Bunks

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Just when you thought Canadians couldn’t get any scarier…

Hello, Spongey here.

…You might be wondering what I was last week. Well, I was supposed to review Bionicle The Legend Reborn for that guy who reviewed Walking with Dinosaurs, but my laptop kind of broke in the middle of it.

Meaning the review is lost and will never happen. …Sorry. I lost a couple other things but I can replace those easily, so the review was the biggest casualty. While the film wasn’t giving me a ton work with, it sucks I lost a request.

I deeply apologize for that. But hey, life goes on so we must quickly move on to our next request, which is an odd but interesting one. This one comes from TheListenerCanon, so let’s go.

Remember how I said Skyrunners and Pants on Fire were the only Disney Xd Movies at that time? Well….i was technically wrong. There is another….from Canada. Yes, Disney 😄 Canada took it upon themselves to make their own movie….for some reason.

I knew about it, but I thought it was just some random Direct to Video movie they happened to air, but I guess it’s an official Disney 😄 Canada Product. This isn’t too surprising, as other foreign version of Disney have made their own products before, like Disney Channel Latin America’s very own Telenovla.

…Seriously.

So by request, I’ll see how this Canada’s attempt at a Disney Channel-ish movie fare. It was made by Fresh TV, who also made My Babysitter’s a Vampire. That’s a good start.

Our director, of course, has only done TV Work as such episodes of My Babysitter’s a vampire (of course) and the Once/Twice Upon a Christmas films that Cinematic Excrement covered.

With our 3 writers, with mostly have people from the companies other product such as the aforementioned Babysitter, and the Total Drama Series. At least we know what kind of humor to expect.

Not much else to say, let’s just jump in and see if this is any good at all.

This, is Bunks

The movie opens in 1972 at a Summer Camp, as a kid is running from some scary thing. He is cornered in his bunk and suddenly we cut to later as the kid has vanished, and some cops are looking for him.

Oh, an actually intriguing opening. Canada is already doing it better!

We flash forward to present day, as our heroes Dylan and Dane are headed off to military camp, as their Mom tells them to stay from fire because burned stuff before. Well, I like them already.

I love you boys, you are my whole world, I just need a little less of you in it”

Oh that’s even better. Also, they are still acting rather nice considering how extreme this situation kind of see. The boys spot a bus going to a Summer Camp, and decided to sneak on it.

Can’t wait for them to get some horrific supernatural punishment. They pretend to be two counselors, and are headed off to Camp InsertFunnyNameHere. On the bus they spy two girls, who I assume will serve as our love interests.

When they get to camp, we meet our Camp Directors, Wookie, played one o the guys from My Babysitter’s a vampire, and Crawl played by Chris McLean from Total Drama. Well, that means these kid are all doomed.

After some jokes, Dylan and Dane are put in charge of Chipmunk Cabin and find out about this Cup that goes to the Cabin that does the best, and of course the Cabin that tends to win is full of assholes.

This is the Summer of the Chipmunk”

Well Winter didn’t turn out well thanks to Star Wars….wait..

Speaking of obvious things, their Cabin is full of loser kids. Don’t worry, Fred 3 taught me that losers make terrible movies….wait..

The losers do indeed include a nerd and a fat kid, by the way. After a happy montage, we get the obligatory mess hall scene where the asshole rivals show up to be assholes. He’s funny but pretty stereotypical.

The Chipmunks find that Cup thing and hide it, as a big prank. We all know this will end poorly, so can we just skip to that part? They hide it in a bunk they were told to never go in. Eh, maybe it’ll just turn out this a test camp for aliens or something, no need to worry.

After some false scares, the kids don’t find much of anything except for a bag full of old stuff, including a book of creepy stories.

We could read these at the campfire tonight”

Yes, use a creepy thing you found in an old cabin. What could possibly go wrong?

Sure enough, they try out the stories that night. One tells the story of this kid who almost drowned while at camp, and had to be taken to a hospital. But the only one close by happened to be for animals, and I guess it was better than nothing.

It didn’t matter since the kid dies right. It’s the backstory, it’s allowed to be dark. The doctor says he can try something to…bring him back. Yep, we’re gonna play god here. Again, what could possibly go wrong?

