100th Review Special!

Freddie as FR07

Son of the mask

Fred The Movie

16 Wishes

Yellow Submarine

The Cat in the Hat

Garfield the Movie

Meet the Spartans

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle

Fred 2: Night of the living Fred

George of The jungle

Luck of the Irish

Inspector Gadget 2

Scooby Doo

Transformers: Revenge of the fallen

My Little Pony: The Movie

NFL Rush Zone: Rise of the Guardians

Jack and Jill

Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan

Home Alone 4

The Hottie and The Nottie

Rebound

Hoodwinked Too: Hood Vs Evil

Cry Baby Lane

The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars

Dinner for Scmucks

The Haunting Hour: Don’t Think About it

Under Wraps

Phantom of The Megaplex

Friday the 13th (2009)

Camp Fred

Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity 2

Foodfight!

Going Overboard

Bedtime Stories

Mr. Deeds

Happy Gilmore

The Waterboy

A Serbian Film

Spy Hard

Punch Drunk Love

Big Daddy

Little Nicky

A Fairly Odd Christmas

Happy Feet

Alvin and The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

A Thousand Words

Home Alone: The Holiday Heist

Trasnformers Dark of The Moon

Batman Returns

Diary of a wimpy Kid

Happy Feet Two

Antz

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd dimension

Shark Tale

Diary of a wimpy Kid: Dog Days

Shrek the Third

Ramona and Beezus

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed with a Kiss

Hotel Transylvania

Ice age: Continental Drift

Grown Ups

Hop

The Oogiveloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

The Smurfs

Bratz: The Movie

Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

CyberBully

DragonBall: Evolution

The Last Airbender

Paranormal Activity 3

Spy Kids 3D: Game Over

Spy Kids: All The Time in the world

Recess: School’s Out

Sucker Punch

30 Nights of Paranormal Activity With the Devil Inside the girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Ted

HalloweenTown

Camp Rock

Minutemen

Smart House

Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back

Let It Shine

HalloweenTown 2: Kalabar’s Revenge

You Wish!

High School Musical 2

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Escape From Planet Earth

Movie 43

Air Buddies

Space Buddies

Teen Beach Movie

Madgascar

Snow Buddies

These are the 99 reviews. Hello, Spongey here. I’ve done 99 reviews so far, this is my 100th. I’ve covered my 100th and 200th overall blogs. But this is bigger.

I’ve done 100 ACTUAL REVIEWS. Some were more rushed than others, but for all of them, I sat down and covered an entire movie, play by play.

I knew I had to do something big for my 100th review. So I came up with a few ideas and had my fan vote. And the votes came in for one movie, almost unanimously. And shockingly it was the GOOD movie!

I’ve actually done a blog on this movie before. For my 100th, it may be cheating, but it counts. I think I did a poor job before, in my general look back. But now, I will do it justice.

Everyone has a show or film that sums up their childhood. I was lucky to have that show turned INTO a movie. It was a simple 1999 Nick cartoon that had big laughs, funny jokes, and great characters. It was a HUGE hit, to the point where people bitch about how it’s still on and the only thing Nick Airs.

But I myself don’t care. Some have given up on the show due to seasonal rot, while others stick by it due to recent season being better. Or they are like me, and refuse to give up until it’s over.

And this movie represents all of that, in many ways. Some of you have already guessed. That’s right…

This, is The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

That’s right, I’m looking at the film version of Stephen Hilenburg’s great show. He directed this film, and it had many writers. From regulars Paul Tibbit to my former nemesis Aaron Springer. And also Tim Hill who sadly went on to direct CGI Chipmunks.

No more introductions. Let’s jump right into it. So, the movie opens with a live action section featuring some pirates. One dude sees another guy comping up in a Dingy.

Dingy off the port bow!”

The captain goes up to meet dingy boy who has brought them a treasure chest. What could possible be in it? Gold? Jewls?

…Tickets to the Spongebob movie!”

But of course! Wait, there’s only like 5 tickets, and 10000 pirates. How will they all get in? Anyway, am I the only who questions why Patchy the pirate isn’t it this? As in, the guy who hosted most of the special until they started to use him sparingly.

At this point, he had been in all of them. So why isn’t he in this big budget movie? Eh, it’s no big deal to be honest. Just a nitpick as a fan. So after that, the pirates proceed to sing the Spongebob theme…as an epic chorus. I love this version. It’s awesome.

This is a great opening for a movie like this, it’s perfect. So they head into the theater and the movie proper starts. Wait, so the ACTUAL Movie just kind of starts with no real credits? Weird.

Anyway, we actually start with the usual french narrator, who is interrupted by some cops. There’s some shit going down at The Krusty Krab, but Mr Krabs, voiced by Clancy Brown, says he doesn’t wanna talk about til his manager gets here.

