Foodfight!

Hello, Spongey here

When it comes to bad movies, I’m used to it being clear cut. either it is so bad it’s good, or so bad it’s horrible. The Room, or Jack and Jill. Simple

But some movies are ..odd. Some films have elements that should make a good bad movie, but a lot of it is…a bad bad movie. You can’t call it completely horrible, due to getting some joy out of minor parts. yet, you can’t call it so bad it’s good, due to all the pain it’s caused you.

These movies are a critic’s worst nightmare. NFL Rush zone and Birdemic are perfect examples.

And so is this movie. To close out Halloween,  Let’s check out something very creepy…not scary, Just creepy.

This, is FoodFight!

A while ago, i looked at this movie’s trailer, and discussed it’s interesting history. However, you can look it up if you forgot. I don’t want to really get into it.

Short version: The story of the thief and the cobbler, but it was doomed from the start.

The movie opens at a supermarket, as the owner is just closing up. Yep, jumping right in. Hell, it’s 42 seconds in when it officially closes. I counted.

Yes, don’t build up this world. Don’t give us time to know anyone. Just jump us in before we even hit the two minute mark. And it’s here where this movie’s first problem shows up..

The animation. It’s horrible. I mean, every character looks like a wax figure…of a wax figure! Everything is stiff,  and it feels like video brenqudo on a good day.

So the market shuts down…and the movie really starts. The aisles all light up, and everything comes to life.  Also, there’s now a sky indoors. What.

You see, every product mascot here is alive, and hangs out in this city. How does this world of walking mascots work? No idea. Nothing is ever explained.

And as the movie goes on, this world raises SO MANY QUESTIONS.  But we’ll get to that.  Anyway, I shall answer your first question: Are all the mascots here real?

Yes, and no. You see, This movie was pitched as the food mascot version of roger rabbit.  So they tried to get the rights to some. Sadly. due to this movie not getting off the ground soon enough, that didn’t fully happen.  Instead, some are the real deal, while others are lame stand ins, or just completely fictional.

Hell, in the first few minutes, where we see a bit of the town, we get MR CLEAN. Dead serious. Wait. this movie has FOOD mascots in this store, and Mr Clean is the ONLY Non-food mascots. Do…they think Mr Clean is food?

Anyway, we cut to our main hero, Dax Dogective (mascot for some cereal). He is of course, a detective, voiced by charlie sheen.

Of all the voices, his is the least surprising to hear.

Right now, he’s on a roof top fighting some bad guys. Yeah, I guess some mascots are bad eggs. I never trusted Chester cheetah.

This scene is just kinda dumb, so i’ll skip it. He kicks their asses and jumps to the ground, where a reporter is there. Yeah, despite this town being mascots, they still have “normal” people to fill normal jobs.

“This your 500th case, Dax. what’s your secret?”

“The secret’s inside”

Yes, that is his catchphrase. It makes no sense.

Anyway, Dax than talks to his friend, Daredevil Dan the squirrel.. He’s the mascot for some chocolate thing. Which is funny cuz he’s black and it’s racist.

Also, Wayne brady. Yes, the famous voices are many with this movie.

We learn Dex is going to propose to Sunshine Goodness, his mary sue love interest, and the mascot for rains. You know, dogs actually choke on Raisins.

Yeah, she is also kind of a cat, but also kind of human. It’s never made clear. Either way, I object to this marriage. Also, Hilairy duff. She’s one of the few Disney stars to not go insane, but I say that’s bull is she’s in THIS movie.

They walk, and she moves so fast I swear the camera is getting dizzy. I should also mention that the creatures in this world are called “ikes”. Short for icon, i guess.

You know how Birdemic has the stupid romantic bullshit that is boring?  Yeah, this is like that, though not as pointless. Seriously, it’s sickeningly sweet…in a bad way.

Also, I notice trees, grass…and food such as ice cream. This world only gets weirder, my friends. Anyway, the two get love-y, but are thankfully stopped when Dan flies on his plane.

But he is doing some skywriting to help them out, so the romance goes on. But, he tries the loop de loop, and crashes. This will get a callback later on.

Dax wants to forgot about it, so he can propose, but Sunshine wants to make sure Dan is okay. Yeah, he keeps getting blocked cuz…he’s charlie sheen.

