Dinner for Schmucks

Hello, Spongey here.

Let’s talk about idiots.

Not me. Fictional ones~!

Characters like Patrick Star and Homer Simpsons are hilarious and always amuse us with their idiocy. No matter how dumb these guys/girls can be, writers always try their best to make them funny and likable.

Idiots in real life are….well annoying, while made up ones are great.

But you have to be careful with your idiots. They can be funny, but there’s a limit to how stupid they are. You can’t just make them do or say stuff so absurd  that we can’t side with them or laugh.

I mean, what happens when your idiot is just an awful person?

You get today’s movie.

This, is Dinner for Schmucks

First thing, this movie was done by the guy who did the Austin powers movies. this shocked me…but he also did meet the fockers, so that balances it out.

 

After an opening I can’t describe without giving away a thing later on, we open proper in an office, where we met our main character Tim, played by Paul Rudd. He works at a business that does…business I guess.

Tim is doing some presentation  I guess, in hopes of getting a promotion. He brings out a lamp, then starts a spiel of this country that had special bombs in world war 2, but never used them, and not even the worst armies wish to use them.

This lamp…is a novelty lamp with a deactivated bomb. Sure, why not?  Oh and his Boss is played by the guy who did Batman in Under the red hood. Okay, that’s awesome.

With this lamp, he  entices wealthy Swiss (who does only say swiss jokes) businessman Martin Mueller (David Walliams) to become a client of his firm.

Of course his boss, like any idiot, sees this as genius, simply because the swiss guy stupidly liked it.

So Boss invites him to a “dinner for winners,” to which Tim must bring a “talented” guest; the winner earns a trophy and the executive that brought him or her gets glory. Tim learns it is actually a “dinner for idiots” and the award is to the biggest “loser.”

Well the writer already wins.

After that, he goes to meet his girlfriend Julie.. we learn she  lands a curator  deal for eccentric artist Kieran Vollard (Jemaine Clement).

How did she land this, you ask? She did something that amused another guy…

“His name was Steve Doche…and I thought it was douche”

Haw.

“Like the Ron fuches thing”

Too bad it’s not Fred Fuches.

Turns out it loosened things up and now she has that deal. I think I know who the titular Schmunks are..

Tim unsuccessfully proposes to her, as he has done several times before. Yes, this is a plot point. We then get to see mr artist, whose work sums up “True art is  incomprehensible”

“I literally rubbed bull shit on the piece as a metaphor”

For this movie?

They talk to him and all I will do is give you an out of context line, free of charge

“You know what’s it like to have an entire head inside it’s anus?”

So Tim and Julie talk, and he tells her about the dinner. She does not approve, and says he shouldn’t go.

The next day, he’s driving to work, when he bumps into…sigh, Barry, played by Steve Carrel. You know, someone who is usually funny? Yeah.

Wait…Steve Carrel playing an idiot in a movie with paul rudd in it. …never seen that before.

We learn Barry uses Dead mice to make Mouse dioramas.

What.

That’s only the start of it!  Through the stuff he says, he learn he is a major idiot that makes Patrick go “Damn he’s dumb!”

And he has mouse version of everything…even freaking jesus. Seriously. During this like 5 minute comedy routine, I wonder:

Why is no one kicking their asses FOR HOLDING UP TRAFFIC?! They stand there for like 5 minutes and no one objects to this!  What the hell?!

So Tim thinks barry is the perfect person to bring to the dinner. Later at work, he meets the swiss guy and his wife. They set up a brunch of the next day., and tim tells his wife about it. When he tells her about barry, she actually figures out he is going to the dinner, and gets pissed. He tries to defend himself but Julie is smart

“The you, I know would have said no”

One 5 minute comedy routine later…

Julie walks off angrily, and to make things worse, Barry shows up at Tim’s apartment a day early. Barry annoys him, and Tim tells him to fuck off, but of course he won’t listen. Tim goes into another room to get something, while Barry spots his computer and gets on to find someone has started a chat with “tim”

I smell bad comedy!

