Hello, Spongey here.
A few months ago I reviewed Movie 43, a sketch comedy film with offensive subject, terrible humor and just lain awful-ness. It got terrible reviews, and has a new rep as the worst film of the year.
Or does it? See, not too long after it’s release, a NEW film popped up in limited release that was said to be even WORSE. So much so that Tv tropes knocked Movie 43 of the So bad it’s horrible page to make room for this.
It’s so bad that Spill.com felt bad for giving a Double fuck you to Movie 43, and felt this movie truly deserved it instead. It only has 5 Reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but that was enough to give it a big fat 0 percent.
But how did it even come to be? Well, allow me to introduce you to Vince offer…or as you may know him…The shamwow guy. Yep, the guy who does those incredibly odd Shamwow ads on TV.
“You’re gonna love my nuts!”
Yeah, those ads.
Before he did that, in 1999 he did “The Underground Comedy Movie” which was also an offensive sketch film that people hated. It fell into obscurity, but the money he made off of it is what he got him to do Shamwow in the first place.
The more you know indeed.
So after some legal crap, and a cameo in Jack and Jill, he decided to remake his movie and make it even bigger. And that’s what brings me here today. I heard the DVD came out later, which meant I could hold off on it til like January.
But for some reason, Netflix picked it up earlier, and random.org picked this one….so here we are. Is this movie as awful as everyone says it is…and will I need to apologize to Movie 43? Let’s find out.
This, is InAPPropriate Comedy
The movie opens with a dude stuck in cave, with no food or water. He’s leaving a video message for his family. Then some other dude walks.
“Wait…what the fuck?”
My thoughts exactly. So um, that other dude walks out and goes in some weird villain-looking lair. He just kind of sits there and plays his ipad.
Then it cuts to Lindsay lohan trying to do the Maylrin Monroe air vent thing. Then the dude goes on the ipad and sees the view oh her um…underparts somehow…and the camera zooms in and there’s a portal and….it segues into the opening titles.
…Are the opening titles in Lindsay Lohan’s Vagina?
…Don’t answer that. So after the like 3 minute long credits, the guy selects another app which goes into skit #1. Wait, what? That’s our set up! Some dude presses an app and it has a skit?
…That’s really lame. Even Movie 43’s wraparound was more interesting!
Our first skit starts like the trailer for an action movie….called Flirty Hairy.
“Go ahead. Make me gay”
…Is it too late to quit?
So the joke in this is that Adrian Brody here (How the mighty have fallen) makes a lot of gay innuendos.
“Those assholes opened up and started spray everywhere”
“These are just weird phrase you’re using now!”
“Am I the only one who had an erection…A when he started talking?”
…This is gonna hurt.
…And that’s the skit. After the boss makes him have a new partner or something, the dude closes the app. That wasn’t even 5 whole minutes! …But at least the pain was short lived.
Skit #2 is…Blackass. Classical music plays while a bunch of black dudes do bad things, and they end up falling into a vat of something…and the skit ends.
That wasn’t even 2 minutes. I’m glad these aren’t too long but please make them, you know, FUNNY!
Skit #3 is…The Amazing Racist. Oh god. Some dude named Ari rambles to the camera about immigrants and how they suck. He spots 2o of them running by and starts asking people if they saw them coming through.
He bumps into a black guy and makes some smei-racist small talk that goes nowhere. Then he sees a mexican dude at the gas station and makes more small talk. Then he leads the Mexican dude into a trap aka a cage on the back of his truck.
He takes him over to some border cops who free the Mexican guy, arrest Ari and…end skit.
WHERE. IS. THE. FUCKING JOKE.
I don’t get it. Some dude does racist things, captures a Mexican dude, who is himself a stereotypes and …i…what? There’s no punchline! No point! I mean, it’s not the most painful thing ever…but it’s close! What the hell?!
…Let’s just move on. The next skit is…more blackass. 15 minute in and they are already re-using skits? This time the black guys have a cock fight….with their real cocks which are giant. Thankfully I cannot show it but….ugh.
They stab each other…and end. For god’s sake, even Movie 43 had a few punchlines at this point! Skit #4 (I won’t count re-uses) is …The Porn Review. It’s a spoof of Siskel and Ebert only with porn…and Rob Schneider.
Even he’s too classy for this movie. Speaking of which, Michelle Rodriguez is the female host.
We see them reviewing a Japanese porn that is shockingly not Hentai. Would you belive that the porn clip is the most un-funny thing I’ve seen here so far? I won’t sum it up cuz it’s…ugh.
I don’t really have anything to say. Most of this is the porn and I am just watching this stone faced. The pron has um….weird stuff, including plenty of racist things but you expected that.
