Hello, Spongey here.
Well, it’s time to do yet another movie i’ve been wanting to do for awhile. Well, not so much this movie so much as this entire franchise.
It all started with a simple 1997 comedy about a dog who is allowed to play Basketball. It was stupid, but harmless. The movie was huge hit, so it got a sequel where the dog pays football. It was also stupid.
Then that one was a hit, so they made a few more sequels, this time direct to video. But in one of the movies, Air Bud bangs a chick and has puppies. The puppies were somewhat popular….so in 2006, it happened.
They green lit an entire spinoff series…starring the buddies. The Air Buddies. Now the puppies were the stars, and Air bud was just there. But then he vanished after like two movies.
There are currently 6 buddies movies, with TWO spin off movies about this Santa Paws dude. So we have a movie that spawned a spin off series…which got it’s OWN spin off series. Talk about a cash cow franchise.
I have no idea how these things keep getting made. They look incredibly stupid cash grabs with no effort put into them. Hell, they even ruined the first movie by having a commentary on the new DVD with the buddies.
That’s like having a Commentary for Star Was with Jar Jar, for god’s sake. However, I’ve never seen any of these movies. And with “Super Buddies” coming out, I figured i’d cover all of them…in order.
Don’t worry, I won’t do the next one right away. I have to space them out to give me SOME sanity. So let’s start off with the first of this pointless spin off series.
This, is Air Buddies
The movie opens with some narration by…Don knotts, in his last role. Daamnit, now he’s in ever growing list of actors whose list film was shitty.
“As you probably already know, Cornfrield is home of the famous air bud”
If we know it, why are you explaining it?
He basically recaps the first few Air bud movies. He then gets the part wehre Bug has puppies and he goes through the puppy roll call: Mudbud, Budderball, Rosebud. Buddah, and B-Dawg,. That last one pisses me off once you remember what that is referencing.
Or as I like to call them: Generic Bud, Fat Bud, Girl Bud, Potentially Offensive Bud, and White Ganstga Bud.
Anyway, Don Knots plays Sniffer, the dog to the town’s sheriff. He takes us to the home of the buddies who live with some kid named Noah, who can’t act for shit. Noah was the baby brother from the first Air Bud, since Josh grew up and the other chick must have grown up since the last Air Bud.
Which means Buddy here should be much older. Whatever since more than 10 years have passed in the air bud films.
He, his parents, Air bud, are off to a basketball game leaving Jane Carr here to puppy sit the buddies.
And then the buddies talk to themselves. Yep, the dogs talk in this spin off series, betraying the entire point of the franchise. Yay! The only notable actor for the buddies is Abagail Breslin, who voices Rosebud. Also the dog lip movements blow dick.
“This game’s gonna be off the chain insane!”
Ugh. The buddies really want to go to the game, but not if the nanny has anything to say about it. She tries to make them take a nap, but of course they aren’t happy. As they walk around, they show off her (one note) personalities. Buddah talks about inner-peace and budderball..
“I don’t know about inner-peace but I want a piece of that pizza”
It’s funny cuz he’s fat.
The nanny falls asleep ,which gives them the chance to escape. …Or play a game, whatever works. Also they tie the nanny up with yarn for some reason.
After their game, Budderball tries to get some pie from the counter.
“Have I told you lately you’re my main pup”
It’s physically painful to hear them talk.
This pie eating wakes the nanny up, but she’s tied up so it’s all good. At least until Noah and his parents show up. When they do, pratfalls ensue cuz of the yarn. How did they do it without thumbs anyway?
It’s cuz of this that they figure that should give the buddies away to a new owner. Dad equate this to Noah’s siblings going to college. Which means this all set up for COLLEGE BUDDIES!
Also Air bud can talk to. So can Molly, and she’s voice by Molly (HARDY HAR) Shannon. They are okay with the buddies leaving cuz all parents want their kids out of the house, let’s be honest.
“But I already got my love for my peeps right here!”
B-dawg, shut up.,
What I don’t get is why the buddies are still puppies. They are born in Air Bud 3, grow up in Air Bud 4, vanish in Air Bud 5 and suddenly here, they are puppies again! Maybe it’s a new batch and the old ones died or something.
Hell, it’s a miracle Air bud is still alive after 10 years since Air bud one. After a sickeningly sweet night scene, we cut to a place where we see a guy with an eyepatch and a cane.
Gee, I wonder who the villain is.
This guy is Selkirk Tander who is with this kid named Barnaby. For his birthday, he gives him a tiger. I will say this villain is somewhat delightfully over the top, as cliché as he is.
“I want air bud!”
And I want good kid acting, but we can’t always get what we want.
Anyway ,this kid is the son of a dude the villain is hanging with. Mr Livngston here wants Air Bud, but the bad guys warns it would be expensive.
“Just get me air bud so my son can be happy for once!”
There you go, the most cliché reason for why the villain wants Air bud…only it’s not for his kid so why bother. So he tells his fat henchman and skinny henchman to get Air bud. Before I can enjoy life, we cut back to the annoying buddies the next morning.