The strange chatter asks about the girlfriend, and barry says she left.  Chatter gets happy, and barry, like the idiot he is, gives tim’s address to her. Yay!

Tim comes and sees this, and he sets the record straight. That chatter was Darla,  a woman Tim had a one-night stand with before he met Julie. Tim tells him that Darla has been stalking him ever since.

So he uses dead mice, and gives his friends address to a stalker. What a lovable scamp!

Barry is kicked out, but he wants to find Darla before she shows up. He sees Julie walking to the door…and mistakes her for darla. Oh god..

Barry tells her stuff and she thinks wrong of it. “You can tell tim he can kiss my ass”

Once again: uses mice, gives address to stalker, makes his girlfriend dump friend,.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

This is where I got angry when I first saw this. There is no one we can even laugh at this point. It’s just cruel! He’s not charming, he’s awful!  And he’s really this stupid!

How can you like a guy who does this?! HOW?!

He goes in and tells this to tim, and then the movie decides to bring up the weird artist dude. Upon learning of him, barry thinks Julie might be screwing him, so he calls the dude in the guise of  a documentary maker, to find out if Julie is there. I have no words anymore.

Tim tries to give him a wrong number, but he finds him on tim’s speed dial. Believing they hear Julie in the background, he and Tim sneak into Vollard’s home.

Yeah, by this point you know the movie is about a big whacky situation and not the dinner. I wouldn’t mind this if it was not so jumbled and poorly written. I mean, how could Steve do a movie with just plot lines that connect-

Image

.THAT ONE WAS GOOD!

Another overly  long comedy scene later, they end up in his house and… Kieran,  (artist dude) dressed as an animal, is discovered with two women, dressed as birds, in an art “process.”

Why do I not find this funny?

Artist dude now wants to fuck Julie, which, like many plot points, is dropped until the climax. So anyway, they go home.

Barry sees a pic of Julie and with this, tim finds out what happened.  He is shockingly quiet about this, when he should kick his fucking ass for this.

But before that, Darla shows up!  Of course she acts quite creepy and shit. While tim takes the phone that rings (it’s Julie) Darla kind of comes on to barry in the background. Ew.

He tries to talk to Julie can’t answer because Darla snatches his phone and hides it in the front of her thong. What.

To make for all this, here is what Darla looks like

Image

 

You are welcome. . Tim locks himself inside his room as he continues to try to get in contact with Julie. Frustrated by his rejection, Darla tries to seduce Barry in order to spite him. And yes, while it does lead to nice shots of her, it also leads to another lame, long routine where barry does not get her innuendos.

Even Ralph wiggum would call this guy stupid.

But they do overall end up enjoying all this, as it becomes a forced comedy routine. Can this movie do a plot instead of putting a dozen bad skits together?

But once he accidentally hurts her, she gets pissed and a one sided fight ensues. barry plays dead, and she leaves. Tim comes out and sees that his house is now a mess.

Before Tim can KILL THIS FUCKING IDIOT, he finds a message on Julie’s cellphone  (she left it there) from artist dude , revealing that Julie is leaving for his  ranch.

“Barry…I’m begging you ,please go!”

FINALLY!

Barry, trying again to make amends, suggests that they go to his IRS office to find records containing  the ranch address. They meet Barry’s boss Therman Murch (Zach “CanNeverSpellHisLastName Galifianakis).

Therman’s gimmick is that he displays so called mind control and shit, which becomes important later. He will help only if Barry will say “You can eat my pudding,”

I wish I could for words for how dumb this is.

So Therman looks up Tim’s instead and informs him that he will be audited, and they leave without the address.

Uses dead mice, :gives address to stalker, makes his girlfriend dump friend,. Trashes house, gets him audited..

I hate this character with every fiber of my being and I wish him dead.

Outside, the two see Therman kiss a woman Barry reveals is his ex-wife, saying, “I used to call her pudding.”

Oh boo hoo, go fuck yourself.

Tim lets Barry sleep at his place, because of some stuff and tim is a giant idiot.  Part of me feels bad for tim, and the other part makes me want to sock him for not dumping barry.