We cut to hours later, as Dax is with Dan. Sunshine hasn’t shown up, and Dan says she never appeared to help him. Dun dun dun!

“Don’t worry, you can pop the question tomorrow. It’s not like this is the last time you’ll ever see sunshine again!”

..Ouch.

After that card pops up, we cut to the market during the day. as in walks in-

…A man having a seizure.  Seriously. He walks so damn weird. He jumbles around, in ways a human should never do. Yeah, this animation is amazing.

Also, Christoper Lloyd. Thank god The Haunting Hour came to save him.  Also this scene….is our first bad it’s good aspect. I mean, he just walks so weird, and his voice is so hammy, that he’s fun to watch. Sadly, this is a cameo, as he only appears two more, brief times.

He tells the owner, that a product called Brand X (subtle) is going to be shipped here to test it out. The owner isn’t keen on it, but Lloyd insists.

Then he does the most awful thing ever…STOMPS ON A BAD OF CHIPS. NOOOO! THAT WAS THE BEST CHARACTER!

Yeah, the owner makes a deal out if it, mourning about how it was a perfectly good bad of chips. This movie is weird.

“Survival OF THE FITTEST, LEONARD!”

Behold, the best line read ever.

Anyway, after Lloyd does that, we cut to night, as Dax is sad about sunshine. And, now he is the oh so cliche depressed cop. Yes, this movie also puts in bad cliches that aren’t spoofed, but played straight. It’s Hoodwinked 2 all over again!

He’s also the kind of guy who collects newspaper clippings of his failures, and hangs them up!
“Sunshine…my only sunshine”

Oh, this movie also has puns. A lot of puns. a lot of AWFUL puns. Anyway, Dan shows up and asks to fly Dex to a club.

“I’m sad, but I’m not crazy”

So Dan flies by himself and…he ogles a woman.

“Nice packaging, how about some chocolate frosting?!”

…Ew.

After crashing into the tree of the rice Krispie elves (really) we cut to the alley near the club, as the Kid Cuisine penguin is talking to some…weasel con man.

Dax shows up, and the slimy dude tries to make some kind of deal, but Sheen isn’t feeling too crazy tonight. Weasel guy then wanders on a train track, and Dax watches as a train hits him. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! But of course, he survives because….logic!

Wait…WHY IS THERE A TRAIN.

He walks in the club, where the California raisins are performing. …Somehow I see this being left out of their E true hollywood story special.

CALIFORNIA RAISINS, FROM FAME…TO FOODFIGHT

Also…Mrs Buttersworth cameo. what. Oh, and she spills some of…her, i guess on….mr clean. Mr Clean/Buttersworth otp.

Dax walks up to the bar.

“Got milk?”

“Do i look like the diary queen to you?”

Ugh.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I’VE HAD ENOUGH *drools*

Oh, and remember that crushed chip bag? Yeah the mascot for the chips is there. Getting drunk. You know-for kids!

“You better stop before you get…chip faced”

…..okay then.

So the doors open…and in walks-

…Well, this is interesting. This is Lady X, and yeah she’s our femme fatale. Everyone falls for her, and yeah…she may be a tiny bit hot. Her voice doesn’t help, as it it’s kinda…interesting.

Eva longoria.  Yep, and she is one of two other voice actors in this movie who help the so bad it’s good aspect. We’ll meet the other later. Anyway, Dax notices her.

“Of all the produce bars, in all the supermarkets of all the world,  she had to walk into mine”.

.

..Ugh.

While Dax talks to her, pirate chip mascot guy walks up to them.

“Thar be something dirty about this detergent!” .

..No comment.

DAN: You can kiss my additives!

…This movie is weird.

Chip guy is pissed since her rep, stomped his bag. Geez guy I made less of a deal of it. And I drew a headstone in paint …in 5 seconds.

“Is it my fault you had inferior packaging?”

Yeah, she says stuff like this. Add that to her looks and voice…and you get the weirdest boner.  So anyway, after that, she walks off….with Dan.

“What can i say? chicks dig chocolate”

..Sex jokes i could have made: 4 (counting the pirates “dirty” comment)

Dax sulks home, and drinks some milk. Then, out of nowhere, Lady X walks i-

OH GOD.

As if she couldn’t get dirty enough, you put her in a fucking schoolgirl outfit! Ugh, seriously. as long as she doesn’t do anything nas-

OH COME ON! Geez, are you sure this is a kid’s movie?!

