Hello, Spongey here.
Well, guys it’s time. It’s finally to end my Paranormal Activity reviews…until the next movie comes out.
Let me get you up to speed. Last year, my main review for October, which started the month, was of the ever popular Paranormal Activity. Ah yes, one of my few horror reviews. As you all remember, I found PA to be average.
If you like everyone else found it to be terrifying, fine. I just don’t mind a lazy demon closing a door on the dull Katie and the douchebag known as Micah, to be very scary. It tried and it had a good ending, but it was just okay.
Later that I month, I reviewed the sequel, which was an improvement with more likable characters, but it ended up being even more boring in places, even if the last 20 or so minutes were well done. Also the dad thought putting the demon inside his wife’s sister would solve everything. What.
Then earlier this year, I finally looked at the third one…which I actually liked. None of the characters pissed me off, and the directing was very strong with suspense scenes and some good acting. The ending was fun even if it made no sense to some.
Here’s a quick story recap if you need it: Katie and Micah think there’s a demon in their new house, which may have followed Katie from her childhood. The demon posses katie and kills Micah. Two weeks before, the demon was at her sister’s place until they forced it on Katie for some reason.
Back in the 80’s, the demon was an imaginary friend to one of the kids until shit went down. Eventually some weird lady came and took the kids and the dad died. I don’t really know how that connects to the rest of the series but okay. At the end of 2, Demon!Katie killed the sister and the dumbass who thought putting the demon in kate was a good idea.
She took their son hunter, and that’s where we are now. The 4th film in the series, which I am reviewing today starts where that left off. In other words, film 1 is a normal story, 2 is a few weeks earlier but at the end goes AFTER part 1, 3 is a full prequel and 4 is right after 2.
This series is starting to outstay it’s welcome. But if they keep making money, they will keep making ’em. Part 4 is never good and that seems to be the case here as 4 got terrible reviews and not even fans liked it that much.
…Except for Linkara and Doug Walker for some reason. At least the former agrees with me on three. It made less money than the others but it still made enough money for them to green light part 5. …Which is being held off into NEXT October, as it was replaced by a pointless Jackass spin off, and in January of 2014, we will get a weird spinoff called “The marked ones”. The trailer for that starts like Project X, turns into Chronicle and has nothing to do with PA besides the title.
You know your franchise in danger when it keeps getting pushed back in favor of a pointless spin off. Anyway, Part 4 keeps the same two directors from part 3, as well as the writer for the sequels since 2. So this should be good, right?
Well, let’s see if it’s a spooky addition or proof that part 4 is s never good. But I have two notes before we start;
- For 3, I watched it before reviewing it to help my enjoyment. But for whatever reason, the review took longer to review. So i’ll go back to doing 4 as I watch it for the first time. I DID watch the first 20 minutes before I stopped and forgot to go back. So I know how the film starts, if that helps.
- …Yeah, you may remember that doing 3 got me in trouble with the lazy demon. Well, I made a deal with him. If he lets me do this one, I’ll never a found footage movie for at least….awhile.
So without further ado, let’s began.
This, is Paranormal Activity 4
The movie opens with a recap of the events of the last few films. Long story short, Katie and Hunter’s whereabouts remain unknown. With that, we cut to our seemingly unrelated protagonists for the film.
Now, I actually tried to do this review at the start of the month, and I even got ten minutes in. But Open office ended only saving the intro and not my ten minutes, so I said “fuck it” and saved this review for later.
As I result, I’ll end up skimming the first 10 or so minutes. Basically, our hero a teen girl named Alex, and we are join her on Halloween with our camera holder Ben, played by the one guy from True Jackson VP.
They are trick or treating with Alex’s brother, Wyatt. The gang approaches a house that has a scarecrow dude with one of those “Grab one” candy bowls. Wyatt is afraid to to go up to it, so Ben does instead…and it pops up and causes the end of the world-i mean scares him.
This makes Wyatt be annoying to him. Yeah, I heard Ben is…the Micah of this movie. That bit wasn’t too bad, but there is a bit later in the first 20 minutes that is….interesting.
They then notice that they have new neighbors moving in. But they can’t meet them until the plot calls for it. A bit later, they head inside to dig into their candy.
We get an attempt to do what 2 and 3 did, with the whole family-ish dynamic and while it’s not the worst…it mostly certain is no 2/3 in terms of likability. At one point, Ben talks to the cat for no reason, and it’s as dumb as it sounds.