While Barry sleeps, Tim takes a peek of some of that dead mouse stuff. This includes mouse versions of Barry, Martha (ex wife) and Thurman showing…him getting married to her, him finding she was cheating, and him alone.

No. just…no

You can’t do this.

You cannot have a man do…my list above, and then come around and say “oh but he’s a woobie” NO. FUCK THAT. He is an awful menace and I cannot feel sorry for him. There is no way I can sympathize for a moron this big. YOU CAN’T DO THAt!

The next day, Tim tells Barry to just sit and do nothing

“Sometimes I feel you think I’m an idiot”

Where do you get THAT idea?!

, Tim arrives at a brunch with Mueller the swiss guy, making an excuse for Julie’s absence. Back at the apartment, Barry takes a call from Tim’s assistant Susana (Kristen Schaal, who I saw on Gravity Falls today, and this makes me wish she’d had put on some blindfolds and get into someone’s car instead of taking this film role), , who emphasizes the importance of Julie’s attendance.

So, he crashes the business lunch, bringing Darla, who pretends to be Julie. …this guy can go to hell, I swear to god.

One long bad comedy bit later, Tim is goaded by Mueller into proposing to her, which he does just as Julie arrives unexpectedly.

…okay, I am beating a dead horse…but seriously?!

Barry has…just look at my list and add this to it! He is not just an idiot, he is a monster. There is no way we can find him funny or enduring thanks to all this shit!

I mean…ugh!  This guy is making me pull my hair out. When I first saw this, I almost quit at this point. But no, I had to watch the whole freaking thing!

Barry tries to explain

“This is Darla. She is a naughty schoolgirl who cheats on her taxes, and I did not know if Julie would come, so I brought her to keep things smooth”

Julie runs off, pissed. She’s going off to the artist dude’s ranch…for the whole curator job thingy, and she has no idea he wants to bonk her. She doesn’t listen to tim and drives off.

Barry and Tim try to drive off after her, but Darla shows up, pissed, and tries to trash the car. I guess they can’t DRIVE AWAY.

Of course, this draws no attention to anyone else

“Oh look, a chick is trashing a car. Must be Tuesday”

After that, Tim punches barry a lot. THANK YOU! Sadly, that is all he does.

“This is 100 percent your fault!”

EXACTLY!!!!

Barry tries again to make amends by giving in to Therman’s humiliating demands so that he can get  the address.

They arrive on the ranch, and eventually, tim explains this all to Julie.  He explains the movies events ina  way that just pisses me off more.

“Barry is a tornado of destruction”

TRY HURRICANE!

He says shit about him to julie…and barry overhears. WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAH!  . Julie tells Tim she is leaving for San Francisco with the guy.

So even after he explains this is all the fault of an idiot, and says it in a way that makes sense, you still want him to fuck off. Ugh.

The two talk and..No.They’re not.

Barry sadly confesses he never knew what his wife thought of him until she left him, and also tells off ti-

NO. YOU DO NOT DO THAT

This guy is a freaking moron, and a hurricane of idiot. He is not funny. He is not charming. He is horrible. You cannot paint tim as a semi douche here, when he does everything I would do minus the violence. Tim is a woobie if a dumb one, and barry is the guy we should hate,. But no, you make us think tim is wrong, and barry is right.

No, fuck you. You can’t do that! This movie’s gonna be the end of me..

I seriously would end this here, cuz it is so bad..but no. I need to finish this . FOR NARNIA!

After the loss of his “talented” guest, Tim arrives at the dinner party armed with excuses. To his surprise, he finds Barry has arrived on his own . Oh we’re at the dinner, and with 30 minutes left to spare!

Here we meet more idiots. Here’s the rollcall: man with puppet wife, creepy guy with bird, fortune teller chick, crazy beard guy, blind guy, among others.

So they all sit down for the actual dinner. And then barry goes up to do a little presentation…with the dead mice  It features a bunch of “dreamers”, and famous guys with him showing the history accuracy he has,, and shit like that, which goes up to Tim and it goes over big.

I admit, this isn’t a horrible speech. It’s stupid, but it’s the closest to likable stupidity you’ll get. Get ready for that to get ruined!

