Dead Sushi

I have no snark./ This is the best movie ever made.

I have no snark./ This is the best movie ever made.

Dead Sushi is property of Walker Pictures, and the god who dreamed it up.

Hello, Spongey here.

On this blog, I’ve reviewed many different films of different types. However, I don’t cover many foreign films. To be fair, not many reviewers do but even they can cover anime or something like that.

Me? I’ve only covered two films made mostly in another country. Freddie as FR07, which turned out “Well” and A Serbian Film.

“Newborn porn!”

That didn’t turn out well.

I have nothing against watching foreign cinema, it’s just not my area of expertise. But as a special treat, I dug up a 2012 Japanese theme that not many have heard but, from the premise alone, should be talked about.

I had never heard of this thing, until Martial Horror of Critiquing the Critics “fame” did a review of it.

“You peons who enjoy bottom of the barrel trash such as 2001: A Space Odyssey will be incapable of appreciating the artistry present in Dead Sushi”

He liked it. Now it’s kind of his Birdermic or Sharknado. Just the one clip he showed in his SF Debris review convinced me I had to review this. It’s off the wall crazy, and insane. The reactions were mixed, but given it’s premise, it has to be the best movie ever made.

Anyway The director, Noboru Iguchi is known for films that a bit too off the wall. One of his films is called Zombie Ass. ZOMBIE ASS.

..I’ll have to cover that one someday. Anyway, this is a film that clearly needs more viewings from people. But is it all it’s cracked up to be? It better be or I will kill Martial Horror. In the face.

So with that short intro out of the way, let’s dig in.

This, is Dead Sushi

The movie opens with narration telling us what Sushi is. Yeah, thanks for that, I had no idea what Sushi was until this movie. She goes on to tell us how much of an art form Sushi making is and how it takes 8 full years to learn how to make it.

We’re not even at the weird part yet, and I know this does not take place in reality.

Anyway, this narration comes to us from our heroine, Keiko, played by Rina Takeda. I only mention the actor cuz I think Martial stalks her. She works at Sushi shop with her Dad, who is a Sushi making master.

“Papa claims there is a similarity between Sushi making and Martial arts’

…In that they both exist?

Yeah, we see training for Sushi making in a Martial Arts type way, with the moves and such. So we’re only 2 minutes in and we know that Sushi is SERIOUS BUISNESS to the point where it is trained like in a typical martial arts film.

…This movie is weird, but so far it’s a pretty interesting kind of weird. Over the opening credits, we get a montage of Dad training her and Keiko kind of sucks at Sushi making. But by the power or montage, she grows into a badass…but still kind of sucks in Dad’s eyes..

“You smell like a woman, which only adds to the fish smell”

…I don’t know what to say to that.

So yeah, we have “Dad wants kid to do what he does by kid can’t live up to his expectations” cliché. Man, even Japan won’t drop this cliché. So because her wants her to make Sushi, she runs away from home.

So she runs to some town where she gets a job at a Resort Inn place which is currently welcoming some powerful business dude.

“I see your women are first rate”

Is anyone in this movie normal?

Being the fuck up she is, Keiko makes a fool her us by showing up covered in food (Don’t ask, I skipped it cuz I felt like it). The owners pull her aside to bitch at her, saying this inn squeaks by due to people coming for Sushi and somehow one mistake just disgraces all of that.

Thankfully, some gardener dude lifts her spirits by saying people make mistakes and some jobs aren’t for everyone. Just when you think this movie is about to become normal, the dude grabs her hand.

“Such fine hands. These are fingers suited to handle fish”

Please don’t turn into Dr Shreek on me.

…And then he lets her hands go and heads back to work. Um, okay.

Then we cut to a couple arriving the resort but they are bickering cuz the chick won’t let the dude kiss.

“I like platonic?”

“That won’t fly in 2012”

I’m watching in the orginal Japanese with subtitles, so I’ll just blame the subber for the grammar mess-ups.

Then he forcefully kisses her, and it turns out she likes it. But they turn around to see a bum is watching them.