After the movie ends, we see that Rob hated it, and Michelle liked it. I never thought I would agree with Rob Schneider but here we are. Anyway, the lady explains the symbolism and Rob starts to get it.
…But their tech guy jacked off to the movie and came in his popcorn. The lady throws up. I’m right there with you….and the skit. Why are all of these skits so JOKELESS?!
After ANOTHER useless round of Blackass we get….more Flirty Harry. Guys, these kids weren’t funny the first time. They will not be funny the next 64556 times!
“You must have big balls coming in my face like that”
At least with all these dumb likes, we get SOME variety in the jokes, unlike the other skits we’ve seen so far. And that’s really all this “Flirty Harry” thing is. Harry going around, making a bunch of gay joke.
“Coming out….this summer!”
End skit. Okay, I think I get it. We have like 4 types of skits that will just continue as the movie goes on. But the issue is, none of these are funny or lead to more than just their one joke. At least Movie 43 offered SOME variety in the skits, to an extent.
So next up is more Amazing Racist. This one is about Ari starting a driving school…for Asians. Oh joy. Like the first round, it’s very aimless as Ari acts racist to some Asian people. He even tapes this one guy’s eyes open. I….bah.
He also randomly claims that Asian kill their daughters. What.
“I was born in this country. Fuck you”
You go, girl.
“I’m more American then you are, jew”
I chuckled at that. I’m going to hell.
This goes on as Ari puts some offensive glasses for this dude, and really pisses off the chick. He does this by asking her dumb question like….”Is your pussy slanted?”
Thankfully, he is slapped for that. This chick is the best character so far. Now, since the Asian people themselves are shown to be normal, and the humor comes from Ari’s assumptions…you could argue this is about as racist as Ron Fox in Harold and kumar 2.
But oyu know what the difference is? THAT MOVIE WAS FUNNY. …At least to me, it was.
“Your own hand doesn’t even wanna give you a handjob”
This chick has given us the only funny lines so far. Wow.
Eventually,the dude and the chick get pissed and leave. End skit. You know, this isn’t as overly painful as I expected …but it’s also really aimless and devoid of anything resembling actual humor.
Next up…more fucking Blackass. These are least shorter than the others. This one has the black dudes as babysitters. This one is actually more like Amazing racist, which has someone thinking they sit black stereotypes,which pisses them off.
Except they do fit them by doing insane and stupid things. Nothing really happens and the skit ends. Why am I even here?
Next up is more Porn review. Great. Here they are reviewing “Sperm Lake” which is a gay porn spoofing Swan lake. It….goes in weird directions, and it’s insane and not funny. Shocked?
At one point, a bunch of dudes cum on another dude. As shitty as that is, at least I finally get overt grossness to hate. And again, the dude behind them cums in his bucket. They suggest killing “Bob”. End skit.
- got nothing. What I can say to all this?! I got nothing witty, clever, or amusing for this! Even Movie 43 gave me SOMETHING! This movie is NOTHING!
But anyway, next up is more Flirty Harry. I hate my life. This one is worse cuz Harry is talking to an Asian waitress. It’s as awfully racist as it sounds. At least amazing racist kind of mocked this type of thing….but there’s no hint of irony here!
“He always gets his man…in the end”
At least this one was short. Next up is more Blackass. Okay, these writers clearly love Blackass more than I do. This one has the big black one in a hut tub with his white girlfriend and her kind of scared friends.
Things get awkward and un-funny. I’m serious guys. This bit just has the black dude being weird and doing sex shit, and…i don’t know. I have nothing for this movie. NOTHING.
It goes on far too long too. The other Blackass skits where short but this is so painful. Thankfully,it finally. But Sadly, up next is more Amazing racist. This time, Ari is in a market with a petition for jews to apologize for killing Jesus.
Again, the people tell Ari he’s being dumb but I think it’s worse than the last one cuz./…i don’t know, it’s so more aimless this time. Not to mention that ARI HIMSELF IS JEWISH.
“Cuz jews love money right? Tempting…no thank you”
How come the ladies Ari bumps into get the only funny lines? Anyway, I kind of get what they are tying to do with these amazing racist skits. They are trying a Borat kind of thing, where a character goes around shocking “real people” only here it’s a bunch of actors.
Only there, it works cuz….well not only are the reactions more genuine but IT’S FUNNY.
“I see your friend with the camera here. It’s not inconspicuous”
Another funny line! Why is that the worst skits are getting the only funny lines?
“There’s a lot of hatred in world”
The would be less if this movie didn’t exist. One guy does sign it, and under name he puts “fuck you”. Okay, the only amusing moments are in the most racist skit. How does that happen?
After that, Ari is kicked out. End skit. This movie is gonna be the end of me.
