Adam Sandler Month: Bedtime Stories

Hello, Spongey here. Welcome back to Adam sandler Month!

Before we start, let us look at an amazing thing. See, last time i looked at Going Overboard, Sandler’s debut. I was shocked when Phineas and Ferb creator, Dan povenmire, made a brief cameo.

On twitter, I thought out loud if Dan even remembers the film . He tweeted me back

Not too shocking given the name of the tape in the opening. Anyway, i love how remembers both the film, it’s original title, and how to spell it all. That or he looked it up when he read my tweet.

Still, i love that he remembers this shit-turd and tweeted me about. I just found that cool. Now,  to review THIS movie…

This movie was his first attempt at a children’s film. He would try two more times, with jack and jill, and Hotel Transylvania . I actually really liked HT and I think it’s sandlers first good movie in years. Then again , that’s due to the direction rather  than sandler’s performance

Anyway, let’s focus on this kid’s film.  From the director who brought us “The pacifier” and “Cheaper by the dozen 2” , comes proof that raunchy comedians shouldn’t do kid’s movies Unless that film has a good director or writer. This doesn’t have either.

So, and this happens to be a DISNEY film. yes, Disney looked at sandler thought that he would make a good movie. Dog With a blog is a more respectable Disney product

So without further ado, let’s dive in.

This, is Bedtime Stories

The movie opens with some storybook narration

“But as every good storyteller knows, one should make sure the audience is prepared”

It’s an Adam Sandler movie, I’m never prepared

“Is everybody comfortably seated? does anyone need to use the bathroom? oh you? sir in the back? well hold it in!”

.

We haven’t even Seen sandler yet, and i’m annoyed.

So the story really starts, as the narrator tells us he is Marty Bronson, who owned the sunny vista hotel. He started it in the 70’s, with the help of his kids Wendy and Skeeter.

Skeeter. oh boy, we’re in for it.  Anyway, this, kid will grow up to be Sandler’s character. but as a kid, we’ll call him skeeter.

Skeeter loved the hotel, and found it fun.  he then used it to give monsters a good place to sta-

wait, wrong sandler movie

So anyway, we see his Marty/Narrator tuck Skeeter in, to tell him a bedtime story.

“I was a pretty good dad, but unfortunately..”

your son was adam sandler?

“i was a bad business man”

Whatever

Yeah, he ran into some debt and was forced to put the hotel in the hands of someone else. So years later, it’s a huge hotel and Sandler is…the handyman. Yep, he isn’t running it because no one should let sandler run anything

So there we go, Sandler is the handyman at his family’s hotel, and wishes to run it some day. Don’t worry, the title comes into play later

Sandler is the nice guy around these parts, who helps out as best as he can. Sandler playing a guy who isn’t an asshole or a man-child? wow!

Okay, he has bits of man-child, but not as much as his other movies. Getting on track,  the hotel is mostly managed by Kendall, a man who’s parents must have hated him. Oh, and he’s played by Guy pearce.

Anyway, skeeter is called over to fix the mic at this meeting thingy, and he  tests it….by being annoying, and doing beat boxes. Okay, he may not be an asshole, but he’s still annoying

Anyway, the hotel’s owner, Barry notingham, gives a presentation. He says that the sunny visita will be torn down to make a bigger and better hotel. Thankfully, everyone sees this change as a good thing, and it will even have a cool theme, which barry will keep secret.

But first, he starts the announcer the new hotel’s manager, which sandler perks up at it. This bit is pretty much like the bit from the spongbebob movie, so i’ll just skip the tease and say it’s not sandler. it’s kendall.

After sandler gets his hopes dashed, Barry walks by him.

“have you met my daughter violet?”

“only by reputation”

Yes, he means that in the whore way. you know-for kids! (oh come, it’s obvious that’s what he means)

Oh, and she is kendall’s girlfriend as well. Yep, we now have the asshole boyfriend cliche in play. fucking wonderful

And no, she’s not the love interest. that would be too cliche, even for this movie. anyway, It’s here we run into this movie’s first problem: the music.

