NOTE: Last time I said I was doing another animated review. But after one day of writing, the file got fucked up when I opened it. After some thinking, I decided to throw it away and try some other time. Sorry, Instead of “Kim Possible: So The Drama” (Yes, I was gonna do that), enjoy a review of a 80’s classic.
Hello, Spongey here.
So, next week will see the release of yet another Hollywood remake. This time it’s of the 80’s classic I am reviewing today. Whenever a remake is announced, the internet bitches at Hollywood for “ruining their childhood” or some shit like that.
Of course, I’m the only who thinks this remake could be decent since it has some good talent behind it. After all, the Evil Dead remake turned out well (I heard it did, I haven’t seen it yet) because actual effort was put into it. I think everyone is just bitter after the last remake of a Paul Verhoven sci-fi film.
I’ll get to it someday, I promise.
But my issue with the bitching? It’s all based on the trailer! Seriously, when will stop judging a movie purely based on the trailer? I mean, it;s just stupid. I don’t judge a movie until I’ve seen it. Also, people hate on it for being PG-13. That is even worse. Why would anyone judge a movie based on the rating?
Think about it. Die hard 4 was PG-13, so 5 was R. Did that make it any good? Of course not. But hey, if people dislike it once it’s out, and they’ve actually seen it, I can’t stop it. So with that said, I decided to tackle the original with the remake coming out.
Yeah, I bet you all thought I might do the 3rd one cuz it’s infamously bad. Well ,I might do it some other time. I picked the original because I thought it would be fun to look at a “classic” and see if it’s deserving of that title.
I’ve never seen it. Yes, torches and pitchforks are over there. So with this review, I’ll see how it is. This Paul Verhoeven (Basic Instinct, Total Recall, and of course the all time classic Showgirls) directed 1987 flick was all the rage back then and made a lot of money, got good reviews, as well as sequels and TV shows.
But is it really all it’s cracked up to be? Well, maybe since people still seem to like it. But only my opinion matters! So let’s review this movie and see how it is.
The movie opens with a news report, as some dude tells us about some bad shit going on. Then we get a commercial, because I’m suddenly watching this on blip I guess. After that ad for some heart thing, we return to the news as we find out 3 cops were found Dead.
Some stuff is going on with the police department and we get a message from the president of Mega-Corp OCP, Dick Jones. Yes, I snickered at his name. We find out OCP is now running the Detroit Police department and they are being blamed for the dead cops.
Dick tells it’s not their fault, the cops were just dumbasses. Well, that’s how I saw it anyway. The news ends and we see this is a bad future (since this is the 80’s, it’s probably the fat of year of 2009 or something) that is overrun by crime. This is part of why they got the Mega-Corp to run the police.
We cut to said police station as we meet officer Alex Murphy, played by Peter Weller. The cops aren’t happy with the new management but they kind of have to life with it. Alex is heading out with his new partner, Lewis. By the power, this is a cop in a movie who gets along with his new partner.
The robots haven’t shown up yet and this is already unrealistic!
We cut to OCP as the big guys are discussing what to do about the police situation. Dick goes up and presents to the board a new kind of officer. A big ass robot called the Ed-209. Ed? Makes me think Ed from Ed,Edd, N Eddy is the robot…which would me amazing.
This awesome beast is designed to be the ultimate crime fighter. As the cliché goes, their first demonstration of the robot goes wrong, as some dude is told to point a gun at it and the bot is supposed to stop when he puts the gun down. Except the robot thinks he didn’t put it down and it keeps being awesome at him.
Infact, the dude is killed after so many shots it just becomes comedic. So yeah, the bot went bad fast.
“Dick, I am so disappointed”
One your men died and your only disappointed?! Does this happen all the ti-wait, that’s the joke, isn’t it?
“You call this a glitch?!”
…Yeah. It ended in death, but it’s still technically a glitch. (Thanks goes to CinemaSins for that one).
