On May 20th, 2013, a call to the authorities was made from the house of the Blalock family. The adults of the household reported that they had a missing child, Thomas Blalock. They heard a scream coming from the attic, and when they got there, he was gone. Upon inspection, his laptop was open, and had a note attached to it. It read: POST THE CONTENTS OF THIS WORD DOCUMENT TO MY BLOG, FOUND IN MY BOOKMARK”. After analyzing the document, we are complying with his request. Enjoy
Hello, Spongey here.
I’m doing this review for a weird reason. See, I’ve been hearing weird noises around my house. At night. my bedroom door moves on its own, and things have just been creepy.
I’m sure it’s nothing, but I’m a little worried. So I decided to do a review to calm my nerves. And doesn’t it make perfect sense to do a horror film?
Yep, we’re looking at Paranormal Activity once again! It’s been awhile since I did the first 2, So how should I sum them up?
CHESTER A BUM: They made an entire film series out of making a door move and telling us that it’s scary!
…Yeah, that about sums it up.
Okay, here’s the real skinny:
PARANORMAL ACVITIY: Asshole Micah and Nice Katie are living it up in their home….except they are dealing with a demon katie had to deal with as a kid. But alas, the demon gets the best of her and kills micah, thank god. The demon katie runs away. It was meh.
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2: A few weeks before that, Katie’s sister Kristi, and her husband dan, deal with that lazy ass demon. They find out that Kristi’s grandma made a pact with a demon to get rich,. While sacrificing the first born son. Which is why their first son Is having demon troubles. So to get rid of the demon, they do a thing to sic on Katie, cuz it’s not like they hang out with her or anything. Not surprisingly, after the events of the first one, Demon!Katie kills Dan and Kristi. She also takes their son Hunter. It was also alright, but a bit better.
So that’s where we are. However, I must address something. I think the reason I find these films boring, is cuz I am doing the reviews while watching them for the first time. Thus, I go bit by bit, expecting something to happen all the time. I figured if I watched this first, and let the atmosphere soak in, I would like it more, and the review would be better thought out.
So did it work? Yes. How so? You’re about to find out.
This, is Paranormal Activity 3
The movie opens in 2005, before any of the movies, when Kristi was preggo with Hunter. Even back then,. Dan had a camera to dick around with. But at least he’s a little charming while doing so.
Katie shows up with some boxes of old shit she’d like to get rid of. I see giving useless crap to sisters runs in the family…but at least boxes don’t move doors. They go through the box and find some old tapes.
And then it just cuts to 2006, right during PA 2. Remember how their house was ransacked but nothing was stolen? Well, it turns out the tapes were stolen.
Wait, WHAT?! How does that make sense?! They made a big deal out of the fact nothing was stolen, but now they say tapes were taken. That is just slapping continuity in the face! And they were pretty good with continuity so far…
Well anyway, we get to see the contents of those tapes. Yep, we see exactly what happens to the “found footage”. Clever. The tapes are recordings from 1988, where most of this will take place.
Yep, it’s a prequel. The PA timeline is fucked up. It started in the present, went back a few weeks, back to present, then the future…and now the past again. So this is our new camera holder, Dennis, with his girlfriend, Julie. These are Katie’s parents, as we are back to when she and Kristi were kids.
Yes, we are explaining all that went on with their demon stuff. Oh, and the footage does look 80’s VHS quality…until about 10 minutes in when it will become 2011 good cuz 80’s?
The reasons for having a camera seems to be for general home movie use, and just fun. Not Micah “DURR” or Dan “DURR” just normal stuff.
So they are dicking around, I will say I do like these people. Will they aren’t quite as fun as Dan and Krisit were in the first half of PA 2, I do find their camaraderie kind of fun and on of that THE KID ACTORS AREN’T ANNOYING AS SHIT.
Well okay, at times, yes, but mostly, they are likable, and as you will see later, they can act. So Dennis retreats to his video room, where he will do the footage watching later. Now, I will say there are times so far where they fall in the same trap as the other movies.