‘Watcha eatin’”

A bum watched you make up and your first question is about what he is eating? Anyway, he is eating Sushi, of coiurse. The couple is….shocked?

“Is it wrong for a man like me to eat Sushi?”

Exactly!

Then Yoji, the dude, starts to kick Japanese Chester’s ass and knocks over his Sushi. Huh? He was just eating Sushi what the fuck is your problem?!

“I think nothing of my life. But I do not forgive a man who wastes food”

Okay, this movie just doesn’t want to make sense….and it’s all the better for it.

Then….um…a squid from the Sushi comes to life, cuts off the chicks head, and said head flies into Yoji and makes out with him, and the squid kills him.

What. The. Fuck.

What do I say to that? The bum is all like “Sorry to you over Sushi” and we cut to the next scene. I …have nothing. Let us…move on.

So we cut back to Kieko as she somehow wasn’t fired and is trying to please the dinner rush. After that dude’s speech, why doesn’t she quit and find a better job?

It goes better for her this time….except a dude grabs her ass but says it just a touch on the leg. Okay. After that, the chef shows up to show the guests the art of Sushi making. As if we haven’t had enough of that so far.

I love the crowd’s reactions. It’s like FUCK YEAH, SUSHi. It’s important to remember this film is billed as a Comedy and the director was inspired by Attack of the killer tomatoes. I think the insanity was intended.

So the business dudes taste the Sushi and saying they like it is like saying this movie is a tad odd. The chef offers Egg sushi but they angrily reject it in in favor of Tuna.

KEIKO: Stupid imbeciles.

As opposed to smart imbeciles?

Unfortunately, the business dude’s men overheard this and they are pissed.

“What do you mean by that remark?”

….She called you stupid. What other meaning could that have?!

Nosaka, some other dude, jumps to her defense, and has her explain herself. She somehow can’t and the dudes just get all up in her face. Then we abruptly join the gardener as he is attacked by the bum…and it cuts back to Keiko. Hey, I wanted to see that! Darn.

Anyway, Keiko womans up and delivers a “the reason your Sushi sucks” speech to the chef. All the goons are pissed off at Chef and apologizes the business dude for letting him eat poor quality Sushi. You just gotta love how seriously they take sushi in this world.

This goes on for a few minutes, and it is a Crowning moment of awesome on her part. However, it REALLY pisses off the Chef so he attacks them. Man, this is the 2nd time Sushi has gotten someone injured. Also, I love how seriously the actors play this out. It makes it all the more hilarious.
Keiko and Chef have an awesome, over the top fight scene and she ultimately kicks his ass. It’s weird but cool how she changed from a crying little girl to such a badass. The buisness dude sees this and….this happens:

“I have no idea whats going on. But take her!”

Then his goons attack her. I love how he has says that. He has no idea what is going but he has his goons attack her anyway. You can’t make this stuff up.,

The following fight scene goes on for awhile but it’s incredibly over the top in how she takes them down. Even if you take the titular Dead Sushi out, you get a very odd, yet amazing experience.

Then Nosaka, teams up with Keiko because the company is in the wrong. I’m kind of confused, given the Chef take down and all that but okay. Doesn’t matter cuz he doesn’t get chance to fight anyone before this other business chick attacks Keiko.

They run out and the business guy just tells Nosaka that he would be fired if he wasn’t such a competent worker. Dude he flat out said you are in the wrong and all that. I don’t think he wants to stay with you.

Then the Bum shows up and grabs the business dude. As it turns out, the bum is named Yamada, and he was the former head of the company. 5 years ago, he was working on a serum to revive dead creatures. It worked but it turned the subjects into horrible monsters. Since these things are technically zombies, you become one if bitten by one. The business dude blamed it on Yamada and he was arrest.

“Not true. Total nonsense”

IT’S NOT TRUE, I DID NOT BLAME YOU, IT’S BULLSHIT, I DID NAHT. Ohai Yamada.

Then the owner of the Inn shots Yamada. Well ,I  guess the movie is over! Thankfully, it is not over. I have to say, I like how they tied Keiko’s thing at the inn with the whole….Dead sushi thing.

