Hello, Spongey here
Note to Self: Never tease the next review. It will never be what I say it is
Last time, I teased I’d do a movie with communist space spider were-rocks. Well, that movie was Apollo 18. I watched it with some buddies a few months ago, and thought it’d make for a good review.
Well, I started the review, but found little to snark on. Okay, the monster does turn out to be rocks, …spider-y ones. The were-communist part was a joke by my friends. The movie itself, is paranormal activity….IN SPAACE!
It’s…okay. Not good, not bad…just okay. A bit weaker than PA in some bits, but better in others. It’s an odd mix. The premise is neat, and it has some good moments. Some moments take advantage of the Alien-ish horror parts. But however, it gets even more boring than PA at times, by sucking out all the suspense out of this idea.
It’s not terrible though, due to some good scares, and some watchable aspects. But thanks to being kind of dull, and having nothing to mock besides the obvious, it gets a C.
So yeah, it’s a bit too dull for me to really review, but I will make a running out joke of those damn rocks.
But whatever, let’s talk about the Sequel to Paranormal Activity! Of course PA 1 made lots of money, because it helped the audience get to sleep. I mean, it scared them! Yeah..
So of course, they green lit a sequel. But the odd thing is, this is said to be even better than the first one, and actually very good.
Will I agree? Let’s see..
This, is Paranormal Activity 2
The movie opens, …two months before the events of the first one. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. This movie is mostly a prequel, explaining Katie’s earlier demon exploits.
Yeah, the movie called 2, which means a follow up, is a prequel. That’s kind of like making the phantom menace after a new hope. I mean, shouldn’t you save the prequel for the 3rd one? Whatever, maybe this will be interesting.
Anyway, we join Katie and her sister Kristi. See Kristi here has herself a hubbie, named Daniel, and they have a daughter named Ali, and a new infant son, named Hunter.
The film starts as they are arriving home with hunter. We’ll mostly be following Dan and Kristi, because they sound more interesting (and are better actors).
Though, I still question why Daniel has a damn camera with him. I mean, is it really important? That’s the thing with found footage movies. It’s impossible to really explain why they’re filming it, without me questioning it.
He dicks around a bit, though this does a better job of letting us know more about the characters, and I’m not TOO bored yet.
Anyway, they also have a Mexican nanny, because hey, someone needs to tell them about the spirits. Spoiler alert?
They dick around wither hunter, when Katie shows up. Yeah, we have cut to a bit later, forgot to mention. It’s hard to explain through my normal way, but I am kind of liking this family.
The addition of kids and such make them so much more interesting than Katie and Micah. I mean, they act like real people!
In PA 1, they seem more like actors, while here, it’s not the case. Hell, their banter isn’t even that boring! …yet, anyway.
There isn’t any of that, joke-y, fake-y bullshit Micah gave us. In pa 1, it seemed like they were dicking around just to dick around. Here, they hang out like any normal family would, so it makes more sense.
So the family hangs out in their pool.
Off being a dick in another movie. Hopefully
We then cut to later, as we find out their house seems to have been trashed. Yeah, it just cuts to a trashed house. Only through dialogue do we find out it got trashed. Yeah, for found footage, this is cut very well. Almost like it’s fictional!
Of course, they aren’t too pleased. The only thing actually stolen is a necklace, Kristi got from Katie. So they react to this, actually realistically. Sure, it’s not my reaction, which would feature cursing, but I like it.
So they put a security system, to prevent this type of thing. Oh, and they also set up various security camera. Hey, a plausible reason for the camera!
With that, we cut to that night. Yep…the land of nothing. It switches between rooms and…I’m not bored. How can this be? I mean, nothing is really happening, except for Daniel walking a bit. Maybe it’s because it’s switching rooms, so we’ll be expecting something different in the next room, thus building actual suspense?
Or maybe I’m just jaded.
We cut to the next day…as nothing happened. Okay, I take that back. Nothing happened? Geez, in PA 1 the demon at least moved the door!
You know what? I have a backstory for the demon. There was a lazy guy named Rob, who never really did anything. He had no house, no friends, and he was too lazy to do anything. When he died, he went to hell, and Satan saw how evil he was, and made him a demon. However, he was so lazy, that he never scared anyone. As punishment, Satan banished him to haunt this family, until he actually does something.
