Hello, Spongey here.
At this point, no introduction is needed. I’ve done 5 buddies movies, and every time it’s the same damn thing. You know how it all started. You know how bad the plot, jokes, and characters are.
Why am I even here? Why can’t I start the review now? Cuz I must do a real intro. This is the 6th entry in the official buddies franchise, that came out in 2012. In Air, our pups had a cliché adventure. In Snow buddies, they went to alska. Then they went to space, saved chrfistmas, and fought an evil wizard.
Spooky Buddies ended up being not horrible. Yes, I didn’t hate a buddies movie. It had effort put into it,. And parts of the story were okay and I enjoyed the villain. If they stopped there, I could forget this series ever existed.
But nope, they made another. This time, we have an Indian Jones style adventure. If the 4th one didn’t kill Indy for you, this movie will do it. This one isn’t too special production wise.
I’m just angry cuz I just got off of a GOOD Egypt story, and now I have to do a bad one. This movie would be greatly improved if it had someone eating Mummy guts in it.
I don’t need to say much else. I’ll get into cast changes in the proper review. It’s when this movie came out, that I thought they were simply out of ideas. Then they made Super buddies.
We’ll get to that one eventually. Now., I heard this one was REALLY bad. Like, the 2nd worst. I hear the worst is Space Buddies, though I honestly hated Santa buddies a bit more.
So from the buzz ,this sounds great. With no further ado, I present the next entry in the epic buddies saga.
This, is Treasure Buddies
The movie opens with an absolutely …atrocious CGI desert. Christ, you couldn’t find a decent looking sandbox to film in?
We really open on a desert town with a talking monkey named Baby voiced by Maulik Pancholy.
It only took One whole minute to piss me off. That has to be a new record.
We know this guy is good at an inidna accent, but here, he’s horribly racist. Especially l his nephew, Babu who sounds like Apu’s retarded cousin. Anyway, Baby is pick pocket who collects shiny objects.
Babu looks up to him, and wants to learn about the best treasure he ever found. He says that is a great story….which he will now tell us.
“It started when your Unlce Babi meet the buddies”
“You met the buddies?”
Are the buddies really so famous that people in…insert stereotypical desert town here, know about that?!
“Baby once saved their lives”
Which means I hate you right away.
So his story actually starts 40 years ago with the great adventurer Indiana Jo-i mean Thomas Howard. His partner was the subtly named dog, Digger.
He was tried to find the treasure of …sigh, Celocatra. We see him finding half of a dial thingy. But of course, the place is booby trapped.
They run out while a cheap ripoff of the Indian Jones theme plays. There’s homage, and there’s this shit.
Babi explains that many years went by and Thomas retried, moved to Fernfield, opened a museum and had a grandson named Pete. Yep, he’s the grandpa one of the buddy owners. This is starting to be like a bad TV show, where shit like this is made up as they go along.
“Digger had grandpuppies who are heroic just like him”
Whoa…are you saying the dog of some adventurer was Air Bud’s dad? That…is so contrived I can’t even type right now.
We join the buddies at said museum /Okay, let’s go over cast changes. Buddha and B-dawg are the same from Spooky, but Budderball is now that red haired kid from Paranorman. More wasted talent.
Mudbud is also the same, as is Rosebud. So only one changed this time, which is nice for those who want consistency in their dog movies.
Also, Sheriff Barnacle boy Is with them. Yeah.
“That digger dog is old school. I’m the new fly dog”
I hate you.
So then a guy shows up dressed in black with a hairless cat. Hmmm….something tells me this is the villain. He hangs in the background while we find out the museum is closing.
They don’t have the funding. Let me guess: The buddies will go looking for ancient treasure to fund the museum. If I’m right, fuck you.
“How did dogs become man’s best friend when cat’s were first”
Ah the great questions brought up by Treasure Buddies.