They walk but surprise, he’s alive! …Kind of. In his final act, he puts some serum in that Squid he had and orders it to kill everyone.

“Suhsi…fly!”

This…is the best movie ever. I mean, we officially have KILLER ZOMBIE SUSHI. And it’s just as amazing as the title suggests! Sharknado, eat your heart out.

We move back to the Keiko/Random chick fight which everyone randomly forgot about. The squid comes flying at them but the random chick hits it with her sword and goes flying into another room, and lands on some dudes platter.

“I feel our Sushi has increased”

The squid infects the other bits of Sushi on his plate, and when he eats it, the sushi fights back and he spits up blood. Yet, he somehow has no reaction and just eats another one. His stupidity is rewarded with all the sushi killing him.

You have not lived until you’ve seen zombie Sushi killing someone. Even better, they TALK!

“Who the fuck are you?’

And swear!

Back with Keiko, the flying squid has not phased the other chick. That is until a piece comes flying at them. The Sushi latches itself onto the chick’s tounge in the best Sushi kiss scene ever put on film.

The dude who just got killed had a friend with him and that friend went to the chick to warn her of the Sushi. He sees this kissing scene and….tries to cop a feel. Uh….time and place, dude.

More Sushi parts attack her…and he just tries again. Dude, at least wait until they kill her! Then…the Sushi strangles her so hard HER EYES LITERATELY POP UP AND SHE DIES.

What. The fuck.

“Screw this!”

Even pervs have their limits.

By the way, Keiko somehow got locked in some room while this was going on. She finds the Gardner in there, bound and gagged. She frees him and tells him what happened.

“Flying Sushi? Has your brain imploded or something?”

Dude, you live in a world that takes Sushi so seriously that you told her that her hands were made for touching fish. You can’t treat HER like the crazy one!

He then tries to get sprints up with another weird speech at her hands. He says he used to be Head Chef years ago. But one day he grew cocky and he got into a fight with a customer. His wife tried to stop him but he stabbed her by mistake. That crosses the line between funny and sad.

“Since then, I’ve become knife-phobic”

Keiko points out there are knives behind them…in the closet. Okay. His reaction? Scream like a little girl and tells her to cover them. Now that is funny.

After that scare, he just tells Keiko to buck up and save the day or whatever. Then we cut to the owner dude going back to pick up Yamada’s body. But then the poor bum gets up, questioning why he didn’t do that before if he could. The owner runs away and bumps into that pervy dude, who is quickly killed by the squid.

OWNER: …Sorry for the inconvenience.’

Haw!

Then we randomly cut to the owner dude’s wife with the chef, saying she wants to dumb her husband. Uh, random plot line alert. And yes, she does start making out with the chef. To complete the cliche, I predict the sushi will kill them both.

But before that happens, the two make out …with egg yolk in the woman’s mouth. Man, this is one tentacle rape scene away from turning into a hentai And with the squid, I wouldn’t put it past them.

And yes, they um…yolk swap. Yeah. Even better: The infected Sushi behind them watch in delight. Yep, zombie Sushi watching a couple make out and swap egg yolk. This is weird.

Then the sushi….sing an evil chant.,

SINGING. ZOMBIE. SUSHI.

THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE.

Want to see this for yourself? Well, Martial put up a video of just this scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_vDo_4C_lw

Watch it and be amazed. Banyan, the movie follows that with Keiko and the Gardner trying to get out of the room. Sorry, you can’t follow up singing Sushi with something dull. It’s impossible to recover from that unless it’s something equally amazing.

Also, the gardener strains so hard trying to open the door, he farts and Keiko is disgusted. ….Um,, point? It’s so gross even some Egg Sushi that happens to be there is disgusted. Dude, your brethren just watched egg yolk swapping. You can take this.

Of course, Keiko wants to smash it..but it starts shivering in fear. It’s scared. Yes, now we must feel sorry for the zombie Sushi. Keiko connects with the thing and….it sings a sad song.

