Goosebumps a thon #34: Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

Hello, Spongey here

Welcome back to Goosebump-athon!

I FINALLY GOT MY TITLE CARD GUY TO DRAW ME A LOGO!

Image

 

 

So today i-

What?

BLOGGER BEWARE IS FINALLY BACK?!

*one reading later*

 

Ah, that was a funny entry. So where was i?

…oh.

 

Revenge the lawn gnomes

 Image

Cover: I don’t like it. For one, the gnomes look way too dumb to be scary,. Or even funny.

Front Tagline: “Keep off THEIR grass!”

Back Tagline: Someone’s Been Stalking In My Garden!

If you thought that was bad, just check out the book

Summary:

The book opens with a ping pong game. At one point protagonist Joe Burton serves the ping pong ball by kicking it instead of using the paddle, much to his older sister Mindy’s chagrin. He then follows that by telling her there’s a spider on her back. Joe reveals that he doesn’t look like anyone else in the family. They’re all tall and skinny and he’s short and stout.

There’s his handle, there’s his spout.

Shortly after arriving in the rec room, Joe’s friend Moose-

No, that’s his real name. Dead serious.

sits on Joe’s chest. Moose lives next door. His father, Mr. McCall, and Joe’s father have a running rivalry involving the produce they grow in their gardens.

They are not allowed to hang out very often. So…it’s like Romeo and Juliet, but it sucks.

Though it’s not as bad the one with the seals.

Mr. McCall has it out for Joe’s dog Buster, as the mutt has an affinity for trampling into the McCall’s garden and digging it up. Buster is revealed to be digging up the McCall’s garden. Mr. McCall comes out in a rampage and threatens the children and their dog. Joe pulls out his trusty dog whistle and Buster slinks back into the Burton’s yard. J

Joe’s dad thinks it would be a fine time to visit the little old lady down the block, as she sells gardening supplies from the first floor of her three story house. The woman, Lilah stays in business selling lots of garden-related paraphernalia.

Joe’s dad loves lawn ornaments, even going so far as to dress-up the plaster deer and flamingos on his lawn for the holidays. Joe’s mother however hates the lawn ornaments and finds them embarrassing.

I share your feelings, dude

Joe’s dad spies two darling little lawn gnomes and instantly purchases the small plaster men. Mindy warns that the lawn gnomes look evil. Joe’s father however ignores such frightful talk and cheerfully names the little guys Chip (because his tooth is chipped) and Hap (because he’s so happy looking).

More like crap..okay that joke was forced. I’m sorry.

Walking back home with the gnomes in hand, Joe thinks he sees Hap change its expression from a cheery grin to a grim scowl.

Strange horrible things start to happen to Mr. McCall’s lawn, and Buster the dog keeps getting blamed. The suspicion quickly turns from the dog to Joe when Mr. McCall awakes one morning to find someone has drawn smiley faces on his prized casaba melons. J

So…a strange. Object that looks like a human, comes to life and does bad stuff.

This entire book is just a rehash of the slappy books!

Joe is immediately suspected of the deed. Joe pleads his innocence and even brings in evidence of the real perpetrators: there’s black paint underneath one of the gnome’s hands and a melon seed between his lips.

Seed..in his lips..

BAD IMAGE

It soon becomes apparent that the rivalry between the neighboring gardening aficionados is escalating.

Yes, this book is about gardening. Seriously, Troy pointed this out. Every scene talks  at length about roots, trees, flowers, and there’s a chapter dedicated to spraying some stuff on their flowers

It’s not pleasant to read.

Joe becomes convinced that the gnomes are responsible and talks Moose into staking out the two houses to catch the lawn ornaments in the act. The two hide across the street on a stakeout. Eventually, the gnomes do come to life and start their terrorizing. The giggling men start splashing big buckets of paint against the exterior of Joe’s house. A confrontation between the gnomes and the children breaks out and at some point Mindy shows up and one of the gnomes drags her into the street by her hair.

