Rocket Monkeys-There’s no Business like Monkey Business

Hello, Spongey here.

Before the Holiday Rush begins in a few days, I wanted to get a TV review in. I need to do more of those, and you can expect some in the near future. For this one, we have something….terrible. Yeah, I’m pulling that bandage out right now. This episode is bad. But first, an introduction.

In a long list of mistakes Nick has made that lead to people calling them Satan, they aired a Canadian cartoon known only as Rocket Monkeys. It’s a Modern Canadian Cartoon, so you know it sucks. Okay, to be fair, good Canadian Cartoons exist, but then they are bad, they’re really bad. This show is…really bad. Nick has gotten flack for the likes of Breadwinners and Sanjay and Craig, but this is the worst cartoon they aired, if you ask me.

And I’m not the only with an opinion. This show has gotten some serious infamous on the internet, mostly due to two certain episodes. Seriously, in just a few months, it has a huge cult hate following. Is that a thing? It’s a thing now. The Mysterious Mr Enter got at least 20 requests to review in a matter of days, and that’s not a joke.

Why is that? Well, let me explain the basic premise: It’s Breadwinners in Space. No, really. We have one semi-serious dumbass, and annoying dumbass going on weird adventures, full of cruelty and sometimes grossout. Except while that show is simply mediocre, this one is worse. At may be not as annoying, the writing is far more generic and dull. The two leads are annoying and unlikable, and kind of act the same. While the designs and voices are enough to make Fat Duck and Tall Duck different, these guys feel the same half the time.

But all of that is small compared the horrors seen in 2 certain episodes. Today, we look at the final episode of the first season. An episode that has gained infamous as one of the worst cartoon episodes ever made. Yeah. What about the other episode? Well, i consider this one worse, and more reviewable…but we’ll talk about the events of that other one, trust me.

So, why is this episode hated so much? Let’s find out.

This, is There’s no Business like Monkey Business

Writer: Grew Lawrence

Before we start, let’s look at the theme song. It’s actually pretty catchy but the lyrics are….not good.

“They try to be heroes, but they’re easy to replace. They’re not the brightest, they’re not the best. THey’re not the coolest, they also have bad breath.”

I know some themes jokingly make fun of the title heroes, but this one litterly goes out o it’s way to tell us our leads suck at heroes. And trust me, that will become apparent in a moment.

The actual episode starts with a show called “Monkey Business”, hosted by the shows Villain, Lord Peel. He’s a talking Banana man. It’s…stupid. But he’s the best character, so I’ll take it. He’s telling us about Wally and Guss, the titular Rocket Monkeys.

“Who are they? The worst Galactic Monkeys ever! They should be banished, sent away, fired!”

I like this episode already!

To explain why, he rolls some clips. The first few clips mostly show them being a nuisance to everyone around them, and destroying everything. But the kickers with a clip featuring the 100th Birthday of an Elderly woman. They pop out of the cake and make noises so loud that she dies.

“Look, she’s happy she’s gone all stiff, and her eyes have turned into X’s!”

This is gonna suck.

Wow, we’ve already got the most mean, cruel thing in any cartoon ever, and we just started. I mean, we just saw our “heroes” be really annoying, and KILL someone…and notice or care at all. I repeat: They KILLED someone. This is a kids’ show, right?!

The past episodes have shown them as unlikable jerks, but this episode goes out of it’s way to prove that they suck. But let’s think for a second. Any episode can be someone’s first, and imagine that this is someone’s first episode. It was mine, and many others. It starts with our heroes doing nothing good, and killing someone.

In the context of this episode, there’s no reason to like these characters. And these are the guys we’re supposed to root for. What. I’d say more, but it actually gets WORSE.

Back to the “plot’, we have the monkeys watching this on TV>

“Man, we look good on TV”

I hate you.

Peel continues with his show, and says his plan is to humiliate the monkeys so much that they are driven out of this galaxy. So he hates the Monkeys, mostly for the genuinely bad things they do. He’s the villain.

???

The leader of the agency the monkeys work for gets a ton of Emails from people raging about what they saw on the show. He says if they mess up again, they are fired, so they decided act like serious heroes. Of course, this goes badly.

We get a short montage of them failing to do heroic deeds. However, this is all accidents, so i can forgive it…for now. The leader guy asks them to take a fruit basket to an orphanage to get in everyone’s good graces again.

“We’re gonna look so good!”

They just admitted they are doing this to make them look good, not cuz they feel bad for what they did. Ugh.

They get there, and find a crying kid. They get out the basket…but it turns out Wally ate all the food. He knowingly ate food meant for orphans. I don’t like these guys.

They were recording all this, so it everyone gets an eyeful of what they did. Lord Peel shows up to gloat, but thanks to Wally, he gets seriously injured. He needs to go to the hospital, but the monkeys decide to take him in to prove to everyone they can do good.

