Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Don't have a clever quip for this one, which is fitting for a movie that didn't give me a lot to work with in the review

Don’t have a clever quip for this one, which is fitting for a movie that didn’t give me a lot to work with in the review

Hello, Spongey here.

We’ve established before how far Comic Book movies have come over the years, in my reviews of X-Men and Spider-Man 2. Even after those movies, before the MCU came along, Comic Book films were hit or miss.

For every X-Men, you had a Ghost Rider or Daredevil. Although there are misses nowadays, we have far more hits than we did back then. And one somewhat infamous miss was 2005’s Fantastic Four.

I’m too lazy to go into exposition on the original property, so I’ll just say this film had qite a bit hype to how famous the source material was, but it still ended up disappointing and a lot of people hate it.

It made money so they still made a sequel. With the upcoming reboot that is bound to be 1000 better, I wanted to review that original…until Nostalgia Critic did it and said everything I wanted to say.

Darn. …At least I beat him to Sharkboy and Lava.

So instead, we’re doing the 2007 sequel. But let’s cover the original first. It’s…mediocre. I didn’t hate but it wasn’t very good. The main problem is that nothing really happened. It had some action but most of the time was spent on dicking around and bad jokes. I don’t need constant action, but I do things to happen as well as good characters.

This didn’t have that. It was somewhat watchable but a bit too stupid and weak for its own good. I was hoping that the sequel would improve on it, so today we’ll find out. I hear it’s not that good but I’ve disagreed before.

The brilliant director of Ride Along is still on board, and we have the writers of My Super Ex-Girlfriend. ….Okay, let’s stay optimistic.

Let’s just dive in and see if this time, the Fantastic four really are Fantastic.

This, is Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

After a long title sequence, the movie opens with a strange silver object flying across the world, causing strange craters. This gets the attention of our “heroes”. Roll call time!

There’s Reed Richard/Mr Fantastic, the bland leader played by a guy I barely know. Sue Storm/ Invisible Woman, the bland love interest, played by Jessica Alba. There’s Johnny Storm/The Human Torch, the douche one played by Captain America himself, Chris Evans. And finally, Ben Grimm/The Thing, the actually interesting one, played by Micheal Chiklis.

Sue and Reed are getting married and the wedding keeps being interrupted by stuff. We join them on a plane as we get some awkward jokes with Ben. One of which goes nowhere cuz he has to sit between two people and of those people just vanishes in the next shot…then reappears a bit later. Huh.

After that pointless scene, we get some of that dicking around these movies are known for. I’m not sure what it is about the comedy that doesn’t work compared to other movies like this, but it’s just…awkward.

There is one amusing joke where they get new uniforms that are plastered with company logos, at least. I thought it would end after but when Sue leaves, there seems to be even more dicking around with Johnny and Reed. It involves jokes about bachelors parties.

We do get some story as we find out Reed is focusing more on that strange flying object than planning the wedding. But just as that happens, we cut to Reed’s bachelor party. After some jokes, some army guys show up to talk about those strange anomalies. They want him to locate that object so they can figure out what it is.

Reed says no because all that wedding stuff. Nice to see our big dilemma is picking between national safety and pleasing the nagging wife. 5 bucks the resolution is as weak as it was in Swan Princess 2.

A couple scenes later, Ben walks in on Reen making the thing for the army guys in secret. Wow, you turn it down publicly …just to please your wife so you can do it for real. Our hero!

Thankfully, we just cut the wedding which is as overblown as most celebrity weddings. It’s so exclusive even Stan Lee can’t get in!

“I should be on that list”

‘What’ your name?”

“Stan lee!”

Hardy har har.

After some more dicking around, the wedding gets underway with Brian Posehn as the Minister. Weird choice, but okay. Suddenly, that weird flying object ends up in New York and causes power outages and a bunch of ruckus.

We finally get an action scene as Johnny faces who I assume is the titular Silver Surfer. He gets his ass kicked and Silver Surfer goes up to space to talk to someone we don’t see for now. Well, now that something happened, I’m sure the movie will now suddenly get good, right? ….Right?

Our protagonists discuss this strange event and figure that they must destroy this thing before it strikes again. But then that ends so we can get more marriage woes, as Sue found out about the machine thingy,

“I’m not mad about the sensor”

You’re mad cuz he lied about it. She doesn’t say that but that’s more or less what she says. She doesn’t think they can raise a family in these conditions. Eh, that’s almost interesting.

Johnny goes outside because he’s been having weird surges since he bumped into Silver Surfer…and then he somehow switches powers with Sue. Now he can get naked for the sake of cheap fan service!

….Then when Sue stops being on fire, we see her clothes are gone. …Goddamnit, I was joking when I reference that bit in the first movie!

They investigate this and it seems like the power switch happened when Johnny touched Sue and this is mostly his fault, due to a run in with Silver Surfer.

Ben hugs him and then he becomes fire-y while Johnny is a rock monster thing. This mostly exists for cheap jokes since they go back to normal right after. The Sue thing hammered in the point well enough, thank you.

We cut to Silver Surfer as he visits Greenland to meet Victor Von Doom, the villain from the first movie with the most subtle name ever.

Silver Surfer flying past Lateveria freed him from his metal prison, so he somehow track Surfer here to talk to him. That’s a long way to go for some random silver guy you barely know, but okay.

