Hello, Spongey here, and welcome to the finale of Barbie Month!
We’re finally almost done here. This month has been ….kind of boring. These Barbie movies haven’t been as painful as I thought they would be but they still weren’t good. We’ve had plenty of dumb plots and clichés but nothing really baffling happened. But they still made for good reviews.
To close out this month, I figured we’d jump forward a bit. And by that I mean we will cover the latest film. Yep, this one came out just earlier this year. Just from the premise I knew I should do this one to close things out.
It has no Wikipedia page so I’m gonna have to rely on that Barbie wiki again. For this one, they decided to crash on a trend that’s pretty big right now. Yep, this one is a superhero movie.
Because …why not. Barbie’s done every other job, so why not be a Superhero? Just don’t give us the Barbie Cinematic Universe.
Saddled with a writer who has done nothing, and the brilliant director of Scary Godmother, there’s no way this could fail. …Yeah let’s just dig in and see how Barbie does as a superhero. Maybe she’ll mope, maybe she’ll get into a fight in a city and be accused of property damage, we’ll just have to see.
This, is Barbie in Princess Power
The movie opens with Barbie flying on some weird jetpack thing. She’s not a superhero yet. Her friends made it, and one of them is voiced by Kira Tozer aka Minka from LPS.
…I was kidding when i said we needed to bring it in too. Although this isn’t shocking. Of course she flies out of control and lands near her parents. As it turns out, she’s a princess and her parents think this is MOST UNORTHODOX.
A princess in a weirdly modern America looking city, no less. Barbie is working on some garden project, to show she can help out, but the parents are like “nah”. He gives her some dumb speech. Their advsor parratots it.
“See, there. Our most wise and insightful advisor agrees. And he has never been wrong before”
He’s the villain. Calling it now.
“That’s me…reliable to a fault…but no more. Now I shall finally claim what is rightfully mine!”
…I was joking! Seriously, you didn’t’ even wait to show he’s a villain. Whatever. He’s voiced by Micheal Kopsa, aka Roger Baxter. And this is now the best movie ever made.
“Everyone knows it was my family who first claimed the kingdom of Windemere centuries ago! Granted my Great Great Grandfather lost it during a rather foolish game of Rock Paper scissors…”
I’m loving this guy already. Also, this is some other countries? Doesn’t look like it. He wants to try out some potion he made, but he accidently drops it down a drain because of his evil pet frog. Because of course he has one.
After a hilarious reaction, the potion spill down the drain and lands on a caterpillar, which then turns into a butterfly. I surprisingly have no comment for that. We cut to Barbie with her friends as she bitches about her parents.
She’s a princess who wants more. Moving on.
The butterfly flies over and kisses her on the cheek. …Okay then, this is going into weird places. This causes her to get loopy and pass out. She wakes up to find that it is the next morning and she just goes on like normal. I think I know what happened but I’ll wait for the movie to confirm it.
She sees a kitten stuck in a tree so she tries to save it. She does so but when she falls, she suddenly starts floating. Yep, that magic butterfly kiss gave her superpowers.
Somehow, I didn’t expect anything less stupid than that. Meanwhile, Baron Von Ravendale continues to be amazing as he tries out the throne and then chews out his frog for being a screw up.
Barbie tells her friends about her weird powers and they saw her flying around, so they buy it. Wow, you skipped the secret identity part. Good on you. Barbie figures out that has other powers, like super strength and agility.
“You’ve got Princess Power!”
“I got kissed by a magical bug and now I have superpowers?”
When you say like it that….it sounds stupid. Because it is.
With that, Barbie decides to embrace her Superhero nature and find a mission. By that I mean she will use her powers to do that garden project. Clearly the smartest use of super powers.
But to make sure her parents don’t find out, she must create a secret identity. So with a quite costume making Montage, Barbie is…Super Sparkle!
….Somehow that name just doesn’t have the same ring as Superman or Batman.
We cut to a city, which means something dangerous happens due to a construction guy. Because I think every city had this curse where bad things happen when a Superhero exist.
