Ted

Now 100 percent Conway Titty free!

Now 100 percent Conway Titty free!

Hello, Spongey here.

Last time I watched one of the worst comedies I have seen in awhile. So today, I will look at a…good comedy! One that surprised me, no less.

How so? Well, let’s talk about Seth Macfarlane. Seth is a men known for creating the animated series Family Guy. He is known for adult humor, and by adult I mean sex, shit, and general gross out jokes.

Due to this, people view him as Satan, with awful humor, and he;s racist and sexist. I think…that’s a bunch of steaming bullshit.

MINI-RANT MODE, ACTIVATE

Is it possible to dislike a person’s work without disliking the person? Yes? Well, tell that to the entire internet. For whatever reason, Seth has a Hate dumb that calls him the worst words imaginable, based on …well nothing. This is part of a trend I wish would stop.

It seems like people are quick to extremely to hate on people like Seth, Micheal Bay, and even people they just find to be bad actors or something. You can dislike a writer, or actor and whatnot, but most of the time, people treat them like Satan when they are perfectly fine people.

When it comes to Micheal Bay and the like, I’m not the best person to confirm their status as an asshole, but as a casual viewer, I can say I don’t have much evidence and most all: IT’S NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS. Who the hell am I to judge someone i’ve never met? All I can do is judge their work, and even if it sucks, it doesn’t mean THEY do.

And don’t pull try to grab “evidence” of Seth or Bay being a douche cuz it’s likely a misunderstanding, a joke, or YOU being harsh. I’m sure you honestly feel he is not a good man, and i’m sure you are not an asshole for it, but too many people do this with too many other people.

Is Seth the biggest douche in the world? Maybe. Is it my business? No. People use certain aspects of his work to prove he’s a dick, but I couldn’t honestly care. You can call me an idiot all you want, but even with his works’ rather interesting moments, I don’t think it represents him 100 percent.

So can we please dislike a person’s work, without judging the person?

RANT OVER

With that said, I’m not a big fan of his work. Not that I find Family Guy horribly sexist, racist and the like, I just find it really awkward and un-funny. Half of the time, they don’t make jokes…things just kind of happen. It sometimes using poor shock humor doesn’t help matters. Though oddly enough I don’t mind the meg bashing.

I do like American Dad but I find the Cleveland  show to be kind of pointless. However, I can’t deny Seth has some talent deep inside him. But when he announced he was doing a movie, I was scared. After all, most of FG’s humor comes from how “edgy’/ it was for TV. But in movies, that type of humor is lost.

However, I was glad when I saw the film, as it’s actually very good…for different reasons than you’d expect. How so? Well, let’s finish this long ass intro and finally get into it.

This, is Ted

ted

The movie opens with narration by Patrick Stewart. He’s not the only guy who was in a Seth show, in this, which may shock you greatly. He talks about how people think magic is gone, so he will tell us a story that proves otherwise.

It was christmas eve, and all the children were in high spirits. That special time of year when boston children gather together and beat up the jewish kids”

Figures the only true clunker is the first joke of the movie. Don’t worry, it gets better!

We see a kid named John, who is the one boy who can’t make friends. On christmas morning, he gets a teddy bear. Speaking of Seth regulars, that’s Lois Griffin herself as John’s mom. No joke here, just saying.

Ted 1

John quickly gets attached to teddy. But late one night..

I wish you could really talk to me”

As Patrick says, nothing is more powerful than a young boy’s wish…except maybe a Apache Helicopter. His words, not mine.

Sure enough, Ted is alive the next morning, with the most adorable childlike voice. Right away, he’s able to get that he wished for Ted, so there’s no thing with him screaming then the parents hearing and blah blah blah. But I bet he’s gonna tell his parents, but Ted will do nothing to keep a low-

and Ted shows himself for the parents. Okay, props for avoiding the usual cliches. They react the way anyone would, and it’s hilarious.

Get my gun!”

Is it a hugging gun?”

Thankfully, Ted and John clam them down and now they think it’s a christmas miracle. Through the power of montage, we see the whole world finding out about Ted, as he becomes super famous. He shows up on the news, he goes on talk shows..

