Hello, Spongey here
Welcome back to Goosebump-athon!
Well…this is it. The finale. Wow, I never thought it’d make it this far in like , a month. It’s been 61 books of insanity. Werewolves, monsters, ghosts, awful twists, good books, and bad books. Now it’s time to look at the final book in the series.
Will it end on a bang, or a whimper? Let’s see.
Previously on Goosebumps:
Evan was visiting his great aunt, and met a chick named andy. They found this stuff called Monster Blood. It was odd, as it grew, and anyone who ate it grew too. Turns out, it was a normal toy cursed by a witch named Sarabeth. They stopped the witch, but all was not well
Evan moved to Atlana, and turns out Andy came too .she brought the blood can, and the blood ended up getting eaten by the class hamster, but it got small thanks to a poor plot device. Then Andy got new blood from Germany, and it worked despite the fact that it shouldn’t
Then evan hung out with his scientist cousin Kermit, and he ended up eating the blood. At the end, Kermit made him small, but he was a bit too small. Will Evan get normal? Will he finally fucking die? Does anyone care?
Monster Blood 4
Cover: …meh. Sort of cool, but kind of not. Don’t know if I should like it. It does happen In the book…I’ll say it is just okay
Front Tagline: “This blood is bad to the bone!” …don’t get it
Back Tagline: “it’s four times as evil!”
Rembmer how evan got really small? Well RL Stine didn’t, because his now normal with no explanation at all. In fact, MB 2 is ignored entirely. Hell the entire series is. It boils down to “there was blood stuff, it made evan big, and he somehow got normal”. Bah.
Evan is staying with Kermit for the weekend. Yay, we end on a aunt visit!
Kermit begins terrorizing Evan by placing tarantulas on his head. Kermit’s mom also puts hot sauce on everything she cooks, including spaghetti that is so hot that Evan’s lips swell up like “twin salamis.”. k.
Boring shit happens, until . Andy comes over to visit Evan and the three kids have a Super-Soaker fight. Okay, this isn’t any better, Stine,.
Conan shows up and Kermit sprays water on him. Conan crosses the yard and sees that Andy has a can of Monster Blood. He forces her to give it to him and he opens the can and paper snakes come out. This is all about as exciting as Go Eat Worms at this point.
Kermit brings his collection of mice out into the yard and sets them free. Evan can’t understand why Kermit thinks the mice won’t escape, especially since they are escaping. Kermit tells Evan he’s installed a wireless electric fence along the perimeter of the yard. Uh, why does aunt Dee alow this? How is it invisible? Seriously, what the fuck?
Then he realizes that he forgot to turn it on. Evan walks to the edge of the yard and Kermit turns the electric fence on, causing Evan to spastically dance from the shock.
…Evan gets shocked. This may the best part of the book
Conan comes over to see what the hubbub is all about and he too gets shocked. He beats up Evan. Kermit is sympathetic to Evan’s plight and presents him with the perfect revenge: he’s developed a hair-growing formula. Kermit tells Evan that they could put some on Conan’s hands, giving him “werewolf hands.” Evan thinks giving Conan this is a great idea. Yeah, a HAIRY guy who can kick your ass!
Andy shows up at Evan’s window in the middle of the night. Andy shows him another can of Monster Blood that she found…
“in the dumpster behind my dad’s lab”
ANDY’S DAD IS A SCIETNEST?!
Wait…aren’t her parents off somewhere else? Do they live here? EXPLAIN!
She wants Evan to get revenge on Conan by using the new Monster Blood. Kermit shows and opens the new can of Monster Blood. Conan also comes out into his yard (why is up this late, and are they really THAT loud?) and tries to take the Monster Blood, only to be shocked again by the fence. Conan retreats into his house and Andy tries to put the lid back on the Monster Blood, which is blue instead of the usual green.
The liquid Monster Blood has morphed into a small blue creature with black eyes and a big-lipped mouth filled with sharp teeth. Andy thinks the gelatinous creature is cute until it hops across the yard and latches onto the water spout. The creature swells up like a balloon with water until it explodes, sending a wave of blue slime over the kids.
Hmmm, creatures start out cute, but become evil when exposed to water. Never seen that before
Where there was one creature there is now two. The creatures continue splitting, with each subsequent pair becoming meaner than the creature that spawned it. The creatures start attacking the kids, trying to suck the water from their bodies. One latches onto Andy’s face and another on Evan’s shoulder. PLEASE KILL EVAN!
The kids try to force the dozen or so creatures into a plastic garbage sack. Kermit takes the sack into the house to hide it as Kermit’s mom comes out to blame Evan for all the damage the creatures have wrought on her yard. Yay, she doesn’t see them, and blames evan cuz…uh…evan would totally do that.
