Paranormal Entity

How do you make a low budget, boring knock off of an already low budget boring movie? The Asylum found a way!

How do you make a low budget, boring knock off of an already low budget boring movie? The Asylum found a way!

Hello, Spongey here.

I think it’s finally time we look at a film by the Asylum. Oh, I talked about Sharknado earlier this month, but I wanted to do one of their ripoff films.

Now, we’re all familiar with the Asylum. The company known for making low budget mockbusters of popular films. For Trasnformers, they made Transmorphers. For Snakes on a plan, they made Snakes on a train. And so on.

And with the sudden popularity of Paranormal Activity, they had to cash in with this movie. The director, Shane Van Dyke, has actually written quite a few Aslyum movies, which shouldn’t shock you  as they like to use the same directors a lot.

But here’s a weird fact: Shane went on to be a writer on an actual movie: Chernobyl Diaries. The other writer on that movie? Oren Peli….the director of Paranormal Activity.

That…is hilarious.

But anyway, I don’t have much to introduce. Asylum films have been known to be either hilariously bad…or just really boring. But when you are a ripping off an already boring movie, how can you get any worse?

But here’s a better question: How do you make a low budget version of an ALREADY LOW BUDGET MOVIE?!

Let’s wrap up this short introduction and dive right in.

This, is Paranormal Entity

The movie opens with a 911 call from Thomas Finley, blubbering about how his sister is dead. Then we go back to earlier, as we get to our found footage.

And right off the bat, you know exactly what this is ripping off. Our camera holder is Thomas, who is with his mom and sister, Samantha. Thomas is pretty much Micah with how he makes dumb comments to them.

And much like the original film, we do get dumb small talk. They even mention that a psychic dude wanted them to put cameras around the house to find supernatural activity. This is my first mockbuster and…wow, it’s REALLY blatant in how much it’s ripping off PA.

That we abruptly get a wall of text telling us that Thomas was arrested for the rape and murder of his 15 year old sister here. …the rape was a bit extreme, movie. Couldn’t have killed her with a Shakrnado?

Thomas was put in jail, but he claimed the victims were attacked by a demon. Then he killed himself while in prison. This message could have better at the very start, guys.

They also say the following footage was found one year later. I don’t remember, do any of these movies flat say this is footage they found? I think some of the PA sequels, but i’n not sure about the first one.

We start up again with Thomas introducing himself to the camera. He wanders around and finds his Mom just sitting there on her bed….but that’s weirdly unimportant.

Now, it’s time to get into the real thing we know PA for…THE LAND OF NOTHING! Yay! And it follows the rules perfectly as, you guessed it, nothing really happens. Oh, a phone rings and the voice mail takes it.

EXCITMENT!

We the cut to the next morning, as Thomas acts like a douche. At least it’s faithful to the original. Though I admit the banter about vomit foot or whatever, is kind of amusing. Also, Thomas announces he’s now unemployed which doesn’t surprise anybody.

Mom tells him to “turn the damn camera off”. If someone did that in the original, it would have been a lot better.

Anyway, it’s forced exposition time with Mom and Sam. Mom later tells us that Dad was killed in a car accident. A couple of months ago…Mom started talking to him. Pretendeding he could talk to her.

…Okay, that’s not from PA. But it doesn’t make it anymore interesting.

She then goes on to say someone told her you could talk to the dead by writing to him. She tried it And while she wrote, she felt like she was really talking to him. So every night, she would write to him. I admit, that’s kind of different and cool. But it’s an Asulum movie, so that cool-ness won’t last long.

Anyway, then weird things started happening to Sam. But she thinks it’s not David. Okay, they came up with a different reason for why this would be happening. And it’s not bad. But do you really care?

And with that awkward moment, we move to later as they hear something in the kitchen. They run in and fin a broken glass….and we cut to later that night. What was the point of that bit?

…Then we move to the land of nothing. And I thought the original film had awkward pacing at times. And guess what? Nothing happens…until the TV turns of by itself. This movie is completely unfaithful to the original…not a single door has opened or closed yet!

Then nothing happens again .Then we hear rumbling and some objects crashing. Then it cuts to the next day. I was ready to admit some of the atmosphere is okay until it just stopped. I mean, more happens than just doors closing but at least the stuff surround PA was slightly interesting.

Anyway, Thomas talks to Sam and she says she found a cross on the floor. Then we cut to later as the Mom is there and Thomas thinks the cross fell off the wall by itself and it wasn’t a demon.