I uh….this movie never runs of ideas. You have to admit that. I mean, what other movie has a girl sympathize for a piece of sushi that sings? Besides all 234 of my un-sold scripts, anyway.

“Any Sushi that sings that good can’t be all that bad”

BEST. SENTENCE. EVER.

After that, the duo finally escapes and Keiko goes off to look for everyone. We then cut to the business dude having a meeting with his goons and some people from the inn. So he didn’t leave after almost being killed?

“We  want Body sushi with your waitresses”

…What.

The waitress refuse but Business dude ( I know he has a name but I forgot it) says he will call the cops on them for…something if they don’t. Can’t believe I have to do this two reviews in a row but..

ADAM SANDLER: What an asshole!

So what exactly is Body Sushi? Well, first two of the waitress strip down to Bra and Panties and do a sexy dance.. …okay. Then they lay on a table and a chef puts Sushi on their bodies. Kind of exactly what it says on the tin, there.

After…that, Keiko bumps into the pervy guy who has a Squid on his face. And he looks like …this.

sushi 1

Yeah.

“It is quite painful”

“Too bad”

Wow, what a bitch.

“It is my duty to tell the boss we are under siege by man-eating sushi”

2nd best sentence ever.

Since he has only a few minutes before the Squid kills him he asks Keiko for one last bit of hope…aka a kiss. Christ, first the groping now this. Does death just turn him on?

Before he can get his kiss, the squid rips some of his face off so he looks like Two face’s retarded brother. He runs into the room with the business dude but Nosaka flips him and I guess he dies.

The zombie sushi currently on the waitress bodies react by chowing down on the women. Okay, now that bit had a point….to give us this weird-ness. It’s incredibly bloody and AWESOME!

Now the Sushi finally makes their assault by flying over the place and attacking people.

“It’s an all out Sushi attack!”

Yes, this attack scene is as fun as it sounds. Give them credit for delivering on the premise. It gets even better when Nosaka gets out a gun and starts shooting the sushi. Oh my god, this is just a rush of awesome.

One sushi bit attacks the chef and when he tries to pull it off his face, he ends up ripping off his nose and lips. This movie is fucked up in the best possible way.

By the way, remember how the owner dude’s wife was cheating on him with the chef? Well, she’s sad that the chef is kind of dead. She runs out into the hallway and then a sushi bit….goes…up her vagina.

SUSHI. RAPE.

What the fuck?!

Then the owner dude comes in, pissed about the whole “cheating” thing that he kind of found out about. Then the Gardner shows up to scold them for fighting since they once loved each other and all that. First, you gotta love how the dude is more pissed at the cheating than the damn weird thing squirming in her robe. 2nd, did I just turn on a different movie? This turned into some cliché romance story during the middle of my zombie sushi movie!

Then it just cuts to the Business dude and Nosaka as they bump into the now alive Yamada.

“I’m having a blast watching the company fall apart over Sushi”

Me too, dude.

Anyway, it turns out Nosaka came up with the plan to frame Yamada in the first place. He had no choice, but Yamada won’t have any excuses. He then eats a piece of infected Sushi. Nosaka handcuffs Business dude to a thing and says he plans to run away and leave him to die.

Business dude is shocked that the dude who was against him earlier is betraying him again. This movie about killer sushi is very inconsistent!

So Nosaka leaves and Yamada turns into …this.

sushi 2
Okay, now THAT is the real 2nd best sentence ever.

Business dude runs away from the evil tuna man and hides in a shower room. But while he’s hiding…a girl comes in to take a shower. Yes, we get naked boobies. Um, okay.

“Such a peaceful inn!”

….Does she not notice the KILLER SUSHI RUNNING AROUND?!

“No perverts or peeping toms at all”

Temping fate alert.

Then Tuna Yamada comes in and chops Business dude’s head off. And the girl….has her eyes closed and DOESN’T NOTICE IT EVEN THOUGH A BUNCH OF BLOOD HAS GOTTEN ON HER.

This movie about killer sushi has no logic!

