Jason X

jason_x

I’m not sure what bothers me more about this poster. The fact that it spoils the ending or that it promises something that doesn’t happen until the end.

Hello, Spongey here!

Happy 2017 everyone! Yep, it’s finally time for a new for the reviews. This will be an odd year as it will be my first full year of not doing schedule scene by scene reviews. I’ll still do a few, and heck I may do at least one a month, although I have the right to skip a month.

I have crazy plans for this year, even in the big reviews but we’ll get to those as we get to them. So what what will I ring in the new year with? A Friday the 13th Review!

…Yeah, I figured I’d make up for skipping it last Friday the 13th. This time I recorded one off TV back in October so I’d have one to review. I’ll do this for all future Friday the 13th Reviews at least until I bump into a DVD of the ones I haven’t done, which I somehow have not, and I drop by Walmart and Target regularly these days.

The number of ones we have left is wittingly down so my choices are being slimmer, but I knew exactly what to do for this one. One that seems stand alone-ish that is ripe for riffing. The one where he goes to space!

Yeah, Jason had to jump the shark eventually.

This was the 10th film in the franchise, hence the title, and was suggested to the studio in order to keep Jason revealnt while Freddy vs Jason was stuck in development. So yes, this was movie was basically filler.

Which is amusing because this had the biggest budget for the franchise up to that point, being a sort of Sci Fi film and all that. It was sadly a flop and critics as usual didn’t care for it. But of course, it has it’s following of people who enjoy it so the camp value, although I think it is seen as a weaker installment.

The premise alone was enough to get me interested in it, so let’s see what fun I can have with it. I didn’t watch the film beforehand like I’ve been doing, because eh, I think it’s more fun with this movies if I go into them blind.

The director has done nothing of note, and the writer went on to do Drive Angry 3D. Haven’t seen it so I can’t comment. With that said, let’s how many sharks Jason can jump in space.

This, is Jason X

After 3 minutes of logos and opening credits, the movie opens with Jason held up at the Chrystal Lake Research Facility. I guess they figured there’s no point in kill him anymore, but Jason must have lost his mojo to get captured like this and not have escaped yet,.

This business government dude or whoever he is wants to transport Jason to some other place to look into his ability to come back to life so much and this woman tells him just how stupid that is. Well, at least someone has common sense, too bad it’s not the person with the power.

But of course, before they ca take Jason, he escapes and kills some people. If he could do that so easily, why didn’t he do that before? Either way, those idiots got what they deserved. Thankfully, the smart woman escapes and actually manages to trap him in cryogenic pod.

I don’t think I can handle having an intelligent badass in a Sci Fi Jason Movie.

Jason isn’t going down with a fight though and manages to stab her before he gets frozen but she gets frozen too before the damage can kill her, thus freezing them both, That’s less smart but it’s no ones fault so okay.

Also, insert very obvious joke about them being Frozen Today here.

Sometime later, I’m assuming many years, a bunch of people find the place. And we find out that previous scene was in the future too…the far off year of 2010. I don’t get it ,if the movie is about going to the future, why set the first scene in….the future and not the present?

Then again it’s the past to me now but shut up.

Because they are stupid, they open up the pod and find Jason. You know this is really far in the future when they don’t know what a hockey mask is. Eh, I can buy that because I’m not familiar with stuff that was probably more common in the 15th Century or whatever.

One person does know and says Hockey was Outlawed in 2024. I should have a joke for that but I don’t. They find the woman and because movie, they say they can possibly wake her up or bring her back to life, or whatever. It’s a Jason Sci Fi Movie, there’s going to be very improbably things in it.

They take Jason and the Woman back to their ship that they came in and they blast off. Some other people on the ship are told of their find, including the woman. His reaction is…uh…creepy.

She’s cute”

And single”

Ew.

Heh heh eh-I’m so Lonely”

…Okay, that’s funny.

While all this is going on, we get a bit of a taste of the victims, also known as the characters. One is a stoner, and the others are…just jerks, I don’t know.

I’m bitchy as hell when I wake up”?

Did you just wake up?”

Haw haw haw.

The females are naturally unnecessarily skimpily dressed despite the environment, of course. Also, at one point one woman suggests Jason is “hung like a mammoth”, Thanks for that image.

