To Boldly Flee (Part 1)

That Guy with the 3 hour movie that makes Return of the king look short.

That Guy with the 3 hour movie that makes Return of the king look short.

Hello, Spongey here.

…This one is gonna be hard to explain. Welcome to my 2nd real Multi part review! I say that cuz the movie is 3 fucking hours long and thus 3 parts might be needed.

Yet some of the guys in this bitch about the bloated length of The Hobbit. Irony.

Anyway, if you know of this “film”, and you saw this title….you say “What the hell”. After all, it’s not exactly a real movie like the ones I do. So why am I doing it? I’ll explain in a second.

You guys are oblivious aware of That Guy with the glasses.com, home of many reviewers we love to bitch about. The site started in April of 2008. So in 2009, they wanted to celebrate it , so they made a huge sketch known as “Year 1 Brawl”.

For their 2nd anniversary, they went a little bigger. They didn’t make a sketch. They made a MOVIE. It was called Kickassia. It was about The Nostalgia Critic, who decides to get all his fellow reviewers to invade the Micro nation of Molassia.

Like you do.

And yes, Molassia is a real place, and they nor only got permission to film there, but the president played himself in it. AWESOME.

This epic film (split into parts when it came out) was a huge hit so for the 3rd Anniversary they did another movie that was about 2 hours long. It was called “Suburban Knights”. This one upped the stakes as The Critic gets his pals again to find an ancient artifact and ends up upsetting a bunch of bad guys.

This one had a mixed reception, due to some jokes that went on too long and all that. However, it was even more cinematic with a full on storyline with mythology and all that. But this one was even important to the story of TGWTG for reasons I’ll explain in the proper review.

So they invaded a nation, and faced magic evil dudes. What could they possibly do for 2012 to top it?

SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Yep, for this one they did a Space epic. Since Space obviously has to be an effect, they thankfully got to film mostly indoors, as the last 2 made them face shitty weather (as shown in the epic SK doc on the DVD)..

This one was hyped to hell, since it was confirmed to be the last movie cuz nothing could top it. There were even small things in the trailer that made people think this might actually be the swan song for the critic.

But everyone shrugged it off, as they thought he would never retire. ….Yeah.

But anyway, this film was the hugest in scope and it payed off. They got even more TGWTG reviewers then the 2nd one, and people liked it. Some were mixed on parts, but it went over well.

So why am I reviewing it? Eh…why not. I thought it would be fun to do a movie like this and treat it like a real movie. Now, I should mention that I haven’t seen this movie in full yet.

I watched the first few parts as they were coming out, but I got lazy and never saw the last couple. Yes, it’s been almost 2 years and I know how it ends, but I’ve never seen it.

Shut up.

So how does TGWTG’s big 4 Year romp pan out? Is it worth the 3 hours, or would we rather the NC remember so we never have to? Let’s find out!

This, is To Boldly Flee

The movie opens with….the ending of Suburban Knights Yeah, to get us caught up we see the whole ending of SK….which means right away I have to explain in.

See, in the Critic’s Captain Planet review we got introduced to a….interesting version of Ma-ti. In that video, it was just a joke where the NC talked to Ma-ti and he turned to be…well not him and he ran off.

But that part was retcon’d as he turned into Ma-ti in his future reappearances. His crazy-ness would end being hilarious and he became a Channel Awesome character is his own right.

And….he died in Suburban Knights…for real. Not gonna spoil how, but he did it was actually a damn sad scene and it hit the critic pretty well. I never expected the death of him to get me….but I cried at a Balloon’s death once so I can’t talk.

So yeah, the movie opens with that death scene, and the bit where they put his ashes in a can and throw it into space. We see the can floating in space…as it explodes.

Then we get our opening credits, include the “A __ Film” credit…which I will let slide. Then they show us the names of every single damn cast member. Doesn’t they go at the END?!

…Then they show us the other names like producers, effects artists and all that. It’s cool for this to feel like a real movie but when it takes 5 minutes to get to the plot in an internet movie….that’s a problem.

