the Brother Birthday review of the review. I suppose I can go into how that works. I just think of a few movies I could do that he knows about and have him pick. He actually picked Taken 3 at first, but changed his mind when he found this is an early 2000’s Nick Movie.
His pick was..meh. The movie is just very meh. It’s not even fun like Max Keeble or even Big Fat Liar. It’s just very forgettable. The idea isn’t too bad, but it’s done in a very weak way that just isn’t very interesting.
Honestly, I’ve forgotten most of the movie. I just remember the stuff with the brother movie because he almost takes over the movie. Which wouldn’t be too bad if his stuff wasn’t the most cliché.
I don’t have a lot to add, really. It’s just a boring movie that could have worked, but is mostly meh. I can’t really blame anyone, since I didn’t know it would be like this. Although it had just another dumb parts for me to mock.
The review is good. Despite what I said, the movie gives me just another to comment on, with the cliches, weird focus and all that. I have plenty good moments, and I did the best I could. Not my best, but fine.
I hope Antony picks a more fun weak film next year.
Teen Beach 2
This is one of the cases where I think I explained myself fairly well the first time, but let’s see how much I can add. I think it’s an enjoyable sequel that has all the charm of the original, and just isn’t as well written.
To be fair, there’s not a whole lot you can do in terms of story, so the premise they went with was the best concept they could have went with. They just could have done better when it comes to development.
And like I said, I respect the ending. Honestly, if it had a normal happy ending, I would have forgotten about it. It might make no sense, but it has an interesting idea behind it at least. I’m just glad a DCOM took a big risk, even it means there won’t be a 3rd one.
It’s an okay sequel, in the end. Not much more than that. The review is pretty good on a critical level. Not a ton of great jokes, and a few dull spots, but a solid one nonetheless. It has some nice critiquing from me.
…Yeah, that’s about it.
The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water
…I think you’re interested to hear about how this came about. But like with Walking with Dinosaur, I will let my guest, Eli Stone aka The Cartoon Hero give his two cents:
“Now, for me this crossover helped me in the continuing process of getting out of my comfort zone. See, I’m a writer first and foremost–so the first few crossovers I’ve done were with people I’m very close friends with, and whose videos I’ve seen all of, so I had a reasonable idea of how to write their characters.
So basically, I wrote the whole thing and asked them if it was okay and if there was anything they wanted to add or take out. Now, I realize that sounds selfish, and it probably is, but the first few times, it worked.
But then I started doing crossovers with Rowdy and Hewy, people that are just as passionate about their work as me, and I found myself not writing for them, but writing with them.
That’s really what this crossover was, too–though I have to say, our styles did clash a bit. I’m more of a ‘summarize-and-make-jokes’ reviewer, whereas Spongey does it like he’s writing an article for The Agony Booth–a full, play-by-play analysis.
But ultimately, I think it worked out pretty well. It was kinda inevitable that we’d do something together with how often we’re in contact. “
Thanks once again, man. So how exactly did this came about? …I asked him and he said yes. Yeah, nothing more complicated than that.
See, I previously did a sort of guest thing with Norty, who you may remember from Elseworlds Month. I’ll got into that some other time, but I did end up helping him write a review for him. So yeah, something I technically ended up in an actual video review.
That’s cool. But this was an even bigger dream. With Norty, I had talked to him enough on Twitter that it wasn’t too odd for us to team up, and I only just gave him glorified notes.
With a smaller reviewer like him, it’s easier to come into contact, and we ended up talking quite a bit over time. It actually started when I ended up showing him that Mare do Well review I did.
…Yeah, even I forget I did that.
Long story short, since we’ve come to know each other decently well ,i thought it would be fun to something similar to what I did with Norty. So I just asked him and he was on board. Now, Sponge out of Water actually wasn’t the intended target.
I just wanted to do something with him, and after talking a bit, we settle on Sponge Out of Water. He did want to finally see it and talk about it, and I did want to do a detail review on it.
So this I could and have a decent gimmick to not make it dull for those who saw my general review. The writing process is about what you would expect. I did the general recap with my usual insight, while he did his own sort of review and combined them, exchanging various notes.
In the end, he was a bit more like a guest than a hugely equal partner, but in this case, it worked out well. In the end, I like the review. Yeah, I did slightly rush parts of it, but I was able to put in some good jokes, and of course Hero did get some good quips.
Pretty much everything he said was all his. I did give some ideas but it was mostly him. The only big idea I had, was the idea for us to argue over who won the rap battle. Because come on, I had to.
The rushing thing did mean my analysis wasn’t quite the best, but I did into more detail in Spoiler-y thing, at least. As for the movie, I did have a few more issues after having to watch it again, but I still quite like it.