Anyway, she talks about looking for a guy, and she makes more smexy poses, as we see a bulge in Dax’s pants-

NOT LIKE THAT! It’s near his knee…which may be worse.

Anyway, she hits on him (she says dan was just an appetizer, i guess). However, he sees through her bullshit, but she swears she’s good.

She swoons a bit more, and my god, everything she does is pure sex. In a weird way. Oh yeah, there’s a plot, isn’t there?

She mentions being recalled and wants to forgot her past, but Dax can’t forget his. Yeah, that sunshine thing. Almost forgot.  But just as Dax rolls over, he hears a shriek, so he walks off.

“I haven’t shown you my secret ingredient”

Sex jokes i could have made: 5

As it turns out, it came from Dax’s boss, as outside, some ikes have been killed. …YOU KNOW-FOR KIDS!

You see, when a mascot dies, or vanishes, the product goes away too.  Not even joking about that.  Go ahead and analyze that yourselves, guys. And yes, they actually do say they were killed. This movie is dark…and yet it still sucks.

Oh, and dan vanished too. YAY! No,. he’s not “dead” yet, but he’s gone. Dax says he doesn’t get involved, cuz he’s a depressed cop.

We cut back to the market where…yep, Seizure Lloyd returns! He notices that some food has gone bad. So he comes with brand x in tow. and…he vanishes again until the climax. boo.

Wait, if Brand X is a generic brand, hence the name, why does it have a mascot? I don’t get it.

Back inside the store that night, Dax tells us, i mean himself, that there is a brand X for every ike lost.  What is brand x, you may ask? Never explained. We see some bad guys that are part of X, but we don’t know exactly what it is.

Anyway, at a meeting of the United Supermarket Defense Association (really), Lady X shows up,. along with..

Naxi’s,. i’m not even joking. Brand X is a huge Nazi stand in. You’ll see more later on.

Lady X claims that Brand X is gone, and wants to show them a better world. Yeah, you can see where this is going. Some people object, such as  Charlie the tuna dolphin…yes. But she of course, says it’s all good.

So her nazi friend visits that Weasel   guy ,and asks where Dax is. I guess no one else knows where he is. Oh, and Nazi guy is Jeff Bennett. You know, Johnny Bravo, and many others.

He is the other so bad it’s good aspect. Seriously, his voice is so delicious and hammy. it sounds like tim curry’s long lost brother.  Watch this movie, and you’ll see what i mean.

Nazi guys pushes Weasel guy…off a roof. We hear a crash. so..he’s dead. yikes, this movie is dark…and it STILL sucks

So a bit later, dax is walking and…bumps into Weasel guy. Okay, how the fuck do you survive that?!!

They talk a bit, he gives dax info on lady x, and how dan vanished and stuff that i can explain later. He also peddles his goods, which makes him even creepier.

Then, out of nowhere, a wrecking ball falls on him. again, he lives. okay, if you’re going to use looney tunes slapstick…don’t do it look this.

So Dax breaks into Lady X’s place to find out more of what is going on. he sadly bumps into he-

My god. she is pure se-i mean GRRRR THIS MOVIE SUX GRRR. er, anyway,

Then…they dance. Yeah, it’s one of those, good guy and bad girl dance things, only it comes out nowhere.

“Being filthy could be loads of fun”

Sex jokes i could have made: 6

” i want to scrub your bubbles dex”

Sex jokes i could have made: 7

Seriously, stop it. yeah, this dance scene is..odd. It’s one of those “they obviously are fighting, but it’s funny cuz they’re dancing” deals. It’s…dumb

Dax tries to squeeze some info out of her, but gets nothing but more sexy times.  Though she eventually gives away how she’s evil, and says dan will be fine (kidnapped) as long as dax backs brand x. So that’s her game….

He rejects and…she kicks his ass.

“We could have been like macaroni and  cheese. peanut brother and jelly. scotch and tape..”

….The scotch part scares me.

Anyway, dax wakes up with dan, as he is now trapped by Lady X.  Where are there? Okay, i think it’s …a washing machine? The vents? I don’t know, i think it’s the former, but why is there one in a store? cCuld be the vents..

and then-

…Yep, another outfit. seriously, the animators must have had some serious issues…

So her plan is to kill some ikes, then replace them with brand x, and take over. Yeah, death is part of the plot. You know, being dark doesn’t ,make a kid’s movie good. it just makes it lame.