Right then, the manager gets cuz he was psychic I guess. As it turns out, it is good ol’ Spongebob Squarepants, voiced by my favorite voice actor, Tom Kenny. Certainty a step up from Trasnformers 2 at any rate. So what is the problem?

It started out as a simple order: A Krabby Patty with cheese. But when the customer took a bit…no cheese!”

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

Super cool Spongebob goes in and talks to a sweaty dude named Phill, who is having the cheese problem. We get a great, funny bit about them taking this so seriously. Then EPIC CHEESE PLACING ENSUES.` After that…

Order up”

Hell yes. But of course this was all a dream. Excitedly he jumps out and announces that today is the opening of the Krusty Krab 2: This time, it’s personal. Mr Krabs will announce the new manager, who SB believes will be him. For any other character, this would be kinda egoistical.

But since Spongebob is an awesome person and the only competent KK employee, I see why be thinks this. Plus he’s just so adorable about all of this. Then we get an amusing montage of him getting ready for his day.

Now is a good time to discuss a couple things. First, Spongebob. We won’t get into the post movie versions as that is another can of worms all together. Spongebob is a happy go lucky go who doesn’t get bugged by nothing except the stupidest things. He’s incredibly likeable and of course Tom Kenny is excellent in this role.

Tom Kenny has done tons of characters, but Spongebob remains his most famous. Spongebob is almost like a modern cartoon icon, even after post movie rot. He helped make this character who he is, and for that, I salute him.

Spongebob runs out chanting, “’I’M READY, PROMOTION!” You know, “I’m Ready” is known as his catchphrase…but he rarely says it. /He said a few times early on…and that’s it. I can’t remember any other use of it after that. Is it a “beam me up scotty” thing?

After that, he…ends up tin he shower of his neighbor, Squidward Tenctacles, voiced by Rodger Bumpass. Creepy stuff aside, Squidward has become my favorite character as I’ve grown up. He’s a grumpy/dick type who won’t take SB’s shit, and he’s incredibly funny. And even somewhat likable. Don’t ask for my stance on “Squidward abuse” as I don’t mind since from the beginning, it’s been the same level.

But I love it when the writers throw him a bone, like in the recent “enchanted Tiki island” which has a great ending for him. Also, Spongebob might be gay for him. Why else would he pop up in his shower just to say he’ll put him in his manager speech?

PATRICK: I don’t know…I’m funny?

Whoa, I used a spongebob joke in a spongebob review. SPONGECEPTION.

Squidward kicks him out. Sadly, he isn’t in the movie much aside from a few short scenes after this. SB then bumps into his best friend, Patrick Star, voiced by Bill Faggerbake. A step up from the last time we saw him. Patrick is the dumb one. But of course he’s a FUNNY dumb guy and he’s pretty awesome. Not much else to him than that, but he has hidden depths and really, I love him the way he is.

We’re going to the place where ALL the action is…GOOFY GOOBER’S ICE CREAM PARTY BOAT”

Oh shit, don’t party TOO hard! Then they dance to the most badass theme ever..

I’m a goofy goober yeah! You’re a goofy goober yeah! Goofy Goofy Goofy Goofy goober yeah!”

After that, SB runs off. We cut to the news, where Perch Perkins (voiced by Dee Bradly Baker) is interviewing Mr K. Perch was introduced in the movie and started popping up in the show as a regular.

Hello, I like Money”

What inspired to create a 2nd Krusty Krab right next door to the original?”

Money”

At least he’s upfront about it . As you can tell, Mr K loves money, and he’s also somewhat of a dick. But a funny, likable one. Again, I won’t get into post movie …mostly cuz I’ve defended it enough but as for pre movie Krabs, he’s pretty cool. Again, not much of him here, but he’s still very important to the plot. And then we go over to The Chum Bucket, where we meet it’s owner, and our villain, Plankton, voiced by writer Mr Lawrence. He’s a short evil dude who’s evil plan is to…get the Krabby Patty formula.

Badass. He’s a very funny villain and always awesome, even to this day. Once again, we won’t get into post movie stuff as that’s where things get iffy with him and the fans. I’ll just say people hfnd more likable than Krabs now and stop it there. Let’s pretend pre-movie is still going on and say he isn’t accidentally likable, and he’s likable as a great, if pathetic.

Also he has a computer wife named Karen, voiced by Jill Tailey. Yep, he had to build his own wife, and even she doesn’t care for him. She’s snarky and hilarious. I’ve always found their relationship fascinating, and i’m glad recent episodes are going into it.

Anyway, Plankton is pissed cuz he’s never gotten his hand on that formula. He’s used all his plans, from A to Y!”

What about Z? The letter after Y?”

After some digging, plankton finds his plan Z. Then he reads it …sexually…

It’s evil. It’s diabolical! It’s lemon scented This plan z can’t possibly fail!”

There we go, plankton has his perfect plan, which we’ll see later. He goes outside to brag to himself.

And I will rule the world!”

OF COURSE!

