Hannah Montana: The Movie

It's the best of both words: Weak Disney Sitcom and Weak Disney Channel movie!

It’s the best of both words: Weak Disney Sitcom and Weak Disney Channel movie!

Hello, Spongey here.

Just a few days ago, I posted part one of a special look at Disney Channel sticoms. I shared my most embarrassing secret…that I like them. But the show I was the most split on was none other than Hannah Montana.

If you read my post on it, you know all about it. But to sum it up, it’s Disney’s most (in)famous sitcom about Miley Stewart, a normal guy who happens to double as pop start Hannah Montana. Read that post, as I explain my complex relationship with it.

It’s a guilty pleasure, as usual. But one thing I didn’t discuss was Miley Cyrus herself. She is one Disney’s biggest stars…for the all the wrong. Even in her HM days, she was known for doing weird things.

And by that I mean shit only TMZ cares about. But near the end of it’s run she was known for going off the deep end. She’s the post child for Disney stars going crazy or drowning in coke. But while Demi Lavato got better, Miley got worse.

But what do I think of her as an actress/singer? …Meh. She’s the Disney star I didn’t really for either way. She’s not as bad as some say, but I can’t say she’s really good. She had plenty of fine moments on HM, but was also the weak link at points too.

In her other projects, she was also meh. A bit better but not the best. I just can’t care but now I care even less. But it makes watching her works really awkward. It’s kind of sad how things went down.

But i’ve stopped caring, cuz Miley is not relevant so matter how hard she tries. When I heard about her recent um…VMA’s….thing, I just said this:

Oh look Miley Cryus did something stupid. …Okay, now I can move on with my life”

But wait, that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Oh no, this is about Hannah Montana. See, HM was a hit, and when that happens, they make a MOVIE out of it in 2009. But this isn’t a DCOM. Oh no. It was in THEATERS.

So this was a big deal. It was the first movie based on one of their modern sitcoms And the only one in theaters. A decision that baffles me. This movie’s plot has nothing theatrical to it at all. It’s a DCOM. Plain and simple.

Want proof? The writer has done mostly DCOM’s, from Camp Rock 2 to even Wizards of Waverly place the movie. This has no reason to be in theaters. So why is it?

We’ve GOT to have…money!”

Yep, that sounds right.

But that doesn’t make it bad. Is It bad? Or is it actually not? I’ve seen this before so I know, but you don’t. Before we start, it’s worth nothing that it was nominated for TWO Razzie words. Miley for Worst Actress, and Billy Ray Cryus for worst Supporting g actor.

Billy WON the latter. Keep in mind, his competition included Robert Pattison in Twilight new moon. That’s right, one of the biggest razzie punching bags LOST to someone who didn’t even do all that much. At least Miley lost to Sandra Bullock in All about steve.

With all that said,. let’s FINALLY dig in.

This, is Hannah Montana: The Movie

The movie opens, naturally, at a Hannah Montana concert. Only Miley Stewart (Miley Cryus) and Lilly (Emily Osmsnet) can’t get past the ticket lady.

You are the only pop star who can’t get into her own concert”

There are many reasons why this doesn’t make any sense (I don’t even get why she was late) but there’s more things to worry about later on.

So she takes the security’s guys golf cart to get in through the backstage garage are place. It’s a good thing he doesn’t question anything when her dad (Billy Ray Cyrus) pops up saying they are with him. Or else he might noticed how contrived this is!

Anyway, they make it backstage as the title card pops up and they get ready. Also, credits guy, putting “A DIRECTOR FILM” on this thing won’t make any more respectable. The Bratz movie did it too, oddly enough.

So after the ‘show off the character by having her get ready” montage, she gets out onstage and performs the extended version of the show’s theme song. It’s the most enjoyable part of the movie so far at least.

Though I hate that it makes sense that this is the only Disney Sitcom movie to have the show’s theme.

Anyway, after that we cut to some other time as she has finished a filming a music video on the beach or whatever. She goes to her tent only to be faced with a creepy fan guy. He acts creepy but he mostly just wants a picture for his daughters.

But Hannah’s assistant Vita (Vanessa Williams) catches him for the tabloid guy he is. No, this chick has never been in the show and never popped up after this. You’ll see her purpose later. Anyway, as I said, Oswald here is a guy who works for a tabloid magazine thingy.

