Hop

Where’s Hugh jackman when you need him?

Hello, Spongey here.

Happy Easter! Since there are precious few Easter movies, this will be my last Easter review. Last year, I looked at the first short of little cars 5.

Greaster is still stupid,.

This may actually be the only real Easter movie ever. Well, I guess rise of the guardian’s kind of counts, but maybe i’ll review that next year.

This year, i’m looking at a live action/animation hybrid from 2011. it’s not based on anything else, which is rare for these types of movies. The director did Alvin and the chipmunks, so it must be good!

…he also worked on Spongebob and rocko’s modern life. Oh how the mighty have fallen

. Well, anyway, this also comes to us via illumination Entertainment, a new company that so far has given as amazing animation…and lackluster stories. Yeah, I like Despicable me and the lorax, more so than most, but I had to admit, the direction this studio is going is a bit disappointing since I was keeping an eye on them when they started.

I haven’t heard good things about this one, but I’ll give it a chance.

This, is Hop

after an Easter version of both the universal and illumination logos, we get narration telling us how important the Easter bunny is. Hell, he’s a legacy character, which means like Santa In a Christmas movie, the role is given to a new guy every once in a while.

“I’m Fred o Hare, the first human Easter bunny”

so wouldn’t it be Easter human? Anyway, he says it will make sense once he tells us how this all started.

We cut to Easter island (GET IT) where we meet our main character, EB, as a kid. I must mention that kid EB is voiced by django marsh…the son of phineas and ferb co-creator swampy marsh.

I don’t know what to say about that…so I won’t say anything.

So EB is hanging with his dad, the Easter bunny, voiced by hugh laurie. So they go down to Mr Bunny’s HQ, which sadly, isn’t as cool as it was in Rise of the guardians.

But it still looks pretty cool, I guess. Easter bunny even has his own workers…chicks! No, the other kind of chicks, perv.

Wait, why does the Easter bunny get his own factor with workers and shit? Why is he seen as important as Santa in most of these stories? He just gives out eggs that go bad if you can’t find them! What makes him important enough to get slave labor?

In Rise of the guardians, it made sense cuz he was part of a group of others, and he was hugh jackman. Here, …not so much. I get that they wanted to make an Easter movie, but something a bet less “rip off of Santa” -ish, please!

We get a few minutes of candy being made, as EB watches in awe.

“someday this will all be yours”

MUFASSA: everything the light touches..

so yeah, the son will get the Easter bunny throne. Eb runs into one of chicks, who is Spanish, and named Carlos. Also, Hank azaria. He was Swedish in happy feet 2 , and now he’s Spanish in this. What’s next, is he going to be Chinese?

Since he acts like a dick to EB, but humble to mr bunny, I think he’s gonna be the villain. Just a hunch.

So onto the live action part of the movie. A kid sees Easter bunny making his rounds, Santa Claus style. According to Wikipedia, this will be important later.

20 years later, the kid is now an adult, named Freddy o Hare (GET IT), played by James Marsden. Who is with his family, including his mommy Elizabeth Perkins, and his two sisters

the first one being Kaley Cuoco

i just wanted to use that. The other sister is younger, adopted, and played by fireside girl ginger from phineas and ferb. Damn, another paf person!

so we learn Fred is a job hunting slacker, as this dinner with his disapproving father shows us. His whole family basically tells him to get a damn job.

You’ve all seen this scene before, so i don’t need to tell you it’s boring. His dad, played by gary cole, whom i myself know as Kim possible’s father, bitches at him to get a job. Seen it!

And when I say bitch, I mean it. I mean, Fred seems dumb, but dad is the other extreme, being a huge dick. I mean, geez!

Anyway, Eb has grown up to be a drummer, voiced by Russell brand. I’d question the Easter bunny family is brtish, but if he can be Australian…

So EB is going to the new Easter bunny now, but he doesn’t want to be the bunny due to having responsibility’s This is turning out to be a VERY clichéd movie..

he wants to a drummer, of course. Also, it me or is Russell Brand horribly miscast? EB is written like a KEWL young man, of at least 18 or 20, like a teen in a movie. But he sounds like he’s 40, and his voice doesn’t match his design at all.