Wait, since when did he want to take over the world? Whatever. After that, we get back to the opening of the KK 2.

MRS PUFF: We paid 9 dollars for this?

SANDY: I paid ten!

That was SB’s neurotic boating teacher, and his squirrel friend Sandy. That was Sandy’s only line, sadly. But that also I means I can skip her character!

The new manager is a loyal hard working employee. The obvious choice for the job! A name you all know. It starts with an S!”

As we all predicated it’s..

SQUIDWARD TENTACLES!”

Saw it coming. You know that gag in these kind of things where someone gets up like they will be announced but when they don’t, they still get up and it’s funny? They take it even further by having SB run up and start to give his speech.

Mr K whispers some stuff to him./

I’m making a complete what of myself?”

If you listen very closely to Mr K, you can hear him sort of say “Jackass”. You know-for kids! And I swear, that IS what he said. They just hid it very well.

And now it’s worse because i’m repeating everything you say into the microphone?”

Lampshade hanging! Anyway, SB didn’t get the job. Why did Squidward get it?

He’s more…mature than you.”

…Oh.

See…there’s a word for what you are and..”

MAN: Is it dork?

PEARL: A Goofball?

MAN 2: a dingaling

MAN 3: wingnut!

OLD LADY: Knuckle head mcspazatron!

Haw. Also, Pearl is Mr K’s daughter and that was her only line.

You’re just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man.”

Punch?

SB is crushed. This plays into some sweet character stuff, as well as the film’s main themes. I’ll explore more as we go on. But wait. Squid is more mature…but he’s also a horrible worker and he never does anything. You think Mr K would know that.

…And they follow that up with Patrick flying in butt naked on some thing and crashing into the Krusty Krab. Lovely.

Did I miss something? …Did you see my butt?”

That night, Plankton sneaks into the castle of King Neptune, voiced by Jeffory Tambor. Let’s address this. In the show, Neptune was the god as his name implies. Only here Neptune is the king of the sea and has a whole new design and actor. The creators never explained this but here’s my theory: These are different characters. This is some dude named after Neptune, while God!Neptune is the true god dude.

God Neptune popped up in the show after this, so that proves it. Some people thought they weirdly redid this character, but it’s completely different. Anyway, he’s…well kind of a dick. Again, a funny dick.

He’s talking to a guy who was imprisoned for touching his crown. …But he’s the royal crown polisher.

Well, I guess I can’t execute you. …20 years in the dungeon it is!”

Thankfully, his daughter Princess Mindy, voiced by Scarlett Johansen (it took her this long to show up on here?) frees the guy cuz she’s nice. She’s the new character we see the most, and yes, she isn’t too interesting and the casting is a tad pointless, but she’s otherwise okay.

He speaks with Mindy alone and says she must learn to be a tougher enforcer if she wants to be Queen someday.

what does this crown do?”

Covers your bald spot”

It’s not bald! It’s..thinning!”

He’s…self conscious about being bald.

One day, you will wear this crown”

I’M GONNA BE BALD?!”

Then, the crown vanishes, as Plankton has taken in and ran off. This palace has shitty security. After that, we head to Goofy Goober’s which is as kiddie as you’d expect.

We cut to the “nut bar” where Spongebob is crying. Patrick shows up and is not happy about the news. SB slinks off, until he learns Patrick is gonna order a Tripple Gooberberry sunrise. SB perks up and digs in.

They eat it…then order some more. Then more. And More. And as it does on, they end up…getting drunk. You know-for kids! But really, I love this “Getting drunk” scene. Mostly when they run up to the Goofy Goober costume guy and stuff. Drunk Spongebob is best Spongebob.

The next morning, he wakes up with a killer hangover and the waiter dude tells him to get out. Also, SB is late for work. Wah-wah. Speaking of, Neptune shows up at the Krusty Krab.

He thinks Mr K has stolen his crown.

You left one damming piece of evidence at the scene of the crime”

Whoa, he said Damn in a kid’s movie. Jackass, drunk, damn…christ, is this movie for kids or what? Anyway, said evidence is a letter simply saying “I stole you crown singed, Eugene Krabs”

…Eh, sure it wasn’t Larry the lobster?

Then they get a message on the answer machine from a guy named Clay who says Mr K sold the crown to him, and now it’s in shell city. …Eh, it could still be Larry.

Neptune is not happy. And yes, we cut to Plankton on a payphone, revealing he made that call. He sure can change his voice very well.

Mr K says he ain’t no theif, and that anyone will vouch for him. Right on cue, Drunk Spongebob enters the room.

I have worked for Mr krabs for many years and always thought he was a great boss. But I now realize he’s a great big jerk!”

Wah wah.

With that Neptune is ready to execute Mr Krabs. This snaps him out of his hangover. Spongebob tells Neptune to calm down since it’s harsh to kill someone over a crown.

He takes off his paper bag to show his bald spot which shines so much that it burns some dudes eyes.