He wants do a feature/career ending expose on Hannah. Vita shoos him away though. He’s one of the villains. Yes, I said villains. You’ll see the other one later. This guy is, as I like to say, COMPLETLY POINTLESS.

Again, you’ll see how later.

Vita reminds the audience, I mean Hannah, that she is her publicist and that she must not talk to people like that or her secret might get out.

Sometimes I just wish I could be Hannah all the time”

Uh, you already tried that. It turned out really bad and you learned that you must not be selfish and keep to your miley duties with your friends? Did you just…forget that ?It was still canon!

Back outside, we find out that Oswald planted a camera in the tent but Vita accidentally sat on it, preventing him from seeing anything but her ass. Yes, I said he was pointless but showing up a few times doesn’t make him anymore interesting.

It turns out he is doing this for the head of the tabloid, who is some bitchy chick played by Jane Carr. Oh joy, another repeat actor. She was in Air Buddies. Well, it’s an improvement from that mess.

Then there is an Abrupt cut to Miley at school as she is pulled away by Vita for Hannah business. But Lilly pops to remind her about her birthday party that day.

I’ll be there I promise”

That’s movie code for she won’t be there.

Anyway, her brother Jackson (Jason earles, another repeat actor from a buddies movie) is leaving for college. Only Miley of course missed the big moment due to some Hannah stuff.

Hannah realizes this but is immediately distracted by some shoes as she is shopping. So Vita thinks it’s okay to pull her away from that to shop for an appearance at an awards show. Who hired her anyway?

The shoes shall be her present to Lilly, but Tyra Banks pops up, wanting the shoes too. Waht a random cameo. She’s uncredited too. Which is odd as this scenes helps set up the plot. She gets no credit for that?

Anyway, Hannah-verse Tyra is a bitch so they end up getting in a weird cat fight over the shoes. This was the scene abused the most in the trailers, by the way.

Hannah gets out of there even with paparazzi going crazy over that. But while she rides away, she sees that Oswald is following them in his car. Okay, he does help get this next plot point into action. At least he does SOMETHING.

The problem is, she can’t get out looking like Miley cuz of Oswald, but it would be wrong to show up at lilly’s part as Hannah. But the latter is exactly what happens as she loses Oswald and ends up going into the party as Hannah.

I’ll overlook the many ways she could have avoided this. Anyway, the attentions turn from Lilly to Hannah as her party is officially hijacked.

I’m sorry, Lilly I had no choice. I’ll make up to you, I promise”

‘You will never, ever make it up to me!”

Ouch. Another time where one of the supporting characters is more sympathetic than Miley. You could see this as Lilly wanting everyone to be about her…but it is HER party and this is another in a line of cases where Miley feels her Hannah duties are more important than her friends.

Of course she won’t listen to find out she only did this to avoid a guy but ..well…uh…yeah, I can’t defend that. I just like her character more. Speaking of characters I like more, Oliver (Mitchell Musso) and Rico (Moises Arias) try to stop Lilly from leaving, but the party is ruined by Rico’s exploding “Happy Birthday Lilly” cake

Hope you enjoyed that brief gag with exploding cake and Rico/Oliver cuz they never show up again after this. It make sense for why it’s only Hannah/Miley for most of it, but since Oliver and the others were far more likable to me, this is disappointing.

So later, after that, Miley is sulking on the beach as Dad comes in, pissed about the Tyra banks fight. She’s even more pissed Miley agreed to go to new york for some awards show, as she is supposed to head to her home town for her Grandma’s birthday.

…Yeah, I am 100 percent on the dad’s side, and not Hannah’s. Nice job, movie.

\

This is, without a doubt, unacceptable”

LEOMONGRAB: UNACCPETABLE!!!

Standing up your brother, humiliating lilly at her own party”

Yeah, you’re right, Razzie winner! Why did he win again? He’s clearly the most likable character.

‘I can’t talk right now, I have to go to new york. It’s a music awards”

So you’re grandmothers birthday doesn’t even matter”

Dad, this is totally different and you know it”

Uh, it’s not. You kept fucking up and you CONTINTUE to do so by ditching your Gradnam’s birthday for some silly Hannah thing. And when Dad is mad, you don’t really seem to care. That is beyond bitch-y.

