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Of all the tween Cisney stars, the one that has fared the best is Selena Gomez. Sure, a few others are doing well, but Gomez has been able to break into the mainstream rather well.
With movie roles, music, and more, she’s been capturing the hearts of NORMAL people for once! And its’ easy to why. She’s funny, She’s talented-
She’s nice. And despite dating he who must not be named, I usually like her in most things she is in. And next week we’ll see her in an R rated movie, in a bikini, known as Spring Breakers.
I’m hyped. But today, we are looking at her first big live action movie. (granted, she isn’t the main main character, but she’s the tallest person on the poster). Which I had never heard of until Disney (it’s owned by fox so why) channel had an ad for their premiere of it. Turns out, it beat Monte Carlo for her first real film.
I was gonna review that, and I started on it…but it gave me very few jokes. It was “meh” but Gomez was actually very good in it, putting in a heartfelt performance and lifting any cliché moments her character has. I’d give a C-<.
But let’s look at a film where she is a supporting player, but still important. It’s also based on a book series i’ve never read, so I won’t be comparing it.
This, is Ramona and Beezus
The movie opens with narration by our main character, a little girl named Ramona.
“I’m 9 and no matter what my sister Beezus tells you, i’m not a pest.”
Right from the start, I can tell she’ll be one of the good little girls of the film world. You know, the kind who actually seem fun and are aware people don’t like her type. even if she does look like every little girl ever seen.
Right now she’s playing on the monkey bars during recess with her friend Howie. Only she isn’t quite brave on this thing, cuz once she looks down, she imagines she’s hanging over a bigass canyon. She’s also funny and imaginative? Wow, i’m liking this already!
The recess bell brings her back to the real world. Everyone goes back inside except for her, as she got a bit tangled up and the teacher had to get her out. On the bus, everyone is making jokes about it, in good taste, and she’s joining them.>
AND she has a good attitude being embarrassed and now in a sue way? My god, I think I ran into a surprise!
She goes home to find a brother she dislikes, and all that good stuff. She also a sister named Beatrice, who is called Beezus played by Selena Gomez. She’s your typical big sister, only it’s not that she’s a bitch in general, it’s just a typical sibling thing from what I can tell.
<span style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;"Not even 5 minutes in, and just this normal life is far better than half the movie's I've seen for this blog. Anyway, Dad comes home. We get typical family banter, but thankfully, they don't over do it. Mostly cuz Selena's charm keeps them all in check.
<span style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;"And then Beezus gets her report card, which is pretty good. I also like that this big sister actually seems to like her family okay already, before any of that emotional stuff can come in. is this film just MADE for Mr cliché hater aka me?
Ramona is less than pleased with her life, as her report card which says she lacks focus.
‘Disputes the need to spell words correctly”
HUG ME KINDRED SPIRIT
“Has very little respect for the rules of grammar”
…Okay I’m sure this is my long lost sister. Anyway, she defends herself by saying the teacher Is uptight and won’t allow QUIRKY-NESS
So here’s her problem: Everybody loves Beezus but isn’t fond of Romana in the same way. Oh it’s THAT sister dynamic…the one that while cliché is normally better? Hmm…I’m okay with this!
“I’m gonna say a bad word”
Shit’s about to get real
DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?!
Everyone laughs at her kiddie swearing. What a bunch of bitch ass shit tit turd cock suckers. Anyway, with that, we cut to later as Mom talks to her outside
Ramona Is not happy about how they laughed at her epic swearing. They have a talk about how life is, and how Ramona is feeling. Mom gives her a locket with a picture of young mom in it. Cheesy, but eh it’s not the worst attempt at sweet i’ve seen.
The next day things start out fun…but then dad gets home. He seems okay but once Romana and Bezus (fuck it, it’s easier) walk off, he and Mom talk. While that do that, Romana and her sister actually sort of bond a bit while thinking of what the parents might be talking about.
You may spot some of these cliches, like the small bit where we see the siblings CAN get along before they truly hate each other later, but In this case, it does sort of work. It may be due to the acting and how it does go against anything bad that may enter the script. This movie is defying all expectations.
After that, they go inside and asks mom what is going on. Turns out, dad was let go from his job. Wah whah.
Ramona and Bea aren’t happy. Since that means their family is sorta kinda in debt. Bea thinks they’ll become poor, but Ramona is optimistic. That night, Ramona hears a sound, and like any sister, Bea tries to scare her
It works. So far, Bezus seems to be a slightly nicer version of Alex russo, the gomez archetype, as I will call it. I dig it.