My eyes!”

That’s this movie’s version of the show’s MY LEG gag. Anyway, SB offers to go to Shell City, but Neptune laughs that idea off. Neptune is almost ready to fry them both when Spongebob tries to protect mr K.

Thankfully, Mindy shows up to scold him. She convinces him to let Spongebob go to shell city, since he’s willing to risk his life to save his boss who recently pissed him off. I agree, that’s pretty sweet.

Neptune gives Spongebob 6 days to get the crown from Shell City. But until them, he freezes Mr Krabs. ….fine.

I WAS FROZEN TODAY!”

Also, Patrick randomly shows up. Mindy tells them that path to Shell City is dangerous, and there’s even a cyclops that guards the outskirts of the city. SB is scared by this while patrick….um…well..

She’s pretty, Spongebob”

Yeah. Proof patrick isn’t gay….he’s just bi. This is mostly just a hilarious running joke more than anything, but it’s still pretty funny. Mindy gives them a bag winds, which will take them home when they find the crown.

Don’t worry Mr Krabs. Patrick, Squidward, And I-”

Pass!”

…Patrick and I will get that crown back and save you from Neptune’s wrath. You got nothing to worry about”

Yay.

The duo heads down to the…garage and hops in THE PATTY WAGON. The only car in a nick movie that’s ever looked like a sandwich. …Except that one in Good burger.

I thought you didn’t have a driver’s licenses”

You don’t need license to drive a sandwich”

Sound logic.

With that, they head off. So that’s our plot. I think it works pretty well, as simple as it is. It gets even more interesting as we go along. Anyway, back at the Krusty Krab, Plankton easily takes the formula while krabs is frozen!

DUN DUN DUN!

So his plan was to pin this crown jacking on Mr K, and get him killed so he can take the formula. Of course he got frozen instead but he stole it all the same. But couldn’t he just have frozen the whole place with some machine anyway? Whatever.

Spongebob and Patrick stop at a gas station, but the two hillbilly dudes here just find their burger car hilarious.

Does it take mustard or ketchup?!”

Are they laughing at us?”

No patrick, they are laughing next to us”

They laugh even harder when they hear the kids are headed for Shell City. They say they won’t last 10 seconds over the county line. So they drive over it, and bump into a big dude. He then takes their car.

How many seconds was that?”

12”

In your face!”

I’m just gonna keep quoting the amazing jokes, am I?”

Meanwhile, Plankton starts selling Krabby Patty’s at the chum bucket. He claims Mr K let him do this while he was frozen. Also, he gives bucket helmets for every Patty purchase. This comes into play later…

Karen, I haven’t felt this giddy since you agreed to be my wife”

I never agreed”

Haw. Karen points out that SB and Patrick are out to get the crown. But Plankton says he hired someone to take care of them. We then cut to that guy, who has the evil name of Dennis. He’s a big badass dude on a motorcycle who won’t speak until later.

We see him at the gas station from the last scene, only he doesn’t put up with the hillbilly dudes’ shit. Nope, he rips their lips off. Of course. And yes, Dennis is a hitman. A FAMILY PICTURE!

Also, there’s an Adventure time episode where Ice King, who is voiced by Tom Kenny, sends a hitman after finn and jake. Guess he wanted to finally be on the other side of the hitman.

Anyway, SB and Patrick are out in the dessert, tired as all hell. But just then they find their car….parked in front of a bad guy bar. Wah wah.

They peek inside the “Thug Tug” which is as badass as a kid’s movie will allow. They see the thug from earlier and now they have to get in and get the key. Patrick is sent in to make a distraction while SB gets the key from the dude’s pocket.

His distraction is to request fro everyone’s attention, and after a long silence, ask where the bathroom is. I don’t have anything snarky here except THAT’S MY PATRICK. *Sitcom music plays*

They two talk in the bathroom and Spongebob is pissed the distraction wasn’t very good. But while washing his hands, he makes bubbles. And they like bubbles so…

BUBBLE PARTY”

FUCKING BUBBLES~

They fool around with the bubbles into one floats into the main room and…

WHO BLEW THIS BUBBLE?”!

Uh-oh.

All bubble blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able bodied patron in the bar”

They try to escape, but they get caught up in their Baby hunt. The leader guy makes them all line up, and plays a song no baby can resiest singing…the goofy goober song. Wah-wah.

One tense bit later, they almost crack…but some other dude does instead. Some guy who two heads…for some reason. So they beat him…them…up and our heroes sneak out. Some could call this scene pointless, I call it hilarious. Plus, it’s pretty much a road trip movie so we need stuff like this. Also, they got their car back in the scuffle so there.

Back in Bikini Bottom. Squidward loves that SB isn’t here to enjoy Spongebob not being here. But then he sees everyone with those bucket helmets. He quickly figures it was plantation, and he’s the only dude in this city to know that this is part of Plankton’s evil plan.