Anyway, Dax and Dan escape but end up spying on Lady X,. Don’t ask for the details, besides you don’t care. They see that lady x is building a big ass robot army thingy.

“what the fudge?”!

….i hate you

Anyway, after finding this out, Dax admits he’s a bit scared,. and thinks of quitting. then dan tells him he can do this, for sunshine’s sake. Thene Dax says he does have an idea.

Yep, that little bit was solved in less than a minute. Thank god, i almost cared about the characters for a minute!

“let’s snap crackle and pop out of here”

I’d make a food pun count, but let’s face it, we’d be here all day. So the two head down to visit a scientist ….with a huge freaking noise. I’d question it, but hey, scientist mascots could exist.

Also, nasal guy here? larry miller. shocked? Also, this guy is really freaking annoying. He talks fast, moves fast, whines, and acts like Dr Frink’s retarded cousin.  It says something, when, in a sea of terrible characters, this guy is the most annoying.

Thankfully, charlie sheen slaps him .

So Dax got this liquid, which is from the brand x stuff. This only raises more questions. What IS brand x, and where did this liquid come from, and how did it get out if it? EXPLAIN MOVIE, EXPLAIN!

Whatever, dax has some, and tells nasal dude that he could help stop brand x with the help of this sample.  A bit later, he tells dax that brand x is highly addictive. So…it’s a drug?

That explains so much.,

So what will dax do? Get brand x recalled! how? Sneak to the store owner’s computer, and send an email to the company to recall it. Yeah, an email is all it takes to recall something. Logic!

So yeah, they gotta sneak to the computer during the day, which poses problems. I could ask more questions about how mascots are alive, and what they’re made of….but i don’t care anymore.

So they head out and….we see the shoppers

OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!s

Seriously, that is grade A nightmare fuel! The baby in tin toy is less scary! .,…Moving on.

long story short, they make it to a different room in the market, and here they run into….an obvious rip off of count chocula. This guy has a name, but i’ll call him vampire guy

Not sure where they are, but they do mention the dead ikes, so  i guess this is where they are? i don’t know, but vampire guy is creepy.

“Is that the enticing smell of chocolate”

Is if this movie couldn’t get creepier, they throw in GAY TEXT.

Anyway, he says that lady x did off him, But he’s modeled off a vampire, so he didn’t get hurt.

Yeah, whatever a mascot is based on get it’s powers. So i guess dax should be licking his balls right now.

Hey, wait, they’re in the room with the computer. Why is there a vampire guy here that the owner clearly should have noticed? Whatever, they get on…but a blue thing,with a woman’s voice, is there. The computer’s mascot.

Skay, this movie makes no fucking sense. But whatever, you can analyze it all you want. Anyway, nazi guy uses glue and locks them in. You see, the bad guys followed them over here.

So by jumping on a glue thing and putting it  on  a door’s basic edges, you can lock someone in. LOGIC! Anyway, on the computer, they find out there have been only two recalls in the past. one of which was some kind of huge prune.

Sigh, yes this does come back later. They even talk at length about ugly the prune mascot was

“i’ll say what we’re all thinking…she’s hideous! she’s…unattractive”

hey, that was almost funny! …almost. so the other recall? sunshine goodness.

DUN DUN DUN!

The computer says that both were recalled…by brand x. DUN DUN DUN! Yep, the bad guys recalled his girlfriend, so now he’ has a fully character ar-

Oh who am i kidding? he kicks ass, and doesn’t have much depth besides cliche story crap. anyway, they are about to recall brand x…when nazi guy blows out the fuse, turning off the computer.

They use the vents to get back to town. Yeah, guess the nazi guy didn’t consider common sense.  Anyway, we get a bit with lady x, where she sends the undesirable mascots to the expiration station.

SUBTLE

Everything she says in this scene screams nazi analogy it’s just….wow. Anyway, we cut to the club where the remaining ikes are getting ready to revolt.

But just then, the nazi’s (face it, they’re nazis) come in. Yeah, guess they didn’t think that they could be seen walking in…idiots.