Remember howin  the Nostalgia Critic’s full house review, he said that it had  the sappy music that force’s you to feel happy/sad instead of just leaving you alone? That’s in this movie as well.

In the first ten minutes alone, you hear sappy music swell so damn loud at the “sad” scenes that it’s really freaking annoying.. True, this happens in movies a lot, but later on, we’ll see this movie get overly  sappy,. so this music really adds up.

So later, he drops by his sister Wendy’s (Courtney Cox) house.   he hasn’t seen her in 4 years, so he’s glad to drop by again. He also greets his niece and nephew, named Bobby and patrick. Bobby is the girl. Yes

Wendy pulls Skeeter aside. See, she is the Principal of a nearby school, which as she tells us, is getting shut down. Dammit, they needed to put in the “getting torn down” cliche?! They avoided it with the hotel, but now it’s being played straight. great

” What else can you do? Besides maybe…cuba dictator? boogyman”

….sigh,.

Anyway, wendy has  to go out of town for some interviews, so she asks Sandler to watch the kids. Thankfully, he only has to take the evening part, as during the day her friend will take care of the kid’s.

Either way, getting adam sandler to take care of kid’s is a bad idea. Screw babysitter’s, get sandler!

Even though the kid’s don’t like him too much, Sandler agrees because the plot needs to start,. Sandler heads out and bumps into Wendy’s friend, jill.

*shudders* Sorry, I just got Jack and Jill flashbacks. This jill is thankfully normal. also, LOVE INTEREST ALERT

After they share some awful banter, we cut to the next day, in the hotel, as sandler is talking to his friend, played by Russel Brand. I don’t have much of an opinion of brand, but i don’t like him in this movie. He’s there to be the weird british guy, who just spouts annoying stuff, and is annoying.

“Actually, i really like ketchup in my face. It’s rejuvenating for the skin so who is the real victim? you are!”

See?

So Sandler is called by Jill, and now he must go babysit the kid’s.  He heads over to their house for the night shift.  He doesn’t exactly hit if off, as he knows nothing about the kids, and to make it worse, wendy feeds them health food, and has no TV

Meaning, i can’t watch what they play in the background instead of this.

So he just puts them to bed. Oh, sleeping sounds like a good idea. Maybe i’ll dream of a better movie! But nope, I’m wide awake, so the movie must go on

They ask him to read them a bedtime story, but since the books they own suck, Adam makes up his own.  But then, the kid’s genuia-pig  jumps on his bed. he looks at the pet and-

My god that is horrifying! How is it possible to have those freaking eyes! Sandler agrees with me, and freaks out as well.

After that weird-ness, Sandler starts his story. His story however, is just a bad mary sue fan fiction. In the story, there is a knight who works hard, and seems like a shoe-in to rule the kingdom,  but…isn’t even a knight. Yeah, Sandler can’t even keep his  story within a story straight.

Sandler, (fuck it the peasant is obviously sandler), is the son of “lord marty”  but is disliked despite being smart. The most loved was really…sir butkiss. Sigh.

Sandler puts the kids in the story as well, but also inserts jill as an ugly raven. Sure this isn;’t the OTHER Sandler movie jill?

But nope, the kid’s have her put in as a mermaid teacher. Anyway, Sir Fixalot (Story!Sandler) is passed up as ruler in favor of sir buttkiss.

Then Story Sandler moves into a shoe, jumps into a moat and is eaten by alligators. Wow…Sandler wants to see himself die as much as i do!

“That can’t be the end, it’s not happy”

It’s happy for the audience!

So the kids ask Sandler to change the story, so instead, the king gives Story!Sandler another shot. and ….don’t stop believing plays.

ugh.

“And then it started raining gumballs!”