I mean, seriously, aside from regretting the Lilly thing, she’s been quite unlikable so far. Even more so than usual. And Vita doesn’t seem to care either, as I think is the REAL villain.

Dad says she wins and she can go to new york, but only in that private jet she wanted. I could rage but trust me, Dad gets a nice moment through this. It makes up for what just happened.

Anyway, we cut to them heading to New York on the jet.

That vita is full of good advice…absolutely full of it”

Okay, you know for kids moment but this Is why Dad is the most likable part so far. At least until the plot kicks he in and drop off to his own pointless subplot.

They land, and Miley steps out./..only to see a country setting. That’s right, he tricked her into going to Tennessee after all. Now that is awesome.

And of course Miley is not happy and wants to be on that red carpet as Hannah.

All you ever wanted to do was sing. Hannah let you do that and still have a normal life. That’s why we created her in the first place. To be honest, I don’t know what she’s about anymore”

Okay, stop being the smartest charfacter. I know this all set up for Miley to grow and realize this, but the entire first 20 minute feels like it’s making her too bitch-y so this can all happen.

The show could do this but due to the fact that it was a 20 minute show, they could fit in situations that made her more likable. That and it was never this forced. When the plot kicks in, this complains flies out the window. And good riddance, complaint!

I think we might be done”

Hey, you’ve got at least one season after this. You ain’t done milking this cash cow yet!

So you’re saying I can never be Hannah again?”

Ask me in two weeks”

So there’s our premise: The Hannah life starts to take over so Dad forces her to get a reality check by making stay in her home town for two week where she will learn some big lesson. This certainty isn’t a bad plot as it could lead to some of the character stuff we did see in the show at times.

So the movie is going to a good place…it just had a very rough patch to go through to get there. Anyway, Miley has Dad stop the trucking, wanting to go home but Dad just gave her those words up there.

Then they bump into Miley’s old horse, Blue jeans. This horse, unlike the other new characters, DID show up again and give us a kind of sweet episode in season 4. She had a better connection with the horse than half the love interests.

Dad is all like “k i’m going you catch up” and drives off. Miley then bumps into Travis, some other farm dude who is the love interest. Yeah, spoilers.

It’s me. Travis Brody? We were in the first grade together?”

I provided clunky exposition?

I guess I had a pretty big crush on you back then, but don’t worry about it. I’m over it”

Over it my ass, you are the most obvious love interest i’ve seen in this type of movie.

So here’s the thing: Travis, does not know that Miley is Hannah. So you can guess how he enters the big conflict. So after they make small talk and all that crap, Miley arrrives home and Travis heads off.

Yes, this place falls into all the country stereotypes. But I can forgive that cuz…well uh…um…i don’t care. So anyway, Miley meets up with the family including her Grandma, who is very happy to see her.

We see a couple family members, including Cousin Derrick who is creepy and has a ferret. I suppose now I should mention how the theatrical transition works out. It’s of course shot in a cinematic way which in a way, kind of helps the movie.

There isn’t as much over the top comedy as opposed to the show. So bits like the part with Derick end up being a bit funnier and the moments of actuall comedy do kind of work. I think the lack of a set or laugh track allowed them to get more subdued in this category.

But like a lot of the DCOM’s, there isn’t really enough humor to offset the mostly “serious” tone. This certainty has it better than say, Camp rock and given the comedy in HM, I think it’s good to not have it be as over the top.

How does it help the serious moments? Well, you’ll see later.

Anyway, Dad meets Loreai, who is his love interest. Thanks to her, Dad stops being the best part and fades into nothing. Though it’s a bit more amusing than the Miley/Travis stuff we have early on.

So Miley is making a genuine connection with the family and is even happy to be in her Mom’s old room. Yeah, remember her mom is Dad cuz Disney movie. There’s also moment where Miley seems to be reflecting on her her Family missed her and whatever.

Notice how Miley has made a 360 turn from “bitch” to “passable? Yeah, that’s weird. I’m glad she’s somewhat likeable for the next hour and a half but they could have dialed down the bitch part for the first 20 or so minutes.

The next morning, she still wants to start operation save Hannah, so turns into Farm!Hannah and goes to get eggs. How will this save Hannah? I don’t know but we do get a montage while she does farm stuff.

