Hello, Spongey here.
Welcome to Adam Sandler Month!
Yeah, another theme month. this time,. I’ll TRY to do as many as I can. but there only so many films that have Sandler in it, so the well may run dry but at least i’ll try, you know?
Oh Adam sandler. you are our greatest punching bag. you started out fine, with films that, while dumb, get some laughs, and are still well liked to this day. But sometime in the early 2000’s,. you went downhill and your kind of dumb movie got really dumb.Yyou started to rely on overdone cliches and annoying voices got so damn annoying.
it’s no secret that sandler has made some dumb movies, so all this month we are looking at some of his films. we may look at some actually good ones, and even ones that got mixed reviews, but let’s focus on the bad ones.
To start off, so let’s go back to where it all began. yep, this was Adam Sandler’s first movie. Before Happy Gilmore, before Jack and jill, and even Before SNL, there was…this.
This, is Going Overboard
the movie opens with a creepy old guy looking through some porn tapes. my, they sure they set the tone fast, didn’t they?
he finds a tape called “The unsinkable Shecky Moskowitz”. Curiously, he puts it in the VCR. with that we get our animated opening credits. it features Sandler doing stand up, with him spewing speech bubbles containing the credits.
…it’s boring. why have the credits be animated when nothing happens? sure, this movie had almost no buget, but why animate a part in that case? plus, it wastes 3 minutes of our time.
so then we see some model chicks talking.
“When i speak with him i want to vomit”
i see this movie takes no time in predicting Sandler’s future career. anyway, after that pointless bit, we cut to Sandler in front of the cruise ship we’ll be spending an hour and a half on.
oh, and he talks to us. yeah, i don’t know if this is tape, like the opening implies, or just a bad fourth wall break. either way, i’m annoyed
“what you’re about to see is a loosely thrown together story”
hey, mocking the movie is my job!
“this is a no budget flick. not a low budget. no budget
i admit it’s neat to see them admitting that this movie was cheap, but it’s not very funny. also, the movie’s real budget was 200 grand. it was filmed on a ship that was going to the miss universe pageant, which will explain the chicks we see in the movie. yes, in the movie’s world they are those pageant chicks, and it even figures into the plot
so Sandler here is a sea cruise waiter who dreams of doing stand up comedy. yeah, keep dreaming buddy. he gets on the ship and starts doing his waiter stuff
then a bird shits on him. yep, it’s a sandler movie. then we spot the asshole for the film, comedian Dickie diamond. he has girls drooling over him as he tells stories about gross stuff, such as his dick shriveling up.
yep, i’m annoyed. it really didn’t take long, did it?
Sandler’s friend Bob comes in, and listens to the stuff dickie is saying, since Sandler hates him
“so this chick has a scissor hold on me, i’m fucking dying, so i said “hey grandma, get out!”
if you’re goal was to make him unfunny so we’ll root for sandler, your goal has been achieved.
“he’s just talking about incest. guy needs help”
how sad is it that Adam Sandler is the smartest guy so far? so anyway, we cut to later, as sandler as in his room, as he tells us some boring stuff
he also tells bob (who comes in) that he’s talking to the camera. oh, and we cut to the guy from the very start for a flash. so…this is something he recorded. so….is this a found footage movie?
please have the paranormal activity demon come and slam a door!
so Adam starts to try out his comedy stuff on bob, and he says this
“I can’t think of anything funny”
that explains,…your entire career. so after he fails to be funny, we cut to later, as dickie is doing his routine. and…he talks about being hot, flipping people off, and drinking. he also has a long bit with a chick in the audience about where she’s from
god, forget Sandler, this guy is annoying! he’s not funny, he rambles and he is just a pain to watch! it’s sad how sandler isn’t as annoying as this douche
Sandler tells dickie to lay off the woman, but dickie just acts like…well a dick. so of course, Adam pulls out a gun and shoots him ….
THANK YOU ADAM SANDLER! ….god, i just said that.
