Transformers: Age of Extinction (Part 2)

Behold, as  2 hours now feel like 2 years!

Behold, as 2 hours now feel like 2 years!

Trasnsformers Age Of Extinction is property of Paramount Pictures

Hello, Spongey here..


Bad humans are now working for bad robots to get rid of good robots, and Mark Wahlberg is dragged into it because he found Optimus Prime. Too bad he has to juggle this with being an inventor who doesn’t provide much for his bitchy-y daughter, who is a 17 year old dating a 20 year old. Yes, that was a plot point. They tried to stop the bad guys but now Optimus has been captured by a big bad robot Bounty Hunter, along with Tessa. Will they manage to save the day? Does anyone really care?


On the ship, Lockdown tells Optimus about how much he sucks and all that jazz. He says he is upsetting the cosmic balance due to him working with humans or something. Says the guy currently working with humans to stop his enemies.

Meanwhile, our heroes gear up to save Optimus and Tessa.

“I’m not here to help your daughter, you’re here to save my girlfriend”

Wow, what a dick.

They get on the ship because it somehow has no security and tries to look for their pals. After a bit of trouble, they find Tessa while the Autobots find Optimus. Again, no guards? They did bump into a couple bad things but I don’t see any attempts on the bad guy’s part to keep people from wandering around this ship.

The humans try to make it off the ship by crossing some dangerous wires to get to a building that is near them, because the flying Autobots are too lazy to help I guess. Well, except Bumblebee who shows up to help them…after they are falling off.

As impressive as the scene looks, I’m getting tired of these movies having bits where a character falls and a robot has to save them. When it happens 50 times, it takes the suspense out of it.

Our heroes land back on the ground and a bunch of stuff happens, including a lame joke about insurance or something. Optimus and Brains reveal that Galvatron is Megatron reborn and has manipulated KSI in order to steal the Seed and create more Decepticons.

Eh, that’s kind of cool but it’s once again dragging Megatron into things when they should just leave him alone at this point.

At least he is getting some payback this time instead of being the most pathetic butt monkey even put on film.

This time, he plans to detonate this ancient seed thing so he can kill millions and basically wipe out human life on Earth.

…Okay, now he’s badass again.

So now our heroes must get that Seed (they couldn’t have picked a better name for it?) before Megatron does. Yay, a McGuffin chase!

Cade calls up Tucci (before he somehow knows his number) and tries to warn him about Megatron’s plan. He doesn’t buy it but he checks things out anyway. He talks to Kelesy Grammar about this.

“I’m not sure if I want the seed right now”

Too easy.

While they are arguing, Galvatron activates himself and starts going evil shit. Back with our heroes, Optimus thinks he is done working with humans after all that has happened. Yep, even after they find out this is all Megatron’s fault, he still wants to kill humans.

Cade tells him that Humans make mistakes and he has to faith and yada yada yada. You know, the robots have easily caused the most destruction in these films, both good and bad. Just sayin’.

Meanwhile, the people over at the bad guy tech leg are messing with the Transfomrium and are using it to make stuff like guns…and a …Rainbow Dash plush?

111transflroemrs dash

Okay then.

Back in the big city, the Autobots ship is shot down, leaving our heroes to fight. We get a bunch of mindless action, and the guy who’s Face is his warrant falls to his death. Whatever.

The situation gets a bit direr, so Optimus decides it’s time for some reinforcements. So he unleashes the Dinobots. Oh yeah, this part. This film got a lot of publicity when they announced that the Dinobots would be in it, especially since they were in most of the trailers and posters.

So let’s see how they handled them. It’s honestly a pretty bad ass moment when they hop on the beats and charge in for FREEDOOOOOM. Then after that …more stuff happens, I guess. I don’t know, this entire section is just a bunch of mindless action I can barely follow.

Eventually, Optimus tells Cade and pals to go take the Seed to a safe place. Lockdown shows up with a big magnetic weapon and Optomus goes to take care of it.