EB wants to travel the world, though Mr bunny says as the bunny, he can but EB points out he doesn’t go to china. One racist family guy cutaway later, Mr. bunny still says EB should be the Easter bunny.

So this scene is about as cliché as you can get, with every line being predictable as hell. Watch: get rid of these drums and get your priorities straight!

“get rid of these drums and get your priorities straight! “

you will BE the Easter bunny

‘you will BE the Easter bunny”

see!

So of course, right away, EB sneaks off without letting all that sink in. so he uses a rabbit hole machine to go to Hollywood, where else?

Back with Fred, Kaley here tells him that she got him a job interview at her friend’s company also, she has to dog-sit for her boss, but she hates dogs, so she passes the job onto Fred.

Oh, and EB drops by the playboy mansion. You know-for kids! So he walks away with that bad gag.

So he walks off into the street..

“how could this night get any worse? Oh I see a car accident. Thank you!”

okay, that was funny.

Yep, Fred hits EB with his car…and he lives. Okay. He gets outs to see the animal he hit. EB pretends to be dead, but Fred thinks he is just knocked out, so he gets a big rock to wake him up.

Hey, I didn’t write it.

“i’m gonna end your suffering!”

oh, lovely. So of course EB reveals his true nature to him. He runs in fright, of course. But EB runs after him, cuz he wants a place to stay,

EB catches up to him and makes small talk. Fred humors him and gets him his carrots. After that though, Fred tells him to leave, but Eb tries the guilt trip act, since Fred is the one who hit him with a car.

Which means, we get that scene where Eb puts on his best “OHHH WOE IS ME” joke like every movie does. This IS getting cliché…why Is it that Shrek 3 did it better?

Of course, Fred lets him stay cuz the plot says so. He lets him stay in the garage (it’s the boss’s house btw) which EB objects to. But he forces him to sleep in there anyway, with the lights off and door closes.

Fred isn’t the best caretaker, as you can see. Nor is EB the best guest.

Back with the Easter bunny, he isn’t happy that EB is gone, but Carlos could give a damn. But he does he try to get Mr Bunny to hand the bunny torch to him, with EB gone,.though he doesn’t quite get his drift, so he just sends everyone out to find EB.

Is it me, or is every scene extremely predictable right down to every line? Good guy is gone, bad guy tries to take his place, but good guy’s dad doesn’t get it…ugh

anyway, the next morning, they do that gag where the guy THINKS EB was a dream cuz hes’ not there. Is there any point to reviewing this anymore? This is as cliché as rebound!

But of course minutes after he finds EB playing some drums. And yes, EB does, right away, fuck things up, like how he leaves the jacuzzi on. This is has all the cliches of rebound, without the fun,.

Also, EB plays rock band because product placement. So right away, without him doing any more, Fred tries to dump EB off into the wild.

That’s another problem: everyone’s reactions are so extreme. Son a slacker? YOUSUCKRAR. Won’t wanna be the easter funny? FUCKYOUDADROAR. Bunny annoying? KILLYOUBAH, I mean, geez.

EB isn’t having any of this, and wants to stay with Fred. He proves this by shitting jelly beans ….No, i’m not making that up.

EB, can shit jellybeans. Really. Because when I look at jellybeans, I want to say: “MMM, bunny shit!”

one lame gag later, he lies and tells Fred he is the easter bunny, which connects with Fred cuz of the whole “seeing his run” thing from earlier.

Wait…does this mean they are doing the liar revealed thing later? Fuck…so anyway, Fred takes him in for real. But for now, Fred must go to his job interview. Oh,, and Mr Bunny sent out a squad to find EB, and they are right in the parking lot of the job place.

So of course he runs into the building to escape them. Fred meets with the boss for the interview. He tells her that he is writing a novel with a plot that she calls out as ripping off avatar. To be fair, that movie wasn’t very original to start with,

.

it starts off fine, and it seems like he may actually get the job. But of course EB running around ruins it. EB finds a recording room with the Blind Boys of Alabama cuz…why not?

Their drummer is out, so EB pretends to be him cuz of the whole blind thing. What does this company do anyway?

Of course-

okay, am I turning into m bision?