I thought you’d be taller”

I thought you’d be funnier”

but he and John stay friends. Cliche avoiding, yay! Wait, so no one freaks out, or does experiments on Ted? Okay, it’s a Comedy written by Seth Macfarlane, that’s part of the joke, which we’ll see more of later.

That’s a bit with John and Ted where they hide from the thunder and become Thunder Buddies, which is kind of adorable.


“Thunder Buddies for life!”

And that’s a promise they kept. But,…well let Patrick put it this way.

No matter how big a splash you make in this world, whether you’re a cory feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber, or a talking teddy bear, eventually…nobody gives a shit”

Cue opening credits. We get clips of John and Teddy being friends, where a song called “Everybody needs a best friend” plays, which is extremely catchy by the way. Hell, it was nominated for an oscar. Yes, You can now say the phrase, “Seth Macfarlane almost got an oscar” in all serious-ness.

ted 2

So, 27 years later, John has grown up to be Mark Walhberg, while Ted is Seth himself. I’m marky mark’s biggest fans, but I usually like him in comedies, so he’s good here. Also, we see them smoking while watching Spongebob, which is THE best image in the world.

Right away, we can tell what kind of characters these are. Ted is a foul mouthed kind of guy, while John is well, the straight man. I’ll comment on Ted later, but i’lll say John is cool, as he’s isn’t totally spineless, and he has good stuff later on.

Reviewing a comedy like this is hard, as I can’t quote all the funny moments that I think sum it up, cuz if I do you may find it weak as you can’t hear the acting or it’ll feel pointless. So i’ll try to do this without getting boring.

In this bit, they talk a wide range of subjects, from Weed, to 9/11 but it’s funny thanks to strong performances and it’s not overblown like Family guy has become. John is late for work, so Ted drives him to his job.

Of course the boss is not happy with his lateness, but I’ll skip that part even though it’s kind of funny. John talks to his friend, Guy, played by Patrick Warburton, another Seth regular. Glad to see him in a good movie after Rebound, and Hoodwinked 2…

He has another friend named Alix…played by Norm from Phineas and Ferb. That, is AWESOME. Also, this is an example of what I mean a bit ago, as they exchange funny jokes, one of which comes back, but I can’t really get it out well enough. Bottom long, Guy might be gay, which is thankfully not just a DURR GAY moment.

Oh, and cuz I must point this out, there is a female co-worker who was previously in the Goosebumps episode Deep trouble. Always nice to see a GB actor with an actual career.

Anyway, we find out John has a girlfriend named Lori, who he has been dating for 4 years and the co-worker thinks he should propose. Yep, that cliché but this movie does almost every cliché well. I”ll explain why later.

He talks to Ted about the marriage thing.

We’ve been together 27 years, where’s my ring?”

And 1000 slash fics were born.

Oh, and out of context line time..

See, there’s the american fantasy: a NFL player called upon to save the world”

Insert NFL rush zone joke here.

So then we meet Lori, played by Meg herself, Mila Kunis.

mila-kunis-jgjY

I don’t need to say anything here.

Anyway, any movie would have her as the shrew-ish bitch but here, she’s shown to be cool with them for the most part, and you even see her plight later on. Hell, she and John actually do have chemistry at some points, which is important.

That night in bed, we see that Marky Mark has some trouble growing up thanks to ted, as they still seem to be afraid of thunder.

Let’s sing the thunder song. When you hear the sound of thunder, don’t you get scared. Just grab your thunder buddy, say these magic words. Fuck you thunder! You can suck my dick! You can’t get me thunder cuz your just god’s farts”

Half adorable, half funny…Fundorable?

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The next day, Lori goes to her job, and she talks to her friends. She thinks John isn’t doing so well at age 35, and it’s cuz Ted is tying him down. Before she goes on further, we met her boss Rex, played by Joel Mchale.

You are officially forgiven for Spy kids 4. As long you don’t join, say an Adam Sandler-

sandlfer

Fuck.

See, Joel is a man so thus he has the hots for Mila Kunis, and this bugs her. It doesn’t border on ‘SEXUAL HARSSEMT IS FUNNY”, instead it’s a “sleazy boss” kind of thing, which is different. As in, it’s less in your face and actually funny.

