Adam Sandler Month: The Waterboy

Hello, Spongey here. Welcome back to Adam Sandler Month!

When it comes to Sandler, people have varied opinions on where he started to fall from grace. Some say it is with little nicky. some say it was “Big Daddy”. some didn’t even think he was good to start with

But i think we can all agree that it is with his third major film that he really started to get on our nerves. for starters, this is where he acquired some of pals. yep, this was Rob Schneider’s Sandler film debut. but we’ll get to that later.

it set the tone for future bad movies to come. but then again, this is just based on how it the first sandler film no critic really liked it, while happy gilmore had it’s share of defenders.

with the director of Click (which i actually liked) and The wedding singer (which critics liked, though i haven’t seen) comes this. yes, the director did 2 sandler films that are said to show off his skills, also did the one that  helped ruin him

he also did “The zoopkeeper” and “Here comes the boom”. clearly the good movies he did were a fluke

but enough stalling. let’s do this thing

This, is The Waterboy

the movie opens, naturally, at a football practice. after some small bits Sandler himself comes out, as he is, as you guessed from the title, the waterboy

so he walks over to the sidelines and sees  a note

“Dear Waterboy, eat shit and kill yourself. Signed Everybody”

i think those were the critics who saw this movie

This character  is Bobby Boucher and right off the bat i know he will be a hellspawn of annoyance. why? he has a speech imdpediment

yes, Sandler puts on a stuffering Cajun sort of weird voice for the entire movie. every line, even the normal ones, that come out of Sandler’s mouth is with this voice. and my god, it is SO DAMN ANNOYING.

Sandler is already annoying enough. and this movie adds an annoying voice to the mix and makes this character  even more unlikable then some of his other characters!

anyway, Sandler is the waterboy  for the (fictional) University of Louisiana Cougars. however, he’s not exactly well liked as we see him getting beat up. hey, maybe this movie won’t be so bad!

the coach doesn’t seem to like how his beatings get in the way of a good practice.

anyway, he fires sandler. well that was fast. short movie. bye! …i wish. so of course he lives with his mother, played by kathy bates,.

he tells her that he got fired and she’s….happy that he will get to spend his days at home. uh….a mom i happy her son will stay a free-loader? what? geez, moms are weird. my dad chews out my brother for doing what sandler does here and he gets rewarded!

he tells her that he wants to try out for another job, but she isn’t too keen on the idea. she tells him not to do it and blah blach. so later on he’s in bed watching TV

he’s watching some sort of call in show featuring a wrestler named Captain Insano

no, i said CAPTAIN insano

this scene doesn’t have much of a point all. why did i bring it up? to make the insano joke. so anyway, Sandler tries out for another team anyway and approaches the coach of the  South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs. This is Coach klien….played by Henry winkler

no joke. the fonz is in this movie. oh how the mighty have fallen. as Sandler walks in, he is obsessing over failed football plays and is kind of annoying.

He asks to be a waterboy. coach klien actually accepts, especially since the water they have now is well….shit.

then during their practice, we meet the assistant coach who….talks in incoherent gibberish, and dresses like a farmer. i never thought sandler would be out-annoy’d but lo and behold! seriously, the movie is now spouting gibberish to get laughs!

Sandler then meets one player, who informs us that The Fonz was a coach somewhere else, but had a mental breakdown. probably when he was informed that happy days was being canceled, and would be in an adam sandler film

the other players give sandler a bad time by pushing him around.  one even spits into his water. geez, what did sandler do to them?

….don’t answer that

we then get a flashback to when sandler was a young waterboy. a player spit in his water, he tried to kick his ass, but the coach didnt’ let him. back in the present, the fonz encourages him to kick some ass

he does so, and even runs really fast, fueled by his anger. this would be awesome, if the character didn’t deserve all the mockery

instead of being arrest, everyone loves him for this, especially the fonz.  he even asks sandler to join the team

so sandler tries one career, but his anger causes him to qualify for another ….this is just happy gilmore, only less funny!

but his mom doesn’t like football, so they head to his house to have dinner, so fonz can talk her into letting sandler join. Mommy isn’t having it. see, Sandler’s daddy left to join the peace corps, promising everything would be okay. but he died in the dessert out of dehydration.

so thus explains sandler wants to be a waterboy, and why she feels like that sandler going out to do this will be a mistake. you know, this would be sad if it wasn’t oput nowhere,  lazy ,and ALREADY DONE IN HAPPY GILMORE.  in that movie, he also had a dad dyde young and help fuel his anger. only here, it’s even lame.

it’s happy gilmore, but crappy

Fonz argues that he needs a colloge education, but mommy says he isn’t ready for it. READ: he’s too retarded.