I mostly like it as SpongeBob fan, since as a film it’s mostly just a good film, but it’s better for people like me. I do regret doing that general review, since it did spoil this. That’s exactly I didn’t do one for Goosebumps, I want that eventual review to be super special.
So yeah, this was a really cool experience. I still can’t believe I kind of did something with a real video reviewer. The Martial Horror Cameo was cool but this was a real review. And it was a ton of fun to do.
I kind of want to do more Crossovers with people, although my options are obviously limited for the time being.
….So yeah, this review was interesting.
Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire
Now for this years Halloween reviews. There really isn’t a lot to add to this one cuz honestly…I don’t do feel too strongly about this one. I remember it, but don’t feel strongly enough to go into more detail then I did in the review. It’s surprisingly average, given the concept. It didn’t do anything wrong, but it didn’t do anything amazingly well either.
Everything follows the expected beats, and doesn’t do anything too crazy. Again, there’s nothing bad, it just didn’t go far enough. It could have been a lot crazier and funnier, but it’s just kind of tame.
Not really a lot going on it, really. A bit disappointing, but it is fairly enjoyable, I suppose. But as far as Monstober DCOMs go, you’re better off with Halloweentown, or even Girl Vs Monster. ….Yeah, I said that in the original review, but whatever.
Speaking of the review, it’s fine. Despite the weak-ness of the film, it gave me some things to mock so I did a fine job with it. It just didn’t give me a lot to analyze. A fine review for a mostly fine film.
Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls
Ah yes, always great to tackle the world of Stine Cinema. The movie is about as…whelming as I should have expected. In terms of writing, it is about the same as the Mostly Ghostly movies. There’s plenty this could have done better, but it’s about what you expect for a Direct to Video movie.
It’s slightly disappointing coming these writers. The guys who brought us Really you and Scarecrow. Ah well.
It’s got some pretty good performances, and some creative ideas, as well as solid atmosphere. It’s some of the cliches that drag it down, especially the love triangle They should have ditched that and developed the characters further.
But as it is, it is good scary fun. The concept is a bit more creative than the other Stine films, but the others feature better developed. How would I rank the DTV Stine films? Hmmm. Mostly Ghostly 2 is the weakest, but still solid, and When Good Ghouls Go Bad is the best (Sorry Bobshaux…for butchering your name). The others are about equal.
Mostly Ghostly 1 is slightly funnier than the others, but because of some odd moments and Brian Steppank’s performance. Haunting hour is a bit creepier. You’ll have to wait a while for me to say where Goosebumps fits in the ranking….
So yeah, that’s all I got for the movie. As usual, review has dull stretches but is mostly fine due to the dumb bits I get to mock. There was plenty to comment on, and I did a fine job with it. Once again, I should have known it wouldn’t be the best thing ever going on.
But overall, it’s good fine.
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones
This review was interesting, because I actually wrote half of it in 2014. Halfway through, all those issues I mentioned in that announcement thing popped up, so I gave up. I saved what I had, and decided to finish it for this year. I never finished the actual movie back then, so it was weird going back to it after having not see any of it in a full year. I read through the review a few times and skimmed through the film to back in the mood and remind myself, so I can analyze the whole film better instead of just stuff I had to watch this year.
Not that it made it any better, but whatever. Thinking about it, the 4th movie bugs me a bit more but this one is close to being as bad. At least has an okay idea of just some the same stuff, but it’s pretty tiring.
It’s just a bore most of the time, and has that incredibly lame ending. The movie is just pointless, really. I’ve seen worse, but it’s just not very effective. Which is too bad, since it could have been kind of creative in places.
I hear the new/”last” one isn’t any better, but I guess I’ll find out when it hits DVD. As for the review, well both the old and new stuff is good. Plenty of stuff to mock and some good points. Kind of hard to screw up a review of a movie this obviously weak.
(Although I get why some people like it)
So yeah, another typically fine PA review. Oh, and if you want me to get into all that demon arc stuff, wait til I do that retrospective.
Hocus Pocus
…Yeah, 2015 was the year of me and Nostalgia Critic stepping on each others toes. He did Fantastic Four 1 and Osmosis Jones which I thought of doing, then he did Garfield, Sharkboy and Lavagirl, and then this. Very odd how that worked out.
If you are wondering, we share the same thoughts on most of them to an extent, except Garfield. I think this one was the most unexpected, since he did it on Disneycember. Oh, and if you’re wondering….i didn’t mind that review too much.
Hey, just be glad I didn’t mention I liked Bart’s Nightmare!