….Yes, the kid’s just threw that in. Sandler is as confused as i am.  But it does finish the story, and get the kids to sleep

The next morning, Sandler is called in for work, so he must bring in the kid’s along to keep an eye on them.  He asks violet (barry’s daughter from earlier) to keep an eye on the kid’s, while he goes to fix barry’s TV.

Barry’s room is pitch dark, as he thinks germs produce faster in bright light. Sigh….another walking cliche.

While he fixes the TV, barry decides to tell him the secret theme for the new hotel cuz….derpity too. The theme is…rock and roll. Seems fine, but sandler reminds him that the simpsons- i mean hardrock, already did it

Oh, and then we cut to the kid’s as Violet changed from kind of normal to…paris hilton’s stupid-er cousin  with  a fake british-y accent.

Thankfully, Kill shows up to take the kids, so goodbye weird chick.  Back with Sandler, barry has called by Kendall as it was him who came up with the rock theme.

So thus, he gives sandler a  shot. Barry offers Sandler  a chance to compete with Kendall for a better theme. If Sandler wins, he shall run the place.Well this will get …stupid.

Sandler drives home, and while he is stopped due to something….It rains gumballs. Seriously. It starts it out very slow, but soon gets big as it goes all over the place.

Then…we pan up to see that a candy truck crashed and it’s contents spilled over. So…there’s no magic. I guess everything is a coincidence, eh? Wait, if it crashed, It wouldn’t have started slowly, or in huge amounts.

Plus, the truck dude says it is candy, so why just gumballs? This makes no sense! And of course, this sight is not seen by anyone, because derpity doo.

That night, (and by night i mean 5:30)  Jill dumps the kids at the hotel with sandler, as he got a call to be there I guess.  Sandler asks if they saw anything odd, and they say no.

Sandler calls up Russel Brand to give them some room service, which leads to lame jokes about how the kid’s are sheltered and how brand is weird.  A bit later, Sandler lays another story on them.

This one is a western, As Story!Sandler is a cowboy with a horse that gives us a fart joke . He is told that to be the best, he must ride the best.

He sees some horses for sale, and asks an indian what their best is.  Said Indian is….played by Rob Schneider.  If you know Rob, you know how this goes. It’s a very racist performance and It’s annoying.

To be fair, this is a story told to kids, and this is what they imagine them being like. Peter pan did this too, only that movie didn’t suck.  The way rob speaks his lines is what makes it stupidly racist.

He also calls Story!Sandler white bread. Seriously. Anyway, he brings a red horse named Ferrari but it’s out of sandler’s price range.  So he makes it free, woohoo.

So ends the story. Well that was short.  He doesn’t even die this time!  But Russel bitches there being so story arc or anything, so the kids’ suggest some more stuff.

Now, Story!Sandler spots an obvious stand in for Jil being robbed by some bad guys.  But sandler just saves her quickly and drops off in the nearest town.  She then gives him a 100 million dollars.

End.  Of course the kid’s don’t want Dr Evil level demands, so they suggest something else. Story!Jill gives him a kiss….and sandler is kicked by an angry dwarf.

Oh great a midget joke. Fucking lovely.

And the story really ends. Sandler lives with it and sends them off to bed. So after that, sandler puts his “stories are coming true” theory to the test, as he heads to a car dealer ship and eyes a Ferrari.

He turns and sees….Rob Schneider again. Son of a fuel. Before he can annoy us, Sandler asks if he can have a free Ferrari and…Rob says yes. So yeah, the stories are coming true.

He asks sandler to close his eyes, and being an idiot he does. Thus, Rob runs away….with sandler’s wallet. Just like Rob always does when you pay to see his movies.

Sandler mopes off and drives away. Then, he spots Violet being hounded by press, kind of like how the chick in the story was being hounded by robbers…

Sandler runs over a puddle, splashing the press. She jumps in his car upon request, and he drives away, saving her.  Once they are safer, she asks if she can do anything to repay him.

Of course, she offers a kiss and….A dwarf kicks him. Great, the same bad joke repeated. Wonderful.