Does anyone else feel like this has been going on for waaaay too long? Just like in the other movies, I can’t tell what the climax is, and what is just the lead in.

Cade is held at gunpoint by Kelesy Grammar. He’s not happy with Cade’s coice to work for the Autobots…and then Optimus kills him.

…Oh boy. I’m not sure how to feel. On one hand, I got pretty miffed at him killing his own kind (his old mentor to boot) and this is a member of a specific he’s trying to protect. This whole series, he’s been trying to prove that Trasnsformers are not just mindless killers…and he goes and kills someone. But on the other hand, this is a bad guy, which …kind of makes it okay.

Optimus doesn’t really have the No Kill Policy some other heroes have…but he should know what a huge mess this will cause when everyone else on Earth finds out he killed a human. Transformers won’t look so good then.

I’ll call it half and half, so we can move on.

Right after that, Lockdown pops up and impales Optimus with his sword. Ouch. Thankfully, they are able to get it out with a tow truck and he moves around again like nothing happened.

He kills Lockdown and then Tessa and Shane kiss because…their stuff started becoming important again. Actually, all the crap with Cade just got dropped in the 2nd half, showing just how important it was.

With that all the Decepticons just kind of die, and Galvatron retreats.

“We shall meet again, for I am reborn”

Oh hey, Megatron did nothing despite being important again. Anyway , looks like our climax is done…wow, that was weak. It felt kind of triumphant in the other movies, but Optimus just kills a fairly average bad guy and boom, we’re done. Considering how big the plot was, with Megatron reborn and stuff, that’s pretty pathetic.

Tessa and Cade hug it out, and Stanley Tucci says he’ll help them with their whole “home blew up’ problem. Oh yeah, he’s a good guy now. Forgot to mention that with all the other crap going on.

Optimus frees the dinobots. Yeah, I heard the Dinobots were pretty useless so I’m not shocked. They looked cool they did pretty much nothing. Optimus pipes since he wasn’t here for an OPENING narration.

“The seed belongs to our creators, there remains a price on my head. I engender you all if I stay”

Finally you realize that.

“I shall take it where it will never be found”

“Will I ever see you again?”

Depends on the Box office. …Yeah, we’ll see you again.

Optimus tells the Autobots to protect the humans, and he blasts off. He flies into Space as he gives us a lame speech.

“My name is Optimus Prime, and this is my message is to my creators. Leave my Planet alone, because I’m coming for you”

Prime going after his Creators, up in space where we can have tons of cool battles? Oh that’s gonna be aw-

And the credits roll…..Of course. If that’s the premise of the next movie, I’m totally on board…as long as you finally change the creative team. Also, stop having really abrupt endings in 2 hour movies. You clearly have time to give a real ending.

Final Thoughts:

Well, that was…better than the previous two. In the same way that stepping in vomit is a bit better than stepping in dog shit. Yeah, that still kind of sucked, but in an odd way. It pretty much improves on my big complaints, but it’s really exhausting.

Seriously, even the previous films were not this tiring. It’s incredibly aimless and tiring for most of the 2nd half. The climax in the previous film, for better or worse, had weight to it, and as abrupt as the ending was, it felt like an ending.

Can’t say that here as the climax is pathetic and so is the ending. It just kind of…stops without really doing anything in the end. Lame. Let’s go over how it compares to the other films first.

For one, there’s less humor, thank god. There is some bad humor here and there but it vanishes once they kill TJ Miller. That’s one very welcome improvement in my book. Marky Mark actually fits as an action hero, despite how lame the actual character is.

There’s very little dumb fan service, at least compared to the last movie. It also follows in the footsteps of the 3rd one by giving us improved effects and action scenes. …But the robot Designs are a lot weaker this time, as a lot of them still look like crappy car pileups.

As for as the “Too much human crap” problem…it’s half and half. The story focuses more on the Robot stuff, and once the plot kicks there’s less human stuff, especially in the 2nd half….However, it makes the Humans feel even more useless than usual and the Robots are STILL not as prominent as they should be.