And yes, we get more of Not!Tim curry being hammy and all around awesome. sSuff like this is what makes this movie fun. Stuff like puns….make it horrible

So what do they do? Chant the bran X anthem. Yeah, i don’t know. it’s only here so they can get in the closest thing to a villain song. To be fair, this anthem isn’t awful or  anything, but it’s odd

So then…a french mascot guy farts in jeff’s face. I was wondering when we’d get that joke!

“don’t get smart!”

The motto for the writers of this movie. So then…dax asks this moose guy to play a record….which happens to the anthem for the  good guy’s.

Is it for the market? one of the ikes? No idea.

and thus they use it to drown out the brand x anth-

WAIT A MINUTE!

Is this….a spoof of that scene from Casablanca where they drown out the nazi anthem? ….Not only did they reference the most overused movie quote ever, they also spoofed a random scene…for no reason at all.

Plus, no kid will get this at all. Hell, i barely got it! So this is too odd for adults, and kids won’t get it. Fuck you

So Dax tells him to fuck off, and they do. Yeah, don’t kill them or anything. just slink away. This movie is dumb.  oh, and then nazi guy says this

” i love pulverizing!”

It doesn’t seem that big…but the way he says that is so freaking hammy, that  i love it.  So anyway, the bad guys gather their army outside, while the ikes gather in the club

Yep, it’s war time. this movie is around and hour and 30 minutes, give or take. We are now  52 minutes in. so if the climax comes, it may be like 20 minutes long. Granted, the more epic kid’s films have longer climaxes, but for a movie like this, where it’s done in a more brief manner, it feels too short and weird.

Okay, not a huge problem,. but it’s poor pacing. Me no like! So after making a short speech, the battle starts to begin. dDx climbs to the roof, while staring at lady x who is on the next roof.

The armies stare and then…

“Foodfight!”

TITLE DROP!

Then all hell breaks loose. the other ikes break out some food and a battle starts.  The battle…is what you’d expect. Stupid jokes, horrible animation, and it’s really stupid. Not the worst climax ever, but they really show how bad the movie is with this scene.

I  can’t say much since it’s just a dumb battle. besides, if I broke down every problem, we’d be here all week. i’ll just sum it up for ya.

but first, Lady x says…this.

“Whip them! whip them bad!”

okay, that is both Sex jokes i could have made: 8 AND an awful pun! i’m getting some real treats today!

Anyway, after some fighting, Dax says they need a guy to through the sewers to sneak into some enemy territory, to cut the power lines. So they get…Weasel guy, who has made a face hell turn. ugh, he’s still here

Along with Nose guy, he’s the most annoying character as he slinks around and makes bad jokes. Also, he’s voiced by the director. Eh, i figured he was a shady con man anyway.

Back with lady x, nazi guy drags in some frog, who knows Dax’s plan, but refuss to talk. So….she pulls out his tongue and gets out a knife.

You know-for kids! Thankfully (?), one of her henchmen, who i never mentioned cuz he was boring, makes a turn and stops her.  He runs off after, and she lets him go cuz he’s doomed anyway. I only mentioned that cuz of the knife thing,. it’s pointless otherwise

During the X onslaught….the kid cuisine penguin,…is killed.

NO, NOT THE CHARACTER WHO I DIDN’T;’ GIVE A SHIT ABOUT!

“No one puts polar in the freezer!”

…no comment

This pisses dax off cuz….i don’t know. He was a character who didn’t really do anything, like at all.  Couldn’t it have been someone like dan,? Sure, i hated the penguin guy too but..,still!

Eh, whatever. an ike died, so it’s sad i guess. Hell, he even takes a can and squishes an army guy with it. Okay….that was kind of awesome. i ADMIT IT

Oh, and a french guy dies too, but that’s in passing. Yeah, this movie is pretty racist.

So anyway, nasal guy runs in (they bring the dead to the club) and tells them that he ran more tests on the brand x poison, and how it makes ikes die in weird ways

“Snot happens!”

Shut the fudge up. So Dax tells him to make an antidote….uh, Why didn’t he do it while he was in his lab doing the tests? He had plenty of time after all. He just ran to tell dax and expected him not to ask for one? Whatever, i don’t care.

So anyway, they put in some plan into play, and Dax says he can do stop their brand x supply so the carnage can end. However, dan tells the trip to do so could be suicide.

do it! PLEASE DO IT DAX

Then, after thinking, he decides to do it….for sunshine.  that would be sweet…if it wasn’t cliche, and these characters weren’t lazy.