And finally, he did get Katie to kill Micah and herself, finally becoming a real demon. …damn, I just wrote the best fanfic ever!
So anyway, it’s dicking time. Kristi talks to Mexican nanny, and Nanny says she senses spirits in the house, because all Mexicans can sense ghosts for some reason.
Though this happens quickly, and Kristi shrugs that off. Whatever. Oh and there’s a quick bit where the daughter complains about a foul stench coming from the toilet or something, but this is also brushed off in the next bit.
I think the demon just stopped to take a shit.
So we cut to…Kristi in the bathtub, sort of…nude, while Daniel is filming. Uh…did they start filming a porn? Or did the writers remember that all modern horror films need tits?
Actually, I don’t mind this, since no attention is called to it, and they are just talking. But why film this?!
And no, we don’t see tits. Boo~!
But whatever, back to the land of nothing! And…it just kind of shows the rooms, as well as Kristi with hunter. Wow, this really is the land of nothing.
In PA 1, jack happened with Katie, but during the night, minor things would happen, In 2, minor things happen in the day, while jack happens at night. Is this gonna be Reverse PA?
Anyway, the next morning, the family has breakfast, and just talk. At least, they talk about things that people talk about. Amusing anecdotes, and such, can’t exactly quote it, but it’s nice.
So we actually see the security cam stuff in the day here, which helps in telling the story better. So the rest of the family leaves, and Kristi is hanging with hunter.
Oh wait…it’s actually the land of nothing. Gee, that was quick. And again, nothing really happens. It just holds on the kid’s room…then cuts to night.
Really? 3 land of nothing segments in a row? And…again, not much happens. Seriously, is this demon lazy, or what?
So we cut to the family looking in a scrapbook…and a spot a pic of Katie. Yep, the same one we saw in PA 1. See, this takes place after the fire they mentioned in 1, so they are happy to see the pic survived.
So then…no. no. …they cut to that night. Really. That was like…a minute? This is night 4, and what has happened?
ASH: Jack and shit
And like the first 3 times, little happens. I think maybe something moves, but nothing big. I mean, it’s hard to praise this movie when nothing happens!
So we get a short bit with the nanny and….land of nothing. Whatever, I don’t care. Mexican nanny walks around and…hears a noise.
Hey, something happened!
She runs upstairs, and oh hunter is just crying. But the German shepherd (BEST DOG EVAR) is barking. Oh…I guess the demon is finally here?
She comforts hunter, and starts to burn some sage (look it up) cuz why not? Then, the parents show up, and see this and ask her to put it out.
So thus, Mexican nanny is fired. Later, Kristi is hanging with hunter, when he starts whining, and acting odd. Like he’s focused on something else…
She tells this to dan, but he’s like “Eh”… later, he hangs out in Ali’s room, and turns into Micah for a minute, acting like a douche and stuff.
Then…guess. Just guess. Yep, land of nothing! This time, hunter cries for an unknown reason and Kristi comforts him. Suddenly, they hear a rattling noise…and a door opens by itself.
Geez demon, it took you awhile. That door was so lonely!
Skipping a little bit, we cut to the next day, with more dicking. And, after a short bit with a dead bird (don’t ask) …land of nothing. Fine, whatever.
This time, Kristi is with hunter when she hears a noise. She heads down, and sees some pots hanging off a thing, and one of them is swinging on its own. Again, laziest demon EVER.
Then it falls down on its own. So the next day…Micah visits. Ugh, son of a bitch. And yep, he’s filming now, and he’s just as annoying as ever. At least he dies in the first one…
“I’m definitely getting one of those”
And the rest, as they say is history. Anyway, the group discusses the possibility of a ghost being afoot. Of course, most of them think micah is being an idiot (CUZ HE IS).
Land of nothing time! This time…a fire erupts! Oh hey, something! Dan is woken up by this out of course. The fire is in a pan on the stove, so he quickly takes it out.
Naturally, they wonder what the hell happened. The next day, they aren’t discussing the fire, but instead the falling pots. Yeah pots > fire. Anyway, they also mention how their pool cleaner thingy oddly goes out of the pool at night.
So in chronological order, the demon goes from doing nothing, to moving doors, to finally killing someone in PA 1’s finale. This guy takes his fucking time. Anyway, the family checks the camera, and sees the pool cleaner actually floating out.
Dan talks to Ali, who isn’t unhappy about being haunted. She views this as cool, since hey, the demon just moves doors. Seems harmless.