Then this leads to annoying arguing. Man, at least Katie provided a likable person when /Micah wasn’t being a dick. We have three people who aren’t really interesting as characters. I know this is still an Aslum movie, but come on guys.

By the way. I’m watching this on the Chiller network or whatever, and they do that annoying thing where they take out the F bombs. They don’t beep them, they just edit them out. So it’s like they are saying “Shut the… up”. No sin on the movie’s part, I just hate it when they do that.

Then Thomas gets phone call and Mom storms out. Then Sam leaves. If you were wondering what that argument was about, Thomas doesn’t even consider their demon theory, as hasty as it is. He’s just like, “shut up sam” and Mom thinks Thomas is accusing her of lying about the cross fell a few feet away.

So two of them jump to conclusions, and the other is an asshole. Yay.

A bit later, Thomas goes to San’s room but she is not there. But he does he find her diary, and like a jackass, he reads it. He sees an entry that talks about how the cross fell off and how Thomas doesn’t but it, and she’s scared of the demon guy.

This movie is about 90 minutes, so I’;m kind of surprised it gets started with the demon stuff so quickly.

The entry itself is almost kind of spooky until she wrote HELP ME GOD PLEASE in all caps. Then it’s just silly. Thomas doesn’t react but he finds Sam in the bathroom.

He apologizes for everything, but she questions why he is shooting her right now? Oh yeah, let’s take the “WHY DOESNT’ HE PUT THE CAMEREA” down thing even further than the original films.

His excuse is crap, so I can skip it. He tells her might believe her about the demon stuff now. Micah never apologized for anything, yet this guy in the weaker film does. ///Okay.

Cool”

A thank you would be nice, bitch.

Anyway, back to the land of nothing. Mom randomly wakes up and goes to the living room and just…sits there, doing nothing. Then it cuts to the next day. Wow, even PA’s land of nothing segments weren’t that lame.

Anyway, Sam finds writing on the coffee table and thinks Thomas did it. It simply says UC. U C…how lame this movie is?

Mom didn’t do that, nor did Sam. And then it just cuts to later with Mom and Thomas in her room talking. They look at the footage and see Mom setting out of bed. Mom doesn’t remember doing it. Dun dun dun!

She also wrote on the table, but she has no idea what is going on.

What the hell is going on? I’m losing my … mind”

I’m angry. Can’t you tell how totally involved my acting is.

So now Thomas knows something is going on. Then Mom just starts to lay down and it’s just silent and Thomas keeps filming. I don’t know, let’s move on to Sam talking to us for no reason.

She just talks about creepy feelings she has had and all that non-scary stuff. It’s a long and boring attempt at selling the whole “she is stalked by demonlolz” thing. It’s also a forced, random, unnatural way for her to deliver this info.

Basically, some creepy stuff keeps awake at night and yada yada. She also gives us awkward boring pauses…and it cuts to the land of nothing. Yawn.

And guess what? A door opens, we hear heavy breathing, and Sam screaming. Okay, FINALLY a door opens! But…it’s in a non boring way so boo. Also, the camera for some reason isn’t focused on the events so we see just nothing as it goes on, and we have no idea what is going on. Is this good or bad?

Then we cut to the next day as things have settled down, but now they are really worried. Thomas hears some noise while working, so he brings out his trusty camera to check it out. He goes in sam’s room and finds a written note to go with the note on the table.

He puts next to the table note to see if it fits. It does and it says “Maron”. We’ll find out what that means after the very abrupt commercial. TV airings, what a hit or miss way to watch a movie.

Then we just cut to the land of nothing again. This has more abrupt cuts than the original film. At least it’s faithful in that way. They get a call and the answer machine takes it. SUSPENSE!

…Then there is loud noises and Sam screaming. Okay, that isn’t nothing. Should I stop calling it the land of nothing, like I did for PA 3? ….Nah, it’s too great of a bit. Anyway, Thomas gets up and fumbles around.’

He bumps into the girls and they scream a lot,. What happens is kind of hetic but eventually they see footprints to follow. The law states all PA men must be idiots and never listen to reason, so he follows them despite the lades yelling at him not to. Well, he’s a goner.

Oh wait, he’s not cuz the opening spoiled who lives and dies. Great job!

Then there is more loud noises and shaky cam. Now they are just taking the worst tropes of PA and putting it up to 11. Then we abruptly cut to later a 6 am as things have mostly calmed down.