The gnomes suddenly get very serious and reveal that they are Mischief Gnomes who were kidnapped from their native forest and sold into slavery. The gnomes reveal that they can’t help causing trouble, it’s in their nature.

…what. You’re really doing this stine? Really?

If the three kids will help rescue their friends being held at the garden supply store, Chip and Hap promise to leave forever. The kids agree and make their way to the old woman’s house.

The other kidnapped ornaments are supposedly in Lilah’s basement. Hap and Chip would have freed them alone but they weren’t able to get in the basement window. Now with the help of the children, they’ll be able to free their six gnome friends. The kids lower the gnomes into the dark basement and follow behind

. Once inside, they see that they’ve been tricked. There’s not six other gnomes. There’s six hundred.

The fact that I wrote/copied off the GB wiki, that proves there is no justice in this world.

The hordes of gnomes come to life and start attacking the children. Some want to tickle an unwilling Mindy. Other gnomes want to use the children as trampolines or play tug of war with their bodies.

…how the fuck can they do that?! They’re GNOMES! They just come to life!

RL: Stine, if you are going to write about gnomes, keep your shit straight!

The children are upset about being tricked.

Luckily, Joe remembers how gnomes are scared of dogs and so he calls for Buster to come into the basement using his whistle. But it turns out gnomes aren’t scared of dogs; they’re scared of dog whistles. All of the gnomes freeze into place as soon as Joe blows the trinket.

…really? i…have no words for how dumb this is.

Twist Ending:

 

Joe’s dad, distraught from mysteriously losing his two lawn gnomes, brings home an eight foot tall plaster gorilla for the garden. then the gorilla winks.

Lame. That is all

 

TV Episode:  

This episode is good.

You heard me

They took this turd and made it entraining.

The main reason? MR MCALL. In this, he’s a former army dude and he took acting lessons from R Lee Erney. He’s an asshole, while in the book he was friends to joe’s dad. He is amazing. He takes over every scene he is. He gives  a hilarious performance, and it’s amazing.

The story is simplified to delete the gardening crap. The gnomes are funny too. Oh, and no moose and dog!

Oh, and it has…an amazing twist ending.

The gnomes are caught in a light, that makes them freeze.. in McCalls garden. The kids run off and McCall cries off the gnomes. the episode moves to the big gardening contest, with the judges looking at Joe’s yard.

They give it a glowing review…but they don’t win. They would, if it were not for an ugly ornament. Joe thinks it’s the gnomes. Nope.’

“it’s that…hideous one!”

They look over and it’s…MAJOR MCALL.

That is the best ending EVER

Fun episode.

Graphic Novel:  yep, they did one of this too. That’s all I can say,

Notable Lines: From the Tv episode

“When they see my flawless melons…”

Hell, it has a lot. For example, there’s a scene where joe tries to alert dad about the gnomes…by waking him up

“the gnomes are missing!”

“I’m not going fishing”

Useless Fact: none

Final Thoughts:

This one was hard to sell. Reading my summary, it’s looks more dumb than awful. But it really is. The gnomes are too silly to be taken seriously, the gardening bits make me pull my hair it, it’s way too dumb to be taken seriously. It takes itself TOO seriously. The same problem plagued go eat worms. it’s not scary at all. the only person this could scare is Doofenshmirtz!  This book is awful, and way too dumb for it’s own good. I cannot say anything good about it. At all.

Grade:  D+

 

At least we’ll never see those gnomes aga-

Image

…FUUUUUUUUUU-

See ya!

Advertisements

About Spongey444

I'm 20 and I'm a slightly below average man who can barely spell. I mostly spend my time watching TV and movies, hence why i ended doing a blog all about those things. I tend to have weird tastes, but I like think I'm just fair on things.
This entry was posted in Goosebump-A Thon, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Goosebumps a thon #34: Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

  1. Michi says:

    LOL, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes was always one of my favorite books and covers! xD

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s