Hell, only Optimus really does anything, as the others are just kind of…there. Action wise, it’s fair. The action scenes are pretty decent as (mostly) usual but honestly, even the 3rd one was a bit better in this department. There are some awesome parts but the action feels a lot more aimless here, with little sense of direction. That’s always a problem with these movies but he 3rd act really makes this more of an issue.

That’s mostly due to the length. I’ve brought this up before but this film is way too damn long. The plot is simplier than the previous entry so there’s no reason for it to be 157 minutes. I know the action makes that a bit less daunting, but that goes into my exhaustion problem.

Say what you will about the Leibsman Directed (BUT ONLY BAY PRODUCTED) Ninja Turtles film (it was okay) but it was a pretty manageable length, making it’s flaws a bit more manangle. I could forgive a lot of these movies problems if they were much shorter, at least 95 minutes or so.

Moving on, let’s talk about the actual story. It’s a mixed bag, The concept is kind of neat, with Humans working with Bad Transformers, and the Autobots being on their last legs. But…as usual in the 2nd half it pretty much goes away to leave room for lots of mindless action.

The other movies have crappy nonsensical plots but they at least stick with them. This one starts out with an okay plot but it goes into the usual crap at the end. Better than usual but still weak.

Now our useless band of idiots. Also known as the characters. Cade is less annoying than Sam but he’s about as likable. He’s a typical douche-y father and in the end his arc is completely pointless. Actually, we’ll skip over Shane and Tessa because they are equally as useless. Tessa is a teenage girl…and that’s about it. Shane is…barely a character at all.

Mark’s entire arc is not only cliché but annoying and poorly written. It barely gets a payoff due to the dumb action. Either make the Humans tolerable, or pack it in!

Acting wise, Mark Walhberg is good but his lackluster materiel doesn’t help him. Not Katara has improved but still isn’t that good. As for our villains, I actually like Kelesy Gramar in this film, but he gets very little to do by the end. Too bad, he was pretty cool when he was actually on screen.

Stanley Tucci is fine but he gets a lot of dumb jokes and again, he amounts to nothing. I won’t discuss TJ Miller because they thankfully killed his character off. Granted, that means he’s incredibly useless but that’s nothing new for this movie.

Now for the Robots. Optimus …kind of sucks. Straight off the anger anducing ernding of the 3rd movie, he is now a killer. Seriously, besides killing the bad guy in the end he acts like a scoipath for most of the movie.

Yes, that is the kind of the point as he is so beaten down from the other movies that he’s starting to question his morals. That’s fine but they barely do anything with that and he comes across as too unlikable. His worst comments come after he “learns his lesson” like him flat out enslaving the Dinobots. Our hero, ladies and Genetlman.

The others…are just there. John Goodman is a big oaf and the Samurai is just racist. The other was…uh…voied by Bender and says “meat bags” in one scene. That’s about it. Lockdown was cool but of course, he does nothing.

Also, Galvatron is…there. I like the concept of him being here despite dragging Megatron into this but he ends up being pointless.

That’s another huge problem: Nothing matters. I know I usually shouldn’t care about anything in this kind of movie but they barely even try to make the events matters. In the end every character except Optimus is useless and the film just peters out under a flurry of action.

So there you go. It’s bad due to the usual problems but it’s slightly more tolerable than the last two movies. It has a few cool moments and it improves in some areas. However, it still has all the same problems and for every step it takes forward, it takes a few steps back.

But hey, they…kind of tried at least. And honestly, if they make another one and follow up on the cliffhanger of this one…MAYBE it could be decent. I’ve actually hear they plan to get a new director and writer, and if that’s true…Sign me up!

But as for this movie, it’s better…but it still sucks. …But seriously, what was with the Rainbow Dash cameo?

Grade: D

Next time, we’ll calm down something you may have heard of, but maybe not. You’ll see.

See ya.


About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
This entry was posted in Live Action Movies Based on Cartoon Reviews, Scene by Scene Reviews, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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