The movie finally starts with Paw (Of “Paw’s music movies” internet fame) hanging out as he hears a weird signal. Worried, he gets in his car and drives off and…we cut to the critic. Paw’s thing will be explained later.

“Critic’s log. Stardate….uh…Thursday”

Well, that is when this part comes up, so you got it.

The Critic (Doug Walker) tells us that everyone has moved from the Death of Ma-Ti but it still hit him pretty hard. And here we have the center of the movie. You would never expect a TGWTG production to be a character piece, but here it is.

This is about the development of the critic. How he deals with Ma-Ti’s death and more. While some of it is a bit odd, it actually works very well and you get sucked into the story this time.

Bored, the Critic calls Film Brain (Mathew Buck), probably interrupting d him from working hard in his next review, coming out in 345 years. (I kid, I know why he doesn’t update as much).

‘Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be forgotten?”

“Well, now that you mentioned it-”

/’I didn’t think so”

Yeah, FB is the butt monkey of these movies compared to his actual show. It’s funny.

This pep talk doesn’t exactly work out, so NC hangs up. I don’t see the point of this outside of showing that NC is sad….which we already know.

But then the doorbell rings, and Critic answers it to find some dude.

“Critic, you’re under house arrest”.

Oh crap.

“Under what charges?”

Then…we cut to Terl. Yeah, if you don’t follow NC’s reviews, you will be so lost. Terl is a character from Battlefield Earth, and in his review Noah Antwiler played a spoof of him. He was pissed at the critic and other such critics so that is why he is one of the villains here.

Terl is telling some court that the Critic is a menace who has done a bunch of bad shit. Some dude, (Played by Doug walker’s father) tells him there is no need to tell him this, as the SUCKA bill will stop internet reviews like the critic for good.

….Yeah this is a not so sublte satire on the SOPA bill, which was shut down by the time this movie came out. Some were not so happy with this plot detail as it kind of settles down after a bit. But I actually think it’s a funny way to mock how people just don’t get that internet reviewing is legally fine.

Yeah, it’s an old point but it keeps happening, even if SOPA is done with. But you know what does me? This gag where court TV places an odd over Terl’s speech, and the dude says the government pays for advertising./

So they are making fun of pointless ads….when most of the reviewers now have bothersome midstream ads.

Self depreciation? I hope…

We cut to some snooty Government dude and his obligatory nerdy assistant as he rants about Internet reviewers.

“Smurfs 2 may have be canceled”

I wish…

Also, amazing out of context line:

“Chipmunks eating poo is the epitome of high art!”

After a gag where the dude can’t turn on a computer (hard har hr) we cut to Paw as he calls a meeting with the C list reviewer cast for the move. This includes Angry Joe (Joe Vargas), CR (Chad Rocco), and Sci-Fi guy (Leo Thompson).

This is the space Research committee which exists for plot connivance and technobabble. Paw shows them a weird sound he recorded earlier. They find out it is somehow coming from Jupiter….which seems to be getting bigger.

Back with the Critic, he gets a call from Terl. who engages in an overly gag as he is pissed off about what happened with them.

“Can you legally do anything to me?”

“No”

He hangs up. Nice.

But then Critic hears….the voice of Ma-Ti. He looks for the source of it, but he just finds Spoony (Noah, again).

“Have you lost your mind?”

…I’m not touching that one.

So yeah, Spoony has the voice of Ma-Ti now, and he asks Critic to find his body. And something a hole, and how it’s coming.

“Say no more about your coming hole”

On a side note, Critic has a Kickassia poster in his house. …That’s like how the Double Dragon game was in the Double dragon movie. It makes no sense.

Then we cut to Linkara (Lewis Louvhog) as Paw calls to ask for his Spaceship. …

“It’s explained in my videos”

Yeah, what he said.

“What do I review paw?”

“…Lamps?”

Think that was funny? That gag came from Sad Panda’s “Top TGWTG reviewers list” where this gag stretched to having a whole theme for Atop the light bulb. Hell, his 2013 April fool’s video started out as a lamp video!

But oddly enough, this gag actually started in the script for this film and the reference in that video was a reference to a gag we didn’t even know about yet. Whoa.