So we get an owner audition montage, which works out as well as you’d expect. Eventually they find a family for each pup, which does not please the buddies.
We cut to the two henchman, one of which is serious, while the other is goofy. Can this movie get anymore cliché? And we cut back to the mom telling the kid everything will be okay. Again, it’s sickeningly sweet. Bah.
That night, the henchman arrive at the house. Right away, Air bud shows up outside cuz he just…wanted some air? Then Molly pops, which confuses them as they don’t know which is air Bud.
You think they could tell the difference between the clearly male Air bud in the picture, and a clearly female dog.
So they end up staying there all night cuz they are idiots. The next day, one of the pups gets the idea to to run away, cuz running away solves everything. They all agree to to even when the Budaah one at first doesn’t’ want to.
So they try to leave, but Fatty Mcfat fuck has trouble climbing a desk. One dog pulls his paw to get him up, but he wins up farting. Yep, there’s your fart joke.
Anyway, they leave the house and the henchman see them, and of course give chase. Which leads to some gags where they try to capture Fatty McFatfuck. Eventually, they do. This movie went from sort of cliché to REALLY cliché.
Villan with eye patch, wanting main characters for kid, dumb henchman, gag where they capture main character…christ.
Anyway, the other buddies notice Budderball missing and look for him. However, they all get captured by the bad guy’s net. Guess no one else in town sees this. Anyway, the bad guys plan to use the puppies as bait.
And it work as Air Bud and Molly quickly sniff the puppies out. They arrive only to get captured, but they fight back valiantly. They take Air bud out of the plot for awhile.
The buddies get the idea to visit Don Knotts to help find Air Bud. His bad lip movements tell them that he knows about the city the henchmen are going to. Except he can’t track for shit anymore, so he goes back to sleep.
Remember, this was his last film role.
Anyway, the henchmen take the dogs to their boss. He is happy to see that they have Molly, cuz they can make puppies that will be worth millions, somehow. He is not happy when he finds out they already have puppies, and fat henchman let them get away.
“Do you know why they are called Golden retrievers? Because that’s how much they are worth!”
…No. Dogs aren’t worth shit. You are an evil mastermind. You don’t need fucking dogs. This movie makes no sense. Did they write this in like 2 minutes?
I mean, dude, you told them to get Air bud, so OF COURSE they will ignore puppies. They didn’t know they would need them until you got the idea to breed puppies. There’s being evil, and there’s being stupid.
He puts Skinny henchman in charge of the mission to capture the puppies. Meanwhile, the family figures out the dogs are missing and start a big search for them..
That night, the henchmen do another stakeout at the same house. However, they can’t find the dogs. The buddies are out looking for Air bud, until they come across a drive in showing 101 Datamations.
Once again, they break the role of showing a much better movie during a shitty one. It just so happens that the henchmen are here too, for research. If only I had to watch a classic Disney movie for research,. But nope, I had to watch Disney sitcoms for blog research.
Anyway, the buddies end up in the projection room to look for Budderball but they end up fighting. The henchmen see this and whatever. Man, I’m really bored at this point.
So then there’s a chase…scene…zzzzzzzzzz
Huh? What? Ugh, I’m Sorry. Almost fell asleep there. It’s just this movie is so typical it’s sleep inducing. But let’s move on through this cliché chase scene. The bad guys run into the projection both and bump into the bright light.
“Are we dead?”
I wish I was dead right now.
Anyway, the puppies wreak havoc around the place. The henchmen chase him and PARTFALLS ensue. They end up outside where they knock over the bikes of a biker gang. When they hear that the henchmen were trying to hurt the puppies, they beat them up.
Hardy har. Snore..
Moving on, there’s another scene with the mourning kid and Mom which is again sickeningly sweet. Only it’s so much worse thanks to some cliché speech. This movie…sigh. The buddies find a place to sleep for the night, and the music gets all Full house-y.
The next morning, the henchmen are all beaten up at the drive in, while The real sheriff is helping the kid find the dogs. The henchmen report to the bad guy, who chews them out. I have to say, the evil guy can be a bit of fun at times. So they head back on the road.
Just then, they spot the buddies hanging at a field, so they give chase. But then they run of gags, wah wah. They chase them on foot, it’s boring and whatever.
“They’re like the pup-arazzi”
I hate you.
Eventually they captured Fat Bad but he farts to ward them off. I hate him too. The pups run into a goat voiced by Wallace Shawn.
“I’m fluent in horse, cow, chicken, pig, and rooster”
And dinosaur, but I guess he left that part out. Then they bump into a pig who only speaks pig latin cuz hardy har. The pig tells them to pretend to be pigs, so they roll in the mud and oink.
Somehow, they see through this amazing ruse and they do some more pratfalls. The goat leads them to a hiding place in a nearby barn.
But then the bad guys spot them again. God, this is so boring. It’s the same shit over and over again, with bad slapstick! Anyway, they hide in the hay and the goat kicks the henchmen’s asses.
They get back up the chase continues until the goat finally traps them for good. Thank god, that’s over. Anyway, the buddies continue their quest to get to Air bud and they end up in a Forrest.