“We’re gonna take you back to our rocket shop and nurse you back to health, no matter how long it takes!”

It’s nice that they gonna take care of someone who hates them, even if it’s for attention but…this is where the episode gets really bad. It doesn’t help that it’s an even worse version of Breadwinners’ “From Bad To Nurse”.

And Gus starts eating part of Peel. He tries to eat a living being right after saying he’ll take care of them. ….He’s still the villain.

Anyway, then we get a lot of Lord Peel torture porn! First, Wally trips and Peel is doused in boiling hot soup. Twice. And he is oblivious to his pain. I…won’t say it yet. We’re not quite there yet.

“Look at me, an innocent Banana.”

At this point, I really don’t know how someone can write this and say these are our heroes. If the fact that they suck as heroes is meant to be funny….it’s not. It’s really not.

Next, they give him a sponge bath….with evil sponges that attack him. You know, it’s hard to believe they have good intentions if they are dumb enough to not know when crap like this is not helper. The soup thing can be excused as an honest mistake, but this is…not excusable.

We get more torture for him, which gets pretty damn cruel, and hard to watch. And i thought Gumball’s The Promise had bad Banana torture! Seriously, it gets a tad gruesome, seeing him in pain for a lot of the episode. At one point, he gets a thermometer stuck up his ass. …COMEDY!

After this montage, Peel gives us and just tries to destroy them the old fashioned way, with a laser. Woo hoo, go Peel! …And it turns out to be part of Peel’s show.

“We were in the studio?”

That…makes no sense. To make it worse, his show got canceled.

“The good news is, they love new clients! You’re a hit, boys!”

So people hated that earlier montage of the monkeys being dicks, but seeing them torture an innocent man made them stars? WHERE’S THE LOGIC IN THAT?! And yes, they jsut came out on top, for no reason, after all that.

I don’t like this show.

However, after seeing Lord Peel get all sad, they ask that he get a part on the show. That’s nice…until we see their annoying show, where Peel’s part is basically serving as their lunch. Yes, they starting eating him.

“Well, it’s still show business”

The episode ends with them eating an innocent man. Yes, it ends there. Weak plot, i must say. But that’s not the worst part. Wanna hear it? Well, remember that other episode i mentioned?

Well, it’s called “I am not a Banana”. It was the first episode. Keep that in mind. In that episode, they are captured by Lord Peel, and he tells us his backstory. He was a nice, normal, innocent Banana man. But one day, Wally and Gus started stalking him, and constantly attempted to eat him. They tortured him and even said this in a phone call”

“Take off your peel”

All of this torment made Peel turn into a bad guy, and now he tries to take out the monkeys who made him this way.

The main characters of the show harrased and attempted to eat an innocent man, and causeds him to turn to evil, and didn’t notice or care about their actions.

OUR. FUCKING. HEROES, LADIES-

And actually, No, I’m doing that thing. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! This is the worst case of Designated Hero I’ve ever seen, and it makes this episode even worse. ….Let me wrap this up.

Final Thoughts:

Okay, this wasn’t the most annoying or painful thing to watch, but it is pretty painful at times. It’s the writing that makes this as bad as everyone says. But it becomes worse after watching the first episode. They made him like this, and when he tries to expose them for the idiots they are, he is punished and they are rewarded.

Who’s the good guy here? The leads do nothing good, and torture innocent people, and only do good to benefit themselves. The bad guy was turned evil by them and is only trying to stop them, cuz they are actually bad people. How is the villain?!

I just don’t get it. The episode itself is bad. We get really painful and cruel torture, and the plot is confused. It’s really rushed and it has two bad plots mashed together. The monkeys come out on top for no reason at all, and it’s just bad. If the writers knew that these guys were not heroes, and tried to make it funny, they failed. It’s not fun to watch at all, and it really don’t fit a children’s show at all.

It’s bad on it’s own, but when you consider the writing, and why Peel is like this, it becomes the worst thing ever. It’s bad guys. This show is just bad. The leads are annoying, it’s really generic, and 2 episodes alone are among the cruelest pieces of animation ever made. Yes, worse than One Coarse Meal and it’s kin. It’s that bad.

That’s all I got, guys. Wally and Gus, rot in hell.

Grade: D

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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4 Responses to Rocket Monkeys-There’s no Business like Monkey Business

  1. The Worst Cartoon I have ever seen, alongside of Numb Chucks. Some of my friends have labeled it as Numb Chucks 2. Not an understatement.

  2. This is really THE worst cartoon I have ever seen. Makes some of the other cartoons out there look O.K. compared to this pathetic, irrelevant and immoral piece of Junk.

  3. Bad Santa says:

    If you don’t like Rocket Monkeys you have absolutely no ability to find humour in anything.

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