….that’s a gun? I’ve seen nerf guns more realistic than that! also…what. adam goes up and does his comedy, which makes this part even weirder
but of course, it was all just an imagine spot by sandler. This has been another..
we cut to some rock start named Croaker (played by the movie’s producer) whose agents tells they gotta make an action figure out of him, which leads to a long talk about dolls. also, as this happens, Croak is with a chick and licks her fingers
…i hate this movie. by the way, said chick…is played by the film’s directer. at least we know how the dude got the film
oh, and then Sandler pops up
“These guys have nothing to do with this flick, but we threw them in for a little variety”
…wow. how can i hate a movie that admits a scene is pointless? ….like this . FUCK THIS MOVIE
despite that comment, the scenes goes on, as Croak tells Sandler about how he had a job as a waiter once, and got people’s food in his finger nails. …i have a new least favorite character!
this guy is the leader singer oh “Yellow Teeth”, and i hope we don’t see more of them later. after that, Sandler bitches about how ladies love him cuz his rich
…then those chicks from the start talking about what they would do with one million dollars. uh….pointless
After that sandler, gets off work and heads to the bar, where Croaker happens to be. thankfully, he leaves to bandgsome chicks
I shall mention how Croacker’s agent,. is played by the man who would later direct Battleship. another boat movie that sucks, but that’s another story
after a bit with bob, and a bit with a chick who walks in and leaves, dickie shows up. adam asks if he can open up for his routine, but Dickie says no, and tells sandler that he doesn’t give a fuck about what he is saying.
oh, and you know that chick i mentioned in passing? she comes back, and we find she is dickie’s girlfirned, and dickie assumes sandler bashed her, so she punches him
man, this movie is boring so far. annoying too. nothing really happens, the “jokes” are dumb and the pacing is as slow as a dial up computer.
depressed,. i watch the movie some mo-i mean Sandler slinks off.
“i wonder where i’ll be in ten years”
your career will be having a decline, and you will be filming a movie i’m saving for the finale.
then…the chicks talk again, about what he said. okay, what’s the point?! it’s nothing but useless padding that’s not funny!
Adam tells us he’s depressed, but his line reading is so bad that i can’t even tell. geez, Sandler is actually a decent actor, but you can’t tell here. it’s not an awful performance, but it’s really phoned in
so Sandler goes to bed….and has a dream. oh god. here, adam is in the loony bin, while dickie heckles him and….turns into a cartoon as he claws his face out.
…..really, that happens. WHAT THE HELL?!
Sandler wakes up, and….then goes back to sleep. i don’t care for this film
in this dream, sandler is with a bunch of hots chicks….but then his mom shows up, scolds him and says his dick will fall off. and…it’s the actor who plays bob, in drag.
sorry but…ugh, why?! you just reminded me of that OTHER crossdressing sandler movie,. fuck you!
he wakes up and heads to work. he tells some joke, and a co-worker laughs. the best performance in the movie: finding adam sandler in this movie funny.
…then he has an imagine spot about having a boxing match with dickie. okay, this is fred the movie all over again. the plot is so thin that they fill the film with pointless fantasy scenes that are un-funny, and add nothing to the movie
then…the chicks talk about world peace. okay, this is just stupid. no one said anything about the world, and now this shit happens? one even rambles about “General Noriega” and how stinky he is. look him up, as Noriega is a real guy, and thus this dates the movie. hell, he was overthrown the year this movie came out
then…we cut to Noriega watching her. yep, the guy from the opening. he is that guy. He’s played by Burt young. make your own joke there.
yes, he’s part of the story now. how is he watching this? why is there a video with those chicks talking? is it pat of sandler’s thing? no fucking clue
there is no attempt to have this make sense, or tie into they actual story, and yet it acts like it’s interesting.
anyway, Burt young gets pissed and calls in his gun wielding buddies and asks them to kill her. they go on to talk about how burt smells like old pizza. it’s stupid
hell, these nerf fun wielding idiots have a 5 minute comedy routine that goes on forever. goddam it, this kind of thing pops uup in my reviews too often. Dinner for Shmucks, Fred, and now this. why must you put 10 minute comedy routines in the middle of the plot?
There’s a difference between seinfeldian conversation and overly long gag, guys!
Whatever, we cut back to the ship as dickie stumbles around and bumps into miss Australia, the chick who pissed off Noreagia. she mentions doing an interview where she spoke about Noregia, but that doesn’t answer my questions. How did N watch it? why was the tape named after sandler? WHY?!
She walks away, and dickie stumbles more, as he has the shits. Comedy gold. His hat falls off into the water, and he runs off to the bathroom.
Australia returns, as she sees dickie’s hat in the water and thinks he fell overboard. to make it worse, he is locked in the bathroom
and by worse, i mean better. on one hand, you can assume he jumped to escape the movie, or you can also be happy he’s locked in a place where this movie belongs.
And then…they hold a memorial service for him. Yeah, they don’t even wait or anything. They don’t try to find him. We just cut a bit later as they call him dead. logic!
SANDLER: the guy talked about banging his grandmother, what is this?