-Fred and the boss walk by that room and it leads to Fred looking odd as he tells EB to stop. But he walks away, and EB finishes the song. But cuz they are blind, not deaf, they can tell Eb is not their drummer. though they do tell him they like him and tell EB they have a buddy that could use some new talent.

By that I mean, that suggest he audition for “Hoff knows talent”, which is hosted by, of course..

“I’m David Hasselhoff”

yeah. This movie just went in a weird direction… so anyway, later, we find out Fred’s interview got screwed up due to all this, and EB tries to explain himself. Spoilers, he fails.

meanwhile, The Easter bunny is visited by his spanish worker…wow, I just realized how weird this movie is. Wait…Spanish…labor…workers. Wow, that’s pretty racist.

It’s not just me,. Many people have noticed this so…yeah, it’s racist.

Anyway, mr bunny misses EB and feels bad for calling his dream stupid. You know, I just realized something: Fred and EB have little personality. Fred is a slacker…and that’s it. No real reason to like him outside of TRYINGHARDTOBENORMAL and shit. EB, doesn’t wanna be the easter bunny…cuz he has to work, and that’s about it,.

It’s bad enough that this is cliché, but it doesn’t EXPLAIN the cliches? Rebound would be ashamed.

So once again, Carlos tries to get Mr. Bunny to make him the easter bunny, with EB gone. Hey, wait for that search party to come back before you jump to this! And of course (TAKE A DRINK FOR EVERY TIME I SAY THAT) Mr. Bunny doesn’t get it and Carlos is rejected again.

So back to the plot, EB says he will leave Fred if he takes him to Hoff knows talent. By the way, they are sitting in a dinner and NO ONE is freaking out over the bunny with clothes TALKING. , Fred is clearly talking to this bunny, no one finds this weird?

Hell, EB asks the waitress for something and she doesn’t react. The hell?! Well okay, before Fred asked EB to not talk as people will dissect him, but this proves otherwise. …IT STILL MAKES NO SENSE!

So they go back “home”, where Kaley Cucco is waiting. He tells her that the interview went fine but he simply felt the job wasn’t for him. Typical…that’s the word of the day, isn’t it?

But the truth flows forth anyway. Oh, and at one points, kaley sees some jellybeans and eats them,. Between this and…that scene, in alvin, tim must really love shit eating!

I look forward to his adaptation of 2 girls one cup.so anyway, kaley tells him that he has to go the little sisters easter school pageant (Cuz those exist) and she leaves.

EB: is she seeing anyone?

…no comment.

So let’s get to hoff knows talent. Looks like he does, as the acts he sees are bad, and he rightfully shoos them. Though it was obvious that he knows talent, after all, he can uses his pecs to propel a sponge and starfish back in the sea1

Fred introduces EB and he plays and stuff. Hoff gives him his stamp of approval. Though once again, a drumming bunny doesn’t phase anyone. Though to be fair, Hoff has seen a sea spong-okay i’ll stop.

“Hey, you’re not surprised I’m a talking rabbit!”

EXACTLY!

“my best friend’s a talking car!”

joke kids won’t get? Check! Joke I laughed at? Check! So, it looks like EB is out of Fred’s hare. Nope, it’s not over, 53 minutes out of 90, sorrry.

Yes, 53. I skipped like 10 minutes of filler. However, that task force from earleir shows up and EB hides. The force being made of little bunnies, and called the pink Berets…okay that name is kind of clever.

So it looks like he is still with Fred, ugh. So EB spills the beans, and thankfully, there’s no moping and doping here. Of course this is the part where they connect over their bad fathers, they Fred’s dad had a good enough reasons to be how he is, as did EB’s.

But Fred still wants to dump him anyway, cuz even he wants this movie over with, and with that, he goes to the Easter play thingy.

But as it turns out, younger sister is an awful actress/singer. Oh, and also EB was hiding in Fred’s back and sees bunny shadows, thus, it must be the task force. He tries to run, which, of course, makes a big scene with Fred.

The shadows belong to kid’s in bunny outfits…which showed ears, and the pink berrets hide theirs under the hat so why did EB…oh fuck it, I don’t care.