By the way, this is the filmiest reason for the found footage yet. Ben is filming all this because….i don’t know. For now, there is no real reason. Even in the first movie, I could buy Micah just wanted to fuck around.
Then the next day we see Wyatt’s little soccer game, as I popped in a found footage sports movie by mistake. Anyway, I have to say so far, Alex isn’t the typical teen I would expect in a horror movie, as she’s kind of nice (not in my usual way, perv) and not a bitch or anything like that.
I have to give them props for that, at least. Also, at least in this scene the found footage makes scene as Alex is recording the soccer game for later. Some people do that, which makes it the most realistic scene so far.
Then we get some classic PA dicking around. It’s not annoying, or endearing..it’s just there. This continues at home, with most of it centering around Ben being a dumb teen dude. Then later their friends show up to be annoying.
The film wasn’t too annoying until these other teen showed up, just saying. Thankfully, we cut to after the party as a say that. After some banter, and Ben being…kind of a perv, they go out to the backyard where they have a big playhouse castle thingy.
They head inside the castle…thingy, and the new neighbor kid pops up. Yep, he’s totally not evil at all. The kid doesn’t speak (MOST SUBTLE EVIL KID EVER) and Alex takes him home. Ben’s comment?
“Thanks for cock blocking me”
What a dick.
Then we cut to the next day with Ben and Alex, as we find out that creepy kid’s name is Robbie. Also, his mom is single and busy (hopefully not like THAT). So Robbie is lonely a lot. Has this mom never heard of a babysitter?
Also, so far this movie ABUSES the “Cut off in mid sentence” thing. I said this in the PA 3 review, but this is usually done to show that this is not professional edited footage. It’s found footage. Only, it looks so damn professional that it kind of ruins the effect.
Then we cut to the view of a Alex’s webcam, which makes more sense, as she is talking with Ben. Ben is asking for asks for a “Quick boobie” Why is she with this dumbass?
Some Ben’s lines attempt to “Clever” or something, and the performance is meant to help but he only comes across as annoying. Especially when the subject moves to his Grandpa being a farter. ???
Suddenly, they hear some noise coming from Robbie’s house. Then we cut to the next day as Robbie is at their house, saying Hi to Wyatt.
As it turns out, his mom is going to be in the hospital for awhile, due to good ol’ Plot Convenience Disease. So he will be stay at Alex’s house….because…i don’t know.
They say he has no relatives to stay with but they put him in the hands of a family that he met all of ONCE? It’s….pretty contrived.
“We don’t even know them”
Alex hangs with Robbie, and he brought his own, expensive fork. Like I said, MOST SUBTLE KID EVER. I mean, I don’t get why Doug and at least one other guy said he doesn’t go too over the top.
He’s not like TOO bad, but when I see him, I see a weird kid who will be evil somehow. Not some kid who MAY be evil. It’s not exactly subtle at all.
But enough of that, it’s for some forced exposition as Alex talks to Ben is webcam again and says her parents are sometimes at end but pretended everything is okay. We didn’t see any evidence of this but if Alex says so, it is so.
“I can’t even remember the last time they kissed”
Okay, this is potential interested. Not the most original plot point, but if they tie it into the scares, this could work really well. Then Alex hears something, and goes to check it out.
Only we are left at Webcam and point and we….see nothing happening for at least half a minute. The movie hasn’t been boring until now. Well, it is a PA movie, I can’t be too shocked.
…And then Alex comes back in a jump scare. BOOOO, THAT SUCKED! BOOOO!
She tells us that they found Robbie staring at the open kitchen door. Obviously, he knows he’s in a PA movie and he waiting for the demon to move the door. I think it makes perfect sense!
Then we randomly cut to the next day. Christ, I just got off this kind of crap, can we calm down? Ben is talking to Alex is he showing her some of his webcam footage.
“You recorded our video chats?”
Don’t most recording software save that kind of stuff? It’s not creepy, it’s normal.
“And you recorded me sleeping?!”
…Say what now? ….Yeah, his webcam record her sleeping. The only this would be possible is if she left her computer on. …So, it’s really her fault.
Either way, Ben is now even more of a perv. The smeghead of Cinematic Excrement fame even calls him “Pervy McCreeperson” thanks to this event. Ben is the new Micah. It’s official.
