Hey, remember how a weird ASCII ate some of my reviews/posts? Well, it happened again. This time for no reason. I even finished the review! It was Cailou’s Holiday Movie. The movie was boring and so was the review. So yeah, ah well. I guess I just have to suck it up and move on.
Well, it’s that time of that year again. Actually, it was that time last week but the ASCII monster hates Christmas for some reason. Anyway, it’s December which means it’s Christmas time once again! Man, you gotta love this time of the year. Because it gives assholes like me a chance to talk about stupid Christmas movies!
And it also means that for the 3rd time, i get to peddle Red Ribbon Reviewers. If you don’t know what that is at this point, just got to my Batman Returns and Fred Claus reviews for details.
Being a part of RRR last year pretty cool, but this year I will do a few reviews compared to the like 7 I did last year. Cuz you know, new Schedule. So today we start my Christmas reviews with a pointless sequel to a pointless spinoff to a pointless franchise. Oh yeah, we’re finally doing that.
Last year, I buckled down and reviewed all the Buddies movies cuz Nick Fury made me or something. It’s been awhile, guys. Last December, I looked at the spin off movie known as Santa Paws. You can read my review of it for details, but you just need to know that it was bad. However, it did have it’s moments, especially in Santa’s plot.
It was both as bad as I thought it would be, and not as bad. But in the end, it was still bad, and not worth watching. So of course, they made a sequel to it! Look, we’ve had sequels to weirder movies, so I will let it slide.
In 2012, they unleashed this pointless sequel on the world. There isn’t too much to say before we go in. We have the same writers and director as usual. I’ll touch on actors when we get into it. The only weird thing to point out now is that this is a sequel to a prequel, which was also a spin off of a spin off.
So, let’s stop blabbing and see if this sequel is as bad as the first one. It probably is, but let’s give it a chance.
This, is Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups
The movie opens at the North Pole with pointless narration about Christmas or whatever. Santa Paws just had some puppies and everyone is happy to find a new way to reel in the kid audience. Santa Paws grew up to sound like a 40 year old man, which is weird. They name their kids Jingle, Charity, Hope, and Noble. Also, Santa Paws is desperately trying to be like Stan the dog, and failing so hard.
Also, they sing a pointless song. We cut to 4 months later, as they find out that kids are handful. Isn’t that so wacky?! Hope is into EXTREEEEME stuff, Jingle says (badly), and Charity is a bit selfish. Also, she’s voiced by G. Hannelius which doesn’t help my Stan comment. After some stuff, they go to school taught by Mr 30 Nights/Crash and Bernsein/iCarly Christmas episode guy.
They are learning about magic crystals, and the trouble making pup wants some …No comment.
“They hold great power, and with great power comes great responsibility”
He tells them they have to learn about being good before they can get magic crystals, which they will use to spread the joy of Christmas. he takes them to that magical iccle thing that powers the north pole and explains how it works. I didn’t pay attention to that so let’s move on. After some boring stuff, we learn that Mrs Claus has to go to some town to do some stuff cuz some ambassador died.
We cut to this town and get another song, only this one comes REALLY out of nowhere. The citizens of Pineville sing about Christmas, and honestly, it’s not a bad song. I’ve heard worse, to be honest. It’s got that classic Chirstmas feeling, and it’s kind of nice, i suppose. It’s just kind of out of nowhere.
After the song,we cut to a family as we meet this kid who doesn’t care about Christmas anymore. Yeah, I know where this is going. To make it worse, hsi sister happens to be played by that really pewcious chick from Santa Buddies, Treasure Buddies, and the first Santa Paws. I’ve ranted on her before, and how hse ruins these movies. No offense to her as a person, but she can’t act. The only time i tolerate her was in Free Birds, and she was pointless I didn’t mention her character.
Thankfully, we cut to the Santa Pups as they plan to stowaway with Mrs Claus, and bring some stolen crystals so they can grant wishes and prove that they can get crystals of their own. Yep, they’ve lovable scamps! Actually, I’ve seen worse actions in these movies. We cut back to the family, as the sister gives a speech at Dinner which is horribly sweet as it sounds. She sounds much better than in her earlier appearances, but she till makes things too …icky for me.