They get lost and argue for cliché reasons. Then Generic Bud reminds them to stick together then they bump into a wolf who can’t talk for some reason.
Oh wait, he can cuz he does when Girl bud confronts him. Why he waited until now, I don’t know. Also Micheal Clark Duncan. Sadface. Turns out he’s a good guy and he will protect them.
He takes them to a little hide-y hole and he has another stupid “Sweet” scene with them. The buddies realize that they shouldn’t have ran away from their problems and whatever. Ugh, fuck this shit.
The next day, the wolf tells them to get the fuck out and find their parents. Meanwhile, Don Knotts can smell again. How convenient. So he runs off to the kid’s house and has him and his friend follow him.
The wolf takes the puppies to the vineyard where the parents are being held. The wolf was actually kind of cool but now hes gonna leave. But he leaves with a bad speech, so i’m not too heartbroken.
Don Knotts leads the kids to the goat’s place, where the kid’s bump into the henchmen. Upon hearing of their plight, they claim to be good guys wanting to help them find the puppies. But somehow they can they are bad guys so they don’t buy it.
Also Air bud and Molly dig out of their prison and end up in a field outside. But then the buddies stumble upon their hole, and end up falling into it.
Then the evil kid shows up at the bad guy’s place to pick up his new pet,. But they see that they have escaped. But then the buddies fall in. Wah Wah.
The escaped Air Bud and Molly bump into Don Knotts, who tells them the kid’s went to look for them. The villain calls the henchmen, thinking they got him his puppies. I only mentioned this bit cuz I felt like bringing up the henchmen again.
The good kids spy the buddies with the evil kid, in his limo. The buddies escape with the kid’s. That was easy. But wait, the bad guys see this so it’s still not over.
Then for some reason they run into a weird warehouse where Fat Bud sees a vat of wink, thinks it’s grape juice, tries to get a taste but falls in. Thanks, Fatty Mc fat fuck.
After Fatty farts again, they get him out.
“That’s the weirdest grape juice ever, hic!”
He’s drunk. YOU KNOW-FOR KIDS!
The drunk Budderball stumbles around and gets lost. Then Air Bud and Molly show and they all reunite. But wait, Fat Bud is still lost and drunk and the evil kid finds him. Thanks, Fatty mc drunk fuck. Then Don Knotts tackles the kid. Well that was pointless.
Anyway, the kids and the dogs work together to release barrels towards Selkirk (Bad guy) and Mr. Livingston (other bad guy who is the dad of the evil kid). Anyway, eventually the bad guys end up falling into the vat of wine.
Then the vat breaks open and they fall out, just in time for the cops to arrive. Turns out, the kids called the police beforehand. Yet they went in to do their jobs anyway? Also the henchmen are in the back of the car if you care.
But wait the evil just wanted someone to play with. This movie pulls out the stupidest cliches. So Fat Bud decides to stay with the kid. Yay, Fatty mc Drunk fuck is leaving forever. Oh, he’s still in the other movies? Fuck.
So the other buddies are ready to move on and end up with different owners. But cuz they all just happen to live close together, they will stay out and even howl together that night.
And so they buddies learned their lesson about letting go or some shit. I learned that Disney will do anything to make money. The. Abrupt. END.
(Also, this movie is in loving memory of Don Knotts, and the guy who played the human sheriff. …That’s kind of sweet).
This one was, in a way, worse than I expected. I expected something was regular bad, and I thought the sequels would just get worse. But if it gets worse than this…I’m afraid.
You could say it’s harmless, and it is sort of is. In parts, this can be…sort of amusing. But man, it’s still really bad.
It’s so typical and TEDIOUS. There’s nothing original or interesting in this movie. It’s stitched together by all the usual cliches, made worse by the sloppy writing. The cliches end up being very rushed, and some are just lazy.
Like the villains. The henchmen are not funny and they do nothing in the end, and the villain’s motive is WEAK, even for an Air bud movie. The story goes from point A to Point B and they have really pointless chase scenes in the middle.
They put it a bunch of weird things that make the story really muddled. It’s not a simple cliché story, it’s just sloppy writing. The characters are all one dimensional, especially the buddies who are stereotypes, and are just not funny.
The acting is bad, even for a movie like this. The voice actors for the buddies sound like they want to be anymore but the sound booth, except for maybe Don Kotts, Wallace Shawn, and Micheal Clarkle Duncan. The villain’s acting is okay, the henchmen are weak and main kid is especially bad.
But when you are given really unfunny dialogue, you tend to not care about your craft. I can’t think of that many good jokes, and stuff like the wine thing was just painful. I think I hated Fat Bud and White Gangsta bud the most, as they get the dumbest lines and have the worst actors.
The only thing that prevents it from being one of the worst things ever, is that it’s harmless and can be …amusing at times. It’s not offensive at all, and there are worse kid’s films, but that isn’t really saying a lot.
This is a good example of bottom of the barrel kid’s entertainment, as there is nothing for adults. I found it to be quite boring at times, and also annoying.
It’s just lazy, but …I’m too tired to put it on my worst movie’s ever list. I can only hope the sequels are better.