After the montage, Dad discovers that Loreai is the fore(wo)man and right now she’s fixing the car. I just added this cuz I made it seem like she was family back there and um, ew.

Also, there’s a scene where Jackson is like showing off some ostrich for some kids or whatever. Jackson is upstaged by a more talented animal guy who shows the kids an alligator. I hope you like this scene it’s the only big Jackson thing you’ll see for the rest of the movie.

He will show up a few times but not enough for It to be a subplot. So yay, another character I like does nothing. And yes, Jackson ends up face to face with the gator.

This scene technically isn’t mentioned again so…is this a very literal big lipped alligator moment?

Anyway, Miley and Grandma head to the farmer’s market, and Grandma talks about how developers are coming and doing evil developer thing. This one dude in particular wants to put a shopping mall.

Really, the evil developer plot? It’s not as bad as in some other movies but given how it’s only here as a brief plot device, it’s pretty dumb to see this cliché here.

Infact, not too long later they bump into evil developer, Mr Bradley, played by Barry Bostwick. Yep, Barry bostwick is in this. He gets more to do than in Teen Beach movie which makes me sad but he still isn’t given a whole to do outside of his cliché role.

But he’s the closest we have to a villain since Oswald clearly isn’t doing anything for me.

Anyway, there’s a bit where Miley says something “first 20 minutes miley”-ish and Grandma bitches at her as she is lucky to be with her family and whatever. At least now she isn’t being a big bitch in response.


“I’m sorry”

See!

But who should pop up but Oswald? Yep, he’s back in the plot for the next couple minutes. See, after Hannah crashed Lilly’s party, he bugged lilly about Hannah Montana and she just said her hometown cuz she was pissed.

Yeah thanks, Lilly. I know you didn’t know he was a tabloid guy but telling him the hometown of Hannah which is the hometown of Miley, this helping reveal the secret is still really stupid.

Miley spots him but she wards him off by switching this free simple chili he’s taking with some really hot stuff. It bugs him so much he does a big pratfall and whatever. Then they get him up and tell him Hannah lives somewhere very far off. You could have done that part to start with, you know.

He goes to where they say she is, but he ends up at some backwater places and he falls some more. After his boss calls to check up on him, his daughters call in too and we simply find out they are big Hannah fans. As pointless as it is …it comes into play at the end.

Anyway, later on, we see the “boy walks in on girl practicing song” cliché with Travis and Miley.

What did you think of my song?’

Song?”

That thing I was singing”

You’re so untalented he doesn’t know WHAT that was1

He says she got most of then notes right, and the “most” part bugs her. If Miley Cryus actually cared about what people think, she would be much less insane. Just saying. Anyway, she confronts him about this.

It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t..”

Good”

Like all of Miley Cryus’s music.

Then the subject changes as Travis takes her out to show her what she’s been missing. And to have a romantic montage made just for the trailer.

After that they head to this fundraiser event to save the town from the evil barry bostwick. As they arrive, Billy Ray has just performed, and Taylor Swift, who had nothing better to do, goes up. No comment.

Then Travis and Miley dance while Dad and Loreai do the same. After that bit of boredom. Travis suggests Miley go up. She then performs ‘Hoedown throwdown” which is the most memorable song in the movie. Too bad it’s still just okay.

But when the song ends, their party is interrupted when Barry bostwick comes in. He acts your basic evil developer, only he’s a bit funnier cuz it’s Barry bostwick. He’s so delightfully aware of how much of a douche is. Cliche he may be, but at least he has fun.

He tells them they will never raise enough money to save the town unless The Beatles magically show up.

Miley knows Hannah Montana”

Not quite the beatles, but that will do, Travis.

Anyway, yeah, Miley did tell Travis that earlier. Miley tells them Hannah will show up for a performance, which means the plot can actually move forward now.

So in order to get Hannah-fied without anyway knowing it’s her, she has Lilly come in and pretend to be Hannah for the big entrance. And yes, Emily Osment rocks the Hannah look better than Miley Cyrus.

Anyway, Hannah Not-tanna here comes in to Miley’s room and they seem to have made up after what happened earlier. Glad Lilly is so damn forgiving. Miley also seems forgiving when she hears that Lilly got oswald over here .