The bit with them is short, but I had to bring up Joel before he becomes important later. So Lori and John go on a date for their anniversary. By the, their waiter is played by a family guy writer. Yeah, there are cameos like that, but I will mostly mention the big ones, though that seemed amusing to me.

After some fun banter, we get that scene. You know the one. Where the chick thinks her man is gonna propose when he’s actually giving her something else or just not doing anything. He gives her some earrings as a present, which of course is different from what she expected.

HOWEVER, John actually knows this and even tells her that he wants to wait to propose. So at least the man is smart this time. So now Lori asks John if Ted can move out so they can move on with their lives.

Of course John doesn’t want Ted to go, and then they just kind of drop it. Going back to Lori for a sec, in any other movie she’d feel kind of bitchy at this point…but she does have a point. Ted IS keeping him down. However, John is still likeable because Ted feels like his true friend, and you see why he doesn’t want to get rid of him, and he does understand Lori’s problems, so he’s not ignorant about this.

How is that the creator of Family guy is the only one to do these cliches right?

ted 4

So they get hone only to find Ted with some hookers. Of course.

The ladies and I were just watching Jack and Jill. Adam Sandler plays a guy and his sister, and it’s just awful. It’s unwatchable.”

.,..

This is now the best movie ever made.

There’s a shit on my floor”

Or, is there a floor on the shit?”

Hey, if you saw how he says in the movie, you’d laugh like I just did. Anyway, at this point i’ll bring up Ted himself. Again, in any other movie he’d be annoying and you could easily be on Lori’s side. But, somehow, even with this bit, he comes as likeable, because he never sets out to be a bad person or even feels like the kind of asshole he could have been. Like I just said, he does feel like a true friend to John, and hell, i’d party with him.

It comes down to “you have to see it to get it” as the way i’m summing up the events don’t do him justice. Plus, he gets better, as you can guess. Anyway, he also happens to be funny in a likable way, saying some of the stuff your good friend might say, as shown in the next scene where he and John are the aquarium riffing on Fish.

It makes sense in context.

ted 5

Oh, and John now sees that Ted must move on, and now it’s serious. See, John Is smart enough to catch a clue after that kind of thing happens, so he talks to Ted about this, who is of course not happy.

Oh, and I must bring up this: He mentions the literal hooker shit, which leads to…yep, a cutaway with John watching Lori try to pick up the shit.

Poop, cutaway, and mila kunis character being a butt monkey. Yeah, I never saw that coming. But wait…the cutaway is relevant to what is going on?! The butt monkey-ness never goes overboard? The shit joke is funny thanks to their reactions?! IT’S A BELATED FATHER’S DAY MIRACLE!

Anyway, This normally would lead to an argument, Ted leaving pissed and all that crap. But…nope! Ted actually listens and even though neither are happy, they can accept that things must change. Ted gets that he has problems, and that John must works things out with Lori.

So both people are being smart, and see that Ted must move out. However, they say that is not that bad, as John can still visit ted, and he will help him him get back up on his feet. Also, this doesn’t feel like John is just getting rid of ted to get some pussy, he actually sees that ted is bringing him down.

Like I said, it’s so shocking that Seth does all those this damn well.

Oh, and amusing gag from the kid!opening, has John hugging ted, activating his voice function he was made with. Said voice is Tara strong, which is hilarious.

So usually this kind of thing is in the 3rd, and we’re only 28 minutes. Thankfully, we have more plot to spare as John tries to get Ted a job at a grocery store.

This leads to one of my favorite bits in the movie: At the interview..

‘what do you got?”

Your wife’s pussy on my breath”

Nobody’s ever talked to me like that”

That’s cuz everyone’s mouth is full of your wife’s box”

You’re hired”

‘…Shit”

I’m not sure why, but that was just hilarious to me. So anyway, later at the park, a man and his son (that one kid from A.N.T Farm) talks to John and says that ever since he was a kid, Donny here loved Ted (not like that, ew) and wants John to sell Ted to him.

Question: If a child’s wish is so powerful in this movie, why didn’t Donny just wish for his own ted? Hell, why didn’t everyone do that when they heard about Ted? Just wondering.

Anyway, John turns him down but says he’ll call him when Donny gives him his number. Yes, this seemingly weird scene comes up again later. So they find Ted an apartment and move him in.

