Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Hello, Spongey here

I admit it, I’m a sucker for R rated comedies. I don’t know what it is about them, but they usually to manage to be both raunchy AND funny.

Movies like horrible bosses, the hangover and Ted have won the hearts of millions, myself included.  Sure I don’t like all of them, but I usually watch them anyway

And one movie that likely helped add to the trend in the first half of the 2000’s was Harold and Kumar go to white castle. It was about two guys who well…go to white castle. Except tons of shit happened and hilarity ensued.

At the end of the movie, Harold finally scores a girl he likes, but she tells him she is going to Amsterdam on Business. Kumar suggests they go there to surprise her, and the film ended on that note.

And since the movie made a lot of money, a sequel containing from that thread had to be made.

Most people aren’t fond of this sequel. But is it as bad as everyone says? Well…not to me. But let’s dig in and see WHY I don’t mind it..

This, is Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

So the opening credits play, with the title in fancy font, set to classy music. And…then we see  kumar taking a shit while harold is taking a shower


This is Harold and Kumar, played on John Cho and kal penn. (Hey, kal was in son of the mask, another repeat actor!) Harold is the smart, reasonable one, while Kumar is the crazy one. They are both stoners (Kumar moreso) and in the first movie they both learned lessons and stuff.

“Need I remind you that we both just ate 30 burgers and 4 large orders of fries?”

Okay, you get a pass on that..

Kumar finishes up and they both get dressed. One packing montage later, they head to the airport to go to Amsterdam,. Harold is worried that maria, the chick, will think he’s a stalker.

Kumar says not to sweat it, since hey, it’ll take them a whole movie to get there anyway. Naturally, kumar is checked by the security guy. Yes, a random security check.

Oh, did I mention kumar is Indian? Yeah he thinks this isn’t so random…See, racism is the theme of this movie, which is actually handled well, but more on that later.

Since this Security guy is black….but only  a little bit, a big argument ensues. Thankfully, another guy breaks it off and the 2 move on.

But then the run into Kumar’s ex-girlfriend, Vanessa, played by Danneel Harris. He obviously still has the hots for her. However, she is engaged to a douche named colton, who is also there. Yeah, the asshole boyfriend cliché

Well, to be fair, he’s not shown as much of a dick . It’s just that Kumar isn’t fond of him. Well…he turns into a dick later, but since it’s done well, I’ll let it pass.

They leave, and kumar is heartbroken. But harold tells him to shrug it off as they board the plane. That night, Harold goes to the bathroom but Kumar joins on, having snuck a bong on board. A smokeless bong he made, nonetheless!

Harold doesn’t approve, and storms off. He leaves the door open, which lets an old lady get a peek at the bong…which she mistakes for a bomb


Oh boy..

Everyone is woken up, and even the normal people think it’s a bomb. Kumar tries to tell them, but they hear it wrong. I’ll let it slide, since hey,. That’s the joke.

He trips and it shatters, letting out smoke….which they mistake for gas. 3 guys tackle the 2 (idk why harold was a suspect but okay).

They turn the plane around and take the two “terrorists” back to the US. It’s in a cut to the US airport that we meet our villain, Ron fox, played by Rob Corddry. He’s a  Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security. And man, he steals the show. You’ll see why as  we go along

This other guy who is of higher power than Ron is off on an ice fishing trip. One of these other guys points that he should be alerted of this.

“Isn’t this of higher importance?”

“Listen officer dipshit, you’ve obviously never been ice fishing before”

“I have not”

“Well, it’s fucking exhilarating “

His acting alone makes it funny, but trust me, he only gets funnier.

So Harold and kumar have been captured, and Ron and his buddies are watching them. Harold is more than a little pissed at what kumar has gotten them into

But their argument is stopped when Ron steps in. He of course thinks they are terrorists, even when the duo tries to say the truth. Now, ron is shown to be…quite the idiot, (and racist as we see later) so I can get why this is happening. See, in this movie I  can excuse idiocy, as it it’s clearly the joke. It’s a comedy, I think.

So the two are taken to, of course, Guantanamo Bay. So now they are locked up, and harold is beyond pissed. In the middle of that, two REAL terrorists in the cell next to them start arguing with them

“If you americans, would stop eating donuts and started realizing  what their government is doing to the world, assholes like us wouldn’t exist!”