He bursts into the Chum Bucket and says he knows about Plankton’s big plan with the crown. I have to say, it’s cool that squidward actually cares about The Krsty Krab and the formula like this. …Granted, he just wants his paycheck ,but still.

You made one fatal mistake! You messed with my paycheck! And I’m gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, king Neptune!”

Badass. Well, it is until Plankton uses his…other part of the plan. He actives…the mind control Helmets.

ALL HAIL PLANKTON!”

DUN DUN DUN!

So there’s his full plan. Steal the crown, pin it on Krabs, get him killed, the formula, and mind control everyone so he can take over the city. Why he needed the last part is beyond, but it’s cool. His mind slaves attack squidward, and we cut back to Spongebob and Patrick.

They are now out in this weird place that has a shit ton of bones. Suddenly, Patrick notices a free ice cream stand run by a nice old lady. In the middle of bone land. Makes sense.

So Spongebob heads there to get ice cream while Patrick stays in the car. He grabs the Ice cream,…until the lady turns out to be the tongue of a huge red creature.

Saw it coming.

Don’t ask about how it’s possible for a big non talking red creature to get a bit of his tongue to talk as an old lady. Just repeat to yourself “It’s just a show, I should really just relax”.

They get in their car start a chase scene. We also get a brief bit where Dennis shows up at the Thug tug and kicks the leader dude’s ass. Awesome.

Eventually, the two just jump out of the car and the monster eats it. But…it’s as the car goes over A TRENCH and a big giant eel monster comes out and eats the creature.

sb movie

Yep, that’s my reaction too.

So now they are up shit creek as the road is on the other side of this deep dark trench at the bottom of the ocean. They take a peek in the trench and saw some awful creatures.

Spongebob turns around.

I’m going home. We’ll never survive in that trench! This is man’s country. We’re just kids”

Damn, this is heavy. Patrick tries to convince him they are not kids. But as SB points out, they blow bubbles, eat ice cream, and worship a dancing peanut!

Then that hits Patrick’s and he start crying. It’s here where I feel pretty damn for these guys, as this is all true. …But then Mindy shows up for some encouragement.

Let’s not question how long it took her to get here.

Did you see my underwear?”

No patrick.”

…Did you want to?”

Ew.

They are kid’s but they are the last ones that can get that crown. Plankton has fully taken over and turned everyone into his slave. Neptune is too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. Well, that’s one way to write him out.

What’s wrong with being a kid anyway? Kid’s rule!”

Good point, but clearly these two don’t see it. So Mindy thinks of something to get their spirits up. So she says she will use her mermaid magic to turn them into men. Not in the way Patrick is hoping, sadly.

She just makes them shut their eyes, and she slaps some literal seaweed mustaches on them. Now THEY ARE MEN! PUNCH!

Now can you make it to shell city?”!

Heck yeah!”

Are men afraid of anything?”

HECK NO!”

‘And why?”

BECUASE WE’RE INVINCIBLE!”

I never said that”

she shouts as the two jump right in the trench . Awesome. Thankfully, they land thanks to some big stalk thingy.

We are invinceible”

And this launches into a song! Yep, the first real song song. And it’s AWESOME. It’s called “Now that we’re men” and it’s about how…well the fact that they are men .It’s incredibly catchy and even funny, a the visuals have them going through this trench of monster and somehow surviving with even trying.

Now that we’re men”

We have facial hair”

‘Now that we’re men”

I changed my underwear!”

This is song is very catchy and it’s just awesome. Near the end, a big monster picks them up but./..the two start ham boning which confuses the monster and even gets the others to start watching.

Wow, Rigby was right year before he even said it.

After that, the monsters join them and start singing. It’s awesome. They sing the very end as the two make it out of the trench. Best trench scene ever!

We made it past everything, even the hideous disgusting monsters”

Offended, the monsters go back in the trench. Wah wah. So with that, they are close to Shell City. They take a step forwards…but bump into Dennis.

Yep, he’s finally caught up with them.

Finally, I got you right where I want you”

And he’s voiced by Alec Baldwin. Odd choice but damn ,he’s surprisingly scary in this role. As doug Walker once said, he goes a good job at playing a slimy, detestable creature. Again, a step from the last time we saw him.

He’s mostly just a bad guy but Alec makes Dennis truly badass and scary. He doesn’t seem to scare them though, since they are MANLY MEN.

At least until he rips off their mustaches and the two find out they were never men. Again, wah wah.

What are you gonna do to us?”

Plankton was very specific. For some reason he wanted me to step on you!”

Step on us?”

Yeah, that way you’ll never found out that he stole the crown!”

Way to go, genius. Deciding he’s said too much, he gets out his spiky boots and get ready to stomp on them for good.

Don’t worry…this will only hurt a lot!”

Told ya he’s great in this role. …And then a big real life boot stomps on him. So the two are saved! …Wait…BIGGER BOOT?!