The guy said it ain’t hardly got no murders in it, so that’s good”

After a tearful “goodbye’, John goes home and Lori thanks him for doing this. The next day, it’s Ted’s first day on the job and he has a fancy for the new checkout girl. This leads an amusingly lewd montage of him goofing off to make her laugh, which works wonders.

Wait, who is he gonna …well…do her? He doesn’t…okay i’m thinking too hard about this./

Later, while John is at work, Ted calls him and asks him to hang out for a few minutes. Ted promises it will only be a few minutes, so John accepts. Another cliché is avoided, as their visit is short and John goes back to work after their conversation. Why did I even mention this scene? ..I forget that it avoided the cliché I was trying to make fun of.

Remember my question about how Ted can do her? Well, the movie answers it when Ted is caught screwing Tami-Lawn, the checkout girls. ..Sort of, we see a glimpse of him humping her, but we don’t quite know how he is screwing her without a visible penis. Though it seems that sticking a finger in the loop in his tag gets him off..

I feel dirty for even thinking about this, but so are the writers for writing this scene.

You had sexual intercoruse with a co-worker on top of the produce we sell to the public”

I fucked her with a parsnip last week, and I sold it to a family with four small children”

…That took guts. I’m promoting you.”

You got a lot of problema, don’t ya?”

That list line alone made this gag funnier a 2nd time.

ted 6

So after work, Ted runs into Donny in an alley. See, this is why you always trust the guy who has seen this movie before…though I don’t know why I would lie about donny showing up again.

He acts creepy, and Ted is able to prevent him from getting creepier, and he leaves. It’s not pointless, as it reminds us of donny before he comes back to be important later.

So Ted, John, Tami, and Lori have a double date later. Lori mentions that John has visited ted everyday since he moved out, which destroys the idea of him moving out in the first place. I mention this seemingly pointless line cuz it does add to the development we’ll see later.

Also, I do find it funny that a talking Teddy bear no longer phases anyone after 27 years, to the point where a girl is willingly to fuck it. I don’t know how to add on to that comment, other than the fact that’s not as odd as girls wanting to fuck a dog in Family guy.

Oh, and it escalates quickly as Tami gets all bitchy on Lori, for reasons you need to watch the movie to get, cuz i’m too lazy to explain. Also, Marky Marky hates the word Cunt. I just found that funny.

ted 7

John is a bit too okay with Ted’s girlfriend being a cunt which makes Lori think he’s too much on Ted’s side, and she says she found about how John lied to his boss to get out of work a couple scene ago. Ah, so it did have a point, and I wasn’t being stupid!

John, I need a man, not a little boy with a teddy bear”

I’ve already talked about how I feel about Lori’s character and her views on this, so I don’t have to say it again. Besides, you clearly see that John needs to push ted off some more.

John promises that he will try harder to get his life in check. Yes, he won’t keep it, I don’t have to bet 5 bucks on a plot point this time.

A few days later, Lori and John go to a party hosted by Joel Mchale here. Rex acts like you’d expect him to act, and I mean that in the best possible way…sort of…never mind. There’s chit-chat and it’s all fun and stuff.

Also, Joel has Lance Artmstrong’s nut freeze dried in bronze. This makes perfect sense. Then of course we have the part where Joel gets Marky Mark alone and mark chews him out.

I hope you get Lou Gehrig’s disease”

Joel of course claims he isn’t into Lori or anything, but before anything else happens Ted calls and says he’s having a small party at his place. Then he mentions that Sam jones is there. …Sam played Flash Gordon in the 1980 film, which the boys were shown to be very into. I skipped that so I can have more to say at this part.

Sam is here cuz Ted’s friend’s cousin is buds with him and when he came over visit he brought Sam Jones over here. And yes, they did get Sam for this movie. Gotta love Adam Westing. So Ted wants John’s ass to see this, but John isn’t keen after the last time he went to Ted’s while doing something else.

Flash gordon was the most important influence on our formative years. He taught us right from wrong, good from evil, and that the word “acting” has an extremely broad deffention”

So he’s like the Tommy Wiseau of the 80’s?

AUIDENCE: BOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, he’s not THAT bad.