And of course, the kid came back as a zombie. They found an antidote, but the kid was too far gone. Now it is rumored that he’s still around looking for flesh. Given what kind of movie this is, this will either turn real or seemingly be real, but actually be a hoax.

Once they’re done making kids piss their pants, they decided to raid the kitchen because….why not. This girl they are with, played by the Alpha Bitch from Zapped, decides to go with to prove she isn’t the “fun police” because proving a point is more important than being intelligent.

The other Chipmunk kids aren’t doing as well because a zombie pops and attacks them. …That escalated quickly. And yes, we now have a sort of Disney movie with a Zombie Apocalypse.

10/10. best movie ever. The raid goes well for our heroes until one counselor walks off and bumps into a zombie. We cut to morning so I assume the worst. He’s the one that is from Babysitter, meaning he has the worst luck with supernatural beings ever.

He does appear the next morning, but of course as a zombie. Also, a girl grows a mustache. ..It happened in one of the stories, and I guess the Zombies weren’t “funny” enough.

Because no finds either of this things strange, things move on as normal. Also, the Netflix Captions screw up big time by claiming someone is saying “We’re getting raped’. Really.

We get a Dodgeball game where Dylan and Dane shape up their hopeless kids so we can briefly act out an underdog sports movie.

After a bit of that, one of our heroes has a moment with Lauren. Sure took their sweet developing this possible pointless romance.

She figures he’s a phony but doesn’t quite know the full picture, so she’s fine with it. But the Douche-y rival overhears it and evily plans accordingly. Crap, it just hit me this is a liar revealed story, and I know it’s gonna be painful when it comes full circle.

He and Lauren try to continue with their bonding, until he notices a Zombie but of course she doesn’t believe him then storms off. Yeesh, being fake is fine but one lie is apparently horrible.

He tells Chris McLean about this, and Zombie Wookie pops up, with people still thinking his lack of vocab and need for food is totally normal. He tells his buddy about the Zombie, and thankfully the Zombie pops up right before we can through the whole disbelief thing.

Now this becomes a Zombie Apocalypse movie. Like I said, best movie ever. They all run and take refuge to gather supplies. They conveniently discover the Antidote from the story and now must figure out how to use it on Anson the Zombie.

As it turns out, it’s just a collar they need to activate…and they do, returning him to normal. …That was easy, yet we’re only 51 minutes into a roughly 80 minute movie. Lamest Zombie Apocalypse Ever!

Anson has no reaction to being dead and just decides to just make dumb jokes. They decide to keep him around, which we all know will turn out badly. It does right away as Anson bumps into the Douche-y rival who breaks the collar controls, making him evil again. Wow, they wasted no time in making that bit pointless.

He starts an assault on the Cabin, as well as Zomibe Wookie. Elsewhere, his girlfriend does see issues with him….but still not the Zombie thing. Maybe that’s the joke, but it’s not tha funny.

The kids are able to stay safe in their Cabin until morning, when they head out to see if the coast is clear. Dylan bumps into Lauren, who sees him bump into a Zombie, making her believe him.

They explain everything and she’s kind of pissed, since it is technically their fault. Oh, and Dane got scratched last night but for the sake of a dramatic bit to happen later, they ignore it. The kids are called to Crawl’s office, because the Zombies haven’t become a big enough problem for people of authority to catch wind of it, I guess.

See, way earlier the kids snuck onto the bus by tricking these counselors into getting on the boot camp bus, and we sometimes cut to those kids being miserable. It didn’t go anywhere until the last bit where they ran away, and the Sergeant called Crawl about it.

Since those kids carry Dylan and Dane’s fake names, he got suspicious. There, now onto the liar revealed crap. But first, Zombie time again! …This plot is a bit jumbled sometimes. More Zombie pop up, finally bringing us a real Zombie Apocalypse, complete with rock music!

They know they must get that antidote, even though they didn’t find out about the collar being broken at all. They must head out to the hospital from the story to get it, so they must pretend to be Zombies to get past them.

Also, someone says Sorry in a way that confirms this is a Canadian production.

The younger kids head out while the bigger kids hide out, which makes all of the sense. They somehow make it there and get the antidote without any trouble at all, but I guess it would be kind of boring to watch every single step of that.