Carter, the boy, is all sad for reasons we likely learn later. 5 Bucks says a relative of his died or something. Anyway, Mr Claus heads off with the reindeer driven sleigh.
“Great snow balls of fire!”
They land in the town and the pups head out to do their stupid thing. First thing, they grant a little girls’ wish to skate “real good”. Well, at least they are doing good things for people. Then we cut to the that pewcious sister a Radio station performing a song. She’s gotten a lot better since Santa Buddies, but is it’s still too…sweet for my tastes.
“Isn’t her singing magical?”
Mrs Claus hears her song, and some random citizens tell her about her, through forced exposition and kind of poor acting. She visits the girl and ends up signing up for a nanny job. She’ll show up for dinner that night to talk about it with him. Back with the dogs, they give a girl two front teeth, hardy har har. They stumble upon Carter, who wishes all the Christmas spirit would go away. They accidentally grant it. Wah wah. Seriously, this is a pretty forced plot we have here.
Carter discovers that everyone is acting like a dick all of a sudden and that the Christmas spirit has indeed vanish. The pups bump into a guy who captures the pups and takes them to the pound. We head back to Carter’s plot as he goes home to clash into Mrs Clauses plot. Then it jumps back to the pups. Please don’t do the quick cuts thing. It’s feeling like Next Mutation all over again.
As it turns out, the guy who captured them is actually nice, the lack of Christmas spirit made him into a dick. We cut back to Mrs Claus, talking to the little girl and then get another song. It’s about curing the Christmas cold or some crap like that. At least the girl isn’t the main singer. It’s pretty much pointless, but not quite bad as it sounds.
The next day, the lack of spirit starts to become obvious as everyone in town is turning into a dick and Dad is giving up on the radio station. Seeign everyone being a dick is kind of funny, honestly. Also, the reason the little girl isn’t a dick is cuz the Christmas spirit is so strong in her. Gag me with a spoon.
Back at the North Pole, they find what happened, and it looks like the lack of Christmas spirit is starting to spread across the country. Hey, a decent conflict! To make it worse, some guy finds the reindeer and says he’s gonna sell them cuz he’s evil. Mrs Claus shows up and tries to cover it up by saying that she just let her deer hang out at this man’s barn. There happens to be a cop there to arrest her for that.
She is put in jail and she doesn’t have the magic needed to escape. And then it turns out those woman she talked to on the street are here too. How did they get here? They explain…in song.
…Okay. I didn’t know this would be a musical. I mean, the other songs had an story reason to exist, but this is just…out of nowhere. I couldn’t even tell you what they did get in here, I’m just listening to the song. It’s…memorable, I’ll give it that. After it happens, they just stop and it cuts to the next scene.
…I’m not even gonna say it.
We cut back to the little girl and Carter, as they mourn the loss of Christmas Spirit. Also, his Mom is indeed dead, so that clears it up. Nothing happens we we join the pups. Wait a minute, for a movie called the Santa pups, the pups aren’t in it that much. They are in it, but their plot isn’t really treated as important, while everyone else is given more attention. That’s pretty nice, I just wish everything else was a bit more even.
The pups get their crystal back and head out to save Christmas. Eli the Elf heads down to Pineville, disguising his ride as an ice cream truck. Carter and the girl notice him.
“What’s can ice cream truck doing here in the middle of December?”
Carter would be great at Cinema Sins.
Before they remember that a man showing up an ice cream talk to talk to little kids usually doesn’t turn out that well, they find out that Eli is one of Santa’s elves and they need to save Christmas and yada yada. They head down to Jail and break Mrs Claus out. Soon after, they figure out that Carter wishes for the Spirit to go away. They also found that the Pups came here, hence how Carter’s wish got granted. You know, this conflict isn’t too bad, and with Carter regretting his actions, this is an attempt at emotional depth.