Then we get more stumbling around. It’s slightly less boring than I make it sound, but at least in PA I had Micah to annoy me. But this stumbling goes around for like 3 minutes and no one says or does anything interesting.

We just see more footprints and some trashed objects. But then we see Dad’s ashes have been spilled onto the floor. Okay that’s interesting…and I like the idea of the demon being the dad. But will he a force a blogger to review a bad spy kids sequel? I don’t think so!

Then we just cut to later, as Thomas checks the answering machine like nothing happen. But the message does contain creepy demon noises. I don’t want him to scream like a jackass but I don’t want him just standing there like nothing is going on at all!

Later on, Sam and Mom are sitting there, worried about all of this. Thomas suggests leaving. Holy shit, we’re not even halfway through and he’s suggesting they just get out of the house? FINALLY~!

Why is it that the knockoff just did something smarter than the superior original?!

Mom and Sam don’t know what they could do if they flat out leave. Thomas suggests they go to a motel…and he’ll stay here. I take it back, it’s still stupid. They call him out, but Thomas says the demon isn’t interesting in him, so it won’t touch ihm.

But it will likely go after them cuz they haven’t established that it can’t leave the house. So if the demon can move, they are still fucked.

But anyway, the girls decide to give in and go. But., Mom says if something happens..

I don’t want you to sit here and film it. I want you to leave”

THANK YOU!

You know, this is close to how a PA movie would END and we’re not close to done yet. This is why PA WAITED to do stuff. As boring as it was, it wasn’t rushed to the point of having nothing to do for the rest of the running time.

Anyway , the girls do indeed leave that night. Then much like in the original, our male hero wants to set up a thing to prove the demon is walking around. But instead of white powder stuff, he puts a string thingy with bells.

Cuz demons can’t just jump over that shit.

Then there is more stumbling around and Thomas being silent. I don’t expect him to talk to himself like some people, but he’s by himself with a camera. No one who owns a camera is THAT silent.

We see him lock the doors and check the trap more, cuz that’s what we want to see. Even PA used it’s boring parts to supposedly build suspense, even if it didn’t always work.

But whatever, it’s on to the land of nothing. In the middle of the night, the bells come a-ringing and Thomas goes to check it out. He sees nothing until they start moving in front of them by themselves. Thomas freaks out like a demon has showed it’s screamer face. Thgen he runs into his room, and the door rattles. That demon is just ITCHING to open that door. It’s like a fetish for PA style demons.

Then he hears the phone ring AND HE OPENS THE DOOR. Dude, a phone call is a bit less important than A POSSIBLE DEMON. What the hell?

He checks the machine and it’s Mom. Turns out, “it” followed her. Gee, it’s like I said that before or something! God, this movie is stupid.

He tells her to come home, and he hangs up. He looks around and there doesn’t seem to be a demon around. So what was with it trying to get in the room a minute ago?

But anyway, Sam and Mom show up a bit later. They say the demon was in the bed with them and it attacked Sam. They were sleeping and Mom felt like something was breathing in her ear. She looked over to sam, and it seemed like something was pressing her arm.

It dragged her off the bed. I would have loved to actually see this happen, instead of having it EXPLAINED to us. I know what you don’t see is often scarier, but it only works the way PA does it: Having small things happen, while only hinting at a bigger entity.

You don’t have something almost spooky happen, then just break the “Show, don’t tell rule”. That’s just lazy!

Mom babbles how she couldn’t do anything. I admit, the way she explains it while hugging Sam, is almost a genuinely sweet/scary moment. But I don’t know, the way she is cry-talking kind of makes weird. It’s one of the better scenes so far, but I’m not sure…

Plus, this happened cuz of our hero’s bottomless stupidity. Hard to sympathize with him in this case.

Thomas again is is quiet until he just says it’s gonna be okay, Is Ferb behind thed camera, cuz that’s the only reason he oculd be so silent. I hated Micah cuz he talked to much but I dislike Thomas cuz he is so cold and boring.

In other words, a shout of SHUT UP THOMAS is a case of be careful what you wish for.

Then Thomas leaves the room silently. This may as well be a silent movie at this point. I mean, I suppose it’s more subtle how Thomas doesn’t overact but it’s better than UNDER reacting.. Later that night, Thomas visits Sam in her bedroom for about a second until he just leaves. Pointless?

Then it’s land of nothing time again! Her blanket falls off by itself, revealing her bra/panty clad body. Um, I’m kind of scared, but not for the right reason. Then we just cut to Thomas again as he looks in Sam’s room to find her missing.

