Goddammit, another Buddies movie
Hello, Spongey here. Last time, I looked at the first Air Bud spin off movie, Air Buddies. Want backstory? Read that review, okay? Long story short, there was a movie about a dog, and now there’s a whole series about his puppies and also they talk.
It’s the world’s most pointless franchise, but people keep buying them so more keep getting made. Air Buddies was pretty damn bad, so i’n not hyped for the next one. The next film is “Snow Buddies” ,where the buddies go to Alaska or something.
I wanted to review that…but it wasn’t anywhere online, and the only TV airing was a day out of my way. Also I lost my remote and I can’t find it, so I would be impossible to do the review off the TV. I may do that one next, or soon, but I can’t.
So I’m skipping to one I was interested in it/ We’ve seen a toaster to go space, so why not dogs? Oh yeah cuz it’s the dumbest idea ever.
Air Bud is pretty much gone by this point, as Snow buddies is the last Buddy movie to feature him. So now this is just a regular kid’s movie instead of an Air bud movie. Yay.
This one has the dumbest idea ever, but I’m so curious to know just how the hell it even happens. Not much to introduce, let’s just get into it.
This, is Space Buddies
The film starts with the classic new disney logo. Awesome logo but it also depressed me cuz the Disney logo is in front of…THIS.
The movie proper opens IN SPAAAAAAAACE with narration by a russian dude. We see some dog in a ship or whatever, longing to be with his master on Earth.
We see Buddah aka Potentially Offensive Bud, with his master Sam, whose actor was once in a good Haunting Hour episode. Actors always end up in good things, and sadly bad things.
Tomorrow, Sam is going on a school field trip to Vision Enterprises to watch a test launch of the Vision 1 space craft. Buddah wants to go but sorry, no pets allowed. They see a shooting star, and instead of wishing for better acting abilities, he wishes to one day touch the moon.
The next morning we see Sam and his house are as potentially offensive to Buddhists as Buddah himself. What a stupid coincidence. By the way, most of the dogs have had their voice actors change, cuz even they knew a trainwreck when they saw one.
Only B-Dawg/White Gangsta Bud, Budderball/Fat bud were the only ones that stayed the same. We see Rosebud/Girl Bud (now voiced by Myrtle from Lilo And Stitch/Panini from Chower with her girl power owner, before Buddah shows up to get her.
Fat bad is with a rich owner who has a chef, of course, and they pick him while he is eating. White Gansgta bud with with his KEWL owner until the others pick him up.
“What’s the hip hop happening, home dogs?”
They also get mudbud/Generic bud who loves dirt, but lives with a very clean owner. Oh the irony! Anyway, all the dogs meet up cuz they plan to stowaway on the bus to the field trip destination.
They are in the very back, behind the backpacks but I still question how no one could know the puppies are there.
We cut to Vision Enterprises as we see a bunch dudes talking to some other dudes about the Vision 1 space craft. The other guys (maybe government dudes? I don’t know) are kind of dicks to the Vision guys. The leader of the guys is Dr Finkle is so not the villain. Nope.
The leader of the Vision guys is Pi (?), played by Bill Faggerbake. PATRICK WHY.
They talk about the ship is going to the moon and back or whatever. This is the stuff you see in kid’s movies that don’t know a lot about actual space stuff or whatever. Anyway, Dr Finkel is leading the group of kids on their tour.
He tells the kids that Vision’s goal is to make space travel accessible for everyone, even the family pet. Seeing as this came out, and thus takes place in, 2009, you’d think they would never have the tech to put non-trained familes and animals into space for another 20 years or so.
Hell, the pet is a bad idea. If it drops a load, you are fucked.
Sam walks away from the group and ends up in a room that makes a space suit specifically for his body. It’s cuz of this device that scans people and puts them in a suit for them. The group is right there so Finkel tells him to step away from the device.
The hiding dogs (that no sees for some reason) step on the device and get their own space suits. Of course it can make suits for dogs. Then the fat one farts. Lovely. After doing the obligatory slow motion walk, they run out of the room and head to the launch pad for some reason. They could have just tried to follow the group but whatever.
