Fred 3: Camp Fred

Hello, Spongey here.

Let’s talk about the first two Fred movies, in my style:

There’s a  dubmass named Fred. He has a bully who is also a dumbass, he loves a chick named judy, who moves. So he goes to her house, gets kicked out, starts a party with his friend, becomes famous, gets judy to kiss him. End, oh and there’s filler.

It was awful, unfunny, and among the worst films ever.

Fred 2: Fred thinks his teacher is a vampire. He isn’t. The end. It sucked too, but a bit less so.

With a film series like this, you can only go up.

And now the epic trilogy ends. Fuck lord of the rings, this is epic shit right here

This, is Fred 3: Camp Fred

 

We open at Fred’s house. And…HE SINGS

NOONONONONONONONONNO

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

..

No.

It’s…not a good song so far. Not all. And…we got background dancers and-

Mom comes in and it ends.

BIG LIPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!

Mom comes in and notes how he was singing. So it was…I’m confused already! She leaves AND FUCK MORE SINGING. He sings about the last day of school and how good it is.

And now we’re in school, and they’re all signing. God, this is like that song in High school musical 2…only without the guilty pleasure aspect

Of course it was all a imagine spot. Then we get our opening title.We cut to later, where Fred is with his friend. She is still played by Daniellea from the last one.

Fred is happy to have 104 days of summer vacation. He is going off to “Camp Superior” and we see mom …kind of happy, with Fred oblivious

However, his Mom tells him that camp was too expensive. So he’s going to Camp IWannaPeePee. Sure, why not?

And as he faints…imagine spot in the hospital with fred dying

Hey, this is good already!

The camp bus comes up, and it’s as bad as it sounds. Of course Fred tries to get out of it, but Mom forcefully gets him on the bus. I hope he gets eaten by king jellyjam.

Or killed by jason, whatever goes first.

Fred cries annoyingly for about a minute. Wow, it took 5 minutes for this to suck. He shows up at camp and the director of the camp, Floyd shows up.

We gets the camp greeting;’ “IWannapeepee on you.”. as do i.

Fred asks Flloyd stupid questions. The camp has a 3 legged horse. K.

Oh, commercial!

I can watch those-

“5 days of Fred the show”

SKIPPING.

 

He goes to get camp food, and we find out Floyd is the cook too,.  Fred then runs into a nerdy dude. His name is willaim, but people call him magoo. He says this as he adjusts his glasses

Worst shout out ever?

Fred sits at Magoos table and meets his friends. We have the fat kid Chatter, who never talk. Ferb, he is not

The girl, Spoon. She eats a lot. …I expected the fat kid to eat, but k. Then there’s the black guy, named Dig.

Then from across the room, Magoo sees…Oksana. Yep, the hot  girl for this movie. Or as I like to call her Miss Fanservice.  Oh, and she’s the camp nurse. That explains her “too hot for this movie”-ness

Once she leaves, Magoo dumps more exposition on us. Spoon and dig have been at camp IWPP for 4 years. Magoo says it grows on you,.

Then…fart joke! Only took you like, 10 minutes?

Oh, and Floyd is played by Tom Arnold. First John cena, now this guy. How the mighty have fallen,.

Fred walks out and sees Floyd with a big pus thingy on his face. More gross out jokes. Anyway, Floyd tells us camp pee pee competes with Camp Superior  every year. In the summer camp games.

How long has this been going on? 69 years.

…69

Oh and there is a prophecy that a young boy would come and lead the camp to victory. Seriously. That guy…is Hugh, the jock

Fred walks off near the woods…and bumps into a weird old dude. Fred runs and spots this camp counselor dude named Murray. He tells him of that creepy guy

Turns out he is “scary gary, the maintenance  guy”. Murray says he’s harmless

“If that’s true, he should have a less scary name”

..

Fred is right.

I just said that.

Wut.

And out of nowhere, Murray says he’s dating the hot nurse.

“I mean I haven’t actually talked to her yet”

FRED: …and people say I’m delusional

STOP MAKING FRED RIGHT ABOUT STUFF.

We find out Fred is in Cabin  13. Of course. It’s also a dump. And yes,  the camp bathroom is an outhouse. After the shit joke, we cut to that night.

Fred plans to tunnel out of here. He tries, and of course, fails horribly. And then guys with guns show up, and kill hm.

I wish. Instead,. Murray is one of the guys and says Fred can’t escape

“You know what  we do to kids who try to escape?”

