Halloween in July: Invasion of the Road Weenies

Hello, Spongey here

Welcome to Halloween in July!

 Christmas in july is too mainstream. So all this month we look at Halloween stuff, and horror in general.

This is a review of a book not by RL Stine. I know, it’s shocking.

If you looked at the title and got confused, let me explain. A man named David Lubar wrote some short story collections, each “focusing” on a kind of weenie. For example, a road weenie jogs for no real reason and shows no emotion, and doesn’t get that jogging is fun. …it makes sense in context. Only one of the stories has to do with that, and the rest are random.

Some are funny, some are scary, but they all deal with supernatural stuff. They’re pretty good, and today we’ll look at one!

This is, The Invasion of the Road Weenies

 This has like…35 something stories so I’ll count them.

1.    The Last Halloween

By the way,. There’s a section at the end of the book that has David saying how he got the idea for them. We won’t mention those much.

Jennifer feels she is too old for Halloween, so she quits it for the year. But on Halloween night, she thinks maybe she could go one more time for fun. She looks for a costume. She finds an old trunk in the basement, and finds a black robe…veil thingy, and uses that. But she also finds some gloves hidden in the trunk, and puts them on too.

She goes out. But she gets lost, and some bullies show up and threaten her.  But, suddenly claws grow out of her hand, like a female wolverine.  She kicks their asses, and walks off.

A lady asks who she is dressed as

‘”Justice”

Together, we can be justice!

She goes home, and tell her mom she likes the costume. So…the gloves turned her into a superhero. That was a decent start. Next!

2.    Bed Tings

You read that right. You’ll see.

A kid who is never named, is hanging with his friend Pauli. Yes,. It’s   a DUDE. Our hero is having a bad day. He broke his camera and dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.

His friend says bad things come in threes, so only one bad thing left. The dude’s grandma says that. We are informed  that she has an accent so thick people can’t hear it a lot.

I’d call that racist if I could figure out what race their offending.

The kid thinks bad things would sound like “Bed ting” oh I get it now.  So they go play basketball and the ball goes flat. Our hero thinks now that means the bad things  are over. So he tests it by climbing a nearby tall tree. K.

Suddenly, that grandma walks by, and shouts “Bed tings happen in treez”. They think she means threes.

Hero falls of the tree and breaks his leg.

“she was right…bad things happen in trees”

Wah wah.

Meh, that was okay,. Dumb, but fun. Yes, the length  of these changes from long to like two pages.

3.    The Dead won’t hurt you

Eric’s friend hunter died a year ago. Due to this, eric tried to keep distance between him and the dead. Until tonight, as some assholes friend dared him to spend 10 minutes in a graveyard.

Suddenly, an odd man pops up behind him. “People don’t understand. The dead won’t hurt you”

Title drop!

He tells eric  the dead are harmless. It’s the living you have you watch out for. The people in alleys.

“The people in the graveyards”

…oh shit. The man chases eric.

“run, it makes it more fun!”

…No comment.

The man trips, and his head on a gravestone. FAIL. The grave is oddly raised, as if it did that itself. He looks at the stone, and it says hunter.

“He knew the dead would never hurt him”

Now THAT was great Dark, and sweet. Moving on.

4.    Copies

Another unnamed kid.  Come on, it’s not that hard to think of a name, David!  He and his brother nicky are being dragged by their dad to Bring your kid to work day. The dad lets them roam a bit, like any good parent. They find the copy room and make fun copies.

Nicky tries copying his face, and it comes out odd. The main decides to…copy his butt. Suddenly, the main looks at nicky.  His face is gone.

Kid looks down. No butt.

“I realized something awful…I have to go to the bathroom”

…Ew.

So a dark sweet story is followed by one where a kid copies his butt off. Nice. This one was funny.

5.    Shaping the Fog

Ken and his friends are hanging out. It’s foggy out, and the kids can..shape it, as the title suggests. They can make anything out if it, like a bird or a bat. When ken asks what his friend rowen is making, he freezes.