Anyway, Keiko and some others head outside but find…two Sushi bits…getting it on. SUSHI SEX. HOLY CRAP THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING.

Even better, a shit down of baby Sushi bits come out of the lady Sushi right away. Eh, I’ve never seen Sushi have sex so I don’t know how it would work in real life. Did I really just say that?

“Things have reached the point where they no longer make any sense”

We reached that point an hour ago.

Then the baby sushi (nicknamed Eggy) from earlier pops up to tell Keiko not to give up. This makes her launch into speech about how scared she has been all day but she is still here, and they should fight back.

A film where sushi have sex is trying to be emotional and it….kind of works, in weird a way. But this is interrupted by this revelation: The sushi have invaded some people’s bodies and is in control of their minds.

This movie just never runs out of amazing ideas.

“Is that possible?”

You’ve seen Sushi have sex and you ask if THIS is possible?

The gang runs outside and one dude is attacked by a piece of Sushi…that breathes fire.

FIRE. BREATHING SUSHI.

I uh….have no words at this point.

The dude simply eats the Sushi and he blows up in an amazingly bad photo shop effect. Yeah, the effects in this movie kind of suck but that’s part of the charm.

They run into the Gardener’s shed and find Nosaka in there, casually eating Ramen. He says it’s best to stay clam when attacked by killer Sushi. Then the Sushi Zombies, as I call them, try to get in.

Suddenly, Yumi, the owner dude’s wife, is about to be infected and become one of them. This leads into another attempt to be “serious” as she apologizes for cheating on him and accepts her punishment. Yeah, serious tear jerker death scene in….this movie.

If you recall, I criticized Santa with Muscles for it’s attempt to be sweet when it should be silly. So why am I not bashing this movie for doing the same thing? Well, for one SWM had it all over the movie and the way it was written was beyond schmaltzy.

This film however, does it in a way that can make me appreciate it. Plus, these are small moments when most of the film delivers on the premise. Plus, it’s …kind of sad, even if the Sushi has more personalty than these characters.

So anyway, she gives in and becomes a Sushi zombie. Owner dude lets him bite her so he can join her among the …Sushi Dead, I guess. No one really reacts to this and just lets it happen. Though to be fair, I would just watch this amazing-ness if I was there.

Then some Sushi try to attack the Gardener (he also has a name but I think this is funnier) but they stop flying when he…screams.

“Maybe it was the sound waves made by your shouting”

…What.

“Mr Sawada, shout. If you do, we might be able to stop the Sushi”

…You know what? I buy it. I’ve seen Sushi have sex. Nothing surprises me anymore. So then Tuna!Yamada comes in demanding that they hand over Nosaka. Dude, he betrayed your enemy and allowed you to kill him. You’ve killed your enemy. What more do you want?

KEIKO: There is no forgiving those who insult Sushi!

1. ANOTHER AMAZING SENTENCE

2. You’ve seen people be killed by Sushi all day and yet you take offensive to Sushi being insulted? Huh?

sushi 3

Anyway, Keiko and Sawada awesomely suit up for battle. Also, Keiko makes SUSHI NUNCHUNKS. Awesome! Then the battle begins as she beats up Sushi zombies and Sawada takes down Sushi with his screaming.

So insulting Sushi is bad but killing them is okay if they are gonna kill you? Huh?

Anyway, Keiko beats up zombies and eventually takes on Yamada. This whole fight scene is awesome. You can make out what is going on, it’s fast paced, and the actress shows some great fighting moves. I swear, every inch of this movie is fasted paced and entertaining as hell.

It seems like she’s close to winning but then Yamada…but then he spits out a ton of Sushi that….combine to make a…

“Giant Sushi roll battleship!”

Why was this snubbed for Best picture…of the decade?

The Sushi battleship flies and Eggy tries to fight it off, which is amazing. Yamada almost has the upper as he gloats to Keiko….but then Nosaka shoots him down.

“It’s too soon to think you’ve won”

Oh good, I thought this was a cop out death.