Sandler actually objects, as he is tired of having no friends. he would have friends if he wasn’t so damn annoying. Mommy gets tired of this and just goes to bed

fonzie tells sandler that HIS mom never let him get a tattoo. he got one anyway. he pulls down his pants….to show his naked a butt with a tattoo of….the fonz

FEDGBBFBBFUCKYOU

and with that, Sandler follows his lead and joins the team in secret. Fonzie tells the other guys that sandler will join, which does not please them. and boy, they are annoying. i’m all for mocking sandler, but these guys just simply put on dumb voivces to mock him for no real reason. so much like dickie in Going overboard, i want to kill them as much as i wanna kill sandler

also, fonzie here is putting a guy on the team….who knows nothing about football in the slightest. smart move!

i mean, in happy gilmore, that was part of the plot, so happy trained. here? right off the bat, the coach wants him. lame!

they do train him a bit, but since he isn’t pissed, he sucks completely, which only leads to an overly only comedy routine.

Fonz suggests that Sandler think of all the people who were mean to him, and use that as fuel. just wait til he sees the reviews for this movie, he’ll turn into the fucking hulk!

this works, and now he’s ready. so then comes their first game. of course, he kicks ass using his anger, and thus we get a montage of it

and even here, the other guys on both teams mock him. uh, you saw that he can kick your ass. why mess with him?!

at one point, one guy makes a “your mom ” joke and, sandler knocks him out. okay, that was badass…until he says this

“i’ll h-have you know i love my momma very much”

sandler, stop with the voice. it’s the most annoying thing ever. so this ends up making them ,lost the game…somehow. i don’t know, i don’t follow football unless ish is in it

after that,. he walks home when he bumps into, his love interest. minus the interest part. This is Vicki Vallencourt, another Sandler girl with a V name, and yet another with an alliterative  one.  she is also played by Dorothy from Return to oz

see, Vickie was a childhood friend of Sandler’s, who has recently gotten out of prion. so of course she’s the cliche tough girl. in her first scene, all she does is act kind of tough and…that’s it. maybe she’ll get better late,r i don’t know.  Sandler invites her to a barbeque over at home, and she accepts

mommy seems to like her (i guess dating a girl is less bed then…everything she dislikes) and vicky somehow knows that mommy hates football, so she lies about what happened that day.

but out of nowhere, mommy says she dislikes vicky cuz….she’s an overbearing mother who is unlikable due to this, and we have no one to connect with,. hooray.

“I’m very interested in your boy”

because….your a cliche love interest.

to piss off mommy, she puts on a sexy act, even when mommy tells her the grossest stuff about sandler.

“Because me ladies, i’m going to go hang myself”

okay, point for a funny line. it is also what i want to do right now. mommy banishes vicky and makes sandler so inside. i’d feel bad…if vicky had any character to her, and we had a reason for them wanting to be together

so anyway, we cut to the next game, where they hope to get rid of their losing streak. fueled  by his anger at mommy, he kicks ass again.

and so they finally win,. so they have a party to celebrate, and their Sandler is hit on by two girls. they ask if he is seeing anyone, and he takes to mean that they want to know if…literally saw one, and thus leads to some really lame jokes

“i’ve been with my mommy and coach klien at the same time.”

and one…of the girls is turned on. does anyone is this movie act normal?!

then of course, we get the montage. not a good one either. one of those lame late 90’s ones, where we just get a low key “rap” song where we simply see them getting “better, and it doesn’t entice any excitement whatsoever.

so the team gets many wins to thanks to sandler, and he even gets some alone time with vicky that just makes this romance even lazier.  seriously, they even sneak up to sandler’s room and kiss. why are the writers jumping into this so quick?

we only met her a couple scenes ago, and we have learned nothing about her. she’s tough and likes nasty shit. that’s about it. we have no reason to like her, nor any reason for sandler to like her outside of “SHE’S PERDUH” and of course, no reason for her to like sandler, as he is really annoying.