The next morning, Evan asks Kermit where he hid the sack of creatures. He tells him…the bathroom
You mean that place with-
“isn’t there a SINK in that bathroom?”
…Kermit, you just made Evan right about something. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!
the two boys make their way towards the bathroom, they can already hear the havoc being wreaked within. That spare bathroom is also where Kermit was hiding his hair growth formula, so when the door is finally opened, the two are greeted with the sight of dozens of angry hairy creatures.
…sure, why not?
Slime covers the walls and every few seconds there’s another sickening *pop* and wave of slime as new creatures are formed. \
Evan decides to round up the creatures and then lead them out into the yard to zap them on the invisible electric fence. Evan is shocked to discover that Kermit forgot to turn the fence on. For a genius, he sure is STUPID.
The horrible little creatures escape into the neighborhood. The first place they head is Conan’s house, where Conan has just stepped out into the yard again. The creatures swallow his can of Coke and start multiplying and exploding slime all over him. He just walks back into his house, not phased by THE HORRIBLE CREATURES ATTACKING
They head inside and talk to aunt, and actually spill the story, by doesn’t listen one bit, and doesn’t’ even disbelieve them. She’s just like “cool story bro” best aunt/.mom ever!
They see her nearby steaming pot of hot sauce that everyone hates. They think maybe It can kill the blobs. Sure, why not.
They take it out and the blobs drink up,. But dogface the dog sees the sauce, and drinks it too. Wow, I never knew dogs were stupid enough to ignore blobs. The blobs then…starts snacking on the dog.
;”he didn’t move”
Wow, this book comes close to a good scene…but it goes back to sucking once dogface jumps up to life. The blobs then get extra angry and attack the kids.
They smother evan
“This time, the monster blood wins”
Oh but of course he’s okay. The monsters are so vile and evil that they’ve started to attack each other. One by one they eat each other until there are no creatures left. The last one just dies from getting hurt.
The cops saw all this, and approach the kids
…so they remember him from the giant thing? Or is the hamster thing? If so, why wasn’t Evan in huge trouble for causing all that trouble? EXPLAIN!
They tell the kids they are in trouble, but they explain there is nothing to blame them for. They look at the hair left from the blood
“Well…we can charge you with littering!”
Okay, that was kinda funny.
They head home, and aunt asks what happened to her pot. Kermit tells her Evan ate it all up
So after he become a giant, helped you from giant blobs, you still give him shit
So after that, they sit and talk. Suddenly, A scientist wearing a space suit (?) shows up. He introduces himself as Professor Eric Crane from the Science Institute. Okay, what is going on?
He explains that this batch of Monster Blood was the result of ten years and $50 million of investment in the development of an underwater fighting force.
An …underwater fighting force.
WHAT. THE FUCK
You mean to fucking tell me I made it through this turd, only to find out IT HAS NOTHING TO WITH MONSTER BLOOD!?
So they guy made some thing and threw it away like junk, and ignored EVIL BLOBS?! And if they suck water to grow, won’t they SUCK OUT THE OCEAN THEY ARE FIGHTING IN?!
You just give a fuck you to your entire audience?! Ugh!
He apologizes to the kids, and leaves. Suddenly, they look over to conan’s yard, where he picks up the lone Creatures can. They ignore it, since it’s empty
The next day, Conan comes out into the yard and tells the kids that he found that blue candy they were hoarding. He tells them that he can’t stop drinking water…and then three other Conans comes out of his house. The four Conans surround the kids and the first one tells the kids he feels MEANER than usual.
Meh, not an awful twist, but still kinda dumb. So yeah, that is how the entire series ends. Meh.
TV Episode: none.
Notable Lines: okay, I need to stretch for this one. I need one for the LAST book, after all! Well…here’s one. “Andy stared at her slime coated hands”
Useless Fact: 1. Tim Jacobus says this has his fave cover
2. this is the only book without the ‘reader beware” thing on the back. Instead, we have a series 2000 plug.
He could have ended it after I live in your basement. He could have ended it with a bang. A big, mind screwy band. But no. instead he did this. He ended it with an awful whimper. It’s as lams as sequel can get. Evan’s whiniess has worn off but that leads to the big problems. Everything with monster blood has been done, so everything In this book feels so boring, and of course. Annoying. Not even andy can save it, as she doesn’t do a whole lot. And of course, it has nothing to do with monster blood, making the whole book pointless. It’s awful, and it is an even worse finale.
Wow…we’re done! But it’s not all over quite yet. Yeah, we got a big retrospective post, and a separate one on my top 13 GB books. But those will come in early july. But I do have one little bonus up my sleeve…you’ll see
See ya, and hope you enjoyed Goosebump a thon!