That’s My Boy

215px-That's_My_Boy_poster

A child can write a better script

Hello, Spongey here.

Well, it’s time. Back in December, I said after June, I will no longer be doing weekly reviews. Once again, I am in no way quitting. I’m just now doing reviews when I feel like it. I’ll say more at the end of this month, I just needed to say that.

For my last big month of play by play reviews, I thought it would do something specials. I’ve done many reviews, but a few subjects have appeared more than once, to the point where I am kind of known for doing them in a way.

So why not celebrate that? All 5 Reviews this month will tie in to types of reviews I tend to do. If you’ve been paying attention, you know which ones I’ll do. Because I want to get the likely worst out of the way, let’s begin with Adam Sandler.

Oh joy. When I reviewed Jack & Jill way back when, I didn’t expect him to become so huge on here. I just find him to be so interesting, in how he can change so much even with his bad ones.

He just seems to get mostly worse as time goes on, even with bits of hope. He’s sometimes tried to do something a bit different, but he still falls back on old tropes, like with Pixels.

And now he’s on Netflix, with the as of this writing unreleased The Do-Over being his only film for this year, at least at the moment. I seriously hope one of these Netflix movies ends up being good, because I really don’t want this to be the end.

I’ve managed to take out of most of his filmography that people care about, but a few still remained. But of this, I only wanted to do today’s subject. Mostly because it was the only “bad” one I had yet to review.

I would have done Pixels if NC didn’t basically say what I needed to and I don’t care about Ridiculous Six enough to do it. So we’re stuck with this.

Released in 2012, this got the usual terrible reviews, with a few Razzie noms, and only winning Worst Screenplay. It did get a Worst Picture norm, but it lost to Twilight. To quote the Cinema Snob…whatever he said about that, I don’t remember.

It has a 20 Percent on RT, which is…higher than Pixels. Okay, I’ve only clips of this thing, and I call fucking bullshit. The rating is also higher than Blended, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Not sure how to feel about that. Now I have a review of it, so I do recall most of what happens. But hopefully I can still be shocked by it. This does has a few more fans than some other hated Sandler films, despite the haters calling it worse.

This should be…fun. As for our crew, the director went on to do Daddy’s Home, and the writer has done nothing. At least it’s not Dennis Dugan.

Let’s just dive in and see just how low Sandler can go this time.

This, is That’s My Boy

The movie opens at a school in 1984 where we meet a Young Version of our lead, Donny. Have you notice a lot of bad comedies start with kids? Good Luck Chuck, Miss March, heck even other Sandler films like Pixels.

I’m just not into girls anymore”

Dude, I’m into Guys too!”

A gay joke, and it’s only at the 58 second mark. That is…an amazing new feat, I must say.

I’m into women”

Said Woman is his history, the sight of which makes him cover his lower parts with how lunchbox. Lovely. A crush on a teacher is sometimes cute but you just made it creepy. He even pretty much point blank asks her out to a concert in the douch-y-est way possible.

Congratulations, I already hate your main character and he’s not even supposed to be dead beat Dad yet.

The Teacher thankfully has none of this and gives him detention. Hopefully things will get less awkward.

‘I’ve been watching you all year Donny….That was so Hot”

Is this really happening?”

…My sentiments exactly. Please tell me if this a dream or weird prank. She takes him in the back and…you can guess what happens there. So uh..I’ve been told this is actually happening and in fact starts the plot of the film.

…Do I need to explain why it’s messed up and not at all funny? I mean, at least both parties consented so it’s not Rape but it’s still pretty illegal and ew. Maybe they’ll properly call them out or something, because this does happen oddly enough, so it’s not a totally made up Sandler product.

We then get a lovely mini Montage of their fling and we cut to some guy giving a speech on stage. Then it turns out Donny and the teacher are fucking behind the curtain.

Okay, they should know that this is a terrible idea, as it would be very easy to get caught, like they do here!

Then….everyone cheers for Donny. The kid I get as they don’t any better but…the teachers too? Pedophilla isn’t exactly to cheer for!

He is at least punished and they are taken to court to settle this, where it turns out Donny knocked her up. Oh,this just gets better and better!

The teacher is given a 30 year sentence in Jail for fucking a boy while Donny’s Father gets custody of the kid. That’s almost fair, but I’d honestly give the kid to some kind of foster home or something like no one here actually wants the kid. Donny is a flake, Teacher is in jail, and Donny’s Dad is an asshole who we see hitting his son.

Yes, add child abuse to the list of horrible things in this movie, it’s gonna grow, trust me. Oh, and Donny gets the kid once he’s 18, even though at this point he won’t be fit when that happens.

