Hello, Spongey here
Remember NFL RUSH ZONE: GUARDIANS OF THE CORE?
Of course you do
It was a series of 5 minute shorts, that got put together in one 40 minute special. it was a huge ad for the NFL with JOHN FUCKING MADDEN in it.
It was about Ish, a micheal jackson looking kid who finds out that all football players are robots controlled by the players, who are protecting pieces of the “core” so this bad guy doesn’t use them to take over the world.
…just go read my review. I’ll wait
It was the best bad ‘movie” i’ve ever seen. terrible all around but hilarious! You think that a one off special that acted like a show wouldn’t get a 2nd season.
BUT IT DID.
It premired today, with TWO half hour normal episodes! yes, they greenlit a 2nd season. I’ve been hyped for this season for months!
Wwithout further ado, let’s see how well this season premire holds up
This, is NFL Rush Zone: Season of The Guardians
So we open with…an intro. yes, this show now has an actual THEME SONG. It’s just as bad as it sounds. It’s sort of a slow rock thing that is really short. It’s okay.
So we really open with ish playing football. and first thing you will notice is the animation. It’s changed. In season 1 it was some lazy flash crap that didn’t have much texture, or cartoon-y ness.
Now, everything is more “fluid”, there are more lines and the colors are much brighter. The animation still sucks, but i’m glad it’s better.
Ish is older now, and he is playing with assoles who beat him up. Thankfully, ash comes to rescue him. You remember her? The bland love interest?
She’s a red-head AND voiced by Nikka Futterman. see, ish is now a teenager and thus…doesn’t look like micheal jackson anymore
YOU JUST RAPED THE MOST SACRED ASPECT OF SEASON 1. BOOOOOO.
Ash kicks this dude name Troy’s ass at football. After ish and the others bicker, we cut to underwater, where we see a big bad robot in a giant underwater base.
This is Drop kick, our new villain…sort of. He’s the FUNNEH villain, while this big dude in black armor shows up, with an awesome voice. They found a robot and they dissect it to find the original transmission that OT sent ish in the first season.
“the guardian is a child?”
“how deliciously foolish”
Oh god, i love that. HOW DELICIOUS.
So this big unnamed guy wants to get all 32 megacores so he can, you guessed it, take over the world. Yeah that worked so well for Sudden death.
“I will put an end to football. and football, what’s left of it, will say goodbye to the world”
Okay, BEST VILLAIN EVER.
Back with ish, we find out that Ash is troubled.
“It’s about what happened last year?”
LAST YEAR?! Ish looks 15 in this, while he was like ten in the last one!
She’s sad cuz of how Sudden death tried to take her over. Yeah, it’s been a year and only now is she discussing this
“No one around here knows about that”
…Really. you’re pulling a trasnformers 2? A bunch of robots wrecked the place…AND NO ONE SAW IT?!
They don’t go any further and walk on. But then, the big bad dude, named Wild card, shows up and tries to kill them.
Oh, and ish now has a watch that shoots things. Neat. So he fights off wild card.
“What do you want?”
“What else? Power. Revenge. everything that makes life worth living”
Oh god I love this guy.
He tells ish that it’s game on, and runs off. They head to the pro football hall of fame, where Ish’s mom works. He throws ash to the side while he walks off to the secret little rush zone world thing. He finds the place empty,. except for OT.
“Prepare to enter the next level of…the rush zone”
Then OT turns into some superman looking guy, who is a computer visual..thingy.
“That was an avatar”
Ah, so you know all 4 elements?
“This is my true form”
WHAT A TWEEST,
He is an AI, called RZ. kepper of all things NFL.
“You’re telling me this NOW?”
Hey, good point!
See, he explains that every player has a megacore that channels the very essence of the team. The megacores, are actually footballs.
Wild card wants to get them to take over the world. Yeah, isn’t that the same thing as the first one, only just a bit different? A guy needed a bunch of mcguffins to rule the world?
Ah rush zone, you’re back in all your crappy glory.
So Ish heads off to a football game to start his quest. This game is some team’s thanksgiving game. Yeah, you’re a week late now.
ISHFORMERS, LESS THAN YOU’D EXPECT.
He turns into a big badass robot. He fights some random bots and kicks ass. However, he quickly ends up powering down. cuz he isn’t focusing enough to harness the rush zone’s power.