The real Sanjay and name I forget (would it be oh so hilarious if I called him Craig?) make it here, along with the kids so we can get our epic climax. And for what it’s worth, it’s always fun to see people fight Zombies, no matter how it’s done.

Lauren even gets n on this so we can have a little “girl power” I guess. Oh, and Zombie Wookie finally becomes a true Zombie in front of his girlfriend, because that “subplot” needed to be addressed.

Speaking of Zombified characters, Dane finally becomes one….and a quick bit of antidote turns him back to normal. ….Well, that was pointless. It would have been really interesting to fully tackle that concept, but nope.

With that, all of the Zombies have been taken care of. I would call that a weak climax, but it’s never this easy so I expect one more undead guy to appear.

It’s Anson!”

Called it.

They quickly take care of him. Why is everything in this movie solved so damn easily!? Anson walks off, likely to be in big trouble due to being well over his age by now…and invented by our main character via that story.

And that’s our climax, as everyone celebrates. Kind of cool but a bit weak and some of the character arcs set up barely mattered, but we’re not quite done yet.

Sanjay and other guy become the Counselors they were meant to be, while Douche-y rival is punished. Their sort of arc added nothing in the end. Dane and Dylan are still counselors….because pretending to be counselors, among other crappy acts somehow means nothing to them.

Hooray for no comeuppance for your actions! Okay, they do Sanjay and other Guy’s Laundry but that’s barely enough punishment given what they did. They burn the scary story book we won’t have a sequel.

Books are bad, and TV is good, guys”

Except INSERT SHOW YOU HATE HERE.

With that taken care of, we have a dance party ending. But we need a twist, so it turns out a girl old one story from the book, and we fade out on a shark swimming by. Dun dun dun! …Yeah, I don’t care.

Another ending that’s a mix of slightly satisfying, and really rushed. Although it causes enough problem for me to say thumbs down to this ending, for the most part.

Final Thoughts:

Eh….it was okay, I guess. It was kind of enjoyable, but the script suffers from quite a few character and story issues. I’m okay with the story being simple, but it’s almost too simple, yet it has too many subplots going on sometimes.

Most of them are to add to the cliché count, like the cabin full of fat and nerdy kids, and douche-y rival. The kids at least do something, while the rival just exists to break the collar in that one scene.

As I said, I am okay with the main storyline with the Zombies being simple, but everything outside of that has problems. Our leads are barely punished for impersonating counselors, even then it would make sense to do so in this kind of story.

Usually, I’m glad they avoided the liar revealed stuff, but it feels like they forgot about it. Some stories play with the concept by just admitting their characters are bad or something, but this doesn’t even lampshade it.

It kind of makes them unlikable when you think about it. Other story elements are just kind of dropped as soon as they are brought up a 2nd time. The script is fairly messy in that regard, making the ending kind of unsatisfying despite a few bits.

With that said, the whole Zombie thing is kind of cool and there are some funny moments and enjoyable scenes. The basic idea behind the Zombie stuff is decent, and most of the acting is fine. The humor, while hit or miss, isn’t too bad either,

The characters are molly kind of dull though. Some are enjoyable, but no way is really that interesting and the leads are kind of unlikable, since they didn’t learn their lesson. But I’ve seen far worse.

As a whole, it’s just okay. Fairly enjoyable, but is dragged down a messy script. It’s pretty much what I expected. Really. This is exactly what I thought I would get out of Pants of Fire, and it’s somehow more enjoyable despite being kind of worse.

I don’t know how that happens. Either way, it’s okay. Nothing too special, but it’s at least kind of memorable and gave me stuff to make fun of. I wouldn’t recommend it too highly, but if you enjoy this kind of thing, go ahead.

As for me, I’ll stuck with My Babysitter’s a Vampire.

Grade: C+

These requests have turned out okay so far. Sure, this was average, but still slightly enjoyable. Although we did from a decent film to an average one….which means the next request is gonna suck, isn’t it?

Whatever, bring it on.

Smosh_the_movie

.Can’t be worse than Fred.

See ya.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
This entry was posted in Disney Channel Crap, Play by Play Reviews, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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