So why did the dwarf kick him then drive away with his dwarf buddies? Never explained. In the story, It’s fine to not explain it, but this is real life! He just kicks him, taunts him, then runs!

I guess midgets randomly get pissed at big people. Also, are there no people on the street to stop them?

On that strange note, Violet walks off to car….which is a Ferrari. Of course, Sandler thinks she’ll give him one like the story, but no dice.

So yeah, i get the gumball thing, but why did there HAPPEN to be a pissed off dwarf and an Indian  rob? Whatever.

Sandler goes back to the kid’s (Brand took over while he was gone) just as Jll comes in.  As the boy tells her about the story, it hits him:  The kid’s control the story!

Okay, there we go. That explains it: Lid magic. plot hole fixed!

I should also mention that in this scene, Suite life of zack and cody is playing on the TV,. Nice.

Anyway, jill takes the kid’s home. So he heads to work, but he runs into Kendall, who does the typical kid movie villain crap.

Granted, he has some nice hammy bits here, and Guy looks like he’s having fun, but it doesn’t excuse how lazy this character is.

Anyway, Kendall gets a call telling him to look at where the new hotel will be built. Where? At the school, as that is why it’s being torn down. Yep, they are really doing the “being torn down” cliche big time. Sigh.

That night, he takes the kids to the hotel to have fun, So they will be happier when he starts the story.  He hangs with the kids, and Jill, as they simply talk,. then the girl speaks up…

“Do you think my father will come back?”

….Shit,  I think i have diabetes. Seriously, the hell? They touched upon how Wendy got divorced , But out nowhere they make a deal of it! Even worse, it is the cutsiest manner possible!

Sandler’s response is even worse. It’s about heart or some shit. I get what they were going for, But these characters are so thin, and the plot is so poorly plotted, that it’s simply cute for cuteness’ sake.

“Like the stink of my feet, i’ll always be around”

Sadly, this is very true, sandler.

Okay, it’s storytime, thank god. This time, we have gladiators. Story!Sandler is now called Skeetacus.S ounds like a bad porno.

Anyway, story!sandler is great but underrated and has a chance to show his skills. Serious, even mary sue fanfics are more creative.

I bet this story is an excuse to make Violet look like this:

Anyway, barry is the emperor that Story!Sandler must impress

The story actually is almost good, as we see sandler kick some chariot ass and do some neat “stunts” .However, it’s cut short as the girl wants to get to the romance.

She says that Story!Sandler gets story!Violet and they go on  a date. They go to a tavern (i guess these kids know about bars and beer) and see the girls that were mean to Story!sandler growing up.

Thankfully, none of them are david spade in drag.  When they see Story!Sandler and the fairest maiden, they don’t know what to do, so they nervously do the hooky pokey. Seriously.

The story couple then go to the beach (complete with fanservice bikini) and sees a hairy guy, passed out. Story!Sandler saves him, it starts raining and they hide in a cave.

“And abe linclon is there!”

killing vampires?

Sandler gets mad at their choice, which makes them go right to bed. See, even children can’t stand him! Okay, so the next day he heads to the beach to see if the story comes true.

He calls violet, only to find out she is going to vegas.  Also, he has a flip phone. This movie was made in 2008. so there you go

Then, he runs into jill, who says she felt like going to the beach. They decide to hang out and…go to a bar. Hmmm, this is interesting..

And guess what? Girls that picked on Sandler growing up are here! Yep, the story is coming true. Sandler tells Jill to pretend to be his girlfriend to impress the girls, and she reluctantly complies.

They are all jealous cuz….he got a normal girl? I don’t know, jill is cute, but not the most impossible get, so they shouldn’t be feeling jelly. Oh wait, the story said they are jelly. nevermind.

Then….they do the hokey pokey. It’s even dumber the 2nd time.

Anyway, they head out and spot a passed out hair guy. You know, I think this movie was an excuse to re-use scenes, with only minor details changed. It feels kinda dull in that aspect. I mean, i’m bored now.