He says he wanted someone like him, hinting he was making a man. Ken smacks him. “We never make our own form”.. and an old man pops up.

“They do not last. And if they do, they do not obey.”

Ken says it’ll never happen again. The old man confirm that.

“The boy swirled back into the form in which he’d been formed{“

..WHAT A TWEEST!

To boost the twist, the man breaths on ken and he vanishes too.

Okay, that was creepy and good. Nice. Next!

6.    Willard’s oppositional  notebook

Catchy title

 

Willard finds a notebook at a garage sale. He writes downs his schedluce in it, and finds himself not doing that stuff. For example, he writes “finish book report” and never does. After weeks of stuff like that, he catches on. He writes “fail my math test” and passes. Anything he writes, makes the opposite happen.

So during the next month, good stuff happens .

“ife was fabulous”

He decides to write one big thing for him not to do: Die. Woot. He celebrates  not dying with some food. During the next month, he eats a lot for some odd reason. Later on, he finds his sister tammy messing with the notebook. She says she tried to wrote her name, but got interrupted. So die…became diet.

The story ends with him going to eat cake. Wah wah.

That was fun, though it could do without the fat joke.

7.    A tiny Little Piece

Julie is at the museum. She was excited. Why? it got a new exhibit…with a mummy. Yep, a mummy story!

She thinks the mummy is really cool, though her friend does not. No, it is not covered up or anything. It’s new but that is no excuse for the staff to be idiots.

Tim dares her to touch and she does, though a tiny piece of bandage comes off. Julie decides to keep it, since it is just a tiny little piece.  Then this dude shows up and gives a speech.

“We’ve lost so much of the past. A little here, a little there”

Julie starts to feel bad about taking the tiny piece. But then she decides that it’s no big deal in the long run. She heads home and puts the piece away.

That night, a mummy shows up in her room. It’s just as random as I make it. It takes a hair. It walks away.

“eh, one little piece can’t hurt”

Another mummy comes the next night, and does the same thing. And the next. And the next…

“Julie felt she was losing it-her hair, her mind-one little piece at a time””

So the moral is don’t assume rules don’t apply to you and think stealing a tiny thing doesn’t matter. That’s cool

8.    The La Brea Toy Pits

Lyle and Scotty are being dragged to “the pits”. Mom says it looks smaller than expected, but Dad says they just got ahead of the rush. They get to the tar pits, and notice…well toys in the tar.

They marvel at the little stuff. the parents spot some stuff they like. “a dining room set!”. They get deep in the plies of useless junk, but are too distracted.

Lyle runs after them, but falls in the  tar.

“As the tar reached his ears, he heard his last words…”

“A pasta maker!”

Meh, that was okay. Implied death, but still kinda meh.

9.    Mr Lambini’s Haunted House

Cindy isn’t afraid of anything. But one day she goes through the titular house. It’s one of thos crummy haunted houses you see people doing, only this one isn’t so crummy..

She goes in and nothing really scares her. But her friend beth is scared shitless by the random people in make up jumping out. Cindy keeps going.

She finish the house, and mr lambini’s says no one else has finished without getting scared. I guess this town is full of wimps.

After getting her candy, she walks back to leave, and tell him that it wasn’t too scary.

“oh, that was only the entrance”

She looks to see everything is now dried and rotting. Everything is messed up.

“Cindy was terrified”

That was decent, I guess. Creative, I’ll say.

10. Numbskulls

Micheal is at the dentist, being told his teeth suck. Je needs a cavity filled. The dentist asks if he would like a shot to  make the drill not hurt. You mean numbing? That thing that is normally required?

He takes it. His mouth is number..

“Not too bad right?

“What else do you do for fun? Stomp on baby animals?”

Heh. He didn’t’ mean to say that. He runs out before anything else can happen. A man (HOW UNREALISTIC) asks for directions. “What do I look like, a tour guide?”

He’s saying everything that comes to mind, and he has no idea why. He runs into some bullies. Oh shit. He opens his mouth and gets his ass kicked.

