Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior

London Tipton: Ass Kicker

London Tipton: Ass Kicker

 

 

Hello, Spongey here.

Wow, another DCOM already? Yep, I didn’t even wait a month to do another one. Hey, blame Random. Org but picking “Random DCOM” from the list, and Wendy Hu from the list of DCOM’s I gotta do.

Anyone here’s one I’ve been waiting to do. I remember watching it but all I remember is the amazing title. And the fact that London is in it. Just look at the title, and poster. How could I resist this movie?

But of course, I’ll won’t know how amazing it untul I shut up and start it. But first a few things. We have 4 others, 2 I don’t know, and 2 who were writers for Wizards of Waverly Place. So I think we’re in good hands.

It got a tad of attention due to the the stereotypical stuff in it, but the reviews Wikpedia cites say it’s fine. So there is that. Besides, it’s not like we’ll ever see Brenda Song involved in a joke where where she is forced to dress as a slutty schoolgirl to impress some chinese dude.

That would be stupid.

Anyway, there isn’t much else to say this time. Let’s see how far an amazing title takes you.

This, is Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior’

The movie opens in China, with some dudes fighting. It’s this guy named Shen and his pals and they are interrupted by this Monk dude.

It is time. The evil Yan Lao has awakened and he is on his way”

That was fast.

He gives a Shen a box, and he tells him to get “her”” He opens a scroll which has the face of the woman they are looking for. And it of course it’s the titular Wendy, played by Brenda Song. We cut to her at school as she deals with school things.

She’s like London if she had a bit more of a brain. So…nothing like London. One of her friends is crying about her crappy life.

Why can’t I have your perfect life, Wen? You’re the most popular girl in school, everyone’s gonna vote for you for homecoming queen, and you’re boyfriends perfect”

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Her “perfect” boyfriend pops up, and so does the chick running against Wendy for homecoming queen.

Everything I do, she has to do’

Looks like we have our Alpha-Bitch!

She’s giving away cookies and of course, Wendy gets pissed when her boyfriend, Austin takes one. Wendy bitches about Jessica to her Mom, saying she always has to one up her.

I did a report on Florida, she did hers on Texas, just because it’s bigger”

.Too easy.

Mom tells her to start focusing on her responsibilities at home, and stuff. She just ignores that and we move on. Stuff happens, and that night, Shen shows up on Wendy’s doorstep.

He says she is an anicent warrior sworn to fight evil, or something. Wow, they actually didn’t waste him. It took 10 minute to get to the plot instead of the usual way too long.

Somehow, the two end up fighting and Wendy actually holds her own. Infact, she wins and kicks him out! Awesome!

We cut to the museum as an evil spirit pops out of a thingy they just got and possess a guard. Wendy’s brother happens to be there (I think Mom works there or something), mostly so the evil spirit can find out about Wendy. It jumps into the brother’s body and leaves.

Wendy tells her friend, on the phone, about Shen and wait, she doens’t call the police on a guy who said went into her house and fought her?

Jessica probably sent him to scare me”

…Sure this isn’t London?

Speaking of Jessica, Wendy is watching the Weather on TV (like every teenage girl) when Jessica pops up as the guest weather person.

Be sure to pick up your Jessica for homecomijng queen cupcakes tomorrow!”

She says to all the teenage girls who watch the…actually since the “most popular girl in school” is, maybe everyone is. Later that night, the brother….or rather the spirit in his body, pops up to do evil things but Shen pops up to fight him.

The fight scenes in this Disney Channel movie are good. A Sentence I never thought I would type.

This fight scene is cool because they can’t wake Wendy up, so it’s rather silent and stuff. Very nice. Eventually, the spirit leaves the brother because he lost, I think.

The next morning, after Mom and Wendy leave, Shen shows up to get this necklace he left there, and it turns out Wendy’s Grandmother, who I forgot to mention, knows what is going on. Sort of. She’s all like “Protect her and the neclace thing, k?” and he’s like “got it”. Whatever.

He has to get it to Wendy, so he takes a ltitle girls bike to catch to Wendy. The badass from the last scene is on a girls bike. Yes. He doesn’t catch up to her and we cut to Wendy playing soccer a bit later.

She seems to be discovering her hidden badass powers as she awesomely kicks the ball right into Jessica’s stomach ,which sends her flying into the goal. It’s a hilarious effect. I laughed at loud.

I should mention thay Jessica is not a bitch. She is shown to be perky and stuff, and it looks Wendy is just being all jelly. I’m sure Jessica will become a bitch later. But for now, the spirit jumps into the Principal’s body.

Shen catches up to Wendy and explains that it is his destiny to help her. He’s been reincarnated many times to help the descanted of the Yin warrior.

‘Yoda this is getting a bit too sTar Wars-y for me’

Hardy har har.