So anyway, Dad is now in the job interview phase. At school, we get a lovely out of context line
So then there’s show and tell. Well, sort of. They talk about something special in their lives Ramona goes up and talks about some weird stuff, which doesn’t please the teacher who thinks she’s full of shit
I don’t know, earlier we saw construction guys and I guess they made a hole in the house? The wikipedia summary makes NO mention of it
Ramona is not pleased, as she passes by howie’s house, and she bumps into his uncle hobart, played by blog returning actor jush duamel. You may remember him as that one military dude in transformers 3
As it turns out, he was high school sweethearts with roman’s aunt. Dad confirms this. He also says that he didn’t get the job. After a bit, she hears Mom and Dad talking, and somehow “bank take the house” enters their conversation, which leads to an imagine spot where such a thing happens
I like these imagine bits, they are kinda cool. Anyway the parents leave for a parent teacher conference. Ramona is still un-happy that they may lose their house somehow, but Bea is a bit busy being a teenager
Apeaking of a bea, aunt bea shows up and she’s not happy about how Hobart wants to do her again. She says that they had a bit of an issue, which is why she doesn’t want anything to do with him
so Ramona wants to make money to fix all their problems. First off, she tries a lemonade aid stand. Man, every kid in TV/movies has to do this, yet I never did this in real life. …But I made a snow cone stand once….i only sold one…to the mailman
<span style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;"Aanyway, the paperboy, who beezus likes, shows up. Also, out of context line
“Last time I saw you in pajamas, we were playing sheep in the christmas pageant. But it’s a good look for ya”
Yes. Yes it is.
…Moving on, they banter a bit. Beezus has a lemonade, but a fly ends up in it, so she spits it at henry, the paperboy. WAH WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAH
By the way, Henry is played by Zeke from Zeke and Luthor. That’s cool.
Of course, Beesuz is pissed off
“What I do that was so bad?”
“You embarrassed me in front of Henry”
No…that was the fly. That is the last straw, as Ramona is always a pain to her, and even gave her that nickname of Beezus. I assume she gave it to her cuz she thought she was jesus…which would be awesome
“I was a baby then!”
“Who would ever love a girl named Beezus?”
I never said that
But what does Aamona answer with?
So next aamona tries a car wash…for 20 bucks. Geez, and Troy thought 5 was too much! AND THEN THE CAR WASH COST 20 DOLLARS
It doesn’t work out. Anyway, still outside, Aunt Bea shows up and tells her to walk to the house normally and pretend creepy hobart isn’t there
That doesn’t work when aunt bea trips. But…then hobart sees the sign for the car wash, and asks Ramona to wash his jeep for 100 bucks…and a chat with aunt bea
damn, this guy is desperate…I like him!
Aunt bea and hob sit in the car while it is being washed. Hob tries to make amends for whatever happened.
They talk about the stuff that has gone on today, and how dumb he was back in the day. But then through a wacky hose accident, the car gets a bunch of paint on it. Wah wah
This doesn’t make him happy at all, but ramona apologizes. But he bullshits his way out of this by saying it looks fine right now. But since getting it fixed takes money, he lets it stay anyway
so the next day, it’s [picture day. Ramona wants herself to be picture perfect
“this is a curling iron, not a magic wand”
beesuz said that. Actor allusion or coincidence?
At lunch, romana gets out a hard boiled egg from her lunch bag, and tries out a cracking trick dad showed her earlier. Except…dad put in a raw egg by mistake so when she taps it on her egg, the yolk gets in her hair. Ew
teacher tries to get out, but messes her hair in the process. Thus, her picture looks pretty bad. .later, she complains about it to dad. They talk about how much of a “nuisance” ramona is according to other people. But he assures her she is fine, she just has too much energy
so she helps out around the house in amusing ways. As a result of her work, she gets her on room, as she previously shared one with beesuz. Speaking of, they bicker a bit and bee scares her some more and all that good stuff.
That night, Ramona hears noises again, and bee’s little speech about monsters isn’t helping. Of course she survives the night and the next day, Ramona is in music class.
During class, the libby of the class is in front of her, and ramona pulls her hair
“i can’t help it, you’re mesmerizing”
but then susan, the chick, pulls the woobie card…by accident. She knows Ramona is a bit rough at home, with dad, but libby chick casually says that when her dad got laid off, mom sold her house, dad got a new car and moved. ]
This starts to bug Ramona, as this may happen to her. And..she throws up on some drums. At least we don’t see the barf..
this is another strike against her with the teacher. I must say, that I do quite like Ramona, as she gets in interesting situations, and coems across fun, imaginative, and likable. She’s not just a brat, she has reasons for acting out. Hell, she’s a little bit like Greg Heffley in that most of the time, she gets caught in unpleasant situations…only Ramona is a like nicer.