He wakes up to see the dentist. Somebody found him and brought him to the dentist…for some reason. Sadly, his teeth are fucked up again. He tells him he needs more shots.

“I didn’t know what to say”

Well, that was fun. The idea was clever, exploring what would happen if the gland that holds you back was numbed. Next.

11.A Little Night Fishing

 

Another unnamed kid (NAME YOUR CHARACTERS DAVID) has a friend named Wally…who loves fishing. I see David got lesson in what kids do from Stine.

Willy invites kid to go night fishing. The parents let him go fishing at night with no parent supervision. What.

They head out that night. Sadly, nothing bites. But wally finds a  fish he wants to catch. Wally has his feet in the water, but he doesn’t care.  Kid reaches for a knife to cut the line to free wally…he’s gone.

After a search, he goes to the nearest police station. Whoa, this guy’s smarter than any Stine character. Sadly, wally never shows up.

A month later, kid decides to go out at night one last time. He looks down at the water and sees…Wally. “Join me”

He just sits there, thinking, until Wally vanishes. He walks off.

“I fish a lot now. Sometimes, I still hear him calling”

…That was  cool despite making no sense. What pulled him under?!  Whatever, it was cool and creepy enough.

12. Precious Memories

Ricky’s Dad loves recording every trip the family goes on. Ricky accidently records over their tape on their trip to Yellowstone. Ricky thinks he Is so fucked.

He actually tells his dad about this, and…he doesn’t remember a trip to Yellowstone. Ricky is confused by this…but hetries a test. He tapes over another trip, and once again, Dad doesn’t remember it.

Now he has this great power in his hands. So next, he tries a tape of his 3rd grade play, which went…badly. He sets it to be recorded over.

His dad shows up, asking about a tape labeled School play..

“It’s not just the play. It’s all about you. It all starts with the video I made when you were born. I recorded it as you were born.”

What.

Ricky runs to the VCR and..

“That’s odd, who left the VCR on?”

“He wondered if he should buy a video camera. But without any kids, there wasn’t much of a point”

That was a downer….i love it! Great idea, interesting story, and a nice downer ending. Next!

13. Baby Talk

An unnamed (UGH) girl is taking care of her baby brother, Chuck. . One day, the baby talks. This this story is only 3 pages long, just saying.

“You can talk!”

“That appears to be the case”

I like this guy.

She thinks of how famous he’d get…and how annoying it’d be to take care of that stuff, and tells him not to talk to anyone. Wow, a smart character who knows celebrity is overrated.

Chuck simply tells her to do what he tells her to do. She now does all he says. And she doesn’t mind it too much. She sits down for a nap.…but her cat and dog start talking. They say they can work a day

Her eyes go to her the  goldfish.

“You too?”

End.

…that was okay, but short. Also, this is the 2nd time a dark story goes before a dumb one…

14.  Unseen

This kid is both unseen AND unnamed, as he opens the story by talking to us. He once tried walking with his eyes closed, and to this day, he oddly enjoys doing it. After years of practicing, he can walk across streets with using only his ear to know where he’s going.

It’s so much fun not knowing where you’re going…

Then one day, he walks pretty darn far. When he opens his eyes, he notices that nearby sign looks slightly different..

He shrugs it off, but notices other slight things. The color of a stop sign is darker and such. He wants to fully test it, by going even further.

He does and finally heads home. He now has a brother instead of a sister. Wow, this is like an instant sex change.

He heads out and uses his closed eyes to go even further. When he returns. The brother has 7 toes. What.  Oh, and now he’s rich.

A few days later, he decides to try even further. When he returns. The house is old and run down. He has 3 young sisters.

“I tried to shut my eyes..they wouldn’t close.”

…what.

He looks in  the mirror.

“the monster I became had no eyelids.”

End.

…Yikes, this was one pretty cool. Thumbs up. Next!

15. Flyers

Callie sees an flyer saying “10 percent off everything”. The next day, everything feels…different. Less…good. Another world changing story? Cool.

She thinks the flyer did this. She later sees one saying “Two for one special!”. The next day, everything is twice as good.