The dogs plan to have a quick look inside the ship then leave to watch the launch. Guess hey didn’t hear the voice essentially saying ‘HEY FUCKERS THE SHIP IS LAUNCHING IN LIKE A MINUTE”
They head inside the ship. Okay, this place has the WORST SECURITY EVER. Before they can leave, the airlock closes and they are forced to strap in for launch instead of barking to let the guys know they are there.
With that, the ship launches into space and they will now be the first dogs in space. And that is how the dog’s get into space. That’s…incredibly lazy and contrived. But I can’t expect anything less from Space Buddies.
So yeah they are in space, and they goof around in zero gravity. Back at the base, they discover that the ship is low on fuel. They have 10 hours until it runs out. I have to wait 10 hour for the dogs to get stranded forever? Dammit.
The guys look it up and it turns out there is an old Russian space station they can refuel at. But the thing is, it went down years ago. Though this lady says they checked out and there are many theories that it might still be in space.
It changed it’s position, which is why no one could find it. You try to figure out a way this makes no sense, cuz i’m tired.
Well, it turns out it was correct as they contact the cosmonaut who still lives there alone. Wow, that was so easy I wonder why it took so damn long to find this place. Anyway, they talk to a russian dude name Yuri, –
NO NOT THAT KIND OF YURI=
played by Diedrich Bader. And I thought Meet the spartans was the low point in his career.
Instead of asking him what it’s like living in space alone or anything like that, they ask for a refuel and he says yes. He also tells them not to tell anyone he is there cuz….i don’t know. Of course a real smart guy would take the space stranded dude anyway, but whatever.
So they pilot the ship into the station. While Yuri refuels, the dogs explore the station. They then bump into the dog from the opening. This is Spudnik, voiced by Jason Earles. This movie was just an amazing career choice for everybody.
He just talks about the station itself instead of answering any questions I have right now. But he does take them to the kitchen, where Fat bud eats.
“Where’s the beef?”
I hate you.
He explains that they were supposed to be here for a 6 month mission, but it’s been much longer. Yuri shows up and discovers the buddies. He’s happy cuz he thinks the american’s gave him some puppies to keep him company in space.
He runs off and traps them in the kitchen, for some reason. Anyway, Yuri seems content up here for whatever reason. With 11 minutes left in refueling, Yuri has a russian dance party, which the guys at base are not happy with,
“These are gonna be the longest 11 minutes of my life”
Change that to 80, and i’ll agree.
Anyway, Spudnik gets the buddies out of the Kitchen, and he wants to tag along with them. But Yuri sees the dogs running away and puts the station into lockdown. But they make it back to the ship anyway, so whatever.
Yuri tries to stop them, banging on the control switches. However, some sparks drop on the gas, causing an explosion. Ever thought you would see a buddies movie where someone outruns an explosion? Well, not me. This easily makes this better than Air Buddies.
Yuri escapes using the escape pod, while the dogs blast off into space in their crappy CG spaceship. Anyway, the ship is headed to the moon. Maybe they’ll bump into Nightmare moon and she’ll kill them all.
Also the kid’s find out the dogs are gone and are sad. They do the “Kids miss dogs” crap twice in one series? Crud…
That night, in the ship, there is a forced sad that’s almost a trademark of these movies by now. So the next day they finally land on the movie. That’s one small step for man,and one giant backwards leap in intelligence for the audience.
They step outside the ship and become the first dogs on the moon.
“One small step for dog, one giant leap for dogkind”
Fuck you, mine was better.
Back at the base, they think the dogs on the moon are alien lifeforms. Really. They had no way to see that there are fucking dogs on the ship, and now on the moon? I expect this stupidity from Patrick here, but not the other guys!
Thankfully, they zoom in and see that these are dogs walking on the world’s must unconvincing green screen, I mean Moon. They still don’t freak out at DOG’S ON THE MOON and try to find a way to get the dog’s back to the ship.
So Patrick’s pet ferret, Gravity, voiced by Amy Sedaris, (Another repeat actor, cuz she was in Shrek 3) contacts the buddies and tells them to get back to the ship.
Well, that was easy. Anyway, they ship blasts off, but back on earth, the media gets a tip from someone that the puppies were sent off into space. This leads to a news montage of various outlets in other countries reporting this.
Through this there is a brief cut to a bar that has a Mexican in a poncho along with some Chihuahuas. Racism, ahoy!