Also, what’s the point of this being some far off land if it’s almost exactly like a typical American City…and everyone has American/Canadian accents?
Super Sparkle shows up to save the day and this is seen by Baron von Ravendale. She flies home for some royal thingy with her parents. Back in the city, we get another Superhero movie staple: The intrepid reporter, in the form of Wes Rivers.
Actually, he’s more Ronaldo from Steven Universe than Lois Lane, with his blog and all. After a bit with him, we cut back to Baron as he wonders how Super Sparkle got these powers. …Then that’s it for him.
Barbie tells her friends about what happened and she has a newfound enthusiasm for being a hero.
“You know, truth, justice, the windemere way”
Booooo. Her friends had the same idea, as they somehow were able to turn the room into a Superhero HQ (The Barbie Cave, if you will) with tons of gadgets and stuff. One friend even says she’s been working in it for a couple hours. They can’t be that smart!
With that, they get their first mission so she flies off to stop a criminal from stealing someone’s purse. I must say, it’s weird yet awesome to see Barbie fighting crime. …yes, . I know that the actual character is named Kara but shut up.
After an actually cool scene with Baron going evil stuff, we get a bit of filler with Barbie before she goes off to save a guy from a fire. I get that we need a lot of hero stuff, but I figured we’d get a bit more in terms of character before just blasting off like this.
Then again, I can’t expect proper pacing from these movies at this point. The next day happens to be Barbie’s birthday so she has boring normal stuff to do. Also, her sister if jealous but it’s pretty much glossed over. I’m sure it won’t be important.
Wes happens to be at the party and of course he has start talking about Super Sparkle. Her parents also randomly say they like her which causes a problem as Barbie once them to know she’s Super sparkle but she can’t. Yep, gotta have the hero want to revel their secret to loved ones.
Then she happens to get a mission so she leaves to stop a bank robbery.
“The names Sparkle. Super Sparkle”
You’re not James Bond. After another quick action scene, she goes home and turns back into Barbie. …And this is seen by her sister. Dun dun dun. She gets so busy bitching about Barbie that she doesn’t even question how she got super powers.
She immediately talks to Barbie’s friends about this and claims that Barbie told her. She hears about how she got her powers, so she goes outside to find the magic butterfly.
Amazingly, it happens to be there for her to capture. She kisses it and we cut to Baron as he gets into danger, which means Super Sparkle shows up to save him. But before she can do so..
“Dark Sparkle’s got this”
…Just when I thought this movie couldn’t get stupider. Also, how did she makes a Superhero costume that quickly? Because Barbie is an idiot, she doesn’t know who Dark Sparkle is and after this bit, she wonders about it.
We then get a montage of Dark Sparkle doing hero stuff, only to get upstaged by Barbie. Eventually she finally gets a save in, which pisses off Barbie. And of course she’s jealous.
Yeah this doesn’t quite work if you don’t exactly pace it right, not to mention that Dark sparkle is going this to be a bitch. Also, Dark Sparkle sounds like a villain name so why do they trust her?
Meanwhile, Wally finds this ring that Super Sparkel dropped, and suddenly he notices that Princess Kara has the same thing, meaning he figured out her secret. …Then it cuts to her parents chewing her out as Wally revealed this on his blog. Uh, think you might want to a do a big reveal scene first before just jumping to this?
They are pissed because she dared to save people. …Yeah, I don’t get it either. They even point out that they were proud of Super Sparkle before…but that changed cuz it’s Barbie. And again, they don’t question how she got super powers.
“Stop that floating this instance”
Amazing line of dialogue. Of course Baron hears about this and works it into his plan. He finally makes another potion and drinks it to get powers. One amazing evil laugh later, he reveals his evil side to the royal family.
The sister uses her powers to try to stop him which reveals her own secret. They don’t have time to discuss that as they need to have an epic battle with Baron. This is the most action you’ll ever see in a Barbie movie.
Then the evil pet frog drinks the potion and gets his own powers. Because why not. With his help, he escapes, as does the royal family. In the meantime, our super sisters finally talk things out.