Then guess what? He stumbles around and says nothing. I’m sounding repetitive but that’s only because the MOVIE is. He looks around for what seems like hours until he looks in the attic.

He stumbles in the attic (“GET ON WITH IT!”) and finds Sam standing up in her undressed state. He approaches her and her she stars at him coldly. Then she suddenly starts paying attention to him.

I like it up here”

This is creepy in concept, but just kind of boring in execution. So after he gets her back in bed, Thomas calls the previous owners of his house. He bluntly asks if anyone named Maron died in the house. That would have been nice to investigative EARLIR, dumbass.

Naturally, they say no. Then he hangs up. I can only imagine how weird it Is to have owner of the house you moved out of ask such a weird question. I would call him insane myself.

Suddenly, Thomas hears Sam screaming. He runs upstairs and finds her in ther bathtub. Sorry Pervs, but this found footage has pixelated her boobs. She keeps screaming until Thomas eventually gets her to calm down.

Then we cut to later as Mom tells someone on the phone that she is in bed, and this has never happened before. So why was she even screaming? Did a demon try to rape her or something?

After that, Thomas finds Sam in bed sleeping…with various marks all over her body. So…the demon did try to rape her? Cuz that’s what its starting to seem like.

Then Thomas hears Mom crying and he finds her on the floor. She cries, saying “It’s gonna kill her”. Man, this movie is getting redundant. We get it, the demon is bad and she might die. Can we move on?!

Then we get the land of nothing again. Mom wakes up in the middle of the night and goes downstairs…then goes back to her room.. Before I can call this pointless, the door closes by itself.

FINALLY, THE DEMON HAS TRULY ARRIVED.

Then we cut to Thomas in her room with no explanation, as she finds her dead. Now, Thomas finally reacts…or should I say OVER reacts like a screaming jackass.

Oh wait, she’s not dead. We saw her on the floor with blood and she wasn’t moving, but right after Thomas tells the camera, er I man Mom that “they” said she’s gonna be okay. Suspense=gone!

She’s in the hospital now, and Thomas records this apology video.

I should have listened you”

At least he admits it, unlike Micah. Here, he realizes his mistakes and how it lead to bad things and yada yada. This bit almost works but since Thomas has been too much of an idiot, it’s too little too late.

I just want us to be a family again”

We cut to the next day with Thomas and Sam. Thomas called up a demon expert guy. At least PA had them get an expert right away instead of waiting until near the damn end.

Demon guy checks out Sam’s room and kind of just stumbles around and then sits on the bed and thinks. There’s being silent for suspense, and there’s being silent for no reason. But after checking the place out, he speaks.

I think you’re right for not leaving. Because it followed you. It probably would have made it more infuriated. So I think you were right in calling me

He does know that Mom and Sam DID leave and piss the demon off more, right?

He assures them that there is a negative presence in this house…and it’s attracted to Sam. Much like how in PA, the demon was into Katie…or killing Micah. I’d sympathize either way. My point is, this is classic Asulum rip off bullshit./

Hell, even in PA the demon possed her a couple times while also fucking with her. Actually, didn’t he take her over a couple times with the whole going to the attic thing? So the demon had what he wanted, so why did he leave her instead of killing everyone off right there?

…To be fair, PA had that issue to. So maybe that was the point.

They again mention how Mom made contact with the dead dad. The dude says that’s common when someone loses a love one. He says this contact can invite a dark spirit that more often than not, takes over the presence of that loved one.

‘In order to come into our world for whatever purpose. In this case, I believe Sam is that purpose”

So in other words, the trauma with the Dad thing was just a lazy way of explaining why the spirit showed up instead of actually tying it in? Sure, it’s more meaty than PA’s explanation but this is a case where less is more.

Or in this film’s case, less stupidity is more.

Thomas shows Demon dude the “Maron” note. Turns out, it’s a Germanic for Nightmare. A “Nightmare” is a german spirit that attacks women in your sleep. It’s similar to the Incubus that rapes women.

Oh joy, let’s put rape into it. That won’t be pointless exploitative at all.

So he tells them to clear their minds and pay very close attention while he starts his job. …Then we get a black screen and Sam screaming. The screen comes back and the demon doctor dude is on the floor, with his head bleeding.

Thomas figures demon dude is a lost cause and runs to find Sam. Then we get a lot of SCREAMING and Thomas yelling OH MY GOD, like he’s in Troll 2.

