(My last attempt went south, but hopefully this one doesn’t get eaten. By the way, Mr Enter’s Birthday happens to be coming up so….there’s that)
Universe 721-The Mysterious Mr Enter
This was inevitable. G3 of My Little Pony is a regular customer, and Newborn Cuties aka G3.5 is even more infamous. I had to tackle it eventually, and that time has come. Most of you know about it, but I’ll explain what it is.
While Regular G3 had SOME effort put into it, since it Direct to DVD and had somewhat of a budget, Newborn Cuties was nothing more than a cheap web toon with no budget or effort whatsoever. The fact that I found very little information on this thing, shows just how much they cared.
I don’t like to say something had NO effort into it, as even something like Breadwinners had some level of effort put into it. Even if wasn’t nearly enough. This, however, is the cloest to no effort you’ll ever see. And that fact that it’s an officaly part of MLP history is just…sad.
But enough talking, let’s take a look at Over two Rainbows and see where this failed. It starts with a little trip into some of the worst animation you’ll ever see. Seriously, everything looks so flat and basic. It feels unfinished.
And that’s just the background and general landscape. We see a pony reading a story book and I’m pretty sure she’s dead. Oh wait, the animators just couldn’t afford any actual movements. She tells us the story of when SweetieBelle came to ponyville. Joy.
We see our young ponies as Rainbow Dash is being her fashionable self. It still hurts to say that. After more bad animation, we find out that the ponies mouths don’t move. No, seriously. Their traps are shut the entire time.
They were that fucking lazy. Even the other short managed to mouth their mouths a bit!
“We won’t Rainbow Dash, it’s totally fantablous”
The voice acting sucks too. Like I said, no effort.
Their party is interrupted by an incoming storm, and after more Non-Animation, we see that there is literately no rain at all even though they say they almost got soaked. Seriously, you couldn’t draw a few rain drops?
When the world’s shortest storm ends, the result is two rainbows. No, I won’t make the joke because it’s currently 2014.
“When color and light comes together,….that’s where real magic is born!”
Out from the….you know what, comes a little pony. Wait, what?
“It could be a fairy. Or a dragon”
U R dum.
“It’s a baby!”
You heard that right. Baby ponies are born from rainbows. That….raises so many questions that I won’t get into them. But I do have one: Did I just watch a rainbow sex scene?
“Yeah, Unicorn. But what about my scarf?”
I hate you.
The baby responds by-
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
…Sorry about that.
“I need to get to my totally fantablous scarf”
You just witness new life being born into the world. It’s a bit more important than your fucking scarf!
The baby uses her magic to put Rainbow in a bubble, and she pops her out. There aren’t any sound effects either. Did ANYONE care about this thing?
“Cute, what does cute have to do with anything? She isn’t even supposed to be here”
“She’s a Unicorn, and everypony in Ponyville knows that Unicorns being in Unicornia”
And now we can kind of add “Racist” to the least of reasons this Rainbow Dash sucks.
“I think someone woke up on the wrong side of the crib”
By the way, where are these kids parents?
Rainbow and the baby exchange creepy faces, and they say that Sweetie likes her.
“You know I also like? My scarf”
SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR FUCKING SCARF.
Sweetie fixes Rainbow’s scarf, so now she likes her. Glad to know you don’t like people until they benefit you and only you.
“Thank you, Sweetie…Burp?”
“She’s no Sweetie Burp, she’s a Sweetie Belle”
Did I really just hear that?
“She’s our magical Sweetie belle!”
Then Sweetie does her own fashion show, with more Non-Animation.
“Rainbow Dash may have lost the spotlight that day, but she gained something even better. We all did! Our wonderful little Sweetie Belle. The End”
Yes, that’s really the end. The ponies play, Sweetie pops out of a rainbow, she pisses off Rainbow, fixes her scarf, and that’s it. So little happened that I’m just gonna cover the over short to make this review longer. Also, Andrea Libman was Sweetie Belle. Yes, actual actors with actual careers worked on this and said yes to it. What.
So Many Different ways to Play starts out with a tea party hosted by Pinkie Pie. It has the same crappy animation, but as I said before, they actually animate the mouths this time. Apparently this was the first one they did, which means this shit actually got WORSE.
We even have sound effects, except they are so annoying I wish I didn’t bitch about it before. Pinkie’s Mom drops off her friend Cheerlie, who brought her little sister, Scootaloo. Yes, Cheerlie is the same as Pinkie and Scootaloo is her sister. Just roll with it.
“Yay yay, wonderful”
The voice is mostly better but Scootaloo is the exception.
“Would you care to join our most pinkilicous tea party?
This prompts Scootaloo to say “Party” over and over again and jump around like a crazy pony. I hate her already.
They ditch the tea party and bring out a picture book. But Scootaloo ruins that by switching the light on and off.
She continues to do annoying things, cementing as the worst pony in a sea of awful characters. Seriously, she never shuts the fuck and does nothing by annoy everyone else.
‘From now on, maybe your Mom should buy sugar free oatmeal”
“Aren’t we having fun?”
They take the tea party outside, which works better because it allows Scotaloo to jump around without actual damaging anything. Unless you count my ears.
“Sometimes doing your own thing can be a lot of fun. But playing together. That’s what it’s all about. The end”
Wait, what? That’s it. Even the first one had SOMETHING happen. This was….NOTHING. Scootaloo came by, she did annoying shit, and they played outside. That’s it! Even normal G3 TRIED to have substance!
By the way, both of these end with the intro in reserve. They were that lazy. And that was all over Newborn Cuties, besides that one special but that’s for another time. It made normal G3 look like Twilight’s Kingdom.
It has NOTHING of substance at all. The animation was almost non existent, the characters were either bland or unlikable, and both stories were incredibly light. I couldn’t decide which was worse. Over Two Rainbows got me angrier, but So Many different ways to Play had even less substance.
It doesn’t matter, because of them had no redeeming value whatsoever. And I don’t hate it because it’s not G4. Even if I disliked Friendship is Magic, I would still hate this pandering, dumb down, piece of pony shit.
This represents everything wrong with cartoons for little girls. Hell, kids in genreal. It was made to amuse little girls and that’s it. There was no effort to do anything even remoetly interesting. I don’t require it to have as much adult appeal as FiM. I just want to talk to kidsat their level. Is that so much to ask?
Thankfully, this kind of crap isn’t made as much anymore. Even those Barbie and Monster High cartoons look like some effort went into them, at least compared to this crap. If you excuse me, I’m gonna try to forgot this ….thing ever fucking existed.
My Little Pony Newborn Cuties is Property of Hasbro
Animated Atrocities is property of The Mysterious Mr Enter aka Jonathan Enter
Over Two Ranbows was written by Jeanne Romano and Bonnie Solomon
So many different ways to play was written by James Faar. It kind of makes sense that the one with less plot had only one writer.
(The anger shown here is a both a combo of my own feelings, and just me trying to say what he would say. I was just gonna cover OTR but it gave me so little that I had to do the other one. By the way, I think the only reasons Enter hasn’t covered this is cuz …..even he has standards? Wait no, he watched Fresh Heir. ….I don’t know then. This thing was pretty bad but eh, still better than Brickleberry.)
(Next time, we stick with Mr Enter, because I gotta cleanse my mind with an Admiration Animation)
ELESEWORLD MONTH WILL CONTINUE