So Loreai comes in and Miley has Lilly!Hannah pretend to be asleep cuz uh…huh. I know Miley didn’t want to don the Hannah disguise but how does this help anything? If no one could tell this isn’t really Hannah when she walked in, truly it won’t matter now.

I guess it’s to have a contrived bit where Loreai gives Lilly!Hannah a foot massage or whatever. Loreai tells Lilly!Hannah that the mayor having a big dinner in Hannah’s honor and Lilly!Hannah says yes.

So later, Miley turns into Hannah and talks to Travis. They make small talk and it turns out Travis is far more interested in Miley. He even asks Hannah if she thinks Miley would go out with him if he asked.

Hannah is like “Ask her out dude”. Yeah, you can tell the movie has been hitting a few dead spots by this point. The movie has it’s ups and downs in being interesting. The Lilly!Hannah bit was at least interesting then this overlong bit comes in. It’s like for most of act 2.

Travis runs out to ask Miley out, so Hannah turns back into Miley. I can just imagine Hannah running into a phoneboth and coming back out as Hannah, like a superhero. With the power to uh…um….be a slightly below average singer!

Travis asks her out for dinner that evening. But then later she finds out about the mayor’s dinner thing. So that’s why that happened in the Lilly scene. But why would she NOT go to a thing like that? If this date didn’t pop up, she would have no hesitation in saying yes like Lilly did.

But that’s not the worst part. Oh no. The worst part is…they are doing the “Try to be in two places at once” cliché! This really IS a sitcom movie!

So indeed, she shows up for the Mayor dinner while also showing up for the date. Again, it’s that cliché where she goes from one to the other. This movie has been mostly doing the stuff show could do but only now is it really doing the sitcom stuff.

To be fair, it’s not criminally unfunny or painful. Much like the rest of the movie so far.

So I’m just gonna skim through the next few minutes. Mostly cuz I forgot to save and my oh so witty observation about a gag was deleted. Basically, that cousin’s ferret starts that gag where an animal crawls and it only seems to bug Miley and Jackson and Jackson gets more things to say and do.

After briefly going back to the date, she is pulled back to the dinner where the ferret really runs lose and pushes this cliché further. In the commotion, Hannah runs out to get back to the date…but she takes off her wig right as a little girl sees her.

Perhaps it was a bad idea to do that where anyone can see you. Granted, you are going through a revolving door in a not so populated area, but still. She doesn’t see her see but it’s shown in SUPPPPPPPPEREEER SLOOOOOOOOOOW MOOOOOOOOOOO.

And who else pops up to see it? Travis. Wah wah wah wah WAAAAAAH. Yep, let’s add the liar revealed cliché to the list. Only I suppose I can let that aspect slide. Wait, why is he even over here? Whatever.

Miley, Hannah, whoever you are…we’re done”

Ouch. Well, at least I get why he’s dumping her. And guess what? This one of the better parts of the movie. Hear me out. This actually ties into Miley’s Dilemma as her Hannah situation has now brought down her love life, as she got too caught up in it.

Granted, this dinner was a bit more important than a silly sate, but on the other hand, this could have been avoided by keeping the two lives separate instead of combing them by saying yes to both. There are issues here to be sure…but where this seems to lead is interesting.

The show has dived into the whole “juggling lives’ thing…including after the movie but we’ll get to THAT later. So this moment is actually not that bad.

What doesn’t work so well is a bit where Loreai talks to Dad and then it goes from the “Secrets and lies” thing to Dad saying “I’m just not ready for a relationship” The Lorelai thing was alright but it didn’t need to get sucked into the drama.

Also, Dad tells her it’s cuz he needs to sort stuff with the family, which is cool. Except Lorelai doesn’t seem to be happy and storms off. Yeah, how dare he focus on his family!

Of course it starts raining once they head home. Later, Dad walks in on Miley as she has finished writing a song, which she then sings. It’s alright, I guess. So the morning, Lilly finds out Miley was painting a chicken coop all night, cuz Travis was going that earlier.

Don’t you know not to bother someone who is asleep on top of chicken cop?”

I do now”

FUNNY JOKE ALERT!

Anyway, so a bit after that it’s time for Hannah’s big benefit concert thingy. Sort of, she’s in her trailer now. After a sweet moment with the grandma, Travis finds out that Miley finished his job for him.