So with the allure of their hero, John tells Rex to cover for him while he sneaks out. Yes, trust the guy your mostly honest girlfriend says is a douche. Smart guy, isn’t he?

I don’t really know you, but i’m trusting you as a man”

You just validated my last joke.

ted 8

John gets to Ted’s place, and yep, Sam Jones is there. He acts like you’d expect, and this time I really do mean in the best possible way. He gets them to take some cocaine, and this leads to an awesome/fun/crazy party scene that I don’t want to describe all of. You just have to be there, ya know? Or…watch the movie, whatever.

Come on, I don’t sound that much like peter griffin!”

Saw that kind of joke coming. Wait, so do people think Lori sounds like Meg, or that the co-worker guy sounds-

I’m thinking too much into that joke. Also, there’s a bit where…well let’s say i’d never thought i’d review 2 movies in a row with nudity. Though here’s very brief and for a gag I won’t spoil.

After a bit I skipped for time, John tires from his coke crazy and bumps into Patrick Waurburton, who is, infact gay. With Ryan Renolds. Oh ryan…I’ll get your movie soon. You know the one.

ted 9

John notices how late it is, but sadly he seems to be too late as he bumps into Lori trying to get out.

‘I need you out of the apartment tonight”

Ouch. Yep, it’s time…for the 2nd act break up. The kiss of death for any movie, and you may think this movie falls into that same trap…but I shall forgive it. Why? It works fine within the story, and the all that complex John/Ted stuff i’ve been discussing all day.

It seems all too typical, what with Lori not even listening to him but dude, if you had to deal with John’s crap like she did, you wouldn’t be keen on hearing him out when you are mad like that. After all, even after his promise he still went and did this.

Which brings me to my next point: John isn’t too much of a dumbass. Like i’ve said before, I see why he hangs with Ted, but I also see why he shouldn’t be so attached to him. John even feels sorry right away when he sees the damage he has done. He even chews ted out.

Fuck you…My fucking life just ended!”

Ted brushes it off…

Do you give any shred of a shit?!”

Oh my, John is seeing that Ted is kind of dick right now. He says that Lori was right all along. He’s 35 and just smokes pot with a damn Teddy bear, for god’s sake. Ted tries to apologize but John storms off.

This leads me to my NEXT point: They pull off the FREIND BREAK UP very well. This is usually even worse than the romantic break up, but I like it here. For one, thanks to the points i’ve already mentioned you see both sides, and since you, hopefully, have grown attached to both of these guys, this kind of hits you too.

I’ll go even more into why you can side with and go against all three people in this triangle later cuz trust me, it’ll come up again. But I will mention that they don’t dwell on it very long, they just have a like 30 second montage before moving on.

They let it sink in, without it getting boring. Again, why can only Seth McFarlane get this shit right?!


ted 10

With John gone, Joel pounces on Lori again a week later, which Lori doesn’t like. However, Rex asks her out on a date and says if she hates it, he’ll leave her alone forever. Since Marky Mark didn’t tell her of the last time he was trusted, I can buy that she trusts him here.

Also, she wants to get over John and Rex says he wants to show he isn’t a dick, so whatever. Later, we see that John is at a motel since he got kicked out, and Ted shows up to talk.

Ted saw Lori leaving with Rex, and is telling John but he doesn’t buy it. Ted then gets pissed and..

You’re blaming me, for something you did to yourself. You cannot take responsibility for anything that goes in your life. I didn’t tie you up and drag you to that party.”

Oh, here we go! It’s at this point, where I must thank the writers. They managed to make it so all three characters are both right AND wrong. I can see why John would be right, cuz ted is a dick, but I also see why Ted is right cuz John is being dumb. Both have perfect reasons for thinking they are right, but I also see where they are in the wrong, too. Lori is the most right here, but even she is a bit in the wrong, though I’ll say more on her later.

You can easily go, “oh but Ted’s a dick” and be both right and wrong, thanks to all the sides the film shows us. Yes, Seth made a movie I could talk THIS much about. Goddamn it, this movie gets it all right!

I fully expect people to argue that neither are right at all or some shit like that, but hey, fuck you. ANYWAY..

I should have wished for a Teddy ruxpin!”

