Jessie-Coffee Talk

Jessie is property of Disney

Hello, Spongey here.

Well, I’m still punishing myself with bad TV, and today we get a particularly weak one. And once again, it’s a Disney Sitcom. I swear, I’ll get back to Nick very soon…

It comes to us from good ol’ Jessie. Oh boy this show. I’ll get into it in bigger detail at some point but I have to set the stage for this review, so I must say something now.

If you want you the short version, this one is about a woman, played by Debby Ryan, who comes to New York looking to make it big, but ends up as a nanny for the kids of a rich family. Hilarity ensues.

I’ll say this: It’s cool to have a Disney sitcom where the title character is a legal adult…at least in age and hotness. Not so much in terms of maturity. The thing about this one is that it has some of the…weaker moments of the Disney Sitcoms on right now (even more so than I Didn’t do It, which I’ll get to…) but also some of the better moments.

I’ll get into the latter some other time but we’re here to discuss the former. It can have some fairly mean spirited moments and sometimes it can be more depressing than funny. …But Debby Ryan is in it so I have to watch it.

That and it still has effort put into and all that. But the mean spirtiness is still an issue and that leads us to today’s episode. It takes an issue the series has always had and makes it even worse. This one is gonna be bad, so strap in.

It’s worth noting that this is from Season 3, which is easily the weakest Season due to having more episodes like this. But you know what’ messed up? In production order, this is the SEASON FINALE, not counting the Liv and Maddie crossover, which falls outside the Season.


Without further ado, let’s get this over with.

This, is Coffee talk

Writer: Jessica Lopez

She was written no other episode. Bet you can’t tell. The director is more interesting but we’ll get to them at the end.

The episode starts with Jessie relaxing, as Emma and Zuri tell her that there Justin Timberlake is singing in the park that night. …Could have picked someone slightly more revleant to teens interest, but that’s good enough.

They run off to get in line for tickets and we get the intro. ..That was quick. After that, we join Luke and Ravi as Ravi is trying to help Luke study for a Spanish test. Yeah, Luke isn’t doing well at all. Sorry to spoil that.

Bertram comes in and Ravi tells him that he uses his Coffee maker to make gross Lizard drink, so Bertram says “she” is ruined now. …Yeah, characterizing his stuff is a running gag.

We cut to slightly later as he mourns the death of…his coffee maker.

MR KRABS: What a baby.

Thankfully, Ravi comes in with a new Coffee maker…that Bertram is …into right away. Yeah, this is our subplot and it’s the one the episode is named after. Weird. And well…it’s another case where the subplot is actually good…in a weird way.

You’ll see…in a second as it turns out this is a high tech Coffee maker that can talk ,hence the title. Bertram and the…thing hit it off right away. …Let’s get back to the main plot.

After a while of waiting in line, Jessie is able to score V.I.P. wrist bands to the concert. Her ex-boyfriend is Justin’s pet physic. Yes, Debby Ryan here has multiple boys who decided to dump her.

And now this is the most unrealistic TV show ever made.

There is a problem…she got two passes, and there are three of them. Oh fudge, it’s THAT plot. This plot is hard to get right, since it usually makes everyone except the ticket/prize owner look bad. Even some of the more okay takes on this, such as The Ticket Master have issues.

So what makes this show think it can do it right? Spoilers, it doesn’t.

Right away, the kids try to kiss up to Jessie so they can go to the concert. And right away, Zuri sabotages Emma’s plan to make her look bad. Wow, I hate Zuri already. That was fast.

“Zuri’s like a bond villain with a bedtime!”

Desperate, Emma turns to Ravi for help. He goes along because Emma promises some dumb thing. …What’s Bertram up to?

“And that why One Direction owes everything to The Beatles”

…What’s Jessie up to?

Despite that line, the…thing still quite likes Bertram. Its name is Serena so we’ll call it that.

Luke walks in one this and Serena starts chatting it up with Luke. She happens to know Spanish and Luke gets the idea to have her help tutor him. Bertram…isn’t up for it.

“Come on Serna, I’ll change your filter…don’t worry, I’ll look away”

Ravi helps Emma get revenge on Zuri by telling her that they have a set up a meet and greet with Justin. She is caught by security guys, trying to get in and Emma pops up to tell them to make sure Zuri doesn’t set foot here again.

Yeah, needless to say neither party is very likable in this situation.

Bertram is with Serena in the park and when he leaves to do something, Luke shows up and takes her. …Okay.

Jessie gets her wrist bands in the mail…except there is only one. …That’s…kind of different but somehow worst.

“That means I have to sneak out without anyone spotting me?”

Oh yeah, we gotta make sure NO ONE is likable in this episode. Got it. At least Ravi is…mostly okay at the moment.

Ravi tells Emma and Zuri the truth about how Jessie plans to use the one wrist band on herself. When they start planning revenge, Ravi suggest joining forces so they make really make sure Jessie isn’t going to the concert.

Speak too soon. Yeah, the problem here is a bit obvious: unlikable characters are terrible. But we’re not at the worst of it yet.

After a commercial, Emma offers Jessie a massage. Jessie goes along with it because when one of your normally bitchy-y kids does that, they are clearly up to something good, right?

Of course this is all a trap to tie Jessie to a table and threaten her to cough up the wrist band. And this is…almost the worst of it. There’s having your character bicker of wanting ticket, then there is TORTURING someone until they get it.