But as it turns out, this was just a really contrived way to see what happened in a potential land of nothing segment. Robbie went into her room…and then slept next to her.
Okay, Ben is now out creeped. Ben agrees (hypocrite if you ask me) so there’s that. So this scene is kind of serious…until Ben says Alex farts in her sleep. Okay, Ben IS the new Micah. I can’t wait for the demon to kill you.
So later they tell Mom about this, and she thinks it’s kind of normal. After all, Robbie is clearly freaked about his Mom being taken away and is doing the “sleeping in older figure”s room ‘ thing. If he went in Mom’s room, I’d agree but this is Alex, which makes less sense.
So the subject is dropped and Alex goes up the tree house castle thing and finds Wyatt and Robbie. Robbie has an imaginary friend. Gee, this is so not a re-hash of the 3rd movie. Nope. But thankfully, Robbie is self aware and knows when Alex is only pretending to say hi to his “friend”
We cut to later, as Ben finds Wyatt playing some Kinnect. PRODUCT PLACEMENT!111. Also, the imaginary friend is named Tobey. Again, VERY SUBTLE.
This product placement goes even further when Ben mentions that when the lights are off, the Kinnect can project tracking dots, which we see all over the place through the camera. Well, it looks like this film be the “fan cam” for this movie.
We cut to later as they look at the footage of that last bit. We’re about 20 minutes in, and we haven’t had one land of nothing segment or super scary moment. At least it’s not too boring, but it’s also not interesting.
Well, they do see some…weird thing moving on one shot. That’s neat but they stop talking about it a second later. Then Alex brings Wyatt and Robbie over and shows them…a classic screamer video.
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
The kids aren’t too horrified, but they are unhappy and they walk away. Then the kids don’t respond when she calls for them, and she walks around the house trying to find them. The first attempt at a scary, even though I already know what will happen.
As I predicted, there’s a false when the Mom shows up. …And it seems like that whole scaring kids thing is forgotten, as we move on. I thought that the kids pop up of a cloest to scare Alex as revenge or something.
Well, anyway it’s FINALLY time for….the land of nothing! YAAAAAAAAAY! …
Only it’s not nothing, as Alex is walking around as she heard a nose. That’s another thing I’e noticed so far. They are SKIPPNNG a lot of the scenes they would usually show. It gets to the point. I suppose I could praise the film for this, but…I’m not sure. We’ll see how it goes.
Alex finds Robbie standing in the room, being obviously creepy., They then hear boom noise…and we cut to later. It seems like the pacing is trying to be tighter….but too bad nothing about the plot is fresh or new.
Anyway, Alex and Ben are watching the footage, wondering what is going on. She shows it to Dad, who …thinks it’s all special effects trickery. He laughs and walks away..3 gave me a adult male to like….but thakfully 4 brings back the crappy men i’m used to in these films.
Ben finally notices Robbie may be the cause of this creepy shit somehow. …Then he goes BUM BUM BUUUM while doing a close up on her face.
…Okay, that was pretty funny…until he does it two more times. Even in Horor movies, they can ruin good jokes.
So we cut to later with another Alex/Ben video chat. Ben’s voice starts breaking up somehow, and he gets silent. Alex starts to fear the worst…until we get a JUMP SCARE with Ben appearing behind her and pulling her off the bed. Okay, the first few film’/s had their jump-y moments but this is becoming a jump scare fest.
Also, Ben is a DICK. I get what they were going for, but christ! Thankfully, Alex is pissed.
“It was a joke!”
“It wasn’t funny”
Thank you! Alex is actually kind of likable so far, even if she has little personality. So anyway, they then start to talk about the supernatural force that may going on. Jumping to conclusion, but in this series, we may as well jump in to it.
So they decide to use Ben’s webcam recording tech on Wyatt’s computer to record what goes on in their room. At least the webcam thing is a clever way to record the footage. They also do it in the living room.
“The hunt is on”
So at the 30 minute mark, we get out first real land of nothing segment. Robbie goes downstairs again., with Ryatt this time, and stumbles around. They then start chasing each other, which wakes up mom…even though it wasn’t that loud.
But she gets them back to sleep I guess, and nothing happens. Well, that was a step down from even the first LON segment in 3. Alex and Ben are about to watch the footage. Can we please get scenes of them interacting without being at the damn computer?