Ali thinks it might be a good guy, so she proposes a séance. And right after that, we visit the land of nothing. This time…the dog barks. Then it cuts to day.
I have done more in 5 minutes than this movie does in 40. So, Dan suggests that he and Kristi go out to get their mind off this demon stuff.
They do so, and leave Ali in charge. Later, brad, Ali’s boyfriend, shows up. They decide to do the séance. and break out the Ouija board. Suddenly, the board moves on it’s own. Or something. I don’t know, it’s not made clear. They sure don’t react much to it, but I hear brad swear he’s not moving it.
And the board spells out “PUSSY HUNT”. Yeah, I don’t get it.
Whatever, land of nothing time. Ali is sleeping, with the TV. Then…it starts going out. Then a loud noise happens, and it comes back on. Well, it was scarier than anything else so far.
She goes outside to check it out, when it slams behind her. Whoa, a scary moment! Those are rare. Then the next couple minutes are silent. Ali seems to stop banging on the door, the dog barks, and the kid cries as it slowly gets odder…
Hey, a moment full of suspense based what is going on the plot! Geez, it’s about time. That’s how you do a scene with nothing!
Anyway, later, dan and Kristi arrive home, to see Ali missing, and hunter crying. Ali is nowhere to be found. Oh, creepy-ness!
Oh wait, she walks up, from nowhere and explains herself. She mentions how she heard an odd noise, and the door closed by it. Daniel dismisses it because doors can close themselves, right? Man, the men in these movies are morons.
The next day, Ali does some research on demons. She discovers that humans can make deals with demons for wealth or power by forfeiting the life of their first-born son. And hunter happens to be the one reacting most to this demon…
She looks over the camera footage, and shows dan the door closing thing.
“The wind blew the door closed”
“Are you serious?”
Seriously, you saw a pool cleaner move by itself. Explain that, idiot! I mean, he should at least consider it.
Whatever, I don’t care. What time is it? It’s NOTHING TIME
It’s nothing time
Come on grab a ghost
We’ll watch until our eyes are toast
With boring people
And a lazy demon
The fun never begins
It’s nothing time!
Yep, land of nothing….for a minute. We see nothing, and then cut to Ali with the camera in the morning. How…pointless. Anyway, she tells she thinks she hears something so she goes to check it out
She sees one of hunter’s toys moving by itself. It’s a step from a door at least. Later, she tells Kristi about this, and she doesn’t have a huge reaction, but she does mention how Mexican nanny was talking about evil spirits.
Katie comes over, and they talk about how they were scared all the time as kids. Katie tells Kristi to calm down about it, and that’s the end of that I guess.
Later, Kristi is hanging when…suddenly, the cupboards and shit in the kitchen opens by themselves, and noise is made. Hey, the demon did something. It wasn’t scary, but it’s better than the door!
After freaking out a bit, Ali comes home and Kristi says everything is fine. She also says that Katie said that talking about this demon will only make it worse. Hmm, this seems interesting…
Ali is talking to Brad on the phone, and mentions how not only did Kristi’s grandma get randomly rich, but hunter is the very 1st known male born on Kristi’s side since the 30’s. Which implies that yes, Kristi’s family made a deal with the demon
Hey, an interesting plots point that may be creepy! …Whatever, its land of nothing time. This time…the dog has a seizure.
..That is not anything. That is something. A very creepy something. Yes! So of course, the family hears this, and Dan and Ali take the dog to the vet. (Guess its open at 1 am). Leaving Kristi alone…
She heads into hunter’s room and…the demon drags her out. Geez took you awhile. Though he did wait long in PA 1, so I guess I can’t fault him here. Plus, it finally gets kind of tense as she is dragged into the closet.
A bit later, Kristi comes out of the closet…not even touching that one, with the demon now possessing here. Hell yeah, this is gonna be awesome!
Later, Ali and Dan are home, but Dan must head out to pick up Abby. Before I can question where Kristi is, and why no one notices, Ali calls brad and asks him to come over.
She hears a noise coming from the basement. She examines the basement door and finds it covered in scratches. She also sees a word, Meus scratched into it. Hey, the plot is finally creepy and interesting! Only took them an hour.
She goes into hunter’s room and finds Kristi…with a mark on her leg. In PA 1, when things happened, they were minor things. But in here, shit goes down and it’s way more interesting. More on that later.