Every 90 years, the spirit of Yan Lo breaks free to challenge to next descendant of the Yin Warrior. And this time, that happen to be Wendy. A bit cliché but way cooler than most DCOM’s.

She gets it now but she still isn’t up for any Kung fu Training. Nah, she’s up for the ‘I’m not the amazing person you’re looking for” cliché. So he leaves and comes back tomorrow to give her the Medallion.

Evil is here!”

TRAILER LINE.

She stil rejects it, and by the way, the spirit is in a teacher now (why he downgraded is anyone’s guess), and Shen knows. So of course he doesn’t tell Wendy because reasons!

Also, Wendy has been telling people Shen is her cousin and people just accept it.

Go check to see if the bathroom is safe for me”

Good idea”

…He seriously fell for that?

A few minutes later, he exists the Woman’s bathroom, saying “Toliet now safe” …Eh, that’s kind of funny.

Anyway, my prediction of Jessica becomijng a bitch comes tree as she reminds Wendy that she is failing one class, so she can’t run for Homecoming Queen. She says it in a very bitch-y way. Yes, she is somewhat attractive why do you ask.

So now Wendy has to pass a Midterm in World History to get her grade up. That’s our bi problem now, even with an evil spirit on the loose. Yay.

Shen agrees to tutor her if she takes the Medlian and does Kung Fu Training. Oh yeah, now we’re getting somewhere!

‘You don’t “do” kung fu. It is a way of life”

Did you take that from a movie?”

…It sounded better when Jakie Chan said it”

Okay, that was funny.

Now it’s time for a TRAINING MONTAGE…with montage music WEAKER than the track in Coud 9. How do you do that? Either way, it’s the kind of montage where they still suck at the end. So they move on to World History.

The history of China is within her and she must use Meditation to remember it. So she starts doing that in her spare time and boom, she remembers the history and passes the test.

.That was fast. It’s almost like that part was pointless!

Even after all that, she’s still caring more about the Homecoming stuff than her training. Yeah, if a lesser actor played her (lesser by Disney standards, anyway) then she would be kind of unlikable.

Anyway, Wendy talks to her Grandma about Chinese stuff. She finds out that she knows about the stuff going on, and Shen pops up. Mom and Dad pop up and of course Grandma lies and says Shen is her nephew on her 2nd cousins father’s side. Nice one.

There’s a bunch filler with the family getting to knew Shen, Wendy takes Shen to the mall for a SHOPPING MONTAGE! It’s pointless but oh wait it’s not cuz she made him look cool so people at school would be okay with him.

Shallow-ness brings everyone together!

Wendy and Shen bond and of course Shen learns stuff from here. I think they are pulling this off fine, but come on, I came here to see action!

They about their feelings, and Wendy says she doesn’t really love Austin, her boyfriend. So much for the upcoming Disney sitcom, Austin and Wendy. Also, Shen’s destiny is to perish during the big battle. Geez, spoilers!

Also, I love that a common cliché is part of his destiny.

Anyway, Shen’s cool with dying and they go to some wild teen party. Austin is totes Jelly of shen. Wendy tells him it’s over. Isn’t the fate of the world at stake or something?

Wendy goes off to cry about all this stuff going on, (when Shen doesn’t see for osme reason) and then that evil spirit goes inside her best friend (who I haven’t mentioned) and actually tries to do something.

He’s had like 5 chances to kill her and he’s done nothing until now. I’d say lamest evil spirit ever, but he’s doing something now. It pulls out a green ball thing and Shen pops up to know it out of it his…her..it’s hands. The spirit inside the friend falls in the pool and our heroes leave.

Yeah, lamest spirit every. Then said spirit goes inside our Alpha Bitch. Woo hoo!

We cut to Wendy and Shen as he says they shall start the last step of her traning. Last step? All she’s done is fail in a montage!

He uses magic to summon a dude who will help her. She has to fight and she’s like lolno cuz he hasn’t done anything to her and their right in the open for everyone to see.

So the dude goes into the body of Wendy’s coach to train her. You could have just….found a secluded spot instead of doing this. This works though because they just use normal ways of training her.

It’s not a montage but it’s still pretty awesome. This all leads to a scene with Wendy fighting a master in the body of a teacher, and it’s pretty cool. She kicks some ass and now she’s a Yin Warrior. Only took 2 full training scenes. Granted this one lasted like 7 minutes but still. We’ve got 20 minutes to go, by the way.

Wendy wins the race for homecoming queen (she finds out cuz her friend is on the committee) and everything is happy. She asks Shen to be her date to the dance, because of course she does.

But it turns out that big battle where Shen dies is tomorrow, the same as Homecoming. Gee, I didn’t see that coming. He kind of knew that the whole time he didn’t tell her because he was afraid she wouldn’t train,

Yeah, I call bullshit. If I knew my teacher guy was gonna die during my big epic battle, I’d still train, homecoming or not. Then again, I’m practical like that. Either way, he lied for no reason, yay!