This is enoguh to get home to go to the concert to support Hannah. That was easy, but we need to get this movie done with anyway. We’re on minute 84 on like 95 after all.

So the concert starts and it goes well. But halfway through…Hannah stops.

I can’t do this”

Huh?

“”I love being Hannah, but I don’t think I can do it anymore”

That’s right. She actually takes off the wig, revealing to everyone there that Miley is Hannah Montana.

I’ve hurt a lot of people, but I didn’t mean to”

She doesn’t exactly force the moral but I get it. She has realized that her life two lives are getting in the way of herself. Hannah caused her to hurt people early on, and it made her neglect a possible boyfriend. She loves being Hannah, but she loves being HERSELF more.

And to drive it home further, she shows them a song she wrote for herself. That song is “The Climb” which is likely the most famous Non-Hannah Miley Cryus song. The song itself? It’s alright. One of the better Miley songs as it fits this story fine.

It actually does drive home the theme well. I’m shocked. They are taking something that made me dislike her earlier into something very nice! It’s not the best song ever but this entire section started out weak with Travis but now it’s…genuine!

See, these moments made the show tolerable for a man with horrible tastes. There’s a few minutes left, but this seems to be it. I’m just gonna pretend like I haven’t’ seen the movie before even though I know what happens next.

It looks the movie turned itself around. I think it may end up getting a slightly positive grade! So Miley has given a spech AND sang a song about her feelings and seems to have very good reasons for giving up Hannah.

Goodbye”

Very nice, so that was-

Please?’

…What? Did that little girl from earlier say something.

Please be Hannah”

Sorry, I can’t”

Yeah, what she said. Now go along so we can end this-

Sure you can!”

Put the wig back on, you’ll never have a normal life if you don’t!”

Did you just hear her, Vita? That exact opposite will happen!

Hannah’s a part of you, don’t let her go!”

Okay movie that’s very funny. Everyone is chanting HANNAH but come on, you can’t be that stupid. You wouldn’t throw away the moral like that.

See, Miley won’t listen to you. No, she’ll protest and she just put the wig back on. Wait, WHAT No, that’s not happenng. This is a joke, right?

Come on Oswald, who just popped up again to take a pic of Miley and Hannah. Tell me this is a joke. Do it before your daughters show up to show their Hannah love which is somehow enough to get him to stop and quit his job and yell at his boss.

…Oh, that just happened? So Oswald is now exactly 98 percent pointless! Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, I was checking to see if the movie was joking. …

It’s not? That just happened? Miley went back to Hannah at the drop of a hat.

…WHAT THE FU-

*One mental breakdown later*

Okay, what the fuck?! I know Todd in the shadows ranted on this already but I didn’t know it was that bad! This ending….WHAT THE HELL?! The ENTIRE MOVIEwas bulding to this moment. The moment where Miley finally grows as a character and gives up Hannah, but sees that it did do her good.

But what happens? These ungrateful DICKS make her be Hannah again! She poured her heart out and you all cheered! You loved it. But suddenly, it’s all:

WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS? DANCE PUPPET, DANCE!”

I could feel bad for Miley but she goes with it! After that entire song that chanting makes her put it back on. No explanetyion, she’s just like…okay. And Hannah will keep tearing her lfie apart and damnit WHY!

She saw the trouble she caused and was ready to make up for it but she just gives in! She is as much to blame for this as anyone! And what exactly is stepping the WHOLE TOWN from telling people? Surely someone must have tweeted or Instagramm’d, or facebook’d that shit when it happened!

You can’t tell me NO ONE went and told their friend or something. Even without Oswald, it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep this town from blabbing. So what kind of sense does that make?!

And what’s this? Travis confesses his love to Miley she this fixed everything? Dude, her Hannah stuff caused you pain back there! She made up for it yes but what she did was a step backwards!

Oh, who cares? You vanishes after the movie anyway so you were pointless. And guess what? This is where it ends! They act like it’s a happy ending when really, it’s one of the biggest fuck you downer endings ever.

I knew she wouldn’t give up Hannah cuz hey, Disney has to keep making money. But they built it so competently and that last bit was kind of sweet. They clearly put effort into all that. And they grow the moral away!