She calls Dan and tells him to come on, cuz shit is getting real. A bit later, Dan comes home; she shows him the tapes, featuring Katie getting attacked.
Once again no“HOLYSHITIT’SADEMON”. Instead, he calls the Mexican nanny to help. Somehow I think the demon guy mentioned in the first movie will help more…
It isn’t long before Mexican nanny shows up and of course, knows how to get the demon out of Kristi. She promises that the demon will be gone, and Kristi won’t remember it. But…
Dan tells Ali he is going to pass the demon onto Katie so that Kristi and Hunter will be saved. The fuck? You’re just gonna pass it on to her damn sister? What a jerk! I mean, Katie’s your in law-
I just answered my own question.
Ali for some reason doesn’t want her aunt to be possessed by a demon (seriously, she and Kate hang out, so the demon will still be an issue!). And objects. But dan isn’t having any.
So Dan tries out the demon be-gone (aka a cross) on Kristi and she attacks him. Thank you demon! Also, all the lights go off. As dumb as Dan is being, I will say this is very interesting, and I honestly want to know what happens to these people. Mostly cuz they are kind of interesting, even dan. Okay, he’s an idiot, but he’s better than Micah.
Shit goes down, hunter and Kristi vanish, and pots are banging and all that good stuff. This is how you do loud noise scares!
Dan runs to the basement, and everything seems quiet…when Kristi attacks in a way that is oh my god scary, and not just loud noises. I mean…damn, this got good!
Dan comes at her with the cross, and gets his first moment of awesome. Kristi collapses and seems to have no demon, though there a bunch of shaking. So he puts her to bed. He also burns a pic of young Katie because…derpity doo.
Then we cut to three weeks later, as the demon-y episode is over, and things are normal. Kristi is hanging with Katie and everything.
Katie mentions how odd stuff is going on at her house, and thus we are now in PA 1’s events. So it’s a prequel…and a midquel? Whatever. Kristi shrugs it off and Katie leaves.
Katie goes home and…sees Micah with the camera. Yep, we are officially at the start of PA one. We get the first few minutes of PA 1 again. Okay, I like how it feeds into the 1st one very well.
Then we get text saying Micah was killed. Mind you, this text happens after Micah said something annoying. It’s like they are saying “its okay, he’s dead now”
Now we are exactly where PA 1 ended. You know, how Katie was all possessed and shit. So it’s…pre-mid-se-quel. K.
Also, land of nothing. We are also at dan’s house, so yeah. Things seem normal, as Kristi is with hunter, and dan is watching TV.
Then Katie comes and kills dan. I like this since, it actually cuts to dan having been killed, so it’s a good shock moment, she then runs up to Kristi, and kills her as well.
She takes hunter, and walks off. Text pops up and we are told that Ali found the bodies of Dan and Kristi. Katie and hunter are nowhere to be found.
Roll credits. Yep, that’s the end. Okay, let’s just head into my final thoughts.
This was a mixed bag. When it’s good, it’s better than PA 1. The characters are interesting, the banter is fun, and the story has interesting aspects to it. When things go down, you feel like shit is happening, and there is an actual story with a climax.
But when it is bad, it’s worse. It gets so boring in the middle, with the demon waiting quite a while to do stuff, while in PA 1, things happen from the start.
But I can’t really hate it, as it does get good. With an okay story, interesting characters, and some good scares at the end. In the first one, when shit happens, it’s not much and it ends right when it gets good. In this one though, it gets good when there is still plenty of time left. So you aren’t disappointed when it ends.
When the payoff came, I wasn’t as annoyed as in 1 since it wasn’t too last minute.
Rotten Tomatoes says that it “doesn’t cover any new ground, but its premise is still scary—and in some respects, it’s a better film than the original”
And you know what? I agree, somewhat. It does get some good ideas, but some aspects bog it down. The first act is okay, and the last act is good. The 2nd one though, is boring and dull. But the more I think about it, and after skimming the film again, I’ll say it gets better. The payoff is gone enough that I can almost forgive it.
But man, does it get boring. ISo, overall, it is better than PA 1, but not by too much. It’s not too bad, but not too god. It’s almost great, but misses the mark.
So yeah, that was okay. So that’s; it for PA for now,. I may do 3 eventually, but not this month. Tune in next time for something else..