“Fuck you, donuts are awesome”

haw. Yeah, if I quote every funny joke, we’ll be here all day

The “assholes” back up after they tell them they are about get a…cockmead sandwhich. What’s that? You’re about to find out

A guy comes in the real terrorist cell and…makes them suck his dick. Yeah, what’s it is. It also doubles as a semi funny gay joke!

However, this guy isn’t taking care of ours heroes, no, that would be…big bob. You can imagine what he looks like, so I’ll spare you the pic.

Before they get their fate, kumar says what we are all thinking: All the guards are gay?

“NO! Ain’t nothing gay about getting your dick sucked! Your the ones thats gay for sucking my dick”

Spoken like a true poet.

We are spared a naked big dick,. But our imagination is worse than what the movie could show us.

But before they suck his dick…the terrorists, bite their dudes’ junk and when big bob comes over, they kick their asses! Wow, terrorists are awesome!

….I never said that

With the door open, the two run away. With the help of a couple other guys, they escape. Short movie!

Okay, there’s like way more to go. But still, they escape 20 minutes in? So the movie should have been called “Harold and kumar go to amsterdam” since they do what the title says early on! Nitpicking aside, let’s move on.

They run into a river with a boat of dudes going to america. They end up in Miami, where it turns out a friend of theirs lives. His named is Raza, and they head to his sweet house.

As it turns out, Raza is having a huge party, with many girls,…all pant-less, exposing their hoo-has. Well, so many movies have naked boobs, I think the other part deserves screen time too.

RAZA: I’m, sick of all the hype over topless. I’m starting the bottomless trend

Okay then. But who cares about naked woman, where’s ron?! He just heard about how the duo escaped, and he is not happy.

‘”Find out if they have any relatives in the country!”

‘You should have done that  in the first place”

Oh yeah, ron has an assistant  named  John who is his foil. As it turns out, john looked up the two and found  out they are pretty clean. He even thinks they shouldn’t have been in the bay  in the first place.

Funny thing, they ended  up in jail in the first  movie thanks to a racist cop. Guess that never ended up on their record. Anyway, ron reacts…like this.

He holds up a pic of pretty white girls

“Do you want her to get raped and murdered?”

“Of course not”

“Cuz this is america, do you want to rape america?”


“Then stop fucking with me”

I love this guy. Oh, and since you’ll kill me if I don’t make the obvious joke..

“Does he look like a bitch!? THEN STOP FUCKING HIM LIKE ONE!”

Moving on, harold and kumar tell Raza what is going on. They remember that Colton has political connections, so they sadly need his help to clear their names.

Raza lends them a car so they head up to Texas to see Colton. Meanwhile, their parents are at ron’s  place having found out what is going on.

Tey aren’t happy about this,. Since they know they are fine guys But ron won’t listen to kumar’s very indian father. He uses a translator guy(played by ed helms) , despite his fluent English.

Harold’s very Korean dad finds this offensive as well, but ron isn’t having any of it. The translator guy isn’t any smarter. Thankfully, John pipes in and nicely asks if the duo have any friends nearby, and they say raza.

Ron still isn’t having any the parents shit, and says harold and kumar are doing down, dead or alive.

Back with the duo themselves, they are still cruising in the car, as they are in Alabama. Harold is still a tiny bit pissed that his visit with maria has been delayed.

Now, I’ll say that some people feel that the duo got flanderization in this movie, but while I do think it gets a tiny bit extreme in some scenes, they are still just the same as they were before. Besides, if you were harold in this situation, you’d act the same.

Anyway, kumar sits back and has a flashback. Years ago, we see him in a library where everyone is being loud…and he asks to be quiet. Oh yeah, did I mention this flashback explains how he become his stoner self?

Kumar goes to back of the room for some quiet. And it’s here where  he met…Vanessa. He was in love, and even helps with her some work she’s doing.  He’ actually pretty smart here, as she notices

“My dad taught  me calculus in 6th grade”

“hah, what are you like dougie howeser or something?”

Heh…you’ll laugh if you know what happened in the first movie. Anyway,.She sees kumar’s notebook, and he tries to stop her from reading this cheesy poem he had written in it. He refuse to  to read it to her, and he mentions he’s just stressed out..