Of course he saves the guy. Then it rains. They hide in a pier, cuz caves weren’t in the budget.  It’s during this scene where it hits him: The girl in the stories is jill, not Violet. The kids never really said who it is, so why this is so, is never explained.

so yeah, he’s starting to fall in love with her because….derpity doo? I  don’t know. they had some minor scenes early on, But the way this plot goes, it seems a tad bit of out of nowhere. But hey, she’s not 100 percent out of Sandler’s league, so I’ll buy it

And right as they almost kiss, a penny is dropped by some guy on the pier. Yep, it’s abe. So are they trying to make real life version of the story bits, or are the story bits happening word for word?
I mean, one minute they put in the pissed off dwarf, they next they replace abe with a penny! Whatever.

Cuz Sandler freaked out at abe, jill decides to walk off.  So that night, is Sandler’s last night with the kids, which means this is our last story.

This time, we have a space story. In this story, the Galactic council is deciding who will design this new planet.  Well it’s more interesting than the phantom meance at any rate.

Congratulations Spongey, you are the 1 millionth person to slam the star wars prequels!

Oh god, this is such an honor! What do i win?

The shame of finishing this crappy movie!

Fuck

Anyway, the choices are down to Story!Kendall and of course, Story!Sandler.  and even Russel Brand gets inserted this time, as a lame version of C3po!

THen….the kid’s make Story!Sandler talk like a  goofy alien. Sigh, Sandler gets to put on a goofy voice that isn’t funny. Jar jar binks isn’t as annoying!

So the choice is decided by way of zero gravity battle. So of course, we have a dumb fight scene, with weak effects. Granted, it’s just a story, so we weren’t meant to think it’s real. but still, the effects needed extra work

The kids then insert another bit. This time…Story!Barry unleashes,….the booger monster.Wwhat. and the effect for this monster is the worst yet. i’ll spare you the images, but trust me, it’s weird.

Long story short, Story!sandler kicks Story!Kendall’s ass. and as he wins, we see the crowed cheering.  And in the crowd….is a guy in buzz lightyear costume ….This movie sucks.

Then the kid’s add in the ending…

“somebody threw a fireball at Skeeto, and he got incenerated!”

.

….Behold, THE BEST SCENE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE.

Man, I can watch that clip of Sandler getting burned for hours! Kids,  you guys are better filmmakers than the director!

Okay, I kid, but hey that was kinda funny. It amused me, didn’t it?

Of course, Sandler is pissed, cuz he knows this will come true. He tries to wake the kid’s up, Cuz you can get to sleep in 5 seconds, right? Anyway, he has no luck.

The next day, Kendall visits jill and tells her that the new hotel is why the school is being turned down. Yes, he ran into Jill earlier, and so he visited just so he can make her hate sandler. Give him an A for dedication!

As a precaution, Sandler buys some anti fire stuff.  So he heads to Barry’s luau themed birthday party, which leads to lame jokes where he avoids fire.

He bumps into Russel near the pool and…Violet walks out of the pool, dripping with fan service. She complains about being cold, so Brand grabs her a towel….and says he is in love.

*Years earlier, at the pitch meeting for Bedtime stories*

DIRECTOR: And then Russel brand falls in love with violet!

EXECUTIVE:  Why?

DIRECTOR:  Well i forgot to  make his character important. so there you go

EXECUTIVE: So we get to see her in a bikini?

DIRECTOR: Yes

EXECUTIVE: Greenlight this bitch!

*Back in the present*

Weird.

Then, Sandler’s tongue is stung by a bee. My god.  After that, they all gather in a room so sandler and kendall can discuss their theme ideas.

Kendall goes first. What is his theme? Broadway. This leads to a (thankfully) short song. The song itself is alright, and i have no jokes to make right now.

No one really reacts, except for barry. They don’t like it. so it’s sandler’s turn and…the bee sting made him hard to understand. Yep, the story is coming true again. Oh boy..

by the power of contrivance, Brand can understand him, so he acts as translator.  So Sandler and Brand go up and present the theme.