Or bits with the parents, since they have done very little so far? The focus has been on the teens, which is refreshing….also obviously trying to get the teen demo. Cuz that’s what this series needs!
We cut to a bit later, as everyone has left and we peek around the house. Then Alex comes home from school. Then she walks around and nothing happens. The most boring scene is outside of a land of nothing bit. Whatever.
But Alex, while in her room starts hearing noises and goes out to see what it is. After heairng a boom sound, she finds Robbie in his room. See, when she got home she found no one there, so him having been thre htiswhole time is odd for her.
Robbie doesn’t answer her questions, and Dad comes home. We find out the boom came from a falling chandelier. At least the demon goes something that could hurt something. Hell, it’s a step above closing doors.
Mom shows up too and Alex gives her theory: Robbie brought “something/” into the house and this was no accident. She has a bit more footing than in some other movies, so I can’t call bullshit here.
Then, while Dad cleans stuff up…we abruptly cut mid sentence to the land of nothing. Oh come on, now you’re just turning the mid sentence gimmick into a poor victim of bad editing!
We simply see the hose at night, and Alex sleeping. Then….something pops out from the side. A…
Wait….FUCKING REALLY?! It’s not put after huge build up, but you finally for the most tired horror gimmick ever?! Wasn’t this series praised for having really tense, smart scares? Well, this entry seems to be a big fuck you to that concept!
Alex can’t get to sleep, so she takes the camera and puts back in POV mode. She heard cars at Robbie’s house, so she will check it out. She walks outside in the creepy night and….a woman gives us a JUMP SCARE!
Christ, I’m missing the door moving at this point. At there we know a real demon is scaring us!
And…then it cuts to Alex’s house in the morning like nothing happened. Wait, who was that? That woman simply popped and say “Can I help you?”. Then Alex screamed and we cut to the next day. What happened?!
…Well let’s see what is going on at home. Robbie is riding around in his badass baby bike thingy and…a chair moves by itself to block his way. …And he just goes around it, like it’s a normal occurrence.
That’s hilarious. A chair moves by itself, and his only thought is “Gee okay, I’ll go the long way”.
So after that, we cut to later as Alex is at home with Ben. It seems like Alex just ran home after seeing the woman, instead of staying to…you know ask questions or simply explain why you are over there.
Before they can go deeper, they hear Robbie and Wyatt screwing around upstairs. They head up and find that Robbie…has painted a weird symbol on Wyatt’s bare back. Um, this seems less a demon kid and more like a kid who will grow up to be banned from the playground.
Wyatt says he drew it so he could see…him. Not Robbie, but a different him. Ben asks who “him” is.
“He doesn’t like you”
Join the club, demon. We have jackets!
Then we cut to the land of nothing. I’m glad we’re back to the series tradition of cutting to this place when it doesn’t want to develop a plot point further.
Robbie goes downstairs and simply says “They’re all sleeping. I’m sure”. He then keeps whispering to some unseen force. This almost creepy scene is stopped when we join Alex the next day.
She sees Wyatt and Robbie hanging out. Alex saw the footage…well, I think so. She asks why he got up, so I assume she did. See what I mean about this movie skipping the scenes we always see first?
Robbie is silent, and Alex is not happy. Then we cut ot her and Ben looking at some footage. One clip shows the same symbol from Wyatt’s back on the tree house thing. You know it as the same symbol that has been showing up in these movies.
They google it and find out it’s some ancient symbol of fertility. They just found out about demon stuff and how they want virgins or something. I don’t know, I can’t quite follow this, they mostly just say we kind of know about the demons already.
Also, Ben says he isn’t a virgin, and he has banged 4 chicks. I’m the pope.
Then we just cut to the mom recording her self cooking while watching a cooking show. I guess she just felt like recording this cuz…this movie doesn’t care about natural found found footage. Mom gets distracted when Wyatt bugs her about something he lost, but wait he found it right after. I know that feel, bro.
The Mom returns to her cutting board…but finds that her knife is missing. DUN DUN DUN! So the demon has now…made a knife fly up. Well, it’s another step above moving doors but come on.
Sigh…You know, I bitch about PA’s boring-ness, but I feel 3 struck a good balance of slow burning suspense, plot, and sheer enjoyment. This tries that…but without the slow burning, the horror, or the entertainment. Well, it’s a bit more enjoyable than The Asylum’s take.