They manage to wake up/regenerate the woman who of course is in a bit of a shock especially when she’s told she’s in the year 2455.

That’s over 400 years’

Yes, we can do math ourselves, thank you.

This head guy tells this other head guy about the woman, in hopes they can make money off her. But he tells him, and us, that this kind of thing is common and the only difference is that she’s a bit older.

…Damn, I want Money”

I don’t know why, but I love that. It’s like the movie itself shoots down his plan before anything can happen. They find Jason to be more interesting, because they not only still remember Jason 400 years later, but can recognize him easily.

They figure they can make money off Jason.

You are one son of a bitch”

Soon to be one rich son of a bitch”

Heh. But chuckled too son becase right after, this woman comes in and says “we have to talk about my midterm” while holding some objects that I don’t feel like describing. Uh….moving on.

After a quick bit with Jason…we rejoin the head guy and that woman and their….playtime. …Okay, the joke was way funnier when it was all just implied.

Daddy wants it harder?”

.Okay, have I turned on the porn version by mistake?

We then cut to two of the disposable student people having “fun”. Okay, I made my porn comment too early. At the same time, Jason gets up because of course he does. He grabs this girl and dunks her head in this stuff that freezes her face, and then he smashes her face on a thing which break her head in two.

Awesome. Now we’re getting somewhere!

Back with The Woman (You know the drill, dumb nickname before the real name is mentioned), we find out they are going to Earth 2 as our Earth became too polluted because of course it did.

She tells the head guy her backstory, and wonders how she can repay him for pretty much bringing her back to life. He says he’ll think of something while putting on a face that scares me for reasons you can imagine.

After finding out the woman’s name (Rowan), we find out one of the people on here is a robot/cyborg person because it’s not the future without one. But enough of that interesting bit, back to Jason.

Rowan is told that he’s here and they think he’s dead, but given his history, she isn’t buying it at all. Wow, even now she’s still somewhat smart.

Sure enough, they see that he’s body isn’t there and at the same time, Jason kills some random dude.

Then we cut to these two guys walking around the ship as they bump into a really terrible CGI monster thing. It’s part of some the game the stoner guy is playing. I don’t get it but at least Jason shows up.

I think we need to reboot”

Give it two more movies.

Jason kills him but it turns out he didn’t as they were jacked into some Vr…thing…which Jason somehow got into. This movie is more confusing and jumbled than I thought it would be.

Up to this point, we had a ton of small things going on until they remembered this is Jason in Space, so now we got Alien but with Jason.

Jason kills this other guy and the stoner while the others get serious about taking down Jason. Now this is actually getting enjoyable, with Jason killing people and everyone trying to take him down. I like the Sci Fi Horror Aspect going on, now that it’s taking affect.

The next few minutes actually get fairly serious as they try to find Jason in this dark ship, and Jason starts killing more people. It’s not unlike any Alien Rip Off you’ve seen but it’s pretty effective, surprsingly. I barely had anything to say during this part because I was kind of interested.

It does get dumb when they think you have Jason once and for all, and this guy gets all cocky about it, making it pretty obvious that Jason’s gonna get up and kill him. But ah well. But it is soon followed by an amusing moment where Jason stabs this big badass dude.

It’s gonna take more than a poke in the ribs to take down this old dog”

Jason stabs him further.

…Yep, that outta do it”

Pfft.

Now all the guys they sent in to take down Jason are dead, making the situation more dire. Jason killing the pilot doesn’t make things any better. Yeah, this is still decently done with how this plays out, even if Rowan is the only character I even come close to caring about.

Because the universe hates them, the ship crashes into the station they were supposed to be docking into, and it blows up. Then Jason breaks into the room the main characters are in! Geez, they really can’t catch a break if all this happens within 10 minutes or so,.

Jason corners Lowe, the head guy and kills him…but we don’t see that and only hear his scream. Oh come on, he was pretty much the main villain aside from Jason with how slimy he was, and we don’t even see him die?

Oh, and this makes him mostly useless, so yay.