I knew this is getting to be long but this pisses me off. Even more than it did Todd! Why? Cuz I was INVESTED . I CARED. And what did you do? Piss it all away and made everyone, sans Miley unlikable.

Hannah gets up on stage and sings us out, and no lesson seems to be learned. So kids, if you have a secret that fucked things up and you pour your heart out NO ONE CARES. Just keep it and act like it’s good and you learned a lesson when you did not.

What a rushed ending, and what a big fat LOAD. Just…roll the damn credits.

Final Thoughts:

So after all is said and done, this movie is…..just okay. Not good. Not bad. Just….okay. I can’t really say anything about it…aside from the ending is really insulting or painful. But I can’t say there’s a big thing they do very well.

Well, one element works near the end but….they ruin that. As an adaption of the show, it’s hit or mess.. Like I said, the coemdy is turned down and it works better. But art points they pull out cliché gags which bug me. But even then, it’s alright.

The sweet moments end up feeling more geuine for the most part, so that fixes most of my issues with the show. But they open up new ones by not adding anything I can say is worth seeing as a movie.

The film doesn’t seem to use the show’s characters a lot in favor of new ones. But Travis is dull, Vita is pointless, Lorai is okay, Barry bostwick is fun but pointless, and my god why did Oswald exist besides helping Hannah crash Lilly’s party?

None of these guys suck but I didn’t care for them. Only llly and Jackson do anything, and they are both fine but Jackson isn’t given much and Lilly only gets few minutes, which are amusing to be fair.

The show’s strengths show up sometimes and they elevate the movie. The show’s weaknesses are downplayed as it never annoyed me with the comedy and it felt more geuine. So I SHOULD like it more!

But if I watched like 10 of the best episodes, I would feel more rewarded. They had no pointless storylines, so drawn out scenes to pad out the runtime, and the good moments felt so rewarding.

But the movie at least isn’t painful. It has it’s moments and the acting, while not amazing, is….not terrible at least. That’s the thing though. I can’t say it’s very bad, but it also rarely wowed me for the most part. It just left me….watching it. It’s a guilty pleasure to an extent, as I found myself having fun while mocking it’s cliches.

Then comes the ending. I also saw the ending rant to Todd’s review thanks to a video Eli Stone (The Cartoon hero) did so I only knew about that part. I figured it would bug me but by the time I watched it, I was like “eh, it can’t be too bad”

Then to my shock, the movie reeled me with a good moment. Then it ruined it. The worst part? The show did an episode near the end where her Hannah stuff got in the way with a relationship with her new boyfriend, and this made him dump her which made sense. So at the end she gave up Hannah for good so she can get rid of her problems.

No one argued and EVERYONE cheered at her for going this. This solved her problems.

So in other words THEY DID THE MOVIE RIGHT! That episode went through with the moral, and as a result, it was good! So this movie is POINTLESS as they pretty much betrayed it by doing it right.

So fuck the ending. The rest? It’s okay. I can’t say i’d watch it willingly a lot, but if it’s on TV and nothing is on, i’ll get a kick of mocking it. Then i’ll turn it off near the end. To be fair, my rant in the last paragraph isn’t fair as that issue wasn’t’ there when the movie came out.

But if the show doesn’t care about the movie, why should I? It’s better than I make it out to be, but I can’t say it’s that good. It’s okay…with a terrible ending. Miley Cyrus, I have the utmost basic respect for oyu. Just clean up your act.

Show writers? Be glad your finale was good cuz this movie needed some re-writers.

Grade: C+

I hope you Hannah haters liked my ending rant, and I hope you 9 year old girls don’t kill me. I also hope you sane adults don’t kill me for liking Hannah Montana is any way shape or form.

See ya.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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One Response to Hannah Montana: The Movie

  1. Mark Doherty says:

    Hi spongey! I’m a huge fan of your movie reviews ever since “So bad it’s horrible month.” But I actually have a movie request for October. Do you think you could review “Scary Godmother:Halloween Spooktacular?” It’s a movie I love that used to air on Cartoon Network during Halloween but now it’s on Youtube. So if you do review it, thank you so much! If you don’t review it, that’s okay. Keep up the good work BTW.

    Please respond ASAP to Markiej0523@yahoo.com

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