She’s pissed and oh crap, it’s that cliché. Bah.

The next night, she’s getting ready for homecoming.

‘Battle evil on the most important day of my life? Get real”

Yeah, you can bitch about her being a bitch yourself,

So what if evil takes over? The world’s already evil”

That would explain Brickleberry.

Yan Lao, the spirit, finally does something, (while in the Alpha Bitch) and brings some terricorite warriors from the musems to lfie. Wait, oru villain posses the Alpha Bitch for a good chuck of the movie? They’re ripping Girl Vs Monster before it existed!

Shen shows up to fight since Wendy is out and he gets his ass handed to him. Seeing the Alpha Bitch fight is amazing, by the way.

The monks in the bodies of the teachers pop up to tell Wendy to go fight. She’s like lolno until she finds out Shen left to fight on his own. Um, duh. Evil is afoot, did you think he was just gonna give up?

So she and the monks (who don’t leave the teachers for some reason) head over for the big battle. And so she starts kicking ass with Shen and it is amazing. It’s the best fight scene in DCOM history. That’s a sentence I can say

The “teachers’ join in and it gets even more amazing. Yeah, you can nitpick the way the fight scenes are shot all you want, but it’s still amazing, and I gotta appreciate the effort that went into these fight scenes. The music helps too.

The fact that Wendy vs Jessica is a cat fight does not hurt either. After a long fight, Wendy pulls out some magic stuff and boom, the spirit leaves Jessica. It was a long fight so it’s not an Anti-Climax.

Jessica leaves, dazed, and the spirit comes back and forms a big ass stone warrior thing. Oh yeah, Shen hasn’t died yet so of course it’s not over. Yay!

We get more action and it seems like Shen is gonna die but Wendy ain’t having that shit. She uses …magic shit to bring him back to life. Wow, that was a blantant cop out if I ever saw that. Eh, still better than the way it was done in Dragonball Evolution.

So together they kick Yan Lao’s ass and he explodes. Now tha’ts a climax. It went on longer then it should, but that’s way better than usual for movies I review, even the good ones.

You changed my destiny”

You can do that? Weird.

Yan Lao has been destroyed forever, the legend is over”

How?”

‘/By something you could never teacher a true Yin warrior, true sacrifice for the world, and a friend”

You can teach sacrifice. Either way, the plot says the evil is gone, and this is Shen’s last life. Guess they didn’t want a sequel….except they did and it just got canceled.

So they hug and they leave to do things. Roll credits.

Eh, a bit abrupt, but okay. It does open up questions like….what’s happening at Homecoming? Is she still queen? I honeslty though the fight would be AT the dance, cuz that’s how this story usually goes.

Ah well, it’s over.

Final Thoughts:

I got what I wanted, so I’m happy. As far as DCOM’s go, it’s more on the average side, but it has something the others don’t, so it’s a bit better than most. Infact, it’s the most enjoyale Guilty Pleasure DCOM I’ve done outside of the HSM series.

See this handy ruler for details!

guilty_pleasure_dcom_ruler_by_spongey444-d7w1c1l

The story goes in the directions you expect, but aside from not explaining the magic shit, there’s nothing wrong with it. It goes spend too much time on the Non-Training stuff, but the amount of action we get makes up for it.

While it is to China what Luck of the Irish was to Ireland, that’s a good thing since it’s not really…negatively offensive. The main character learns to embrace their heritage and ass is kicked.

The characters are typical as well. Wendy is a teen who must train to kick ass and learn that her teen stuff isn’t important. While she is a bit of a bitch at points, she learns her lesson at the end. Brenda Song does a pretty good job too, proving she can be good when not stupid.

Shen is there to be the wise guy hwo loosens up ,and he’s the most likable character for that reason. The Grandma is…just there, and so are the other character. The Alpha-Bitch is fun though she doens’t get much to do before she becomes amazing.

The villain is….evil. That’s about it, but he’s cool enough. The film itself is enjoyable in between the fight scenes thanks to some amusing stuff, and the acting. It does get a bit tideous but it’s fine.

Of course, the fight scenes are the real star. While it isn’t shot all that well, you can see what is going on and the fighting itself is still pretty good. They are fun to watch and we get way more than I expected. They are pretty awesome and it makes up for some of the stuff in between.

Overall, there’s nothing too bad about it despite some stuff here and there. It’s typical but has heart and awesome action. It’s a lot of fun and I say check it out If the concept appeals to you.

I won’t give a separate rating. I’ll just say the person rating and leave.

Grade: B

Next time….I don’t know how to hint it so I’ll just say it: The Simpsons Movie.

Bye.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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