So of course, she gives him a joint. Yes, this is showing how  kumar became the stoner he is today. I do like how they this chick into the story, instead of making her a dull love interest. Not complex, but fun.

Kumar of course refused at first, but he bit the bullet, and his life began that day,. Kuamr fell In love…and he almost met a chick.

Harold brings us back to the present. The two are now lost in Alabama,. They then spot a big group of black guys, that are playing basketball, and blocking their way

Harold is afraid to drive through since they seem scary…not cuz they are black, cuz they look scary.. kumar agrees, and they tries to drive out,  but they crash it into a fire Hydrant. The water from it lands on the black guys’ boombox, which pissed them off.

They start to walk up to the two, and they scared as shit. The two quickly flee on foot….but it turns the black guys were actually trying to help fix their car. Wah wah

Yeah, I do like how this movie mocks those kind of stereotypes. Speaking of racism, let’s bring ron back in! The next day he and his crew show up to investigate their crashed car.

And since black people are here, Ron starts being racist. One of the guys was a witness, so it’s interagation time. Being ron, he thinks this guy is up to bad shit. So to torture some answers out of him…he pours grape soda.

“Yo, that’s racist man!”

Exactly. And it’s also hilarious,.

John tries to knock some sense into him, and says that the dude is okay. Ron asks how else they could find Harold and kumar…and john goes into techno babble saying how they can find them.

Speaking of, the two are now in the woods, deep into Alabama. Harold is still freaking out while kumar is playing it cool.. he takes in the landscape, and even sees a baby deer..

which gets shot. Wah wah

The shot came from a hunter here, who is actually pretty cool. Despite the whole, deer killing. The duo tells him that they are lost, and he gives them a place to stay for the night.

He takes them to his typical house…which actually looks pretty cool on the inside. He also has a hot wife, which reminds me of a similar scene in the first one, only this plays out very differently.

The hunter and his wife get into an argument over something stupid. Actually, this is pretty fun since he acts kinda like a teen to her father. Yyou know, going “why can;’t  I have this my friends have it’. It’s…amusing right now.

Oh. and the chick playing the wife, is once again, someone in a movie I reviewed.  It’s vera, from home alone 4! At least this movie doesn’t suck like that one..

So the duo wants to leave, but they clean up their act and ask them to stay for dinner,. Even better, they have weed!
“You know, I always assumed people from the south were…”

“A bunch of dumb rednecks?”

Yeah, that’s our next target. One thing I like about this series, is that it attacks everybody, but it not in a mean way. More in a “everybody’s gotta laugh at themselves” kinda way. Its’ prettty cool

“yeah, we try to keep our inbreed son in the basement!”

hunter guy is a good sport about this, as you see. Anyway, someone knocks on the door, and they assume it’s ron and his buddies. They explain to the hutner what is going on, and he lets them hide in the basement

the basement is all dusty and creepy, but free of  plants or stalker boys. But they bump into a weird thing in there and get scared. And…it’s an ugly cyclops monster. …yeah, this movie is weird

they quickly run out and tell the hunter guy, turns out it wasn’t ron, just a neighbor. But back to the monster…inbred son. Yeah…the wife is the dude’s sister

yeah, some likely thought this joke went to far, and maybe so, but…i found it okay,. Hell, hunter guy tells the duo that get it on, but they shouldn’t be judged for it. So that makes it a bit less odd, and even brings it back to funny again

so the duo stays for the night.  Kumar dreams about doing it with vannesa…and a bag of weed. Yeah, it’s actually fucking hilarious. It’s actually an extension of a great joke from the first movie, but I won’t get into it

sure, it’s pointless, but hey, I found it funny. Harold tries to sleep but…finds the inbred son in his bed. The duo promptly leaves.

Anyway, harold talks up how disaster follows them and they’ll never get to colton. Oh, I forgot to mention: Colton is in texas for his wedding with Vanessa. Kumar let’s it slip that his plan is to fuck up the wedding

Harold is pissed, and says Colton treats him a let better than kumar does

“Colton got me a job. You got me thrown into Guantanamo Bay”

good point,.