She sees another, Saying “open early, close late”. Sure enough, the sun comes up early and goes down late. This flyer just messed with the laws of astrophysics, good job.

She follows the trail of fliers, and finds herself at a odd building, with a big press print these fliers. She sees one saying “satisfaction guarded” and tries to print that one.

But she messes up. What does this flier say?

“Fire sale. Everything must go”

What.

“The sun grew brighter…everything went”

…The world ends. How…dark. …This one was great.

But I’m guessing a stupid one is next..

16.  Every Autumn

Ted loves Autumn, the leaves and shit. However, every fall in the state, a kid vanishes. The adults play dumb and act like there’s no pattern.

He’s walking one day, and feels like something odd is going on. Suddenly, his foot hits something. He feels he is being grabbed.

it grabbed me”

…I’d make some kind of reference to Stephen king’s it…but I have none.

“He understood why it only happened in the fall”

A car ted was scared of shows up, wanting to ask Ted for direction, but he can’t find him,.  End

Wait…what was it? Why does this happen in the fall? EXPLAIN!

Well it wasn’t stupid, I’ll give it that much

17. Goose Eggs

Charlie hates Geese. No idea why, he just does. And  a goose wanders into their yard, and his brother names it Honker.

They show it to their parents and…let me sum it up

“An animal not normally seen In this place shows up for no reason? Keep it!’

A few days later, it lays a golden egg.

“Kids accept everything that comes along. They didn’t that Tv wasn’t real. Dogs don’t talk, fish don’t grant wishes…”

Fish…grant wishes…this was written in 2005…fairly odd parents reference?

They hide the egg, cuz they are genre savvy about how adults react to gold.

YOSEMITE SAM: GOLD GOLD!

But the goose lays another..and another! Eventually, one starts to crack. A bird with teeth hatches. He eventually shows them out I guess. (it’s hard to tell EXACTLY what is going for some odd reason)

Oh, and the brother talked about being a prince cuz of how rich they could be. Cliff, the brother, wanted to prove if Charlie was a prince. He reminds him of the story with the pea under the princesses mattress  (Oddly enough the weenie book after this has a parody of that!) and since it kept her awake, she was a princess…I don’t get it.

“I had no peas…so I used eggs”

Oh shit. The eggs under his mattress hatch, and the birds jump out. End.

Meh, that was okay. Had some cool parts, but overall dumb.

18.  Fresh from the Garden

Judy wants to start  a garden, like all kids. She makes it, and it grows out pretty nicely. Thus, she invites her friends over to check it out.

Her friends talk a bit, and they end up discussing an odd kid who buried his pets. He used to live in julies house.

“Yeah, he buried them under some bird feeder”

…Julie has one.

I see where this is going..

She looks down at the garden produces she’s eating. Yucky dead plant stuff in it. She keeps eating for her friends. Wait…why don’t they have dead plants in their food?!

The story ends with the friends asking to come back tomorrow.

This one is okay, interesting idea, but not explored enough.

19. The Covered Bridge

Carol thinks about the old wooden covered bridge in town. It’s creepy. Her friend Jackie scoffs, and tells her about something scarier: Margiots. They’re like fat earthworms, but they have teeth and eat people. They only come every 50 years.

Guess what happens at the end,.

Jackie dares carol to walk across that old bridge. Shes’ too afraid to decline, so they go. Jack vanishes and due to this carol runs across to the other aside quickly to find her..and she pops up. As it was a prank to get carol to stop being a baby about the bridge. What a bitch,

Suddenly, something pops out of the dirt.

“nice try carol”

“those were the last words she ever spoke”

Like I said, the marriots actually show up and…kill Jackie. Yikes! …serves her right.

Why did carol survive?

“They too…were afraid of the bridge”

BRIDGE: the object so scary that killer worms hate it!

Carol walks home. End.

Kind of silly, but the ending makes it creepy and dark. I dig it.

20.  Buzz off

Well that’s not nice book, we’ve got like a bunch of stories to go!

(A fly flew past me while writing this part. Connection?)