However, it’s not really a theme idea, rather a pitch for what the hotel should try to do. His approach is simply reminding them of how much fun children have when staying at a classy hotel.

Barry loves the idea, so Sandler wins. then kendall randomly faints. I admit, the off beat way he did that was a little funny. So yeah a good “theme” wins sandler the gold.

A bit later, Kendall tells Sandler about the school thing. Oh yeah, I forgot. The writers didn’t want the movie to end where it should, so they stretched it out with this shit.

Before sandler can object, they bring in barry’s cake, which is huge and has lots of fire. Scared, Sandler takes  it out with a fire extinguisher. Okay, we saw him buy it earlier, but he didn’t have it on his person, so did he pull it out of his ass?!

And right there, barry is fired. wah wah.

“oh…that’s how it connects”

Hey, that’s almost clever. but it reenforces my earlier point on how some story bits come true, while some just get parallels.

Instead of giving us time to let that soul crushing firing sink in, we cut to our  next forced plot point. He races to the school to tell jill (did i mention she happens to work there as well?) that he didn’t know about the hotel thing.  But thankfully, she’s pissed.

The kids also happen to be there, and bash sandler for the school thing

“I thought you were supposed to be the good guy”

And the music kicks in. Yp, my issue with the music gets worse. My god, this movie is just every bad kid’s movie rolled into one, isn’t it?

Sandler heads to Wendy’s house to pick some stuff he left, when Wendy walks in, back from her thingy. she isn’t mad because of the school thing.

“I’m mad because you told my kids that real life has no happy endings”

Ugh, gag me with a spoon. I’ve never such a botched attempt at heart since….well jack and jill. That’s a theme with sandler, isn’t it?

She confesses that she had always been jealous of his and their father’s ability to believe in made up stories and have fun the way she never did and had secretly hoped that by leaving her children with him that his fun loving nature would rub off on them. Instead of just, actually trying to be fun. it’s not that hard, lady.

Whatever, i’m just saying that so i don’t have to focus on how forcefully “sweet” this whole scene is.  So wendy walks off, leaving sandler to  mope.

Then sandler’s father the narrator pipes up. Oh yeah, i forgot about you.  Don’t you hate it when narrators leave the movie for no reason?

“He was wondering how to put the pieces  of his life back together after one magical wink. ”

“Great ending, huh?”

“that was your ending? I thought this was just the sad part and you were about to make it better!”

“How can i make it better?”

….

What. what. WHAT! the fuck?! he talks to the narrator?! And he tells him that he should go be a hero?! THE HELL?! At what point did the movie’s world have this kind of crap?! why is the story coming to life? is it coming to life? is it all a coincidence?!

Does this movie take place in a fantasy world or real life? If it’s all a coincidence , what was the point? If this is real life, why can he talk to a narrator? How come some parts of the story happen but some don’t? Why did there just happen to be a dwarf, or a penny there? Why did so many coincidences happen?

Is that their explanation? as in….none? They really think that because this is a kid’s movie, they don’t have to write a good explanation, and instead throw flashy crap on the screen?!
This is just fucking stupid! it doesn’t even warrant a mental breakdown gag!  They give us this half assed crap, and don’t even explain what is going on. This movie is balls. But hey, let’s finish it up so i can go to the final thoughts and explain this more.

Anyway, back at the school, everyone is protesting. You think that the school would get word on this earlier, and thus protest longer and bigger. Hll, why was wendy called away when the school she is the leader of is getting torn down?!

Fuck it, don’t care. Jill runs to barry, who is at city hall to close the deal. Barry doesn’t listen to jill, but when they walk into the mayor’s office, they spot Sandler talking to the mayor, who is a woman.

One of the woman from the bar. Yeah,. the mayor was in  a bar and it was never established or hinted that she was the mayor.. Acrew it, this movie is pulling out so much crap out of it’s ass. Let’s move on.