The owner’s of the buddies show up at the base saying that they own the space dogs. They head in and talk to the Vision guys. While they are busy, Dr Finkle changes the trajectory of the ship, leading to an asteroid belt.
57 minutes of literally no conflict or story, and suddenly we have bad guy putting in some forced conflict. Don’t you love it when that happens?
The ship has an auto…thingy so it doges the asteroids in the only exciting sequence since the EXPLOSION. And…after half a minute, they make it past the asteroids. Wow, that was too easy. Guess Finkel wasn’t smart enough to remember the auto thingy.
But then an meteor takes out the Antenna, and thus their compunctions system. Wah wah. That means they can’t control the ship as it flies to earth. The news breaks out as we got another “Sad” scene as the whole mourns the loss of the space dogs.
So Spudnik attaches the dogs to this thingy so they can out and fix the damage themselves.
“Which is one the left paw?”
FUNNY JOKE ALERT.
So the dogs float out into what is so totally not space. Well, it’s only Fat bud who goes out cuz fat guys are trustworthy in this situation. Fat bud has to scratch, which makes his so suit fly all crazy. This depletes their fuel so he can’t move.
Once again, Fatty mcfatfuck ruins everything;
The ship has a robot arm, which they can use to move his body close to where he needs to fix the ship. But instead, they use it to…pull on paw, thus making him fart. His farts give him enough fuel to go over and fix the ship.
Makes sense to me!
So Fat Bud goes to the crooked antenna and…fixes it. Huh, that was easy. Wait, if the robot arms could pull his paw, why couldn’t they fix the ship?
Whatever, the ship is fixed and we’re on minute 66 of 80. Anyway, the guys at base see from a log that someone changed their course. One the kids reveals it was Dr Finkel.
He denies it, but the kid pulls out Finkel’s USB drive, which he dropped right next to the control panel. Yet another “smart” villain does something dumb.’
They then look at the security cameras to see that he indeed did it. Again, what an idiot. Then the security guys take him away.
Wow, that was one pathetic villain defeat. He barely did anything but make weak conflict, and he gets dragged away just as easily. Wow.
So the mission is back on track. But wait, we need more weak conflict! So uh..let’s have Yuri come back in his escape pod and…the pod is gonna crash into them! Yeah, that works.
The buddies are able to get out of the way, but …well an escape pod flying into the earth is gonna create a lot of fire, which is not good. …But the buddies don’t see it, and neither does base. They just care about landing the ship.
The most talented actor gets the boot, of course. Anyway, the puppies crash into the earth and die, the end.
Sigh, I wish. Nope, they land safely. Everybody at base goes outside and greets the dogs as heroes, even though they fucked things up for everybody.
Also the buddies find out Gravity is a ferret and whatever. Oh, and the buddies reunite with their owners. That’s important too. AND, Yuri lands in russia and is dragged away by some guys. Thanks, you waste of Deidrech bader’s talent!
So yeah, they have a parade in the puppies honor.
“Here we are…Space Buddies!”
Anyway, Spudnik is reunited his (male) owner Sasha. Wait, Yuri looked he was up there for a awhile yet, Spudnik’s owner looks about 12. Does Yuri just go crazy after only like a year?
That night, Buddah brings a moon rock (don’t ask) to his owner. Also, Spudnik say this:
“It was the journey and the friendship I made that matter the most”
Slapped on moral FTW!
The. Freaking. END.
GOOD NEWS: It’s better than Air Buddies.
BAD NEWS: It still sucks.
It’s not nearly as tedious, or cliché filled as Air buddies, but it’s still very lazy. The reason the buddies go to space is very contrived, but I expected that.
The story is almost nonexistent, as nothing really happens. The buddies go through space…and do stuff. They bump into Yuri and pick up Jason Earles, but that’s the closest to excitement you are going to get.
The laziest part is when they slap a villain on there only to get rid of them just as fast. That stuff reached Air buddies level of laziness.
The acting is better this time around, but the kids are pretty bad. The characters are even blanker slates this time, as there is no real emotional backbone except with Spudnick. It’s just a very empty experience.
With that, it should be worse than Air Buddies, but it’s not cliched or anywhere near as tedious. It’s bad, but I didn’t hate it as much. I don’t much else to say other than…It’s stupid.