Guess what our main characters name is. Just fucking guess.

He’s with his friends Adam, Micheal And blinky.

…blinky. What.

A bee lands on Adam’s nose, and he doesn’t flinch.

Image

Adam says it’s all about not going insane and scaring them. Another bee comes and lands on Adam’s …middle finger.

No comment.

A couple bees land on him. He doesn’t move since they may sting him. They discuss ways to fix this, but come up short.

Suddenly, something lands on our hero’s back. “bees?” beads. Nope, it’s not that either.

It was…bats. Suddenly, the batman pic up there makes more sense

They start to cover him, while the bees run the friends leave, saying that the bats will keep him arm. End.

What awful friends. That was alright I guess.

21. Just Deserts

 

The story opens with a kid named Dylan getting into his uncle’s car. Hopefully no blindfolds are involved.  He’s with his uncle on  a fishing trip.

Oh yay more fishing.

A few hours later, they’re out in the water, ready to fish. After hours of nothing, he thinks the fish may finally start biting.

He opens the lunch his mom left, and sees pie. He leaves it for later while he eats other stuff. after waking up from a nap,. He notices everyone Is gone

Suddenly, a creature grabs him and drags him under. He looks at the pie as he thinks his last words

“ I should have eaten it last”

See, this is how you do a fishing story. Funny. Thumbs up. Next!

22.The Whole 9 yards

 

Our …sigh, unnamed girl knows a lot about cement. Another kid pastime! ‘”most people call concrete cement, that’s just plain wrong”

Well excuse me, princess!

She and her friend scott are walking when they see some wet cement-

“most people call-“

SHUT UP!

Actually, it’s already dry

‘it doesn’t dry, it cures!”

SAME THING BITCH

Scott wants to write his initials on cem- CONCRETE. SB.

…strongbad or Spongebob?

They noticed more CURED concrete  she says a load of…cement  (IT’S EASIER TO TYPE)-is 9 yards. “that’s where it comes from-the whole 9 yard”

Title drop yay

He finally sees some dry-

“cured”

Fuck you-

Cement-

“con-“

SHUT UP!

And thus writes his initials.  He uses his figner, and it gets caught. DUMBASS ALERT. .  so he gets sucked in forever. What.

His sinking leaves too perfect footprints.

“So that’s how it happened. I thought I knew everything about concrete.”

End. That one was meh, annoying main, but an okay idea.

23. The Green Man

 

Our un-

Oh you know by now-

Kid, hears about the titular man. His friends Ethan and danny are talking about him. They talk about various WMG’s for who he is. An alien, a former cop and stuff.

The Green man is a legend around these parts. An odd man of no origin  is always spotted in various spots and various stories get spread around.

Everyone is scared of him. Yes, a green man is scary. Oh look, it’s the blue man! He’s never had sex.

Our hero can’t help but believe in the legend a bit. He is now hell bent on finding the green man. He marks every “Sighting” and notices all of them circle the town pool. So that is where hes’ going.

He heads there alone, and thinks he hears someone.  He steps into a shed that is there. A man steps out, but he is not green. Kid tells him about the man, and he says he knows of him.

“just a story”

The kid walks away…but remembers he left the shed ope. He goes to close, and sees a green face inside..

He asks the man is he is…him

“it doesn’t matter who I am. You make your own fears”. He walks off.

“I didn’t understand what had happened”. Me neither.

“I think he was there to give us a fear we could deal with” makes sense.

“ I was no longer afraid of him. In a way, that made me sad. I’d lost something. I wondered what show up to tke his place”

End.

Joking aside, that was pretty good. Deep and shit. That means next will will be dumb.

24. Dizzy Spells

Carl and Monty-I guess francis was at work-are hang out. Monty yells “Faster” while gripping a pipe.this is how it opens. What.

They were on a fast merry go round. Those exist? Monty and Carl are dizzier. Carl says this

‘if I get dizzier, I think I’ll puke”

“I wish you hadn’t said that”

“said what?”