That is, dicking around before the plot starts. Granted, some of it is actually fun, but in the next few minutes not a whole lot happens in terms of plot, when they could have easily grabbed my attention more. BUT, and this a big one, unlike the other films, they do set up the carefree personalities of the kids and Dennis. On top of that, it never gets over the top dumb, or as bad as in the other films.
I won’t sum up what’s happening now, as it is not important. Instead, let’s cut to Katie before she heads off to picture day at her school.
They take a family picture, and yes, this is that very picture they found in the first movie. That’s kind of clever. So later, Dennis is in his video room with his friend, Randy. Randy is the closest to a “micah” in this movie…but thankfully, he isn’t too bad.
They establish that Dennis makes wedding videos and the like. There, a plausible reasons for filming stuff like this. Was that so hard? Oh, and we also have a bit later where Dennis is walking around the house wondering where everyone is, and he finds a Teddy ruxpin doll on the floor.
I’d make a reference to the nostalgia critic….but Doug did that in the bum review, so nah. Dennis ends up in a closet, and then he is startled…by Katie popping up. Damn it, a false scare already?! Ugh….well, there’s only one other like that, so it’s all good.
After that pointless bit, we cut to that night as Dennis and Julie are smoking pot. Yes, they are smoking pot in their house, knowing that kids are in said house. BEST PARENTS EVER.
Then they film a Sex tape. Again, BEST PARENTS EVER. Mom agrees to do both of these things. Okay, Doug keeps joking that these movies are anti-men, and while I agree with that in the first 2…here, it’s the WOMAN who is always a moron! Sure, Dennis and randy aren’t the smartest, but I can buy that he would want to do this stuff, but I can’t buy that Julie would do this! And trust me, Dennis gets smarter…but Julie gets dumber.
Also, since this is a movie supposedly made of “found footage”…why did the person who found it leave this in when he was editing this? I…don’t get it. Kind of stretching my suspension of disbelief, guys.
Thankfully, an Earthquake happens to interrupt them. But I can guess it’s the demon….which means this scene was so dumb it un-lazy’d the demon! Damn.
But, this happens gradually. As it starts with a falling picture frame, then it goes up to the earthquake. And as they run away the camera falls. This is a…actually some well done suspense. Good job, PA 3!
Then it cuts to them watching the tapes, and Dennis sees what he thinks is a figure during that event. Julie thinks he is being dumb, so at least the movie points it out. But, I do see why he would think this. I’d rather a horror movie guy jump to conclusions, then brush off the obvious.
He shows the tape to Randy, and of course, he buys it. Dennis also says he hears noises (wish they’d told us that before…) so he wants to put cameras all around the house. Julie of course thinks he’s going overboard, doing this after one incident, but he insists.
But enough of that. Let’s finally get to the LAND OF NOTHING! ….Actually, no. They never go to the land of nothing in this movie. Why? IT’S THE LAND OF SOMETHING. Yes, during the night parts, THINGS HAPPEN EVERY TIME. Granted, it’s not always a hotbed of activity, but things still happend.
It took two damn movies, but finally, they got rid of the land of nothing. So instead, I’ll call it “night #1” and so on. During Night #1, Kristi quietly gets up and…starts talking to nobody. Not only does something happen, but it’s…creepy! It doesn’t sound like much, but on screen, it works. There’s no music or anything, but the night sounds, as well as the little girl whispering to an unknown person like this, actually makes it scary.
The point of this series, is to put you on the edge of your seat, even when little ends up happening. It failed in the first 2 films cuz nothing at all happened. But here, something happens, so when it cuts to day,. You are relived and not angry.
Dennis saw that bit on the tapes, and asks her about it,. She says she was talking to her imaginary friend Toby.
“He’s old like grandma”
It’s the demon. Spoilers, I know.
“Don’t call him fat”
Should I find that funny or scary? …I choose both.
Dad finds this suspicious but Mom chalks this up to an active imagination.
“Tobey is a phase, and he’s gonna be gone in a couple weeks”
Oh…he will be. He will be. MANIACAL LAUGH!
After arguing with Randy about Back to the future, they see that everything is quiet. They look around and once they end up near a closet…and .boo, the mom pops out with a mask. Yes, another damn false jump scare. Don’t worry, this is the last one for awhile. But still….really?!