But hey, charlie sheen’s gonna die. get excited!

Dax gives a speech about how he gave up earlier, and how dan helped him and blah blah. It’s forcefully heartwarming, and it’s awful. i just don’t care. I admit, it’s not the worst attempt at heartwarming, but it’s still done badly.

It could have worked, if they wrote it  in a way where the story was…more original, more interesting, and less shitty.

After Weasel guy takes down the power lines, the two head in dan’s plane to go fight
“once more into the  bleach my friend. once more”

Ikay i get it! you’ve seen adult movies, can you stop now?!
So anyway, they set up lightning rods on the roofs, and through magic,  a shock happens and buildings fall and the war turns in  their favor.

Dax breaks into lady x’s place and….finds sunshine goodness. DUN DU= oh who cares? and now dax is faced with nazi guy and lady x..

“on your knees, dog!”

Sex jokes i could have made: 9

“i’m not the one whos gonna be puppy whipped!”

okay, is this movie for kids or what?

Sex jokes i could have made: 10

“you cold farted itch!”

..

….What. What? WHAT?! THIS IS THE SINGLE STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE! Not only is it a reference to a bad word, it also MAKES NO SENSE!

How do you know her farts are cold? What does cold farted mean? How is she an itch? HOW CAN AN ITCH BE COLD FARTED?!

In a movie full of bad lines, this is by FAR the worst!

…Anyway, slady x tells nazi guy to off sunshine

“with great…pleasure”

….

I don’t like how he said pleasure. Even better, after he says that, lady x says “…i’ll leave you to it” and leaves.

Yay, another funny part!

But, rather quickly, dax knocks him out with a raisin. It’s dumber than it sounds.

“I think i just wet myself…it feels rather nice”

Goddammit, fuck you.

So anyway, you might be asking how sunshine is alive. I mean, she was kidnapped, yes. But…she was recalled. so shouldn’t she be….gone?

“they took my essence!”.

…excuse me?

“The evil x turned your sweetness into something vile”.

.Excuse me? ….uh, so I think they are saying that they took sunshine’s….essence and turned it into a powerful anti-product: brand x.

So ….she’s now a huge sue. Also, HOW DOES THAT WORK!? How did they do that? Why was she recalled? how did they-

I hate to steal a bit from the nostalgia critic but…

JUST. EX-…PLAAIIIIIIIIIIN!
*BOOM*

 …Thank god i have no Photoshop effects, or that would have been terrible! So anyway, they cuddle a bit as shit goes down, thinking they may die. Hey, at least they still have the supermarket. …

.,.Sorry, the Casablanca puns really got to me.

Also…remember how dan tries the loop de loop? Teah, we get a callback. Dan tries it again in order to do some hero stuff. Sadly, he does it and saves the couple

They land, but then….Seizure Lloyd returns! ….And he’s stomping through the town. ….HOW DOES THAT WORK?! How can a dude just-

This movie isn’t very good.

Doc Brown stomps in and hams it up, and rambles a bit. Dax tuns up to him.  with the help of his friend, they trip Judge doom up.

Ten…his face opens up. …and he’s a robot…

Okay, that explains the seizures. Tut….what. and who could pop out of that robot…but lady x?

Yep, one hammy villain controlled another.  she then says that she….is the mascot for the prunes that were recalled.. DUN DUN DUN!

“a quick trip to Brazil. a little plastic surgery..”

While she says this, she feels up her body….and emphasis her boobs and butt. This movie is stupid

So how can some weird icon be able to do that? Do you really think that is explained?

“so you built yourself a human robot, recalled sunshine, stole her essence to make your elixir for brand x”

Why, when you say it like that, it sounds really stupid!

See, she’s pissed cuz she was put next to miss perfect and no one cared for her prunes. Yeah, typical villain plan. I actually kind of feel bad for her, but knowing this movie, they won’t make her a good guy
“How did you get out of the store?”

…The robot. kind of….explained back there. Wait, how did she even build a -whatever.
“Humans! when you look like this, you can get them to do anything”

\
….fair enough.

“size only counts for men”

Sex jokes i could have made: 11

“But enough about me, let’s kill you!”

…the way she said that was kinda funny. Anyway, dan watches this-

“Are those melons real?”

Cut to her holding watermelons. ….I hate life. (Wait, why wold she have fake watermelons?)