By the way, since I’m watching this off TV, the swearing is hilariously censored. It’s the kind where they just remove the words, which is awkward. The captions I have just say [Deleted] which is even funnier.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, this one guy is making out with the android….because they forgot to give her a point. Rowan finds that big badass dude Jason killed and it turned out he’s alive, making that joke I liked pointless.

Jason corners them and then some dude pops up,

Hey, Slappy!”

Insert Obvious Reference Here.

The Android Woman pops up, having been given an upgrade to make her a hot badass…and then Jason kills her right away. Now that’s a funny subversion…but then they ruin it by having it turns out she was faking and she blasts him.

Big Badass Dude pops up, having gotten better I guess given he could barely walk before, and Jason overpowers him. You already did this gag literally just a couple minutes ago!

Discount Android Ripley takes out Jason but we’ve got quite a bit left so he’s not dead. They leave without even double checking and send a distress call which is answered fairly quickly by a patrol shuttle which will come soon. Then to the surprise of no one, Jason gets up.

Actually, no. he is flat out brought back to life by some crap I can’t even begin to describe or care about. It’s dumb enough when this happens between movies like in Part 8, but does it have to happen during the movie? Just feels like padding with it’s execution.

But that’s not all, he is brought back to life as a freaking Cyborg that looks like something out of Power Rangers. He quickly takes care of the android. Well, I hope you enjoyed her 5 minutes of being important. But seriously, Cyborg Jason Vs an Android should have been more epic.

The Patrol Shuttle arrives but they can’t a door open so that badass dude has to take a space walk to fix that. Meanwhile, to distract Jason they create a holographic simulation of Crystal Lake, because why not.

Also, the Android is still alive, she’s just headless now. Again, why not.

Instead of questioning this, Jason takes advantage of a chance to kill a fake girl in a sleep bag, with another fake girl in a sleeping bag. Eh, at least that was a funny pay off. He catches on soon after and escapes which makes that pointless, but it was an okay distraction I suppose.

Brodski, that badass dude, goes up against Jason and they both fall out into the crappy green screen they call space. And that’s the end of Jason for now. Yes, after all that something very quick and rather anti climatic gets rid of him, and they don’t make a deal out of Brokski dying,

Weak.

Jason and Brodski fall towards Earth 2 land in a lake, as we get a shot of his Cyborg mask floating. The end. ….Yep, a bad abrupt ending. Not the worst but a weaker one for sure. It just kind of…stops RIGHT after Jason dies with no real fanfare, or again, anyone caring about one of their friends dying.

Ah well, let’s just wrap this up.

Final Thoughts:

This one was…alright. A bit better than I thought it would be, but also slightly weaker. I mean, it does mostly deliver on what it promises. I say mostly because it is a bit more low key than what you may expect, until the third act with all the cyborg stuff. Maybe they could have gone even crazier, but I don’t mind they approach.

The best parts of the film are oddly in the middle, when it really embraces the Sci Fi Horror Aspect. Sure, it’s nothing new to the genre, but just having Jason there makes it neat. There’s some decent suspense and it is a neat genre shift for what it is.

Everything else is a bit eh. As you expect, most of the characters are boring and even the best one becomes less interesting and cool in the 2nd half. The attempts to be funny are hit or miss, and as I said, the ending is really rushed.

The kills are kind of typical, with a couple exceptions. My feelings changed quite a bit during this, from kind of enjoying for the Sci Fi Horror Aspect and silly-ness to finding it just kind of okay with the weak aspects and certain wasted opportunities.

Which balances out to being…alright. It has enough of what I expected to be passable, but wasn’t quite enough to be called fully satisfying. If you just want to see Jason running around in space, and can tolerate certain issues, you’ll enjoy this. If you’re a fan of the dumber aspects of the series, of course. Anyone who finds the very idea stupid should steer clear. Fans should find this okay but I’d get it if you didn’t find this to be the best entry.

As for me, I think it was an alright one. I don’t regret watching it, but I don’t see myself coming back to it compared to some of the better entries. Still, it was fun to make fun of and was an okay start ot the year.

Grade: C+

Hopefully I’ll be able to cover another one this October. There shall be another Scene by Scene review this month to celebrate a special occasion. I won’t even hint at it, but trust me it’s…something.

See ya.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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