So that night…
“Look at that tent”
Sex jokes I could have made: 1
No, he means the tent in the backyard. The little girls are having a backyard campout. After some banter, we head to night ….#5? what the hell happened to nights 2-4? did nothing happen for several nights?
Dennis and Julie hear some spooky sounds, and think it’s the girls coming back inside. There’s more legit tension as they stumble around. They find the girls outside, and ask them tocome back in. And…the night ends. Huh, short but fairly effective. Hey, I’ll take it over any night scene from the first two.
While Julie talking to her mom, I realize Dennis a new accusation of Julie’s, meaning the girls’ actual father is gone, and since Dennis is a newfag, they aren’t fond of him. Julie’s Mom isn’t happy with him either, since he’s not all that financially secure
Holy shit, character building which will make the demon tension all the more interesting? WHY DID THIS TAKE THEM 3 MOVIES?!
And with that, Night #7. Yeah, this movie skips around a lot for some reason. Dennis hears spooky noise, and stumbles around. There is a lot more tension than my quick summary states, as small things happen, which leads both Dennis, and us to think something is going around. But then it cuts to day…making that pointless.
Yep, they fell into that old trap again. Don’t worry, it doesn’t happen often. In order to get more footage, they attach the camera to an oscillating fan. Thus, it will back and forth and capture the kitchen and living room at the same time.
This is absolutely brilliant. It’s a great idea done very very well. When it;s night, and the screen is moving back and forth, with the fan, it can get very tense. People like this series, as it puts you suspense, waiting for something to happen. This idea makes that actually work for me. It’s easily the best idea the writers made.
And right away, they show it off in night 8. Kristi walks around, giggling, and hanging out with Toby the demon. Thanks to the fan, this is decently done. Then she climbs back in bed…and the night ends.
Okay, movie. You are getting dangerously close to meandering like the first one..Julie saw all that, so she asks Kristi about it, and she says Toby doesn’t want to talk about it. Whew, we’re back to the creepy.
Randy brings some books on the paranormal. One says kid’s are susceptible to spirits, and since creepy stuff started happening when tobey came along..
Yes, a PA character actually put two and put together, as soon as it became obvious. FINALLY!
Back in the girls room, Katie proposes they play Bloody mary. Yeah, she heard Randy mention it earlier. Way to go, dude. So they turn off the lights and get ready to say Bloody Mary three times into the mirror.
There’s a nice bit of tension right after they do so, but Julie has to interrupt. She leaves the door open, and boom it closes by itself.
Oh, I knew the demon couldn’t resist moving a door. That’s my demon! Actually….let’s take a break for a sec. Remember my backstory for the demon? Well, allow me to say it again, but with new details.
There once was a man named rob. He was incredibly smart, but he was also very lazy. He did nothing, he had no job, and as a result, no one really liked him. One day, he died of starvation because he couldn’t get up to get a snack. He was then sent to hell, where he met Satan. Satan is bad at fact checking, so he turned him into one his right hand minions due to how smart he is,.
Satan payed the price when he saw how lazy and unscary he was. But Rob honestly did want to be a great demon. So Satan gave him one chance. He told him to hang around this family around 1988, and once they are all dead, he can be a true evil demon. So he will not stop until all loose ends are tied up, since PA 2 clearly made his quest longer.
There, I just turned this scary demon into a tragic figure.
The next day, Dennis hangs out with Kristi, who is having a tea party with a horrible demon, and Toby. Dennis wants to know more about Toby and what he wants, but it looks like Kristi isn’t saying anything useful. Okay, building up mystery, I like that..
Oh, and there’s another thing I’ve failed to mention: Sometimes in this movie, they will get cut off mid sentence. This is to push the fact that this footage was edited by whoever found it, and not a professional. This is neat….but they should have made the video crappier if that’s what they were going for.
Katie starts bugging Kristi about playing with imaginary friends. This is why Kristi was much more likable than Katie in the other films. Kristi claims Toby is in the closet, so of course she walks in…only for the door to close by itself and lock her in.
Holy shit…a case where a demon moving a door is….SCARY?! It’s the end of the world, guys!