He finds out that the bot was a camera thing, as we see Wild card watching it.
“I love an audience. More people to see my brilliance”
Seriously, this guy is amazing.
“Master, you need to recharge”
“Don’t patronize me!”
ish heads back to mom and dad as they tell him that they get what he has to do as a guardian.
Now I just wish Santa, tooth fairy, jack frost, sandman and the easter bunny would show up.
“Watch your language”
WHOA HARD SWEARING GUYZ
So Ash wants to help, but of course Ish doesn’t trust her at all. Ash is pissed. Yeah how DARE he not want you to fight a guy who could kill you!
Ish is now off for real this time. but of course,Aash sneaks in as well. This is the Texans/lions game. also, Cavin johsnon, voiced by…calvin johsnon.
…Nope, not gonna do it.
So Ish quickly finds the megacore in a trophy case thingy. Wild card is watching this. So if he knows where the megacore is, why not just grab it quickly? There’s no need for an invasion!
A Blitz bot shows up and ish fights it. Ash shows up and helps him by grabbing the megacore. Then the bot fires at her.
Smart move, Ash.
So then ish is told to enter the stock footage-i mean rush zone. Aka badass mode. He kicks blitz bot ass and they get the megacore safe, and sound.
Ish and Ash head home with stage one done. They have some thanksgivng dinner, saying what they are thankful for.
I’m thankful for amazingly bad cartoons!
Back with Wild Card…as we find out that he got the REAL megacore. DUN DUN DUN! Yeah, somehow the one Ish had wasn’t it.
So ends episode 1 of season 2. Now one to part 2 of our 40 minute premiere!
Now we got Wild card charging up thanks to the megacore. With that, we cut to Ish watching football. Here they announce that some players came down with an illness.
Ish and Ash head off to deal with this. Ash meets RZ, as we find out more stuff. Wild card has stolen the detroit team’s megacore. Oh…he stole a different one.
Ash is gonna be a guardian, as new ones will come. She now has the badass transform watch.
We find out that a blitz bot is in Dallas, trying to find the megacore. So ish and ash are off to help the dallas cowboys!
They fight the blitz bot a bit. However, it ends up on the field during a game. Thankfully, it gets stopped, but ash ended up choking.
Of course she is pissed even though RZ tells her that this stuff is tough. But she tells us that her dad got a new job and is moving.
Back with Wild card, he is pissed at drop kick cuz his bot failed. So it’s off to get the next megacore for real.
Ash ends up leaving leaving and Ish iz sads. But wild card doesnt’t care, as he takes a bot to get the next megacore.
Ish is still depressed and emo. But RZ calls him up to help with the bot. However, back with Ash, Wild card attacks her and her dad.
“ih, cocky. i like that”
Also, ish and some other players kick bot ass, but drop kick takes out the player. Back with Ash, she explains this to her dad who takes this,…rather well.
WILD CARD: Hello? are we done with the family time?
Again, THIS GUY IS AMAZING
“I’M NOT CRAZY! I’m unpredictable. There’s a difference”
…I LOVE THIS SHOW.
So thus, she enters the rush zone. However, wild card runs off, as she bores him. Why doesn’t this guy ever FIGHT?!
Ash runs off, and her dad has no questions and just lets her leave. Great parenting!
Back with Ish, he is fighting off that bot again. but this time ash comes to help. They kick ass and send drop kick packing, and get 2 more megacores.
So with that, ash is staying sort of, and she thanks ish for his help. They shake hands. Back with wild card, he bitches at Drop kick.
He is so pissed ,that he can no longer stand drop kick. so he ends up taking Drop kick to the reprogramming chamber.
“But sir, it is very unpleasant”
LOVE THIS GUY.
So the sick players are good again, and Ash and her dad have worked things out. Ish and his friends gather around and eat pizza
With that, our 40 minute premiere ends.
This is shaping up to be the same crap we know and love from rush zone. The Characters are boring, the plot is cliche, and the animation is crap.
But the plot here is more…okay and the animation is a tad better. So it lacks less of that “Badness” that made season 1 great.
But thankfully, Wild card makes it fun. He is so hammy and cliche, that i really loved him a lot. He makes this episode, and i loved it for that.
It’s the same so bad it’s good crap, and so far, it’s shaping to be really awesome. and really bad. See, this is the crap i love to review! not much else to say