As it turns out, it did used to be that way, but , the ancient baddy Celocatra wanted to rule over all creatures and, you guessed it, take over the world. This doesn’t deserve the joke.
Cuz she was thwarted by some dog, the order was changed so Dog’s would be man’s best friend.
“That’s why it’s in our DNA to chase cats”
Yet another movie clams Cats are evil and dogs are jesus.
There’s a statue of an old evil cat that B-dawg is afraid of. But they tell him to calm dwn and they walk away. B-dawg jumps at the statue….which then hisses at him.
Hey, if B-dawg got up in my “grill”, I’d hiss too.
Pete heads to Thomas’s office and he shows him his old adventuring tools. Then the oh so subtle guy in black pops up. As it turns out, he has the other half of the dial.
Yep, and they match it with Thomas’ half. This is Phillip, who says it took a long time to find the dial. He says the egytptian government wanted to keep it on the down low until they found Celocatra’s treasure.
Or he hid it for more evil reasons. Cuz he’s so obviously evil.
So of course he wants the retired adventurer to come back and start something he finished, all for evil reasons. No, I’m not doing the cliché count again.
Thomas says he has a camping trip with Pete planned, but Phil suggests taking Pete with him. It wasn’t smart in Return of the mummy, it’s not smart here.
Thankfully, Dirty bud is not allowed cuz his Cat Ubasti is allergic. Also he works for the evil cat statue and he hates dog. I didn’t look it up, I just guessed cuz it’s SO OBVIOUS.
Phil convinces Thomas to step out of his new calm life to go for his old glory. It only took him a minute to think and say Yes. As the cliché goes.
And so we cut to a bit later as Pete and Thomas are going off to Egypt to find the treasure. His parents are cool with this of course. But then Ubasti tells Dirty Bud before they leave that she is evil and they will use the treasure to make cats rule again.
…Wow, the writers actually decided to fuck it and just tell us she’s evil so we don’t have to wait til the climax. We’re only 12 minutes in by the way. I’m glad they didn’t waste time in setting up the obvious crap.
D-dawg overheard that and calls the other buddies over to the airport (Don’t ask) to tell them something is up. When Phil said no dogs allowed, I cheered. But leave it to this movie to dash my hopes.
Spooky didn’t have much of the buddies, so I guess they have to make up for their only success with a huge failure.
They buy it cuz….they fought an ancient wizard last time. Skipping a bit, the dogs stowaway on the plane and we cut to that desert town from the opening.’
It’s as stereotypical as you can get. Also, this is a very okay looking set. …Oh, it’s supposed to be an actual town? Wow, you suck production designers.
It’s where we sadly meet the Bajeet monkey for real. He’s about to steal Phil’s pocket watch before Ubasti tells him to fuck off.
You know, in Air Buddies they made a plot point of how they needed to understand pigs can’t they don’t speak Dog. Wallace Shawn even said it was only possible for them to talk cuz he personally speaks dog.
Yet, here a cat and a monkey can talk even though it makes NO sense given what they said before. Yes, I am nitpicking the ever tight continuity of Treasure buddies.
By the way, the buddies are still in Phil’s DC-3 douglas airlinder…which they got into cuz they are in a box of TNT.
WHY DOES HE HAVE THAT?!
Yes, he’s evil ,but no one knows that yet! He’s BEGGING to be arrested! Speaking of, how he get it past anyone!? Even I know how tight this shit is now!
Anyway, Pete meets a little Arab girl with another racist accent. They hit off right away and well, I smell a love interest. The girl walks away as she is called by her dad.
Back with the buddies,we see that Fat Bad mistook the dynamite for…cheese and ate a bit of it. Then he emits a very stinky fart.
…This movie literally had a dog eat Dynamite and fart it out. Fuck. You,.
The dogs escape and Celocatra wonders how the “Dimwitted wonder dogs” got here. Well, I’m officially siding with the villain.
Anyway, the dogs split up to find Thomas and Pete. Buddha and B-dawg bump into a snake charmer.