KRISTI: It’s not me..
Thankfully, Toby lets her out right as Julie walks in. They walks off arguing, right as we see a shot of Teddy Ruxpin. Then the closet door closes itself again.
Dammit, Teddy Ruxpin is forcing his evil again! Though he seems to have downgraded to Toby’s level..
Well anyway, that night, the parents leave, and the very 80’s Lisa is babysitting. Lisa’s actress previously..voiced Yue in Avatar the last airbender.
Yes, I ran into live action yue…and Animated yue right after. I swear to god, I didn’t plan that! Anyway, oddly enough this is a night segment. Yes, part of the plot is taking place during a night segment. That’s pretty cool.
Lisa puts the girls to bed, and hangs out downstairs. At one point, during fan mode, Lisa shouts boo at the camera. Really, again? Don’t worry, that’s the last one.
At another point, when the fan gets to Lisa, we see a sheet ghost. Of course, it’s likely just one of the girls trying to scare Lisa. But then….the sheet falls to the floor by itself, revealing there was no one under it.
That’s…oddly effective. Weird, and small, but for reason it was kind of…scary-ish. But this doesn’t phase Lisa, as she only just the sheet after it fell. But shouldn’t she wonder how it even got there?
She goes upstairs to check on the kids’…but she looks off camera and sees/hears something that freaks her out. We don’t see it, which makes it even scarier. She runs downstairs and waits until the parents get home/
They pay her, and she runs off. The next day, Randy sees the sheet thingy from the tape, and they both freak out. They also the part where Lisa and got scared and now they are determined to figure out what is going on. However, he won’t show this to Julie.
“no, she’d go nuts! Make me take the cameras down..”
- When you have a fucking demon, it’s best to either leave, or tell you’re wife. However…
- It would be dumb of her to take all that crap down, as it’s the only way to see what’s really going on.
But that’s just me.
With that, we go to night 13. Kristi watches the sleeping couple as it fast forwards. Wait, they are re-hashing the first movie now? I thought they would save that for part 4! And then she just goes back upstairs and…talks to Toby again like earlier.
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore”
…Shit, is about to get real.
The next day, Dennis finds a weird marking in the closet. However, there’s no time for that as Kristi is mysteriously sick. They leave to take her to the hospital, and Randy is left in charge of Katie.
And since things are so tense…Katie wants to play Bloody Mary. Like most kids! So they head to the bathroom to do it. Why Randy won’t drop the camera for this, I don’t know. After they do it, Randy turns the light on too soon for katie’s taste.
And…I’m not gonna lie: This is the best scene in the movie. First off, the lights are off after they say it, and the scene is very tense. They hear a noise. Turn the light on. There is a scratch on Randy’s body.
Then there are more noises. The room starts shaking. It stops, and the two are in shock. This whole bit is, brilliant. It builds great suspense and tension. It does loud scares well, and it all feels real. The way katie reacts to this, is surprisingly done well by this child actor.
I actually feel bad for these people. And THAT is what the other films were missing. Excellently directed scenes like this.
Eventually, things calm down, and Dennis./julie come home. Randy somehow is able to not have Julie see that he is freaked out and goes to the video room to get his stuff. Dennis shows up and asks what is going on.
Randy explains, and he decides he’s out. Dennis sees what happened on the tapes, and talks to Julie. And…she doesn’t buy it. Despite the fact that it is very possible that he is right, and that all signs point to the demon…she doesn’t buy it.
She doesn’t watch the tapes. She doesn’t even ask Randy or the kids about it. Wow, what a fucking idiot. But to be fair, Dennis doesn’t suggest doing those things either. He just rambles about a witches’ coven that brainwashed girls of child-bearing age into having sons, forcing them to give up their sons and yada yada.
But Julie is an even bigger idiot, sorry. She even goes on to complain about Dad working on the demon stuff, which means she must have the anti-help disease that carly from Transformers 3 had. In the middle of this, Katie has hair pulled by the demon and runs to Julie.
Julie listens to pleas and sees this as proof of what Randy says and tries to-oh what, that’s what would happen if she was smart. Kate talks about how Toby pulled her hair.