Well sort of. They argue as they bitch about how the other is a bitch and then they leave. Good enough. Barbie goes of to fight Baron, but he sets off a Volcano so It can destroy this tower the family is at. Said volcano is called Mt Dormant. Hardy har har.
“You hear that? That’s the sound of destiny calling”
“Sorry, wrong number”
Boooo. Although I must say, this whole scene is kind of cool. I mean, we have Barbie fighting an over the top bad guy with superpowers in a volcano. How is that not amazing?!
With Dark Sparkle’s help, they are able to take care of the lava. They both then apologize for what they did. Their little moment is interrupted by Baron who gets his ass kicked by two teenage-ish girls.
Thankfully, his frog sidekick shows up to help. Man, this climax is going on forever. Can someone just snap Baron’s neck so we can end this?
But then…these dogs show up because they happened to drink the potion too. …Yeah this is where I draw the line. Two dogs they have get introduced out of nowhere just for this lame bit. Really?
“I did not see that coming”
They beat him up which gives the hero time to escape so they can finally defeat him. Defeated by super powered animals. How degrading. With that, he is captured and this climax is over.
The next day, everyone celebrates as the parents admit Barbie can take of herself. Well, Barbie’s main arc is done and with the sisters working together, so is the sister’s arc. Barbie even apologizes for being a bitchy and yada yada yada.
With that, they do that garden thing they haven’t’ brought up for like an hour. And of course, the superpowers must fly off into our faces to end the movie. And the magic butterfly kisses us. So…do I have super powers now?
Surprisingly, that ending was more satisfying than most despite some weak writing. And there’s a Barbie quote at the very end. . Is that a running thing in these movies?
Also, I am disappointed there is no post credits scene where Nick Fury asks Barbie to join the Avengers.
Well, I think that was the “best” one I covered this month. That isn’t saying much but it’s true. It was the “least” annoying and problematic, at least on an objective level. Of course it’s still not good but I don’t want to focus too much on that.
Mostly because it has the same issues as the others. However, it’s slightly more interesting due the premise. I do like the concept of the conflict and it’s almost interesting. However, the writing is flawed. The main conflicts with Barbe being a bitch and the sister don’t get really introduced into the 2nd half and they are very rushed.
They don’t flesh it out so it feels undercooked. The story itself feels weak as a result. But on the bright side, Barbie is more interesting than usual due to this. The other characters are at least somewhat memorable. The friends are okay but first but they kind of vanish near the end. The sister is alright, I suppose.
And of course, the villain is awesome. He’s just so much fun, especially near the end. He’s not the most interesting but he is the best villain we’ve seen this month. This one is sort of enjoyable in a really dumb kind of way.
The powers and action at least makes this mildly enjoyable for how mindless and stupid it can get. The climax is even kind of cool despite the whole pet thing. Yes, the story is weak and messy, but it’s somewhat enjoyable in some parts. It’s not good but this one didn’t’ bother me as much as the others.
So it’s an improvement. I guess these movies got better, although there satill doesn’t seem to be a “Good” one. Since they got close here, maybe if they make 5000 others they’ll finally make a decent one!~
…Did I just ask for 50000 Barbie movies?
But we’re not quite done with Barbie yet. If someone tells of a really bad one I have to review, I’ll do it. I’ll also do one of the Christmas ones come December. But there’s one to thing talk about first.
You may be wondering if there’s anything with the Barbie name that is worthwhile. Well, there is, in the form of a web cartoon known as Life in the Dreamhouse. It’s more or less the Friendship is Magic of Barbie, as it manages to actually sort of clever with its humor, and it makes fun of a lot of the Barbie tropes.
Imagine if Barbie and Ken from Toy Story 3 had their show. There you go. I never imagined something like this would be good, but it is, and it’s pretty funny. I especially like the Alpha Bitch but that’s no surprise.
So yeah, go check that out. I’m glad I watched some of it. But for now, we’re done with Barbie. These movies weren’t quite as bad as I thought but it was interesting. Hopefully we won’t deal with here until December.
Next time, we’re sticking with Superheroes, although somehow I think these guys might be less effective than Barbie.