Hello, Spongey here.
I am about to say something that may shock you: I am not perfect. I know, it’s crazy! You would think I am a god among man who can do no wrong…Well, I am. But like most gods, I make a ton of mistakes.
And of course i- HEY YOU!
What the?! Get off my key boar- Oh shit, it’s you!
DOUCHEY MCNITPICK: yes it is I, Douchey paige mcnitpick!
Douchey: SHUT UP!
Wait, how is it that you are typing on my keyboard to invade my review and I can’t stop you somehow? And why don’t my parents do anything, or anyone else?
Douchey: Oh, you did that fuck up in your Meet the Spartans review! We’re off to a good start!
So wait…you are here to point out MY fuck ups?
Douchey: Yes, yes I am, you whore!
..At least with the Nostalgia Critic, he’s huge and makes money off his reviews. I’m a random guy with a blog! Who cares if I fuck up?!
Douchey: Well I left the Critic alone because I like grenades outside of my ass!
So you came after me? A guy who’s about as credible as…you?
Douchey: Don’t underestimate the power of trolls!
So I guess you want me to discuss a few of my fuck ups.
Douchey: Yes! Let’s begin, shall we?
This, is A look at my screw up’s.
Douchey: SHUT UP! Whatever.
This won’t be a countdown. I shall just list them. Douchey, start us off!
1. “YOU’RE THE WORST SPELLER EVAR!”
Oh god, this bullshit.
So as you may notice….I make spelling mistakes. A lot of them
Douchey: 9,0001 TO BE EXACT! THAT’S AT LEAST OVER 9000!
Uh, you clearly typed 90001 there. 9000 plus one is 90001?
Douchey: Oh sorry, that was a typo. I can spell well, thank you very much!
So yeah, I make tons of horrible typo’s all the time. It’s become a running gag on many places I go to that I am stupid and can’t spell. Well, you are right.
I can’t spell for shit. In most of my reviews, I make typo’s that would make any 14 year old Facebook girl jealous. And why is this? …Typo’s.
They happen, guys. I just sometimes type things wrong. However, I do feel that I really need to use spellcheck. Have you noticed my last few reviews seem more read-able?
Well I was being OCD with the spellcheck those times. I do know no one should let all these typo’s slip by. I need to proofread, like a normal person.
I’m just an idiot and can’t read. Let’s look at some of my typo’s, shall we?
(Fred The Movie) “But then, it got worse. With something to should never have happened.”
(Fred, again) “but she less than a minute later, she goes to bed.”
(Fred, once more) “which leads to another sadistic imagine spot that makes me like kevin even though the movie wants us to like him.”
Douchey: Want’s us to like him?! THAT MAKES NO SENSE, YOU ASS!
Here’s one more.
(The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle) “Well this movie actually has mixed reactinos so I have to…MAKE MY OWN OPIOIN!”
Yea, I suck., I’ve made a lot more, but that’s the one I thought was really stupid. In fact, when someone told me all the typo’s in my Fred review, I thought it would be funny if I did a review where I had bad spelling on purpose. You know how THAT went.
Look, I’m sorry I spell worse than a youtube commenter. I understand why you are sick of it. But people make mistake and I am no exception.
However, that’s no excuse. I’m sorry, okay?
Douchey: NOOOO! YOU MISSED TONS OF FUNNY TYPO’S!
Do you want this blog to have a 90001 word count?
Douchey: …Good point.
- 2. “Where the hell was number three?!”
Okay, you may not know what he means here. You see, on Talk like a pirate, I did a short list of the Top 11 pirate songs
Douchey: STOP MAKING SHORT LISTS, YOU LAZY ASS!
…I hate you so much. So my list was fine…except someone pointed out number three was missing. This fuck up was just lazy on my part. I was making the list, and I made it in like 5 seconds.
I accidentally forgot to completely finish it and posted it without knowing 3 was missing. The list itself was ass anyway. I left off some good ones. So this is short one, but a big one for me. Who leaves off a three?!
So yeah, the list sucks, and the number three is amazing, I am not anti-three-tite!
Douchey: A LIKELY STORY
Please shut up.
