Hello, Spongey here
Welcome back to Goosebump-athon!
Well…it was only a matter of time. This is it. The big one. Blogger beware panned it. Troy says it is the worst of the series. His hate has become infamous. It has been said ooze anal grease out of a ape’s ass. But…is it really that bad? Let’s find out
Cover: not too impressive. It’s funny, but not too great. It’s okay.
Front Tagline: I”t’s a finger lickin’ nightmare!”
Back Tagline: “Don’t call them chicken legs”. Worst back tagline ever? Maybe.
Crystal and her younger brother Cole live on a farm in a small town by the name of Goshen Falls. In this small town there lives a weird woman named Vanessa who always dresses in black. A chick named Vanessa…who dressed in black
That’s so obvious I won’t even say it.
According to Crystal, Vanessa is said to have magic powers and has used them on children who have played pranks on her (one time turning a boy’s head into a balloon), though this doesn’t stop Cole and his friends from pouring water in Vanessa’s mailbox as a joke.
What a likable scamp. If he gets turned into a chicken or some crap, he deserves it.
The next day, Crystal has to go to the market to buy her best friend Lucy-Ann a CD for her upcoming birthday. While in town, Cole and Anthony follow Crystal around, tossing an egg between themselves. All kids carry eggs, right?
Eventually the egg lands on Anthony’s head and the three begin fighting until they knock over Vanessa as she is exiting the grocery store. She falls and her grocery bags rip open, spilling her purchases everywhere. Anthony runs off scared, apologizing profusely. Crystal and Cole stay as Vanessa angrily looks at them and whispers, “Chicken, chicken” repeatedly. Scared, the siblings run away.
at the house, Cole teases Crystal about how one of their old classmates once upset Vanessa and she turned his head into a giant sponge and brush off the incident.
I hate to see what happens if they eat her fries or something
The next day, Crystal and Cole find feathers growing out of their skin. They try to pluck them off, but stop when they discover that the feathers are leaving behind bloody holes on their skin.
Cole’s voice is the next to go, as his singing voice during choral practice slowly devolves into nothing but clucks. At Lucy-Ann’s birthday party, Crystal’s lips turn hard and form into a beak. She locks herself in the bathroom, panics, and sneaks away from the party. At home, Crystal and Cole try to explain to their parents what’s happening, but ) they don’t believe their children.
Uh…feathers…beak..ARE YOU BLIND?!
What’s worse, Crystal and Cole soon become afraid of the fact that their parents are serving chicken at a barbecue they’re throwing for the neighbors.
‘I know you kids seem to be weary of chickens…so let’s eat some”
During the barbecue, Crystal and Cole soon find themselves in the yard, clucking and interacting with the chickens, making them the laughingstock of the town.
“kids turning into chickens ? let’s laugh!”
Crystal’s and Cole’s ongoing transformation continues to ruin their lives, especially Crystal’s, whose chances at playing on the school basketball team are dashed after making a fool of herself by acting like a chicken, tripping because her legs were becoming hard to bend, and,suddenly growing feathers on her legs.
No one cares about this even though they can clearly the kids are turning into chickens.
Crystal and Cole visit Anthony, thinking that he may be cursed too since he was there when the trio bumped into Vanessa. Anthony tells Crystal and Cole that nothing has happened to him after the incident, except for the fact that Anthony is now an exceptionally good golfer. Stacy would be proud
On their way home, Crystal’s and Cole’s hideous mutation into chickens worsens as their eyes move to the side of their heads, their teeth sink into their gums, their fingers become bony like claws, their legs stiffen, and their feet turn to talons.
I’ll give the book credit: nice, creepy descriptions. It succeeds at that.
The two decide that the only way to break the spell is to apologize to Vanessa in person. They break into her house after seeing that Vanessa isn’t home. Crystal sees a book called Chicken Chicken Chicken, –
Shouldn’t it be chicken chicken? You know…like the title?!
-swipes it, and the two safely return home only to find out that it was not a spell book but.-*..take it away=
“IT’S A COOKBOOK!”
They return to the house and find a real spell book, but the spells only succeed in turning Crystal and Cole into 20-foot tall chickens and finally baby chicks. Crystal is almost eaten by Vanessa’s cat, but the cat spits her out and plays around with her like a ball of yarn.
Vanessa finally comes home and sweeps the two chicks up in her hand. She asks them if they like the lesson she’s taught them. She points to her bookshelf full of books on manners, explaining how she’s dedicated her life to etiquette and uses her magic to punish those who don’t show it .
…what? You mean they went through all this…cuz they were a bit rude?! That’s just dumb. BUT, I will let this slip since it is part of character, and you can argue it was meant to be extreme. It’s not meant to tell a moral or anything.
Crystal the baby chick leaps out of Vanessa’s palm and lands on a typewriter and types out an apology.
. That doesn’t do much, so she then types out a thank-you note to Vanessa for teaching them the error of their ways. Vanessa is so hysterically happy over the gesture that she uses her magic to revert Crystal and Cole into humans.
They don’t run away from this bitch as fast as they can. No, they stick around. Vannesa offers them soda, as they are probably parched from everything that’s happened.
Cole drinks his soda and belches. Crystal and Cole laugh, but Vanessa stares stone-faced at them and whispers, “Pig pig.”
Meh, weak typical twist, and kind of under minds any value this book had at this point. But there are dumber twists
TV Episode: none
Notable Lines: none
Useless Fact:: the cover was printed backwards by accident, this was fixed in reprints
Also, funny thing: the Blogger beware entry was the first I ever read
This one was….meh. I don’t think it’s as awful as it is built up to be. I mean, it’s not GOOD of course. Bland characters, plot holes, weird villain, and the worst parents ever. But it does have a cool setting, and some interesting descriptions. I honestly don’t get why people (read: Troy) think it’s this ugly mutant thing. Yes, it has body horror. But it’s a horror series, that’s the point!
Heck, even the comment on BB point this out. . it’s not “morally ugly” or anything. I am not saying It is good, or well written,. I am defending it’s body horror aspect. It is not a good book, but it is not awful. But If you hate it, that’s fine! You can hate it til the cows go home
I just don’t think it’s that horrible
Grade: Hard to say…I’ll say C, but ONLY to be nice