“how did that rabbit just talk?”

now someone questions it! Fred covers it up by saying EB is a dummy, and he is doing ventriloquism.

And, of FREAKING course, EB makes a bigger scene by being himself and interrupting the play with HIS singing. And since drummers and others are somehow there, this launches into a musical number.

Why Fred doesn’t just cover EB’s mouth and throw him out, I have no idea. Nope, he just JOINS IN! Of course!

Most people are happy he upstaged a school production, except for Alex, the singing sister, and dad. They have every right to be unhappy, so I can’t exactly side with Fred, as he is an idiot. Then he tells dad he has a great job idea, but he can’t tell him about it just yet..

at home, he talks to EB. He says he told the kids he saw the Easter bunny, even though he still has the candy mr bunny left. Ew, it has to be all melty by now.

And tonight, it hit him.

“you don’t wanna be the easter bunny? I know who can replace you. …me!”

that’s…an out of nowhere idea. Which would be shocking if it WASN’T SPOILED EARLER. I mean, this is sort of odd. Just now, for no reason, he wants to be the easter bunny.

And if this does happen, does that mean EB did not have to grow, change, or accept responsibility? Just give the job to someone else? Fuck you, movie!

Wait wait, I don’t know that yet. Let’s see what happens. EB thankfully slaps him for the idea. But Fred tells him he can do it.

A mere HOUR into the movie, Carlos tells the chicks they will stage a coup. Yes, it took an hour for the villain to…start his plan. Seriously. In every good vs evil story ever made, the plan has started somehow early on.

Not here, he just acts like a dick, and asks to be the bunny and boom, take over. How lazy and out of nowhere can you get?!

Also, I know this question is out of nowhere, but why are EB and Mr. Bunny the only bunnies in this that wear clothes?

So anyway EB decides to train Fred in the ways of the easter bunny. Midway plot change, ahoy! We get a montage of both Fred and Carlos training for their goal. It wouldn’t be a 2000’s montage with a bad hip hop song, which I am sparring you from.

Oh, and Carlos is painting an egg…that has this

“a little too hot for the kids, no?”

…okay that gag alone made this movie worth it.

“there’s nothing to fear but fear itself, and this dog i’m riding on!”

don’t forget giant man eating spiders.

One montage later, Fred is pretty good at this. However, the pink berrets are peeping around, which means it’s back to juggling two lame plot ones in one scene!

Meaning, the hoff knows talent bus shows up and EB jumps in. the pink Berrets go in the house and find a decoy of EB…in a cooking pot. So thus, they think Fred killed him.

HOP: the kid’s film that references murder!

So fred is captured and taken to Easter island. He is met with the angry faces of not the chicks, bunnies, and Mr. Bunny himself. They see that EB is “dead” and mr bunny gets depressed. But of course, that just means Carlos can try and step up.

He is rejected, so thus starts his a coup d’état. He traps the other bunnies, and announces his evil plan.

“you’ve been my number 2 for years!”

“i am sick of doing number 2”

shit jokes, yay!

The chicks takes Mr. Bunny away, as we cut to EB getting ready for the hoff knows talent live show. A guy comes in and tells him he is wanted on stage and seems weirded out.

That guy, is played by Russel brand Okay, that’s kind of funny. Also, EB feels guilty about leaving Fred, though it’s not like he knew Fred was in trouble or anything. So why is he a jerk, again?

“ I left him in a house full of highly trained ninja bunnies”

oh.

he tells Hoff about his problem and hoff simply says go to him. Well, at least the cliché was short. He goes home only to find the place empty.

He quickly figures out what is going on, and heads to the easter island, as carlos is getting ready to boil Fred and Mr. Bunny alive. Gee, that’s …dark.

Also, the treatment of Carlos is a bit unfair. If you twist the movie a bit, he could have been the main guy, as he feels he is treated unfairly as the 2^nd in command. So if you re-write the movie a bit, it could make him the HERO but as it is, it feels like he’s evil…cuz he just is.

So Carlos steals the “egg of destiny” (really a big stick Mr. bunny has) which he holds in the center of the room so he fully become the Easter bunny. EB and Fred escape quickly and now they must stop the evil Hank Azaria.