Next up is…a new one! FINALLY! This is “Psychology Ward” where Rob Schneider (yay?) is a psychologist who is talking to a sex addict. This one is kind of depressing, as the lady is really broken about how she keeps wanting all kinds of sex, and even resorts to drugs.
So…where’s the joke? I don’t know, this guy goes along with a hint of humor. Sure, we have Rob sitting there just not giving a shit, asking for her drug pills, taking one….but that’s it.
…The then drugs make him pass out on the floor. End skit.
…WHERE. IS THE. JOKE. What the fuck was supposed to be funny?! Some lady is addicted to sex, she tries about it, Rob doesn’t care, take pills, passes out….WHERE’S THE JOKE!?
I don’t get it. There was nothing funny about that at all. I….what?! That was…ugh, let’s just move on.
Next up is more blackass. No, fuck you I’m skipping this one. All that happens is …well, I’ll say two words: Abortion Clinic. THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
After that, we get another new one! It’s called “Things you’ll never see”. I assume it’s a good joke in this movie?
“A Beautiful girl, dating an older man,…who is poor”
After that, we have…more amazing racist. This movie hates me. In this one, Ari is offering free boat trips….to take African americans back.
It’s more of the same, and even the blackass guys would reject it. At one point, Ari sees a black chick with a white dude and is shocked to see. I hate you.
“Because I’m a civilized person, I’m not gonna beat your ass fucking senseless!”
No, please beat his ass. PLEASE!
“You are fucking racist”
In other news, the sky is blue.
“I am not a jew, they are the grossest of the gross!”
I hate you.
At this point, these skits are the same shIt:
Lather,rinse, fuck you. At one point, someone beats Ari up, thank god. Bu then Ari reveals it’s a hidden camera show, and it’s all a joke.
“It’s not fucking funny”
The skit abruptly ends there. After more fucking Blackass, we get….amazing racist. WHAT THE FUCK WE JUST HAD HIM! But this one isn’t so bad….cuz we see the government dumping Ari in Afghanistan.
As bad as the joke is, he so deserves it. Sadly, we mostly see Ari yelling about how much he hates Arabs. This one is actually MORE racist, cuz ir flat out reinforces the Arab stereotypes. Ugh.
…And then we zoom out of Linsday lohan’s Vagina and join the guy and his ipad again. Oh god, is it finally freaking over? Also, was she just standing there over that grate for the past 74 minutes?
Some paparazzi form around Lohan (as per usual) and they ask for a shot of her, which they get.
“Can I shoot you?”
They say yes…and she pulls out 2 guns and shoots them. And….the movie stops. It just kind of….ends there. Nothing really made any sense, it was over in a flash, and the credits full of fucking outtakes. Yes, there is shit even this movie rejects.
Actually, that went by really fast. Movie 43 kind of dragged, but this over in a flash. It’s like a really bad fart. It’s unpleasant, and it’s over in a flash, but it was not worth going through.
Given the movie’s humor, that is a fitting analogy.
So yeah, this movie sucked. Hard. Before we compare it to Movie 43, let’s discuss it on it’s own. It’s not exactly what I would call painful it’s in execution, but it gets more painful the more I think about it.
None of the skits are clever or well thought out in any way. Flirty Harry is just a bunch of gay jokes that go nowhere, but at least that one has an IDEA. Blackass is just a bunch of crappy African American stereotypes that are crass, and un-funny.
Porno review has an amusing idea, but it boils down to some awful racist and homophobic jokes. The two one offs had crappy ideas with crappy execution. And amazing racist….ugh. I get the idea but the last few were especially bad in how they showed off racism more than mocked it.
And Ari deserves to burn in hell with a big black satan shoving his dick up hi-okay this is getting awkward.
The “wrap around” makes no sense at all, but it first the time I found Linsday Lohan hot in awhile. So there is that. So on it’s own, it’s a shitty comedy that has some okay idea but it’s done really badly, and offensively to boot.
But is it worse than Movie 43? Eh, I don’t know. I actually Movie 43 was a tad more painful with the Home school skit, and the ending to the talking cat thing. That was just awful, while this one didn’t hurt me as much.
But in some ways, it is worse as the skits had no real ideas. And I was left stone faced, saying nothing. Even movie 43 had me talking. This is the kind of shit that leaves you speechless. This movie has nothing going for it. Only a couple lines worked, and they weren’t even that good.
The acting is okay, I guess though I think only Rob Schneider kind of impressive with how different he was. Yes, Rob Schneider is the best actor in the movie.
That’s all I need to say.
So there you go. It’s not the most painful thing ever, but it’s still crap. So let’s fix that up with a little Christmas spirit! Yep, next review is December 1st which means CHRISTMAS REVIEWS!
What shall I start with? …Find out then!