Harold accuses Kumar of being jealous, since Colton is better than him. ]

“At least Vanessa’s not in Amsterdam, getting plowed by European dudes”

ouch. In the height of the moment, kumar talks shit about harold like that. They start to fight, but hear some noises..

as it turns out, it’s coming from a Ku Klux Klan rally.. yeah, here’s a minor issue with the movie: some of it IS a tad forced. The film itself isn;t, as it’s a natural sequel, but unlike the first movie, some of the ideas feel a bit too big for it. The 3rd film has MAGIC, and yet it still stays in that normal real, not getting too big or too silly.

But in this, some of it feels just a tiny bit forced. I get that it’s a big deal, with them being fugitives  but stuff like this feels a bit too forced, and while it doesn’t the movie from being funny, it does make you think they pulled this out of the random idea hat, instead of being part of the story.

But with that said, let’s move on. They hide in a bush…but two klansmen stop to take a piss in it.  Lovely.

So they jump up, beat the guys, and put on their clothes to blend in. as it turns out, the klan knows how to party. So then they sit down at a fire, and say what they did to a minority recently

it gets awkward, when they ask harold to speak up. He just tells them he knee’d an indian guy in the balls. Kumar responds

“I took a korean guys toothbrush and rubbed it all over my dick”


“…that’s downright disgusting. BUT I LIKE IT!”

…but then the real klansmen show up and revel the duo. They chase them, but the leader accidentally  lights himself on fire (don’t ask), letting the two get away

…yeah, i’ll pull it out

big liippedf

next, they flag down a car. And who is in it?


…let me explain. In the first movie, they picked up a high on Ecstasy Neil patrick harris, shit happened, like he stole their car and stuff, but at the end he not only gave it back, but payed for their white castle burgers.

It was the funniest thing in the whole movie. I love it when actors play themselves, and just do crazy versions of themselves,. Thankfully, neil never feel in love with adam sandler in drag.

This version of NPH is..well all the man-whore-ness of Barney stinson, but with less charisma. And it’s hilarious. But back to this movie.

Now, here was his last line in the last movie.

“where are you going?{“

“Wherever god takes me”

and in here…

“what are you going here?”

“This is where god took me”

fair enough.

As it turns out, Neil is headed to Texas too. He offers them shrooms,. But even they have to decline.  Back with Ron, he found kumar’s phone (I skipped that part) and is now interrogating Harold and kumar’s friends from the last movie, ,Rosenberg and Goldstein.. they are jewish, which means more hilarious-ness!

So how does he try to get them to talk? He pours money everywhere. I never thought i’d love a racist guy this much

The two aren’t happy, and just want to know what’s going on. They say they plead the 5th. So what does Ron do? He gets out the bill of right and sticks it up his ass.

How many times can I say he’s hilarious before it gets stale?

“Why the hell is your ass so dirty, don’t you wipe?”

“Don’t ask you questions you don’t wanna know the answers to”


Some guy tells ron that Harold and kumar are heading to texas, speaking of, a shroomed up Neil patrick flips out on the road

only in this movie does that sentence make any sense]

they talk a bit, and kumar tells him about Vanessa, and neil launches an odd “one that got away” story of his own. It’s too insane to quote, that’s all i’ll say. But here’s an OUT OF CONEXT line, free of charge

“Whenever I see a bag of Hersey’s kisses, my balls get so wet”

wait, what’s this?! Ron’s goons set up a road block over there! How will they get out of this one?

The duo hides in the back and NPH takes care of…while on shrooms. Oh god. Ron peeks in the car and talks to Neil.

Ron is honored to meet NPH, Neil tries to simply talk to him…but the shrooms distract him with a unicorn. And on that unicorn is neil

Neil patrick harris trying to talk normal, while seeing himself on a unciorn is literally the funniest thing in this entire movie
it really is too funny for words. Reviewing this movie is kind of dull for me, since there’s only so many ways I can say “that’s funny as hell”

neil talks his way out, and they drive off

“You deserve an oscar for that!”

you really do. However, Neil wants to take a detour at a whorehouse. Oh god..]

yep, they head into the whorehouse. Neil flirts with the whores, some of which have comically huge tits. He takes one to the back.