INDIANA JONES: Why did it have to be snakes?
Shut up, you all saw it coming.
Rosebud, like all girls, ends up at the market and gets some fancy jewlerly. So we’ve had Racism and Sexism. Fun for thew hole family! If your family sucks.
Mudbud and Budderball head off and of course Fat Bud wants to eat. Then his food is taken by Baljeet.
“That’s how you meet the buddies? You stole Budderball’s Kabob?”
When you say it like that, it makes Baljeet kind of unlikable!
“You snooze, you lose. And Babi Winner winner Kabob dinner!”
…What a dick.
Fat Bud chases Baljeet, and the other dogs follow suit.
“Stop monkeying around, Budderball.
“I’m not making monkeying around, he is”
\In an attempt to not be a dick, Baljeet gives Fat Bud a fez. Cuz fezzes are cool. (I hope you all loved that joke).
And getting a hate makes up for thievery somehow. So they introduce themselves and explain what is going on. Also, Baljeet took Pete’s compass, which Dirty Mud says is important to him.
“Babi will give it to, perhaps in trade”
I know what they were going for, but this guy keeps stealing stuff, doesn’t care, and tries to make trades to take even more stuff that belongs to people. Baljeet is a DICK!
Specifically, he wants B-dawg’s bling Oh joy. But the thing, he is, the monkey also knows where Thomas and Pete are cuz he saw them. So they have to give it to him to get the info.
But since he’s a dick you could go back to being smart and look for him yourself. But they stop, as it’s getting late. Even though it was very afternoon-y a minute ago. Yay.
Baljeet offers them a place to sleep after they give him B-dawg’s bling.
“I’m practically naked with my bling”
Moments like that make this movie crap, while others make it…meh. We’ll see how this goes, we’re only 25 minutes in right now.
They had to Baljeet’s place, which isn’t actually his place as some racist dude drops his camel in here. And the camel is crying and…young.
“That mean human stole me from my mother!”
This camel is voiced by the same chick who voiced Tiny in Santa Buddies. …This is gonna suck.
Anyway, this young camel is normally with her “tribe” but some dick stole her.
Cammy the camel.
She’s a non aquatic, 3 humped mammal of action
She’s a feisty little dry foot who’ll nevr flinch from a fray-ay-ay!
She’s got more just no gills. She’s got no need to pay the bills.
And the parents scream whenever they hear her say:
“Insert cute line here”
Cammy the camel!
Baljeet tells them to go sleep while he tries to find out more Thomas and stuff. So if he knows where they are, he could just have taken the buddies there so they can sleep with them. I mean, what their goal in stowaway?
Did they assume they could stay there if found out? If so, then this bit makes little sense.
Through some stuff, they figure out where to put the complete dial: Some big …thingy in the town center. The big top spins around to show a small pyramid with a symbol of a moon in it.
The moon shoots a light that shows them the path to an Oasis that could lead them to the treasure. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere!
Baljeet sees this and the next morning, the buddies escape from the evil camel holder along with Cammy. They then follow Pete into the desert.
Babi hitches a ride on some car while the buddies and Cammy travel on their own. So he gets the car and they get to go on foot. Wow, what a dick.
So they walk across the worst desert ever put on film. Hours later, it gets to be dark so Pete, Phill, and Thomas set up camp. This hurts the buddies as it’s getting too dark to follow their trail.
Keep in mind, Baljeet’s ride is literally behind Pete and Thomas. So if he had them let go with him, they wouldn’t be lost and tired.
God, I hate this guy.
Back at the camo, Thomas launches into a story abou the cats eye necklace. Wait, this all a story by Babi so…Storyception? Wait, he’s not even in the room for half of these scenes! How did he know all this?!
Some Egyptian god gave that necklace to the human Cleoparta and Cleocatra was pissed. Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense, but some dog that was there stopped Celeocatra from taking it for her own.