He takes the power and..

he becomes a bunny chick. So the Easter ruler MUST be a bunny, eh? Yeah i’ll ignore the implications THERE.

This doesn’t stop Carlos from having a battle with EB, though. And of course EB…gets his ass handed to him.

Then Carlos dtries to lead the Egg Sleigh out with Phil (partner) directing with light up wands. To stop the launch, E.B. improvises a drum session. Oh, cleverly working in the drumming to save the day…weak.

This makes phill dance, and thus give the wrong directions. This causes a crash, and Carlos is subdued. That was..easy,.

Well, if it gets the movie finished quicker, i’m game. EB and Mr. Bunny hug, and bunny apologizes for what happened. He even thanks Fred cuz he helped Mr. Bunny escape his trap.

EB says he is now ready to be the Easter Bunny. After all, he can drum and be the easter bunny too…somehow. But of course, EB asks Mr. Bunny to make Fred a co-easter bunny along with EB and Mr. Bunny.

Fred’s random dream is made. So what did Fred learn…don’t slack? I don’t know, he was such a poorly written character, I don’t know what his deal was.

The other chicks are now not evil..cuz why not? EB and Fred go deliver Easter to the children. Later, Fred is with his family, now a hard working man.

Oh, and they know about the Easter bunny thing, and the dad only makes jokes about how he’s trying to cope with it. Yeah, they don’t know show their reactions, or anything, they just cut to them somehow knowing now.

EB shows up in the Easter sleigh, and Fred gets ready to leave. But Dad then says he is finally proud of Fred. With that rushes scene, Fred leaves.

“Happy easter to all and to all…mid to late morning”

okay, that was funny.

Also, Carlos is driving the sleigh like a reindeer…and he is still part bunny. Why? Eh, who cares, the credits are rolling.

Oh, but in the stinger, Fred and EB go to china to deliver a basket. Cuz the racism was so funny the first time.

Final Thoughts:

This is an odd one to judge. On one hand, it’s not…terrible, nor is it painful in any way. It’s mostly harmless. On the other hand, the cliches are not done well at all, the characters are really dull, and most of the human actors look bored, and getting kaley cucco is pointless, but it gave me an excuse to look up a hot pic of her..]

Granted, the animation is very impressive, as is some of the voice acting, mostly from Hank Azaria, who is kind of fun when he’s not racist. Sure, Russel Brand is miscast, but he gets some good lines.

This could have been an easy write off as a very forgettable, generic kid’s flick. However, it dares to piss me off by adding racist stuff, pointless live action parts, and worst of all, bad cliches.

I’ve seen cliched film before, but most of those give weight to them, and explain why the characters are doing what they are doing. But not this movie. Not only can every line be predicted, but no eight is given to the cliches, making every scene feel more hollow than the entirety of Rebound.

it gives Fred no traits we can sympathize with, trying instead for an Everyman. But the fact that the film’s plot requires him to be the Outsider leads for huge Unfortunate Implications . Need I mention the racist undertones again?

The movie starts off fine, but as soon as we go to the present, we find out EB has no personality outside of wanting to drum, and it ends up beign worse than a simple kid’s flick. Granted, at times it’s fun, and I didn’t hate the jokes, for the most part.

But it does nothing for Easter, instead making it a rip off of christmas, and just gives us cliché after cliché, with little to no substance. Maybe if it was ENTIRELY animated, it would have been better. But nope, chipmunks director HAD to put live action in it.

By the way, I rarely see racism or sexism in movies, infact , I HATE it when people call movies racist/sexist without any backing, (you know who you are)  but I got that idea here. The idea of a chick taking over makes mr bunny laugh, and as we saw, it is possible so Mr. bunny is a douche, and so carlos IS the good guy here. But he’s’ evil..cuz he is.

Again, not a horrible movie, but it almost becomes awful due to all of this. Yet, it isn’t due to it not being all that painful. Overall, it’s a painfully disappointing forgettable mess. Hopefully, the next real Easter movie is a lot better.

Grade: D-

Hey, next month is April! you know what that means! 

….no, DCOM Month is later. No it’s…

TOON’D OUT MONTH 2!

See ya.