With that, we get Night #8, which takes place on November 13th, 2011. Which sets this movie around the premiere of Jack and Jill. Now THAT is a horror movie.
Alex gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the living room, but something zooms past the camera. It’s just a book falling. Okay, that’s almost as lazy as the door thing. This guy can do so much worse, so by movie 4, you’d think we would skip all that crap!
Seriously, this not even escalation. It’s the same level as the other films, only a kid is in here doing it too. This movie should be called “Fairly normal Activity” at this point. So anyway, Alex puts the book and goes back to sleep. SUSPENSE!
The next day, Wyatt and Robbie head out which is somehow not good, and Alex goes out too…while still holding the camera for some reason. A car almost hits her before it stops. Gee, maybe if you PUT DOWN THED DAMN CAMERA you would be safer!
Turns out, the kids are heading to Robbie’s house. Alex arrives and knocks on the door. No one answers for a solid minute so she just invites herself in. The place seems empty, and not even the 2 kids can be heard.
She stumbles around, and everything is silent…until she hears screaming. She finally founds the boy this way and…they are just goofing around. Sigh, one of the few ‘suspense” driven bits was ruined.
Alex scolds the kids for running over here, and is about to take them home. But she bumps into the woman from earlier…who didn’t hear Alex clearly come in, somehow.
This is actually Robbie’s Mom, who has come home….without calling or anything. She’s just…there, WAIT IS THAT…
HOLY SHIT IT’S KATIE!
Alex obviously doesn’t know her, but it’s her! I can see it clearly, and Wikpedia backs me up here. Katie has finally shown in a big 60 minute mark twist!
….Which makes no sense in the slightest. Let me get this straight: Katie left with hunter….then randomly popped up with another kid and she somehow got sick and then came back without telling anyone, and didn’t react to seeing Robbie with another kid and simply had Robbie come back, and Alex didn’t react or ask questi-
…Wow, that twist was so mind bogging, my brain exploded for a minute! I mean…how can you write a twist THAT dumb and think it makes sense! Even the worst M night twists some something that could make you think the writer knew what they were doing!
This? Not so much. It turns the plot into a MESS that barley connects with the other movies! It’s…one of the dumbest things i’ve seen all month! And I saw Spooky budddies!
I mean, Alex could at least ask questions. She later tells Mom about this and mention that Robbie’s Mom didn’t look sick at all. Mom doesn’t buy that she was never sick. Also, whoever edited this footage is really good, as it shows a view of the ceiling bound knife on the side while we also see Alex talking.
Also, I wonder if the knife is important. I mean, that shot was SO ambiguous!
Oh, and it turns out Katie DID call Alex’s Mom and she just missed the call. Alex asks how Robbie knew that it was okay to go home. My question is, why didn’t “Robbie’s Mom” simply come get him herself? I mean, she is till demon possessed right? You’d think she would be hard to keep her kid away from.
Mom doesn’t even seem to care too much about Robbie going home, and is un-ceremonious about it. Then it cuts in mid sentence and we move to the land of nothing. With the amount of mid sentence cuts…I think it’s not on purpose. I think this movie was edited by a 10 year old.
The dad, who suddenly exists again , is in the kitchen after he woke up in the middle of the night. He notices that a laptop in there is on, and finds it odd. Yeah, they have a Macbook for every room in the house. Not even the biggest apple fans wouldn’t waste money like that.
He turns it off, and leaves but it turns back on somehow and he finds this very odd. He gives up trying and wakes away…..then the knife from earlier falls back down, and it doesn’t come close to hitting him.
Okay, people like Doug Walker pointed this out but…man, what a missed opportunity. They could have held on that knife, making it very tense, and have it finally fall during the big demon moment. THAT would have been awesome.
But instead, it falls like 10 minutes later and doesn’t even come close to hurting anyone. Why did the demon do that if he wasn’t gonna DO anything?!
Mom pops up, having been woken up by the sound, and Dad tries to explain what happened. But she just asks him to go back to bed, and walks away. Wow, she won’t even listen to him at all. And I thought Julie in part 3 was a bitch.
So we cut to the next day as Alex asks Wyatt why he went to Robbie’s house in the first place. He sees he wanted to meet Robbie’s Mom.