Some dude named Bob Morton suggests using his back up plan, called the “Robocop” program. The chairmen dude says yes to Bob’s idea, which pisses of Dick.
“When do we start?”
“As soon as some poor schmuck volunteers”
Cut to Alex. Hardy har.
He and Lewis head out to chase down a gang that is doing bad shit. One awesome chase scene later, they head into Bad Guy HQ. Lewis catches one goon taking a piss and asks him to put his hands up. Dude, don’t interrupt anyone who is taking a piss. That’s just proper etiquette!
Anyway, he does so and he asks if he can zip it up, cuz no one wants to see your dick after all. She lets him and he kicks her ass. Oh gee, what a shock. See, this is what happen when you interrupt someone who is taking a piss!
Alex is cornered by some bad guys, which includes their leader, Clarence Boddicker. Dick Jones, now Boddicker? No comment.
All jokes aside, these bad guys are pretty cool. I’ve been skipping their parts, but they are pretty enjoyable and Boddicker’s speech to Alex here is pretty cool. He gets even funnier as he does some weird shit as he shoots Alex’s hand off.
“Give the man a hand!”
With that, they shoot him down with a ton of shoots. What is up with the comedic deaths in this movie? Is this like a video game where everyone takes 1000 shots to die? Well, okay I bet I’ll tons of comments saying it was meant to be a little cheesy and…well it is enjoyable, so I can’t fault you there.
So yeah, they kill Alex and leave. This is actually a pretty effective scene as Lewis shows up to mourn him. We even got to know Alex a little, as we saw him goof a bit with Lewis earlier, but he was shown to be very competent and badass. I bet he will get even better once he becomes a robot!
Alex is rushed to the hospital and he eventually wakes up to find he has changed.
“I present to you…Robocop”
Yep, as we see through his POV, we find out that Mortom and some others have turned him into a cyborg. They take him to the police station to do some more tests, and we finally see our roboman.
He looks pretty awesome.
One thing I must mention now is that the film has quite a bit of humor, that I’ve been skipping for time reasons. For example, there’s a gag were the dudes look at the paste that Robocop eats and notice it tastes like baby food. Morton is like “Knock yourself out”.
It’s nice to see actual humor to make this a more fun watch. I kind of see why this is popular beyond the amazing concept.
After having him practice, they have Robocop go out for a test tun. By the way, have you ever wondered what the “I’d buy that for a dollar” twitter is all about? Well, it comes for some weird show this dude is watching. It’s some garbage that passes for TV in the future.
…So not much has changed.
This is being watched in a store that is being robbed. Of course, RoboCop comes in to stop him. He beats up the robber and leaves. Man, this dude is awesome. Just seeing him in action is worth the price of admission.
The effects are pretty solid too, even by today’s standards. So RoboCop comes on to some dudes that are…trying to cut a woman’s pubic hair. The hell? Well, anyway, RoboCop shoots one of the dudes In the balls.
“Your move, Creep”
After that, he deals with a terrorist who has the mayor hostage. See, some dude is pissed off about losing the mayor race so of course, he did this to make up for it. All the bad guy’s in this movie are amazingly insane. Though I think that was the point….which makes me feel stupid.
RoboCop kicks his ass and we get a news report on our amazing hero.Like last time, we get an add, only now it’s for “Nuke ‘Em” which is Battleship, with but with real nukes.
…I’d buy that for a dollar!
Back at OCP, we join Bob as he bumps into Jones in the bathroom, after he talks shit about him to his buddies. Yeah, the “right behind me’ cliché. Needless to say, Dick isn’t happy about what has gone on. And like all the villains in this movie, he is amazing with everything he says.
“You better pray that unholy monster of yours doesn’t screw things up”
Back with RoboCop, he’s been shut down for the night, but he wakes up by himself due to the power of painful flashbacks! He just gets up and leaves all by himself.
RoboCop finds one of the goons who killed him robbing a place and tries to stop him.