I already avoided the obvious joke in the PA 3 review, so i’ll keep doing it. This comment pisses Ted off so much that it leads to the MOST EPIC BATTLE OF MAN VS BEAR!

WALKEN: THIS IS NOT OVER…BEARS!

Sorry, I had to.

But eventually they just tire out and quit. They go into that sobered out “I love you man” thing. And then Ted and John team up to get Lori back. Seems quick? Well, it works better when played out in the movie, rather than my commentary.

ted 11

So Lori and Jeff, I mean Joel, I mean Rex, go to a Norah Jones Concert. After a song, she goes backstage and bumps into Ted and John. Thankfully, Ted and Norah are old friends cuz I’m skipping whatever explanation there is.

As it turns out, they cut a deal onscreen for John to sing out there to woo Lori. This can only go amazingly. Oh, and remember my question about Ted’s …lack of a dick?

You weren’t so bad for a guy with no penis”

I’ve written so many angry letters to Hasbro about that”

Once they get through the angry letters about Equestria Girls, they’ll get back to you.

So, John goes up and it goes …actually kind of well, cuz no one is rioting.

TED: Still better than Katy Perry

..I’d never thought i’d say this to a good movie but…fuck you?

And then, for whatever reason, halfway through, people start booing. I guess cuz Marky Mark can’t hit those hit notes. So yeah, John runs out, concert ends, it didn’t go well.

Rex and Lori talk outside, and Rex acts like a jackass and Lori actually stands up for John.

John and I may have our problems, but at least he tried”

I want to say D’aww but today it feels…sickening to do so. So i’ll just: Cool, bro.

She shoots Rex down and goes home by herself. The next day, God gives us this-

ted 12

Then Ted shows up at Lori’s place. He talks about John and how messed up things are.

It wasn’t all his fault. I told him to bail on you. He said no, he was gonna stay there., So if you would just him a chance, Lori…I’ll leave, and never come back”

Okay, now i’ll say D’awww. Ted realizes that he is at fault, but the other two get it too. Everyone sees themselves as the problem, but you can say them as in the right at the same time. It’s everything i’ve been saying all review, only now it all comes together, as Lori tries to say that it’s between john and her, but Ted keeps saying how John can’t grown up if he has his teddy bear.

He says if Lori talks to John, he’ll be gone when they get back. See, Ted is being a big person right now, even though he knows John is his best friend. Of course you can still want them to be together, so it’s not all black and white.

So Lori leaves…and Donny and his son show up to kidnap Ted. Some have found this whole thing that’s about to happen Un-needed, as the whole main story is good enough, but it’s really not. It presents decent conflict, and it helps lead to…a scene later. So bear with me.

Before we get more on that, let’s join John and Lori. John cuts the “bring me back” crap and says he’s been a shitty boyfriend. However, he still loves her and wants to end on good terms.

After saying that, he quietly leaves. A pretty effective scene, if I do say so myself. But whatever, back to Ted being dropped off at donny’s place. Of course it has ton’s of pictures of Ted cuz Donny is a creepy stalker.

So Ted now belongs to Robert. Donny also goes creepy and talks about how he wanted a Ted as a kid, but Dad wouldn’t let him. Again, wish? You could have at least tried it out, even if God rejected it.

By the way, the guy playing him is so damn good at being creepy, that I almost want to put a restraining order on him. …That’s not weird, right? Speaking of creepy, Robert tears off Ted’s ear when he says a swear word. Now, I know it’s a Teddy bear, but given how alive he’s been to us…this Is fucking gore-y as hell.

Though Ted says “fucking” a minute later, with no reaction. ?

Anyway, Robert suggests they play hide and seek, and Ted gets Robert to do the finding so he can escape. Also, Ted staples his ear back on, so don’t be too worried, kids.

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While this is going on, John is walking when Lori drives up and asks for a word with him. But then Ted calls and tells him what happened. But before he can finish the call, Donny cuts it off.

But thankfully, Donny gave John their number and address earlier, so they head off. But Donny and Robert take Ted away in their car, though John sees them do so CAR CHASE TIME.

The chase leads them to Fenway park, where Ted tries to get away from Donny by climbing one of the spotlight towers. However, during the scuffles, Donny pulls on Ted…and he is ripped in half, as he falls to the ground.

ted 14

John and Lori try to piece him back together.