A kind of hot Cleopatra was so pissed that she used that necklace to make Dog’s mans best friend and banished Cats from the palace. It’s just a movie and all, but am I the only who wants a movie where cats are the GOOD guys….that isn’t Garfield the movie?
Why is he even telling us shit we already know? Whatever, it’s time for them to hit the hay. Back with the buddies, they go to sleep after the obligatory forced sweet moment.
The next morning, Pete bumps into that girl, Farah, again. You know, if they cut out a lot of the filler, this could be more about the treasure aspect and not the other shit. Thus, it COULD have been almost spooky buddies tolerable.
But nope. She explains her tribe is going through the desert I know this is what kids think of when it comes to this stuff, but it doesn’t excuse how shockingly racist/stereotypical this move is.
Also, her dad says not to trust Phill, and he walks away. This is brushed off when Pete is interpreted by Phill starting their quest.
They head to the Oasis and find the Cat’s eye symbol, which must be the entrance. Indeed it is, and they head down into the tomb. We are not 40 minutes into this 90 minute movie, and already we’re at the part we all care about.
They dig around and find more clues and magic stuff. This part is almost decent, if cliched. So let’s fix that by cutting to the Baljeet monkey!
See, he was in the car of two of Phil’s goons who were with them. While they are in the tomb, he slashes their tires cuz…i don’t know. Ubasti sees this and tells him to fuck off. Like a scaredy cat, he does.
You know, there’s an unwritten rule where any comedy with a desert story HAS to have someone go crazy and hulicate. Perhaps you may remember Sokka’s adventure with Cactus juice.,
“Who lit Toph on fire?”
Well, it happens to Budderball who think he sees food. It’s funny cuz he’s fat. Shoot me.
Thankfully, they find the Oasis. They even bump into Baljeet the monkey. He explains that Pete and the gang are headed to Cleocatra’s tomb but they don’;t know were it is.
Baljeet could have still followed Pete but derpy doo. But he sees he saw Cammy’s tribe, so they shall go find them for help. Christ this plot meanders so much. The stuff with pete is coo but so small!
Speaking of, his gang are stuck of the tire slashing thing. Wait, how did they get on the road in the first place with the tires slashed? Well anyway, the buddies go indeed find Cammy’s tribute, and her mom.
Well, that was incredibly rushed. So they stay with her tribe that night and hold the most stereotypical party ever. Then there’s an extend segment where Cammy feeds Budderball their delicacy…bugs.
Back with Pete, he spies on Phil and finds out he is evil and wants to get rid of them. Gasp, the obvious villain is evil?! WHAT A SHOCK!
Pete tells Thomas who believes him. Eh, i’d rather we skip that disbelief cliché. Then Phill pops up to capture Pete.
Okay, now the movie is moving fast. The pacing could not be more inconsistent.
Like the cliché goes, Phil forces Thomas to do what he says or Pete gets it. Sadly, we must join the buddies and the tribe, as Baljeet says they will use a hot air balloon they randomly have.
They head off and only after a few seconds, they find the bad guy’s camp.
“We would have never have found it on foot!”
…It only took you a few minutes less than if you went on foot. This was pointless!
Anyway, they have to land but Baljeet is not familiar with “landing” one of these things. Christ, at every turn he fucks them over. If he wasn’t here, they could have gotten here on foot and would not need anyone to knife the balloon so they can land!
They crash land but the plot convenience sand storm won’t have it. Ah yes, the plot convenience storm. Itr comes in all shapes and sizes, and if you get exposed to one, you may suffer from PCD.
The people hide in their truck (cuz sand storms aren’t powerful enough to move cars somehow) while the animals hide in a cave that the people didn’t see….somehow.
And as it turns it out, it so happens to be a secret entrance to Cleocatra’s tomb! Only it’s guarded by a bad CGI snakes voiced by the same guy who voiced the owl in Spooky buddies.