Sorry for that fuck up. I plan to re-make this list this talk like a pirate day
Douchey: YOU BETTER NOT HAVE THAT STUPID LAZYTOWN SONG ON THE LIST!
- 3. “Why couldn’t Odie find his way back, genius?!”
In my review of the Garfield movie, I said that Odie ran away, and an old lady took him into her room. I implied that Odie was so much of an idiot he couldn’t just find his way back.
So someone ranted about this like it was the movie’s fault. Well, it’s my fault for not explaining it very well.
Douchey:Oof course it is, you idiot!
See, here’s how it happens: Odie saw some truck, I think, and got distracted, so he chased after it. After the old lady took him, it’s actually quite subtly implied he stayed due to Garfield being a jackass.
I have to say, it’s nice they didn’t flat out explain it, it’s kind of subtle. A bit TOO subtle if I couldn’t tell the real meaning.
So, I’m sorry I said it wrong. I just felt like simply saying he ran away was enough, but clearly, it wasn’t. I’ll try to not make this kind of mistake again.
Douchey: You did, or we wouldn’t be here!
- 4. “You missed a dirty joke, you dumbass!”
Yeah, it figures that when I make a counter to make fun of the movie, I fuck up and miss one.
In my review of Xat in the hat, I counted all the dirty jokes. Turns out I missed one. It happens during the shitty song.
Let’s take a look
“They sent him to a vet to cut off his bal……boy!”
… A castration joke. How the fuck did I miss that?!
Douchey: I could ask you the same question!
Yeah, so I’m sorry for that. I should have noticed that horrible joke. I guess I know nothing about animal movies or something. But seriously, the joke was awful.
This only proves how fucking awful that movie was.
Douchey: So you made the movie less shitty, you whore!
…I did. I guess I did that trash a service.
5. “Nigel’s a pelican, you idiot!”
Yeah, it looks like the Nostalgia critic isn’t the only one who doesn’t know shit about animals. In my Pixar-athon on Finding Nemo, I said that Nigel was a seagull .
Well my friend on another site was …nice, enough to point out my mistake.
“…PELICAN not seagull. P-E-L-I-C-A-N. PELICAN. Nigel is a Pelican.”
I could say this was a slip of the keyboard…but it wasn’t. I really thought he was a seagull. And I’ve always thought as such since I was a kid. So chalk this up to me being an idiot.
And that matches Nigel’s look in the movie. So we can chalk this up to CARTOONS LYING TO ME
Douchey: Don’t trust TV, you dumbass!
Yeah, I said he was a seagull..he’s not. Let’s move on.
- 6. “Time warp trio doesn’t re-run, dumbass”
This is a pretty simple one. In my time warp trio tribute, I said the show re-runs at like 2 am sometimes. Well, turns it doesn’t anymore. It did when the Bub first came out, but now it’s off the air for good. Guess I should have…you know, checked my shit before I typed that. … That’s it. I said it re-runs, it doesn’t. pretty simple. Next!
- 7. “It was filmed in Vancouver!”
Another simple one. In my Friday the 13th part 8 review, I said that one part was shot in New York, while the rest was not. Well as it turns out, that part wasn’t shot in new York either. The entire movie was shot In Vancouver, due to budget reasons. I remember hearing somewhere one bit was shot in new York. Guess it was wrong.
Pretty simple, once again. It wasn’t shot in New York. …next!
- 8. “You always get the actors wrong!”
Okay, this is only happened twice
DOUCHEY: which is 2000 in troll years!
Whatever, First in my original review of Grow up Timmy turner, I claim that Timmy’s mom is played by the her VA from the cartoon. This was wrong.
Only Timmy’s dad has the same actor, Mom is someone else. I assumed this since Dad was the same. Plus mom sounded a lot like the cartoon one. So this is me making a dis- service to a good performance in a crappy movie.
The other one is from the Toon’d out month on Transformers 2. I say Tom Kenny voiced the twins. Well ,I was wrong. He only voiced skids. Mudflap was some other guy.
But does it really excuse their racist-ness?
…Did you just agree with me?
DOUCHEY: …No. Good.