…
Now that all my readers are gone, let’s move on. My feelings are once again the same. It’s mostly a fun guilty pleasure, but I honestly feel there are better films in that vein. The witches are fun at least, and it’s mostly harmless.
But it could have been closer to genuinely good if it had a tighter script, with better developed main character. As it is, it’s kind of an empty story made tolerable, by hilarious 90’s cliches and the witches.
As I said, there are better movies like this, that are more fun to watch, at least to me. I dig the Halloween atmosphere a lot….but honestly, I can name movies that have better Halloween atmosphere. It’s far from the best.
But hey, it’s good guilty pleasure fun, so I can’t get too mad it. The review once again has dull spots, but plenty of good moments cuz….this is the kind of movie that is easy to make fun of. A fine review, and it was a semi lost one like PA, but I only covered 10 minutes so it was easy to watch it again up to the point I left off two years go.
So yeah, when it comes to Guilty Pleasure Kenny Ortgea movies, you know which one I’ll stick with.
Overall, not the best set of Halloween reviews, but some good ones, at least.
Rugrats Go Wild
I can’t decided if I was too nice or not. Yeah, the movie is tolerable but the writing problems are pretty big. It should have gotten a C+, and just gotten a separate grade for personal enjoyment.
Beyond that, there isn’t much to add. The movies does a poor job handling subplots and character conflicts, and lacks the substance of the other Rugrats films. It’s obvious it was meant to be on TV, as only the animation and climax make it theatrical.
And also the songs. These movies can’t decide if they are musicals are not, and this one comes close to deciding, but nope.
I still say it’s kind of enjoyable as a piece of children’s entrainment, and the writing problems aren’t the biggest distractions, but it does take away from it. Reviewing it did make me see why people hate it so much, although I still don’t think it’s that bad.
Weirdly, I liked this review more than the last several. I think it was because I was clearly more passionate about this one, and got to be more critical. I did this around when I was planning my big announcement, and was in my slump, so I just liked doing a review that gave me stuff to talk about.
It’s not my best, but I do good job with discuss the flaws and such. Not a ton of great moments, but it’s still a decent one.
Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives
Don’t have a lot to add here, because I’m not quite passionate enough to go any better. I still think this one is just quite. Enjoyable enough, but not as good as it could have been. It doesn’t even have as much meta humor as I heard it had.
It just didn’t do too anything too amazingly special. I’m not exactly anything “great” from this, but it could have been better. As I said, it started and ended well but rest is just okay. It’s at very least “harmless” and somewhat enjoyable
The review is okay. A Typical Friday the 13th, although the lack of matriel means there ae most dull spots than usual. I still had plenty of nice moments and insight to makeu p for it. Tehre is one amusing bit in the movie I left out:
I can’t remember the exact line, but this one guy says somewhat like ‘isn’t he an idiot” and hten it cuts to some kids yelling “Yeah!”. They aren’t reacting to him, it’s just a really wacky cut. I left it out because eh, it’s too small to comment on but it’s pretty amusing. Right?
“Yeah!”
Pants on Fire
“Eh” was the word of the day on this one. Even if you take away my expectations based on the network, the movie is one big pile of adequacy. Aside from maybe the twist, it does nothing out of nowhere by DCOM (or DXDOM in this case) standards, but it does everything is done fine.
The moral is taught properly and the main character learns his lesson about to be passable, but isn’t charming enough to be fully likable. I can’t even say it was on auto pilot, because they clearly tried.
It’s fine that they didn’t go too crazy with the humor, but it could have been a lot more. I’m not even sure how it could have been better, because it’s…fine as it is. But to be fair, it is somewhat enjoyable, it’s just not even weird enough to a fun kind of weak.
It’s just….there. The review is okay. You can tell the movie didn’t give me ton to critque, but I have plenty of amusing moments due to some dumb stuff in the film. It’s a fairly average review, but a fairly average film.
Barbie in A Christmas Carol
Time for our Christmas haul to end things off! I just got off of doing these, so don’t expect any huge extra thoughts.
This has to be the most average Barbie film I’ve covered. It actually does things right, but only because it’s hard to screw up this story. It also does things wrong, but nothing stands out as awful, even the dumber choices.
It clearly tries harder than some of the others. This is a case of trying and just not pulling it off, rather than hilarious incompetence than the others. I guess that makes it the “best” one by default.
And yeah, it kind of is. Although it is the most disappointing, given that a Disney Sitcom could pull of this story better in 22 minutes. And yes, I’m still better they didn’t have Kelly Sheridan voice Girl Scrooge. Come on, that’s the whole reason I picked this one!
