The Nightman Cometh

GOLDY enters stage right, stopping front center, BARON following behind.

GOLDY

    Ahem. Hi, I’m Goldy “Pinhead Pierre” Ferretmeat. You may remember me from such Spongey444 posts as “every single one with a title card” and “A Look at my Screw-Ups”. And this is my sidekick, Baron von Blanc.

BARON

    Indeed.

GOLDY

    And today, on this fine April — April? April. April Fools. Yes, you’re suddenly realizing what’s going on, aren’t you. On this fine day, Baron and I bring you:

GOLDY and BARON

    The Nightman Cometh!

A Taste of Spongey Presents: Goldy and Baron present: Charlie Kelly presents: The Nightman Cometh: A Musical: A Musical

Music flows out of seemingly nowhere.

GOLDY

    They say it’s always sunny

    But the Nightman disagrees

    While the show itself was funny

    It was a little dark, geeze.

BARON

    I guess that’s the namesake

    Nighttime is quite dark

    For those of us with poor eyes’ sake

    I wish they’d turn off the dark

GOLDY

    …B-baron, no, I meant… I meant dark, like, edgy… it… the lighting was fine… R-right, right, well, uh, where was I…

Well, Baron, I’d say

    I thoroughly enjoyed it

    What’d you think of the play?

BARON

    I wish that we’d avoid it.

GOLDY

    So, Baron, do you think

    We start the play-by-play?

    That’s how Spongey does his thing

    We gotta do it by his say

BARON

    Of course, Goldy, let’s begin

    On this fine April Fools

    Describe this horrid den of sin

    Made by utter tools

GOLDY

    So it starts with heavily implied pedophilia? Or at least that’s my understanding. “Little boy, tiny boy, baby boy”, “That boy inside of you”

BARON

    I believe that’s the only interpretation. Then the music stopped and the song seemed to be done, and yet, the… what was she, some sort of… bird princess?

GOLDY

    I don’t know, man, something like that. Anyway, yeah, I remember, the bird princess kept singing without music and tried to affirm that she is not a pedophile? I don’t think they chose the right actor for this role because she goes on to describe how people find her attractive. I hate to say it, but, she looks like a bird.

BARON

    I will say one thing, the effects are decent. Did you see the cat eyes on that Nightman fellow? And that winged eyeliner, now that was on fleek.

GOLDY

    Baron, I will literally pay you to not attempt to be hip with the kids.

BARON

    Are we forgetting I attended a rave last weekend?

GOLDY

    …That is literally part of the problem. We’re getting off-track here. I feel like we need to start the second song already.

So the Nightman breaks in

    And meets with the Troll

    While the little boy’s sleepin’

    Nightman pays the toll

BARON

    He slips into that boy’s hole

    After a display of martial arts

    There’s a blanket thrown by the troll

    And what’s next is left in the dark

GOLDY

    If there had to be a rape scene

    I guess that’s how it’s done

    But really uncomfortable, it seemed

    I wasn’t having fun

 

    But then the boy fights back at the Troll

    And the boy turns into a man

    The troll loses control

    He’s a champion of the sun

 

BARON

    So he transforms

    By the strong, musky power

    Of true love’s warmth

    This is truly his finest hour

 

    He becomes the Dayman

    A master of karate and friendship

    For everyone, he does what he can

    With an intense chest unzip

GOLDY

    There’s some graphic gunplay

    If it had been in the budget, that is

    They settle for just yelling “BANG”

    And he’s dead, that troll is

 

    The actors suddenly forget

    The illusion’s almost broken

    But they make up for it

    With intense karate fightin’

 

    The Nightman is defeated

    Ripped out his cpu still processing

    That’s all the bird princess needed

    There’s romance here, I’m guessing

 

With me, now, Baron. Sing it together.

GOLDY

    DAYMAN

BARON

    Aaa-AAA-aaa

GOLDY

    Fighter of the Nightman

BARON

    Aaa-AAA-aaa

GOLDY

    Champion of the sun

BARON

    Aaa-AAA-aaa

GOLDY

    You’re a master of karate

    And friendship

    For everyone

…yeeeah, right, okay, so apparently the entire play was just a ploy for the writer/director to convince someone to marry him. Still, though, for a scam, it was a pretty decent show. I give it an A+. What about you, Baron?

BARON

    F-.

GOLDY

    …Well, there ya have it folks. See you next time Gurgy is too lazy to write his own post!

Say_Uncle_(52)

(Steven Universe is property of Cartoon Network)

(Even by my standards this was a weird one. Goldy picked the obscure subject of a fake play in an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’ve never seen it so I’m as lost as you are) 

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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