‘You’re gonna be okay”

‘I don’t think so..I’m in trouble”

I need to tell you something. Don’t ever lose her again. She’s the most important part of your life. Even more than me. She’s your thunder buddy now”

Ted’s magic fades away, turning him back into a normal Teddy bear.

This is a Seth MacFarlane comedy. I should not be wanting to cry my damn eyes out. I mean…damn! This is that…scene I mentioned a bit ago. I mean…wow! All the things about the writing i’ve been talking about lead up this moment.

I don’t need to repeat how much each characters is likable, and that Ted’s acceptance is fan-freaking-tastic. It..just gets me there.

However, John won’t accept this and rushes home to get Ted back together. They try everything, but nothing works. Ted is dead, and John has to accept it.

John goes to bed, but Lori looks out the window and sees a shooting star. She seems to do nothing, and goes back to bed.

..But the next morning, John looks at Ted’s lifeless body and …Ted comes back to life?

ted 15

I’m alive Johnny!”

Okay, at first this may seem like a cop out…but in a sec it’ll make sense in the context of the movie…plus I really wanted him to not be dead. There’s a quick joke that sort of ruins in…but I’ll skip to when Ted hugs John.

LORI: Welcome back, Ted

It was you”

That’s right, Lori wished Ted back to life. This seems cop-out-ish…but it’s also incredibly sweet on Lori’s part so d’awwww!

So they all make up, and John he’s gonna buckle down from now on. He even proposes right than and there. They later get married, with Sam Jones as the justice of the peace.

TED: There’s only way to end a perfect day…flash jump!

ted 16

Lovely. What say you, Patrick Stewart.

That’s the story of how one magical wish, forever changed the lives of three very special friends.”

Go any of that where are they now action for us? Actually, i’ll do it:

Ted and Tami-Lynn get dating, and Ted is promoted when he is found eating chips off her ass.

Sam Jones went to Hollywood to restart his film career. He currently shares an apartment with Branden Routh.

Remember him from that god-awful superman movie? Jesus, thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant dump on us”

Geez, don’t let him see Man of Steel then..

Rex dies of Lou Gehrig’s disease.

Donny was arrested for kidnapping a teddy bear, until they realized how stupid that sounded. ..Not my joke, the movie said it.

Robert got a trainer, gained weight, and became Taylor Lautner. Roll abrupt Credits! …Quicker wrap up than I remember, but ah well.

Final Thoughts:

I’m not a rabid Seth detractor, but even I had my huge doubts about this movie. Thankfully, it ended up be a huge delight, not only as a Seth movie, but as a Comedy in general.

When you see the sheer amount of cliches thrown in, you’d think it would end up being kind of dull when you peel away the comedy. But in a way…it ends up being a better drama than a comedy!

Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s funny. I skipped a lot of funny lines and such so I didn’t sell it well. There’s some great moments, and a lot of fun is had. For a Seth comedy, they avoid the kind of stuff I feared would be in it: Cutaway jokes, pointless vulgar stuff, and offensive things. Some of it is there, but it’s so small I didn’t even mention it.

However, as a drama it REALLY works. I’ve gone on and on before, but I’ll bring it up again. The whole thing could have fallen flat on it’s face. After all, John had a choice between a Teddy bear and Mila Kunis. That’s an easy choice for most men, but they do a damn good job at making you see ALL sides of this triangle.

It’s a cliché type of triangle, but the writers make it work, as do the performances. Mila Kunis helps make Lori likable and just a shrew, Marky Mark makes John very likable and funny, and Seth is just awesome as Ted. Everybody is likable, and the acting just helps my points.

The other guys like Joel Mchale and such are good too, but it’s those three that made an impression. There is some …sort of realistic things in here, and the excellent drama actually puts it’s above just another comedy.

I liked all the characters a lot, I had a ton of fun hanging out with these characters, and while it isn’t the funniest movie ever, it is, indeed quite funny. I hear a sequel is in the works, and hey. I’d see it. Why? Well, remember how I asked why no one else wished for their own ted?

Yeah, use your imagination.

How would I sum up Ted? Decent Comedy…Very good movie.

Grade: B+

See ya.

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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