Then…sunshine comes in and kicks her ass. I would be happy about  a girl fight…but even that can’t save this movie. Wait, if she could kick ass why was she CAPTURED FOR 6 MONTHS?!

“That bimbo’s mine!”

…She didn’t just say that.  I’m hearing things. right?  Let me listen to that part again ….and again

*many re-plays later*

She said it. she really did. they said “Bimbo” in a kid’s movie.  WHAT THE FU-

*one mental breakdown later*

Okay, i’m good.

One fight later, she kicks lady x so hard….that her body deflates into her prune-y self. Yeah, that happens. Okay, she’s an ike, so maybe it works that way.

“all i ever wanted was you….and world domination”

…Nah, it’s not worth it

“frankly my dear, i don’t give a spam”

This movie hurts me. In here. ….yep, in my lower stomach. *barf*

She even moans after that. Even she thought it was bad! Anyway, nasal guy comes, with an antidote, which they to bring the dead back to life.

Playing god. Add that to the list of awful things this movie contains. Seriously, what a cop out.  whatever.

Dax asks Sunshine to marry him, and she says yes.  lady x is carted off, the dead ike live, and they all end crappily ever after..

…But not yet.

We cut to later, as they get together in unholy matrimony.  They kiss at the wedding and…dax stomps on a milk carton.
“Dax is jewish?!”

.

I’ll ignore that.  and then…..the credits roll. yes, it ends on a lame jewish references. sure, There a few quick stingers, but they are brief and aren’t worth a mention.

The credits themselves go on for 5 minutes and….it tells us this movie had 4 WRITERS. 4. WRITERS! and not one of them was good!

The best part? this movie was DEDICATED TO SOMEONE! robin klien. Who is that? No idea. but anyone who gets a dedication in this movie must not have been very important. ( i kid, of course.)

Okay, FINALLY, it’s over.

Final Thoughts:

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!  This movie was awful. The characters were stale, generic and annoying. They spouted bad food puns and worse one liners. the animation is stiff, horrible, and hard to look at.

The story is a freaking mess. the plot makes no sense, the world has no footing, nothing makes any sense,  It  keeps contradicting itself, the story itself is cliche, predictable and had as many plot holes as a slice of swiss. Just thinking about the world will make your head spin

The voice acting mostly sucks too, as do the jokes. Bad BAD food puns, lines referencing movies no kid knows, (MUCH BETTER ones too), making stupid innuendo, pointless pandering to the adults, and one liners that make you want to kill yourself.

The voice actors phone in their roles. charlie sheen just makes those puns, and whines about sunshine, and he sounds like he’d rather be just doing coke and shit. Wayne braady and the rest are even worse, as they are annoying as hell and are just awful.

The stand outs? Lloyd, Eva, and Jeff. They seem like they are having fun and even the various innuendos lady x puts in are kind of fun to riff on. They are so insane, especially Lloyd and Jeff who i swear were high as hell during this.  Just the way they talk, and say the lines really makes them fun to riff on.

In-fact…this movie, really borders on MJFOOTBALL levels of guilty pleasure. Hear me out. Unlike Rush zone, this movie has moments that are just plain bad with no fun level. however, those 3 people, (mostly Jeff)  make it almost so bad it’s good in that way. It’s so much fun to watch them and riff on how bad their performances are.

So on one hand, this movie has logic and puns that horrible. On the other, those three are fun and makes it worth. It’s a serious guilty pleasure at times. I’m not defending it all, nor am i saying that it’s completely “so bad it’ good”. half of it, and half is just awful.

Much like Birdemic, you NEED  another person to watch this with in order to even kind of enjoy it’s horrible-ness. On your own, you won’t even survive the “good” parts. with a friend, it’s  a blast. I watched it with a few on my first viewing, and had fun ….with them.

Long story short, this movie is awful, but has hammy fun bits. Check it out at your own risk. the whole thing is on youtube if you wanna watch it.

Grade: D

whew, what a workout! so, happy Halloween. have fun,.

wait…next month is November. and you know what that means!

..

.

it’s ADAM SANDLER MONTH!

.

..

i hate my life.

see ya.

Advertisements

About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
This entry was posted in Play by Play Reviews, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Foodfight!

  1. satireknight says:

    Yeah, that about sums up all my feelings on this trainwreck. Good review.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s