Kumar also takes a couple,, despite harold’s objections.  With kumar, the film is kind enough to give us some tits to go with that vag from earlier.

What can be better than naked tits? Well kumar asks the two whores to make out

Excuse me

one break later*

k i’m back. You will never know what I was doing during that break. EVER.

Okay usually i’m against stuff like this since, hey, porn can be found online, but it’s a comedy, and it’s not like it’s that bad. Yeah, two chicks making out boobs exposed is more excusable than an ass shot

actually, this bit does go on a tiny bit long. I mean, it pretty much turns into outright porn! Kumar’s reactions are funny, but if someone feels this bit is needless, I get that

but I can excuse it, since …shit, i’m a guy.

And just as I say that, it cuts off right as the ladies say they are gonna fuck kumar. Harold is simply talking with the whores about his feelings.

He’s talking about all the shit kumar put him through and stuff.

“He’s in there, having the time of his life!”

and…kumar is actually talking about his feelings to the whore. Okay, that funny-ness makes up for that porn. It’s both funny and sweet for kumar to talk about his failed love with two whores

but then Neil’s whore runs out screaming…he branded her.

Oh god.  As you expect, everyone Is pissed, and they all run out.  Then…the whore shoots and kills neil as harold and kuamr drive away in fear.


neil grave


okay, yeah that was both funny and odd. How can I bounce back from that?

Like this.

The two drive off, while mourning as much as I am. But they gotta get over it, as they arrive at colton’s place!

However,. Harold doesn’t let kumar out of the car…for obvious reasons. Harold heads inside to talk to Colton…while Vanessa comes outside

She trips and Kumar runs out to help her. He helps her out, and through this, they seem to reconnect. Kumar tells her that he’s here to ask colton for help with their stuff. They then talk some more and you know the drill, it’s sweet as hell

and…then harold and colton show up. Wah wah

Harold Is pissed that kumar left the car but Colton assures him it’s alright. Harold filled him on what is going on, and he says he’s gonna help.

Some other dude takes Vanessa, since she kinda hurt her back there. So Colton and the duo drive off. He takes them to some place

looks like kumar was wrong, he’s not a douche..

and then Ron shows up. Colton turned them in WAH WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAAH!

“Last thing I was letting you guy do was ruin my wedding”

thus, he is now an asshole. Some may feel it’s sudden, but I think it’s fine.  They played with her expectations in a funny and decent matter

angry, the duo are carted off, while colton laughs. They are taken in a plane, back to the bay. Now they are in the deepest of shits

so now harold is supper pissed, and has something to do. Harold has had enough of his shit. Kumar admits he fucked up again.

“I am a fuck up!”

…yeah, you are

“Harold, you are my best friend. I promise, if I find a way out of here, I am going to change”

d;aww, this movie is sweet after all.

But then Harold hatches a plan. See, back in Neils’ car, they found..mace, and just pocketed it. So now, harold tells one of the bodyguard dudes that he has some weed.

Instead,. He maces them. Awesome

While ron is busy with his music, the two take some parachuts and prepare to jump out. However, ron sees them a pulls a gun


but then john the assistant here…pulls a gun on Ron!

“I’ve had enough of your crap! It’s obvious these kids are innocent, but your too dumb to realize that!”


“it’s people like you that make people think amercians are stupid!”

so the roam is: Racism is bad, m’kay?

Okay, I joke, but it;s a great case of some anvils need to be dropped. It’s funny ,and it makes sense!

He tries to tie Ron up  but slips and knocks the plane door open, sucking out everyone inside. Wah wah

as they fall,  harold says he has the parachute and  Kumar to try to get over to him./ it works and they hold onto each other. Ron however, also falling, tries to get a shot on them…but harold pulls parachute. Lifting them up.

Ron falls to his death, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ron fox

A hilarious man is gone..

so anyway, the two head down…but there’s a house in their way, and harold has no idea what he’s doing.  They crash into it, but otherwise, they are okay

The two hug. D’aww

so who lives in that house? Who walks up to them?

George W Bush. Oh god. (played by an actor, don’t worry). This on par with the KKK on randomness…but it’s a lot funnier

so yeah, this is Bush’s texas home, and he takes them over to his recreation room. As it turns out, he’s pretty cool!