The mayor says that sandler spoke to her as a citizen about the hotel, and now the whole school location has been denied. Sandler says they found a good property on the beach that they can use  instead.

Well that….was anti climatic. But who cares, it gets the movie over faster!  Barry listens and is overall happy about the new location, and he hugs Sandler.  Jill is happy too.

However, it’s not over yet. Barry can’t contact kendall on his phone, and thus can’t call off the demolition.  Yeah, no one else, not even the mayor has a phone they can use. Whatever.

They run out, but Jill’s car has been towed, so they take  two nearby motorcycles (they tell the owner it’s for a good cause) and drive off.

It’s a typical chase, but they cut to the fantasy world where we see each part of the story world from before, as they parallel the chase. I admit, this is a neat way to tie it together, but it feels odd and not to mention, reinforces my bitching rant from a minute ago.

Oh, and the kids went in the school to stop the demolition,  Wendy tells this to kendall, but he doesn’t believe her, cuz he’s an asshole. Kendall’s buddy wants to actually check to see if this is true, but kendall pushes him off.

Sandler and Jill arrive, and Sandler jumps off, swings off a tether ball pole, and kicks Kendall’s ass. Okay, that was kind of cool.

Sandler tells the people the news, and everyone is happy.  so the kid’s are proud, wendy is proud, and Sandler kisses Jill, for real.

The narrator kicks in and gives us the skinny. Sandler starts his own motel, named Marty’s Motel, while Kendall and his scheming partner, Aspen (Lucy Lawless, another actor slumming it for a check. Hell,. her character is so pointless that even wikpedia barely  mentions her), are demoted to Sandler’s motel wait staff.

Barry got over his germ phobia (which was not mentioned again til now), dropped out of the hotel stuff, and became a nurse. Violent becomes the new owner of her father’s business and married Russel Brand….

and of course, Jill and Sandler got married, and now he and the kids’ are very happy.

“But that is a whole other story. The end”

Which will never told because the movie’s ass was kicked by Marley and me and Benjamen button. The end!

Final Thoughts:

This movie was bad. I mean…really freaking bad. Sure, some chuckles are had, the guy playing the narrator sounded invested, and some fantasy bits are cool,  but that’s all I can say on the positive side.

Sandler’s performance isn’t my main issue. Yes, it isn’t too good, as most of the time he makes lame jokes and really doesn’t pull himself into the movie, and is just here for a paycheck. He helped make this movie bad, but he wasn’t the button pusher.

That would be the god awful script and story. Man, is it poorly thought out. This movie talks down to kid’s big time. All it gives them are bright flashy images and some dumb jokes. some bits are creative, but even the fantasy bits are basic and aren’t very fun. Plus, as you can tell, I hated the explanation and how it worked into the story.

The movie wants to be a kid’s movie based on reality, but indulge in fantasy themes. But it also wants to be a magical film. It wants to be be realistic and have the story thing be a backbone. but it also wants the explanation to be magic, and just not explain it to make it mysterious.

But it can’t decide on either, so they try to have it both ways, by putting both in and thus we have a mess of a film.  There is no explanation in the end, and we are told to buy that it was a coincidence. But it makes no sense with the dwarf and Indian Rob here.  They put in that bit with  sandler talking to the narrator, which is a lame 4th wall thing which only makes it more confusing.

It’s hard to explain, but simply put, they had no idea how to explain it, and thus assumed that because it is for kid’s, they don’t need to actually write anything. And i hate that. kid’s deserve more, and this is just typical kid’s crap

It has all the self indulgence and bad jokes of a bad Sandler flick, and it has the watered down crap of a bad kid’s movie. Two bad tastes that taste bad together!

Critically, it’s simply just very bad with all the dull  characters and messy story. But I personally HATED it for it stands for and the awful story turns. It’s really stupid and it is just sickening at times.

I think that’s a good sum up. the movie is a bad sandler film made worse with a huge plot hole.  There you go.

Grade: D+

See next time on Adam Sandler month!

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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