She could have easily been a brat who never gets it, but she acts like any little kid would. She’s not bad, she gets caught at the wrong place at the wrong time, like any person
so at home, dad says they can spend a day together doing what she wants. Instead of doing some crazy idea she had, they draw a bit picture together., they bond this way and dad sees that even though he’s a jobless bum at least he has a reason to keep going
PHINEAS: Wow, corny, but apparently effective!
That sums it up. If you want the non-reference version: maybe cliché, but eh, it works since I already like the characters.
Later, Beezus and Henry are talking about the whole dad job thing. She worries that maybe he has to get a bad job so he can get money for them. And so the development floweth forth!
They bond and we cut to the next day at school as ramona presents that long picture. Ths makes her a hit with the class, and the teacher
oh, and I forgot to mention, susan is a kid model in a commercial, complete with bundles of merch and shes’ called a princess. At home, Ramona and bee are looking at one of susan’s shirts
“every princesses needs a little sparkle”
but no needs a princess, just ask bronies
ALTERNATIVE JOKE: fuck yeah, sparkle sparkle sparkle!
That night, dad gets banished to the…downstairs mattress. He tells the kids not to worry. The next day, they are auditioning for an new commercial princess chick, and Ramona tries out
however, when Ramona runs to say hi to aunt bea, she sees her with hobbart, so he is talking about how even though he tried to forget bea, he couldn’t. He came back here for her, hence why he was sort of creepy before
after seeing this, Ramona shrugs it off as she goes to the audition. Spoilers, she fails. The next day, after a bit of a hair mess, dad and mom leave for work, leaving Bee in charge
not conditionally , full time. Ramona tries to cook dinner but ends up, shock of all shockers, burning it. Bee was too busying arguing with Ramona to notice it, hence why it went so badly
“you will never change, will you?! God, for a moment there I thought you were actually maturing but you will always be a little pest!”
“everything you touch, you mess up…including my love life”
“you have a love life?”
THAT is how you put a joke in an emotional scene. So yeah, Ramona is pissed cuz she is a screw up, and bee is pissed cuz she tries to be okay but Ramona keeps fucking things up, no one is a bad guy, it’s just a set of bad stuff that didn’t end in anyone’s favor. You know, like in real life.
See Hollywood, we don’t need your set of cliches and plotlines, This and wimpy kid PROVE you can just show a lfie and set things up like how real lfie does it. Sure, this film has it’s set of cliches I see,but somehow, they all blend right.
This scene is a perfect example of that, for reasons I explained so Ramona goes to the basement to find their cat, picky picky, but finds it dead
OH COME ON!
So now they are both in trouble. So they bury him in the backyard. It’s actually quite emotional. As the two stop bickering to honor the death of their beloved cat.]
that night, they tell mom about what happened. Mom is happy that they settled it well. Dad gets home and announces he got a job!
But the job is up in Oregon, which means moving. So the cat is dead, dad has a job in another state, and they might move. It hasn’t been the best night
That night, Beezus asks that Ramona sleep with her tonight and they talk about how they aren’t ready for a new house or anything. Ramona laments that Beezus is loved more than here, but Bee says those people don’t really know who she is, except for henry.
“and that took 15 years. Who else will waste 15 years gettign to know me”
in my wimpy kid reviews, I loved the quiet moments where character stuff sinks in. this is that, ten fold. I mean…damn. I knew nothing about this movie going in, but…i like it!
“i know you think being different is bad, but it’s not”
Remember how in livng dimmy 2, both sisters were jelly for different reasons? Here it is again, both want what the other has for the same reasons, and they end up sort of bonding over it.
So later, everyone is fixing up the yard so they can sell the house. Mom talks to aunt bee, who says that hobart wants aunt bea to go with him to Alaska, for a thing, but Aunt bea isn’t ready for that.
While touching up the garden, Ramona reluctantly helps and grabs the water hose. While doing this, she accidentally squirts Hobart, who is next door with his family in their backyard. Hobart, believing Bea had purposely shot him with the water hose, retaliates with a bucket of water
thus…WATER FIGHT! Ramona wins by turning the sprinklers on hobbart. A guy tries to turn off the sprinklers, but breaks the shut off valve and the pipes of the sprinklers begin to burst, flooding the backyard.
The flood reveals a shoebox that hobart recognizes.. It holds the keepsakes from the relationship they had as teenagers that he had stored inside the shoebox. And in the heat of the moment, …he proposes to her.
And…bea accepts. I noticed that movie takes moments that could have been awfully cliché and makes them extremely sweet, well written, and awesome. This, is the king of those moments
and they kiss under the sprinkler rain. Okay, why does it always “rain” during moments like this’? Can’t it ever be sunny?
