(The next Elseworlds Month was gonna be an Animated Atrocities on Brickleberry but the ASCII monster ate it. I had to watch the pilot twice to do the review. I watched a Bricklberry episode twice for nothing. Fuck. …Anyway, instead, have a reviewer none of you have heard of. Look him up, I’m doing him twice for a reason)
Universe 714-Norty Defends
And Welcome to Norty Defends. …Sometimes I hate using the reviewer I’m covering’s opening phrase. Anyway, today we’re defending a film from a reviewer a lot of you have never heard of. Then again, if you’re desperate enough to watch me, you must have looked through every other reviewer already.
Anyway, I’m talking about fightingleaf, creator of “You’re Gonna Regret: Children’s Movie reviwers”. Nowadays he does reviews as himself, but this is the show he became known for. It stars a boring Ninja dude and an annoying wolf puppet. No seriously, these are the hosts. This could either be good or bad.
It’s….neither. The problem with him is that these two extremes don’t really work. You either have to face bland-ness or obnixious-ness. You don’t want either. On top of that, they pick pretty easy targets. Cars 2, Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Smurfs, that kind of stuff. Of course, that doesn’t make him bad, it just makes him….typical. In a weird way.
He can be pretty entertaining at times, but other times he’s very annoying. Not to mention that he seems more interested in making dumb jokes than giving us actual reviews. And before anyone says anything, at least Nostalgia Critic and others, have more to them.
There’s nothing wrong with that, but it does bug me sometimes. Thankfully, his choices tend to make sense…..except the one we’re talking about today. And that film he chose to rip into is….The Spongebob SquarePants Movie.
Now, The Spongebob Movie isn’t a cinematic masterpiece by any stretch, but I think it’s a solid family flick that represents the show well. Insert Post Movie slam here. It’s just an odd choice, since most people like it. Of course, it’s fine if he hates it, as long as he gives good reasons and make it enjoyable for the films fans.
If that was true, I wouldn’t be here right now. So let’s look at his review of The Spongebob SquarePants Movie, and see who fails in a….house…over the …sea. ….Just start it.
The review starts with some stuff, and then we get his intro….which was made by Brental Floss. Okay, that’s awesome. Credit where credit is due. After that, it turns out the review will have some other guy too. I don’t know, I don’t watch his stuff often.
As you know, the film opens with live action pirates finding treasure.
“It’s full of tickets to a film we’re already watching”
“I imagine this was included to prevent the audience from walking out too early”
….I don’t get it.
“It’s like saying “oh the pirates, like this movie, so will you!”
…really? That’s what you’re going with? If you’re gonna bitch about something, nitpick the fact that they have like 8 tickets and about 20 pirates. I don’t know, something that makes sense!
“Those aren’t even enough tickets”
….You win this round.
“What are tickets for a new movie doing in a treasure chest?”
That’s the joke.
After the movie proper starts, he gets to the bit where Mr Krabs says he’s wiaitng for the manager.
“Shouldn’t he already be there if he’s the manager?”
Hey, a good point! Glad you could do it.
After the (Spoilers) dream ends, Spongebob does stuff, the guys make some okay points but all that is covered up in the main issue I pointed out before. The main guy is just too bland for my tastes, and that wolf puppet never shuts up. It’s hard to take any of points seriously when we have this to listen to.
They bitch about the Goofy Goober song, yet this is fine. Whatever. He moves to the moment of truth where Mr K announces the manager of the Krusty Krab 2. Spoilers, it’s Squidward, not Spongebob
‘Because he’s just a kid. A kid whose been working for him for 30 years and is a bigger manchild than Toby Sevile from the Squeakuel!”
You ALMOST made a good point until the end. Mr K picking Squidward makes no sense, but it looks like Mr Leaf is more interested in referencing other reviews he did to make a decent point.
Anyway, Plankton visits King Neptune.
“Cuz, that’s the only underwater names the writers could think of using”
Did you expect them to use anything else? Neptune (Or Poseidon if the prefer) is god of the Sea. It makes perfect sense to make him the ruler. Even If it means making him a King and confusing the fans of the show.
“Not to be confused with Neptune the god in the show”
Oh hey, he pointed it out. And he gets that they are two different characters! Nice.
So Plankton steals the King’s crown, and the reviews moves on to Spongebob at the Goofy Goober nut bar where SB and Patrick get drunk on Ice Cream. Yes, for all you who have yet to see the film, they get drunk. At least our reviewers doesn’t make the obvious joke here. SO, SB and Pat go on a binge.
“All this is trying to do is make funny noises in the hopes that it somehow becomes funny”
Eh, that’s almost a good point, but not quite. The joke is that they are going through Ice Cream like mad, and getting drunk. It’s not just noises, a lot of the Comedy here simply focuses on the absurdity of it all. Plus, the deadpan waiter.
“Why do I always get the nuts?”
Close, but no cigar.
After stuff you know about, even if you haven’t seen the movie SB and Pat head off on their epic quest to get Neptune’s Crown, and they just keep bitching about the film being annoying rather than saying anything interesting.