So he has a test to see if the buddies’ intentions are pure. He says if he can hypnotize them them ,they are evil but if he can’t they are not.
Buddha does some snake charming while B-dawg gives him a beat. Ugh. The point it, it works and the snake sees them as good guys. …So he opens the path….by breathing FIRE into the next hallway.
…That….was worth the past 62 minutes of torture.
The sandstorm dies down and the humans see another entrance the tomb. It’s sealed tight…but that’s why Phil brought the TNT. Oh, it was another dumb contrivance.
Of course Thomas doesn’t approve how Phil is a dick about doing what he does. Phil is sadly like the bad guy in Snow Buddies, as he is simply too cliché for his own good, and not nearly as…amusing.
But thankfully, Thomas sees that the door has a thingy they can slip the dial in. Huh, weird they didn’t’ see it before.
Meanwhile, the buddies first find a room that Dirty bud helps them with. Then there’s a room where B-dawg acts like a dumbass.
NARRATOR!BABI: Then B-dawg fell into the pit of snakes.
And he died, the end.
Oh wait, that’s the ending in my version. Actually, in my version they die in the first minute, and the rest is the bad guy from Spooky buddies surfing on a broom for 87 minutes.
Anyway, Girl bud figures the way out and they head to the next room. I think this bit would actually be fun if the buddies and Babi weren’t so annoying. I love a good treasure hunt movie but only the bad guy’s bits really take advantage of it.
Fat Bud eats a bug which makes all the other bugs attack them. Thanks Bud-bama. Thankfully, they escape and end up in Cleocatra’s tomb at last.
Meanwhile, the humans also go through booby trapped rooms but these bits are a tad better. At least they guys aren’t too annoying.
Actually, I do like that they space out the dog and human scenes, unlike some of the others. But the dog scenes are pointless or lame, and the human scenes are cliché or too short..
Anyway, the buddies see Cleocatra’s necklace right away but B-awg puts it on since Babi still has his blind. I hate all of you.
Then Ubasti pops up and asks for what is rightfully hers. Then some cat statues come to life.
“I believe the numbers got more in my favor”
I admit, this villain is kind of amusing at points.
Also, one of Phi’s goons falls in that pit of snakes, and the other runs away. Uh, that was kind of….dark. Sadly, we must join the buddies right after.
B-dawg’s necklace starts it’s magic and it makes his eyes into bad CGI cat eyes, and he starts to meow. That’s creepy but it’s interrupted as the other dogs run so we can have a chase scene with the bad CGI cat statues.
There’s a lot of bad CGI in this movie. You think it would get better as time goes on!
They quickly dispatch them with the help of the booby traps. They also get B-dawg’s necklace off but Ubasti gets it right away.
I don’t know hwy she couldn’t just…take it.
While they are out dealing with that, the humans show up in the tomb. Ubasti lashes out at Phil and then says dogs will be banished and they will all be her slaves.
I don’t know if they can understand her or not, since they stare as if they know what she’s saying. But anyway, the magic in some other thingy…turns Ubasti into a statue.
Then Dirty Bud runs in to meet pete, and suddenly the wall opens to reveal the treasure they were looking for. Now let’s turn over the villain role to Phil as he shall take the treasure for himself.
Yeah, don’t question what the hell happened to your cat or anything.
So he and Thomas fight with swords. Okay, that’s kind of cool. Cliche but cool. Sadly, he is taken out by Pete with a…gong thingy.
As it turns out, there was a curse here to prevent a cat from using the necklace again. So our actually cool viillain was taken out by a plot conivence. Boo!
Then Phil gets up and takes the necklace. Okay, no one can just get up after being knocked out that. What was the point?!
They all run out but Phil is met with Camy’s tribe who runs in. And also Babi who tackles Phil. All while the rip off Indiana Jones theme plays.
CAMMY: Nobody messes with my friend!
I hate you.