We pan up to see that’s a diver dude…or in other words….the cyclops. DUN DUN DUN! He’s in live action instead of animation, and the next chunk of the movie becomes a hybrid. But it’s done very very well.

The duo tries to run away, but the cyclops sadly captures them. In the next scene, SB and Patrick wake up in a weird place, full of artistically colored rocks. They are in some kind of fish bowl.

The place outside is full of …dead fish. The Cyclops takes a clam and uses various stuff to make a tacky knick knack.

He’s killing sea animals and making them into smelly Knick Knacks!”

DUN DUN DUN!

I have to say, this is a pretty clever idea they have here. Plus this guy is a badass villain, even if he never talks. Before they know it, the dude takes them out of the fishbowl and puts them under a lamp.

The heat is so intestine that they can’t move.

This doesn’t look too good, Pat”

You mean we’re not gonna get the crown ,save the town, and mr krabs”

I don’t we’re even gonna save ourselves, buddy”

Damn, this movie is heavy when it wants to be.

It looks like what everybody said about us was true pat. We’re just kids. Kids who get in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start! I mean look at us. We didn’t even come close to the crown. We let everybody down”

GODDAMN IT! I saw this in theaters when it came out. I was probably around 9 or so. And this whole scene pretty much got to me, got how heavy, sad, and depressing it is. And guess what? IT GETS WORSE.

Patrick sees sign that reads…Shell City: Marine gifts and sundries. Shell City is the on-land Knick Knack shop! And the yep, the crown is right over there. How they never noticed is beyond me.

Pat, we did make it!”

Yay! But..wait, they are gonna die.

Not bad for a couple of goofballs”

…They don’t care. They made it to shell city, and beat the odds. That’s all that matter. They are gonna die in peace. And….they sing the goofy goober song in an incredibly slow, sad way.

As soon as they finish singing, they dry up and turn live out. …..DAY-UM! NEPTUNE THIS IS FUCKING DEPRESSING! As if the part where they mourn their stuff wasn’t bad, now they realize they made it AND they fully accept death because they will die as heroes!

That is some DAMN heavy stuff for a kid’s- no scratch that. For a movie in general. Hot DAMN. Spongebob has gotten heavy before but this is some sad, tragic stuff here. I’m not quite crying but it hit me even harder than when I was 9!

This I so sad that the pirates from the opening are crying in the theater! Oh yeah, they are back. Then the parrot points out something on the screen and they vanish again.

Yeah see, when they sung sadly they both cried and had single tears go down the table thingy. A little over the top but alright.

And now here, the tear from each one combines to make one tear. The tear goes down a power cord, hits an an outlet, causes smoke, turns on the sprinklers, and the water brings the two back to life.

That is so ridiculous, so over the top and so STUPID…that I can’t even argue with it. It’s so dumb it’s AWESOME.

They get to the crown but face the cyclops. But suddenly, the water makes ALL the fish in the place come back to life. That makes even less sense but okay.

All the angry fish then fight back in a badass way. SB and Patrick escape with the crown. That was an awesome scene all around. But we have close to 20 minutes left, so there’s more.

So they get down to the beach and break out that bag of winds. Sb reads the instructions, and Pat does them…even though SB didn’t want him to do it for real until after they read the instructions. Which is an issue cuz Pat just pulls the string on the bag, making it fly away from them and…now they have no way home.

Way to go, dumbass. Now how will they get back home?

I can take you there”

Huh?

sb movie 2

/

I’m David Hasselhoff”

Oh, duh. Should have seen that coming. What you are seeing if the funniest pointless cameo EVER. It doesn’t make sense but who cares?! It’s a step up from Hop at any rate.

You know, Spongebob is EXTREMELY popular in Germany. So I imagine this scene was like a wet dream to the Germans.

Anyway, Hasselhoff of course plans to swim them to Bikini Bottom himself, with the strength of ten men. Back in Bikini Bottom, it’s the day of Mr Krab’s execution. Time is running out while Hasselhoff speeds like a motorboat.

Literally, he’s speeding in the way a motorboat would. So things are going well…until a big boot pops up from behind. And who steps off but Dennis? Fuck yeah, he’s back! How is not important.

What is important is that Neptune is the KK, ready to kill Mr Krabs. Thankfully, Mindy is here to stall him in a hilarious way. She stalls by literally arguing with him over if she is stalling or not.

Patrick, run!”

No, I’m tired of running”

Hell yea- and he gets his pink ass handed to him. Whatever. But Spongebob is still ready to fight…or run away. But he does awesomely jump from one leg to another to escape Dennis. Which works until Dennis pop up on that side.

You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip ’em out of ya”

Well, it’s too late as Dennis has Spongebob right where he wants him. However, Spongebob wards him off with bubbles (FUCKING BUBBLES) to the eyes.

My eyes!”

Whoa, brick joke.