“I know you. You’re dead”
You can tell who it is from his mouth? They never said in the news thingys that Murphy was turned into RoboCop so I don’t get it.
For whatever reason, he lets the dude get away though he does record a clip or him…for a reason I bet will make sense later. And by later I mean now. He goes back to the police station and uses the picture he has of the dude to find his “known accomplices”. And by that I mean Boddicker.
Crap for once a dumb thing I point out makes sense!
In a bit I skipped, he bumps into Lewis who called him Murphy, but of course he didn’t respond as his memory was supposedly eared. When he sees that Boddicker killed Murphy, he starts to make the connection.
With that , heads to “Murphy’s” house. I’d question why they just let him leave but….would you tell him no?
The house has been emptied and is being sold, but memories starts coming back. …Then he heads to a club to find Boddicker. Kind of sudden, but okay. He doesn’t find him…because he is storming in on Bob right now.
By the way, Bob was snorting coke with some whores, as you would expect.
Boddicker pops in a Disc he has handy, that has a video revealing it was Dick who sent Boddicker after him. WHAT A TWEEST!
Boddicker blows the place up and leaves, killing Morton. That previous scene with Dick gloating can actually be taking 100 percent seriously/ I like how this is both what the title promises and more. I mean, it can be silly, but still serious, then 100 percent serious. It’s great.
A bit later, RoboCop storms this place where Boddicker is meeting with some dude. After some awesome action, he gets hold of Boddicker and…doesn’t kill because he must skill uphold the law. That’s actually interesting. He wants his revenge so he bad but he must still do the right thing. That’s cool.
Also, Boddicker confesses about working with Dick. That came out wrong.
After turning him in, RoboCop goes after Dick. Okay, let’s just call him Richard Jones. Like any good villain he knows RoboCop is coming and welcomes him. But as it turns out, Richard put in a directive that makes it so RoboCop can’t arrest him or he will shut down. .He works ahead, I’ll give him that.
“I had to kill Bob Morton because he made a mistake. It’s time to erase that mistake”
I love this guy. He’s a cliché type of villain, but just the way he acts is so awesome. I can take him seriously and he’s a lot of fun!
Anyway, he brings out the Ed-209 to kill RoboCop. Even in weak state, RoboCop is able to kick it’s ass. Well actually, it’s party because of RoboCop, and partly because Ed couldn’t get down the stairs.
STAIRS: The Real enemy of robots.
But he’s not out of the woods yet, because some cops show up to destroy him, as Richard told them to do so. Shouldn’t they, of all people, know that bullets plus robot = lolno?
RoboCop hides away and Lewis takes him away from the cops. We cut to the news, starting with an ad for a car called the 6000 SUX. Okay, that is freaking hilarious. Anyway, Boddicker visits Dick, who is pissed that RoboCop is alive, mostly since he recorded Boddicker’s confession.
So now the two must kill RoboCop. Meanwhile, Lewis takes RoboCop to some steel mill so they can hide. RoboCop takes off his robot face to reveal that part of Murphy’s face is still there. Now RoboCop is curious, and asks what happened to Alex’s wife and son.
They left after he died.
“I can feel them. But I can’t remember them”
This is deep stuff for a movie called RoboCop. I love it.
Anyway, the cops go on strike because they think their robs are at risk due to RoboCop. This gives Boddicker free range to let his goons go crazy. Oh yeah, going strike while crime is still around was a GREAT idea.
After doing some stuff, they head after RoboCop with a new weapon that Richard gave them. Thankfully, RoboCop is there ready to kick some ass. One awesome fight later, Boddicker hops in his car which of course leads to a chase scene.
This whole is just intense and awesome. Can’t really say much about it…until Lewis’ car crashes and she is shot, and now it’s RoboCop Vs Boddicker on foot. A goon up in a construction thingy takes out RoboCop with some falling bricks, but Lewis decides to do the “Blow up the bad guy as he says he has won” cliché.