Knocked down, Phil bumps into one of the dude’s in the tribe….who is with the Egyptian Secret Service. Sure why not.
And then we cut to another Stereotypical dance party. That’s it? What a lame villain defeat.
Thomas is thanked for defeating Phil and finding the treasure. Also, Thomas thanks Pete for doing a couple things. I like that one of the human owners got spotlight two movies in a row, cuz Billy and pete are both less annoying than the buddies.
“Thw buddies are the real ones to think”
…But as far are as you know, they did nothing. Actually, even in my eyes they did very little. If they weren’t there, both Ubasti and Phil would be stopped anyway!
The buddies thank Babi and Cammy for being ALMOST useless until the end. The buddies hope they meet again but I know they won’t. At least, I hope they won’t.’
So we head back to the museum, as the Egytpian government lets them have a few things from the tomb. Thomas shows off Pete and the buddies as heroes. Again, they did nothing as far as Pete knows.
They present Cleocatra’s necklace.
“I learned something very important. I have the greatest treasure in the world right here”
Lame way to fit in a moral. After Space, they just stopped doing morals except maybe ‘Santa. They were all worse for it.
But there’s still a small bit left. That night, they make sure the necklace is safe by putting lasers around it.. But once they leave, Babi pops up having been hiding.
So he’s gonna take the necklace. …How likable of him.
So now Babi has told his nephews the story of how he meet his mother, er I mean met the buddies. Wait, if this story is being told back in Egypt, how did Babi get back.
Babu admits he enjoyed the story, but says Babi lied about being brave and tells him he’s gonna go think about getting into a better career.
Wow, even the nephew thinks Babi is a dick.
“Babi really meet treasure buddies!”
Babi takes out the necklace to prove his sotry is true. Oh look he stole a priceless artifact from a museum. Isn’t he so quirky?!
And, I shit you not, they do an iris in. As if to say “AIN’T HE A STINKER”. Well, that was the end at least. Thank god.
Once again, I don’t need to say much else. It sucked like most of the rest. However, isn’t AS bad as say Space Buddies or Santa Buddies. It’s more on the same level as Snow Buddies, with the ups being a bit better but the downs being quite bad.
First off, the plot is very scatter brianed. Sometimes they stay focused on the treasure aspect and it’s kind of okay. At times the treasure aspect leads to almost amusing scenes that come close to working.
But sadly, they spice it up with pointless subplots and annoying characters. Babi flat out sucked, as he was an unlikable douche who does nothing but get everyone into trouble.
He has a racist accent to boot, and the whole Stereotypical feel hurts the film as well. Camy sucks even more with her awful acting. Plus, her wole plot could have been cut all together.
Also, what was the point of Farah? She did NOTHING in the end! Same goes for other minor plot points invoking Babi. The new animal characters and non villain human guys drag it down to being so annoying.
Admittedly, the villains aren’t too bad. Cliche, and I hated the “anti cat” thing but Cleo can be a bit fun and the same goes for Phil. They help the movie a tad in places.
The buddies still suck, and at times they can really got on my nerves. The somewhat racist scenes with them hurt the movie a lot and I see why some hate it so much. But at the same time, minor bits make it kind of interesting.
It’s very cliché with how the villain works and stuff like that. But the adventure aspects leads to a bit of okay scenes that are tolerable. Sadly, it has nothing fully “decent enough” like spooky buddies.
But at least they had small fun at times. Sadly, the movie still sucks as whole due to bad jokes. They don’t drag it down with awful normal cliches, just bad racist and adventure cliches.
At it’s best, it’s more boring than awful. But at it’s worst, it’s painful and lame. I don’t hate it like some of the others, but it’s still a step sideways. Not up or down…just in the exact same direction.
In other words, it was lame.
ONLY ONE MORE TO GO! But we’re not doing that buddies super movie. No, we’ll do a different superhero movie. A slightly…and I do mean slightly, better one.