Then…Fred wakes. Up home. In bed. And Fred talks…in an normal voice

“Mom, I had I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamt I was at the worst camp ever, and I had this high sped up chipmunk voice that got really annoying after awhile”

..

I didn’t make that up. He just said that. Is…the movie finally self aware? Is it aware it sucks and will finally get good?

Then mom shows up, dressed as Freddy Kruger and Fred wakes up. It was a nightmare.

Fuck you movie

He’s at camp, and that escaping scene was pointless. Fred walks out and..IT’S JOHN CENA TIME! Oh yes, he’s back!

Fred wishes he had one of his dad’s speeches. So, from a weird fridge that is there, he comes out.

He…really doesn’t do much,. He just goes “you gotta slam your problem” and it’s all weird. John Cena notices how gross the camp is and  tells him he’s fucked.

He walks off. Wow, even John Cena couldn’t stay for 5 fucking minutes After a commercial, the kids are all walking when they see Fred crying.

“Were you just crying?’

BUFORD: I was sweating through my eyes!

The kids then tell him that Fred was just standing in posing ivy. Fred wiped his tears with it.

Oh joy.

Fred goes to hottie mcNurse, who is no help at all. You know…this movie is now worse than the 2nd. I mean, it’s back to being plotless, and stupid! Its so…lazy…and boring!

Anyway, time for the campfire scene! Fred does not like the scary stories, so Scary Gary pops up to tell his own.

We cut to his story, in 1988, where the story’s character is played by Fred. Goody gum drops. “Fred” is lost finding the camp.

Gary says he was being stalked by …the crocabearmoose.

CROCABEARMOOSE

Really.

STORY FRED: that is the stupidest name ever!

STOP BEING RIGHT!

And we see the thing behind him…and it’s as dumb as it sounds. It bites the story Fred’s head off. Yay

Gary says the crocabearmoose is still out there.. And…he pops up behind real fred! Oh it’s Murray in a costume, this makes Fred hurt him more.

The next day, Fred is writing a letter home and tells us more stuff. He hears kid’s talk of a place called the rat hole.  More and more kid’s get sick from some odd thing. Also, Floyd and Murray are putting blue pills in the gruel. Yeah, i know what joke i should make…but i won’t

Fred tries to send the letter via slingshotted Mouse.

Ugh.

Fred puts on his thinking mustache…we’re back to Fred 1 levels of suck guys Fred remembers how one kid at the nurse said his brain feels like it’s turning into swiss cheese. Rats eat cheese. Rats live In a hole.

Rat hole.

Seriously.

Fred goes through his theory. The pills make you sick until your brain is cheese. The kid’s are moles for the camp, and take the bodies away, to the rat hole.  Where the bodies…are eaten by Floyd, who is a rat.

..

Really.

And during a cutaway…we see that the mouse made it to fred’s house, but is eating pizza with mom .I hate this.

Anyway, after an ad, we return,  Fred hasn’t eaten any of the food, and tries to snab some berries from a bush.  And  after eating them…he gets high. He gets hallucinations. Wow.

He sees the crocabearmoose. The croc…thing, says he raps when he’s not feeling good

Then they rap….

WHAT THE FUCK?!!

THERE’S A RAP SONG

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE

WITH FRED AND A CROCKABEARMOOSE

The rap ends with fred throwing up the berries. He is taken to the nurse. The kid’s are visiting, and say they will take fred to the rat hole that night.

We cut to that night, as the kid’s start their plan, They take Fred successfully. They take him to some big hole and go down

Then…we find it’s a hopping hangout, not a thing with Floyd the evil rat. Of course. It’s filled with cool shit that Fred likes.

Including cheese fries. I’m hungry for some right now.

“Heaven”

More like hell

Gary Scary gives them all this cool shit. They also  tell Fred the blue pills are vitamins since gruel has no value on it’s own.

And the kid’s getting sick? Faking to see hottie nurse. Ugh

Well everything is explained and the movie ends.

Sigh,

Gary shows up with more stuff…including a big ass firework thing. . Before they can blow shit up, we cut to the next day where they set it up.

It goes off and man does it work. It blows up the outhouse.  That was pointless. not to mention, the kids are never punished, and no one mentions it again.

Anyway, the kid’s now want to sign up for the summer games!  The kid’s talk about how iwannapeepee is better than camp Superior, and Fred asks Magoo to list 4 things pee pee has that CS does not.

“Spoon, dig, chatter, and me”

1. and I.

2. …ARE WE DOING THIS?!!

Are we really trying to get all heartwarming? The music swells…oh god. Fuck you movie. Fred…doesn’t get the message. Why is he so…smart today?