Please, stop being smart
Of course, sandler sees this as his big chance. So then he-wait who is this guy? Some dude in a costume just walked behind him. who are you?
“I am king neptune, god of the sea”
Neptune. dead serious. Neptune shows up. He tells Sandler he is the real deal. But….how? This movie was dumb but it kept SOME form of reality. but the,….neptune shows up. WHY!?
No one else sees him. Sandler doesn’t question it too much. He’s just there. He tells Sandler about the power of laughter, and how he should go up there. Yeah neptune has nothing better to do than help start Sandler’s carrer, and advocate taking advantage of a guy’s death.
Neptune rambles on another overly long gag,
“There’s a movie here, they don’t want to hear this”
Then Neptune leaves, and my brain just….brained. sandler goes back to bob, as he is nervous about going up.
“Don’t try to be funny”
Sure you aren’t sandler agent these days?
So Sandler heads on up. He tries to be funny by asking the auidence some questions but..
“Quit trying to be funny, cuz all you’re doing is pissing me off!”
Think that was the critic quote on this movie’s DVD? Hell, everything the people say after is stuff i would have said such as “I HATE YOU” and “SHUT UP”
“A corpse would be funnier than you are”
Ny new favorite character! so anyway. They demand that Croacker sing instead, so he goes up. and inexplicably, instruments pop up as well as background dancers, and his bandmates. I threw out logic long ago,
Oh, and one of the bandmates is played by…Dan povenmire. He can’t be the same one i’m thinking of, right now? He clearly some other Dan povenmire and not the cartoon writer/creator we all know..
*looks it up*
…It is. Dan povenmire, one of my favorite people, has a cameo in this movie. …..FUUUUU-
*one mental breakdown later*
Sorry, sorry. i know it’s just a nons-speaking cameo but….seriously? This was before a majority of his work, so i can’t exactly blame him for what is his first major role. hell, he has no lines. but just the fact that he is in one of the worst movies ever is…ugh.
Hell, he actually did that animated openimg …We all gotta start somewhere.
This song not only sucks, but it goes for way too long. It turns the movie into a bad music video for like 5 minutes. Yet again, they’re wasting time.
the next day, Sandler talks to bob, who admits he hates stand up comedians, for the most part. he goes on some dumb spiel about it which is pointless and not funny. then…this happens.
THAT FACE,. IT BURNS~
So anyway, bob suggests that sandler try some jokes, instead fof being himself.
“Hreat idea, but first, let’s see a montage of some beautiful women”
then there’s a scene with N’s men from Earlier heading out to the boat…and arguing for a few minutes. Then with that see the general with a chick, talking for a bit. This goes on for ten fucking minutes, and it’s not funny. They just say filler shit about salami, and other crap.
This movie uses up it’s running time with kind of shit. It’s hard to sum up in words. but trust me, it’s pointlessly long.
Some filler later, Sandler is given another chance and tries another act. But of course, he bombs even harder.
“Do i know nothing about the art of comedy”
You know the answer.
Sandler is now…somewhere else when…Milton Berle shows up. What. seriously, he’s randomly in the ship restaurant place, and milton here shows up out of nowhere.
Oh, and the stuff he says has a random laugh track. Its mean to be “clever” but it’s just pointless and stupid. Sandler isn’t phased, as they talk.
He tells milton about what is going on, and even this guy says his jokes suck. He gives sandler some jokes that fit the women on the ship and trust me, these jokes aren’t any better
he tells Sandler to trust the power of laughter, as he walks off.
“Maybe this phrase will tie the whole story together in a clever way or something”
….I hate you.
Then he says he is about as confused as we are, and has no idea why he is somewhere else, and tries to magic himself back to the ship.
He says “take my wife please” 3 times and is teleported back to his stand up spot.
CANDACE: i have no idea what just happpend
And suddenly, people find him funny now. K?
suddenly….Niagera’s men shows up and start shooting. Oh god, i never thought i’d be happy to see them!
Adan and Bob hide on a life boat, as the men say they just want Miss Australia, who sandler is happy to see die, as she was a bitch to him. She’s right behind them, isn’t she?
Yep, she was hiding in the boat too. She says he is a different woman now that dickie is “dead”. Then she….runs in fright when the men say they will cut her fingernails.
Whatever. I should also mention how Niagera’s thing is now in the plot, when the very first scene showed it outside the movie’s world, and the chick’s talking, and how he reac-
This movie makes no fucking sense.
so one chase scene later, the chick says this
“Just because i’m pretty, everybody thinks i’m stupid”
SANDLER: where did that come from?..