In perhaps the most insane image in the movie, Sam is naked, floating and covered in blood. More Pixels, yes but it’s awesome. However, it us undercut by LOUD NOISES CUZ LOUD NOISE IS SCARY.

Sam falls to the floor. So what does Thoams do? He drops the camera and runs. FINA-FUCKING-LY. I’ve seen 3 PA movies, One spoof, and now one ripoff and it’s the RIPOFF where they finally grow a brain cell and drop the fucking camera!

…Wait, in PA 1 Micah do that.,…at the very END when something worth watching is happening. But this is after the cool thing happened which makes it smarter…but at least PA at something cooler happening off screen.

Then there’s a weird noise and some unknown thing picks up the camera and focuses on Sam’s ace. I guess the demon figured he’d do a sex tape now that she’s good and dead.

Wait, it’s implied we are seeing the demon’s POV as it picks up the camera? That’s the most we’ve seen of this thing in any PA type movie! This movie does so much right….while still not being as “good” as the film it’s ripping off.

Then we get a message, like in the start, saying bodies were removed from the house. They also tell us that Mom killed herself when she heard about this. They also tell us that this footage was released to the public by opinion of those related to the Finley family.

Oh yeah, they are doing the IT WAS REAL crap that doesn’t quite work in an obvious Mockbuster. The best? IMEDITAYLY after we get the “Those events are fictious and all similarity to real stuff is a coincide” message.

Wow, you just ruined your whole gimmick. Even PA waited til the end of the credits for that!

…Wait, that’s the end? It just stops! ….What bullcrap! Even PA gave us a more interesting ending even though more happened in this one overall! What, why am I bitching? It’s over! A survived an Asylum movie!

Final Thoughts:

This one was…meh. I can’t call it THAT bad, and to be fair, it IS better than a lot of the Asylum’s output. At least what I’ve seen of it. It’s just…an empty experience.’

First, it’s a pretty obvious Paranormal Activity ripoff. The Asylum famously is not ashamed of what they do and they seem to try to make it as similar to the original (at least on the cover) to get people interested.

Well, this fits the bill. The title is obvious and the first few minutes alone tell you what to expect. Sam is Katie and Thomas is Micah. Only things are reveres to an extent. Sam is the one killed, not Thomas.

Not that it makes much of a different, as the demon takes her over like in PA. There are plenty of differences so the the company can say it’s not a full rip off, and just a “Tie in”. But come on, it’s a rip off, plain and simple.

First off, the characters suck. Thomas, Sam and Mom have little to no personality, and it’s up the plot to make them more interesting. As I said, some scene attempts to had syampthy to them and it’s not the worst, but in the end I felt no connection to them.

Thomas is…not as annoying as Micah, but he makes up for it by being a dumbass. At least Thomas has the personality…of being a dick. Thomas is a blank slate who mostly makes udmb mistakes that make me dislike him.

Also, he’s played the the director. That makes him so much more likeable!

However, this film’s biggest problem is how mixed it is. Sometimes it has nothing happening in a reason, and sometimes tons of stuff is happening. I should praise for getting started right away. But then I figured the 2nd half would be less interesting cuz they blew their trump card too early.

But then the rest has stuff happening, and has more interesting things. But we also get TON of moments with people stumbling around, saying nothing. At least the “nothing” in PA was simply small things or just the night scenes.

This movie is not consistent And it’s just messy at times. I wanted to flat out bash this one, but …i don’t know. I admit some scenes have a point, and are actually not badly done. There are plenty of points in this review where I saw a scene almost works or is almost scary.

But the amount of dumb scenes and element don’t make up for it. However, the film itself is…kind of there. On it’s own, it’s too much like PA to be original and there’s nothing groundbreaking. Some of the scares are okay, but don’t even come close to the theatrical ending to PA Or PA 3 for that matter.

As a PA rip off, it fits the bill for those who just want to see a lame knocck. It’s admitly entertaining at times…but meh. It just made me appreciate PA even more. You know I’m not abig fan, but I actually see WHY that movie waited to scare, and why it was boring.

It’s better than being inconsistent like this film. I still question the point of dong a low budget knockoff of PA in the first place. This movie isn’t bad enough for a D-….or at least I didn’t dislike it enough.

It’s just…there.

Score: 5/10

This wasn’t a good review. The film itself is so…THERE and repetitive that I couldn’t get many jokes out of it. But it did make me want to watch a PA movie again.

…Infact, let’s do that!

NEXT: PARANORMAL  ACTIVITY…4!

THE BORING SAGA WILL END…FOR NOW

See ya!

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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