So Ramona get them together, even if it was by accident. Both families head into the neighbor’s home to dry off, as the “open house” is occurring at Ramona’s house. So thus, they have a wedding I n3 days. Hey, if phineas and ferb can do it in one day…
“all we need is love, and a few bridesmaids”
as long as there’s no kristen wiig, i’m good
instead, Ramona rejects cuz Aunt bea said she wouldn’t get reeled in by hob. She runs to her attic.
But…the beams are unable to support her weight and break, leaving Ramona’s legs dangling from the roof during the open house. Geez, this chick’s luck is on par with greg’s!
They get her out. Dad scolds her as this is the last straw for her antics.
/’You said you were going to be more responsible!”
“can’t you see I;m trying?”
jesus, movie! This is like every feel scene from every wimpy kid movie, only not quite as strong, but still…damn!
Being a little kid, she pulls the running away stuff. Mom tries to talk her out of it, but humors her, knowing she’ll be back within the hour. At least, that’s how it seems.
She actually packs for her, dropping little lines that will help to make ramona regret this and do what I just said. She walks out as a she imagines traveling to far places.
She gets to a bus stop (they let her get that far?). She looks in the suitcase, finding stuff mom put there, that shows how together she and the family were. That mom is a sly bitch…i like it!
Of course, Ramona doesn’t get on the bus, as the family shows up in a car. They reunite, and all that d’awwww stuff.
Turns out, mom also made the bag heavy so she couldn’t get far. So Ramona realizes things aren’t so bad.
3 days later at the wedding, Ramona and Beezus clasp hands as they head down the aisle as bridesmaids so yeah, hobart tells aunt bea that he knows he was an idiot, but now he’s smart and such, and promises he will spend the rest of his life making up for it by being sweet and awesome and such
Bea thanks Ramona. Many feels later, hobart kisses the bride. During the reception, Henry talks to Beezus and since bee is moving, they pretty much confess love and have a kiss, in a quiet moment that works.
They dance as well. So Ramona ended up helping everyone in the end with her quirky-ness, and dad thanks her for that as they talk.
Better, dad is getting a job as an art teacher at ramona’s school which makes her happy.
“you really did save us, kiddo”
yep, he got that job all thanks to Ramona showing off that long pic. See, they tied her thing into everyone else. God, this movie keeps surprising me, in a good way
The teacher, who is also there, has a moment with Ramona, showing she isn’t quite that bad. So the whole wedding thing ends, and bea and hobart are headed off to their honeymoon
Ramona gives Bea a locket and is told she is extraordinary, as bea drives off. Everyone waves, as they drive off happily married.
So Ramona proved her quirky-ness was good as she helped her Dad get a job, helped her aunt marry, and helped her sister in a few ways. They let that all sink in instead of explaining it, which I very much applaud.
They all walk into the house, as the credits roll. ..C.ould have sealed off the sister thing a bit better, but hey a sweet abrupt ending is better than a drawn out bad ending
I knew nothing going into this. I didn’t know the plot or even the genre. I just wanted a Gomez movie to review, not knowing she was just a secondary part.
When I looked at a bit at some of the plot, I thought I’d hate it, as it has everything I can’t stand: Syrup-y sweet-ness, little girl, all those cliches and such. But somehow..
It ended up being one of the biggest surprises I’ve seen on this blog! I went into this blind, and liked it. First up, Selena Gomez did indeed do a good job making an almost bitch sister funny, and likable. She is part of why a lot of the moments work rather than fall flat
She did not overshadow Ramona despite being played by a big star, and that is something I rarely see.
I like it for the same reasons I liked most of wimpy kid. It came out in the same year, and under the same company, so it only makes sense. Instead of always relying on a big cliché plot line, it’s just a little slice of life.
Everything is seen in an almost neutral way as we see both sides and get where everyone Is coming from, but in the end we can still side with who we are meant to side with.
It could have easily fell flat cuz of Ramona. But she ended up being likable due to being imaginative but not annoying, curious but not nosy, and ended up being this fun, likable girl without being too sweet or annoying. That’s no small feat, and I think Joey king, who plays her, will go places
Well, she was in oz the great and powerful this weekend, and I hear she KILLED it in that. So clearly she’s doing well…by the by, I didn’t even know she was in Oz til halfway through the review, so I ended up going this cuz of actress who isn’t even the main character.
Sure, the plot could have been tighter, it has some dumb moments, and that Ramona/Beezus thing could have had a /bit/ more closure, given their names are in the title. But they still do it well, and it manages to be very sweet but not too sickening
Every time it gets a bit too sweet, they stop by either having the actors bring it down, or cutting to something else. They knew what would happen if they failed, so they made it as good as they could.
Sure, it’s not a perfect movie, and not a classic by any means, but the fact that it’s funny, well written, sweet and well acted despite me not expecting much, means a lot
Is it great? Nah, but it’s still pretty good considering how I thought going into it. Ramona and Beezus, you’re all right