in short, laziest romance ever. oh, and then she shows him her tits. great….but we don’t see them cuz this is pg-13. drat. i’ll admit, his low key reaction to it is kinda funny

“yep….this is a first for me”

however, sandler is worried mommy will hear, so he calls her off

“sometimes i wonder why i bother with you”

SAME

“you ain’t even a man”

LINKARA: I AM A MAN! *PUNCH*

so we cut to the next game, as we hear the sportscaster guys

“difficult to watch”

much like this movie. so Sandler kicks ass at a game, and they go celebrated. yes, that did happen earlier. this movie is recycling  it’s OWN SCENES.

okay, this scene has one reason to exist….introducing rob Schneider. yep, we msde it to….him. this guy is in the crowd and..

“You can do it!”

yep, he just shouts that. and he is the most well known aspect of not only this movie, but Rob’s whole career. this line has made it into the mainstream, with the way Rob says it. hell , even bedtime stories referenced it when Sandler asked real!Rob for a car

“i can do it”

i didn’t mention it cuz i was saving it for this review. so anyway, in walks in the cliche evil opposing team for the movie.

they act like dicks, but then Vicky threatens to cut one guy’s head off

“You can do it! cut his fucking head off!”

….k. so the other team’s couch calls them both off, but also calls the police to take vicky to jail for her threat. yes, she did have a real knife.; our heroine, ladies and gentlemen!

then that coach tells Sandler that they checked, and he has not graduted from high school, and thus cannot play football. I  guess….no one checked the first time.

“The waterboy’s a cheater, cut his head off!”

shut up rob

so anyway, later on, Fonzie tells Sandler that he can play in the  annual Bourbon Bowl, if he passes some big test. oh, and i forgot to mention:when he joined, they got this diploma thing to prove he passed school, but when the evil coach showed up, he said it was fake. again, they should be able to tell!

and now, fonz is telling sandler that HE faked it so sandler can join. before i can yell “UNLIKABLE BITCH”, he then tells sandler his cliche tragic past.

did they have a machine come up with cliche’d script?!

see, fonz and the asshole coach on the other team, were once a assistant coaching duo back on some other team.  near the end of their one,. only one of them had to go on and become a real success.  then, for no real reason, asshole coach had to jack Fonz’s play notebook and pass it off as his own.  fonz didn’t try to stop him (?) so Asshole got the job, fired fonzie, and his life went all downhil.

well that was under explained and stupid.  moving on, sandler tries to study at home, but his quickly discovers what is going on. she doesn’t like that his off at school and playing football because she wants him home with her.

sandler, finally tells her off and says he likes football, and storms out. that would be more awesome, if sandler’s character didn’t act so annoying. i’m not over that damn voice!

so sandler tries the test….and aces it! yes, one study session makes him smart. logic! or maybe, they just didn’t want to repeat billy maddson like their repeating happy gilmore. don’t worry, we’ll get to billy soon

oh, and vickie is still here cuz…the writers forgot she was in jail. anyway, a dude shows up and tells sandler that his mom  is in the hospital. yay! i mean….boo?

they head there, and he is told they can’t figure out what’s wrong with her cuz….everyone in this movie is a moron. over the next while, sandler hangs with mom to comfort her. yes, even in a few days they can’t figure why she’s out cold

Sandler thinks it was a broken heart, and feels bad for doing all this. but then just out the window, there is a big group of people chanting Sandler’s name. Vicky is there, and she says everyone is sorry for being a dick to Sandler

one guy even says Sandler is an inspiration to those who are not handsome, charming and cool. make your own joke there

However, Sandler isn’t happy or anything, and just says this his mother can’t even hear this cuz she’s not up, so he just tells them to go home, i guess. i don’t know, i wasn’t paying attention, it was so forcefully sweet and blah

the next morning, sandler finds that mommy is awake, and before she can explain, she tells him about his father. Years ago, he changed his name to Roberto and left her for a voodoo priestess, while she was pregnant. This in turn lead Mom to excessively sheltering him all his life. She was afraid Sandler  was going to leave her, too, and tried to keep him all to herself by hiding him from everyone else who depended on him. oh, and she faked all this to get him out of playing football;.