But I WAS right about him voicing the midget who humps Megan fox’s leg…I wish I wasn’t though.
Yeah, simple. I got the actors wrong. Sorry
9. “She DID mention the painting!”
This is the most embarrassing one to me. In my list of the Worst Goosebumps book, I listed Revenge of the living dummy. At one point in the book, Slappy destroys both a painting of the main characters dead dog and a boy band poster.
I claimed she only told her parents of the poster, and thus they did not believe her. However, upon re-reading it, I found out she DOES mention that the painting got trashed.
BUT She only mentions it in passing. She puts more emphasis on the poster than the painting. So she’s a tad less of an idiot, but still an idiot. But this opens another issue.
The parents think the poster just fell. Yes…BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PAINTING?! They don’t even think about it. PAINTING’S DO NOT DESTROY THEMSELVES!
God, now the book is even worse! How did this thing get positive reviews?!
…Douchey, you’ve been quiet.
DOUCHEY: Don’t have anything to say.
…Okay. Well yea. I said she didn’t mention the painting. I’m sorry I missed that. If I’m going to point out a plothole, I have to look into it a lot.
Sorry. So how many fuck ups are left?
DOUCHEY: Only one!
DOUCHEY: But it’s a big one.
And my last fuck up to mention is…
10. “HOW DARE YOU HATE BRIDESMAIDS?!”
Okay, I never said I hated bridesma-
DOUCHEY: you assmuch! I fap to that movie every night!
…Really? DOUCHEY: …Maybe
Look, I’m just sayiN-
DOUCHEY: it’s the best comedy ever made!
Well I wouldn’t say tha-
DOUCHEY: it’s like nothing before it!
LET ME EXPLAIN!
At the end of last year, I had a short list of the best and worst movies of 2011, of the ones I saw at the time. At the number one of the short list, was Bridesmaids. Everyone was so shocked I didn’t like the movie. Everyone loves it.
It’s like when Doug walker wanted to review matilda, they all went apeshit! Well, let me explain.
I do not like Bridesmaids. When I first heard of it, I thought it’d be okay. I love R rated comedies, and I thought one with women could be funny. So when it got like a 90 on rotten tomatoes, I knew it’d be good.
But when I watched it, I was disappointed. I thought it was just too much hype. So I watched a 2nd time, with a neutral standpoint. Still didn’t like it. At first, I let my dislike get a hold of me, and hated it. So I put on number one of my worst list. Here’s why I don’t like it:
It succumbs from what I call Family Guy syndrome. This is when a joke goes on WAY too long. This movie has a lot of that. Every single scene starts okay, but they stretch it out to the point of annoyance. And the actors seem to give up once it gets tiring.
And yes, I will say the actors did do a good job despite tha.t And yeah, I say Melisa McCarthy did the best job. She didn’t give up when the jokes went on too long, so I sometimes laughed.
I also found the plot cliché, which is totally different what everyone Is saying., but in a comedy, I don’t care about the story. My main issue was the jokes. And besides the fat chick, none of the characters were interesting. Like Spill.com said, the main character is kind of a bitch…but I didn’t mind it.
I simply found it odd this movie had issues everyone hates, yet everyone said it hilarious and original. But…then I realized all my issues were subjective.
I personally hate overly long gags and 2 hour comedies. Objectively,. The movie is okay. Not bad. So saying it was the worst film of the year, was a dick move.
Besides, I’ve seen jack and jill now. I’m sorry. I was in the heat of moment and said it was worse than it is.
Do I think it’s bad? Yeah. Do I hate it? No. So there you go. I don’t hate bridesmaids. Happy now?
DOUCHEY: ……actually, yeah. That’s all I wanted out of you
OUCHY: I wanted you to realize how stupid you were being by saying bridesmaids was awful.
…this entire time you wanted me to see the error of my ways, not bitch?
Wow, that’s really grown up of you
DOUCHEY: you still suck at spelling..
DOUCHY: …okay.. …
Yea So those are my screw ups. That’s all of them, and I promise to stop making so many. If I ever do make one, don’t be afraid to tell me. That is all.