Hello, Spongey here.
Yes, I skipped 2 review rotations.. But don’t worry, I’m officially a High School graduate, AND it’s Summer, so that means I won’t be too busy for awhile. At least until I get off my ass and get a job.
Which will never happen.
Anyway, I’m making up for my failures with my annual Friday the 13th review! Yep, as you know I review a Friday the 13th film every Friday the 13th. Except the one in December cuz I was busy with Christmas stuff. I’ve done Part 8, which was hilarious bad, the remake, which was okay, and Jason goes to hell which was fun.
And now we look at the film that JGTH teased! That’s right, it’s time to look at the epic battles of Jason and Freddy. For years, fans have been a fight between Jason and Freddy Kruger, from the Nightmare on Elm Street. For all 1 one of though that need an explanation, Freddy was this demon dude that invaded people’s dreams and made them horrifying and real.
Needless to say, Jason and Freddy fight was something everyone wanted. And at the end of Jason goes to hell, they teased it. However, there was this whole rights thing, so they went and made Jason X, even though JGTH was called the Final Friday.
Like I said before, never put Final in the title of your film. Ever.
Thankfully, in 2003 we finally saw this fight. Critics were mixed (like they are on any Friday/Nightmare film) but fans loved it. There…isn’t much else to comment on, really. They wanted a fight. They got it. They liked it.
So, let’s go over the director and writers. The two writers haven’t done else….but they did write the Friday remake. …Okay. Meanwhile, the director brought us…Warriors of Virtue.
Needless to say, this is way better. So is this the epic fight I’ve been wanting? Or is just a nightmare? Let’s a look!
This, is Freddy Vs Jason
The movie opens with Freddy, of course played by Robert Engluand, narrating to us about how awesome he is at killing kids. Or rather, he talks about how he’s this big terror and he kills people. However, the people have forgotten about him, because it’s easy to forget a killer that invades your dreams.
“Being dead wasn’t a problem, but being forgotten was a bitch!”
Since there was no one to be afraid of him (seriously, not one person remembered him enough?), he’s been trapped in hell and now he wants to escape. We then cut to a chick on a dock he gets naked and dives into the lake. Well, 41 Year Old Virgin’s record hasn’t been beat in terms of nudity, but this was close. Naturally, Jason shows up to kill her. After a short chase, he kills her. Whoa, didn’t see that coming.
It turns out that this was a dream….by Jason. …Okay. His Mom pops up in the dream and tells him to go to Elm Street and kill some kids. Jason is a brainless Mama’s boy, he obery’s Freddy. Yeah, spoilers it’s actually Freddy. This is following the ending to Jason goes to Hell, where Jason died, but what about Freddy taking Jason’s mask? We’re gonna ignore that?
We cut to Elm Street where meet our disposable teenage heroes. After a few minutes of chatter, some dudes show up in a jump scare. They know these guys and they aren’t happy with their arrival. Lori, the main chick, talks about her former lover Will was awesome and yada yada yada.
“You need to meet a guy”
I just want her to meet Jason so we can get to the good part. Thankfully, the lights go out which means someone is about to die.
“You’ve barely gone out since-”
“My mom died?”
Okay, I’ve had enough of clunky exposition for one month, okay?
After more banter, this friend chick takes a shower and the dude she was just with is killed by Jason. Finally! Sadly, no one else is killed and the rest of the teens escape. Thankfully, The police happen to be around How convenient).
“You kids need any assistance?”
“What the fuck do you think?!”
After the cops check the house, they suspect Freddy cuz it’s Elm Street. Okay, so if they remember, Freddy should be out and about. This makes no sense. The kids go to the police station where Lori has a dream in which she meets Freddy. We cut to Blake, this guy the friend wanted Lori to hook up with, as he goes home and is stalked by Freddy. Freddy tries to kill him, but it turns out he’s not strong enough yet. Man, killing people is a lot harder than it used to be.
Speaking of Jason, he shows up and kills Blake. You know, they should have called this “Freddy controls Jason”. It’s way more accurate. …Say, remember that Will guy I mentioned? The dude who was with Lori? Yeah, he we cut to him in the loony bin. He’s played by Jason Ritter aka Dipper. ….
I promise to not make any Gravity Falls jokes. Especially jokes about the dream episode.
Will apparently knows about Freddy and i suppose we’ll find out why he’s in here later. He clunkly says he saw Lori’s Dad kill his wife, and I guess something happened to get him thrown in here. Through some dumb plan, they escape (proving that guards to suck at their jobs) and we cut to Lori dealing with the shit she just went through.
Later at School, Lori finds out about Blake, and the cops are blaming the other death on Blake, saying he just committed suicide. …That’s dumb.
“This is so fucking messed up!”
Will and his friend Mark show up and Lori is more than a little shocked. She faints and Will leaves before the Principal shows up. Lori is taken to the hospital, where her black friend is visited by Freddy in a dream. In the dream, her nose is ripped off and she’s fine in real life because screw continuity.
Will and Mark do some research and they find out that the city has been covering up Freddy in order to prevent people’s fear from bring him back. I guess that makes sense but shouldn’t the fear that Freddy could return, that comes from the higher ups, count?
Also, Will really is no strangers to weird cover ups-OKAY I MADE A PROMISE.
We cut to Lori at a rave, and i know this will go well. Mostly cuz someone who just in the hospital is going to a rave for no reason.Will shows up and talks to Lori. He tells her what he has been up to, and Lori isn’t too shocked to see Will now. Meanwhile, that other friend chick who was in the shower earlier, is visited, and killed, by Freddy.
I have to say, every time Freddy and Jason pops up, this movie gets awesome. I love the atmosphere when they show up, and as always, Engluand is a delight.