That’s just fucking mental”

Agreed.

We then get our opening credits, which also happens to be a getting famous montage. Yes, screwing a teacher (who was just really screwing him to begin with) is enough to be world famous. Most people are not disgusted that he knocked her up like they should be.

He even gets a freaking TV Movie deal, where he’s played the main guy from Sharknado. His casting choices are the least of his problems.

I’m a reminded of a South Park episode with a similar premise, but you know the difference? For one, South Park exists in a crazy world where this can happen and it’s all a big satire of events like this.

Basically, it’s attacking the people who get into these situations, as the creators were just confused on how this happens. It was all a big joke, pretty much. I think they were trying to do the same here, but so far it’s not coming across.

But we’ll see, as we cut to present day as Donny is exactly how you would expect him to be. He’s played by Adam Sandler, so of course his whole life has gone to shit. His lawyer tells him that he owes 43 Grand to the IRS.

We find out that Donny’s Son moved when he turned 18, for reasons that should be obvious. We join him as we see he has grown up to be Andy Samberg, and he is getting married to Jamie Martin, played by Leighton Meester.

Yeah, he become a success after dropping his dead beat Dad who named him Han Solo. We are given no reason to like Donny so far, mostly due to Sandler putting on another dumb voice. Can’t wait to spend over 90 minutes with that.

Back with Donny we see his spends his days at strip club with Nick Swadsen, oh this still gets better and better. It’s not even a good one, as he is talking a fat black stripping because lolfatpeoplearefunny.

Todd is conveniently successful enough for his marriage to be put on an article that you can find in a strip club, so Donny can find out about what has happened to him. And again we randomly cut to Todd as he is at his Boss’s house in Cape Cod, where he plans to get married.

After awkward talk, Jamie’s brother Chad pops up. He’s the over protective type, which just makes Todd’s situation better. These Todd scenes can be an awkward Comedy on their own, I can only imagine what’ll happen once Donny appears.

Back with Donny, he goes to a TV Station where he bumps into Vanilla Ice. I’m…not sure what to say that, another then I now have a Ninja Turtles tie in!

This scene is weird, but easily the funniest part due to concept alone. It is pointless for the time being, though. After that, Donny gets a meeting with TV Producer Randall Morgan, played by Dan Patrick.

They strike a deal where he’ll give Donny the money he needs if he gets a reunion with Todd and the teacher. Okay, so Donny will show up at Todd’s Wedding, lie to him about his reasoning for being there, and it’ll be a whole big cliché and painful thing, am I in the ball park?

After a quick Todd bit, Donny shows at his doorstep, let the pain commence. He has on the most annoying voice possible here, so I was not kidding when I said pain. Donny claims to be Todd’s best friend and just rambles on and on.

He at least tries to be nice to the people there, which is likely the filmmakers excuse to allow him to be so annoying. And hey, Todd claimed that his Dad died, so he’s not innocent either. Yes, I would separate myself from Sandler too but his method was a bit extreme,

But of course, Donny comes across as worse because he’s currently lying to his son about his reasoning for being there.

What the fuck did I do to make you hate me so much?’

This movie likes to exploit it’s R Rating. Also, do you want the full list?

You were basically the worst parent ever”

The stuff he says after that sentence pretty much confirms that Donny is unlikable. He doesn’t even have remorse so far, so yeah, why should I like him?

I don’t have any Axe Body spray, because I’m not a fucking douchebag”/

That was…kind of funny.

But yeah, despite all this, Todd is pretty much stuck with him for the time being. Donny walks around and seems to be a hit with the other people, likely so Todd can look like a dick when he calls him out for his terrible-ness. Man, this thing is predictable on top of everything else.

Now, they do find out that Donny is the kid who knocked up the teacher but of course have no idea Todd is his kid. Donny says that his son became a dick, which makes him so much more likable.

Do you want think you would ever-”

Bone your wife?”

We’re supposed to like him. Remember that.

Just so Todd can be humiliated further, Donny is made into the new Best Man. Pretty sure Todd should make that choice, but okay. Then they play baseball, where Todd gets hurt because Comedy. This scene is pointless by the way, even more so than other bits I have been skipping.

Later, Donny talks to Todd while he’s in the shower so he can be a dick some more. We also find out Donny gave Todd an embarrassing back tattoo. Hey, if you want us to like Donny at all, stop doing crap like that.

I thought that was funny”

It’s not”

This movie in a nutshell.