Then Linkara sees a news thingy on TV given to use through some pretty stale line readings via a reporter. Though in this type of movie, bad acting is a given.

And then Linkara is attacked…by Mechakara. Yeah, another thing from his videos you may not get. It’s his evil robot double….don’t ask.

We then cut to Spoony, as these doctors (played by The Nostalgia Chick’s “Backup crew” as I like to call them) look at him. After another overly long gag, we find out Spoony is Cuckoo for coca puffs. Again, not touching that one.

After that bit of useful info, we cut to Terl’s ship as he meets with a figure known as the Emperor, mean Executor, played by Rob Walker. He says he sense “the hole” in Spoony and he could be a danger to them.

“Everything must go according to plan”

Can I just say that Rob does an AMAZING impression of the Emperor? Anyway, the bad guys want Spoony but Terl gets a call from that snooty Government dude, who is named Lame R Prick. Hardy har.

He wants in on Terl’s plan to get rid of the critic. Then we cut to Linkara’s better with Mechakara….which he losses. Yep, Mechakara defeats Linkara and walks out to take his place, as no one will tell the difference.

Yep, we’re not getting much of the real Linkara in this one, which sucks. But Mechakara is cool too. Then we cut to the Critic waking up to the Last Angry geek in his bed.

…It’s less dirty then it sounds.

“Didn’t you try to kill me last year?”

“This is about Ma-Ti, your front door was open and Yes, I could have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you pesky kids.”

He tells NC that while Ma-Ti’s body died, his character lived. Just like other dead “characters” such as Dumbledore. After saying that, he touches Critic’s head to check inside his mind. Don’t ask.

“There’s nothing of Ma-Ti in there. He never melded with you. Everything he is over ever was, is lost”

Before we have any idea what that means, something that came from the same place that signla came from crashes into Sci Fi Guy’s house and supposedly kills him.

They make a joke so it’s not quite as dark as it sounds.

Back with the critic, we find out that Spoony indeed has Ma-Ti’s…character inside him. That’s cool but they are watching this via Security footage, which is a flat out clip from Suburban Knights.

This would just be an amusing error…until Last Angry geek points it out.

“There’s no Continuity! Things are starting to unravel I sense a disturbance in the plot”

Yeah….he explains that the “plot” is the hand that guides us, and gives our “story arcs” propose. But now, something is up. This doesn’t make a ton of sense but not only will it make some kind of sense later, but it will be awesome.

He leaves but he tells Critic he needs to find Spoony and do everything he says. Speaking of, we cut him as the Doctors are doing stuff. Then some of his friends some in, such as The Cinema Snob (Brad Jokes) Luke (some dude who was against Film brain SK and all that), and Bennett the Sage.

Luke tells us Snob is putting him under his wing to teach him to be a snow. Oh god. Anyway, they hook up Spoony to some thingy and they have the guys ask him questions and the machine will read his mind and give them the truthful answers.

Several painfully obvious jokes with that later, we cut to the Critic as he is visited by The Nostalgia Chick (Linsday Ellis) who shows up for a Rocky Horror crossover review.

I still want that.

tbf 1

He invites her in to tell her about the whole Spoony/Ma-Ti thing. He just says some stuff about weird dreams or whatever. Chick just partakes in some “She’s stalking Todd and hates Lupa cuz he likes her” jokes which are still pretty funny.

tbf 2

Back with Spoony, they finally ask him important questions and now they are kind of talking to the Ma-ti in Spoony’s head. Ma-Ti tells us he is on the moon of Europa. …Yeah, there’s that. Back with Critic and Chick, they prank call Obscurus Lupa (Allison Pregler) who catches on to the fact it’s the Chick and makes a crack about Chick”s um, padded bra.

Cue of shot of Critic looking down at that area. ….Okay.

So Ma-Ti tells the gang that he got to Euro[a through….the hole. As this goes on, Critic gets a message in his computer from…Ma-Ti. How he can be “talking” the gang there and contacting the critic at the same time is anyone’s guess.

“Why did you leave me to die?”

Dun dun dun.

