GOLDY enters stage right, stopping front center, BARON following behind.
Ahem. Hi, I’m Goldy “Pinhead Pierre” Ferretmeat. You may remember me from such Spongey444 posts as “every single one with a title card” and “A Look at my Screw-Ups”. And this is my sidekick, Baron von Blanc.
And today, on this fine April — April? April. April Fools. Yes, you’re suddenly realizing what’s going on, aren’t you. On this fine day, Baron and I bring you:
GOLDY and BARON
The Nightman Cometh!
A Taste of Spongey Presents: Goldy and Baron present: Charlie Kelly presents: The Nightman Cometh: A Musical: A Musical
Music flows out of seemingly nowhere.
They say it’s always sunny
But the Nightman disagrees
While the show itself was funny
It was a little dark, geeze.
I guess that’s the namesake
Nighttime is quite dark
For those of us with poor eyes’ sake
I wish they’d turn off the dark
…B-baron, no, I meant… I meant dark, like, edgy… it… the lighting was fine… R-right, right, well, uh, where was I…
Well, Baron, I’d say
I thoroughly enjoyed it
What’d you think of the play?
I wish that we’d avoid it.
So, Baron, do you think
We start the play-by-play?
That’s how Spongey does his thing
We gotta do it by his say
Of course, Goldy, let’s begin
On this fine April Fools
Describe this horrid den of sin
Made by utter tools
So it starts with heavily implied pedophilia? Or at least that’s my understanding. “Little boy, tiny boy, baby boy”, “That boy inside of you”
I believe that’s the only interpretation. Then the music stopped and the song seemed to be done, and yet, the… what was she, some sort of… bird princess?
I don’t know, man, something like that. Anyway, yeah, I remember, the bird princess kept singing without music and tried to affirm that she is not a pedophile? I don’t think they chose the right actor for this role because she goes on to describe how people find her attractive. I hate to say it, but, she looks like a bird.
I will say one thing, the effects are decent. Did you see the cat eyes on that Nightman fellow? And that winged eyeliner, now that was on fleek.
Baron, I will literally pay you to not attempt to be hip with the kids.
Are we forgetting I attended a rave last weekend?
…That is literally part of the problem. We’re getting off-track here. I feel like we need to start the second song already.
So the Nightman breaks in
And meets with the Troll
While the little boy’s sleepin’
Nightman pays the toll
He slips into that boy’s hole
After a display of martial arts
There’s a blanket thrown by the troll
And what’s next is left in the dark
If there had to be a rape scene
I guess that’s how it’s done
But really uncomfortable, it seemed
I wasn’t having fun
But then the boy fights back at the Troll
And the boy turns into a man
The troll loses control
He’s a champion of the sun
So he transforms
By the strong, musky power
Of true love’s warmth
This is truly his finest hour
He becomes the Dayman
A master of karate and friendship
For everyone, he does what he can
With an intense chest unzip
There’s some graphic gunplay
If it had been in the budget, that is
They settle for just yelling “BANG”
And he’s dead, that troll is
The actors suddenly forget
The illusion’s almost broken
But they make up for it
With intense karate fightin’
The Nightman is defeated
Ripped out his cpu still processing
That’s all the bird princess needed
There’s romance here, I’m guessing
With me, now, Baron. Sing it together.
Fighter of the Nightman
Champion of the sun
You’re a master of karate
…yeeeah, right, okay, so apparently the entire play was just a ploy for the writer/director to convince someone to marry him. Still, though, for a scam, it was a pretty decent show. I give it an A+. What about you, Baron?
…Well, there ya have it folks. See you next time Gurgy is too lazy to write his own post!
(Steven Universe is property of Cartoon Network)
(Even by my standards this was a weird one. Goldy picked the obscure subject of a fake play in an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’ve never seen it so I’m as lost as you are)