It turns out Jason actually killed her instead of Freddy, and Fred is not happy about Jason stealing his kill. Jason moves on kills these two stoner guys. With that, Jason goes on an awesome rampage, killing every teen in sight. Our heroes escape, and Will tells Lori about the whole “saw your Dad kill mommy” thing. Wait, she didn’t know already? Weird. I figured she didn’t believe him but i thought she at least knew that he said he saw it.
He gives us the story.
“I was sneaking up to your room like i used to do..”
Dad (In)conveniently shows up and Lori asks him if Will is right. He doesn’t quite tell the whole story, but he does act creepy and awesome. She escapes and the two go to Mark’s house. But that doesn’t work out cuz Freddy kills him.
After that, the kids wonder what to do know. A cop dude conveniently shows up and tells them about Jason. I won’t go over the backstory because you all know it. The kids figure out that Freddy is controlling Jason and all that. They just need to find a way to stop Freddy.
So they decide to give him a virgin sacrifice, and Lori is that virgin. It’s a dream by Freddy. How suspenseful. By the way, Freddy pops up right after Dad pops up and tries to…kiss..Lori.
Let’s move on.
Lori tears Freddy’s ear off, and she wakes up with his ear in her hand. Ew. Now Lori knows she can’t sleep or Freddy will kill them. Thankfully, there is this drug that stops dreams hwich Will took in the loony bin. Convenient!
So they head to the loony bin cuz they are the only place to carry the drug for some reason. This other stoner guy who came with this finds the drug but Freddy does some mind tricks to make him get rid of it. Even though we are now an hour in and the title hasn’t come true, Freddy alone is making this movie cool.
Jason shows up to make it even cooler, and Freddy finally shows up to kind of fight Jason, but not really. Jason is knocked out and Freddy tries to stop Jason which means NOW they fight! And yes, it is awesome!
I was kind of worried that Freddy would be too overpowered, since he has been controlling Jason this entire movie, instead of them being evenly matched. But now we see that they are, and it kind of makes sense.
After a cool fight, we cut to the teens as they plan to take Jason’s body to Crystal Lake and take Freddy out of the dream world so the two beings can fight. And if Freddy ends up beating Jason, instead of the two killing each other, they are screwed.
Back in the dream world, Freddy finds out that Jason is afraid of water, because he died by drowning. Lori goes asleep and heads into the dream world, as she stumbles into a flashback of the moment Jason died. Freddy starts drowning young Jason, which makes the real Jason start dying or something.
There are easier to do this, but Freddy works in weird ways. The black friend is forced to give mouth to mouth to Jason….no comment, but he thankfully wakes up before that can happen. Sadly, some people out there are disappointed right now.
This pisses off Freddy, who revealed to Lori that he killed her Mother. Dun dun dun. So that means he somehow disguised himself as Dad in the real world, which is hwy Will saw Dad kill her. I guess.
Back in the real world, Jason escapes but thankfully they are right next to Crystal Lake. But that isn’t much of a good thing as Jason tries to kill the kids. Lori wakes up, pulling Freddy into the real world. And thus, Jason finally fights Freddy in the real world.
Without his powers, Jason has the upper hand, and it is amazing. There might not be many fights, but the two we get are great. The fight is interrupted as the black friend distracts Freddy by pretending to be an not scared bitched. She mocks Freddy for having little knives for fingers while Jason has a big old machete.
Freddy points behind her, she looks behind and Jason chops her head off. …That is fucking hilarious. With that, our two titans start their final battle, which is still amazing. The two get the upper hand at every turn, making for a really suspenseful and cool fight.
After a bunch of fighting, it seems like Jason has the upper hand until the kids set the dock on fire and they are sent into the lake. But it’s not over yet, as Freddy gets out and makes one final attempt to kill Lori and Dipper.
Thankfully, Jason uses Freddy’s own arm and impales him through the chest. With that, Lori decapitates Freddy.
“Welcome to your nightmare, Bitch!”
Then Jason…dies somehow and falls into the lake. So technically, Jason won. …I’m okay with that. Overall, a solid climax to a cool battle. Lori and Will leave, with their arcs being kind of pointless. But really, who watched this movie for them?
Then, Jason comes out of the lake, carrying Freddy’s head. Freddy winks. Roll credits. …Eh, that’s a decent ending. It feels a tad anti climatic here, but in context it’s pretty good. The human arc was done okay, and of course the battle was epic.
Though it does feel odd, with the movie ending after about only 30 minutes worth of fighting. Ah well.
There isn’t too much I can say here. Want a movie about Freddy fighting Jason? Here you go. Does it matter how the script is? No. Does it matter how interesting the characters are? No. Because this movie is clearly just an excuse for an awesome fight.
The excuse was decent enough, and I think it was the best possible way to get the two to fight while still having an actual story. The first half is a tad slow, as it feels more like a Freddy movie than a collab, but for a Freddy fan, it’s cool. It’s decently suspenseful and Freddy is really awesome.
The kids aren’t too interesting, with their arc being kind of weak, but it works in it’s own way. While they make get in the way of the story, that stops about halfway through. Then it’s more about the true heroes, and they shine well.
While it may seem like Freddy has an unfair advantage, they are eventually evenly matched. The fights are cool and we have lots of awesome moments. The direction is strong, and while Jason kind of wins, the writers at least make it work if you prefer Freddy.
There isn’t really much else to say. Any bad things i can say about the first half don’t matter with how good the end half is. The titular fight is so good that it doesn’t matter how weak everything else is.
It has everything I loved to mock in the other movies, and more. It’s easily the best Jason film I’ve seen so far (Yes, i haven’t seen the original, shut up) and it’s pretty cool.
Not much else to say. It advertised a fight, and we got one. A lot of fun, check it out.
Well, that was fun. Guess I gotta do something bad next time. What is it?