“She said I’m friends with Robbie cuz we are both adopted”
Oh, Wyatt is adopted. That was established really well, as you can see. Wait, Robbie is adopted? Twist!….So Katie adopted a kid? Where did hunter go? Why does she want Robbie? This raises even MORE questions!
Then this movie’s piss poor editing brings us to the land of nothing. We see Wyatt’s room at night…as the door opens by itself. FINALLY! It took the demon 65 minutes to even do his trademark!
Wyatt gets up and goes to the living room. He starts talking to that unseen force again.
“IT’S NOT! My name’s Wyatt. It’s not hunter! My name is not hunter!”
Then we randomly cut to late-WAIT WHAT. …The demon is telling him he is hunter…and all sources this scene is saying…that Wyatt is hunter.
…THAT. MAKES. NO SENSE!
I’m sure they may go more into this in a bit, but now, I don’t get it! I mean, Wyatt is adopted…so that means Katie put him up for adoption for no reason, got a new kid, moved closer to Hunter and also adopted another kid, got sick somehow, then came home and didn’t get hunt-
MY BRAIN. IT EXISTS AND IT HURTS. Nothing about this makes any damn sense at all! Why would Katie give hunter up for any reason? The demon has no reason to leave her and even if she somehow took control long enough to put hunter up for adoption, she couldn’t do that without legal standing OR the demon coming back to kill her or anything!
…Okay, let’s calm down, move on, and see if they explain it more.
We see Wyatt watchng something on his laptop…and I hear Spongebob. I clearly hear Spongebob, patick and Squidward there. It’s freaking Spongebob playing. It even goes on for a half minute as he brings the laptop into the bathroom while he takes his bath.
The hell? What’s with the extend Spongebob plug? It’s like Paramount, one of Nick’s backing studios, owns this movie-oh, they do? Well, that explains it.
Anyway, Wyatt just hangs around in the bath. Why do they feel the need to have the webcam in this moment? It’s…kind of weird. He just kind of sits there for a minute and it’s pretty boring. …Until something pull Wyatt down.
And he stays down a bit. This is one few almost scary bits in the whole movie so far. It’s actually kind of supsenful, and leave you wondering what is going on. And when it goes up, it’d at a good time. Not too soon, not too late.
He looks fine, and Mom comes in to get him. Then we move to the land of nothing. Well, that was pointless in the end. Dad and Mom are hanging out and Dad is talking about how Alex is out like a light for once.
Mom reveals she got Alex a sleeping pill. I didn’t even consider this a bit deal until they got into a tiff about while Wyatt is being creepy.
“You gave her a drug without telling me about it?”!
This is the first time characters have done something interesting since the start…and it’s over something so small, it may as well be pointless!
Wyatt goes into Alex’s room…and starts levitating her. Whoa. That’s neat but we cut to the next morning. Why he did he do that? No idea. The demon’s agenda is fucked up in this installment.
Alex wakes up and finds the word HUNTER written on her wall. Wyat pops up and she asks what him what that means.
“It’s my name”
Dun dun dun!
She goes on her computer to check the footage, but she can’t open the file. At least things are getting bigger, but even part 1 got me more…interested by that point.
…And it’s land of nothing time. Okay, this point the movie just doesn’t want to be coherent or even wait for some parts to sink in. Again, why did only part 3 get the pacing mostly right for most of it’s running time?
Well, it’s not full land of nothing, as we get Alex talking to Ben via webcam again. Oh hey, ben is back. I didn’t miss him at all. Alex said she asked her parents about Wyatt’s birth parents, but they got made at alex for asking. Why?
I’m sure the reason is spooky and that the parents know about the Katie connection but if that isn’t the case, they are being dicks to Alex, who was just wondering. So Ales wanders downstairs, while still holding the laptop to chat with Ben.
Then she hears the garage door opening by itself. Oh shit, Toby moved from normal doors to GARAGE DOORS. My little demon is growing up!
She goes in the garage and sees the big door is now kind of stuck.
“I hate this fucking house”
All horror movies need pointless fucking swearing it seems.
Then the garage door fully closes by itself. Loud noises happen that don’t wake anyone up (?) and we see Wyatt hide in his closet. Then…Katie pops in the house and walks into his rroom. Oh shit, this may actually get interesting!