Dennis is extra pissed….but before he can finish them off, he smacks right into…some fishing….thingy. I don’t know what it is, but it’s some thingy right in the middle there which ends him. Sort of anti-climatic, but it works in it’s own way.

A little bit later, David gets them right to Bikini Atoll, with Bikini Bottom right below. But how will they float down in time?

Who said anything about floating”

David then completely stands up in the water (HASSELHOFF IS JESUS) and sticks the two between his pecs. Then like a rocket he shoots them down into the water. So ends the best cameo ever!

Spongebob and Patrick shoot right down just as Neptune is about to finally kill Mr Krabs. They officially make it back with the crown, and Mr Krabs is now saved. Neptune also finally gets his crown back.

So things are wrapping up- wait why is Plankton slow slapping?

My parade will be perfectly dry under…my umbrella!”

He flips a switch and a giant mind control Helmet lands on King Keptune.

All Hail Plankton”

DUN DUN DUN! Wait, why didn’t he do that before? Whatever, it’s a clever way to work in a bigger climax.

The other helmet controlled slaves surround our heroes.

I’m an evil genius, and you’re just a kid”

…I guess you’re right, I am just a kid”

Well, it looks like he finally gave up. End of movie?

I’ve been through a lot in the past 6 days. And if i’ve learned anything during that time it’s that you are, who you are. No amount of Mermaid magic, Managerial promotion, or some other 3rd thing, can make me more than I really am inside, a kid”

…Wait, where are you going with this, dude?

I did what everyone said a kid couldn’t do! I made it to shell city, I beat the cyclops, I rode the hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back! So yeah., I’m a kid. And goofball, a wingnut, and a knucklhead mcspazatron!”

Before he …does a certain thing, I must stop and address the lesson here. From the way things are going, it seems like it’s building to a lesson about how you should grow and mature. After all, SB couldn’t get his overall goal earlier since he isn’t mature.

But here they push a different moral, where Spongebob did not change or grow. To some, well one guy I saw, this may seem like it’s saying you should never grow and be stupid and immature forever. But that’s not what i’m seeing here.

It’s saying that’s it’s okay to be immature sometimes. It’s fine to act like a kid again. Like he said, he did everything they said a kid couldn’t do. So you can’t let being a kid stop you from doing shit. And again, the “it’s okay to be immature” lesson is there too.

It can be seen as the wrong message, but look at the way things go. The mature people in this movie are dicks (Squidward, Krabs), Evil (Plankton), or just not right in the head. (Neptune.). The only sane mature person is Mindy and she’s teaching this lesson.

And the people who ironically get the good stuff done are the immature ones. You do need to grow up of course, We all do. But never forget the kid inside, and again, it IS okay to be a little imamature.

This lesson usually applies to actual kid’s, but SB Is an adult. So maybe the “Don’t grow up” aspect is more evident than I say. But I say this lesson works in a different considering the way the characters are. The way the film is setting this up sort of contradicts the actual message, but it works.

It’s not perfect and the message they were trying to send perhaps got a tiny bit muddled, but I like this. It’s not exactly a big message film, but it’s a very sweet element that I like.

ANYWAY, you were saying Spongebob?

I’m….I’M A GOOFY GOOBER!”

Wait, what?

Yeah, how can I explain this? Um….Spongebob suddenly gains a badass voice and breaks into a parody of “I wanna rock” called “Goofy Goober rock”. He gets music powers and dances around doing badass shit.

And in the middle of the song, he suddenly gets a wizard outfits and a badass guitar that sends beam that beak of Plankton’s helmets as they can’t handle this rock and roll. Plankton can’t either as Neptune’s Helmet is broken. He tries to leave but some dudes stomp on him.

.This is such a Deus Ex machina, and it comes right out of nowhere and it makes no sense. But HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME! Much like the sprinklers, or Hasselhoff, it is an incredibly cheap random way to resolve it but it’s so AWESOME that you can’t argue.

This movie did the impossible and made us tolerate obvious cops outs. By making it so stupid/.weird/awesome that I can’t argue with it. It’s not like in a bad movie where so many dumb things happen that you stop arguing. Here, it’s part of this movie’s awesome charm.

It knows it’s insanely stupid and ridiculous, but it doesn’t care. How can I bitch about a random Guitar doing this when it’s THAT awesome? Oh, and during the song, he says this:

Put your Toys away.”

Well, All I gotta say when you tell me not to play..”

I say no way!”

No No Freakin’ way.”

I think was the first time I saw them say “Freakin’ in a kid’s show. Now Regular show and Haunting Hour say it willy nilly. Sadly, they edited it for the CD version.

So anyway, they scrap Plankton off and haul him away. Neptune now sees that Mindy’s compassion for the sea creatures is a good thing, and apologizes for being a dick.

He even unfreezes Mr Krabs, and thanks Spongebob for saving the day. MR Krabs also apologizes for what he did. So of course, he presents Spongebob with…the manager job! But wait, SB has to saying something.