Yamada reveals some zombie sushi got into Nosaka’s Ramen while he was making it. Thus, the infected ramen kills him.

“Looks like the ladies man has lost his charm”

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Pissed, Keiko attacks Yamada, which leads to another awesome fight.

“You’ve awakened my sexual desires. Let me touch your butt!”

…Okay.

More fighting later, Keiko really mans up and suddenly becomes so awesome and kicks Yamada so hard he flies way up into the sky and blows up.

It sounds kind of odd, but just watch the movie and you’ll see how AMAZING that defeat was.

Anyway, Yamada’s defeat means all the Sushi is dead….including Eggy. Yes, this leads to another “sweet” scene as Keiko says bye to Eggy. It…kind of works. I guess.

With that done, Sawada gives Keiko some special Sushi (don’t worry, he swears it’s normal now) and they have an alright moment together. With that, Keiko goes back to her Dad. Yeah, don’t say goodbye to anyone or help clean up the mess the Sushi made.

She apologies for running away and Dad notices she has clearly grown up while he was away. But then they are interrupted by an zombie Sushi piece that….somehow stowed away with her without her noticing.

Thankfully, Keiko takes it out with ease.

“Among the thousands of Sushi chefs around the world, I’m the only woman who can make man eating sushi.”

Can’t argue with that.

“I’m waiting to serve you”

Roll credits.

Wait, what? That’s the end. We never see the aftermath of the Sushi attack, we never see what happens to the other characters, we don’t really get much wrap up with Dad…it just kind of stops. But…i guess we got what we wanted and it kind of ended an okay note. Also, if you’re Dad is being a jackass, you are the one who needs to change, not him.

Great lessons from the zombie sushi movie!

Also, the credits include 3 amazing things.

1. Blooper reel.

2. The evil Sushi chant/song from earlier.

3. A message from the director saying No Sushi were harmed in the making of this movie.

The only fitting way to end the movie.

Final Thoughts:

It’s safe to say this is the best movie ever. Right, Martial?

…Indeed. But that isn’t all I have to say. In all seriousness, this was one of the most entertaining films I’ve seen in a long time. Every inch of it is pure FUN and it knows exactly what it wants to be. The idea alone is funny but it makes advantage of EVERYTHING you can do with it.

When you get down to it, the story doesn’t offer much substance except a slapped on (but okay) moral and one dimensional characters. But even then, there is charm to some of them and the “story” never gets in the way of the main attraction.

As much as I enjoy Sharknado, I admit the Non-Shark scenes can be a tad dull and it isn’t all that fun when compared to other bad movies. This however, is fun in every scene, down to the weird little things they say.

This is helped by how obviously tongue in cheek it is. I said earlier this film was inspired by Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and it shows. The Sushi obsessed word, and parts of the dialogue show the writer/director wanted this to be a flat out Comedy where the actors act 100 percent serious.

The actors play it up so seriously that it makes it even funnier. The main chick is charming and helps the kind of sweet parts. Everyone else also is clearly having a ton of fun, especially the guy playing Yamada.

Yeah, maybe some won’t be able to look past parts of the story and characters, and there are parts that make no sense, even by the standards of this movie. But that kind of adds to the charm. It’s a “So bad it’s good” movie that KNOWS it’s bad, that has elements that weren’t meant to be a dumb. It’s a perfect mix, and the actually dumb moments make even better.

The effects are enjoyable cheap, the action scenes are fast paced and fun, and it’s just a fun time. Every inch of it is fun, and even the early scenes are great due to this odd world it’s set in. On a critical level, it’s simply good since I consider almost a spoof like Killer Tomatoes but on a pure fun level, it’s great.

Grade: B+

The grade was hard but that’s the grade for how much fun I had with it. So anyway, there we go. As for the next review…I have a little baggy with tons of little bits of paper with movie names, that I made to make the selection process easier.

I picked the next review out. I hope it’s as awesome as this one!

Grown_Ups_2_Poster

….Fuck.

See ya!

(Special thanks goes to Martial Horror for the cameo!)

About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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