Okay, that’s a little funny. Still makes that bit pointless, as the chase goes on after that. Eventually, Australia decides to give herself up and even tries to say she lied about the Noriega thing, but the men take her..
Oh, and bob and the chick had a “romance” moment and they kissed, which sandler scoffs at. Whhen she is captured, they argue about saving her, with that kiss as a backbone to their points.
Ut’s pointless and stupid.You get it by now. Bob goes out to gave her…and is punched out. Sandler seems to be happy, like the prick he is. he also says he doesn’t wanna go out there to save her as he might get shot.
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.
Then…he wonders what happens when you die…and we cut to chicks talking about it.
GOD WHAT THE FUCK?!
….I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But man, when I saw this just now, I literally slapped my forehead. You wanna know what I think? If you’re good, you get to watch funny mel brooks movies, but if you’re bad, you watch this.
He then remembers milton’s words, and goes out to kill them with laughter…but he is captured. I don’t see where he went wrong. With his bad jokes, he could kill anyone!
One of the men happens to drag him by the stand up place, so sandler tries to crack some jokes, which starts to work. even achmed (the man here) gets some laughs. the other man drags Australia over, then bob shows up and takes her.
Yeah, the dude doesn’t struggle, Australia is just taken by bob. He saves her, in the most anti-climatic way possible. I mean, the man was only a tiny bit distracted by achmed saying he makes people laugh, so this is just dumb.
Then they confess their love. I didn’t expect them to hook up at all, which could be out and there and unexpected in a clever way…but it’s just dumb and pointless.
Achmed tellshis partner, that shecky has offered to make them stand up comics, and will even write materiel for them,. he also says he will put them in a movie, and points to the camera. I’d rant about this, but we’ll almost done.
Oh, and you may wonder what happened to dickie, since he got locked in the bathroom. well, we had a couple bad scenes with him in there, but now we cut him as…the door magically opens. no explanation, it just does as he begs to god. He then says he is an atheist. Whatever, i don’t care.
he runs out, and everyone is confused, since he should be dead. The two men throws him overboard, and whatever i don’t give a fuck.
Then…we cut to Noriega, as he shoots the TV playing all this out. If you think this makes no sense, especially with him sending the men out….then you are sane.
we cut to sandler talking to us, as he says everything worked out. Croacker has women all over him, Bob has a wife, the two men have an audience, and Sandler got to be a comedian. then….neptune shows up again.
I forgot to mention: He’s played by billy zane. At one point, dickie, when the terrorists are heard, thinks the ship an iceberg, and he says it’s another tiantic.
this was years before the movie Titanic with Billy Zane. Take that of what you will.
Then…neptune shows Sandler his hot daughter, and allows him to go off to kiss. how….random. so they kiss and..
We see Dickie in the water, saying fuck you. then the credits roll. What a fitting ending, as that’s what the entire movie felt like. A big fuck you. But on the bright side, IT’S FINALLY OVER!
I shouldn’t have started Adam Sandler month with this. I pretty much blew the worst film out of the water. this movie pissed me off to no end.
And it’s not because of the flat acting, the un-funny jokes, or even dan povenmire being in it. It’s the freaking plot itself. Nothing in this movie makes any fucking sense. The characters are annoying, bland, stupid and don’t do anything to help make this plot any better.
It’s filled to the brim and pointless filler scenes that make the movie longer than it should. Fanstasy scenes, dream scenes, the chicks talking, all of it. This movie is clearly all improv, and is filled with mugging and desperate attempts to get a laugh.
the plot itself makes no sense, as it can’t decide if it wants to be a co-herent comedy, or a 4th wall breaking fest. does it want a clever kind of spoof of cliche movies, or just a normal comedy?
This movie throws everything in there and nothing sticks at all. it makes many attempts at being clever, and all it does is make those scenes even more pointless. The logic makes no sense, such as the whole Noregia thing and the tape he watches.
There is even more stupidity and dumb bits thatI failed to mention, and I touched on most of it! It’s hard to sum up in words how bad this movie is. It almost rivals jack and jill. dead serious.
The bulk of this review sums up this movie well, so there’s no need to go on.
Sandler’s performance isn’t his worst, but his acting is mostly dull and lifeless, rather than plain un-funny. That goes to everyone else, who annoys me even more!
To sum it up, this movie makes no sense it all, and is not funny in the slightest. for Sandler, the first time was not the charm.
And to think….we only just started. we have much more Adam Sandler month to go through. ….This is gonna be a long November