He’s all chill, and is okay with the duo landing in his house. Oh, and he also has weed

“You smoke weed than throw people who smoke weed in jail?!”

“you giving handjobs?”


“you like getting handjobs?”


“that makes you a hypocrite too, so shut the fuck up”

truer words have never been spoken

so they smoke and have fun. They tell bush their story, and Bush promises to pardon Harold and Kumar and to help them with whatever they need.

“After all the shit we’ve been through, I don’t if we can trust out government anymore”

“I’m in the government and I don’t even trust in.  you don’t have to believe in your government to be a good american. You just have to believe in your country ”

wow, I learned a lot from this stoner  comedy.

So kumar and harold now head to crash Colton’s wedding, all with the help of the secret service. Yep, that classic type of scene…only it’s funny and not lame

Kumar tells colton to fuck off. Harold tells everyone what colton did to them. No one is pleased. Colton tries to stop them, but Harold beats the shit out of him.


Vanessa is not happy at kumar (which doesn’t make sense, colton was the douche) but kumar tries to make up for it. How? He recites the poem from earlier.

“I fear I will always be a lonely number. Like root 3. a 3 that is always good and right. Why must 3 keep out of sight. Beneath a vicious square root inside. I wish I were a 9 for 9 could  thwart  this evil trick with just some quick arithmetic.  I know i’ll never see the sum as 1.7321. such is my reality. A sad irrationality. When hark, what’s this I see? Another square  root of a 3 has quietly come waltzing by. Together now we multiply. And form a number we prefer. Rejoicing as an integer.    We break through from out mortal bonds and with a wave of magic wands our square root signs become unglued.  Your love for me has been renewed. “

d’aww. See, now kumar is once again developed, an he’s not too much an asshole, and the movie’s heart shines through. People praise part 3 for this, while forgetting that this movie, that they hash it as well! I can see “kumar is a dick” as a valid complaint…except for the 2nd half of this movie,. Which shows his true self just as much as in the other 2 movies. I don’t get it.

Kumar says he loves her, and he’ll never try to make her into something she isn’t. He won’t give  her a great life style like colton, but he still loves her just the same.

They kiss and it’s all happy.  Great…but wait, what about Amsterdam? Yep, they finally get to where they were trying to go to. But…Harold never found exactly where in this place maria is, and he can’t find her.

And just as he tells this to kumar and Vanessa, he sees maria in a nearby place right there. He bites the bullet and heads in to talk to her,. Naturally, she asks why he’s here

He simply says he wanted to surprise her, and since it’s kinda been a week now, she is flattered. If only she knew he was going after her right away..]

so they kiss, and that’s settled. Kumar and Vanessa come in and introduce themselves to her.. so they 4, after a big adventurist, go get fucking high as shit./

roll credits over a touring montage. .  Yeah, that’s all fine..



YEEEEES! But, how is he alive? That my friends, is another story…

Final Thoughts;

no. It’s not as good as the first one. Yes it has some dumb jokes,. Yes Harold can be pushed to the side in the 2nd act. Yes, it the jokes can be forced at times,.

But damn it, I liked it

I think it has most of the charm from the first one. It’s still hilarious, the characters are still charming and funny, and it still has a sweet undertone to it. It still has that “simple thing spirals out of control” thing that I love.

I mostly like how they handle kumar. Really, he’s the star. This should have been called “Kumar and harold” instead, since harold is, like I said, pushed to the side. Though he does shine later on to make up for it,. Kumar is given a lot of depth, and becomes more likeable than before.

My main issue is, like I said, harold gets pushed to the side in act 2, and in that act, we get some pointless stuff and the bar is set low by this sequel. But it has all the charm, and the actors still play off each other wonderfully

It’s also still very funny. Not as funny, but it has so many great moments. Most of them with Ron fox. God, that guy is great. Sure, he’s racist and shit, but he’s a great parody of racist guy and it’s great. Plus, gotta love NPH, even if he dies

It also provides some fine commentary on racism and stuff, and it does prove to be smart. So  I still think it’s worthy sequel to the first one, no matte what anyone says

The 3rd one’s better, but like I said, that’s for another day

Grade: B+

See ya

About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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