“This is your fault”
Wow, just wow. Let’s move on before I rant some more. They sure do, without explaining anything. It moves on to Night 14, where The demon decides to fuck around with the girls in another awesomely directed scene For whatever reason no one hears this, the demon stops for some reason, and the girls go to bed.
The next day, , Kristi asks her mother to take them to her grandmother Lois’s home, but she refuses. Yes, after all the dennis stuff, creepy noises, AND your little girl saying all this while looking genuinely sad….you still don’t buy it. Fuck you.
And of course after the girls walk away, the demon trashes the kitchen for Julie to see. This convinces her to to go to grandma’s. Man, that was comedic.
So they head to Grandma’s and bring the camera cuz why not. Naturally the family doesn’t discuss anything, nor does Dennis asks girls about what happened. This movie is so smart, yet so dumb.
At night, there’s another tense scene as Julie hears noises and goes to check it out. She doesn’t come back and Dennis tries to find her. He can’t find the girls either and he stumbles around. It’s actually a decently spooky scene, which isn’t a shock in this movie.
He enters the garage to find a ton of old women. He runs inside and finds Julie dead. Not only that but it seems the demon wants to play catch as he throws the body at Dennis. He finds Kristi and hides with her.
It’s dark in the closest, which makes this bit pretty creepy as pounding noises are heard. Come on kids, the demon just wants to kill you-i mean play!
They leave to see nothing is there, but Katie. Dennis walks over to Katie only to have her let out a demonic scream. Dennis is thrown back and breaks his leg. He tries to crawl but Grandma Lois seems to be part of the old woman cult and fucks around with him.
Oh, and she also has demon powers and contorts his body, killing him. It’s awesome. She beckons to the two girls, and they leave.
“Come on toby”
Static, cut to black. Roll Credits. Yeah,…weird ending, eh? I’d go on about how this doesn’t make sense, especially when you match it up with the series continuity…
But…it’s still pretty awesome. At this point, I can let my guard down just this once. However, this will negatively effect the review. So finally, we’re done.
It took three movies, but PA finally did a movie I really liked. It’s never dull, has likable character, features great atmosphere, and the story is still fairly interesting. The first two films tried to do this, but this one really got it right. Even when It wasn’t scary, it was entertaining as hell. It’s a slow burning film without being boring.
Add an active demon to that, and you have the best film in the series. On the other hand…it’s kind of stupid. The first 20 minutes alone had a lot to rant about. There are a ton of stupid things in this, mostly to do with Julie.
So the problems with the series are still there, though not as big. However, it does hinder the film for a lot of people, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t bug me too. I honestly would have liked it less if the good things weren’t so damn good.
I mostly loved how they away my other problems with the franchises. It’s not annoying, or boring. It has some of the same issues, but the good things make up for it. I hope one day they make a PERFECT PA movie, but since I hear 4 sucks…that may not happy.
But whatever, we still have this one, which is pretty damn good. Usually i’d knock points for the bad stuff, but the good stuff is good, it’s getting..
Well, that’s another review in the-…okay, I just heard more noises. This shit has been happening all week. I think there’s…something that doesn’t want me to do this review. My computer derps out, then I get sick!
Some…thing is in my house. No wait, that’s just silly.
Whoa! That boom was so big I typed It for some reason. Something is going on. It can’t be a demon, cuz SKEPTICISM. I’ll go upstairs to see what is going..
Oh, and i’ll bring my laptop to type what I am doing. That seems smart. Okay, i’m walking upstairs with perfect spelling/grammar somehow. The lights just went out.
That’s not a good sign. I hear noises in the attic. I’ll go up there. Well, actually I have 2 attics, and there’s a simple door to one. I’ll do that and type everything I do. Heading in.,
Door closed behind me. Shit, i’m scared me. oh…freaky noises. That can’t be good. It’s dark in here, man. I could put down my laptop and make this easier, and even fix my problem somehow, but nah.
Okay, I think I bumped into something. Something big. oh…i see it. OH WHAT ARE YOU?! WHAT YOU WANT WITH-
Thomas Blalock’s body was never found. No one knows what happened, or how.
(TO BE CONTINUED…)