“ you said you’d puke”

‘I didn’t”

Yep, that wish came true. They forg duet about this until next week. They are playing baseball. Due to some stuff I’m too explain, he ends up pretty dizzy.

“ I wish I could hit it over the fence’

He does. They are wow’d

They now know dizzy=wishes. They figure out they need to be dizzier each time. So they try the nearby swings. Oh god I used to try to get dizzy on swings so much…oh sorry, no idea why I said that. Sadly, I never got wishes.

Monty gets dizzy and..

“ I wish I had a horse”

MONTY IS A BRONY

Monty says he couldn’t think of anything else. They remember a dizzy ride at a nearby amusement park. They go on it and get really dizzy. Monty though is REALLY dizzy while riding

“ugh, I wish the world would stop spinning”

“the world stopped spinning…everything on it kept moving.’

End.

So a kid has vanishes from history, the world has blown up, and the it has stopped spinning. I love this book. Cool story, moving on.

25. The Tank


 

“Jeremy didn’t make it a habit to stare into toilets”

….

Way to open the story.

Jeremy thinks he sees something In there but ignores it. This story is about a toilet. Well, we got the stupid story I wanted

He asks mom where the water goes when we flash. She says the skeptic tank. They don’t have sewers there (weird town) so it goes in a big tank.,Also, free out of context line

“He didn’t care about pumps or disposals”

He decides to try some drain cleaner. He finds some. He pours it in the sinks and toilets, and all that happens is  a bad smell fills the house. The parents complain about it.

They are sure to not forget the plumber, and call him. He goes outside to talk to the plumber, who is dealing with some hole near him. He’s pumping it. Yeah. Pump that hole.

Jeremy falls in  the hole, and is met with sewage. A huge arm from a creature grabs him. He is dragged down.

“the grip tightened. So sign of mercy from below.  No sign of Jeremy from above”

…that makes up for the toilet shit. Fairly decent, despite the odd idea.

26. Anything you Want

 

An unnamed girl. Seriously, names aren’t hard. I know, it’s a short story. But if you can name characters fine, then do it!

She walking with her really young brother Stevie, who, much like the old lady from Bed tings, can’t be understood well. At least he has a better reason..

Stevie spots a bottle, and opens. And a genie pops out, with a big crick in the neck. Wait..

Stevie gets the wishes.

“peas. Want peas”

‘The genie misheard it…as peace. World peace.

“No wars for 100 years”

Nice!

Stevie’s next wish: “liver. Never”. He hates liver his mom makes. What does the genie heard?

“You shall live forever”. Of course

The chick tries to get stevie to wish  for the right thing, but the genie glares. What is stevie’s last wish?

“Sisie wish”

…awww?

But the genie hears..

“I  will make your sister a wish”

He is NOT the greatest genie. She gets turned into a fish. End.

Pretty good. Creative and funny. Next.

27. Lines

 

Andrea, who I will call andy cuz Monster blood, isw\ with her class, walking to the auditorium  for some reason. .andy notices that they always walk in lines, and no one ever steps out of it.

She talks about this to her best friend, and says she will finally step out of the line to prove nothing bad will happen.

She does so, and no one notices or comments. The teacher counts the studens

“she couldn’t help but think of the count from sesame street”

…no comment.

She taps her friends shoulder…but it goes right through her!  She feels herself fading..

She quickly steps back in the line. She talks to the friend.

“you’re the new girl, right?”

“Andrea wondered what she had lsot when she stepped out of the line”

..

Well that one was good. Seriously, David loves fucking with kids and the world in general. Props to him.

28. Wandering Stu

 

Stu is like Stingy from Lazytown, as he says everything is his.  The story opens with him taking his friend’s baseball and going “mine!”

This mailbox is mien…

A stranger shows up. “a thousand days of no selfishness. Not one day where you act is if you are the only person in the world.  That’s gotta be a record!”
hey, don’t take my jokes!

Suddenly, people vanish. “you need to be taught a lesson”

The stranger vanishes. Stu walks to his friend’s house…and finds no one. He walks around town. No one.  He has fun by himself…not like that-for a while.