“Hunter? It’s your Aunt katie”
So now we know for 100 percent fact that this is Katie and Wyatt is hunter. I was about to question why Wyatt aged so fast….but I remember 2 is set in 2006, and this is 2011. He is an infant in 2, which makes about 5 or so here. Which he looks…so it makes perfect sense.
Katie says she’ll be there until Hunter is ready to come out. Okay, is the demon inside her? Cuz if so…uh, TAKE HIM BY FORCE. If not, HE’S IN DANGER GET HIM OUT NOW.
At the same time, loud shit happens in the garage and Alex is scared. The car turned on by itself and started spewing carbon monoxide exhaust. Alex breaks into the car to stop it and crashes it through the garage door.
And we abruptly to her explaining this all to her parents. We see Alex in hysterics about how damn scary that was, but they don’t belive her. They seem to think she’s crazy.
“I’m not crazy!”
Cut to Alex on her laptop with Ben on wecam..
“They think i’m crazy”
Gilligan cut ftw!
Wait…she was close to crying and was clearly honestly shaking about all this, and she has no record of acting out or anything….yet they still think she’s crazy.. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah,,it’s not easy to buy but look at her! You don’t even think for a sec it might be true?! Screw you!
Then we cut to later as Mom is home by herself. Why have big moments like that sink in when we can just move to the next plot point? We’re only on minute 82 of 96 or so counting credits!
While she is on the phone, Katie pops up in the living room. I guess she took telporting lessons from Jason in Friday the 13th part 8. So Katie goes upstairs Mom moves back to the livng room.
…Then she is picked up and thrown to the ceiling by some force. Whoa, finally some real demon action that has nothing to do with the katie shit! Sadly, it’s not scary….but actually kind of cartoon-ish.
We even get an obvious sound effect when she hits the floor. Well, it’s funnier than the entirety of 30 nights of bullshit. So anyway, having found Hunter’s room empty, Katie walks back downstairs.
You’d think she could sense that somewhere else, and she could find him. Whatever. Katie drags Mom’s body away, and we cut to later. Ben arrives and finds no one home. Ben just kind of fucks around and goes up to Alex’s room. God knows what he plans to do.
Thankfully, those plans never come to pass, because pops up behind him and snaps his neck. YAAAAAAY! Ding dong, the perv is dead!
It wasn’t as epic as Micah’s death but I don’t care! So anyway, Katie stashes his body in the closet. We then cut to Alex in Dad’s car…with a camera cuz this movie gave up having logic long ago.
They see weird stuff at the house when they drive up there. They think they see the kids over at Robbie’s house, and Alex goes into her house and heads up to her room. She calls Ben cuz that should be your top priority, but of course hears the ring in the closet.
She figures Ben is in there being a dumbass, but of course she finds his dead body. Then that dang force starts to drag her out of the room. But she escapes and runs towards Robbie’s house…while still holding the damn camera.
I give up. No matter what, a PA character will hold on to the camera even when they should put it down. I should just accept it. …So, She sees her dad being dragged around by the unseen entity.
At least we have our big “last 20 minutes full of stuff happening” part. But…even that is weirdly lackluster. It’s as big and cool as the other movies, but it’s not as scary or fun. All 3 had awesome last 10/20 minutes yet here….it’s kind of cool but it lacks…something. I’m not sure what it is…
So as she explores Robbie’s house she finds a room with spanish newspapers on the window. Not sure what that means. She hears Wyatt crying for help and she goes to find him but bumps into Katie.
“Please don’t hurt me”
She doesn’t comply and unleashes her demon face. Finally, the demon is clearly inside her and doing damage! But she isn’t fast enough as a teenage girl is able to escape the house with ease.
She find Wyatt outside, standing still. Wyatt just stands there, not reacting to Alex’s pleas. …Then she looks up to a see a shit ton of women packed in front of her.
How they all got popped up here without anyone noticing is anyone’s guess. They go demon face and Alex runs only to bump into Demon face Kattie!
Holy shit, what’s gonna happen? Why is the demon going stuff now? Who are these ladies? Where is Robbie? Why is Wyatt doing nothing? Well, let’s.
….Huh? They roll the credits?! …That’s the end?! We learn NOTHING about what is going and we get no answers…just more questions!?!
So this was….um….not very good. I honestly don’t know how to grade/judge this one. It’s….not all that good, yet also not that bad. However…so much FAILS that it approaches bad-ness, even more than Paranormal Entity!