By the way, the DVD of this did not have a making of for the film, but it does have one for the doll it was made to peddle. That really isn’t surprising.
The review is better when I read it again, then when I originally went over it when I wrote it. When I did it, it felt like kind of a dull one, but I have a lot more amusing moments when I got over it again.
I did the best I could given how this film is, but I did have nice critiquing stuff along with some good jokes. I did have a ton of small jokes at start, making me think the whole review would be great, but nah the rest is closer to dull, but in a….good way, I guess.
Not my favorite Christmas review, but still a good one.
Merry Christmas, Drake and Josh
This one was very much a filler review. I just wanted to do a smaller and simpler film before I went into some heavy duty stuff. And on that level, I did fine. The movie is nothing too special as a film, but as a finale, it works.
It’s neat to see the characters back, and in the end it has enough humor and heart to pull it through. Again, nothing special but just fun. Only recommended for fans, everyone else won’t care as much for it.
Nothing more complicated than that, really. The review once again has dull spots, but works as a filler piece. I say some fine things and have a few amusing jokes. Like the film, it’s nothing special for works for what it is.
Saving Christmas
I was actually kind of glad this one exists. After so many films that were a lukewarm kind of bad, I was so glad to find actually notably and uniquely bad, with quite a bit to mock. Although I’m not sure how good of a “So bad it’s good movie’ it is. It certainly is one, but at some points it’s too dull and rambly to be quite on the level of craziness as The Room and the like.
But it does make up for some of the crazy stuff, like the explanation of trees and the ending. There’s a lot I didn’t mock because I wasn’t quite aware of batshit insane it was. I did say if you knew more about this stuff, would be more to bitch about.
This one of the few So bad It’s Good films I’ve seen that actually has a bad moral, instead of a hammered in good one. But this one is so crazy no one will listen, so it just adds to the craziness.
The movie is a bit compared to others, but it can be enjoyed for it’s bad-ness to an extent. But is still is technically the worst film I covered this year, if only for how dull it can be in the first half.
The review is good. I harped on the rambling too much early on, but I still commented on a lot and had plenty of fun riffing on the film. There really isn’t a whole more to it than that. A movie that actually gave me a lot of material lead to a good review, how novel.
And it’s certainly a better negative Christmas review than the last one. …Huh, it just hit me that I did two in a row with Saving __ in the title. Weird. Anyway, we’re finally gonna finish this off with…
Twas the Night
Kind of weird to look back on a review that just went up yesterday but here we go. You can tell this is another one I did to just have fun with a decent movie. The film isn’t really the greatest, but I really appreciate the message and Bryan Cranston’s performance. The rest is okay but those two films make it notably good for me.
I can see the big flaw could bug people, but I didn’t mind that too much. The stuff that works just works too well for me. It just gives me a nice feeling at the end, especially with the proper ending. I have nothing against Ultimate Christmas Present, I just think this one is more memorable.
It won’t go down in my top 10 DCOM’s or anything (now there’s a list idea…) but it’s still good. I think after a lot of meh movies, it was nice to go out on one I flat out like, even if it is flawed.
The review is standard, but good. I think I had plenty of decent jokes, and fun moments. I think the reviews I enjoy doing the most end up being the better ones, and this is a nice example. The analysis inst too deep, but it is good.
The film does have things to critique, in the very least. So yeah, this was a nice film and review to end on. After all the ups and downs of this year, it’s a very nice ending.
And those are my 2015 review. I think now you can why I decided to do what I did. 2015 was an odd year in general. Every year claims to be the “worst” and it’s usually mixed for me. 2014 was a bit worse for me in terms of real life, but this year did have stuff that got my to think more seriously about my future, as you’ve seen.
But overall, I do think this was a good year, as it did have a good effect on me in the end, and I got to do some crazy things, like a crossover! I thank you all for sticking by me if you did, and let’s look forward to a great 2016.
I have tons of cool things planned for reviews and other projects, and you can be sure I’ll go out with a bang on the weekly stuff. And yes, I have plenty of review retrospectives in the works, topping it off with a look at the best and worst films I reviewed in 2012 and 2013. It’s about I did that one.
Well, that’s all I got. Hope you get why I did this, but you have plenty to look forward to, so don’t fret! All good things must come to a sort of end, you just need to look forward to the next good thing.
See ya, in 2016!
A Taste of Spongey 
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Thanks so much for the mention! Looking back, I actually do have the itch to start writing again. And I would be interested in doing a crossover review, but probably on a TV show because that’s my forte.
Also, nice work on this blog, you put a lot of effort into maintaining it and making it look professional. 🙂
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