Stu gets bored.the stranger shows up, and stu gets it. The man made stu the only person in the world to show him a lesson. Moral!

“you must do one thing. You need to do an unselfish act”

“but you took everyone away!”

“ooops”

..

What.

“I’m kinda new at this”

“bring them back”

“it doesn’t work that way. Sorry. gotta get going”

He vanishes, and stu wanders, most likely to go make some chocolate pudding.

Funny, depressing, parody of “stranger gives moral” plot…yep, this one Is great.

29. Tarnation

 

Oh look, a Texan  wrote this story.

APOLGOZIE TO FELLOW TEXANS EVERYWHERE

 

Yet another unnamed kid is with his brother alex. He shares a room with him. Alex is scared of monsters. Hero says they don’t exist, while alex says his friend Billy claims you can call monsters.

Call China Anne Mclain!

“if they like you, they’ll give you a present”

So how do you call a monster?

Say “Monster Monster come to me” 100 times. Yes. Yeah, I’m not trying, but these guys are.

Long story short, they do it. They look out the window. Yep, there’s a horrible monster. They scream and hide. They fall asleep, and when they wake up, there is no monster.

They go outside and see giant footprints , proving it was here, but left. It got stopped by some tar that was…there for some reason.

The story ends with hero saying they’ll tell the monster to stay away 100 times

It was okay, good idea, just not done to it’s fullest extent. Also WHAT DID THE TITLE HAVE TO DO WITH ANY-

Tar.

Tarnation.

Oh.

30. Ten Pounds of Chocolate

 

 

On Halloween night, Amy and Wendy hear a certain house gives out  great chocolate. They head to that house, and get tons of candy, as promised. Andy by tons I mean the last two..which are huge. The old lady there says she likes doing this, mainly since people would just play pranks on her if she wasn’t so nice.

The kids walk home when a big beast pops up and attacks. They can’t tell what it is and run. They can’t run too much because the  two bars are weighing the bad down. They dump the chocolate and run off, wondering about the beast

The beast…takes the bars, and…drops them on the old lady’s porch?

‘Well done Jackson, we made many new friends tonight.” End.

…that was okay. But again, who was that? Why did she give them candy only to make  beast take it back? WHY?!

31. The boy Who wouldn’t talk

The only thing more amazing than a kid who doesn’t talk, is a kid with no name. yep, another one. A classmate of his never talks. His name is tommy Griffin.

No relation to peter, I hope.

Kid is talking with his friends arnie and  shawn. They are talking about why tommy never talks. One kid says maybe tommy lost his voice somehow

So kid becomes Sherlock holmes, following Tommy home to finally found out if he ever talks. Long story short, he goes inside tommy’s house, (window’s open, don’t worry)and sneaks about. He watches tommy, who does some stuff, and kid tries to leave…but is caught.

*transition*

“I never talk in school. I could if I wanted to.  But I have nothing in common with these flesh creatures. It’s not a problem. I talk with tommy every ngiht. We talk and plan. We decide who will join us next”

End.

So…tommy is some monster? Explain? Whatever, I actually liked this one, it is a neat idea and stuff. I  can forgive the lack of explanation.

32. Invasion of the road Weenies

 

Yay, the title story! Let’s see how the flagship story works..

Marlon is on the bus, when he notices something about a jogger below. “they never smile”. Marlon spots more joggers looking like they crapped they’re pants

‘He started to think of them as Road Weenies,.”

He sees even more road weenies. He knows most people in town, but these guys are strangers. He maps out the places he spots each jogger. 3 weeks later, he has tons of road weenies mapped. He notices they have covered pretty much every road in town..

‘one day, he follows one jogger to see where it goes. This leads him to big barn, he goes inside. Several road weenies are inside.

He locks the barn, out of impulse  he runs home. The next day, he spots no  joggers. He also notcies that everything seems a bit more blurry, as does his friend hector. He heads to the barn and sets the joggers free.