But Boss shows us his idiot…therman! Oh joy. So he tries his mind control on barry to impress everyone and..

“Why did your wife leave you?”

“…I lost her clitoris…She got mad cuz I couldn’t find it. I said it was in her purse.”

Let’s just hope a talking vagina doesn’t show up near the end.

Tim takes Barry aside and tells him the truth about the idiot thing.

“It’s a dinner for idiots”

A dinner for…schmucks  if you will.

Barry is of course sad, but he is more sad that Therman will win again. Even if it’s an idiot thing, he doesn’t like him winning all the time. Well, at least they don’t go pout in their corners.

Tim entices Barry to overcome Therman with “brain control.”. “You got into my brain and I can’t get you out!”. I have no words at this point.

“I’m gonna go lay eggs in his brain”

…no comment.

Barry confronts therman, and with another long comedy bit, he does “Brain control”.  Then they have a..mind fight, with them pretending to actually shoot each other, but they’re not. I… have run out of words

Okay, it does get a little funny, I admit, but it still comes across as dumb, to me. So he owns Therman and actually wins the trophy.  That means the movie is over, right?

Wrong.

Tim confronts the boss saying he has been on the wrong side all along – he stands with the group of “losers.”.

…again, attempts to make tim like barry when he should throw him off a bridge. Barry tells everyone about the dinner and they are not happy.

So wait…this movie says it is bad to do what the boss does and mock losers…when most of the jokes are at the expense of the idiots.

This movie finds new ways to piss me off! So anyway, a big ruckus ensues and to make a  long story short, shit happens, and the two run home.

Tim returns home and finds Julie’s note that she has gone.

“This my fault, not yours.”

No that does not-

Fuck it you know by now. Barry is awful and tim should be killing him right now,. Anyway, turns out Julie is watching this and they make up. But wait, the artist guy shows ups!

Barry explains to him, that if he takes Julie it will break Tim’s heart and people die of broken hearts; He valiantly steps aside.

So he spent the whole movie founding her but once some guy says it will break Tim’s heart, he backs off. LAME.

So barry walks home, Julie kisses tim and a The End card pops u-

There’s an epilogue. Tm marries Julie. Barry enters into a relationship with Darla, does some artwork with artist guy and hosts a monthly “breakfast for champions” for all of the “losers”. Therman writes a book from a loony bin, Tim and Julie collaborate on a new museum in Switzerland with Mueller, and the boss has gone over.

And you know who has fared the best? Me. Cuz I finished the movie!

YAY!

Final Thoughts:

I was not fond of this movie. The story is a mess, the jokes are either forced are dumb, and oh did I mention that BARRY SUCKS? He’s too dumb to exist, he is hard to like, and the movie sides with him and makes itself even worse as a result.

To be fair, some ideas are fine, and the actors do a decent job, but it’s not enough to save it. It gets rescued from my top most hated movies simply due to a couple things that work.

And you know what? My hate is a little overblown. There’s not much that’s criminally unfunny like a lot Adam Sandler’s movies. Steve isn’t overly loud like a lot of idiots, and critcally, there are worse.

But on a subjective level, I could not stand it.

To make it worse, this is a remake of a French film called “The dinner game”. How different is it? Take it wikipedia

“The film retains many familiar elements of the original, with the basic plot, including the involvement of the taxation authorities and the love triangle around the main character Tim. In the remake, however, Tim is made much more sympathetic (this is the first dinner he has participated in, and he is not in fact having an affair or deliberately cheating on his taxes), and the actual dinner is shown.”

I have no idea if the original sounds any good, but I may check it out. I suggest you do. This movie has some mixed reception, and if you like it, that’s fine. I just…don’t.Tthe only person to dislike it as much I do, that I know of, is his highness Doug Walker. So yeah, this movie sucks, and I just didn’t like it

Grade: D

Wait…next month is july. You know what that means!

…HALLOWEEN IN JULY MONTH~!

See ya.

Advertisements

About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
This entry was posted in Play by Play Reviews, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s