Hello, Spongey here
Welcome back to Goosebump-athon!
You Can’t Scare Me!
Cover: this is a really cool one. We got some badass mud monsters here. It’s just cool
Front Tagline: “They’re coming for you..”
Back Tagline: It’s Gonna Be A Scream!
Eddie and Hat (it’s a nickname. No, we never find out his real name) are on a field trip with these two female friends, molly and charlene. They’re in some forest and things seem fine.ntil they see Courtney, our books Alpha bitch. She is stuck up, and shows off how awesome she is.
On the field trip, Eddie is embarrassed or one-upped by Courtney several times. First she spots a deer. Then she teases Eddie for being scared of a garden snake. Then, the class crowds around Courtney as she lets two bumblebees walk across her palm.
All while she smirks bitchingly.
…what, that’s not a word?
Fuck you Microsoft word, it is now.
So then she throws the bees at him and then they all-
No, I won’t do it. Nope..
BEE THROWING BEE THROWING BEE THROWING BEE THROWING
Fuck you troy steele.
Yeah, she did that. The teacher tells them to stop goofing and get back on the bus. Troy pointed this out BUT SHE THREW BEES AT THEM, and no reaction?!
As the bus drives past the muddy woods, Eddie wonders if she’d even be scared of the fabled Mud Monsters that supposedly live in the woods. His older brother Kevin is making a movie about the legend of the mud monsters in his spare time starring his friends.
We’ll get to those monsters later on. For now, enjoy the 100 plus pages of sitcom style wackiness.
So Eddie now wants to get back at Courtney for being a show off-y bitch. First Eddie and his friends come up with placing a rubber snake in Courtney’s lunch bag. Their schoolteacher Mr. Melvin forgot his lunch that day, (they eat in the classroom. Yeah, Goosebumps world makes no sense_ and Courtney shares her lunch with him.
So the snake scares the teach instead. Yeah, a grown man is scared by a rubber snake. WIIIMP.
On the way home after that failure, Eddie and his friends are approached by a neighbor lady. Her cat is stuck in a tree and she needs help rescuing it. At that moment, Courtney rides by on her bike, sees the situation, shimmies up the tree and rescues the cat for the neighbor. The neighbor then rubs it in by chastising Eddie for not being brave enough to climb the tree.
Wow, what a fucking bitch.
“oh hey a girl saved my cat,…I’ll make fun of the kid that didn’t!”
As they leave the neighbor, the group comes up with another plan to scare Courtney. Eddie and Hat will sneak into the school’s science lab, steal a tarantula, then race up to the rafters of the gym. Down below, Molly and Charlene will get Courtney to stand directly below the balcony, and Eddie will drop the tarantula into her hair.
I’ll sum up this (admittedly hilarious scene) and say they end up having in the cabinet o the classroom when a teacher shows up. Eventually, they scramble out and end up on the rafters like their plan said.
From the rafters, they see Courtney is finally in place below them. Hat opens the container and drops the tarantula… into Molly’s hair. She freaks out and tears at her head, finally removing the spider and tossing it into the air, where it lands in Charlene’s hands and she bats it about like a hot potato.
Finally, Courtney calmly takes the creature in her hands and pets it, telling the bystanders that tarantulas aren’t all that scary.
Courtney is a weird mixture of cool and bitchy. And weird.
Eddie and Hat are caught and sentenced to detention, where they are forced to write a 1,000 word essay on why “It’s wrong to steal living things and drop them on people’s heads.”
Okay, that’s fucking hilarious. Props to Stine!
He asks his filmmaking brother for tips on how to scare her. He points out that a snake and a spider are too small, Eddie needs something big. Like a ferocious, angry dog.
This next bit is funny, but too long to recap so I’ll just sum it up: they try to get molly’s cute, but raging dog to scare Courtney in the woods but it wimps out. There’s more to it, but it’s a little complicated. Funny but complicated
This book would fit better in a Kenan And Kel episode than a Goosebumps book..
At school the next day, Courtney tells her teacher that she believes in monsters. She gives proof, such as the photographs of the Loch Ness Monster and the footprints of Bigfoot. Eddie uses these comments to think up a new idea. Oh, and Courtney mentions the mud monster legend and how she thinks it’s true.
Eddie agrees to be his older brother’s slave for one month if Kevin and his friends will dress up in their mud people costumes and scare Courtney in the woods
We’re then given a brief history of the legend of the mud people. Once upon a time there were two neighboring villages, one in the woods and one in the city. (How can there be a village…in a city?) The city village hated the woods village and treated the villagers poorly. One stormy night, a rainstorm caused the creek in the woods to overflow and flash flood, burying the entire village in a mudslide, killing all the villagers.
Geez Stine, they are hated and then KILLED? You are so cruel..
Local legend claims that once a year, the townspeople return to form, covered in mud, and go to find innocent victims to drag back with them into the mud.
So…mud zombies. Fuck yes.
So they get Courtney out in the woods again, at night.. the four friends hide about 100 yards behind Courtney’s tree house and they see her looking out into the creek with binoculars. Suddenly, behind her, three shadowy figures emerge. Eddie’s brother and friends came through; their plan worked!
So it looks like a happy end-
The brother pops up as well, next to the figures.
“Sorry we’re late/’
The group turns back towards the tree house and sees dozens of mud creatures emerging from the ground, all advancing on Courtney and the tree house. They scream and yell until she notices, and all of them make a mad dash run out of the woods, escaping the mud creatures.
So she finally got scared. Yay. Sure took you long enough.
The next day, She brags to everyone about how she found monsters, and is bitchy about it. Wow, fuck this girl. Stine’s assholes are excellent.
Eddie and his friends are bitter about all this, and they’d love to come up with another way to scare her for good, but the only problem is…they’re too scared to try anything else. Wakka Wakka!
We get the biggest twist of all…nothing! Yes, the fact there is no twist is itself the twist ending. Shut up
Yes, they made an episode of this. The book with no monster til the end. Makes sense! Anyway, brother is dropped, friends are dropped, and it’s only Eddie, Hat, and Courtney the story is simplified . No field trip, no big dog, and sadly, no Big throwing. They only keep the spider and the snake thing, and just extend the spider bit.
Then we have the climax…oh god .
. Eddie puts mud on himself to scare Courtney, but of course, the real Mud Monster shows up. And what does she do?
Lecture him on scaring kids, and the monster gets so bored and dries up.
Fuck the book, this is the most hilarious thing ever!
Yes, she is even more annoying here, but twice as funny. Anyway, so reporters show up and see the girl and she becomes well known.
The kids lament this, and say “life just isn’t fair”. It starts to rain. The monster comes back to life, and spooks the kids, as the episode ends on a FREEZE FRAME.
Despite the changes, this is a fun episode. i..like it more than the book. Sorry, it’s too funny!
Notable Lines: none.
Useless Fact: none
This was actually good, despite my complaints. It’s well written, has memorable characters, and a good story. I don’t mind the fact that it’s not horror. That Is okay. Some bits just made no sense, and it drags in the middle. But it is a good, funny book, but not as great as some make it out it be. It’s still very good and I’d suggest you read it.