“maybe seeing was even more than believing. Most people never bothed to look at the world. But the joggers…all they did was stare ahead,”

…deep

“marlon started to jog. He mapped out the roads.how long would it take to freshen the memory?”

After he finishes jogging, he heads to the barn. A man steps out.

“Glad you see you could join us, you better get going. It’s time for today’s run.”

“Marlon started to jog. He didn’t run”

Okay, that was good. Better than I thought it would. I didn’t make jokes since…well I like to mess with you. Big thumbs up!

33. We Interrupt this program

 

Another unnamed kid is watching Tv. He messes with the remote  he notices a seam that uncovers a tiny compartment. There  lays  a button  called “insert”

He presses it and is inserted into the western film he is watching. He presses the button to leave. For the next week, he has fun in Tv. He goes inside cartoons and such. Good thing this isn’t an adult, or he may go inside more dirty stuff..

One day, his brother comes in and sees him exit the TV. One threat later, kid hands the remote to him. He flips through channels for something to enter

He decides on Star Trek. Of course. He goes inside the trek.

‘too bad he put himself in  a scene with nothing but space”

“it was pretty messy”

YIKES!

So what does kid do?

“I walked over to the TV and changed the channel by hand. I guess I’ll be doing it until I get a new remote”

…asshole!

Uh…I liked this one. Short  but funny. Cool death…but did he have to ignore it? Still, I liked it.

34. The smell of death

Yay, more death!

“Dad has sprayed the lawn.”

…oh.

Remember how gardening obsses the dad in “Revenge of the lawn gnomes was? He has nothing on this guy.

Hell, one of the other books is about lawn weenies!

He loves spraying his lawn with instectides and shit like that. “Can’t let the weeds take over”

By the way, unnamed kid!

Over time, those darn bugs aren’t killed.

“they most have gotten an immunity to it.”. you can look up how that works. The book explains but I’m too lazy to do so for ya.

“In a twisted way. He was helping the bugs get stronger”

Over the weeks, dad gets new sprays and goes bug killing. Kid thinks about that thing from earlier, and how bugs could get self-aware and do real damage.

One day, they are outside, and notice there are now TONS of bugs there. They spray a weird green spray thing.

The cloud of sprays drifts over the lawn. The bugs run off and the two are fine. “maybe we should leave them alone”

Gee, ya think?

“We’d end up killing the weak ones, while the stronger ones survie.”

End,.

That one was pretty cool. Neat idea, interesting concept…I like “bugs kick ass” stories.

And now, we’re at the final story! It’s been decent so far. Will we end on a high note?

35.  The Shortcut

 

Lucas is walking home from school in the rain. He spots the nearby hospital. He wants to take a shortcut through it, as it leads out I guess.  Oh and he’s with his friend chuck

They head through the place. The guards spot them, and they hide in a random room. They spot tables with dead bodies on them. They get scared by this but they are locked in.

The lights go out. Chuck vanishes. Lucas think a prank is a foot. He walks about and thinks he spots chuck  and grabs his shoe

“shoes? Chuck wore sneakers”

…same thing.

He falls down. He feels hands grab him

“You weren’t supposed to arrive here for many years. Looks like you took a shortcut”

Brr..

That was cool and creepy. A nice way to go out!

Final Thoughts:

 

This is a solid collection. With 35 stories, there are a lot of fun, creative ideas in here. They are funny. Scary, and creative. Some are hit and miss, such as the cem-

SHUT UP-

Cement one. My main problem with some of these  is that they don’t explain some ideas as a result of the short-ness. Oh and of course THERE ARE TOO MANY UNAMED CHARACTERS! Most of the stories are a lot fun  and have creative ideas.

There are more good stories than bad ones. There is a nice varirty here, as we get silly and scary stories in one package. The short natures makes the book actually fast and does lead to the fun. Overall, a good collection.

I should mention that another weenies book has a little section talking about how you can apply these stories to your own ideas and shit. At one point, they talk about other author…one of which is RL Stine

Thought I’d throw that our there.

Grade: A-

 

That’s only the start. More insanity will happen as Halloween in July Continues!

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About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
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