So the Doctor’s ask Ma-Ti where “The Hole” is. All they get is a bunch of weird ass blue prints and shit on their computer. At the same time, Critic’s computer gets overloaded by even more weird ass shit in a bit that goes on too long. That seems to be a theme here.

Then both parties have their computer thingy explode. …Cool.

So they say that Spoony is now using 92 percent of his brain. If he reaches 100…

“Boom”

Yeah.

They are interrupted as Lame Prick (still love that name) enters with his goons.

‘Tell him about sage’s Weenier!”

“…That might sound weird out of context”

Lame’s assistant unplugs Spoony and it causes…a kaboom. A boom that causes a bunch of weird pink lights to float all over town and make weird shit happen. This is where we get cameos from TGWTG people hwo couldn’t show up like Welshy and Rap Critic.

So Critic pushed a button that telports the rest of our cast (Phelous, Todd in the shadows, Marzgurl, Sad panda, Jew Wario, and Eight Bit Micket) there.

“Hello again”

After we see that Lame has captured Spoony for Terl, Critic explains things to them and asks for their help. After Jesu Ottaku shows up (Christ, New Year’s even had a smaller cast) shows up, Critic says that while he has been a dick to them in past, he wants to make up for now.

“I have a chance to do something right’

Again, this is a pretty good show case for the Critic’s development.

So everyone is on board. But they need help figuring out what it so going so….they visit Dr Insano. Getting into would take long but Dr Insano is this inept evil scientist that Noah plays who is the kind of the villain of the site. There is more to him but…we won’t get into it. Especially after what happens with him in Kickassia.

After a bit, Insano explains to them what is going.

“We’re dealing with….a plot hole”

Yeah…see, a plot hole is a black hole type thing that shoots out nothing but mistakes and crazy shit. How did it come about? Well, when Ma-Ti’s ring mixed with Malachite’s hand (Don’t ask, it’s a long story), it ripped a hole in the space Story Arc Continuum.

Which is the in-story reason for why they can’t tell between Linkar and Mechakara, except Rule of Funny.

“It also explains why Spoony could transform into me in Kickassia”

…Guess I got into it after all.

So if they don’t stop the plot hole, it will take over the universe and it will go insane. Yeah, they now a literal plot hole that is the reason for …the plot holes. Now they have an in story excuse for bad writing.

This was mixed for some people, as some though it was clever, as some were worried it would be…well an excuse for bad writing. Thankfully, they use it in clever ways and Linkara even says he refuse to use the plot hole to handwave something that made no sense in his show.

Anyway, the gang jacks Insano’s stuff so they can put up his science-y gear in Critic’s house. Yep, they turn his house into a spaceship so they can out and find the plot hole.

However, Lame Prick’s goons show up to stop them. 8 Bit Mickey is able to hold them off into Lame shows up. Then we get the bit where he insults Mickey, he takes it personally, and….brutally murders Lame off screen.

….Jesus.

Mickey goes back to the gang and explains Spoony is over at Europa. And yes, that is the end of Lame’s little sideplot. I think we could have cut that out since Terl and Executor make good enough villains, but ah well.

“But Critic, won’t this violate your house arrest?”

“Why? I’m not leaving the house”

Uh, they already knew they were going into space with the house, so that line makes no sense. Oh wait, plot hole.

So with some great music, they fly their house off into space. And now we’re ONE HOUR into this 3 hour movie, and they finally get to space.

And….this where we end part 1. Yeah, I know I could go longer and my full 80 minute/4 day rotation but with a 3 hour movie, it makes sense to end at each hour. I felt this was a good place to stop.

So…

WILL THEY FIND SPOONY? WILL THEY STOP THE BAD GUYS? WILL CRITIC PATCH THINGS UP WITH MA-TI? WILL FILM BRAIN WIN THE CRITIC’S HEART?!

FIND OUT…SAME CRITIC TEAM…SAME CRITIC CHANNEL!

TO BE CONTINUED…IN THE REVIEW AFTER THE ONE AFTER THIS ONE. GOTTA TAKE A BREAK WITH A BAD 2013 MOVIE. SEE YA AFTER THAT.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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