Donny starts tickling him for fun and he ends up on top of him with dick right in Todd’s face. Ugh. Jamie’s brother comes in and Todd just says they were wrestling. He mentions that he happens to be a champion, so Donny says Todd won so that the brother will fight him.

Once again, a film is so concerned with making as many “jokes” as possible that it forgets it is now impossible to like a character.

How am I the fucking bad guy?”

Again, do you want the full list?

Donny knocks out Chad and Todd goes back to wife, and looks a book about Donny’s life that I guess he wrote, which has a message saying he misses his son. You know the drill, you can’t do this right after a scene of him being an asshole.

This is followed by a scene of Donny looking for something to fap to. See the problem here? He can’t find nay reading materiel, so he just uses a picture of Jamie’s Grandmother when she was younger.

…has this guy ever heard of the internet? Or his imagination?

Let’s just…,move on before I get sick. The next morning, Grandma finds a ton of tissues in Donny’s bed. …Too late. This scene goes on but we’re skipping, before I get sicker.

They go to church and meet father McNally, played by James Caan. Yay, Sandler takes down another respectable person. Todd ends up telling him the fake story of his father died, and remarks that he deserved it, which offends him.

Todd almost deserves it but it’s still pretty contrived. For…pretty much no reason, he insults NcNally which results in him starting a fight. I hope he likes getting fired for that. Also ,this is stupid.

That’s My Boy!”

It doesn’t deserve the joke.

Also, this is a bit like that part in Happy Gilmore. Because Sandler is just out of ideas at this point. I give them credit for kind of putting Todd in the wrong correctly, but it makes no sense. Also, Donny says it’s his fault, and while I like that he takes responsibility, it’s not his fault.

Todd insulted him, and McNally acted like an asshole in return. Donny egged him on but there was gonna be a curb stomp battle either way. At least Jamie knows what Todd did was dumb, and not good.

So overall, this is scene is dumb because of how contrived it is, even if they get some elements right. I will give Donny credit for actually standing up for Todd, and explaining why he acted like that. It’s a fake story so we won’t know whyTodd randomly insulted him.

Without the church, they decided to have an outside wedding. That scene only existed so the big wedding can be a funnier location which…is sadly, not the dumbest reason for a scene to exist.

Then we have Bachelor party, which is bound to go badly. Naturally, they go a spa, where we still get crude jokes.

Tastes like fucking dick infused with balls”

Donny decides to be a dick, because they want me to take back my credit. He says they should actually go out, and they do, which will end very well. Well, it actually does as they do have some fun, for once.

Okay, so Donny was right that one time, and all their pals head home safely. He also gives him an Earring as a Wedding Present. He didn’t give it to Jamie because Comedy. Todd doesn’t have a pierced ear so they fix that…right there. Instead of going to a professional. Bah.

After that, Donny goes to apologize to Vanilla Ice, because that plot point totally needed resolution. He even tags along with them for a montage! It almost works for the film until they start harassing random people for the sake of “fun’.

Cant’ go too long without making make me hate Donny, can you?

This whole bit goes on for way too long, too and isnt’ very funny once they start becoming assholes. But at least they are bonding, I guess?

They head home, and Donny has sex with Grandma. ….I made a choice, and I must live with it. Then a drunk Todd cums and barfs on Jamie’s wedding dress. …I said that too soon.

‘You puked on my dress and then fucked it!”

Remember, this is Donny’s fault. He thought Todd getting wasted was a good idea. Jamie is pissed but they try to move on like nothing happened. Because we all need to forget that shit happened.

Later on, things start to get better, until Todd says he’s going to visit the teacher, whose name I don’t want to remember. This is bad, because I guess the seret will get it. Oh yeah, forget the liar revealed shit.

They arrive and we finally meet the teacher again, who is now played by Susan Sarandon. Conveniently, this happens right when the TV Reunion thing is supposed to take place. Todd finds out Donny only did for money, but this after he changed his mind, so it’s all dramatic and yada yada yada, no one cares.

This so cliché, and nothing is funny enough to make it interesting. It hits every tired beat, down to Todd forgetting he had actual fun with his Dad which would show he’s being truthful right now.

I hate you Dad”

We mostly have reason to agree with him, so I don’t feel too bad for Donny. I mean, they try to make him okay but it feels forced. And of course we get the really boring part where everyone gets sad, but I don’t give a shit.

Back at home, Donny overhears Jamie talking on the phone to someone, thinking she is cheating on him. At this point, it could be either a fake out or true. Will be lame either way. Todd certainly doesn’t buy it when Donny tells him about it.