And Ravi is going along with it here. What the hell?! You can argue that he thought Jessie was doing something wrong by taking the band for herself but even he wouldn’t go this far!

After a bit of…coaxing, Jessie gives away the location of the wrist band. But…there’s still only two kids who want to guy, and one wrist band. And…Ravi knew that and wanted to keep it for himself.

Okay, this is character derailment at its finest!

Let’s get back to the best romance ever told. Luke is getting Spanish lessons from Serna when Bertram walks in. He…doesn’t take it well.

“Serena, I thought I was the only man you loved!”

“This is not what it looks like!”

This scene has dramatic Spanish music….and this is now the weirdest thing ever. Luke informs her about Carol, the previous Coffee maker and she gets totes jelly. …Okay that was painful to type.

They fight until they trip and accidentally break Serena. …Considering that she was treated as a character…that makes this the darkest moment in a regular Disney Sitcom.

Her voice thingy still works but Ravi’s Lizard eats it. …Ew. Thankfully, Luke still knows the Spanish he learned so he leaves. And I guess Serena is just fine now since Bertram says they will get through this even know she’s in the body of a Lizard.

This show is weird. I’ll say my piece on this plot at the end, but now back to the crappy plot. Ravi is still keeping the wristband hostage but Emma and Zuri come in to spring a trap.

It doesn’t work and Ravi tries to run but is stopped by Jessie. Everyone starts arguing until Ravi yells at them to stop.

“Look at yourselves”

Wait, one minute he’s right there, doing crappy stuff, and now he’s preachy? Okay then.

Ravi scolds them for going insane over something stupid, and Jessie agrees.

“None of us deserve to go to that concert”

You got that right.

“Ravi, cut it up”

Oh hey, they are fixing my problem. It turns out this was just to make a point and create a nice moral. Just like in most takes on this plot, it’s just here to tell us not to…go crazy over something stupid.

Okay, I can roll with it…

Ravi cuts it up and while it is tough on them, they see that they kind of deserve it. I could bitch about how they just kind of go with this, but we only have a tiny bit left, so whatever.

A bit later, everyone calms down and tries to watch the concert from the terrace. But then they look at the cut up wrist band…and see that it’s fake. They look down at the concert and…

“Look, there he is!”

“I can’t believe he conned us!”

Like before, I’ll rant in the Final Thoughts because I want to comment on the finale joke. Luke comes in and they see that Betram is at the concert with the Lizard. OTP?

“At least he’s moved on from Cofeee makers…does Carol know?”

How the hell did Jessie not know all this crap was going on? That last bit wasn’t’ exactly quiet.

And that’s the end. Yeah, abrupt and weak but that’s not the problem. I think you can tell the obvious problem with this terrible ending, right? It’s a slap in the face and huge character derailment…but I’ll get into it…now.

Final Thoughts:

This one’s pretty easy to explain. Now, I will say that I actually enjoy the subplot in a WTF way. It’s so weird and over the top that it’s funny and actually worth watching. I suggest watching it just to see how something like this could be in an actual show.
But other than that, and maybe a couple jokes, this one sucked.

The main problem is that everyone is unlikable. Everyone is a horrible dick and at no point do you really like anyone. Everyone is bad to each other and it’s not very funny. Yes, this is an issue with the show in general, but it’s never been as bad as it is here.

Usually at least Jessie or Ravi would be likable, but nope. Jessie is as selfish as the rest so when she is tortured, you can’t exactly say it’s undeserved. But it’s still painful to watch all the way same. As for Ravi…my god.

Of all the Bad Disney Sitcom episodes, this has the worst character derailment. None of the characters are ever the best, but typically Jessie is more likable than the others, yet here she’s also bad. And Ravi is usually the most likable of the kids with his problem being the mocking he gets.

But here…he’s the worst! He goes along with all this crap and rats the kids out to Jessie and is okay with her being tortured, yet he still scolds them. Dumbass, you helped them torture someone!

Then there’s the end. After preachy to everyone about how this is tearing them apart…it turns out he was lying and cut a fake wrist band and he goes to the thing behind their back. First off, I guess he forgot they might watch the concert and see him. I bet their next meeting will go really well!

Ravi isn’t always the nicest person but he would never stoop himself to doing this. Not to mention this completely throws away the moral. They have a nice moment but ruin it with a mean spirited and crappy ending!

Instead of being a story with a moral, it’s just a bunch of unlikable jerks being terrible to each other for 22 minutes. You know you screwed up when Luke is the most likable kid.

So yeah, this episode is bad. It takes a plot that’s already hard to do and screws it up. The characters act terribly and not even the nice one or the hot one is likable. It’s just mean spirited and stupid. Like I said, this is an issue these shows have but this episode has it worst.

I swear, there are good and even sweet episodes of this show. I know I said I would get into at another point, but now I will say watch an episode like Gotcha Day and you’ll see what I mean. Hell, even this Season had the Wedding Arc and the one where Luke tries to find out about his birth mother.

And this current Season is seeing minor improvement as Zuri has had more nice moments, and there was an episode with Mr Mosbey in it. Not the actor, the …actual character.


Watch those episodes if you can tolerate this stuff, or just watch 16 Wishes or Debby’s Girl Meet World Episode if you want her being hot AND funny. Avoid this crappy episode.

Grade: D-

Oh wait, I forgot to mention the director. I brought it up earlier so I should bring it up now. So, who is this director? Hmm, I’m sure it’s nobody I care about.


I’m going to bed.

See ya.

About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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