“It’s dumb and a waste time, much like the rest of this movie”
And this review. …Come on, I had to.
SB and Pat end up in the bathroom of a Thug Guy bear (Don’t ask), and after yet more bitching, he gets to that bit where Squidward tells Plankton he knows of his plan.
“Why did he tell him instead of Neptune, the ruler of the land?”
Another good point! And that’s the main problem with this review. He has decent points at times, but he seems to prefer bitching and nitpicking. A lot of them, he bitches about stuff that is the JOKE. He doesn’t have to find it funny, but he also doesn’t have to take it so seriously.
But whatever, let’s move on. SB and Pat end up singing about being men in a trench. I’m skipping a lot because most of the review just has them bitching instead of reviewing. I feel like I’m covering the movie more than the review. Then again, their review also contains too much explaining at some points, and when they break for a joke, it’s just more screaming. They bitch about the film’s noise, but that’s all these guys contribute to the review!
After a meeting with Alec Baldwin’s best role, the heroes are taken by a diver. They say that the cyclops being a driver is one of the few things in the film that makes sense. Oh, I’m sorry your movie about a talking Sponge lacks logic.
SB and Pat are taken to his evil land gift shop, where they are put under a hot lamp. For some reason, our reviewer skips over the segment where they accept death because they find out the crown is here, meaning they achieved their goal which no one thought they would do, which is all that matters to them.
…Yes. Why did they skip over the proof that this film is more mature than they give it credit for? Probably to convince their viewers the film is worse than it is. I mean, you think they would at least mention the crown being there. Instead, they bitch about their tears bringing them back to life.
…Okay, that was kind of stupid.
Then they rush through the rest of the film. Wait, what? That makes sense when other reviews do it, but not here. There’s quite a bit to discuss and instead they just go through everything for no reason.
Granted, it’s not to heartbreaking to skip over the return of Denis and all that, but no lingering on DAVID HASSELHOFF? Come on! Hell, he even skims through Goofy Goober rock! Seriously, your not even gonna bitch about the blatant Deus ex machina? You may as well do that at this point.
Not to mention that none of that will make sense to your reviewers that haven’t seen the film. In some cases, skipping stuff is fine but perhaps explaining the …interesting SB saves the day is necessary. Just saying.
“SpongeBob gets to be the manager, which is never mentioned in the show ever again-”
I can let this slide cuz not everyone looks up this stuff, but if you did research ,you would know the film takes place after everything in the show. Just saying.
Anyway, they end the summary of the film.
“This is the part of the review where I tell you what’s wrong with this movie”
This is the part of the review where I explain the obvious.
“it relied too heavily on lowest common denominator humor”
Eh, fair enough.
“It felt like the authors weren’t even trying to be clever”
I don’t know, there’s more than just dumb gags. As I explained before, there’s more to the humor than noise. Besides, you don’t need high class humor to be funny.
His other points make a bit more sense, besides saying they talk about the message too much. Even though they only mention it when it’s needed, and it fits in the story and it’s not intrusive at all.
He says his issue with the franchise as a whole is SpongeBob himself cuz he’s annoying. Eh, fair enough. As the Sponge himself said, we all can’t like the same things.
And that’s the end of the review. Eh, that’s as much detail as a review like this needs.
This review was very…uneven. It’s not as bad as I originally thought it was, but it could have been better. Sometimes, he has decent points and I’m okay with him finding the film annoying, cuz all humor is subjective. However, a lot of the review just has him bitching instead of making said points. Here’s that side of the review in a nutshell..
“THIS IS ANNOYING. NOW WATCH ME BE EVEN MORE ANNOYING”
I don’t expect anything in depth given his style, but more of the good points would be nice. Also, at times his complaints are nitpicky, and it seems like he’s missing the point. I skipped some of that as it’s part of the bitching. I think the bit about the chest of tickets was enough.
Also, did I mention the wolf thing is annoying? He has his moments but most of the time he just screams. Yet he bitches about the films noise. Wow. Anyway, the review wasn’t the worst, as I see where he’s coming from a tad, which is more than I can say for other reviewers on the same budget.
However, it has too much annoyance and bitching to make it good. This tends to plague his reviews but it’s worse here. He’s not bad, but I’m glad he’s doing reviews without the wolf thing now.
So yeah, check out his other reviews if he seems appealing, but given the amount of dislikes, this review ain’t anyone’s cup of tea. Just search “You’re gonna regret it Spongebob movie” on YouTube to see the review if you’re curious at all.
But hey, it’s the only Spongebob Movie discussion of any kind without a post movie slam. That’s something.
….I wish he had a closing catchphrase.
Norty Defends belongs to Kyle Northup.
You’re Gonna Regret it Belongs to fightleaf, cuz I’m too lazy to look up his real name.
(This one was done in one sitting. Way easier than I expected it to be. I guess it makes up for the week I spent sitting on a review that got trashed. Next time, it’s more Norty but this time, it’s a different show of his. …BY the way, I’m still bitter about the Brickleberry thing. )
ELSEWORLDS MONTH SHALL CONTINUE