Silver Surfer refuses so they fight. But before something actually cool can happen, we get back to the “plot”. After this is over, Sue and Reed want to move out and have a more normal life, which does not please Johnny.

Jonny talks to Ben about this, and Ben’s blind girlfriend I forgot to mention tells them to calm down. The others than come in so we can get back to the interesting part. It turns Silver Surfer has been to other planets, and they have all died after he left.

This is also interrupted so they go save a Ferris wheel and when it causes some issues, the army guy’s want to send in some help. And that help happens to Victor Von Doom. Yep, that have a bad guy help just cuz his info that could save the planet. I’m sure that chance is worth the chance of him turning on you.

He tells them about his meeting with the surfer and they figure they can stop them if they get rid of his board. Of course he leaves out the “I wanted to team up with him” part. I’m sure that won’t bite anyone in the butt later.

After that, there’s a few scenes of the characters trying to have “depth” and evoke “emotions”. It’s…more than the first movie so there is that. There’s a bit with Victor and Sue, and then head out to where they think Silver Surfer is. Yes, we’ve hit a part where I have nothing to say, you’re sick of it and even sicker of me pointing it out.

Shut up.

Sure enough, he shows up and eventually they shoot him down. They take him in where the Fantastic four are prevented from interfering with their “methods’. Our heroes think there’s more going on with the Surfer so they want to sneak in to his cell to talk to him.

Sue manages to do with ease because this is the 10000th place in a movie that has shit security. The Surfer explains that he isn’t the destroyer. He’s just a servant to Galactus, a big evil dude who devours worlds. He has to do this to protect his own world. …Hmm…yeah this almost works. Certainty the character stuff this movie needed.

So now we have our new goal: Stop the real villain. Meanwhile, Doom is talking ot some army guy and reveals that he’s still evil. Insert that Iago clip here. This gets the attention of our heroes so looks like they gotta stop him too.

They rescue the Surfer and head out to confront Victor. We get a decent action scene which ends when Sue is mortally wounded. Hey, you tried to make me care! It’s…a nice try.

With that, Galactus arrives in all of his dark cloud glory. Johnny absorbs everyone powers so he can fight Victor, which is actually kind of cool. In a matter of minutes, they defeat him and throw him in a lake or something.

That was easy. It almost like Victor being in the plot was pointless or something. They turn their attention back to Sue, who dies. That’s pretty sad but….I’ve watched enough movies to know she’s not staying dead.

Sorry to be a dick but it’s true.

Sure enough, Surfer somehow has to power to bring her back to life. I’m really getting sick of this trend. A fake out is one thing but flat out reversing something is another thing. It’s cheap and makes that part useless. Stop doing it!

With that, Surfer, with help from Johnny, flies into Galctus and this somehow causes it to blow up. Yep, all it took was throwing silver and fire into it. …I’ve seen lamer climaxes, but that was still pretty lame.

With that, Reed and sue decide not to leave since the team is important. Yay for rushed conflict resolution. Speaking of which, the Reed needing time for Sue thing was barely addressed outside of a speech from Surfer.

But Reed and Sue so finally have their wedding and make it quick so they can get to doing a superhero thing. It only took them 5 tries to do that. Oh, and I think Surfer died cuz they just move on without mentioning him.

With that they leave and fly off into the credits. Abrupt ending, yawn. I’ve seen worse though so I’m not mad. About as weak as the rest of the film, really.

Final Thoughts:

Sorry this another sort of weak review. I had an excuse with the short Barbie stuff, but not much here. It just didn’t give me a lot to comment on. This one was…meh. It’s an improvement over the first one but I still didn’t care for it.

I can’t put my figure on why. It has a big plot with decent stakes and a few character moments. I think the problem is it’s not enough. They throw is some stuff that’s honestly useless such as Johnny switching powers. Really, Ben and Johnny don’t matter a lot in the big overall plot, which is sad cuz The Thing is the best character in these movies.

Speaking of the characters they are just kind of there. They attempt some okay development, but they still don’t work for me. They’re just sort of one dimensional, and most of the time they are treated like jokes. Reed and Sue kind of take the spotlight, but their main story is under developed so I really can’t care.

Also, Victor has no reason to be here. On the bright side, Silver Surfer is decently interesting even though his arc is a bit rushed. The acting is hit or miss, but no one is awful, so that’s a plus. (I just think Alba is miscast, not bad).

They certainly tried with this one, but it just didn’t work for me. Some parts got too jokey although not as much as the previous film. There are some good action scenes but the climax is a bit too weak.

I don’t know, I just don’t feel strongly enough about this one to go into detail. This is why I do these kind of review opposed to general reviews. Writing this section is hard enough.

This movie is…okay I guess. Somewhat enjoyable in parts, and it tries, but the writing is kind of weak with how it handles it’s conflicts, and it’s just not that good. It’s very average, which makes it a bit better than the first, at least.

Needless to say, I’m excited for the new one to see if we a really good Fantastic Four movie at last. Hopefully that one will be good.

Short, I know but there’s not much to say about this one. Nice Try, but I just didn’t feel it, you know?

Grade: C

Next time, I have to play catch up so let’s do that DCOM from early in the year.

See ya.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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