RoboCop is still alive, so Biddicker tries to end this once and for all…but he fails as RoboCop finally kills him. I’m actually fine with a movie climax for once. It went on for a bit, had awesome action and the final kill was great.
Lewis is still kind of injured but RoboCop assures help is on the way and leaves. Sure you don’t want to…call an ambivalence first? Whatever. He heads up to OCP and takes out the Ed-109 guarding the place.
RoboCop busts in during a meeting, to tell everyone that Richard is a dick. See what a did there? …Sorry. RoboCop shows everyone a video of Richard confessing from earlier.
“Dick, your fired!”
With that, he is no longer RoboCop’s boss, and thus, he can kill him. I’m sure we need more paperwork before this can make sense but who cares, it’s just a movie.
RoboCop shoots him and Richard falls out of the building.
“Nice shootin’, son. Whats your name?”
…Wait, what?! That can’t be the end. …It is? What? We just had an abrupt ending last time now we have an even bigger one! Seriously, the movie literately just stops! No big wrap, no conclusion to what Alex was going through…no anything! It just….ends!
…Well okay, I guess I can sit with this. The bad guy was defeated, the climax was great, and we do see that Alex accepts to his new self while remembering who he was. But will happen to the world and all that?
Well, I guess that’s why we have 2 sequels. Also, Dick Jones is played by Ronny Cox. Christ, what is this movie’s obsession with Dick names?!
I know this is very predictable for me to say, but this film very much deserves it’s status. I had a blast with this one all the way through. I’m not sure I have much to say but I’ll try to add more. This movie is loved by critic because it is not only a fun action movie, but it’s also a smart satire.
And after thinking about it, I agree. It not so subtly shows the decline of the American culture and how corrupt those mega corps can be. It’s been done in other movies, but it wasn’t too cliché when this came out and it’s still pretty relevant today.
But what I really like is how they handle RoboCop himself. He’s a family man who is fun but badass, who has his life cut short and brought back due to unusual circumstances. He deals with his remembering his old life while trying to use new one as a 2nd chance.
They don’t go too deep into it but they also toy with the question: Is it right to bring the dead back to life by making a dead guy a robot? It’s pretty much playing with god, but it gives a 2nd chance at life and he saves the day.
My answer? Who cares cuz this movie is able to make us forget it’s actually smart how FUN it is. The villains are not only very hammy, but also pretty menacing even if they aren’t too complex. This is proof that you don’t need your villains to be complex to be awesome.
There is plenty of action and it’s all awesome. Even the non action scenes are solid, weather it be the villains acting amazing or dealing with some or the complex aspects. In every way this movie is just pure fun.
It tackles interesting ideas, has relevant commentary, but it is takes so much advantage of it’s core concept that it will please everyone. I’m sure you all know this already, but this a really solid film for everyone.
I think my issue is that they could have gone more in depth with some ideas, and I don’t like the abrupt ending. But like I said, you could argue It works in a different way. And hey, there’s always the sequel We’ll get to it someday.
Oh, and the performances are all great. Lewis is a decent female buddy (who is thankfully not a love interest), and Peter Weller is great as the lead, showing decent chops as both Alex and RoboCop. But come on, you know Ronny Cox and Kurtwood Smith steal the show as Dick and Boddicker. They are amazingly entertaining whenever they are on screen.
Okay, I think I said all I need to say.
I was debating the grade. I’d say it’s a B+ but I enjoyed it on A- level, so that is what I gave it. After finally watching this, I see why people are worried about the remake. How can they keep the satire and fun it had while not copying it? It’s not too rooted in the 80’s to work now but I can see how the remake can fail.
But I see how it can at least be decent. Also, the PG-13 still doesn’t bug me. It can have good action without being bloody. Anyway, I hope it’s good!
So there you go, I did two solid films in a row. Two solid films in which the main character dies and is replaced by a robot.
…Weird how that happens.
I guess I gotta do a bad one next time to make up for it. So, what am I reviewing next time?
…Eh, we’ll see how it goes.