But before we get my real rant, let’s look at it on it’s own. The characters are not al that engaging. Ben is an unfunny, unlikable dick. He’s not as annoying as Micah but at the same time Ben is more pointless. Though at least he doesn’t get much screen time.
The parents are just there and they don’t add anything, and they even prove to be the worst PA parents ever.. . Wyatt is…okay, I guess. He has no personality outside of being a kid and he just serves as a tool for Robbie to play with. Him being hunter doesn’t fix that….actually, it makes more problems.
Robbie is a mixed bag. I feel he wasn’t hammy or OVER THE TOP evil in his acting. Infact, he’s a very talented kid and he knows how to sell some lines better than most adult actors these days. However, the writing and to an extent atmosphere makes it so OBVIOUS that you wonder why only Alex and Ben notice.
Alex is the most likable character, and her actress does a decent job at not making her a typical teen or even a typical horror movie teen. But she also likes a full personality. She is likable, but nut interesting.
As a horror film on it’s own, it’s kind of weak. It fails to really generate suspense in the first act even though we do have land of nothing type segments. It seems like they want to skip the boring parts I hate but they also don’t let a lot of moments sink in. I rarely mention editing as I feel it’s a bit nitpick-y, this has some of the lamest editing i’ve seen in awhile.
The editor or whoever is doing this, just doesn’t’ care about us getting investing in anything and keeps moving on to the next thing. Yet to so little is accomplished that it makes no sense. When things up near the end it gets better but it also gives us new twists that make no sense.
The movie’s real failing though…is as a sequel. At no point do the writers even try to make this a good sequel. NOTHING happens or is found out I didn’t already know from the previous films. They do new tricks but the result isn’t fresh or groundbreaking for this series.
They don’t escalate from the previous films, at least in the actions. They add in a kid but in the end the same kind of things happen, and the result is not interesting. A lot it feels distant from the previous films, and no part of the story we know is expanded on at all.
The connect stuff makes no sense. How katie and hunter figure into this makes NO SENSE and in the end they don’t even TRY to explain it! Like I said, the twist is so mind boggling that I have no idea how the same writer or 3 found it good!
Trying to connect this to the other films is an impossible task, and I hate how they though that was in any way a good sequel. But you know….it’s not awful or even too bad on it’s own. A s a sequel, it’s more mind boggling than ruining.
While watching it, I wanted to praise it for some entertainment level and not being too boring, and how it can be seen as watchable. I also wanted to defend statements from reviewers like spill.com that it’s the same old shit and not knew. (They gave it “Fuck you” for god’s sake.)
But the more I think about it, and the more I type…the weaker it gets. While watching it was better than it was when I think about it. My mind is emphasis the bad parts and doesn’t’ latch onto any good parts. There are good aspects….but nothing substantially good enough to be worth it.
Even part 1 has things I can latch on to, at least. I remember most of the good parts. The parts that stick out to me the most in this one….are the bad/weak parts. The good parts aren’t good so much as….okay or forgivable.
The more I think, the worst it gets. Overall, it tries to be quicker or faster paced but unlike 3, it never struck a balance. It’s not too bad, nor is it dogshit or the biggest waste of time. But it’s also too incomplete to really give me anything, as a reviewer.
The fact that it insults continuity so much pretty much shows how much they cared. They did try in other parts, but as a whole…it’s meh. That’s it. Just an empty….mediroce experinece.
What it deserves: D-
What I Give it: 5/10
Man, I ended up being kind of harsh. Well, there you go. As much as a bitch about the first 2, they did have enough efffort in hindsight.
So this series is over for another year. As a whole, this series has it’s ups and downs but it has a grasp on what is interesting and scary. It has a fine story that keeps me guessing, but it often veers into stolidity. Part 4 proves it.
Needless to say, the upcoming spin off looks weak and stale. Well anyway, we’re almost done with october reviews. Next time, on the very day before Halloween, I close out my Halloween reviews.
I finally finished up a series i’ve been working on over here for awhile. So you know what? For Halloween, let’s finish off another series I started….and must finish.
You may already know what it is…but I won’t say it to pretend to be mysterious. Also, the demon was pleased with my review because I bashed a movie that made him look dumb again. So he’ll let me off Scott free.
See ya, but beware….you’re in for….well not a scare….but scary type stuff!