It doesn’t fully work, but hey, it’s better than nothing, I suppose.
So they need a way to get the Christmas Spirit back, and they start their plan. First, they find the Pups and then head onto the Radio to do a Christmas Radio show. Carter admits, right on Radio, that this is all his fault.
“After my Mom passed away, it didn’t feel like it was right to celebrate”
See, called it! Granted, it took them 1 hour and 10 minutes to say this but I still called it!
He apologizes for this and then Dad shows up for a big emotional moment. As cliche as it is, it’s kind of nice. Then that all goes down the toilet when the girl gives us another pewcious song. This gets everyone back in the Christmas Spirit because….waffles. I don’t know, she isn’t magic and no magic is being used in general. This is just cheesy crap.
Also, she mentions Chris in this song which is just weird.
Through the power of bad writing, the song makes everything better. The Pups show and apologize for trying to do their thing.
“We have the reverse the wish that you granted Carter”
…Didn’t you just do that? I clearly saw a bunch of depressed people get happy and put up decorations. If that didn’t do it, what was the point?!
Anyway, Carter gets a wish and he wishes for everything to be back to normal. It works. It’s all big and happy, and they celebrate with another dumb Christmas song. At least this one fits. After the big number, Mrs Claus says goodbye to the kids and thanks them for helping out.
“I came here looking for one ambassador for the Santa Cause, and i found 2”
Oh yeah, that’s why you were there. It was poorly explained.
After bestowing such a high honor on them, she and the pups leave. The Pups recite the forced morals they learned and then they finally leave. They barely did anything. As they head off into the sky, we get a reprise of that first song to cap things off. Yep, it pans out and the credits roil. They padded it out enough, so it’s not too abrupt. But the climax itself was…Anti Climatic. Either way, it’s finally over.
…The Pups sing in the credits but I’m turning this off.
Well, that was just…meh. It’s better than the first, and one of the least bad things to have the Buddies name, but it still just…Meh. I’d say they tried,and that alone makes it at least bearable. But it also tries too hard at points and it’s plenty of other flaws.
As usual, we have a cliche story and weak characters, but I can let some of that slide at this point. The story gets a bit too muddle at points, and some small parts ruined what could have been interesting plot points. It feels a bit too “manufactured” to really work as intended.
I like the idea for a kid accidentally wishing away the Christmas Spirit, but the kid is too cliche for it to quite work, and it really could have worked without it being a Santa Paws movie. Also, this was a pointless sequel as it didn’t really add anything to the first one. Not that it was any good to begin with.
Most of the characters don’t give anything to talk about, so I’ll make it quick. Carter isn’t too bad but he doesn’t do anything to really save it. The girl sucks but you’ve heard me go about this before. Her acting has gotten better, but the writing of her works has not. Everyone else is just kind of there, and isn’t really interesting.
This includes the Santa Pups. Yeah, as I pointed out before, they really aren’t in the movie that much. They start the plot but the movie keeps forgetting they are in. Since they annoy me, this is a good thing, but unlike Spooky Buddies, it just feels off. And at least there, their story was capped off fine. Here, their arc just kind of ends. Like they realize they forgot to write them in more, so they had them recite their moral. Lazy.
On the bright side, there is effort put into this. There are some sweet scenes that work, and with some of the CArter parts, I see a good movie trying to escape. It just fails to escape among the lazy writing choices. Also, the songs are largely pointless, except maybe one. And seriously, what up with the song with those chicks?
There really isn’t much to say about this one. It’s just really Meh. It’s too cliche and weird to work, but it has some moments, and as odd it is, the absence of the Pups make it more tolerable. It’s just a very “meh” movie which I guess makes it better than the first. It’s just very eh.
By the way, with this we finally finish the buddies for good. At least until a new one comes out. For osme reason, there wa no Buddies Film this year, even though we’ve had for each of tg=he last feww years. It feels…empty. ..Eh, whatever.
That’s the highest grade you’ll see one of these movies get.
So, what’s next? I hope it’s good!