Anyway, the Camp  Superior,  guys show up and guess who is in it taunting fred? Kevin. Of course.

He is here to scout the completion. Once Fred hears kevin brag, he thinks of joining the games. Kevin says he is better at everything…even dancing. Then..random dance off. For like a minute. BUT STILL

Anyway, Fred wants to join the games

“mostly, I’ll do it for me”

Fuck you kid

So the games begin!   The CS guys meet up with peepee guys. May the odds be in their-fuck it  this movie doesn’t deserve a hunger games joke.

Oh and we see Hugh who is ready to take them to victory. He asks fred to get him that javelin

“This is usually the part where I screw everything up”

Movie, stop that. It’s not helping

Of course he  hits hugh with it and knocks him out.  Fred tries a speech to make them think they don’t need hugh. It…doesn’t work.

“If sports movies have taught us anything, it’s the underdog that always wins”

All these self aware lines would be good in a better movie than THIS. Thus we get a word-less montage…of them failing. Bah

And CS kicks their ass to the curb. The day is lost, for now. The campers are now sad and know they can’t win. Fred is more optimistic

“Come on…we’re the best at being the worst!”

You sure are.

Fred goes on a bit at how the camp is the best at being the worst, and how it’s the best at being bad…which actually helps them. Wut

So Fred 1 wasn’t a bad movie. It was the best at being horrible!

This is meant to be funny and uplifting. It’s neither. The next day, is a burping contest. Oh yes this will be good The nerdy dude, magoo drinks some odd science-y drink to make him burp well.  And..he burps. For a solid minute. K.

Peepee wins the round. Then comes contests which happen to suit their needs! How dramatically convenient!

Even the ones they suck at, they win, including jousting.  Then comes the archery scene. Brave,. Hunger games, Avengers…now Fred 3.

Wow. So  then comes to he last contest, the songwriting contest.

NO. NOT ANOTHER ONE!

Of course Fred thinks he’s a great singer. Kevin tells Fred he sings well, but once Fred leaves Kevin tells his friend that he lied to fred. Kevin knows Fred  will screw up

Anyway,  we cut to …after CS has sung. Guess they had no budget for 4 bad songs, just 3. Oh, and the judge…is a lame gag where he says it’s SIMON but it’s just some random dude

I wish the real simon was here. he’d really piss on this shit

So now…it’s Fred’s turn for a song.…of course, Kevin has made an evil plan. And  I mean Doofenshmirtz levels.

And song…The loser song. It’s the big number. It sucks.  Seriously, it;’s…so stupid. And long with plenty time to make you sick.

It goes off without a hitch, and I didn’t notice kevin since I was muting the song. And fake simon gives him a ten.

Hey real simon, how is it?

“Dreadful”

Thought so

Pepepee wins, and the plan starts as kevin is ranting. This gets him pantsed. I guess We cut to Floyd’s office, as he is giving his goodbye speech. He’s happy they finally won and it’s all happy.

And he gives the camp greeting in happiness.

“I’m only human”

Not if you’re in this movie. Fred says bye to his friends. He reunites with his mom, who has hooked up with the pizza guys

She asks if he had fun.  Fred lists off all the shit things that happened. And as he looks at his friends..

“Best summer ever”

Fuck you fred

They drive off, and…it ends.

Abrupt BUT WHO CARES IT IS OVER!

 

Final Thoughts:

 

This is mixed.  Oh, it’s still bad. The plot is a mess, it’s annoying, it’s unfunny and just plain awful. But it changes between better then fred 2, and worse. The parts where it seems self aware put it above 2, but parts like the rap make it more like 1

In a way, it;’s the perfect mix of 1 and 2. it has some of the plot of 2, but all the useless crap of 1. It’s filled with pointless, fantasies, dreams and “comedy” bits. Sometimes it gets even more annoying than 1, but it holds back on being as bad due to some minor points.

So it’s not as bad as 1, but it’s worse than 2. This is the worst film trilogy of all time.

The characters are one note and boring, they never really change through each movie,  the story is jumbled and non existent, it doesn’t get any better in each film, it’s not funny. It’s offensive, it’s painful oh god I hate it

This trilogy is everything wrong with film. Period. Each movie is as stupid as the last. This series is awful.

Stay away from this movie and all the others. They suck

Grade: D

 

See ya

Advertisements

About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
This entry was posted in Play by Play Reviews, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Fred 3: Camp Fred

  1. colin says:

    best movie eva! 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s