SQUIDWARD: I know what it is. After going on your life changing journey,, you realize you don’t want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.

Aww, Squidward that’s-

SPONGEBOB: I was just gonna tell you that your fly was down! This is the greatest day of my life!

Oh. Heh. Wait, he doesn’t even wear pants. Whatever. He grabs the pin, goes a freeze frame..and roll credits Tad rushed, but I can live. 74 minutes is perfect for this kind of movie.

And in the credits, we see SB doing the same crap he did before, but with a manager’s pin. Haw. And then there’s a post credits scene where the pirates from the opening are still hanging out in the theater, just talking.

The usher asks them to leave…and they politely do. Heh. NOW, it’s the end.

Final Thoughts:

As a kid, this was the first movie I ever got hyped for. Obviously I had seen movies I was interested in before. But this was the first I was hyped for a movie like everyone is today. As I’ve said before this show was essaitrnly my childhood, so it makes sense this movie would look cool to me.

I didn’t see it opening day (November 19th, 2004) but I saw on thanksgiving (The Thursday after) and I LOVED it. I got on DVD when it came out, and I watched it a lot. I’ve since lost the DVD but I can always get it again.

This is the film I’ve seen the most. I actually counted TWENTY viewings back then, until I stopped. I’ve sen some films a lot, but never this much. I don’t see it as much anymore, but still.

Where am I going with this? Just a fancy way of saying this movie kicks ASS. On it’s own, its’ pretty good. The story is fairly simple but it’s not aggrievedly cliché or boring. It has interesting aspects like Shell City, and they throw it some clever ideas.

The characters are all likable, with Spongebob being insanely love-able, and Patrick getting some big laughs. The voice is great as well, All the minor characters get some good jobs, mostly squid ward. The new characters work out fine. Neptune is very funny and Jeffory Tambor is excellent.

Dennis is a badass, and Mindy is alright. She is sort of flat, but she’s cool and has some amusing lines. They know what characters from the show to keep the focus on and which ones to push aside. I know fans what everyone character but for the sake of the story, you must only keep like a few.

The animation is very well done, but it’s not gonna change 2d animation or anything. It’s a little jarring next to the show, especially with SB’s design, but I can live with that.

The sweet elements work well, as you feel for these people, and some scenes really hit hard. That “Death” scene is still awesome. The overall theme and message is strong without getting in the way of the story or humor. I already had my spiel on how the message IS good and how it works, so I can’t go into it again.

And of course, it’s very funny. There are one or two clunkers that I skipped, but other than that, it’s hilarious. There are many laugh out loud moments, from visuals to dialogue. And they even throw in stuff like Hasselhoff that is so out there and great.

It’s about as good as it could have been. They translated the show to the big screen perfectly, with funny jokes and characters. The plot is a bit epic but in this case, I can deal with it. So on it’s own, it’s very good, even with dumb aspects.

But this movie is GREAT because of it’s connection with me. Both the show, and the movie made up my childhood. This movie represents everything regarding my . It has everything the show had, and it really gets to me.

When the credits rolled, I had the greatest feeling. Stop me if that’s too mushy. I just revisited my childhood again and it was glorious. Things changed after the movie, I admit that. But through all of this…Spongebob is still part of me, and it’s still Spongebob.

I don’t stick with it cuz i’m clinging to childhood. Well, it’s part of it, but I do actually like most of the stuff going on. Joey from The Cartoon Palooza seems to agree with me on the show’s current quality. Hell, Season 7 marked a new “golden age” so to speak.

So maybe that’s why I’m glad this movie was picked for the 100th. I was able to completely share the film that represents my childhood. The show that got me into animation and lead to bigger and better things.

I won’t rant on post movie hate this time. I’ll just say Spongebob clearly means more to me than most. And that’s okay. I love this show and this movie is perfect for me.

And as this movie has clearly taught me, it’s okay to be like a kid again.

Grade: A

But that’s not the end of Spongebob in cinema. After a mere 11 year,s we will FINALLY see a sequel in 2015. February 13th to be exact. Which…is a Friday. Whoops. There is no word on the plot or anything, but I hope it continues the story from this movie.

Current show runner Paul Tibbit will direct, with Hilenberg producing. Like the first one, there will be live action scenes, which will directed by Mike mitchell…who did Chipwrecked. Eh, I can live.

This time, it will be written by the writer of Kung fu panda….and the Alvin and the chipmunks sequels. Okay, this isn’t the best sign. But…kung fu panda! Hopefully, this will be great.

And it’s the only 2d animated film in the works at all right now. So if this movie does well, we might see MORE again, as well as film’s based on current animated shows. So the future of 2D animation…rests on Spongebob. No pressure!

So that was my 100th review. I’ve loved doing this for you all, and I hope to keep doing reviews until I die. This was a great way to celebrate 100 reviews. Here’s to 100 more!

See ya.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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