that’s sad and all, but i don’t care. yes, i am a heartless asshole, but i don’t know. this seems to forced, and its’ really only there to genereate sympathy for two annoying characters. it’s a nice shot, i’ll admit. but it’s so forced and cliche and plus, it was done much better in happy gilmore. yeah, i’ll keep comparing the,

at least it explains a few things without confusing me too much. that, i will commend.  HOWEVER, people payed to see this movie to see a dumb waterboy becoming a fotoball player. not to see a kid’s mom realize how bad she is. without the football stuff, this feels like it could be in any cliche movie. so the whole point of this movie’s premise, is lost

so anyway, mommy realizes she was wrong, and that Sandler should play football.  way to stupidly develop someone…who isn’t our hero, who happens to not really change too much

this is Mr Deeds all over again. only more annoying!

So now he has to rush to join the big game. he makes it and now it’s time  for the climax. things start fine, but gets tricky soon after. Sandler notices that fonzie looks scared of asshole coach

Sandler suggests that he just imagine him as something he is not afraid of, and this works.  This helps Klein(the fonz’s name in this)  create spectacular new plays that allow the Mud Dogs ( the team) to catch up.

i’d also like to mention one of the players for the asshole team is played by …the director of the wizard. needless to say, this movie needs more lucas.

the next few minutes just features football. i’m not a football fan,. so this is just boring to me. but hey, that’s just my bias, and not a fault of the movie

anyway, at one point sandler is knocked out, but vickie says him with home special water that he showed her in an earlier scene.  the sportcaster comment

“hey, the waterboy just needed some water!”

“…wow, you think that one all by yourself?”

yay, another funny joke!

long story short, sandler makes a big play and wins the game. yeah, i hate to ruin this AMAZING SUSPENSE but there you go. everyone is happy and it’s all happy.

before we can care, we cut to sandler and Vickie getting married, with even mom being happy. Vicky also hints that she and sandler will….well…Rob, you say it

“You can do it! You can do it all night long”

thank you, you stupid character, you

then….his dad shows up! Yep, out of nowhere, he shows up him  and tells sandler that he heard from ESPN that he may go to the NFL.. Sandler tells him that he’s not going to the NFL because he wants to stay in school and graduate, because in any bad sandler film, the character will do something that isn’t what he learned to do in the movie.

Daddy doesn’t like this, but mommy kicks his ass without hearing his side. great characters, guys./
Sandler and Vicky drive off, and before i can give a fuck, the credits. roll. the fucking. end.

Final Thoughts:

Oh yeah, this one was shit. the main problem is Adam Sandler’s TERRIBLE performance. his voice is so damn annoying and he never stops it. so when he says something profound of sweet, it comes across as annoying. Sandler is never funny in this. not even once.

on top of that, his character sucks. no real personality, he is forcefully nice, and since he  is so annoying, any attempt at development becomes pointless. the movie takes more time with the other characters that he is left in the dust

the romance sucks too. i bitched about in Gilmore, but it’s even worse here.  they have no chemistry, vicky is bland and it adds nothing to the movie, except…love.

the other characters are either bland, annoying or pointless. not even the asshole coach does anything funny, and he makes for a lame villain who isn’t even hammy.

the story is even worse. the entire premise becomes pointless, as it spends more time being a generic sports movie, or with crap about the mom. so the novelty of him being a waterboy wears  thin. the movie doesn’t know if it wants to be a satire on sports movies, or a normal sports movie with a waterboy in it.

oh, and IT’S NOT FUNNY. there aren’t many real jokes outside of….things that happens. it’s also really stupid and none of the jokes it means to be funny land, and it’s a laugh less film. there are a few good lines here, but it’s only because the rest of the film so bad

i see why this is seen as the beginning of the end for sandler. it was all too much. his performance was too bad, the jokes too funny, and the plot too cliche.

it’s boring, un-funny and pointless. Easily Sandler’s worst major film at the time.

Grade: D+

okay, that’s another one down. See ya!

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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One Response to Adam Sandler Month: The Waterboy

  1. Deepthroat Ghoul says:

    Fun fact, Captain Insano is played by Paul Wight, formely known as The Giant in WCW, and nowadays known in the WWE as The Big Show.

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