Then Jamie pops up and says she was talking to some other person, and calls Donny an idiot. Well, that was pointless. Maybe if there was minor hints of her cheating that lead to this, it would matter a bit more.

After that, Donny figures he needs Jamie’s trust for whatever reason and goes to give her ice cream. She’s in a hotel because of the whole “bride and groom can’t sleep together before the wedding” thing.

He goes to her room and hear her having sex with someone. Well ,crap, that bit had a point after all. He gets inside and sees she is sleeping with….her….brother.

Insert every single clip of vomiting ever put on film here. WHAT THE FUCK?! I would be even more disgusted if I didn’t hear of this bit already. Chad tries to cover it up by saying this is all for fun and they would stop once she gets married…but my god, it’s still so very wrong.

At least Fresh Heir mostly just teased this crap.

Donny is going to do something good for once and tell on them, especially once he snaps a picture of them (with them not trying to stop him for some reason). But…then Jamie offers him the money he needs in exchange for not telling Todd…and he takes it.

…The writers had a pact, where every time Donny almost seems likable, h has to do something awful to make up for it. That’s the only explanation!

To be fair, he does have issues with doing this, and seems to regret it. But if he truly felt bad, why accept it in the first place?!

He eventually changes his mind, but it’s so damn quick that it only exists for the obligatory “Get to the wedding to stop it” scene. It eventually being set to Ice Ice Baby is…actually kind of funny.

He arrives and the guy who knocked up his teacher gives a speech about true love. He should have lead with the incest but okay. Todd finally admits that Donny is his father and Jamie’s secret is revealed as well in another bit that goes on too long.

You fuck your brother?!”

He takes it well.

Todd lets loose and just becomes an asshole, fully becoming Han Solo Berger. After this, I want you to end up like he did. …Okay, that’s harsh, Donny needs to suffer that fate.

Jamie and Chad are knocked out and everyone celebrates because this is supposed to be happy. They even celebrate at the strip club, where it’s hinted Todd likes this one chick who works there. It wasn’t supposed to a real romance so I’ll let this slide.

Todd offers to give him the money, but he thinks it’s time to take responsibility. Good, I was worried the happy ending would be Todd stopping to an asshole’s level. But you see, at the start, the Lawyer bet on this fat kid in a race to get the money, and everything Donny did was a back up plan.

And against all odds, the fat guy wins, meaning Donny gets his money. Yeah, gives a fuck about actually accepting responsibility when you have dumb luck?! And who cares about goo endings when it can literally just stop and roll the credits right here?

Whatever, this ending sucks. Donny ends up learning nothing and Todd becoming a dick is a happy ending, shooting down any good bits this movie had. That was 108 minutes by the way, but it felt like so much longer.

We’re done.

Final Thoughts:

I’m not sure how this would rank with the worst of Sandler, but it’s gotta be up there, at least on par with Just Go With It. Admittedly, there are positives. They almost try to make Donny passable, most of the acting is fine, and Vanilla Ice was actually pretty funny.

But man, do they screw up all of those good parts eventually. First off, Adam Sandler is really annoying this. He puts on this dumb voice so it’s hard to connect with his character at all. It’s not quite as as The Waterboy or Jack and Jill but his voice is still annoying.

And while Andy Samberg isn’t the worst, he doesn’t fit too well with this kind of character, so he’s a bit too awkward sometimes, The Comedy is of course too low brow and the plot is all over the place.

But there are too major problems that matter. First is the…nature of the humor. There’s crude humor, then there is basing your plot around pedophilia and incest. These can be funny, like everything, but they barely even try.

They just put them there and expect us to laugh. The execution makes it more creepy than anything else. It’s another movie that thinks gross is somehow funny.

Then there’s Donny. As I keep, he’s an asshole and just a terrible father. That is the point but it’s still cruel and not funny. I skipped over example like how Todd is a diabetic thanks to all the crap Donny let him eat.

Every time he becomes tolerable, they make him do something bad to make up for it. In the end, he doesn’t even have to accept responsibility, as money just falls in his lap. What a load. And also, it’s too long.

At 108 minutes, some parts go on too long. It could have been 90 or so minutes and not lost anything important.

This thing was just a mess. If it more of a story about accepting responsibility and the like, maybe we could have had something in spite of the crass humor, but instead it’s just…bad, with disgusting humor, a weak story, and a very annoying protagonist who learns nothing.

Seriously Sandler, get better. For step forward, you make two steps back. I really hope The Do Over is good. Hey, a man can dream. I’ve got nothing to say, this movie is bad.

Grade: D

Next time, we look at something less creepy…even if that shouldn’t be the case.

See ya.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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