Hello, Heinz Doofenshmirtz here
Oh, you were expecting Spongey, weren’t you?
Well sorry, he’s not in today.
He left for a trip and i-
Uh, I mean, I beat him up and took his computer!
Yea, that’s good.
So I’m doing the review for today.
So here’s what I’ve gathered about this movie
In 1980’s little girls watched this show about rainbow horses and evil corporate jerks saw the money they made off of it, so they made a movie, to make even more money!
And then they made more shows, and more money.
And then a bunch of stuff happened I won’t bother to look up/.
So yeah. That’s all I got.
This, is My Little Pony the movie
…that’s the least manly thing I’ve ever said
So the movie begins with birds, happy music, and a rainbow!
My head hurts already.
And normally perry the platypus causes that!
There is a pointless scene with no ponies, so I’ll skip it.
And of course we get the single worst song ever composed.
Okay, not THE worst…I’ve heard Monogram’s first single from the 70’s. Ew.
But it’s still wretched…and perfectly evil! Perhaps this movie is more manly than I thought…
So we see the colored horses dancing around, and we join this one horse who is preparing for this show, with a dragon that sounds like he has the drusselstiean stomach virus.
“Play it again Spike”
Never thought you’d here THAT reference in my little pony, eh?
I weep for humanity. I can’t wait for the vending machines to take over
What? IT’LL HAPPEN, I SWEAR!
Anyway, we finally cut to our protagonists, these two evil witches, miss skinny and fat mceats a lot!
They are summoned by their master, Hydia, voiced by Cloris Leachman,
Let that sink in.
“Look at all those ponies, playing games, having fun,….it makes me sick!”
Ah, finally someone I can relate to! This is one the great movies heroes, like Hans Gruber, or Godzilla!
So these two chicks are the evil witch daughters, and of course they are about as good at evil as Rodney.
Oh yeah, I went there.
So she wants them to be more like me, and do some big time evil!
We then hear the obligatory tragic backstory: this land was dark, and evil and the humans dominated everything, but then the horrible horses came and destroyed all the humans, leaving only these three left
I’m tearing up, man.
And of course his leads to…
A VILLAIN SONG!
Of course, it’s nearly as good as my songs, but it’s very evil, and I like it that way!
So during the song, we learn they have cousins who really are evil, and the big witch chick wants them to go out, destroy, the ponies and make their mom proud!
Ah, the epic quest for a mothers love…I can relate…
So we cut back to the lair of the horrible horses, as that stupid ditz from earlier is doing her dance performance, goes about as well as most of my dance performances.
Yeah, I can admit my faults.
And of course, the other horses scold her for stinking so badly!
Oh, more likeable scamps!
So dancing chick runs away, and of course this leads to another stupid song. This one is by our antagonists as she bitches about those who stop her from spreading awful-ness.
One of the great villain songs, folks.
So she runs away, and we join our heroes as they try to destroy the horses.
They try to flood the river, but alas, these…sea ponies…don’t ask, stop them.
Drat, foiled again!
So our villain …and spike end up in some place, where dancing chick wants to fly. But only pegaus ponies can do that, and she is a mere earthling. However, she tries to fly anyway
“But you’ll get hurt!”
So of course she fails to fly, but sadly, she lives.
We see the other horses, as they notice dancing chick left, and they are sad for some stupid reason, even though they did the right thing.
Sure, why not.
So we join our heroes as their mother is scolding them for messing up earlier. They were such mess ups, that mom decides to send out a much stronger evil to defeat the horses instead.
Mom sounds out the others to get the ingeredints to make the evil monster only known as….’
Oh, I’m shaking
So they head out and start collecting some stuff, which leads to an interesting song by the skinny one and the fat one as they argue about who gets to retrieve which ingredient.
Yea, I got nothing here.
So they head back to the witch, but without the one ingreditent they really need, as they were lazy. The witch throws it all in this lava thing, and finds out they left out the one thing, and scolds them out/
Look at this tragic story. They only seek the admiration of their mother, but they make mistakes, which hinders them from reaching their true evil potential.
Nonetheless, the smooze rises, and starts to slime all over ponyland!
Oh this is great! This movie’s starting to get good! Where’s my popcorn?
Oh, and there are these…weird…fuzzy…blue things.
they blame the dancing chick because ….i guess she is somehow enough to come up with a plan that evill. Yea
as it turns out, the smooze makes whoever it touches rude and angry.
Hey, that sounds awesome!
Why does everyone hate this movie? It’s amazing!
So it looks our heroes have finally won! The ponies will now drown in their anger, and the witches shall rule the earth!
Clearly this is the end of the film. I shall stop here, hence I think there’s nothing left.
On the outside this looks a stupid movie with lame animation, cliché story, bland characters and such. But it’s much more than that!
it’s a tragic tale of two mess ups who wish to impress their mom. This pro-evil film shows us the extent we’ll go to do evil.
The pony parts stink ,but in the grand scheme of things they do not matter! This heroic tale is so epic, even I liked it!
And trust me, I’m picky with movies.
It’s the best film I’ve ever seen! Such deep characters! What a wonderful story!
I know this is OOC as heck for me….well I don’t care.
So I must leave before that spongey guy escapes from the closet
Oh, and one more thing’
HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!